TV of the Week: Could this Hawaiian Shirt Loving, Moustache Donning King Become One of TV's Toughest?

Here we have an episode titled, 'Don't Eat Snow in Hawaii'. Since Hawaii isn't really known for its snowy weather, it didn't take too much Detective skills to work out this episode was going to be about one thing and one thing only: cocaine. And yes just like it's nickname snow, this is falling in from the skies. Who's dropping it? We need names and we need them now. Criminals it's time to pack your shit in. Someone's getting their ass whooped in this cop show of week. We're talking 80s classic Magnum P.I.

In this pilot, we first meet our titular hero as he gets up to some shady dealings. Mischiefs on the menu. Sneakily he arrives on to a beach via the seas and begins breaking in to an expensive looking property. In true noir style, we're hit with the narration for every little action we can see on the screen. Our moustache donning Magnum (the mighty Tom Selleck in his iconic role) informs us that he is indeed breaking in to the high priced beach house but he is not a crook. This is technically speaking his gaff. Magnum has worked out a sweet deal in which he is able to live at this place for free if he can test the security every once in a while. The gaffs real owner is a rich author who is barely around. Therefore, it's just Magnum, some Alfred Pennyworth like British Butler and a plethora of sexy female guests the author frequently let's stay there.

Magnum's mission for the day is to break in to the property and steal the author's Ferrari. So has Magnum got the tools? Before he can be tested, there is a moment where he touches a scar on his arm. We freeze frame and then cut to a black and white flashback of his time spent in Vietnam. Note, the black and white just to show these experiences as extra traumatic. Oh how cheesy, I was loving it already. Robert Loggia being his squad leader in the war just tops it off. What other role would he be playing but the angry disturbed squad leader?

Back in the present, our boy makes it past the two guard dogs, sprints across the garden and makes his way over the Ferrari. He's home free right? But oh no the Ferraris had an alarm that's been put on. Magnum has about one minute to crack the code or else the game is up. Of course, he manages to work it out in the time allocated. On the prospect of failure he lets us know, "Fate just wouldn't do that to me". That could well be the coolest thing anyone has ever said. At this point this weeks sexy house guests arrive and he informs them he'd take them for lunch to celebrate but he's got a friend to meet so off he goes in the Ferrari. Despite this being possibly the simplest security system I've ever seen, I had to hand it to Magnum he was a badass alright and this show was behaving exactly as it should. Introducing us to a character we could happily watch week in week out.

Following this initial successful little mission, we get the main plot of the pilot begin to creep in. Before Magnum can meet his old navy friend, the guy is killed and framed as a drug smuggler. Our private investigator then has the remainder of this two part pilot to figure out who set his friend up and why. The clocks ticking! What blew me head off instantly was that the "bad guys" shoved either 30 ounces or 80 ounces of coke (cannot remember which) down his friends throat and made him swallow them as part of the set up. That's got to be some of the most expensive framing I've ever seen. That's minimum 1 kilo, maximum just over 2.

Just who on earth are we dealing with? Knew straight away either this writing was stupid or we were dealing with some big time players who could be wasting up to 120 grand. Actually could well be even more here because this was straight off the plane. This ain't no small potatoes! Someone paid good money for this set up and you bet Magnum is going to find out who.

Standouts in this 90 minute opener were mainly in the first half with the confrontation with the navy commander, the binocular and shower bursting incidents and the shootout car chase. Firstly, I got well excited when he busted in to his old navy superiors office. Slams the door open fuming with no respect and bounces straight in to this guys office ready to have it out with him because he knows its bullshit about his friends framing. God I love a central character with no respect for authority. He comes out with a cracking line here, something like, "you gonna tell me what's going on here or you going to have to file me for assault?". This King is taking no shit. Turns out him and this navy fellow don't get on too well and have a bit of a history. So here's what we know from Magnums file so far: he's a nam war vet, who then became a navy man but became disillusioned with that life and now he's a god damn P.I.! Works for me.

Both the binocular and shower bursting incidents play out quite controversially from a modern perspective. We have the main character spying on women in the sea and then not respecting privacy as he deliberately enters a bathroom when ones in the shower. First case was well funny because they turn it in to some slapstick routine where he's trying to take a phone call across the room and stretching it as far as possible so he doesn't have to move from his perfect spot for spying. oddly, the girls even asked him to join them. Instead he just opts to stare at them. No idea what that's about the dirty little pervert! Put the binoculars down and get in with them!

Can't say I didn't appreciate the Rear Window/Body Double thing going on. Whole thing was quite Hitchcockian too with the mistaken identity/proving innocence plot line. Not enough sleazy perving in cop shows today, its become sort of absent in our current times. There was a time when it came with the territory. Take me back! In real life, don't condone it but in this field, it's something of a necessity. What would James Bond be without the playful perving? Therefore a lack of inclusion is actually marks down. Since its present here, more marks to Magnum PI.

Finally, the shootout car chase. Oh wow. That was the finest part of the pilot. A hairy foreign dude half sticking out the window spraying a machine gun at Mr Magnum. Typical arguably xenophobic shit with "foreign scum" bringing in those nasty drugs. This is good old American action. Got to give it to them, this pilot almost had it all. An adequate amount of 80s pleasures. Moustaches, licensed PI, cocaine, Ferraris, shootouts with foreigners, recognisable actors (judge Reinhold shows up in the second half!), fancy car showing off, a fine set of ladies, big houses, British butlers and Lacoste T shirts. Nearly all you could ask for from this kind of entertainment. Not quite the giant of Miami Vice and as legendary as that one's Pilot, "Brother's Keeper". Only thing missing is the AOR, yacht rock and synthpop. Hopefully we'll see some more of that culture as the episodes swing our way. Could this Hawaiian shirt loving, moustache donning king become one of TVs toughest? After 90 minutes in this world, I can thoroughly say we're on the right lines.

Bonus Points:

-All the sleazy 80s TV cop essentials: The women, the cars, the boats, the mansions, the cocaine, the Hawaiian shirts, the Lacoste shirts, the British butler, the shootouts!