Countdown to Ecstasy Another sink. Another bathroom. Another regurgitation. The time is 5am and I'm in another tight spot. A sickening case of food poisoning. It's not my first and it probably won't be my last. Although, this will go down as one of the worst. For the last 7 hours, Jacob Kelly has been puking his guts up. Kitchen sink blocked, bathroom sink now blocked. Things do not look good.
Check the calendar. I'm ticked off until January the 2nd. Today is 20th December. 13 days to adopt the position of public menace. Was I up to the task? We choose to be a public menace. I see Leather Lung have a new single out, Spit in the Casket. These are a relatively new band who have transformed the idea of being a drunken fool spilling drinks and annoying just about everyone around you in to a true art form. Perfect for such an occasion. Soon as the riff kicks in, I'm calling the boys and getting the cans in. 'Tis the season after all. Lucien Cramp is in town, we make our way through the tinnies, sit back and watch The Big Lebowski. And to think I was supposed to be in work today. Happy Christmas, Kyoko.
If we are to regain full health, we must come up with a better system. Consider the facts. Evidence has shown excessive consumption of water and movement to be adding to the problem. However, lack of water is causing intense dehydration. So must drink. Yet, the journey back and forth to refill a glass of water is taking its toll. Note to self, must do better. Ok, my hypothesis is that if I can find my gargantuan flask from the old hiking days and have 3 sips every 5 minutes on the dot, this will reduce movement, conquer dehydration and most importantly stop the sickness. Well, enough fucking around. Time to put plan in to action.
Now could be time to get the first movie in of Funeralopolis's top 20 of 2023. Before we get any whining, I am yet to see the following: Napolean, Ferrari, Anatomy of a Fall, Fallen Leaves, The Boy and the Heron, The Holdovers, Hit Man, The Beast, Rotting in the Sun, Last Summer, The Zone of Interest, Thanksgiving and Poor Things. So no doubt this list will be subject to change once they all come available, such is the problem of being a British cinephile. You know how to change this though people. Get Mr Funeralopolis himself sent to some film festivals. Only way to do this is to increase readership. Funeralopolis isn't Fight Club so absolutely talk about it. When you're firing off those work emails, maybe send out a link to Funeralopolis, I guarantee it will ensure it finds the receiver well. Also, we're on the verge of embracing a physical format too, so get some copies in and then piss your neighbour off by posting them through his letterbox.
Success. Success. Success. From planning to execution. A well worked move from top to bottom. "Trust the process", as Jose Mourinho would say. Only thing for it now is to get some sleep and rest up. I take a few days off work and make my return on the Wednesday. Just 3 more days of this shit and we're done for Christmas. About an hour in comes this complaint call that's way above my pay grade. Quick message to the help chat, not the finest way to begin any morning. Manager responds with, "aren't you supposed to be on annual leave?". "Am I?", I reply. "Get gone. Disappear", he demands. I don't need a second request to leave work. How had this happened? How had this transpired? Whilst I was off ill, work took the liberty of putting through all my remaining holidays. They just forgot to tell me. Oh well. All I have to do is get this complaints call dealt with. Never been happier to take such a call. You say hello, I say goodbye.
You may say that's far too many films left to see to be doing a year end list. Times up, I'm afraid. We can't go backwards, we can only go forwards. My list from last year mostly remains the same except, The Master Gardener and Pacifiction turned out to be two of the best movies of the year that weren't accessible at the time. Next year, I will probably mention a few if there's any drastic changes. But for now just take a seat and hear me out.
1
