Television
28 October
Sunday
Coronation Street ITV 7.30pm
BBC 2
HTV
S4C
CHANNEL 5
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Breakfast with Frost 10.00 The Heaven and Earth Show 11.00 Geoff Hamilton's Paradise Gardens 11.30 Countryfile 12.00 The War Report – an On the Record Special 1.00 EastEnders 2.55 The Blue Planet 3.45 Morecambe and Wise 4.20 My Family This week my younger brother gets arrested for being drunk in public and verbally abuses a policemen for removing his belt so he can’t hang himself. 4.50 Points of View 5.05 BBC News; Weather 5.25 Regional News; Weather 5.30 Songs of Praise
6.45 Tweenies 7.25 Pocket Dragon Adventures 7.40 The Lampies 7.50 Gadget Boy 8.15 Flint the Time Detective 8.35 Rugrats 9.05 Hollywood 7 9.30 S Club Search 9.35 Mona the Vampire 9.45 The Cramp Twins 10.00 Kenan and Kel 10.25 Byker Grove 11.20 Rex the Runt 11.30 Robot Wars Extreme 12.15 Roswell 1.00 The Pop Factory Christ, is this still going? 1.30 Sunday Grandstand 1.35 British Superbikes 1.55 Racing 2.10 British Superbikes 2.25 Racing 3.10 Rallying 3.40 Rallying 4.10 Rugby Union 5.15 Scrum V
6.00 GMTV 9.25 How II 9.40 Fetch the Vet 10.00 The Ark 10.30 My Favourite Hymns 11.00 Sunday Morning 12.00 That's Esther 12.30 Waterfront 12.55 HTV News and Weather 1.00 Jonathan Dimbleby 2.00 Soccer Sunday Live 2.25 Pulling Power Michael Pearlman and Louis Pattison click their heels ironically and smirk knowingly at each other for a surprisingly entertaining half hour. 2.55 FILM: The Happiest Days of Your Life 4.30 Holy Quiz Fairly amusing JPEG going round recently... 5.00 High Performance 5.30 Textured Lives
6.15 Pippi Longstocking 6.40 Blue's Clues 7.05 The Hoobs 7.30 Bagpuss 7.45 Football Italia: Gazetta 8.40 Blunt attp 9.10 Model Behaviour 9.40 Model Behaviour 10.10 Hollyoaks 11.40 Rownd a Rownd 12.30 4 Trac 1.00 Y Clwb 2.00 Welsh in a Week 2.30 Brookside 4.25 Maniffesto 5.25 Newyddion 5.35 Pobol y Cwm ...of Uncle Ossie on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? The question (to save you looking for it) is “What chance have you got of seeing Christmas this year?”; the answers (a) Fuck All (b) Fuck All (c) Fuck All (d) Fuck All. Not bad...
...although slightly undermined by the fact that Muslims don’t celebrate Christmas. 6.00 WideWorld 6.30 Dappledown Farm 7.00 Beachcomber Bay 7.30 Milkshake! 7.35 Tickle, Patch and Friends 8.00 The Beginner's Bible 8.30 Tintin 9.00 Tiger, Tiger 9.25 The Mole 10.30 Core News 10.35 The Big Question 11.05 Miracles of Faith 11.35 The Movie Chart Show 12.05 Wildlife Photographer 12.35 5 News at Lunchtime 12.45 FILM: Arrow in the Dust 2.15 Exclusive 2.40 Family Affairs Omnibus 4.55 FILM: The Goonies Mince.
6.15 Last of the Summer Wine Wesley uses his renowned engineering skills to produce a go-anywhere vending machine. ‘Anywhere’ doubtless meaning ‘down a road in a tin bath’. 6.45 Antiques Roadshow 7.30 Kathy Staff – Wrinkles and All She was Nora Batty and Doris Luke in Crossroads. Bomb viewing if you’re sixty then. 8.00 Monarch of the Glen 8.50 Posh and Becks Big Impressions What do you think it’d be like if TV Desk banged out a Preview? I think it’d be a little something like this... 9.00 Waking the Dead Twopart moider drama. 9.50 Children in Need 2001 10.00 BBC News; Weather 10.15 Panorama: Bin Laden's Biological Threat I feel writing a preview of this in 100 words or so is a bit redundant, but this should be well worth watching. 10.55 FILM: Dead by Midnight “It’s obvious that since the BBC lost Match Of The Day, they’ll stick any old shite on,” says Bladon. Summing things up much better than anyone who’d seen the film could do. 12.35 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Wild: Tiger Trail 6.10 Wild: Nick Baker's Rhinos 6.40 Wild: The Natural World: Monkey Warriors This sounds quite, quite awesome, featuring rooftop monkey gangs and some monkeys who are worshipped as gods by the townsfolk. We want our very own monkey warriors. Maybe they can go out and score girls for us. And when they bring them home perhaps we could get otters to... [descends into freakishly bestial daydream] 7.30 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em 8.00 Deep Trouble 8.50 Trade Secrets 9.00 Invasion 10.00 Have I Got News for You Guests include former Blue Peter presenter Richard Bladon. Oops, think that should say Bacon. 10.30 Aaagh! It's the Mr Hell Show! 10.55 Rock Profile Jamie Theakston meets Welsh legends Tom Jones and Shirley Bassey. Shirley is OK but Jones is a cunt, period. 11.25 Correspondent: No Compromise 12.10 Rex the Runt 12.20 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 12.50 Later with Jools Holland 2.00 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 HTV News and Weather 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 The Sketch Show 7.00 New You've Been Framed! 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Heartbeat 9.00 My Uncle Silas Drama based on stories by HE Bates. Young Edward looks forward to the start of his summer holidays with his great uncle Silas – a man known as a rogue and a drinker. This sounds awesome. It also sounds like it was written by DC Gates. Hmm. Wonder if this HE Gates is any relation? (Unlikely. They spell and pronounce their names differently. You cunt – Ed) 10.00 2DTV 10.10 ITV Weekend News 10.30 Tarrant on TV 11.00 The South Bank Show A profile of internationally renowned (and hugely overrated) British sculptor Rachel Whiteread. 12.00 Alpha – Will It Change Their Lives? 1.00 The Web Review www.getatric.com/djassault/v ideo/yo.html – SEE THIS. 1.30 Roar 2.25 Dance 2000 3.20 Trisha 4.20 Cybernet 4.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
7.30 Y Sioe Gelf 8.00 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 8.30 Llwybrau Paul 9.00 Bryn Terfel a Chyfeillion: Atgof O'r Ser 10.05 Newyddion News 10.20 FILM: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels 12.25 Going Critical 12.55 War on Trial 1.55 Under the Knife 2.20 FILM: The Red Squirrel (aka La Ardilla Roja)
7.00 5 News and Sport 7.30 Motorsport Max 8.00 The Mole 9.00 FILM: Storm With Luke Perry and Martin Sheen. “I haven’t seen it but I can guarantee you I’m going to watch it,” says the even-more-opinionated-thannormal Pearlo. “Throw in Emilio Estevez and you have a dream team.” Okay brah. 10.50 Murder Detectives: Case Files: Seeds of Destruction 11.50 Arrest and Trial: She Said, They Said 12.20 Live US Major League Baseball: World Series – Game 2 4.00 NHL Ice Hockey: Dallas Stars v Pittsburgh Penguins As is the custom, this huge space gets utilised to hand the BOMB to those who have requested it, or deserve it. Thus, a racktastic bigup to Ellie and Rhodri, plus their cat Megan. Megan has unfeasibly big ears, enjoys being photographed with all manner of minor indie luminaries (Gruff Rhys and Euros Childs have both recieved the Megan treatment I think) and is currently learning how to scrape resin from a bong. If you’re really lucky we might have a pic of her next week. Seeya crew.
As S4C except: 7.30 CatDog 8.00 Investigators 8.30 One World 9.00 Blunt a.t.t.p. 9.30 Popworld 11.00 Hollyoaks 12.05 FANatic 12.35 Model Behaviour 1.10 Model Behaviour 1.45 Westlife Live in Concert 3.20 FILM: Angels One Five 5.05 Stargate SG-1 6.00 Scrapheap Challenge 7.00 Extinct: The Mammoth 7.30 Channel 4 News 8.00 Equinox Special – Bioterror 9.00 Elizabeth: Gloriana 10.00 FILM: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels 12.05 Football Italia – La Partita 1.10 WWF Heat 2.00 FILM: Brighton Rock 3.35 The Chequered Flag 4.30 Motorsport on 4: TVR Tuscans 4.55 The ETU Triathlon Cup 5.20 Countdown
Evening
Sunday 28 October
Rex the Runt BBC 2 12.15am
BBC 1
Daytime
Today’s Highlights
Down to Earth BBC 1 8.00
22
The Mole C5 8.00pm
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is shit and (b) topical/celebrity impressionists are shit in general. Never more so than with schedulePosh and Becks Big Impressions filling hackwork like this, where McGowan (joined by Ronni Ancona) ‘does’ Vic’n’Dave yet again. And it BBC1, 8.50pm still won’t be funny. Beckham as a person is far too This is only on for ten minutes and competes for boring to be worth taking the piss out of, while if you hallowed Preview status with two programmes about want to see someone doing a dead-eyed germ warfare, but we’re not afraid to look lowbrow in impersonation of a pop star look no further than the our noble quest to tell you that (a) Alistair McGowan ghastly Victoria herself. Thank you. 22.10.01