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inside VOL . 32, ISSUE 21
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FEB. 5-18, 2014
38 DAVID CRUZ P H OTO BY: B R A D F O R D R O G N E .CO M
| WA R D R O B E S T Y L I S T: J O E Y T H AO.CO M
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R E TO U C H I N G : F E L I P E M E N E Z E S .CO M
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inside
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VOL. 32, ISSUE 21 | FEB. 5 - 18, 2014
NEWS News Briefs ......................................................14 Special Reports ..............................................20
THE GAY AGENDA
..........................25
LEADING BY EXAMPLE ................28 SOCAL EVENTS GUIDE Calendar ..........................................................47 SnapShots........................................................48 Eating Out ......................................................49
ENTERTAINMENT Film Reviews ..................................................55 Music Reviews................................................56 Theater Reviews ............................................58
COLUMNS Billy Masters ..................................................60 Little Miss Know-It-All..................................61 Out & About ..................................................62 Gossip Gay ......................................................63
CITY GUIDES West Hollywood............................................64 Palm Springs ..................................................65
HEALTH X-Meth ............................................................68 HIV Living ........................................................69 Off the Couch ................................................70
FRONTIERS MARKETPLACE Listings ..............................................................71
FRONTIERS4MEN Adult Classifieds ............................................72 Sex Ed ..............................................................79
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Frontiers magazine is published by Frontiers Media, LLC., 5657 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 470, Los Angeles, CA. 90036, and distributed throughout Southern California. Up to the first three copies of any single issue are free; additional copies are $10 each. Violators caught stealing or destroying issues will be prosecuted under California Penal Code 484. For magazine subscriptions, please call (323) 9303220. The contents of Frontiers may not be reproduced in any manner, either in whole or in part, without permission from the publisher. All rights reserved. Letters to the editor, artwork, photography, manuscripts and other correspondence may be submitted to Frontiers at the above address. We cannot acknowledge or return material unless accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Allow at least three months for processing. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising in Frontiers is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation or the HIV/AIDS status of such person or organization. Copyright Š 2014, Frontiers Media, LLC.
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FRONTIERSLA.COM WEB_CONTENTS LIVE FROM THE BROAD STAGE: MEGAN MULLALLY HAS NO BOUNDARIES THE PERFECT MOVIE FOR A NEW GENERATION OF GAY CUPID AIN’T STUPID: 14 VALENTINE’S DAY GIFTS THAT’LL GETCHA SOME
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A GRINDR GUIDE (FOR SERIAL KILLERS) CHECK OUT OUR BOOK REVIEW OF HAM: SLICES OF LIFE BY SAM HARRIS LATIN RECORDING ARTIST IVY QUEEN IS THE QUEEN OF QUEENS
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IVY QUEEN
THE PERFECT WEDDING
MEGAN MULLALLY
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FrontiersLA.com Volume 32, Issue 21 5657 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 470, Los Angeles, CA 90036 Phone: (323) 930-3220 Sales Fax: (323) 857-0560 Administration Fax: (323) 848-2058 Accounting Fax: (323) 857-0503
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NEWS
Oral Arguments Heard in Virginia Marriage Case
Quick Pic
Oral arguments were heard in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia on Jan. 30 in a case challenging that state constitution’s same-sex marriage ban, approved by voters in 2006 as violative of the federal Constitution, BuzzFeed reports. The hearings followed a dramatic aboutface by the state of Virginia with respect to the case after the election in November of Democratic Attorney General Mark Herring. Herring, who replaced the rabidly anti-LGBT former Republican Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, announced in a Jan. 23 court filing that the state would be switching sides and aligning with the plaintiffs challenging the ban. “Having exercised his independent constitutional judgment, consistent with his oath of office, the Attorney General has concluded that Virginia’s laws denying the right to marry to same-sex couples violate the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution,” the filing said. The filing was remarkable for its expression of determination that Virginia not be on the wrong side of history a second time, as it was when it defended the state’s statute against interracial marriage decades ago in the Loving case. “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” the filing states, quoting George Santayana. “It is worth observing, therefore, that the arguments raised in Virginia’s brief in Loving to defend Virginia’s ban on interracial marriage are almost identical to the arguments that have been offered to support Virginia’s ban on same-sex marriage. The injustice of Virginia’s position in Loving will not be repeated this time.” The case was filed soon after the U.S. Supreme Court struck down parts of the Defense of Marriage Act and permitted the invalidation of California’s Proposition 8 to stand last summer, and Ted Olson and David Boies, the winning Prop. 8 attorneys, are now on the Virginia plaintiffs’ legal team.
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Actress and rapper Queen Latifah officiated at the wedding of 33 couples, many samesex, during the Jan. 26 Grammys at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Madonna stood by as de facto maid of honor, and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performed “Same Love,” their anthem decrying homophobia and urging support for marriage equality.
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DAVID BOHNETT HONORED BY THE AMERICAN JEWISH COMMITTEE Philanthropist and internet expert David Bohnett was honored Jan. 29 by the Los Angeles chapter of the American Jewish Committee with its Ira Yellin Community Leadership Award. “[I]t’s hard to overestimate the role Ira Yellin played in the renaissance of the historic core of Los Angeles and the downtown district,” Bohnett said at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. But Bohnett’s primary tribute was to Rand Schrader and Sheldon Andelson, gay leaders who died of AIDS and “who embodied the spirit of AJC through their courageous and trailblazing activism, their service to their communities, their commitment to family and their passion for social justice.” Bohnett concluded, “It’s been a great honor this evening to receive this award named after a hero of Los Angeles community service, and to help keep the memory alive of those who came before us who continue to inspire our passion for social justice and community service.” Go to FrontiersLA.com for more on the story and for photos.
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By Peter DelVecchio
No Gays Live in Sochi, Mayor Says Indiana Rep. Disappoints Culver City Gay Son An out Culver City man has taken to Facebook to express his disappointment with his father, Republican Indiana state Rep. Milo Smith, TheNewCivil RightsMovement.com reported Jan. 28. The elder Smith, chairman of the Indiana House Elections and Apportionment Committee, recently shepherded a harsh proposed anti-marriage equality amendment to that state's constitution out of his committee. “I’m not here to badmouth my dad,” Chris Smith wrote on Indiana Equality’s Facebook page. “I’m terribly disappointed in his decision and beliefs, but he’s not going to change them now if he hasn’t after all these years of knowing I am gay.” The bill passed the state House on Jan. 28 and will now go to the Senate Judiciary Committee, the New York Times reports. Provisions precluding civil unions were stripped from the bill before passage. Voters will have to approve the measure before it becomes part of the state constitution.
Sochi, host city for the 2014 Winter Olympics, is located on the Black Sea coast of the North Caucasus region of Russia and has a population of about 360,000 according to RussiaTrek.org. But not one of them is gay, according to Sochi Mayor Anatoly Pakhomov. “We do not have them in our city,” Mayor Pakhomov said in an interview with British television, Reuters reported Jan. 27. Pakhomov apparently has no empirical evidence to back up his claim; when pressed by reporters he conceded that he could not be absolutely certain, but said that he personally knew no homosexuals, adding that homosexuality “was not the custom in the Caucasus where we live.” The mayor is apparently unaware of the Mayak Café, a gay club in his city that has a website and boasts male strippers and drag shows. Pakhomov said gays coming to his city for the Olympics would be well treated, so long as they respect Russia’s laws. Last year, Russia enacted draconian anti-LGBT legislation that both sparked worldwide outrage and appears to have licensed an uptick in anti-gay violence and harassment in an already plenty homophobic society. Meanwhile, two Olympic sponsors, Coca-Cola and McDonald’s, are seeing their ad campaigns hijacked by activists protesting Russian anti-gay repression, the Huffington Post reports. Coke was forced to discontinue an interactive social media campaign that allowed people to put messages on Coke cans when people worldwide began using the tool to condemn Russia. McDonald’s has given up a hashtag, #CheerstoSochi, which was also taken over by pro-LGBT activists and used as a protest vehicle. The Olympic sponsors cannot say they were not warned. The Human Rights Campaign last August urged sponsors to take certain actions, including clearly condemning Russia’s anti-LGBT law and offering public support to the Russian LGBT community, but the sponsors reportedly did essentially nothing.
STUDY LINKS TRANS SUICIDE ATTEMPTS TO DISCRIMINATION A study detailing new analysis of responses to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey indicates that “transgender respondents who experience rejection by family and friends, discrimination, victimization or violence have a higher risk of attempting suicide,” a Jan. 28 release from UCLA’s Williams Institute states. According to the study, conducted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the Williams Institute, 78 percent of respondents who suffered physical or sexual violence at school—and 65 per-
cent who were victims of violence at work—reported suicide attempts. Among the study’s other findings were that suicide attempts are higher among those who are completely out as transgender, those who are HIV-positive or suffer disabilities and those who have experienced violence, discrimination or sexual violence by law enforcement. Suicide attempts were also slightly more frequent among trans men and women than among the entire population of transgender and gender nonconforming respondents generally.
SPEAK OUT “As a director and the father of two young sons, I am inspired by the NAACP’s continued efforts to recognize artists and leaders striving for a positive impact on the world, and I am humbled to join the ranks of those who have been honored before me.” —Out entertainment pioneer Paris Barclay on being named to the NAACP Image Awards Hall of Fame
“Today I am announcing that I have run my last campaign. I will not seek re-election to the Congress and will leave after 40 years in office at the end of this year.” —Westside Rep. Henry Waxman on Jan. 30 announcing his retirement.
“Allies are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. If they don’t use their platform [to support LGBT rights], they are cowards. If they do, they’re using our sexuality for profit.” —Out activist and author Dan Savage decrying gay criticism of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis in a piece posted at slog.thestranger.com
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Obama’s State of the Union Omits ENDA BY KAREN OCAMB In his State of the Union address to Congress on Jan. 28, President Obama promised 32 executive actions and other uses of his office to deal with income inequality and advance the economy. “I’m eager to work with all of you,” Obama said in his 65-minute address. “But America does not stand still—and neither will I. So wherever and whenever I can take steps without legislation to expand opportunity for more American families, that’s what I’m going to do.” The first executive order was raising the minimum wage to $10.10 an hour for future federal contract workers. But even that modest proposal— which polls show is widely popular with the American public—was greeted with GOP pushback. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, RKy., said Obama was wrong to think he could bypass Congress. “Ronald Reagan didn’t think that, and Bill Clinton didn’t think that,” he said. “Mitch McConnell is mistaken,” the National Journal reported. “No president since JFK has issued more executive orders than Ronald Reagan. And Barack Obama isn’t on track to top him.” Briefly overshadowing the State of the Union was Rep. Michael Grimm’s, R-N.Y., threat when NY1 reporter Michael Scotto asked about a Justice Department investigation into Grimm’s 2010 campaign. “If you ever do that to me again, I’ll throw you off this fucking balcony,” Grimm said, standing on the third floor of the House rotunda. Scotto said it was “a valid question.” “No, no. You’re not man enough. You’re not man enough. I’ll break you in half, like a boy,” Grimm replied. He later apologized. (See video at tinyurl.com/l7277ck.) Opinions varied on the State of the Union. The Huffington Post’s Howard Fineman called it “a tour de force,” applauding the strategy of a president hovering around 43 percent in the polls to “[s]peak grandly of relatively uncontroversial things and hope that the GOP overplays its hand.” But many LGBT equality advocates were furious that Obama talked about income inequality but did not mention the publicly supported Employment Non-Discrimination Act, ENDA, or announce that—expecting continued inaction by Congress— he would sign an executive order banning LGBT discrimination in federal contracts. “The president’s message tonight failed to address the needs of LGBT workers looking for a fair shake in this economy,” said Human Rights Campaign President Chad Griffin. “Not only was
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there no call for the House to pass a federal law to protect LGBT workers nationwide, President Obama also sidestepped his commitment to take action where Congress has left off, leaving out an order prohibiting discrimination by federal contractors.” Obama, Griffin said, “missed a real opportunity” to commit in the State of the Union to “executive action to address anti-LGBT discrimination for the millions of Americans employed by federal contractors.” “It’s surprising and disappointing that President Obama did not mention LGBT workplace protections in the State of the Union,” Tico Almeida, President of Freedom to Work, told Frontiers. “ENDA would have fit perfectly into the themes of this speech, and the executive action that President Obama promised the LGBT community too many years ago will still fit perfectly into the upcoming ‘year of action.’ We will keep pushing President Obama and House of Representatives leaders until we have both an executive order and a complimentary statute protecting LGBT Americans from getting fired just because of who they are or who they love. ENDA now has 201 co-sponsors in the House of Representatives, and Freedom to Work and many other LGBT organizations will be working hard this year to increase the number of sponsors to demonstrate that more than 218 members support this common sense legislation.” The White House released a fact sheet noting that federal law prohibits employment discrimi-
nation based on race, sex, religion and disability, saying, “It’s time to add sexual orientation and gender identity to that list, so that no American worker can lose his or her job simply because of who they are or who they love.” “The State of the Union isn’t a comprehensive list of all of the president’s positions or priorities. The president has long supported ENDA, and its inclusion in our fact sheet reflects the president’s belief that Congress needs to act. It’s time to add sexual orientation and gender identity to the list of categories protected by federal law against employment discrimination. No American worker should lose his or her job simply because of who they are or who they love. Last year, a bipartisan majority of the Senate passed ENDA, and the president renews his call for the House to do the same,” Shin Inouye, the White House’s Director of Specialty Media, told Frontiers. “Regarding an executive order for federal contractors on LGBT non-discrimination, as we’ve discussed many times before, we have no updates.” After the State of the Union, out Rep. Mark Takano from Riverside told the Washington Blade that he thought Obama would issue an executive order to protect LGBT workers. However, he also reported that House Speaker John Boehner, ROhio, met with the LGBT Equality Caucus and said “no way was [ENDA] going to get done in this session.” For an in-depth State of the Union analysis, go to tinyurl.com/mj7hbfh.
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PHOTO: REX WOCKNER
NEWS
Incoming Assembly Speaker Toni Atkins Is Ready to Fight BY KAREN OCAMB It had been rumored that openly gay Assembly Speaker John A. Pérez wanted out lesbian Assembly Majority Floor Leader Toni Atkins of San Diego to succeed him. But the speed with which their Democratic colleagues elected Atkins on Jan. 22 was startling. After all, the Speaker of the Assembly is considered the second most powerful person in state politics after the governor. “I am humbled, grateful and ready to get to work,” Atkins said after her election. “From the drought we are experiencing to ensuring a healthy business climate and a world-class educational system, California is facing important issues in the near future. I look forward to leading the State Assembly in working with the Senate and the governor to meet our challenges and to move our great state forward.” Pérez said he was “delighted” with the choice. “I supported Ms. Atkins for Speaker because she is a strong leader on vital issues like increasing Californians access to
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health care, creating jobs and strengthening our state’s economy, and ensuring we honor the state’s debt to our veterans. I have also seen, perhaps better than anyone, how hard she works to keep the Assembly on track to take care of the people’s business.” A full Assembly vote is expected in the spring. Atkins will be the third woman and second out person to hold the post. And with the assumption of power and the responsibilities of the office, more attention might be paid to issues of deep concern to Atkins, such as homelessness and poverty, women’s reproductive health, veteran’s issues and, of course, LGBT issues. On Jan. 30, for instance, she introduced a bill—AB 1577, the Respect After Death Act, sponsored by the Transgender Law Center and Equality California—that will help ensure transgender people have their authentic gender identity reflected on their death certificates. The first hearing is expected in March. Last year, Atkins introduced AB 1121, which significantly improved access to legal name changes and identity documents that accurately reflect transgender Cali-
fornians’ gender identity. Gov. Brown signed AB 1121 last October. In a recent interview, Atkins told Frontiers that she is “really excited” about the prospects of the new job, noting “there are a ton of things I have to learn.” She credited Pérez with going out of his way “to make sure that I have a perspective of how this proceeds forward, what I need to know.” Atkins said she felt “incredibly fortunate” to have had her experiences in politics be more about encouragement and mentoring than the backstabbing that too often results from political competition. Atkins, 51, earned her grassroots stripes as a clinic administrator in San Diego from 1987 to 1993—a heated time when women seeking abortions needed protection from rabid pro-life demonstrators. She subsequently volunteered on the City Council campaign of Christine Kehoe in 1993, joining her paid staff shortly after that. When Kehoe was elected to the Assembly in 2000, Atkins was elected to her seat. She married Jennifer LeSar in 2008. Chris Kehoe, Atkins said, “has
been an incredibly important influence in my life. She was not only a mentor— she’s been an incredible friend. Frankly, when I came to Sacramento, she paved the way for me here and made it so much easier for me to transition from local government to state.” Mentoring other women and members of the LGBT community is important to Atkins, who continues to serve on the board of the Victory Institute, the nonprofit side of the Victory Fund. “It really is about trying to mentor other members of our community. I think it’s really important. I’m happy to be part of that, and I’m still there for that very reason,” she said. “Politics promotes competition. I don’t know if it is because I’m a woman, but I tend to look at things more as a collaboration rather than competition. That is my approach to things. That’s how I like to do things, and it’s always worked for me,” Atkins said, giving insight into how she views good governance. Atkins is also passionate about protecting children, and when asked about the prospect of facing a referendum to overturn AB 1266—the transgender school accessibility law that went into effect on Jan. 1—the incoming lesbian Speaker of the California Assembly said she would do whatever she could to help protect that law. “I feel good because a number of school districts already have addressed these issues in their internal policies,” Atkins said. “My concern is for the districts that have not, and that we continue to hold first and in the forefront protections for our students, and that’s what this is really about. It’s about protection and public safety in schools for all kids. ... All we’re trying to do is equalize it throughout the state. “If it comes to the point where we have to have a campaign, I will find a way to be involved and do whatever I can to help those leading the fight,” Atkins said. “This is about protecting young people, and I will help in any way they ask me to.”
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Breakthrough Ruling in Favor of Maine Trans Student BY KAREN OCAMB The Maine Supreme Court issued a historic ruling Jan. 30 that school officials violated the state’s anti-discrimination law when they prohibited a transgender girl from using the girls’ restroom at her public school. The ruling in Doe v. Clenchy is extraordinary, a legal slap in the face to the anti-LGBT Privacy for All Students coalition, which is trying to overturn AB 1266, the School Success and Opportunities Act enacted Jan. 1 to protect and provide equal access to trans students. Asked on Wednesday what he thought of the PFAS effort, Gov. Jerry Brown told Frontiers, “not much.” Justice Warren Silver starts off his 23-page opinion with Fact #3: “Susan Doe,” later identified as Nicole Maines, is a transgender girl. (Read the full opinion attinyurl.com/k64dts8.) Nicole is the trans girl PFAS is so frightened about. “Susan Doe is a transgender girl. She was born male, but began to express a female gender identity as early as age two,” Silver writes. “Beginning in the first grade, she attended Asa Adams School in Orono. Susan generally wore gender-neutral clothing to school until her third-grade year, when her identity as a girl became manifest. At that time, the school principal first became aware that Susan was transgender.” The school put together a team to work with Nicole’s parents to enable her to feel safe in her educational environment. By the third grade, teachers and students called Nicole “she,” and by the fourth grade, she was “appearing exclusively as a girl.” By fifth grade, Nicole had been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. “School officials recognized that it was important to Susan’s psychological health that she live socially as a female,” Silver wrote. That included using the communal girls’ bathroom. “The team agreed that requiring Susan to use the boys’ bathroom was not an acceptable option; the principal later
PHOTO: GLAD
Nicole Maines and her father, Wayne
testified that it would not have been safe for Susan to do so.” All “went smoothly” until fifth grade in Sept. 2007 when a boy twice followed Nicole into the restroom, claiming he was entitled to use the girls’ bathroom. “The student was acting on instructions from his grandfather, who was his guardian and was strongly opposed to the school’s decision to allow Susan to use the girls’ bathroom,” Silver writes. After a media firestorm, the school reversed itself and required Nicole to use the staff bathroom. Nicole’s parents filed a complaint with the Human Rights Commission, which later joined the family in the lawsuit. “The school team,” Silver wrote, “agreed with Susan’s family and counselors that, for this purpose (as for virtually all others), Susan is a girl. Based upon its determination that Susan is a girl, and in keeping with the information provided to the school by Susan’s family, her therapists and experts in the field of transgender children, the school determined that Susan should use the girls’ bathroom. In so doing, the school provided her with the same access to public facil-
ities that it provided other girls.” Treating Nicole differently from other students “solely because of her status as a transgender girl,” Silver wrote, was discrimination forbidden by the Maine Human Rights Act. Silver added that the ruling does not “permit students casual access to any bathroom of their choice”— as argued by the grandfather in the case and PFAS in California. “This is a momentous decision that marks a huge breakthrough for transgender young people,” said Jennifer Levi, director of GLAD’s Transgender Rights Project, who argued the case before the Maine Law Court on June 12. “We are very grateful and relieved that the Court said our daughter should not be singled out for different treatment at school simply because she is transgender,” said Wayne Maines, now-16-year-old Nicole’s father, who choked up during a conference call with reporters. “As parents all we’ve ever wanted is for Nicole and her brother Jonas to get a good education and to be treated just like their classmates, and that didn’t happen for Nicole. What happened to my daughter was extremely painful
for her and our whole family, but we can now close this very difficult chapter in our lives. We are very happy knowing that because of this ruling, no other transgender child in Maine will have to endure what Nicole experienced.” “As a transgender man myself,” said Transgender Law Center Executive Director Masen Davis, “I understand how important this decision is for young people. Transgender youth too often face exclusion and barriers simply for being their true selves. Thankfully, the tide is shifting towards fairness and understanding. It warms my heart to see so many schools, parents and families here and across the country standing up for all students, including transgender students, so that our next generation can thrive.” “Every young person deserves a fair opportunity to do well in school,” said Equality California Executive Director John O’Connor. “[The] decision by the Maine Supreme Court gives important guidance to schools, as does California’s School Success and Opportunity Act. This ruling is good news for transgender youth not just in Maine but across the country.”
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A Dreamgirl returns after her more-than-two-decade hiatus, one of punk’s hottest bands gets a new frontwoman, a new kind of nail shop for guys debuts on Melrose and the glorious smell of pig fat is set to take over Petersen Auto Museum.
BY DUANE WELLS
GETTING COMFORTABLE IN LOS FELIZ Immortalized in Vince Vaughn’s Swingers, the space formerly known as the Brown Derby is today the epitome of Los Feliz hipster chic. Messhall Kitchen, as it is now known, has settled comfortably into its epic environs with an updated menu of comfort food that has afflicted locals and foodies from all over L.A. with brief bouts of amnesia regarding calories, carbs and the muchballyhooed perils of sugar. Cocktails poured from small-batch American spirits are kinda brilliant (the house Old Fashioned ingeniously reinvents the classic); corn fritters are smoked and served with a poblano and pumpkin romesco; pork belly is perfectly crisped and served alongside fried pickles and a remoulade in a mouthwatering pairing; and the Willard’s “Far-Famed” Crispy Chicken served with Yukon mash, gravy and slaw sets a new benchmark for fried chicken. That said, you don’t have to be bad to be good at Messhall, where (in keeping with the predispositions of locals in the hood) vegan options like the Camp Chili and the Kale Caesar have followings of their own. Ditto for the desserts, of which the Banana Cream Jar Pie (complete with banana brulée) and the Some More (a chocolate bread pudding and graham crumble served with the ‘most amazing ever’ marshmallow ice cream) are the undeniable stars. Popular nights: Mondays for $15 Burger & Beer (or Bourbon) and Tuesdays for $1 Oysters and $5 Drafts. messhallkitchen.com
O’ SWINE O’ MINE The Second Annual Los Angeles Bacon Festival will take place on Saturday, Feb. 8, from 2-6 p.m. at the Petersen Automotive Museum. Featuring dozens of restaurants and bakeries, the event will pay homage to all things bacon. Oink! labaconfest.com
SHE’S NOT GOIN’ It’s been 23 years since original Dreamgirl Jennifer Holliday released a pop album, and it’s been 33 years since the big-voiced diva first shook the rafters of Broadway’s Imperial Theatre with her showstopping performance of “And I’m Telling You, I’m Not Going” (the torch ballad that has since become the gold standard against which many a diva’s talents have been judged). When she said she wasn’t going, she clearly meant it. This month the Grammy and Tony Awardwinning singer is back with a new album, The Song Is You. A compilation of standards—like the title track (a Frank Sinatra classic), “At Last” and “Nobody Does It Better”—the collection also takes some interesting turns, including Holliday’s take on a little-known R&B song entitled “Are You Leaving Me,” previously only recorded as a demo by Aretha Franklin. Listeners will also find a soul-stirring rendition of the pop ballad “The One You Used to Be,” a song Holliday penned for the late Whitney Houston. Bottom line: She’s stayin’. Also out this month: Transgender Dysphoria Blues, the much-buzzed-about new punk album from Against Me! and transgender frontwoman Laura Jane Grace (formerly Tom Gabel).
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE
Miley Cyrus, will.i.am, French Montana and Wiz Khalifa team up on the release “Feelin’ Myself,” testing whether 2014 will, like 2013, be the year of Miley.
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The number of novels in Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City series, including his latest (and last), The Days of Anna Madrigal, on sale last month. Now a fragile 92 years old, Anna Madrigal— the transgender landlady of 28 Barbary Lane, one of modern literature’s most unforgettable and enduring characters—is committed to the notion of “leaving like a lady,” having found peace with her San Francisco family. The suspenseful, comic and touching novel unearths secrets spanning 75 years.
THAT’S A WRAP! MANICURE ON MELROSE
PALEYFEST 2014
Picture an ultra-cool man cave on Melrose decorated with oversized leather chairs, the front end of a classic Chevy pickup truck and a 1940s leather punching bag. Then picture custom-designed hand and foot treatments paired with personal flat-screen TVs, headphones and complimentary beverages. If that sounds like your version of pampered heaven, then Hammer & Nails—opened by A-list Hollywood entertainment exec and screenwriter Michael Elliot—may well be your new escape. Billed as L.A.’s first nail shop for guys, Hammer & Nails is looking to reshape the face of man-grooming nationwide. hammerandnails-salon.com
NEW MONTH, NEW SUNGLASSES
Tickets for PaleyFest 2014, the ultimate TV fan festival, are on sale now. Get up close and personal with the casts of your favorite shows, like Orange is the New Black, Veep, The Mindy Project and American Horror Story: Coven, among others. paleycenter.org.
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Two years after arriving in the United States with a suitcase full of jersey dresses, Diane von Furstenberg created the wrap dress, revolutionized women’s fashion, became a fixture at Studio 54 and ultimately earned the moniker ‘fashion icon’ before marrying billionaire Barry Diller (unconventional though their union may be). Fittingly, now comes DVF 40: Journey of a Dress, an exhibition celebrating the little wrap dress that started it all. Through April 14, take a stroll down memory lane with DVF’s creations at the Wilshire May Company building on Wilshire, adjacent to LACMA. ‘Tis the stuff of fashion legend. dvf.com/wrap40
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On the list of things we currently love is Stunner of the Month, a hot new online club for diehard fashionistas started by a group of friends who enjoy jet-setting around the globe and shopping for the newest, coolest styles in fashion eyewear. Here’s how it works: For just $9 per month (including shipping), every member of the Stunner of the Month club receives a hand-picked new style of sunglasses with a one-of-a-kind look and unique history. I mean, what’s not to love? It’s like the fashion fairies bring you a surprise every four weeks for less than the cost of a post-happy hour cocktail. It’s called winning! stunnerofthemonth.com
George Michael is set to release his sixth studio album, Symphonica, on March 17. Fans can download a free orchestral version of the track “Praying for Time” on Michael's Facebook page now. (facebook.com/georgemichael)
New York-based Big Gay Ice Cream is bringing its signature Bea Arthur Cone and Salty Pimp chocolatedipped ice cream cones to DTLA’s 9th and Broadway. Expected arrival: Spring 2014. Long lines expected.
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L E A D I N G BY E X A M P L E
DAMON HOLZUM AN EDUCATOR WITH A SEX-POSITIVE MESSAGE By Michelle McCarthy Damon Holzum grew up in Montana, raised by supportive parents who didn’t instill any shame or guilt in their children. While not a dinnertime conversation, sex was a pretty open topic in his household. In high school, Damon was sexually active, but it was always ingrained in him to be safe. That education, awareness and fearless spirit continued when Damon started exploring sex with boys. It also created the solid foundation Damon now uses as a sex educator and therapist. He hosts workshops in which anyone with an adventurous side—or even just a tickle of curiosity—will have a great time learning about sex and intimate interaction. How did you become a sex educator? I’ve been very sexually adventurous, so I found myself defaulting to an educational role in the bedroom. Exploring sex that was fun, titillating, unique or risqué made me the best at it, and I love sharing a hot time. About 12 years ago I was dating a boy who tested HIV-positive shortly after we started dating. I learned everything I could about HIV in a very short period of time. I saw an opportunity to reach out, educate and support our community, and be a strong voice for sex-positive education. I became a state-certified HIV counselor and worked at a progressive testing facility, helping individuals with the stress of testing. Then my human sexuality professor asked me to present HIV basics in his class. Walking to my car after class, a 19-year-old gay boy came up to me and said, “I didn’t know people like you existed.” He was HIV-positive and honestly had no idea there could be an early 30s, HIVnegative, out, proud, unashamed gay man talking
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about HIV and realistic sex to anyone who would listen. It really made me think and solidified my path to being a sex-positive educator and therapist. What occurs at your workshops? I have a “Sex for Gay Men” workshop in which I dive into intimacy, safer sex practices, coupling and literally whatever kinky, fun, sexy topics the audience wants me to cover. One of my most popular classes is my “Hardcore Class,” in which I cover tantalizing topics such as fisting, watersports, dirty play and the big butt-clencher— sounding. I’m launching a polyamory class in which I’ll be focusing on the nuances of finding, playing and maintaining multiple-partner romances. In each of my classes, I encourage people to engage, ask questions and really embrace this opportunity to chat about sex in a sex-positive space. I bring people up to demonstrate positions, and I love to pluck the most demure-looking boy or girl out of the audience, knowing they’re a kinkster at heart. Where do your workshops take place? The Pleasure Chest has been an amazing and accommodating venue, allowing me to present my classes to a diverse audience. I’ve also done a more intimate class at Liberace’s Penthouse with my fellow sex therapist, Moushumi Ghose. We had the honor of doing a butt play class on the balcony, mere feet away from Matt Damon’s meltdown [in Behind the Candelabra]. I’ve also done a live demo at Stockroom in Silver Lake. That one is the real deal and allows me to instruct my anal and fisting class and then segue into a live fisting demo. To put into practice the
skills I talk about really shows the techniques at work, the intimacy and the connection that can come from this type of play. How many people attend? My classes range in size from 10 people up to 50-plus. Why do people attend? People attend to explore and learn. They attend to feel a sense of community and connection to something they may be curious about, or they’re old pros confirming their interests. I’ve had drag queens, straight couples and singles, grandmas, transgender and gay boys all in the audience having a great time. Who are they geared toward? Everyone is welcome to attend. Sex is definitely universal in my mind, and I have great participation from all walks of life. I’m not going to lie—I’m a gay boy, so I have a bit of expertise in that arena, but I do know my way around some lady parts, too, and I love women to participate. I find a lot of the tips and tricks I talk about can be used by straight couples just as easily as the gay men. What is the main message you want to get across to people about sex? You are not alone. No matter what you’re into, embrace, enjoy and exhibit sex. Sex is one of the most pure and beautiful things humans can do, and I want people to experience it at a truly fulfilling level. damonholzum.com
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BY DUANE WELLS
JASON VORSE REIMAGINES FLORAL DESIGN Even before entering a single rosebud vase arrangement into competition at a state fair in Castle Rock, Wash., at the tender age of 8, Jason Vorse—the Los Angeles-based, internationally recognized Lead Floral Designer of AOO Floral—had already developed a passion for flowers. In truth, Vorse was merely continuing and building upon the interest in horticulture that his great grandmother Rose—a florist herself, whose name in and of itself presaged her great grandson’s future career—had nurtured in him early on in his childhood. You might even say Jason was born with a proverbial green thumb. “I was that dork,” Vorse says with a laugh, reflecting on his early forays into floral design. “Grandma was helping me at the time, [but] my interest began in my own house. I helped create 35 acres of gardens surrounding our house. I’ve always helped in the garden. I’ve always done little arrangements for different parties or whatever from an early age. Probably from the age of 4 or 5 that’s what me and grandma and my aunts did. A few years later, after I kept competing in the Castle Rock Fair, I went on to my first job at 15, which was working in greenhouses, where I was cultivating varieties with different scientists.” A quick study, Vorse had earned the designation Master Gardener by the age of 16, further confirming the course that had been ordained for him. After high school, he continued onto the Seattle Floral Design Institute, where he studied floral mechanics and design elements, and it was in this period that he began to develop his “modern with a romantic edge” approach to floral design, combining sculptural and cerebral elements—now his calling card.
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“I studied horticulture and plant physiology, and that was when I started to see how I could pull things apart and use them in different ways and actually design in a different fashion than I saw before,” Vorse offers in explanation of his groundbreaking work. “I use the product in a different way typically. With my knowledge of plant physiology I often don’t use things in water at all. I often separate the orchids into five or six different pieces and then reconstruct them in a different fashion. So the way I put things back together— whether it’s in their natural form or after I have basically dissected them—is basically what creates the difference [between myself and other floral designers].” Vorse’s unique talent earned him not only the immediate attention of the Four Seasons in Los Angeles, whose design department he would head for five years, but also the attention of none other than Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, who commissioned the designer’s talents to brighten up a celebration for one of her royal descendants. “Queen Elizabeth hired me to come down to Sandringham Castle for Princess Beatrice’s 18th birthday,” recounts Vorse. “We transformed one of the ballrooms into a discotheque, which was ridiculous. We utilized what was in the ballroom— these $50,000 crystal containers—which was scary as all get out, but it was a pretty cool opportunity to be able to really go in there and change that whole space.” Not long after that royal appointment, the Thai royal family came calling, offering the master florist the most exciting opportunity of his career—creation of a calendar promoting
tourism to Thailand. It gave him the rare chance to scour the country’s jungles, local shops and products, designing while utilizing the country’s natural resources. “Really jumping into the culture was probably the most exciting part for me,” Vorse says. A Gemini, Vorse acknowledges that diversity is what keeps him interested in his work, saying flatly, “I get very bored if my brain is not being stroked.” It is a fact well borne out by the variety of freelance projects the floral Jedi took on in his freelance years prior to joining AOO Floral, a division of AOO Events. “[After the Four Seasons] I started freelancing and looking for different ways to express myself,” Vorse says of the journey to his current destination. “I started to do more editorial, and that really pushed me in different directions. It allowed me to build wedding dresses for photo shoots and do jewelry lines. I actually worked with several
different jewelry designers, making prototypes out of real flesh floral before they were cast in silver, gold and diamonds. I did that for about seven years and worked freelance, and now I’m kind of doing all of the above with AOO.” With such a full and varied plate, one might think Vorse had tested enough boundaries, but that couldn’t be further from the truth according to the designer, who aspires to create “wearable art.” “Most everything I do is pretty sculptural,” he expounds. “But I think [I’d like to create] some sort of livable, wearable piece for someone like Lady Gaga, because it lends itself to my style. Back in the day when Gaga was first coming out, ‘Gaga Gone Green’ was my goal. But even a [RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 3 winner] Raja getup lends itself to what I want to do. I could see that happening very flawlessly.” And quite fragrantly, no doubt.
Find out more about Jason Vorse and AOO Floral at facebook.com/AOOEvents. (323) 467-2111 ext. 12
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MONEY’S ON THE DRESSER Who hasn’t wondered what an escort’s life is really like? Well, adult film star Christopher Daniels aims to answer your libidinous questions, having chronicled his career as a businessman who sells time and companionship to other men in the new book Money’s on the Dresser. Dubbed the “Hemingway of Hookers”—a genius moniker if ever there was one—Daniels shares personal and revealing moments in the memoir, including hilarious trials and tribulations from his time spent as an escort and porn performer. We present you with an excerpt from Christopher Daniels’ literary debut, out now.
Chapter Two: FAGGOT Although I didn’t come from a background most people would associate with someone in the sex industry, feelings I had are familiar to many who made similar choices. Even as a young kid, it was clear there was something missing in my life. My need for approval and love goes back as far as I can remember. I never felt like I fit in, whether at school, during recess or gym class, church, playing with the neighborhood boys, or at home. I always felt like I was standing on the outside of everything that was happening around me and never felt like I was a part of a community or group of people. The question of love was never an issue in my home, but I knew from a young age I wasn’t anything like my older siblings or extended family. My family always loved me and was very proud of me and my accomplishments, but I always felt very distant from them and never felt like they fully understood what was going on in my mind. Unfortunately, it always felt like something was keeping me from truly feeling close or connected to them. This caused me to become very withdrawn and shy in
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social settings, as well as apprehensive about putting myself out there or getting to know the people around me. I didn’t come from a broken home, I wasn’t sexually abused, and I didn’t even lose my virginity until I was nineteen. Aside from smoking pot, I didn’t really start experimenting with drugs until my mid-twenties and, even then, only recreationally. When I started escorting in 2009, I looked online for books, documentaries, interviews, movies, and TV shows about the world of male escorting. The only materials I could find were a few outdated books, magazine interviews, and YouTube video clips. They were anywhere from ten to twenty-plus years old. Most of the sources discussed male “hustlers” putting ads in the back pages of XXX magazines or standing on the street corner waiting to be picked up by middle-aged men throughout the night. Many of the accounts talked about these guys struggling with drug addiction, coming from broken homes, and living on the streets or in shitty hotel rooms. Most of them only
PHOTO: ANTHONY MEADE
escorted to support a drug habit. It all seemed very dark, sad, and depressing. I could relate to none of it, and I struggled to find current information on what it’s like to work in the sex industry, because although it was all very new to me, I knew it couldn’t be as bleak and dark as how people made it out to be. I wasn’t exposed to sex or pornography at a young age; I didn’t even know how two men had sex until I was fourteen and a straight male friend explained it to me. Looking back, I am amused at how naïve I was, especially considering how kids are so easily exposed to things like pornography and sex at younger and younger ages. It seems like most fourteen- and fifteen-year-olds today have more knowledge and experience than I did in my late teens and early twenties. (This isn’t making me sound like a very interesting escort, is it?) I don’t speak for everyone in the sex industry, but in my experience, I have come to learn that not all escorts and porn stars are meth-head, drug-abusing sex addicts who will give a ten-dollar blowjob to buy their next hit. During my first week as a male escort, I got a phone call from a Las Vegas native. His name was Kyle, a man in his early sixties. He invited me to spend the evening with him and two other escorts visiting from Los Angeles. Their names were Christopher and Kristofer. I wasn’t sure
how he was going to keep the three of us all straight, but I agreed to meet them the following evening. When I got to the hotel room, I expected to walk into the room to see some trashy, shirtless, drunk young men smoking cigarettes and high on something. Instead, I walked into a room where I met Kyle and two good-looking men in their early thirties. Christopher Number One was a massage therapist from Los Angeles, and Kristofer Number Two was an actor from North Hollywood. Both were clean-cut, good-looking men who looked like the boy-next-door type. Neither did porn, had ever touched drugs, or even drank much. In fact, Kristofer admitted his biggest weakness was penny slot machines and Mountain Dew soda. These two guys were not what I had expected of the majority of male escorts. We spent two or three hours that night talking and getting to know each other before finally moving to the bedroom to do what we ultimately came to do. Kyle was a nice man and really got off on spending quality time going to dinner, shows, hanging out and talking with male escorts. He enjoyed getting to know us, giving us advice and listening to the things we were going through in our personal lives. Sexual contact had very little to do with our meetings, but eventually it happened. Christopher, Kristofer, Kyle, and I moved to the bedroom to get things started. Kyle took out some Vaseline to jerk one
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of us off and make out while the other two would fuck like animals. All three of us appeared to be such nice, cleancut, well-mannered men, but once the clothes came off and the lights went down, Christopher and Kristofer became aggressive dominating tag-team tops and took turns fucking me. I remember thinking halfway through the orgy, “How could this be considered work?” I was having a blast, and Kyle was getting off on just sitting back and watching us go at it. I read many accounts of guys and girls who went into the sex industry, and most came from broken homes or struggled with addictions and abuse. I, on the other hand, spent my childhood going to church up to three times a week, twice on Sunday and Bible study on Wednesday. I took part in acting, dance, and music lessons my whole life. I listened to children’s Bible story tapes produced by Focus on the Family every night, and I would spend hours singing along to Broadway as a kid. Annie was my favorite musical, and I could rock out the opening song “Maybe” better than any girl under the age of ten auditioning for the show. Everything I did as a child was pretty much considered “gay” by my peers, classmates, teachers, and family members. I was the typical gay kid in school. I spent my childhood in school musicals and ballet class and begged my mom to put me in cooking and sewing lessons. It still makes me laugh when I told my mom I was gay at age twenty-two and she had a hard time dealing with it. She’s the one who went along with putting me in cooking, sewing, knitting, dance, and violin lessons, after weeks or even months of me pleading and begging her. Other than becoming gay, how else would I have turned out? I was the youngest of five kids and my three older brothers were always the more athletic ones. I remember spending a lot of time in hockey arenas, watching my brothers play on various church and local hockey teams. I pretty much detested all sports but enjoyed going to their games for the eye candy. Two of my brothers went to the same Bible College. I’d love to go spend the day with them because their friends would always be hanging around and sometimes shirtless and I thought they were so fucking hot. I fantasized about their friends all the time and I’d get instant erections watching them walk around topless and freeballing in gym shorts. As a child, I didn’t completely understand what “gay” meant. I knew I enjoyed looking at attractive men and I remember falling in love with guys or having crushes at least once a week. I had no clue why, but I knew it raised a few eyebrows when my sibling’s friends came over and saw me playing with dolls, dressing up, or playing house in the basement. My parents never encouraged me to play with girl’s toys, but they knew it was what I liked and I don’t think they knew quite how to handle it, so they just loved me and tried their best to make me content. I have to give credit to them because not every parent would react so graciously if they had a son as effeminate or as vocal about wanting to do everything my female schoolmates did. Before I came out of the closet to my family, friends would laugh at me when I told them my parents didn’t know I was gay. They would look at me as if to say, “How could they not know? Look at yourself.” It wasn’t meant as an insult or mean-spirited, and I understood where they were coming from, but I honestly believe my family was pretty naïve and really had no understanding of what being gay was, or even what gay men were really like. They
knew I was different and loved me for that. For that I am forever grateful. Telling them was still difficult even if all signs pointed to G-A-Y. They couldn’t fully be okay with it because from what they knew, and from what the Bible taught, homosexuality was wrong and there was no way around it. To my family, the Bible was the word of God, and that was that. When I was struggling about whether or not to tell my family I was gay, my friends would often ask, “But doesn’t your family want you to be happy? If being gay is who you are and makes you happy, isn’t it all that matters?” I would think, Not to my family, but would simply tell them, “I guess so.” For many Christians, happiness is not the most important thing in life. Holiness and following God’s word are more important. Therefore, if you are not happy, it is something you need to pray about. Growing up, I was taught that your personal relationship with Jesus Christ was all that mattered, and you needed to do whatever it took to work on that relationship accord-
the people being infected were gay or drug users. One of my brothers—as well as myself—didn’t know what being gay meant and when we asked, my sister told us, without being too graphic, that being gay was when two men had sex with each other. From that simple description, I realized I must be gay. Even at that young age, I knew I had a deep connection with men and a desire to be with them. I didn’t know what sex was, but I knew I was attracted to other boys my age, as well as older men, so I figured it all meant the same thing. I must be gay. Jumbling the facts, I figured that if I was gay, I would inevitably contract HIV/AIDS and die like the men described in my sister’s book. I felt like the overall tone of the book was that gay men and drug users deserved to get HIV/AIDS because what they were doing was immoral and wrong. It wasn’t rational, but I was young and had no real understanding of what being gay really meant. Instead, I gathered from my family’s reaction that being gay was dirty and disgusting; that these gay men were vile individuals. At that moment I decided I should definitely keep my mouth shut about the neighborhood boys I had a crushes on and try my best to hide these feelings. From a very young age, I felt like my fate was sealed. I was gay, would be rejected by my family, die a slow horrible death of pneumonia, lying in dirty diapers as I shit myself in a hospital bed somewhere surrounded by people wearing face masks and hospital gowns afraid to touch me. Every time I remembered hearing my sister talk about the disease, I immediately experienced a sense of loneliness. From that point on, I felt an immense sense of rejection and isolation from everyone around me, because my family wanted nothing to do with gay people, and I was sure I had this sickness called homosexuality. I remember a few years later we were all sitting at the dinner table and there had been a news story about gay men on television. My mom made it very clear that “I could handle it if one of you had a child out of wedlock but I don’t know what I would ever do if one of you told me you were gay” and shook her head in disgust. Even though I did not have a clear understanding of the complexities of being gay, I knew I was. If not, why did I want to kiss boys so badly and not girls? But I learned at a young age to quickly bury that feeling deep down inside. There was no way I was going to let anyone find out, and I would go to great lengths to hide it not only from others, but even to myself. It would be years before I would be able to finally admit to myself I was gay, and even more years before I would be comfortable with it. It was clear that I was not like other boys. For my whole childhood, people would question who I was and the activities I took part in. I was taunted and ridiculed daily by my classmates and often went home crying. As a young boy and a teenager growing up in a prairie town in Saskatchewan, I would be called names, people would jokingly ask if I was a girl, and I would be the butt of many jokes. I can remember on a daily basis someone would call me a faggot, a homo, sissy or a fairy. This created a lot of social anxiety in me and I would be petrified walking into an unknown situation such as a birthday party, a school or church event, or the beginning of a new school year. You’d think church would be a safe and loving place, but I remember attending church events and kids would laugh at me because I looked and acted effeminately and I was a lot more sensitive than most other boys. In the eighth grade my mother, PHOTO: ANTHONY MEADE
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ing to the Bible. Everything else was secondary. Your happiness was not an issue you focused a lot of attention on. I was taught by my family and church that even if you had to bear burdens, such as an addiction or sexual dysfunction (like they thought homosexuality was) here on earth, it would be okay as long as you suppressed the urges. The struggle and pain would all be worth it when you reached heaven. With this mindset, I grew up thinking being both gay and happy wasn’t an option. I would have to be holy and miserable to get into heaven and bear my cross of homosexuality. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? I grew up in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, and there was still very little gay culture. In my family, I don’t remember having a television during the first years of my life, and when we finally got one, it was black and white and only had three local television stations. We really had no clue about what was going on around us as far as pop culture, and I had no idea about the growing gay culture of the ‘80s and ‘90s. For my family there was church, school, and a lot of books for learning. The dinner table was where the majority of the conversations took place every night. When I was five or six years old my sister, in high school at the time, was reading about a new disease called HIV/AIDS and told us that most of
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MONEY’S ON THE DRESSER school councilor, and I decided enough was enough and I needed to change schools. The teasing, loneliness, depression, and tears had become too much, and it seemed like the only option. Within my first thirty minutes at my new school, a fellow classmate had walked over to me, asked me if I was a faggot, and before I could even answer, he grabbed me, put me in a head lock, and choked me, and I nearly passed out. I didn’t understand what was happening. It was almost as if I had the words GAY and PLEASE BEAT ME UP tattooed on my forehead. Nobody in the new school had even said two words to me, but I guess everyone could tell there was something off about the new kid and decided to make me their new punching bag. To this day, the anxiety created is something I struggle with. People have often told me that when they first met me they thought I was bitchy and standoffish; I wouldn’t describe myself that way, but the truth is I can be aloof and distant. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I think this all comes from the social anxiety I had when I was a kid. As I grew older, the crying from all the teasing stopped because shame set in about showing emotion. In my mind, crying was a sign of weakness. Weak men were effeminate, and effeminate men were gay. Any signs of weakness seemed to attract more negative attention from school bullies and neighborhood boys who would walk by and call me “faggot” on a daily basis. It was obvious to everyone I was effeminate, but I vehemently denied being gay and refused to accept the label. Trying desperately not to attract attention from peers my own age, I was also trying to avoid any odd looks or suspicion from people in the church and even my family. Nobody seemed to have any understanding of homosexuality. For them, it was simple: Gay men had sex with other men, and men who had sex with other men usually contracted AIDS, died, and went to hell. All of this negativity caused me to close off more and more, and my sadness as a young kid turned into a very dark, deep depression by the time I was a teenager. I started to become incredibly angry at the world, and there was a never-ending sense of sadness and gloom in my life that I could not resolve. I hated who I was, and I hated the same-sex feelings I wrestled with daily. Sometimes, when I reread my journals from my childhood, I see a hurt, sad, angry, wounded kid crying out from the pages. I was petrified of death because I wasn’t sure if I would get into heaven if I died because I constantly struggled with same-sex feelings. I knew I was gay, but I wished for death almost every single day to end these feelings of sadness. I would think about how amazing it would feel to be taken from this world in my sleep, and pray there was a way to die without feeling pain or having to do it myself. The depression I felt was all I knew then, and looking back, it is devastating to think that such a young kid constantly fantasized about a way out of this world. I had always loved to perform and take part in theater groups, but it wasn’t until the summer after I turned thirteen that things began to change. I went to a Shakespeare camp, where we studied and performed As You Like It. At camp I met great kids my age—some still friends—and we spent four weeks together memorizing the play, building sets for it, and costuming the show. It was here that I finally found out what gay sex was. I hadn’t realized being gay involved more than boy crushes, kissing, pressing your body up against another boy, or maybe even putting your dicks in each others’ mouths. To me, gay sex was all about kissing and holding each other and feeling emotionally connected to another guy.
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That was all I wanted, so I figured that was all there was. I guess I didn’t hear anyone mention anything about getting HIV/AIDS from having unprotected anal sex and cumming inside someone’s ass. That summer at the Shakespeare theater camp, my friend LeeAnder and I were in the wardrobe room designing costumes. We were all given the name of someone else in the play whose costume we had to design. Mine was for a girl named Rita, and we all spent every afternoon working on our partners’ costumes, and the construction of the sets. While working and designing our costumes, we were all talking about Tracey, the head of wardrobe, because he was clearly gay and we thought that was the weirdest and coolest thing ever. Making fun of him was my way of diverting any eyes from me and directing it toward the guy who was so clearly a raging
homosexual. Regardless of the fact that we were in a theater camp, we were eleven- to fourteen-year-old kids, and the whole concept of being gay made us all giggle. It made me squirm because I knew I was just as much a “queen” as Tracey. When talking with LeeAnder, I said, “I don’t even understand how they do it. Like, how do two guys even have sex?” I asked this jokingly, but I was actually serious. I really didn’t know what sex was, outside of kissing and a few other things. LeeAnder, who was straight, just looked at me in disbelief and said, “Are you serious?” I just stared blankly at him. I guess he thought of all people I should know what gay sex was, but I honestly had no clue. “Gay guys have sex by putting their dicks in each others’ assholes,” he said matter-of-factly. His news rocked my world, and gay sex finally made sense. After that discussion with LeeAnder, along with my teenage hormones, I became hornier and very curious about what gay guys were actually doing in bed. Like most twelve- to thirteen-year-old boys, I became obsessed with sex even if I wasn’t quite sure how it all worked. The summer theater program had been the best experience of my life so far, and I nearly had an emotional breakdown when it came to an end. I met so many won-
derful people and we became best friends over the four weeks we spent together. We were all theater kids, and to some extent, most of us were a little different than our school peers. I’m not sure if any of the other kids struggled with their sexuality quite like I did and, to be honest, I think I was the only one who was actually gay. We were just boys and girls from different backgrounds who loved theater and felt that special bond. For once, it was fun to fit in and to belong. A year after my summer doing As You Like It, I began ninth grade at a high school called Sheldon-Williams Collegiate. The majority of my high school years were spent hanging out with various groups of people who were all involved in theater, dance, and music in some way. I began to meet guys who identified themselves as gay, and a few girls who were open about having had sexual experiences with other girls. This was a select group of people who were incredibly open-minded and very honest about their sexuality. I continued to repress my gay feelings because I knew my family, church, and most schoolmates would not accept it. But I was unable to fully hold back my feelings. I think all my friends were tired of asking if I was gay because I would deny it or shy away from the answer, so instead they just left me alone to work it out on my own. I’m sure they figured it was just a matter of time until I came out. It wasn’t until my freshmen year in high school that I saw two men having sex, and this nearly made my head and my dick spontaneously combust from excitement. My friends at school were kind of like band or show choir geeks, but a lot cooler. They were so “above” everyone and confident in themselves. I wanted to be like them, and they definitely helped shape my teenage years. One night, I was at my friend Jennifer’s house with another girl named Jenna-Lynn. They both wanted to show me The Rocky Horror Picture Show. All my older friends were obsessed with the movie and knew all the lyrics and choreography to the musical numbers. When we watched the scene of Frank-N-Furter molesting Brad, I was blown away and nearly came in my pants. When the movie was done, I told my friends that it had been the first time I had seen two guys together. “Really?” asked Jennifer. “That’s nothing! Here, I’m going to show you gay porn. I stole a video from this weird couple who I babysit for.” Jennifer was a seemingly well-behaved girl, and everyone’s parents loved her, but she had a naughty streak. She would shoplift, buy me alcohol and cigarettes, and make out with girls when she got drunk at parties. She was incredibly open about her sexuality, and we spent hours talking about sex and all the things she had done with guys and girls. During my freshman year, she would take me driving in her 1986 Chevette, and we would skip school and chain-smoke menthol cigarettes while singing along to Donny Osmond in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. We were badass show-choir kids. She would steal porn from that one couple, as well as raid her brother’s porn stash. I always knew she had some porn in her bedroom, but I had no idea porn with two guys even existed. She brought out a VHS tape called Bi Bi American Style and fast-forwarded to the scene with two guys. The video was awful, the actors were from the early ‘80s and not very attractive, but I didn’t care. I was watching dicks go into asses and men kissing, sucking dicks, and eating cum. I literally thought I was going to have a heart attack from watching my first guy-on-guy sex scene. From that point on I finally knew what gay sex was all about. And I was hooked. Continue reading Chapter 2 at FrontiersLA.com, and for more info on Money’s on the Dresser, go to Christopher-Daniels.com.
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Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make Me A Match Text by Mike Ciriaco Photos by Bradford Rogne David Cruz is a yente for the 21st century gay man. For years he has provided insight and empathy to aid SoCal’s LGBT singles in finding romance. Now, the same-sex love guru will be sharing his expertise on the new season of Bravo's The Millionaire Matchmaker, a reality series where host Patti Stanger matches wealthy singles with compatible potential partners. As Stanger’s first-ever gay assistant, Cruz adds a unique perspective to the show. “The Millionaires Club has always had gay clients, but this is the first time you will see an openly gay man on the show assisting Patti and her clients find love,” says Cruz. “For me to be bringing my knowledge of the LGBTQ community to the matchmaking team is important and very exciting! I am also one of the only new assistants to be in a long-term relationship.” Cruz’s personal romantic success lends an air of credibility to the advice he dispenses, buttressed by his years of handson experience in relationship-aiding projects. “I am mostly known for my gay blog about dating called Finding Cupid. It’s an honest look at dating in Los Angeles and how it’s hard to find anyone that still believes in love. The blog eventually became a full-fledged website addressing all relationships—gay and straight—and then was developed into a weekly talk show, which is now in its fourth season on UBNRadio.com. My expertise comes from all the people I have interviewed about relationships on my show and all the different things I have been through and experienced along with my followers.” Of the many lessons Cruz has learned over the years, of paramount importance is finding personal fulfillment before adding a partner into the mix. “The first thing I try to educate people on is the importance of happiness in one’s life and career. If you are not happy with where you are in those departments, you will not be happy in love. I was like that for a while, and I couldn’t figure out what my challenge in dating was. Once I addressed that, I met my boyfriend of two years. It opened up my focus to relationships and not ‘what I still needed to work on’ in my life.”
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Of course, just because one has found a partner doesn’t mean the work is over. Maintaining a healthy relationship requires patience and communication, as well as the ability to give and take. “One piece of wisdom I use daily is compromise. I think my boyfriend and I have pretty strong points of view sometimes. When we want to do a group project, like painting a wall or buying furniture, I make sure to respect his opinion and hear him out.” Gay men who have yet to find Mr. Right often tend to act jaded and discouraged. Cruz has a few pearls of wisdom for these men as well. “My advice is to forget about everything you knew—throw it all away and start fresh. Don’t be jaded by the bad dates, bad people and lost time. Pick up the pieces and keep going. Love is still out there. I am living proof of someone who sees it happen everyday.“ Catch David Cruz on The Millionaire Matchmaker, airing Thursdays, 9 p.m. on Bravo.
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10 Tips for
KEEPING LOVE ALIVE in Modern Times 1. BE A WARRIOR OF CHIVALRY There is much to be said about being a gentleman. Not only should you marry one but you should also be one! Open doors and treat the love of your life like a king.
2. WRITE HANDWRITTEN LOVE NOTES Whether it’s a handwritten letter, card or even a Post-it, surprise the one you love with a short and sweet declaration of your love.
3. DO SOMETHING YOUR PARTNER ENJOYS It’s easy to get caught up with what you like in a relationship. Switch things up and make your partner feel special. Maybe tonight’s the night you watch a documentary instead of The Carrie Diaries!
4. CREATE TRADITIONS WITH GOOD FRIENDS Whether it’s planning a monthly dinner party or a karaoke night, fostering your relationships with friends creates a strong support system. Become the ambassador of good times while catching up with the people you care most about. Remember that friends need love, too, and traditions like these keep everyone feeling special.
5. MAKE A PHONE CALL When was the last time you actually talked to someone? Connect on a human level and call someone you care about. The general rule should be to replace one text a day with a phone call. Go ahead, I dare you—dial.
6. PLAN DATE NIGHTS Whether you’ve been together for a year or 10 years, remember to keep that flame burning bright. Plan nights out like you did when you first met, and make them fun and sexy.
7. EMBRACE “GUYS NIGHT OUT” Sometimes it’s good to let guys be guys. Spend time away from your relationship and let loose with the old gang. At the end of the night you will still get to cuddle with your little spoon!
8. UNPLUG FROM TECHNOLOGY It’s so important to take a day and simply unplug—no tablets, phones, laptops or Twitter, just human communication. Take this time to make dinner, go for a hike or go to the beach together. Disconnect to reconnect!
9. PLAY Life can be too serious sometimes. People often get so caught up in being grown ups that they forget what it’s like to just play. Take time in your day to read the comics, run in the sprinklers, wander the toy aisle, watch cartoons and just relax. This will help your relationship “breathe” and not be taken too seriously. A relationship can be a lot of things, but it should also be fun.
10. BE THOUGHTFUL Go the extra mile for the one you love. When your significant other is sick, make him soup and put together a special “get well” care kit. When you see his favorite candy, buy it for him. Do something without obligation and surprise him with it. Thoughtfulness is a one-way ticket to a long and happy relationship.
Wardrobe Stylist: Joey Thao, joeythao.com
Find David’s column, Finding Cupid, at FrontiersLA.com/Finding Cupid.
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RIVABELLA This former humble Hamburger Hamlet has been transformed into the crown jewel of IDG’s Sunset Strip restaurant empire. The cavernous space is now an intimate indoor urban garden complete with perfectly placed trees, a romantic brick fireplace with flickering flames and a glass roof that retracts so diners can enjoy a meal under the stars. Plus, it’s the perfect place to carbo-load on house specialties like braised oxtail agnolotti with sage butter before an evening of romance. 9201 Sunset Blvd., WeHo. (310) 278-2060, rivabellarestaurant.com
By Eric Rosen
Cupid’s making his way to L.A., which means it’s time to figure out your Valentine’s Day plans. Whether you want an over-the-top gourmet meal or a night of canoodling over cocktails, these 10 restaurants are some of the most romantic spots in the city.
ACABAR
HATFIELD’S
PAPILLES
Stepping into this Moorish-fabulous space on Sunset is like falling through a heart-of-Hollywood rabbit hole into a mid-century modern version of Arabian Nights, complete with gorgeous tiles, a tinkling fountain and a swinging bar scene that lasts well into the night with cocktails both contemporary and classic. The small dishes on chef Octavio Becerra’s Mediterranean-inspired menu are meant to share— the perfect accompaniment to an evening out with your sweetheart. 1510 N. Stanley Ave., Hlywd. (323) 876-1400, acabar-la.com
Maybe it’s the fact that the restaurant is run by a husband-wife team—he’s the chef behind the stoves while she oversees the desserts and day-to-day operations—but something about Hatfield’s just works. It’s the site of many a spontaneous proposal, each and every one carried off to perfection thanks to a Swiss-watch-precise waitstaff, decadent menu items and a dining room that’s equal parts understated elegance and restrained bustle. 6703 Melrose Ave., L.A. (323) 935-2977, hatfieldsrestaurant.com
There’s something so right about this cozy little Franklin Village bistro above the bustle and noise of Hollywood. The tiny space holds just about 30 diners at a time at tables so close you can’t help but bump elbows (and make friends) with your neighbor. The simple, affordable prix-fixe menu changes every week according to what’s at the local farmers markets, and there are often just two choices per course, which makes ordering one of everything and sharing practically de rigueur. 6221 Franklin Ave., Hlywd. (323) 871-2026, papillesla.com
THE LARCHMONT
THE PERCH
This Mid-City sanctum is a Craftsman home that used to house movie stars from the Paramount lot in the 1940s, so it’s got style, history and a touch of class that you’re hard-pressed to find elsewhere in L.A. It’s also got a breath of fresh life after a recent renovation and the revamping of its menu by wunderkind chef Cody Diegel, who’s planning a special Valentine’s Day carte that includes treats like Maine lobster ravioli with English peas and black truffle nage and a chocolate-champagne ganache with raspberry mousse, cocoa nib brittle and rosé sorbet. 5750 Melrose Ave., L.A. (323) 464-4277, thelarchmont.com
What is it about a meal with a view that just makes it that much more romantic? The Perch is your answer to finding a romantic resto in the heart of DTLA. Tables and cozy benches strew the tiled outdoor patio, which is punctuated by shrubs and perfectly manicured potted trees, making the space feel like your own private garden party in the heart of L.A. Stick with classic cocktails and the menu’s French specialties, and get here early since no one can resist the spell of sunset as golden light reflects off surrounding skyscrapers. 448 S. Hill St., DTLA. (213) 802-1770, perchla.com
CLIFF’S EDGE East Side Angelenos out for an assignation gravitate towards this Silver Lake staple thanks to an atmospheric outdoor patio (think cozy booths, candlelight and leafy tree branches creating a private wonderland) and a dimly lit dining room perfect for canoodling between courses. The menu is an eclectic mix of Californian and French specialties. 3626 Sunset Blvd., Silver Lake. (323) 666-6116, cliffsedgecafe.com
CULINA Chef Mette Williams is preparing a special fourcourse Valentine’s Day meal at Four Seasons Los Angeles at Beverly Hills’ signature Italian restaurant. It includes delicacies like stuffed quail with Venetian black rice as well as decadent gianduja chocolate cake with caramelized hazelnuts and blood orange gelato. But you don’t have to drop by on the big day itself to appreciate the romantic atmosphere on the firelit back patio, or to cozy up over some cocktails and crudo at the bar any day of the week. 300 S. Doheny Dr., Bev. Hills. (310) 860-4000, culinarestaurant.com
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PACE There’s just something about this hidden little Laurel Canyon canteen that feels so separate and secluded from the rest of Los Angeles, making it one of the most romantic rendezvous spots in the city. Pairs come for the homemade pasta dishes (you can have your very own Lady and the Tramp moment) and stay for a second round of red wine among Hollywood Hills dwellers. 2100 Laurel Canyon Blvd., Hlywd. Hills. (323) 6548583, peaceinthecanyon.com
WOLFGANG PUCK, HOTEL BEL-AIR Another urban respite in the hills of Bel Air that’s just blocks from the 405 (though you’d never know it), this high-end hotspot is usually the demesne of mature moguls. But there’s no denying the Old California charm of the place, nor the innovativeness of the eponymous chef’s menu—one which epitomizes the best and tastiest of California cuisine in a rarefied setting, formal enough to require white tablecloth service yet laidback enough to enjoy the outdoor booths and nearby fire elements. 701 Stone Canyon Rd., Bel Air. (310) 472-1211, wolfgangpuck.com
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By Stephan Horbelt
O T E M O C L E W
y with her opinBernhard isn’t sting ra nd Sa is, e sh at ist th love her. Vetculture anthropolog at’s exactly why we th d an , rld wo e th ed pernspiring in a—the quick-witt ions on what’s tra silver and plasm th bo — ow en re sc ge d her yearly sta sh eran of stage an at is at this point wh r fo ea ar e . th L.A th e th sat down wi former returns to d rock ‘n’ roll, we an y ed m co t, is igh ision, th r mix of political ins her return to telev u geared up for he ssed everything— cu dis d an ) to keep sojourn. To get yo es pt m Tim te New York desperate at bonfire” (thanks, n maven and her hio fas a as s “living, breathing tu ha ns, her sta Sandra Bern rd. ards prognosticatio didn’t know about Aw u y yo s em ad ing th Ac ’s 25 e ar ye vortices. Here ar East Coast’s polar warm amidst the
POP
1. She doesn’t think Angelenos can fathom the “polar vortex” up north. Today it was not warm enough. I’m glad today is winding down and I don’t have to go back out, because it’s really, really cold. [Angelenos] can’t comprehend this kind of cold, and whenever I’m in L.A.—which is at least once every four to six weeks—I can’t imagine being home myself. But yeah, it’s definitely cold.
2. She doesn’t have a new year’s resolution for 2014. I always tell people I don’t make new year’s resolutions, because they’re just made to be broken. I think, really, everyday it’s sort of a new set of resolutions—you’ve gotta get up, you’ve gotta hit the ground running and just adjust to whatever’s going on in your life. If you can do that, that’s the best way to approach it. 3. She was excited to return to television this year with her three-episode guest spot on ABC Family’s Switched at Birth, playing a local college art professor. I started filming all this stuff last year, and it’s airing this year, and it’s just good to have new, fresh tape on myself. Heading into pilot season, my managers are happy to have that. It’s nice when someone writes a fun, interesting role for you instead of just the cookie-cutter kind of thing that people usually throw me into. 4. And she’s looking for more TV work. I have been for a while, but I have a whole new team of people working for me this year who are in the trenches. I’ve already had a lot of auditions since they’ve been onboard, and they’re really into it, so I feel good about it. 5. Speaking of TV, she definitely has her favorites. There are a few things that we watch consistently. It’s the new season of Downton Abbey—I’d say that’s on top of my list. I’m a big tennis fanatic, so I’ve been
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watching the Australian Open, although I’m devastated that Serena got knocked out early on because I’m a huge Venus and Serena Williams fan. Those are two things we’re watching right now, along with some screeners of the upcoming Oscar-nominated films. 6. The name of her new show, Sandyland (at UCLA’s Royce Hall for one night), is a reference to the ‘kitchen sink’ format of her famous live performances. It’s just sort of a funny idea, but it’s my take on the world. Since it’s all weird and disparate and all over the place, I thought Sandyland sort of brings it all together through my filter. It’s the usual and the unusual through my eyes, from pop culture to political to personal, sort of my travelogue through the world of the crazy and mundane, all wrapped together with great music with my band, the Flawless Zircons, who will be in residence with me. People can expect new, fresh, over-thetop fun—all the stuff people have come to expect from me. 7. In the past she’s been notorious for not leaking which songs she’ll be performing. You’re definitely not gonna get that this time, either. [Laughs] 8. Her free time in L.A. will be spent laying low. I’m in L.A. quite a bit, so I’ll be catching up with friends, and I imagine I’ll be doing a lot of press leading up to the shows. I know there are some great new restaurants, though sometimes I just end up grabbing something at Real Food Daily when I’m on the run. That’s one place I really miss when I’m on the East Coast. I’m not vegetarian, but I tend
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to eat a lot of vegetarian/vegan food, and of course I try to eat everything that’s farm-to-table and sustainable and seasonal and definitely organic. I try to keep it healthy. I’ve been doing that for a long time, and it seems to be working. 9. Sometimes she says hello to celebs she passes on the street, and sometimes she doesn’t. It really depends on the circumstance. I pass people all the time and the people I’m with will recognize them and I’m just in my own world, so I don’t even know I’ve encountered somebody. But if it’s the right setting and you can say hello without disrupting someone’s lunch or meeting, you might say hello. But I don’t always say hello to people, because if someone’s alone and they’re reading a book or they’re eating, you need to let people have their space—I understand that. But if it’s the right setting, of course I want to say hello to certain people.
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13. Her fashion hasn’t really changed throughout her career, and that’s how she likes it. It really hasn’t! I mean, it’s kind of stayed the same since I was in high school. You know, when I’m just around New York, it’s a pair of cute, straightleg jeans, a groovy flannel shirt, a sweater and an Ugg boot, especially when it’s cold. I mean, I always try to keep it cute and sexy—I think that’s kinda my best day look anyway. It’s not by any stretch of the imagination a ‘dykey’ look, but I do my own twist on it. I think it’s sexy and fun, and it’s always worked for me. 14. She revels in the fact that fashion designers love her. Over the years, I’ve really gotten a lot of clothes from people—from Karl Lagerfeld to Azzedine Alaïa to .... you know, I’ve kinda lost track of all the great
but I think Lena has been an amazing representative for women’s body image and the change in the way women can look at themselves. I think she’s been amazing. I really applaud her for that. I watch Girls—there’s a lot of stuff I love about it, there are some things I think could be done better, but I think it’s an important, seminal game-changer in television in the way it reflects women. I think it could open up a little bit. I like the relationships between the girls. To me that’s the most interesting thing, and I don’t there’s enough focus on that. I’d like to see more of that. 18. She’s not, however, a fan of Looking. I watched a couple minutes and it did not appeal to me. It looked really flatline. All the energy and glamour and fun is out of a lot of television on cable. It kinda came on with a bang—shows
12. Her musical tastes these days are all thanks to Los Angeles and her daughter. I’ve been listening to that Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings—that new song, I really like. There’s a group called Tired Pony. I hear all these songs when I’m in L.A. I love the new station out of Northridge—the guy that used to be at KCRW, the Morning Becomes Eclectic guy, the British guy—that’s what I listen to when I’m in L.A., and it always catches me up on what’s new. Living in New York, you don’t really listen to the radio, so you miss out on newer music. My daughter keeps me in the loop, although she listens to everything on her headphones, so I don’t really know what she’s listening to most of the time. [Laughs]
21. She thinks the Duck Dynasty debacle was ‘business as usual.’ They’re a money-making proposition, all these shows. I guess if there’s a demand for it, they’re gonna continue to do it. I don’t think it’s really about politics or having any sort of real introspective take on anything. All bets are off. I mean, television has become a vast wasteland, and there are these little gems you can pick out. That’s what you have to do. I guess that’s just the way it is now. 22. She wasn’t as obsessed with American Horror Story as gay men were. It doesn’t appeal to me in the least. It seems cheap and just kinda like, whatever. It takes one from Column A, one from Column B, the things we’ve seen over the years in the horror genre and just throws it out there. I don’t think it really has an impact or a point of view.
10. She gets recognized more often in New York than in L.A. It kinda happens when you least expect it—I mean, definitely in New York because you’re on the street and you pass people. People are a little more relaxed about it [in New York] and they’ll say hello. Yesterday this really groovy brother stopped me on the street and called me “Boo Boo,” and I thought that was just the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done. You know what I mean? It just depends on where you’re at and how fast you’re moving. 11. She has her own cadre of people she looks to for intelligent takes on current events. For years, the generation that preceded me had Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Gloria Steinem. Now it’s Sandra Fluke— who I think is brilliant—and Rachel Maddow, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. All the guys and gals who are social commentators, who are really well-read and who know what’s going on and have an interesting take on what’s happening. Those are some of the people I look to.
I don’t think any of these young girls, with the excpetion of a couple of them who have surprised us, are supremely talented. There’s a lot of production values in a lot of this stuff that kinda masks whether someone has talent or not. But I don’t sit in judgment of them.
23. But she did watch an episode for Stevie Nicks. I saw her sing at the very end, and it’s a song that I love [“Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You?”]. It’s always good to see Stevie singing that song. I let Stevie off the hook, no matter what she does.
clothes I’ve had. Thom Browne has given me stuff recently, Rag & Bone. In the day I wore a lot of Isaac Mizrahi when he first started designing—I was kinda his signature person. Pam and Gela, who started Juicy Couture, have always given me great clothes over the years. I mean, it’s been very eclectic, and I guess people like to dress me because I’m tall and thin and I guess a good representation for a variety of designers. 15. She won’t be watching the Sochi Olympics. I just don’t like the Winter Olympics. They don’t interest me [Laughs], which dovetails beautifully with the fact that it’s a boycott for obvious reasons. It’s an easy one for me. 16. She hasn’t been to Russia and has no plans to visit. My family left there at the turn of the last century. They fled—as quickly as possible—and we haven’t been back since. 17. While she didn’t follow Lena Dunham’s Vogue cover controversy, she’s definitely a fan. I kinda caught up with it past-tense,
like The Sopranos and shows that, to me, were dynamic and sexy. We’re missing that, and I’d like to see a little more of that back on cable, because that’s what it’s there for. 19. Her opinion of Miley Cyrus may surprise you. She really doesn’t bother me. I find her strangely compelling. I feel like there’s this strange subtext going on, whether it’s conscious or unconscious. I don’t know, I find her oddly intriguing, and oddly sweet in a certain way. She has saved a bunch of abandoned dogs—that happened before this quote-unquote implosion—and that was sort of touching. I always see her at my favorite Japanese restaurant in The Valley, Kiwami, and I don’t know, she seems like a nice kid. She seized the moment. She seized an opportunity. She did something that was shocking, and it sold her album. I personally don’t find her offensive, and I don’t feel the need to, like, take her to task for it. I think she’ll find her way. I mean, she’s doing it on her own terms. I guess you’ve got to applaud her for that. 20. She doesn’t think there’s a lot of talent in popular music these days.
24. She’ll watch the Oscars but doesn’t have a film pegged to win. I think the thing that’s difficult about it is that they’ve expanded the [Best Picture category] to nine or 10 selections, and I think it really had more impact when there were five films. Narrow it down and say, Hey, yeah, that film had some aspects that were interesting, but is it award-worthy? I think a lot of the films aren’t. I’m not like, wah, getting all excited about the Oscars. We just watch it ‘cause it’s something to comment on. 25. Unfortunately she doesn’t have any big plans for next year’s 25th anniversary of Without You I’m Nothing. Well, I already did something at 20 years, so probably not, you know? I’m just planning on forging ahead. I think that’s a seminal piece of work, and people always talk about it. It’s the kind of stuff that’s always gonna have its own life. It’s hard to go back and do old material. I like to move forward. Sandra Bernhard brings Sandyland to the Lancaster Performing Arts Center on Feb. 14 and Royce Hall on Feb. 15. Follow her on Twitter @SandraBernhard. sandrabernhard.com
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EVENTS
NIGHTLIFE
THEATER
EXHIBITS
go to FrontiersLA.com/Entertainment for more listings
Through March 1
HARD: POLITICS, RELIGION AND PERSONAL PREFERENCE
BY MICHELLE M CCARTHY
The Village at Ed Gould Plaza The Center’s Advocate & Gochis Galleries proudly present the second exhibit featuring original art from the collection of acclaimed acctress CCH Pounder. Hard focuses on works from Africa and the African diaspora, from portrait and figure works to the abstract and surreal. Through March 1. lagaycenter.org Wed. | Feb. 5
STRIPPER CIRCUS Here Lounge You’ve never been to a party quite like this, with carnival games, WeHo’s cutest boys (and go-go dancers) and chances to strike it rich with cash and prizes all night long. Hump day has never been so fun. $5. herelounge.com Wed. | Feb. 5
MACALLAN SCOTCH TASTING The Bazaar Scotch fans are invited to attend a tasting of Macallan with brand ambassador Kieron Elliott, who will serve five Macallan family liquors. The event will be hosted on the Bar Centro Terrace, where patrons will have access to the restaurant’s cigar menu and a selection of tapas. bazaarla. eventbrite.com
Thu. | Feb. 6
SUCH One-Eyed Gypsy Dubbed “a night of pleasantries,” Such is a night of dancing, drinking, twirling and magic, brought to you by Jeremy Lucido, Ambrosia Salad and Tommy Tuff. Nowhere else can you dance among your gay brethren, witness a belly dancing routine and get a tarot reading. No cover. one-eyedgypsy.com Thu. | Feb. 6
ANYTHING GOES Hamilton High School Anything Goes is the classic musical comedy filled with wellloved songs by Cole Porter, featuring blazing tap dance numbers and madcap antics aboard an ocean liner traveling from New York to London. The musical features such songs as “Anything Goes,” “You’re the Top” and “I Get a Kick Out of You.” Through Feb. 22. hamiltonmusic.org Thu. | Feb. 6
DRAG RACE: BATTLE OF THE SEASONS Club Nokia Once again hosted by Michelle Visage, superstars and contestants from five years of the hit show RuPaul’s Drag Race will meet for more unforgettable mischief and mayhem. See overthe-top drag performances, special effects and collaborations, including live singing and the ultimate ‘lip syncing for your life.’ tinyurl.com/rpdrbots
Good-Time Fun with Charles Phoenix Pop culture humorist Charles Phoenix says he was born with an interest in Americana. He started thrift shopping at the age of 14 and realized there were many great things to be discovered from the past. With an interest in anything classic and kitschy, Phoenix has since made a career of sharing his love of all things vintage as a performer, humorist, chef and author. We spoke to him about three upcoming events he is hosting in February—famed puppeteer Bob Baker’s 90th birthday party, an Architecture in L.A. discussion and his Dapper Day Retro Disneyland Slide Show. Tell us about Bob Baker’s 90th birthday event. The Bob Baker Marionette Theater has been in Downtown Los Angeles since 1959. Basically, it’s going to be a traditional puppet show performance, and then we’re going to have Bob out. We’re going to roll out a giant cake with 90 candles on it. I’m going to have everyone come around and we’re going to sing “Happy Birthday” and blow out the candles together. After the puppet show, we’re going to have an aftershow where everyone can mix and mingle and have cake. It’s going to be cheesy good-time fun. What is the future of the show? The building has been sold, so the Bob Baker experience is questionable as to how much longer it will go on. This is a Los Angeles
institution, but just like everything we know, nothing lasts forever. The opportunity to experience this may not be available too much longer. Describe your Architecture in L.A. event. In association with Palm Springs Modernism, I’m going to be doing my Architecture of Los Angeles retro slideshow. This is a combination of images I have captured myself and vintage Kodachrome images, [focusing] on people’s architecture—strip malls, shopping centers, fast food stands, dingbat apartments, themed restaurants and things like that. And what about your Retro Disney Slide Show? That show I’m doing at the Disneyland resort. It’s all vintage Kodachrome images of Disneyland. It’s a loving tribute to the Magic Kingdom when it was new. I’ve been collecting other people’s old Kodachrome slides for more than 20 years. I give some of the backstories and glories of the long-gone attractions and classic attractions. We also look at what people wore. I tell you all about the history of Disneyland. That’s in association with Dapper Day. It’s history mixed with comedy and comedy mixed with history. It’s entertainment. For details on the events, go toCharlesPhoenix.com. See the entire interview at FrontiersLA.com.
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Thu. | Feb. 6
THE TRIUMPH OF PHILIPPINE ART USC Fisher Museum of Art This exhibit uses artwork to tell the nation’s unique political story from the advent of dictatorship to present times, inspired by the archipelago’s modern history of socioeconomic and political struggles. The exhibition also explores the search for a unique national identity in a country colonized by both Spain and the U.S. Through April 13. fisher.usc.edu Fri. | Feb. 7
10-MINUTE PLAY FESTIVAL Towne Street Theatre The seventh annual 10-Minute Play Festival, in honor of Black History Month, offers 10 unique and exciting plays highlighting the theme of “Life Is....” The festival features an ensemble of 30 actors in both comedies and dramas that explore race, relationships, family, friendships, love and loss. Through Feb. 23. 10minplayfest.eventbrite.com Fri. | Feb. 7
CUB SCOUT Eagle L.A. It’s hard to believe it’s been four years since Cub Scout began to transform one of L.A.’s most notorious leather bars into an enchanted forest one night each month. To celebrate the occasion, the party opens its doors to SONNS, founder of the globally hyped party Making Shapes. As always, $2 draft beer all night, $5 cover. eaglela.com
PARTY LIKE IT’S 1929 “I like big parties. They’re so intimate,” Jordan Baker emphatically declares in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby. This month, find yourself immersed in one of those big parties at the Hard Rock Hotel Palm Springs. Troupe Productions has decided to encore the musical extravaganza Rockin’ the Gatsby after a soldout New Year’s Eve performance. This time catch one of six performances over three weekends. Celebrate the Roaring ‘20s in a 21st century mindset as the soundtrack to Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby is brought to life. Audiences will play voyeur to the film’s hits, including Lana Del Rey’s “Young and Beautiful,” Jay-Z & Kanye West’s “No Church in the Wild” and Fergie’s “A Little Party Never Killed Nobody,” as well as hits from the Broadway production The Wild Party. Rockin’ the Gatsby “Rockin’ the Gatsby is a night of sensory excess with seducHard Rock Hotel Palm Springs tive costumes and booming confetti cannons,” says show proFeb. 14, 15, 21, 22, 28, March 1 ducer Trini Garza. “It’s our best and wildest production to date. TheEdgePalmSprings.com The response on New Year’s Eve was so incredible that we just had to bring the show back.”
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Through Feb. 7
Sun. | Feb. 9
BRIGHT COLORS AND BOLD PATTERNS
VANYA AND SONIA AND MASHA AND SPIKE
VS. Theatre
PHOTOS: RYAN TANAKA
In this one-man show, written and performed by Drew Droege, Gerry is a charming, over-opinionated, mildly overbearing character trying to make sense of gay marriage. It’s hilarious, heartbreaking and has some really important and surprising things to say about samesex nuptials. brightcolors.brownpaper tickets.com Sat. | Feb. 8
SEX AND THE CITY ZOO
Mark Taper Forum Set in 21st century Bucks County, Penn., with hints of 19th century Russia, Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike is a riotous comedy with the Chekhovian setup of a middle-aged Vanya and his stepsister, Sonia, who live together in their ancestral farmhouse. The normalcy of their everyday life is thrown into chaos when their movie-star sister Masha and her 20-something boyfriend Spike show up for a visit. Through March 9. centertheatregroup.org
Los Angeles Zoo
VIVE LA FRANCE BY ERIC ROSEN
A landmark building, big-name chef, reservations harder to get than a ticket to the Oscars—République has all the makings of a Hollywood success story. That’s because it marks the triumphant return of chef Walter Manzke, the man who once helmed the kitchens at Bastide and DTLA’s funkier favorite Church & State before warming up his oven mitts at Petty Cash Taqueria in anticipation of opening this new ode to French cuisine— with a seasonal California accent, of course. You may recognize the space as the former home of Campanile, a historic building on La Brea originally constructed in 1929 to house Charlie Chaplin’s offices, though the structure has gotten a contemporary refresh with features like romantically lit exposed hanging glass bulbs, an enormous communal table, a bustling open kitchen and a glassedin wine cellar overseen by Taylor Parsons that will get Francophile oenophiles salivating. The cocktail list, too, is a mouthwatering read, with both classic libations and farmers marketinspired potables like a cocktail with Cara Cara orange, rum, scotch and whiskey bitters that packs a citrus-infused punch. The first thing to greet guests is a beautiful display counter that during the day offers piping-hot pâtisserie specialties and at night proffers a gorgeous array of oysters and other seafood. Be sure to try the delicate Kumamotos from Washington state (the oysters will vary based on the day). For starters, the escargots en croute are a house specialty, and each snail comes cooked to perfection in its own individual dish with a buttery puff pastry cap. The grass-fed beef tartare is at once meaty yet delicate, held together with an herbaceous tarragon aioli and given a hint of acidity for lightness with pickled red onion and a whimsical touch of homemade potato chips on top. Salads, like much else on the menu, change as frequently as the wares at area farmers markets (Manzke roams far and wide about town each week, visiting several), but you might find a fresh-tasting “white salad” with endive, cauliflower, fennel, parmesan, Meyer lemon and hazelnut oil to whet your appetite. Order a pasta or risotto dish to share—the butternut squash agnolotti with black trumpet mushrooms and Parmigiano Reggiano is a decadent treat. Among the mains are classics like bouillabaisse and steak frites, but more adventurous eaters should branch out and try specialties like the succulent Berkshire pig’s head. (The meat is compressed into what is almost a juicy but crispy patty served with a fried egg on top, all over a bed of hearty lentils and smoky bacon.) The small but distinguished cheese list is a who’s who of French and Swiss (and, OK, one California) dairy delectables, but consider skipping them in favor of a dessert dished up by Manzke’s wife (and pastry chef), Margarita, such as the fluffy bomboloni smothered in République rich chocolate sauce and served with 624 S. La Brea Ave., L.A. coffee ice cream. (310) 362-6115 Merci à la cuisine! republiquela.com
This strictly-foradults event is an extraordinary Valentine’s Day celebration of romance in the animal kingdom. The evening begins with refreshments and “animal walkabouts,” followed by a performance by recording artist Whitney Hall and finally capped off with dinner and a little talk about animal S-E-X. lazoo.org/valentinesday
Tue. | Feb. 11
EVITA DBA The latest party from the brains of prodigal nightlife team Luke Nero and Andres Rigal has moved to a new WeHo location (new hotspot DBA) but continues to bring the same kind of glamour and hedonism you’ve come to expect. This party is people-watching at its finest, but you’ll be too busy on the dance floor. facebook.com/evitalosangeles
Saturday, Feb. 8
INHERIT THE WIND Grove Theatre Center Written by Jerome Lawernce and Robert E. Lee, Inherit the Wind is the story of two legal giants facing off in a smalltown courtroom when a high school teacher goes to trial for teaching evolution in a science class. The riveting conflict between science and faith are just as gripping today as it was in 1955 when the play debuted. Through March 16. plays411.net
Thu. | Feb. 13
JEREMY SPENCER & BAND Largo On the heels of a new record release, the original Fleetwood Mac guitarist and legend Jeremy Spencer (and his band) performs, with an appearance by Evie Sands and others. Spencer’s last U.S. tour was 43 years ago, with Fleetwood Mac, in 1971. largo-la.com Thu. | Feb. 13
Sat. | Feb. 8
MARY CHAPIN CARPENTER Walt Disney Concert Hall With 12 albums and 13 million records sold, Carpenter has won five Grammys, two CMA Awards and was inducted into the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame. She performs alongside the L.A. Phil with original arrangements by six-time Grammy winner Vince Mendoza. laphil.com
‘RECIPES ON THE ROAD’ LECTURE Natural History Museum President and co-founder of the Culinary Historians of Southern California Charles Perry takes his audience on a journey of recipes shared along the world’s cultural superhighway. “Recipes on the Road: Food Ideas Traveled Too” is part of the Traveling the Silk Road Lecture Series, which discusses fostering the trading of goods on a global scale. tickets.nhm.org
Sat. | Feb. 8
THE WRONG MAN The Skylight Theatre This world premiere of The Wrong Man is a powerful tale of what happens when the wrong man meets the wrong girl in the wrong place at the wrong time. Framed for murder, his ill-fated circumstances sprial out of control, leaving him innocent and alone awaiting execution. Through March 2. skylighttix.com
Thu. | Feb. 13
MODERNISM WEEK Palm Springs Modernism Week’s signature February event is an annual celebration of mid-century modern design, architecture, art, fashion and culture. This excititng 11day festival features more than 100 events including signature home tours, films, lectures, doubledecker architectural bus tours, nightly parties, live music and more! Through Feb. 23. modernismweek.com
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Photos by Matthew BPM
THAT’S AMORE! BY BRIAN PADGETT
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Few dishes maintain such staunch levels of approachability and familiarity as the pizza. Whether served hot from a rustic wood oven or delivered to your door in 30 minutes or less, it’s safe to say that in order to get the attention of exacting epicureans, magnifico culinary innovation is expected. Enter Chef Jeff Mahin, the 30-year-old wunderkind firing such innovation into the pies at Sunset Boulevard’s popular Stella Barra Pizzeria. Named one of Restaurant Hospitality’s “13 to Watch in 2013” and a veteran of the three-star Michelin-rated Berkshire restaurant The Fat Duck, Mahin brings to this Arclight-adjacent hotspot an arsenal of gastronomic techniques. The pizza menu is bifurcated into “red” and “white” selections, a division that deceptively connotes simplicity, for the offerings are anything but. All dough is handcrafted (containing locally milled flour, sea salt and fresh yeast) to consistently yield perfectly crisped crust exteriors enveloping delightful, chewy interiors bursting with artisanal flavor. Traditionalists will not be disappointed by the margherita, delicately dressed with wilted basil and fresh mozzarella atop the house-made tomato sauce, but Mahin’s talents are best experienced in his specialty pizzas. In the applewood smoked bacon and goat cheese pizza, Mahin pairs the smoky sweetness of the meat with charred tomato oil while layering the flavors with locally sourced goat and gruyère cheeses. When accented with fresh parsley and diced scallions, the final result is delectably unexpected. The shaved mushroom pizza is undoubtedly the star of the “white” menu. Taking advantage of truffle season, Mahin seamlessly balances the opulent earthiness of black truffle with the creamy richness of the sauce, itself intensified by melted onions and gruyère cheese. Another “white” offering, the Bloomsdale spinach pie is spiced with black peppercorn and young pecorino and topped with crispy purple kale—it’s both unanticipated and exquisite. Although the pizzas take top billing at Stella Barra, to neglect the appetizer and cocktail menu would be akin to blasphemy. The fresh local burrata plate is served with a powerfully flavorful roasted tomato jam that perfectly contrasts the cheese’s velvety richness. The cocktail menu evinces the simultaneously playful and complex culinary direction of the restaurant. The S.O.B. Cowboy—an enjoyably potent concoction of bourbon, cacao and mole bitters—will have city slickers twostepping in no time. The next time you feel famished in Hollywood, just channel Stella Barra your inner Stanley Kowalski and 6372 W. Sunset Blvd., Hlywd. shout, “Stella!” You won’t be disap(323) 301-4001 pointed. stellabarra.com
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LADY AND THE TRAMP El Capitan Theatre
» GINGER | EAGLE L.A. |
Photos by Rolling-Blackouts
Disney’s animated classic Lady and the Tramp, along with Disney’s all-new stopmotion animated short film Blank: A Vinylmation Love Story, is presented in honor of Valentine’s Day. Guests can celebrate the day with a candlelit dinner before the movie catered by Miceli’s (reservations required). Through Feb. 20. elcapitan tickets.com Fri. | Feb. 14
HAROLD AND MAUDE Landmark’s Nuart Theatre The classic cult comedy from director Hal Ashby stars Ruth Gordon as Maude, the irrepressible, anything-for-athrill septuagenarian whose spirit rekindles Bud Cort, a morose young man who loves to fashion fake suicides to get attention. Park of the Nuart’s midnight movie series. landmarktheatres.com Fri. | Feb. 14
FRESH CLASSIC FRIDAYS Eleven Nightclub It’s one of the most popular nights in West Hollwood, with some of the city’s hottest man candy as well. The party features world-class DJs, dancers and pop artist performers, which makes for one hell of an entertaining night. eleven.la Fri. | Feb. 14
VALENTINE’S DAY LATE NIGHT AND DINNER Aquarium of the Pacific The aquarium will be open until 9 p.m. for Valentine’s Day, with admission set at $14.95 after 6 p.m. Explore the aquarium at night and observe the animals’ nighttime activities. For an additional charge, enjoy a multi-course, gourmet dinner. Reservations recommended. aquariumofpacific.org Sat. | Feb. 15
CASABLANCA Electric Dusk Drive-In Few films have the acclaim and notoriety of Casablanca, the DTLA drive-in’s choice for a V-Day Weekend screening. Electric Dusk Drive-In tried to acquire the rights to this film three times previously and is thrilled to be able to present it now. Gates open at 5:30 p.m., screening starts at 7. electricduskdrivein.com Sun. | Feb. 16
DECADE Micky’s
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End your weekend by dancing up a storm at thisWeHo party, where you’re sure to hear nothing but the classics. Indulge in
disco-dancing go-go boys and live drag performances before you head back to work on Monday. mickys.com Sun. | Feb. 16
ENGELBERT HUMPERDINK The Saban Theatre Humperdink finished recording his first duets album, Engelbert Calling, featuring tracks with a who’s who of the music world (Sir Elton John, Willie Nelson, Smokey Robinson, Dionne Warwick, Lulu, Beverly Knight and Gene Simmons, to name a few). A legend in the music industry for the last 40-plus years, his remarkable voice and extraordinary talent has endeared him to millions of fans around the globe. ticketmaster.com Through Feb. 16
BARE: A POP OPERA Simi Valley Cultural Arts Center This contemporary rock musical by Damon Intrabartolo and Jon Harmere Jr. features a pulsating rock score. It tells the story of Catholic boarding school students stuggling to discover who they are—with moments of love, friendship, secrets and self-acceptance—as they walk the tightrope between adolescence and adulthood. simi-arts.org Sun. | Feb. 16
DIAL S FOR SUNDAY The Groundlings Theatre Top-level performers of The Groundlings School will strut their stuff in this all-new sketch comedy show. It’s sure to be a thrilling experience, not for the faint of heart. You can DVR your other shows, so there’s no reason to miss this live experience. Every Sunday at 7:30 p.m. groundlings.com Mon. | Feb. 17
TIG HAS FRIENDS Largo Tig Notaro was Grammynominated for her sophomore comedy album, Live. The album sold over 100,000 units in six weeks, a number unheard of for comedic albums. Notaro currently works on a project for Showtime, Knock Knock, It’s Tig Notaro, performing in the actual homes, barns and cul-de-sacs of selected fans. largo-la.com Mon. | Feb. 17
PLANET QUEER: LOVE ROCKET Akbar Ian MacKinnon and Travis Wood present Planet Queer: Love Rocket, an evening of experimental LGBT performance art. Presenting its first show of 2014, Planet Queer has been an underground hub for contemporary queer art for more than a year and a half. akbarsilverlake.com
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BY STEPHAN HORBELT
BUSINESS AS (UN)USUAL After-dark old-timers still refer to the 7969 Santa Monica Boulevard space as Peanuts (its original name, dating back to the ‘70s), while some of L.A.’s younger set will remember the short-lived Voyeur (its most previous incarnation), but the venue’s current nom de guerre is DBA, short for “Doing Business As.” It’s a site that has long seen parties come and go, and, oh, the stories these walls could divulge. Determined to pen a new anthology of debaucherous stories within these walls, L.A. native Matt Winter (DBA’s art director) has crafted a “blank canvas” concept in which he bestows full control on ‘curators’ who will take over the space for seasonal ‘exhibitions’— everything from the party’s name, theme and décor to fixtures, staging and design of the venue’s store-
front window—which makes perfect sense in a space that lends itself to countless configurations. It’s a novel approach that treats L.A.’s party scene as the artform it so often is. The first in DBA’s line of guest curators is Simon Hammerstein (NYC’s The Box), who since November 2013 has attracted art enthusiasts and partygoing hedonists alike to the Santa Monica strip with Esque. While most patrons of Hammerstein’s nocturnal creation have been of the hetero variety thus far, the nightclub is looking to change that. Indeed, the ingenuity behind Esque—a libidinous, orgiastic night out if ever there was one—shouldn’t be wasted on L.A.’s straight population alone. Great music blasting forth for dance floor ath-
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letes isn’t the sole priority at Esque, which is more than a dance party. Hammerstein makes full use of DBA’s adult cabaret license with spontaneous, sexy pieces of performance art—think wild, nonsensical routines in the vein of Leigh Bowery—presented by a talented troupe of beautiful people. As with anything, the novelty of such a program may wane for the erudite gay Angeleno who has ‘seen the sights,’ but for the majority of L.A.’s after-dark revelers—gay, straight and everywhere in between—Esque is a brilliant night out on the town and shouldn’t be missed. Esque currently takes place every Thursday and Friday night at DBA, 7969 Santa Monica Blvd., WeHo. dbahollywood.com
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ENTERTAINMENT
THE OSCAR-NOMINATED SHORT FILMS OF 2014 If, like me, you complain about the length of modern films (come on, Wolf of Wall Street, you’d be twice as intense at half the length), the Oscar-nominated Film Shorts 2014, in select theatres now, is a boon of artistry, diversity and—let’s hear it!—brevity. This year’s selection of Animated Shorts and Live Action Shorts (the Documentary Shorts are to be released on Feb. 14) come from Japan, Finland, Yemen and more, including the United States. Below is a sample of the programs, in alphabetical order, and, for those who tend to look at their watches, the full running time for each program. (The programs will be in Los Angeles at The Nuart in West L.A. and in Orange County at the Regency South Coast Village 3.)
FILM
REVIEWS BY DAN LOUGHRY
ANIMATED SHORT FILM NOMINEES (Estimated Running Time 108:00)
FERAL
GET A HORSE!
This U.S. selection is the most consciously artsy of the five nominees. Directed by Daniel Sousa and Dan Golden, it’s a monochromatic story (with washes of color) about a wild child found in the woods and returned to civilization by a benevolent hunter. It’s a wordless vision, hyperconscious of the use of white space and contrast, and may appeal to the more experimental branch of the voting Academy. It reads like a short version of Francois Truffaut’s The Wild Child, and if you know the reference, this might just be your favorite.
Disney’s annual nominee, directed by Lauren MacMullan and Dorothy McKim, is the most enjoyable of the bunch. An oldfashioned black and white Disney short plays on a theatre screen, complete with an enclosing wash of red movie palace curtains, while computer animated Disney characters watch and engage from the proscenium. It’s super short, tons of fun, and—considering my distaste of the brand—my favorite here. Disney rarely loses this category. You may have already seen this film playing in many theatres before Frozen.
MR. HUBLOT If you guessed this one was from France, you’d get points. Set in a dystopian future of vaguely mechanical people, an anal-retentive shut-in rescues a mechanical stray that grows from a cute robotic puppy into an enormous yet still lovable behemoth. It shares the same surreal vibe with Terry Gilliam’s Brazil, but is ultimately sweet as punch.
POSSESSIONS The Japanese entry is by turns frightening and delicate. It looks beautiful (as do all the nominees, most of which are computer generated with very little hand animation), but is also metaphorically impenetrable. A man seeking shelter from a storm in the woods stumbles upon a temple that’s haunted by the spirits of discarded objects—possessions, get it?
ROOM ON THE BROOM A sweet-natured witch and her aloof cat (is there another kind?) lose various items in their possession and meet a motley cast of animal characters in this charming (though overlong) fable of diversity. If the Academy is feeling particularly liberal this year, bet on this one to win, ably directed by Max Lang and Jan Lachauer.
LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM NOMINEES (Estimated Running Time 110:00)
THE VOORMAN PROBLEM
HELIUM
AQUEL NO ERA YO (That Wasn’t Me) If you’re looking for laughs, you won’t find too many in this program. But densely plotted and coherent drama is on display abundantly. In this one a Spanish aid worker is held hostage by a child soldier in Africa. It’s reportorial filmmaking at its finest, with vibrant colors and sharp emotions instead of the usual washed-out palette applied to the local scenery.
AVANT QUE DE TOUT PERDRE (Just Before Losing Everything) A mother seeks asylum for her family from an abusive husband in the local supermarket in this slice of social realism from France. It’s a small, perfectly modulated drama that builds a great deal of tension over it’s half-hour, and puts a too-often-unseen face on domestic terror.
The Live Action Shorts tend to be quite depressing, or, at the very least, tackle dark subject matter in compact scenarios. This Danish film, directed by Anders Walter and Kim Magnusson, is a partial exception. A dying boy—that’s not the exception—is befriended by the new hospital orderly who regales the child with tales of the land of Helium. That’s a heavy-handed conceit for Heaven, and the orderly quickly realizes he’s helping the child let go to die. Yet the visual palette of the fantasy land of Helium is charming, and the film is quietly effective.
PITÄÄKÖ MUN KAIKKI HOITAA? (Do I Have to Take Care of Everything?) A befuddled family rushes to get to a wedding in this sixminute short from Finland. Everything that can go wrong does. It’s a simple set-up, unburdened by importance, and it’s a breezy romp. There’s no way it will win the Academy Award, but it features a few very funny sequences as we watch this poor family on their headlong tumble into disaster.
Hobbit and Sherlock confidante Martin Freeman, as a prison psychologist, faces off against Tom Hollander, as a deluded prisoner, in Mark Gill and Baldwin Li’s metaphysical pocketsized thriller. The conceit at the center of this piece could be turned into a fantastic featurelength film: the inmate has convinced all the other prisoners that he is a god (if not, in fact, God). The psychologist, seeking reason, is thwarted at every turn, with a sweet surprise at the end. Here is one film I do, in fact, wish were much longer. FEBRUARY 18, 2014
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MUSIC
Ramesh Srivastava The King (Self-Released)
REVIEWS
*****
In 2005, Voxtrot burst onto the indie music scene with a string of literate, insanely catchy and unique EPs, followed up with an eponymous full length that was on every hipster’s stereo in 2007. Then … nothing. Barring the stray single, the band disappeared without a trace. After seven years of radio silence, lead vocalist Ramesh Srivastava returns with something that sounds like it could’ve been the lost sophomore Voxtrot album. It was always clear that Srivastava was the driving voice behind Voxtrot, but if anyone had any doubts, he need only listen to a few seconds of The King. Nothing sounds like a Srivastava composition. His conversational ramblings set up camp wherever they like and form mini choruses throughout the album. It’s really an ingenious trick, and one that Ramesh Srivastava seems to be able to pull off endlessly. Album highlights include the moody “Paradise,” the stunning “1111” and the ‘80s-inspired “Romeo (Void)” There are no bad songs on this 10-track album. Ramesh Srivastava’s songwriting abilities are so special and unique, it’s a travesty this guy spent the last seven years not releasing music. Don’t let that happen again. Listen to this spectacular record. —Dominik Rothbard
Gramatik
Kurtis Simmons
The New Royales
Sarah Dooley
Xiu Xiu
The Age of Reason (Lowtemp)
Fraction of a Thread (Self Released)
Freedom’s for the Brave: The Mixtape (Bandcamp)
Stupid Things (Sarah Dooley)
Angel Guts: Red Classroom (Polyvinyl Records)
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Electronic producers these days are taking new inspiration for their work, but the sounds inhabiting their studios are actually old— they come from the world of blues and classic rock. Moby’s excellent Play might come to mind as a touchstone, and such is the case with Gramatik’s seventh studio release. Featuring 15 tracks full of futuristic beats backed by live guitar, bass, piano, organs and soul-bending original vocals, the album is packed with elements of rock, hip-hop, soul, swing and everything in between. Standouts include “Torture” featuring Erik Krasno, which is what Jimi Hendrix might sound like if he’d survived long enough to wow the post-millennium dancefloors, while “Far Away” and “Get a Grip” featuring Gibbz offers phat funk worthy of Outkast. “Brave Men” (featuring Eskobars) at first hums with a swampy mojo reminiscent of early Pink Floyd with Eric Clapton-inspired fret work, then morphs into a space age thrust of wobble beats. If you can imagine Cab Calloway bopping to dubstep, check out “Expect Us.” But not all here is past-leaning, as “Pardon My French” takes its beatified, neon-disco cues from Daft Punk or Stardust. These grooves are deep, but what keeps your attention is the organic live instrumentation taking center stage.
Kurtis Simmons writes the kind of radio-friendly pop that straddles the line between Mika and Duncan Sheik. Simmons’ fulllength debut, Fraction of a Thread, is chock-full of pristine production and flawless performances. Songs like “Collecting Corks” and “Did You Know” are instantly memorably, supplementing Simmons’ gentle AOR melodies with catchy, dancy choruses. Simmons is at his best when he’s crafting radio-friendly singles. Elsewhere, things get a little bit mushy. Treacly ballads “Maybe” and “I’ll Be Back” segue into one another and form a large brick of cheese in the first half of the album. “Like Me” is incredibly catchy and earnest but suffers from some cringeworthy lyrics about an ugly shirt from The Gap (“Did you save the receipt? / In this case the thought doesn’t count.”) An uncanny medley of Aimee Mann’s “Wise Up” and Neil Young’s “Don’t Let It Get You Down” is inspired and an album highlight. Kurtis Simmons is no doubt very talented. He’s got a crystal clear voice and a great gift for melody, but after 12 tracks, one wishes he’d let loose, get a little crazy and have a little more fun. Fraction of a Thread could’ve benefited from messier, more ambitious production, but it’s a promising start.
I’m always a bit skeptical of a covers collection, but The New Royales are wowing me because they haven’t chosen obvious selections to revise. In fact, you might not know most of the originals, so it makes for a very fresh listen. And this collective has some chops—vocalist Liz Rodrigues anchored Eminem’s “Survival,” and multi-instrumentalists/vocalists Erik Alcock and Chin Injeti have co-writing credits on Pink’s “The Truth About Love.” Of the tracks you’ll know immediately, Depeche Mode’s “Everything Counts” features the group’s four voices replacing the classic synth line, and it’s a perfect indie rock update. Similarly, the White Stripes’ “Fell in Love with a Girl” loses none of its spunk but is tweaked with a cheap drum machine beat and a synth replacing the fuzzy guitar lines. I also adore this treatment for The Cure’s “Friday I’m in Love,” which reminds me of The Cardigans. A track I didn’t know is The Zombies’ “Care of Cell 44” (think Mika meets ELO), while the splendid bossa nova standard “One Note Samba” will make you wish you were dipping your toes in the Caribbean right about now. All told, this eclectic quartet digs its updates frosted with a ‘60s mod vibe and a lo-fi twist that will keep the hipsters happy.
—Paul V.
—Dominik Rothbard
—Paul V.
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***
****
****
Let’s get this out of the way— Sarah Dooley’s going to be compared to Regina Spektor. If you’re a fan of Spektor’s idiosyncratic piano-based pop tunes, you’ll love Dooley’s debut, Stupid Things. Critics may use this pejoratively, but I think Spektor’s fantastic. Stupid Things is Spektor-ian in the rhythmic piano playing (and vocal ID, which Dooley can’t really help). Yet across these 10 songs I also hear strains of the luminous Nellie McKay, the iconoclastic Fiona Apple and the pop smarts of Sara Bareilles—not a shabby group. Like them, Dooley’s quirkiness is ingratiating while paving the way towards darker matter in even the silliest of songs (particularly on the maniacally jaunty “Teenage Elegance”). If there’s a template here, it’s “Peonies,” wherein Dooley tosses off piano runs as if they sprout effortlessly from her fingertips (the woman must stockpile melodies). And whenever the preciousness threatens to overwhelm her tunes, she gives way to a simple, relatable detail— the extended metaphor of “Willow Tree,” say, giving way to the plaintive lament of “I want you so damn bad”—or plays it (semi-)straight, as on “I Want You to Wonder,” which opens with “I want this song to kill you.” It does.
Jamie Stewart’s avant-garde concern Xiu Xiu is not for everyone. Most times I’m not sure who his core fans actually are. (Or, due to the dark, often disturbing nature of the psychosexual dramas at the black heart of his songs, I’d rather not ponder it for long.) Let’s assume they’re relatively well-adjusted professionals like myself who like to visit the seedier side from the comfort of our homes; or something like Lou Reed/Velvet Underground fans who don’t have to be junkies to love lesser-explored rock ‘n’ roll subject matter. Angels Guts: Red Classroom is a song cycle based on a Japanese erotic film, and you might have already figured out where this is going. It suffices to say this is enjoyable noisy—the group’s best songs, to me, often sound as if Stewart is throwing a well-articulated tantrum—and that it pulls no punches lyrically. I like it as much as The Air Force (my favorite of their releases) yet acknowledge this is subjective. (You may enjoy their more abrasive work, or none at all; I’m a fan of melody amidst the dissonance.) “Stupid in the Dark” is the most listenable track of darkwave. “Black Dick” is hysterical (as in funny and frightening).
—Dan Loughry
—Dan Loughry
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THEATER REVIEWS THE DEAD Greenway Court Theatre | 544 N. Fairfax, L.A. Through Feb. 22 | openfist.org PHOTO: ERIC NEIL GUTTIEREZ
As they begin a nomadic season after losing their Hollywood home, the award-winning Open Fist Theatre Company revives a 2008 production of The Dead, playwright Richard Nelson and composer Shaun Davey’s Tony-nominated adaptation of the beloved James Joyce short story that ends his classic Dubliners collection. For those like myself who missed it the first time around, this handsome and haunting remount at the comfortable Greenway Court is a welcome chance to enjoy the subtle charms of an exquisite chamber piece. Joyce’s tale is set at the annual holiday party hosted by the Morkan ladies— aging aunts Julia (Jacque Lynn Colton) and Kate (Judith Scarpone) and their unmarried niece Mary Jane (Melissa
Sullivan)—at their Dublin home on the Feast of the Epiphany in early 1904. All three women are music teachers, and songs are easily absorbed into the story, often by characters performing for each other as part of the evening’s festivities. Nelson and Davey’s lilting, melodic score cleverly borrows from traditional Irish songs, popular poems, and even Joyce’s own writing to add grace notes of sorrow, joy, hope and celebration to the proceedings. Our narrator is Gabriel Conroy (Rob Nagle), nephew to Julia and Kate, who sets the scene for us, pulling aside a translucent scrim to reveal Kis Knekt’s cozy, period-perfect set before arriving with his lovely wife Gretta (Martha Demson). The events of The Dead are
subtle. There are no falling chandeliers or ascending green witches. But lives are nonetheless irreparably altered by the snowbound evening’s revelations. An onstage ensemble of musicians (directed by pianist Dean Mora) provides gorgeous support to a cast with mixed vocal talent; however, the sometimes shaky voices work for a piece about regular folks gathering for song, drink and dinner. Charles Otte’s original direction is revived, using the wide Greenway stage to great effect, allowing the activity to unfold naturally, sometimes simultaneously, like a well-constructed music box. You can practically smell the damp wool in A. Jeffrey Schoenberg’s sumptuous costumes, complemented by Dan Reed’s moody lights and Joe DiMaggio’s wigs.
Colton is touching as the ailing Julia, and Sullivan subtly conveys a tender heartache in the spinster niece. John LeMay overplays his character’s drunkenness at times, even as Nicola Hersh delights as his disapproving mother. The journey of the piece belongs to Gabriel, however, and Nagle charts it with grace and quiet devastation. The final scene in Joyce’s short story offers some of the most gorgeous imagery in 20th-century literature, much of which Nelson and Davey transplant into the lyrics of the closing number. As Nagle so tenderly delivers them—eventually joined by the whole company—one feels the weight of time, the ache of love, the chill of the snow and, yes, the pull of the dead. —Christopher Cappiello
ON THE MONEY Victory Theatre | 3326 W. Victory Blvd., Burbank Through March 2 | victorytheatrecenter.org
PHOTO: TIM SULLENS
Reaching back to its early years, the 34-year-old Victory Theatre Center is offering a new production of Kos Kostmayer’s On the Money, previously presented there in 1982. The play takes a stab at exploring certain themes still relevant in modern times, primarily the desperate challenges of many American citizens to make financial ends meet when the odds against that can seem insurmountable. Director Tom Ormeny leads a talented cast in an earnest and generally solid rendition of Kostmayer’s work. Yet the script has not aged well in some
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crucial ways. There is a tonal disconnect, which seems to veer between madcap sitcom and moralistic melodrama. Ormeny and his company exhibit integrity and talent, but the material feels disjointed and the playwright’s denouement is ultimately less revelatory and convincing than was presumably intended. A parade of supporting characters dash in and out of a New York bar/ restaurant. Some eventually prove to be important, while others seem of questionable relevance. The narrative takes longer to get from plot point to
plot point than seems necessary, particularly in the first act. Kostmayer doesn’t demonstrate a mastery of economic dialogue in this work. Candy (Vincent Guastaferro) is the sometimes kind, sometimes cruel and exploitative business owner whose switches in disposition become evident midway through the first act. To some viewers, his schizophrenic attitude might recall the philandering shop owner in the classic Czech play Parfumerie and its American film adaptation The Shop Around the Corner. However, the strongest impression soon seems that Candy’s prevailing qualities are greed and lack of compassion for his employees—a crass capitalist without a heart. But will that impression stick? Kostmayer appears to want to offer a portrait of a dogeat-dog society caused by impossible monetary challenges faced by citizens at all levels. But his attempt to quickly pull the meandering pieces of the story together during an abrupt climax feels
more contrived than conclusive or coherent. The basic plot element is revealed with the introduction of three hardworking employees—married head bartender Jack (Jonathan Kells Phillips), waitress Nancy (Maria Tomas) and married head waiter Benny (David Fraioli) devise a charade in which a fake thug (Michael Flipowich) will rob the joint at gunpoint, with these four conspirators splitting the take. Other characters (played by Cara Manuele, Jeff Kober, Tony Maggio, Robert Dominick Jones and Luca Rodrigues) enter the fray prior to a tense final scene. The evening certainly has its pleasures. The performances of the universally strong cast are a big plus, and design elements (D. Martyn Bookwalter’s atmospheric set and lights, Bonny Baldwin’s costumes, Rob Corn’s sound) are firstrate. If only Kostmayer’s intriguing themes and narrative coalesced in a more credible and cohesive fashion. —Les Spindle
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BILLY
MASTERS
“My son is being raised by two gay men. A lot of people don't know that. Evan is at home in Chicago, and I’ve had two gay men raising him. And they are the most wonderful men and I couldn’t be more proud for him to see that.” —Jenny McCarthy tells the world about what great surrogate parents her gay friends are to her son in Chicago when she’s filming The View in NYC.
I used to have a fantasy that I’d show up to one of my high school reunions on the arm of a famous fella. In most of these fantasies, that person was Christopher Atkins. Clearly this is an old fantasy, and even back then I had the wherewithal to not aim too high. Over the years, I’ve met millions of famous folk, but I’ve never bumped into Atkins. But let’s face it, readers—he’s probably not on the short list for invitations to the Oscars, Golden Globes or the other glittering affairs I tend to attend. However, I was shocked and somewhat titillated when I spied Atkins the day after the Golden Globes at the “One Starry Night” benefit at the Pasadena Playhouse, which raised money for ALS research. While I refrained from sharing my fantasy (although I suspect he’d be up for it if the price was right), I did get a photo with him. I don’t want to alarm anyone, but it’s entirely possible that he gave me herpes. Or maybe he was just sporting a benign cold sore. Either way, there will be a full investigation and possible legal action if I see any pustulation. Be that as it may, it was a small price to pay to meet Chris. (I can call him that now, because we share an STD.) I can add my photo with him to my snaps from the day before with Kevin Bacon and Rob Lowe at the Golden Globes, and thus my survey of ‘80s sex symbols comes to a close. Unless I run into Matt Dillon at the grocery store. You wanna get my attention? Write a story about a hot boy being condemned for having sex online and throw in an inaccurate headline—I’m hooked. I don’t know who published this piece, but the headline said, “Students rally around 18-year-old Florida high schooler failed for doing gay porn.” This article further explained that once knowledge of the boy’s porn activities reached the school administrators, he was suspended, “causing him to fail his high school diploma.” Is it possible to fail one’s diploma? You may fail a class, thus not receiving a diploma. But, of course, I’m splitting hairs. Let’s get to the meat (so to speak) of the story. Since the lad has identified himself, I feel completely comfortable sharing 60
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as host of Project Runway All Stars. While Alyssa Milano’s uncomfortable and stilted delivery was widely acknowledged, there are rumblings that she was even more difficult behind the scenes, which is surprising because I’ve always found her to be an absolute delight. I’ll have to get an unbiased opinion by ringing up Shannon Doherty.
Robert Merucci
his deets with you. Robert Merucci is a senior at Cocoa High School. He claims to have started doing porn to help support his family. He started making online videos in September under the name “Noel II”—he wasn’t even the First Noel! Some students found out and, as you’d expect, some of them teased and bullied him. When the school administration got wind of the situation, Merucci was expelled for “unspecified conduct violations.” If there was bullying, it paled in comparison to the outcry upon his expulsion. A large percentage of students staged a protest—both at the school and on their Facebook profiles. The school explained it had to investigate the situation and were now happy—virtually giddy—to welcome Robert back to school. It might sound like all’s well that ends well, but that’s never enough for moi. I had to do my own full investigation. Of the five videos of Robert/Noel II, I’ve noticed a trend. First, they are all condom-free. And he shows amazing versatility—he’ll get pounded in various positions. While I commend his mom for standing by him and telling reporters, “I’m proud of my son,” has she seen the videos? Is she really proud of him? OK, he looks good (far better out of clothes than in), but is no one teaching safe sex anymore? Is it really not a big deal? Troublesome. Less troublesome (but still upsetting) is the situation over at Lifetime. Allegedly the network providing television for women (and gay men) will not be asking the Charmed One to return
Alyssa Milano
That loud yawn you heard a couple Sundays ago was oodles of gay men (and some others) watching Looking on HBO. Truly, there was nothing really bad about the show. It just was so boring—I couldn’t believe it was only 30 minutes. By comparison, Lincoln flew by! And, I’m sorry, but never has being gay looked so dull. Even the cast of Oz looked like it was having more fun. I’m told that subsequent shows will get better, and certainly there is a precedent for a weak pilot kicking off a great show. But if this is the one episode they spent the most time writing and filming, I’m gonna need to re-up my Adderal prescription to get through it. Our “Ask Billy” question this week comes from Victor in Mississippi: “Have you been watching this season of Splash! from the UK? Who is Dan Osborne? He’s gorgeous! They say he’s a reality star, but I’ve never heard of him. He looked like he was really packed into that leopard Speedo. Even Tom Daley was staring at it!” Ah, yes, Splash!—the UK show that spawned a dreadful domestic edition. Of course, we didn’t have the lovely Tom Daley coaching the “stars.” And
therein lies the other difference—the Brits get a gorgeous reality star; we got Louie Anderson. Dan Osborne is on The Only Way Is Essex, the UK show called “an award-winning scripted reality show,” which means it’s like most reality shows here that don’t admit to being scripted (it’s often compared to Jersey Shore and The Hills). Dan is a 6’5”, 22year-old model (lots of undie campaigns) and friends with most of the people on his reality show. I guess he’s like The Situation but with a doubledigit IQ! And, yes, he’s quite gorgeous. He’s straight, has a kid with his ex-girlfriend and loves gay people. When asked about the leopard Speedo, he said, “I didn’t choose them trunks, no. At first I was like, ‘No way, that’s not happening. And in the end, I ended up wearing them. After Splash!, I’m keeping them. I’m going to wear them on my next holiday. I’m taking them to Dubai with me.” Right there you see yet another difference—would Sitch know where Dubai is? If you think Dan looked hot in his Speedo, you should see him out of them, as we’ll show you on Billy Masters.com. When Tim Gunn is showing Alyssa Milano who’s the boss, it’s definitely time for me to end yet another column. For all your gossip needs, check out BillyMasters.com, the site that knows where to find the boys and the booze. If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Christopher Atkins and I attend my 25th high school reunion. Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.
Dan Osbourne
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ILLUSTRATION BY
GLENHANSON .COM
13 QUESTIONS WITH JACKIE BEAT! This issue’s subject: Nadya Ginsburg
If this were speed dating, how would you describe yourself to a complete stranger in just one sentence? I swallow! If you could only watch one movie every single day for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? Happiness by Todd Solondz, because the sensation of not knowing whether to laugh or cry makes me feel at home. Hold onto your seat, it’s about to get real. What’s your favorite color? And think of a pretentious new name for it. Purple. “Passive-Aggressive Polymorphously Perverse Purple.” Complete the sentence: “I could NOT live without…” My friends, family, coffee, laughter and dancing. What celebrity would you like to have wild, passionate dirty animal sex with? Mr. Ed. What song title could also be the name of your autobiography? “Guilty” by Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb. Describe, in detail, your “death row meal.” Humble pie. If you could come back in your next life as anyone or anything, who or what would you be? Someone with larger breasts. Worst job you’ve ever had? Show biz! Also the best, but there’s two sides to everything.
Share your favorite beauty tip with us. Believe you are beautiful. Who or what is your “spirit animal”? SCTV’s comedic goddess, Andrea Martin. Tell me a secret! I find silverback gorillas sexually arousing, so the Mr. Ed answer was a cop out. Finally, be a total shameless whore and plug whatever you want. You can catch me this season on Comedy Central in Brody Stevens: Enjoy It, produced by Zach Galifianakis. And come see me live in The Madonnalogues Variety Hour on Wednesday, Feb. 19 at The Cavern Club Celebrity Theater. For tickets, go to cavernclubtheater.com. FEBRUARY 18, 2014
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LIVE & IN LIVING COLOR As a Southern California kid, I have always so appreciated her beaches, weather and wine. And just over the past few weeks it has occurred to me just how fortunate we are to have amazing—and now historic—music venues always at the ready. A few are gone, but most keep rockin’. Outdoor trophies like the Greek Theatre and the Hollywood Bowl helped create a lifetime of memories for the hooligans I call friends. We used to go to the Universal Amphitheatre before it had a roof. When they put a ceiling on it, I managed a mega pop star who sold out seven nights. Now both the venue and act are gone. As a twink, I went to the Music Center to see the Academy Awards, Angela Landsbury in Mame and Robert Preston in The Music Man. There was the Rose Palace in Pasadena, the Santa Monica Civic, The Hollywood Palladium and of course the magnificent Pantages. But for me it was the rock venues that altered my take on things. I sat mesmerized six nights in a row for Led Zeppelin at The Forum. Five nights for Jethro Tull. I saw The Jackson 5, Elvis and Barbra there. I met The Bee Gees backstage and went on to work for them. A couple weeks ago I saw The Eagles at the newly renovated Forum and it was strikingly remarkable— best acoustics I have ever enjoyed in an arena. Just last week I hit Doug Weston’s Troubadour on Santa Monica Boulevard for a friend’s benefit. I loved the Troubadour growing up—James Taylor, Jackson Browne, Joni Mitchell, Van Morrison. It was the place Robert Hilburn from the LA Times discovered Elton John and introduced him to America. The late Doug Weston was a 6’ 6” wild-eyed, eccentric gay gent with long, stringy hair—and, truth be told—he was a bit of a perv yet way sweet. Doug was without a doubt the father of SoCal’s singer-songwriter movement. Up on the Sunset Strip in 1964, Elmer Valentine and a few others opened the Whisky A Go Go. With its house band, The Doors, and the hot dancers in cages, it soon became the hottest club on the planet, drawing the biggest names. The joint is still going strong. It was a real blast for me a few years ago to produce a radio show outta there called Live from the Whisky. Stevie Nicks, ELO, Crosby Stills & Nash and others dropped by to perform live via satellite across America thanks to the Whisky’s legendary standing in rock ‘n’ roll. In 1973, Valentine along with Lou Adler and three of the greatest managers in rock n’ roll history—Elliot Roberts, Peter Asher and my pal David Geffen—took over an old strip joint called Largo and opened The Roxy. Adler had produced The Monterey Pop Festival along with my surfer friend and Doris Day’s kid, Terry Melcher. Adler also produced a little album called Tapestry by Carole King. He was just inducted into the 2013 class of the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame. His son Nic runs The Roxy today. I was at The Roxy on opening night when Adler introduced a new play he had brought over from England. It starred the play’s writer, Richard O’Brien, Tim Curry and Meat Loaf, and The Rocky Horror Show briefly turned The Roxy into a legit show house. Paramount saw it and the movie deal was made. The rest really is entertainment history. The Rocky Horror Picture Show is the longest-running continuous release in film history. It all started on The Strip. All of these halls have great and powerful stories to tell. There is historical significance to our local joints. It’s imperative to remember what a place they’ve all had in history, how long they’ve been here for Southern Californians to enjoy and how many are still delivering a little music magic every single night. Rock on!
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Queersay CHIHUAHUA SHADE As I spend my Sundays bingedrinking mojitos at The Abbey, I do my best not to judge the people and personality disorders who strut on by. Oh, who am I kidding? Afternoon Bacardi busts at this homo watering hole are ripe with opinionated shade, and I stand as no exception. I usually keep my comments to myself, but there’s a ridiculousness that has gone on far too long, and it must be addressed here and now! To the man who has been bringing his “therapy” chihuahua into the bar around 3 p.m., I am sincerely asking you to find a new place to patronize. It’s not that I mind your three-pound rat dog. In fact, I love all of god’s four-legged friends. It is you specifically I am disgusted with. Not once, not twice, but thrice have I seen you stand at the bar, clandestinely scoop up the bartender’s tips with your Chihuahua-free hand and stuff his hard-earned greenbacks in your Jordache mom jeans pocket. You are the personification of everything our people do not do! Stealing from six-packed Smirnoffslinging strippers while sporting stonewashed Kohl’s khakis and lugging around a Louis-laden rat pup—never before have I been so horrified. You should be ashamed!
AN AFFAIR NOT TO REMEMBER Grindr, Manhunt, Gay.com—oh my! There are a million online hotspots for men of alternative persuasions to chat, meet, greet, bump and grind. And while most of the boys you ping and poke are 10 years older and 50 pounds heavier than their pics profess, occasionally you find a bonafide hottie for a NSA ride. That’s exactly the type of underthe-radar relationship yours truly has (almost) stumbled into as of late. As my regular readers know, I’m single and ready to mingle for the first time in over a decade. While that’s not necessarily gossip, the man I most recently met is. Not only is he a celeb, and not only is
he in a Hollywood power-couple relationship, but he’s also “straight.” Now, I’m classy, constructed of a tried-and-true moral fiber that cannot, will not and shall not be broken by lust. That said, nothing happened when I sauntered over to his Hollywood Hills home three nights ago. We simply talked over TwoBuck Chuck about life, love and the pursuit of homo happiness. Yes, he eventually made a move, but I am not into breaking up homes—even if they are unhappy and covered by an unkempt beard. But let me tell you, if anything eventually comes of this Adam4Adam rendezvous, TMZ may be setting up camp outside my NoHo home. And in Hollyweird, isn’t that the true tell of La La Land success? Stay tuned for updates!
OCTAVIA AWESOMENESS I spied with my queer little eye Ms. Octavia Spencer at Toluca Lake’s The Counter last week. Yes, the burger joint was jumping with local business professionals, in and out for a quick lunch. However, relaxing directly behind me with her two best ‘ladies who lunch’ galpals was Ms. O for well over an hour. The gossip columnist in me always gets a little creepy when I see an Oscar nominee out in the real world. I begin to scan them up and down with a judgmental glare, looking for some snarky observation to share. But there was nothing here. Not once did I overhear —and yes, I was eavesdropping—a single witchy, bitchy comment about a fellow A-lister! It was just old friends laughing over old-fashioned burgers in the L.A. ‘burbs, which I find kind of refreshing. I love you, Octavia! Keep on keeping things classy! XOXO, Gossip Gay
For more QueerSay, go to FrontiersLA.com/QueerSay. Drop me your dirty little secrets at QueerSay@hotmail.com. And don’t worry, I never give up my deep throat!
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RUN IN YOUR UNDIES AT 2ND ANNUAL CUPID’S UNDIE RUN
PHOTO: BY PAULO MURILLO
CITY COUNCIL TO CONSIDER RESTORING RAINBOW FLAG AT CITY HALL BY PAULO MURILLO City Council members were forced to rethink their unanimous vote to remove the rainbow flag that had been flying over city hall for seven months, after some West Hollywood residents lashed out in protest upon the flag’s being taken down Jan. 8. Councilmembers felt the rainbow flag excluded WeHo’s heterosexual residents, who make up 60 percent of the city’s population in a city known for its rainbow crosswalks and the rainbow flags that hang from flagpoles in the medians of Santa Monica Boulevard. Four of the five council members spoke in favor of putting on the agenda a discussion of restoring the flag at City Hall during a council meeting on Jan. 21, where several people showed up holding small flags to protest the flag’s removal. “I think I would say that all of us—when we approved that policy—were not in any way intending to slight the LGBT community,” Councilman John Heilman
stated at the meeting. He then pointed out that four out of five councilmembers are gay men, while the non-gay councilmember—Mayor Abbe Land —is the executive director of The Trevor Project, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping LGBT youth. He also noted that WeHo has police cars with rainbow logos on them, the city hosts a large gay Pride celebration and a lot of city funding goes to human rights issues. WeHo resident Lee Walkup suggested the city incorporate the rainbow colors into the official city flag, similar to the rainbow city logo we see on Los Angeles County Sheriff’s police cars in the city. The majority in the City Council seemed to like the idea. Councilmember John Duran has said he does not feel a rainbow flag at City Hall is appropriate. He did not address the flag issue during his comments at the council meeting and is expected to oppose the issue when it comes up in February or March.
ARE YOU IN FAVOR OF A RAINBOW FL AG HANGING PERMANENTLY AT CITY HALL? “The flag represents LGBT identity, diversity and solidarity, and I believe it should hang proudly and permanently!” —Jerome Tenpenny Jr.
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“They should allow the flag to remain permanently. 2013 was a monumental year for us with the Supreme Court’s decision on Prop. 8 and DOMA being ruled unconstitutional. The people of West Hollywood have fought hard for many years to make this happen. The LGBT community is essential to the city's survival.” —James Vituscka
Strip down to your underwear for a great cause. This Valentine’s Day Weekend, the City of West Hollywood is set to co-host the Second Annual Cupid’s Undie Run in support of the Children’s Tumor Foundation. Cupid’s Undie Run is a one-mile run where it is not only legal to run around in your unmentionables but highly encouraged. The event will take place on Saturday, Feb. 15, from noon to 4 p.m. The run itself will begin at 2. The meeting location for the event is The Abbey, 692 N. Robertson Blvd., and the run’s route will be the perimeter of West Hollywood Park. This is the second year in a row the City of West Hollywood has cosponsored Cupid’s Undie Run. Last year, more than 500 people participated. This year, 800 people are expected to fundraise their pants off. The Children’s Tumor Foundation is a nonprofit 501 (c)(3) medical foundation dedicated to improving the health and wellbeing of individuals and families affected by neurofibromatosis (NF), a genetic disorder that causes tumors to grow on nerves throughout the body, causing blindness, deafness, learning disabilities and chronic pain. All participants in Cupid’s Undie Run must be 21 or over. For more information and to register, visit cupids undierun.com/city/los-angeles.
SPEAK OUT “I think city hall should have a rainbow flag, but I’m also open to adding more flags or having a rotation of unofficial flags. I don’t think straight people care what flags hang from up there. They know what this city is about and what it was founded on. There is plenty of room up there to hang several flags so people don’t feel excluded.” —Randy Miyashiro
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DESERT
HOT TOPIC
DEATH THREATS HEIGHTEN ALREADY CONTENTIOUS REDEVELOPMENT DEBATE BY JAMES F. MILLS
The controversial Desert Fashion Plaza redevelopment project has turned even more controversial and potentially deadly. The same week that the Palm Springs City Council opted to let voters decide whether to proceed with the hotel portion of the project, a man says he got death threats after the mayor called him out in a public speech. During his annual State of the City address in late January, Mayor Steve Pougnet mentioned Casa Cody Inn (175 S. Cahuilla Rd.) owner Frank Tysen by name, calling him an “obstructionist,” referring to Tysen’s opposition to the Desert Fashion Plaza’s redevelopment. The Desert Sun reported that a few days later, Tysen found a threatening message left on his hotel’s voicemail saying he’d better watch his back as his days were numbered. Sgt. Harvey Reed of the Palm Springs Police Department confirmed the report and said they are investigating. Pougnet told the paper it was “rep-
rehensible” that someone would send Tysen a threat, saying that was not in his intent when he called Tysen out in his speech. Pougnet said his aim was to point out the lawsuits Tysen has filed against the city and John Wessman, developer of the Desert Fashion Plaza redevelopment project, have held up progress on the project. “[Tysen] and some of his obstructionists sent 25 of the meanest and most vile letters to the CEO of Kimpton Hotels. Unbelievable. ‘We don’t want you here. We don’t want you here in the city of Palm Springs,’” Pougnet said during his speech, describing what the letters said. “I talked to the CEO of [Kimpton] and I told him that is not who this city is.” In his speech, Pougnet went on to describe the city’s bigoted past. “You know what that reminds me of — ‘don’t want people here’ — of something we’ve gotten over in Palm Springs, we’re over it – ‘we don’t want Jews, we don’t want
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gays, we don’t want blacks, we don’t want Agua Calientes,’” said Pougnet. “We’ve moved past that kind of rhetoric that Frank Tysen continues to spew to people that want this to come to the town.” Located downtown on the northwest corner of Palm Canyon Drive and Tahquitz Canyon Way, the Desert Fashion Plaza shopping mall—once home to upscale department stores Saks Fifth Avenue and I. Magnin—has been shuttered for more than a decade. Wessman, who bought the 13-acre property in 2002, hopes to redevelop it to include retail, restaurant and office space as well as a movie theater, residential units and a 190-room, six-story boutique hotel. Under Wessman’s $300 million plan, about 85 percent of the existing enclosed mall would be demolished and rebuilt in several phases. In the process, Andreas Road and Belardo Road would be reopened through what was once the enclosed mall area and several new streets would be added, including one leading directly to the Palm Springs Art Museum. The plan calls for the city to kick in approximately $43 million of the costs, funded partially through Measure
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J, the voter-approved one-percent sales tax increase. Tysen’s group, the Association for Better Community Development, filed a lawsuit in May against the city for not placing a measure on a ballot allowing the public to vote on the hotel portion of the project, even though the group gathered enough valid signatures to do so. Tysen and others complained about the height and look of the sixstory hotel. In December, a Superior Court Judge ruled the city was not required to place it on the ballot. The group has appealed, but to avoid a lengthy appeal process, the City Council opted to hold a special election on April 22 so the public can decide. Tysen told The Desert Sun that he just wants to maintain the current charm of the city and doesn’t think a six-story hotel will do that. He’s disappointed that he was made to look like a “villain” in Pougnet’s speech simply because he is standing up for his vision of how he wants Palm Springs to look. “People think I’m against growth,” Tysen told the paper. “I want growth that is compatible with the city.”
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SPRINGS
PALM SPRINGS CELEBRATES ALL THINGS MID-CENTURY MODERN BY JAMES F. MILLS Palm Springs is known worldwide for its mid-century modern homes, and Modernism Week is back to celebrate everything mid-century modern. Running Feb. 13-23, Modernism Week honors not just the architecture of the 1950s and ‘60s, but also the art, fashion, design and culture of the Jet Set era. This year, the 11-day festival offers over 150 events and is expected to attract more than 35,000 people participating in home tours, lectures, exhibits and parties. The city-wide event coincides with the annual Palm Springs Modernism Show interior designer showcase, now in its 14th year, being held at the Palm Springs Convention Center on Feb. 14-17. One of Modernism Week’s highlights will be tours of the Christopher Kennedy Compound, open to the public for the first time. Named for acclaimed designer Christopher Kennedy, the house was designed by noted architect Stan Sackley. It was built in 1971 but has been reimagined for today’s California lifestyle with pieces by celebrity designers. “I am humbled by how generously both the local and national design/build communities have stepped up to provide talent, time and product to reinterpret this iconic property in true Palm Springs-style,” says Kennedy. “My goal with the Compound is to celebrate Palm Springs’ architecture in its heyday while updating a swanky vintage house for the realities of modern living using the best
of today's technology.” Modernism Week also includes several free events, including an exhibit at the Palm Springs Library (300 Sunrise Way) focusing on the works of noted architect Hugh M. Kaptur, who built over 200 mid-century modern homes, apartment complexes, hotels and commercial buildings in the Coachella Valley. Kaptur will also be honored in a dedication ceremony on the Palm Springs Walk of Stars on the corner of Baristo and Palm Canyon Drive on Feb. 14 at 2 p.m., and his career will be the subject of a lecture at the library on Feb. 22 at 10:30 a.m. Another free lecture, titled “Lost, Saved & Endangered: Modernist Architecture in Palm Springs,” offers amusing anecdotes and vintage photos of important buildings in the city. That lecture is Feb. 19 at 8:30 a.m. at the Palm Springs Women’s Club (314 S. Cahuilla Rd.). The week will also see many of the buildings along Palm Canyon Drive— which were designed by prominent desert architects—illuminated in special colors nightly from 5 p.m. to midnight with the name of the architect and year of construction projected onto the structures. Modernism Week launched in 2006 as a way to foster appreciation of midcentury architecture and design, as well as encourage preservation. A complete list of the events can be found at modernismweek.com. FEBRUARY 18, 2014
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X-
METH BY DANIEL MATTERA
GRATITUDE
As a little boy, I had one dream. It was simple. I just wanted to be happy. I woke up this morning to find myself in a comfortable bed with warm blankets and soft pillows. I was in a small-sized apartment, on a beautiful tree-lined street in an awesome city. I pay the rent with money from a job that I love doing. I teach my students about tennis, and I learn about life in return. As I emerge from my bed I find that I have a closet full of clothes to wear and a hot shower waiting to wake me up. I have plenty of food in the kitchen, and I have a simple coffee maker to brew my morning ritual. I also have a phone that greets me with morning messages from friends and family. Never have I felt so loved in my entire life. I then took notice of my couch, my television, dishes, a microwave and a fridge. I looked and realized I have every imaginable necessity I could ever need to live comfortably, and enough unnecessary luxuries to realize I am bathed in good fortune. As I drove to work, I had the grateful clarity to notice the most spectacular sunrise emerging in the east. The sky was a blaze of color and seemed otherworldly. I then became aware of my body and marveled at my hands, my feet, my arms and legs, my heart pumping and my grateful thoughts. I realized how lucky I am that all of the parts are in working order. It wasn’t long ago that I didn’t have most of these things. It wasn’t long ago that I had no appreciation for anyone or anything in my life. It wasn’t long ago that I was drowning in loneliness, self-hatred, anger, sadness and resentment. I was immersed in a world of drugs and drinking, used to fill the massive void in my heart, a self-loathing hole of depression that was made infinitely worse by my solution—drugs. Drugs made me hate myself more than I ever had before, and they nourished the belief that I was worthless. I became very isolated, and my behavior was erratic, unhealthy, and humiliating. I lost relationships, clients and was ultimately arrested. My name is Daniel, and today I am sober. I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. I attend meetings that have taught me the 12 steps to a better life. The support I receive has given me a road map to help fulfill the dream of that little boy. A life of love, light, serenity and happiness. Daniel teaches tennis in Torrance, lives in WeHo and is currently on the LifeGuard committee (lifeguardgroup.org) helping to organize this year’s trip for sober people and the friends that support them.
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HEALTH
HIV
LIVING WITH MICHAEL WEINSTEIN PHOTO: GREG GORMAN
President of AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF) president@aidshealth.org — aidshealth.org
AIDS IS A CIVIL RIGHTS ISSUE
2014 marks the 50th anniversary of the landmark Civil Rights Act of 1964, passed by President Johnson. This legislation outlawed most forms of discrimination against racial, ethnic, national and religious minorities, as well as women. It drastically changed the landscape of America and is the framework on which all civil rights gains have been made in this country. Over time we have come to understand that depriving someone of his civil rights goes way beyond legal discrimination. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. taught us that poverty and lack of opportunity are also matters of civil rights. The basic right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as outlined in our constitution is a matter of equal access to the fruits of our society. Clearly, when you look at who is contracting HIV in the United States, it is a disease of marginalized groups. Gay men, Latinos and AfricanAmericans make up most of the cases. In every area dealing with HIV— prevention, testing and treatment—access is unequal. The majority of new cases of HIV are in the South. Most Southern states restrict sex education and HIV prevention in the schools; condoms are not readily available or are too expensive; treatment access is terrible; and being HIV-positive is deeply stigmatized. HIV, as a communicable disease, is first and foremost a public health issue. However, the fact that it strikes groups that are discriminated against makes the job of fighting AIDS much more difficult. HIV infection rates have stayed stubbornly high; only 40 percent of patients living with HIV are receiving regular care; and even fewer have their virus under control. African-Americans and Latinos are much more likely to be diagnosed later in their illness and have worse outcomes. For these reasons, it is necessary to look at AIDS as a civil rights issue as well. We need to fight HIV stigma and discrimination the way that we fight against racial prejudice, by making it socially unacceptable. We need to teach politicians, health care workers and society that HIV is a virus, not a badge of shame. We have come a very long way in treating HIV and in raising awareness, but until we take on HIV stigma head-on we will never bring HIV under control in this country—or the world, for that matter. There is sometimes resistance to making any comparison of any issue to the black civil rights struggle. After all, we are talking about the legacy of slavery in America, which was a crime of epic proportions. However, when you consider the consequences in death and misery that we have already suffered at the hands of AIDS, it is hard to argue that it is not a violation of civil and human rights. Likewise, if HIV were primarily concentrated in white heterosexuals, we all know it would have been treated very differently. Using the opportunity of celebrating one of the most momentous pieces of legislation in the last 100 years to save lives and protect the public health is a fine way of paying tribute to the historic civil rights battles that brought us to where we are today and from which we have all benefited so much.
The opinions of this column do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Frontiers magazine. FEBRUARY 18, 2014
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OFF THE ESY COURT PHOTO
VO TV OF BRA
COUCH
By Dr. Greg Cason
10 SUREFIRE WAYS TO WIN ANY BATTLE WITH YOUR PARTNER Anyone who has been in a relationship longer than two weeks knows that conflict is a part of it. My Valentine’s gift to you is a list of 10 guaranteed techniques to help you win any argument with your opponent—err, I mean partner. You’re welcome.
Dr. Greg Cason is a licensed psychologist based in West Hollywood, specializing in cognitive therapy with individuals and couples. He can be contacted by going to DrGreg.com.
1. Assassinate His Character: Take the issue you are arguing about and make it about your partner’s entire personality. If he lied, call him a liar; if he doesn’t want to have sex, call him frigid; or if you don’t know what to call him, just use the ubiquitous “asshole.”
2. Paint with One Putrid Color: This is character assassination combined with an accusation. The key words are “always” and “never.” Examples are, “You’re always on Grindr” or “You never want to top.” If he starts arguing back a contradicting fact, condescendingly dismiss it and switch to technique number 3. 3. Bring Your Birkin Bag: Don’t just focus on the issue that brought you to the argument. Reach into your designer purse and bring out every past issue you’ve ever disagreed about. Hit him with as many as you can in as much detail as possible. 4. Play the Blame Game: Make it clear that for any issue, the fault lies entirely with your partner. Nothing is off-limits—catching you on a Lazy Susan at the bathhouse, rolling on Molly at his mother’s house on Christmas or just not returning his 23 texts. It’s all his fault. 5. Play the Martyr: Throw off your partner by telling him that he is right in all of his complaints. Say that you are hopeless and you can understand why he hates you. Your partner will not be able to argue with your pathetic self. If things still aren’t getting anywhere, I suggest these nuclear options: 6. Pull Rank: Tell your partner you are richer, smarter, better looking, have a bigger dick, etc. Tell him he has no idea what he is talking about and give advice based on your superior position. If he protests, patronize him by saying that you are “just trying to help.”
7. Stop Responding Completely: This will not only bring the argument to a screeching halt but will infuriate your partner. For extra credit, combine your shut down with pulling rank by saying, “I don’t have to listen to this. I have a real job to get up for in the morning!” Then slam the door behind you. 8. Call in Fake Witnesses: Bring in the nasty opinions of friends. To drive your partner extra crazy, don’t say their names, just say “someone” (you probably made the whole thing up anyway). 9. Mock and Scorn: It’s not what you say but how you say it. Use your high school acting skills to imitate your partner, really exaggerating any negative qualities. Or ridicule your partner by saying “you’re so smart” but make sure your tone says the opposite. Lastly, once you have vanquished your opponent, time to “make-up.” But don’t give up your power. 10. Give a Non-Apology: If your partner says he feels hurt, sad, jealous, upset or whatever, do not apologize for anything you did. Rather, tell him you are sorry he feels the way he does. His feelings are the real problem, not you. Persistent use of the above techniques can make you a winner in any argument with your partner. The only problem is that by being a “winner” you place your partner in the role of “loser.” And though “losers” may stick around to fight another day, they eventually tire of losing and move on. But, hey, it saves you the bother of breaking up! If for some reason you want to wuss out and strengthen your relationship rather than destroy it, then you might want to take a different tack altogether when conflict arises. Rather than trying to win the battle with your partner, set your ego aside and think about the two of you winning the relationship war together. Try these relationship building conflict techniques:
1. Focus on One Problem at a Time: Only argue one problem at a time. Don’t bring in anything else. Don’t make it a character flaw of your partner. Keep it simple. 2. Take Responsibility: Get real with yourself and own up to your actions that are problematic. Don’t blame anybody else or, conversely, take all the blame and be a martyr. Just look at what you did and say, “Yes, I did it.” 3. Get Eye to Eye with Your Partner: Get off your high horse and put yourself on the same level as your mate. Even if you make more money, have a bigger wang or just think you are morally superior. And leave out the opinions of others. You are in an equal partnership with the man or woman in front of you. Act like it. 4. Really Apologize: I’m a fan of the simple “I’m sorry.” No ifs, ands or buts. Just sorry. If you really want do it right, demonstrate understanding of where you went wrong and commit to do better. End with “I love you.” The secret weapon to navigate any argument: 5. Validate: This can be as simple as standing there and listening to your partner’s concerns. It is made stronger by expressing that you understand how they might feel the way they do given the circumstances. And even if you disagree with their concerns and you find yourself having trouble understanding how they feel, I suggest looking for the grain of truth in what they are saying. Call it out. Own it. It works. The next time a conflict arises in your relationship, ask yourself if you would rather be right or be together. If you want to be right, use the first 10 tips. If you want to be together, use the last 5. Either way, you can get exactly what you want!
If you have any questions and/or comments, please direct them to: Frontiers, 5657 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 470, Los Angeles, CA 90036, or email them to feedback@frontiersla.com. 70
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TRY UNIQUE By
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[175SC2121] T02450 [175SC2121] P05293
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S&M MODELS SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA Kinky Japanese Muscle Master 8I8-3I4-9699 [195SC2221]
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with
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VIDEOS
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SEX ED
BEYOND THE CHASTITY SPORTS MYTH BY JIM LARKINS If you’ve ever helped lead the team of your favorite sport to victory, chances are you also led a semi-chaste lifestyle. That’s because the general consensus among coaches has long since been that partying naked prior to the “big game” can mean a decrease in stamina, which unfortunately can translate into losing the edge while battling opponents on fields, courts or diamonds. So it should come as no surprise that the lengths to which coaches and team chaperones will go to in order to maintain team celibacy has sometimes been extreme. Players have been locked in their rooms, ostracized by teammates and even threatened with suspensions, enduring almost every drastic measure just short of being fitted with chastity belts due to the imaginative efforts of proabstinence coaches. Today’s jock, however, isn’t as compliant with such Victorian restrictions. In the interest of proving those cock-blocking coaches wrong (or just because guys have an insatiable appetite for sex), the combatants of the modern sporting world are demanding proof that pre-game sex will hinder their physical endurance. Sexual restrictions for team players became the focus of many an off-court meeting. But it wasn’t until the theory of the ‘sexually active but physically drained’ player was confronted in front of millions of viewers that any real restrictions began to decrease. Fortunately, the television program Sport Science has answered the call of the sexually active sportster by conducting an unconventional experiment. The show’s producers invited heavyweight boxing champion Chris Byrd to the studio, where he underwent a barrage of physically demanding exercises including squats, pullups and cardio on a stationary bike. Monitors recorded the fighter’s heart rate, level of hydration, muscle strength and more. For the next stage of the experiment, Byrd was whisked off to a peculiar laboratory setting—a hotel room where he was put through the ultimate test, a grueling night of heavy lovemaking. The Sport Science team then hit him with the same physically demanding challenges as the previous day’s. It only took a few rounds for the boxing sensation to knock out the stamina-draining sex theory. He was just as strong at the pull-ups and squats, and even slightly more energetic at the cardio test. The results came as no surprise to Byrd, who never agreed with pre-game chastity in the first place as it historically made no difference in his performances in the ring. How these new findings will affect the sporting world remains to be seen. It seems obvious, though, that hockey, football, rugby, mixed martial arts and other highly aggressive competitions won’t be any less combative after pre-game sexual antics. Opponents will just be battling the competition with the satisfied afterglow of great sex.
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!!! MARKET EW K 120 Weddings N K Announcements / Services K 10 Jobs K 20 Rentals
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ADULT K 160 Models/Escorts K 170 Massage/Body Rubs K 180 S&M
K 190 S&M Models K 200 Relationships K 210 Want to meet
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K 220 Mail Order K 230 Websites K 240 Videos
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