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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: THE NEW RULES
new topics, but then back off if they seem unduly uncomfortable. Your ultimate aim is to extend the boundaries and deepen the relationship, as it will cement the relationship and allow you to influence them more easily in the future. Whenever there seems a mismatch between their words and body language—for example, when someone claims to be “fine” but seems upset about something—ask if you can help. “I hope I’m not intruding but I can’t help feeling that there’s something bothering you—want to talk about it?” or “Stop me if I’m prying, but you seem upset.” If you deal with each other mainly by telephone, you could try “I just realized that we always speak by phone—maybe we should meet for a coffee sometime?” Or if you would like to speak more frequently, say so: “I can’t help thinking that two weeks is a long time to wait before I check up on this issue. Would you mind if I gave you a call later this week to see if everything is going well?” However, extending relationship boundaries happens slowly over time and is a process of trial and error. Relationships are not deepened in a day. Be sensitive in making your suggestion, and be prepared for people to say “no” on several occasions before they open up to you.
BUILD OTHER-ESTEEM If you have ever had a good idea of yours rubbished by another person, then you will know how important it is to build other-esteem.