FEATURE OP.ED
Solo Relationship
ENJOYING YOUR LIFE WITHOUT CHAINS ATTACHED
I choose to be single. It never ceases to amaze me how often people ask, ‘So when are you finally going to find someone special and settle down?’ and similar expectant crap. Our society seems fixated on romantic pair-bonding. It would seem that many think that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. And when people do seek a perfect mate, many have an air of desperation about the exercise as if they are not complete without that special someone; The soul-mate; Someone for everyone; Key in the keyhole. Some people believe that people who are not partnered are somehow dysfunctional or at least not complete without their ‘other half’. Biologically, we are not built for monogamous pair-bonding. The idea is a social construct which we have been exposed to for our entire lives and ever since religion and politics thought that monogamy and parentage were important. It takes a strong mind to deconstruct such ingrained ideas and a collective of similar strong minds to affect social change. Being single and happy requires the rejection of romantic love as an ideal. We, who find ourselves alone by choice or circumstance, need to reclaim the value in being single. Of course it’s cheaper to go out for dinner, you don’t have to ask permission to buy anything, and you can fart as loudly and odorously as you like. {Hmmm… real classy Hilary :-) Ed.} More important, you can be who you want to be. Even the best relationships require give and take which affects behaviour somewhat, as you do things to please your partner or take the path of least resistance. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but if you haven’t spent much time alone in your life, there is no control study of yourself to know how different you just might be. This still may not be a bad thing... if you are happy. Having a solo relationship is about learning to accept yourself and to be comfortable with just you. You can learn to enjoy your own company, to learn to recognise your needs and meet them and plan for your own future. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Although we are not biologically designed for eternal pair-bonding, we are engineered to be social creatures. Enjoying your own company is important for singles, but being able to find a social network is also important for our emotional health. So what do you like to do in your spare time? Can you do it alone? Can you join a group that does it? Do you know anyone who does it and who might like to do it with you? You deserve leisure time that is enjoyable.
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