Turning My Life and Will Over to the Care of God

When Reverend Brady asked me to share my testimony in worship a couple of months ago, I wasn’t sure where to even begin. He asked me to think about these three questions: 1) How was God at work in my life before I knew it? 2) How has following Jesus “saved” me? 3) What area of my life is God currently remaking?

Suddenly, the thoughts started to pour out…God was at work in my life from the moment I took my first breath. He blessed me with two incredible parents who have shown me the true meaning of unconditional love. God placed me in a loving home environment where church was a regular occurrence and special moments like baptism, first communion and confirmation were full of love and guidance. Even though I was supported by an incredible family with a strong faith and honest morals…somewhere along the way I lost sight of God’s will for me, and I started living a life full of self will instead.

At the age of 19, I started to go through moments of insecurity, fear and resentment…these moments led me to be dishonest. The lies would result in me stealing from my parents. The money they would give me for sorority fees and college textbooks, I would take and spend on drugs. The reality of the life I was living was a complete lie, and this quickly led me to a feeling of guilt, shame and remorse. Instead of leaning on God, my family, and my faith…I found myself relying on drugs and alcohol. This short-term solution of using drugs to feel some sort of relief lasted for 5 long years.

Emily & Dylan Jenks with their fur baby, Wilson.

During those years, if you would have asked me the question, “how is God at work in your life?” there is no way I could have answered this question, simply because I didn’t believe He was in my life. How could He be in my life? I viewed myself as a bad person. All those honest morals my parents had raised me with–I had completely abandoned. I was a selfish, dishonest and inconsiderate person.

In all reality, I was a drug addict. It didn’t matter if my Mom wanted to spend quality time with me. It didn’t matter if I had a college paper due. It didn’t matter if my true friends wanted to catch up over coffee. Drugs came first. I was completely lost. I had lost myself in my addiction and I didn’t think there was a way out.

Looking back, the answer is SO clear. Even during those 5 years, when I was using drugs, stealing from loved ones, lying to anyone that walked into my life, God never left my side. He was working through my parents who never gave up on me. He was working through friends and people in the community who prayed for me. He was there…He was just waiting for me to surrender to Him. And finally, that day came.

On Sunday February 17, 2013 I made the decision to get sober. You might be wondering, “what led me to this decision?" Well, I see it as God. God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. I was caught. The truth about the reality of my life came to surface. And for the first time in 5 years, I could not come up with another lie. I could not steal another valuable item from a loved one to support my addiction. I could not walk into another pawn shop. On that Sunday morning, I had this sense of complete defeat. I was done. And I wanted a way out. God was at work in my life, in this very moment through my parents. They never left my side. In fact, my dad is also an alcoholic. He got sober on August 12, 1991.

To this day, my dad has 28 years of continuous sobriety. I truly believe God blessed me with a sober father, who could relate to my struggles while providing me with hope and faith of a better life.

Jeremiah 29:11, "for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The moment I made the decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of God, everything started to change. Following Jesus has opened my eyes to trust His plan for me. I used to live in regret of the past, and fear of the future.

Now, I am grateful for my past because I truly believe that it has led me to the beautiful life that I have today. Following Jesus has saved me through the opportunities He grants for me to live out His will by sharing the struggles of my past with others and offering them hope for their future, in the same way my Dad did for me. I was once told, “you can only keep what you have, by giving it away.” I know that I can only keep my sobriety by sharing my testimony with others. I believe the same is true when it comes to strengthening our faith. My faith is strengthened when I hear your stories, your hardships and how you got through it by trusting in God. Following Jesus has saved me from running away when things get tough, and instead to lean on Him for direction.

I have been sober for six years now. I currently see God remaking and shaping me through challenging my faith. I can look back with clarity and see moments in my life, when I was in fear and was reminded to give this to God. Gosh, this is easier said than done. Sometimes it’s really, really hard. Currently, I am having to remember to turn a specific area of my life over to God. My husband has recently been approached about a potential job opportunity. While this opportunity could be incredible, I find myself living in fear because if it does happen, it would involve us leaving Louisiana. Change? I’m not good with change. I love my life here. I love my relationships and my home and my job and my routine. The second I get to thinking like this…I am challenged, by God…to remember to TRUST Him. Give this fear of the unknown, of what’s going to happen to Him. And the second I can remember to do that, suddenly, there is a rush of peace... that no matter what, it’s going to be OK. And you know what? When I remember to do this, when I remember to trust in Him, I suddenly realize His plan for me is always better than anything I could have ever planned for myself.

-Written by Emily Jenks