live @ the lounge Yeah, gidday, Lizard here. I woke up the other arvo, which in itself was worth a small celebration. I pulled up my woollen socks and the hoodie of my onesie and went searching for some coffee. Shaz was sitting on the fold-out cutting out photos from a 'my house makes yours look like Norman Kirk's Aunty designed it' magazine. She had that ‘we need honey-drenched plywood panelling and bespoke cork bed linen to tie in the flavours of the Movenpick manchester’ look on her face. I avoided the stare and switched on the kettle which, by the way, I had cleverly mounted on a solid wood dresser I'd scored from the inorganic. After finding that the milk had turned into a probiotic, I canned the coffee idea, whipped on my gummies and made my escape to the sanctuary of the Harlequin Bar in Point Chev. This is well known to be frequented by tradies clocking up some well-deserved overtime. Here's a bit of marital advice. When the wife gets that, 'you don't do enough around the place' look, pull out your tape measure and measure anything, then make a huffing noise, scratch your chin and get the hell out of there. Try to seek out fellow avoiders who can talk about work rather than sit at home feeling like Bruce Jenner with a tool belt. I eased Whitevan into the back carpark where the tradies hide their work Range Rovers and Porsche Cayennes, patted a labradoodle in the back of Bruce's king cab and entered the back bar for a few hours of stimulating chat and a shot at the meat raffle. Both achieved, I headed home. Shaz will be stoked I had scored the biggest chicken drum sticks I'd ever seen. How do they get them to be that big and still so tender? Here's another tip. Always go for cammo onesies. You don't want to look like a prat out in public in your jammies.
As I cruised west along Great North Road heading to the on-ramp, I was struck by just how amazingly beautiful the new spaghetti motorway towers tunnel thingy really is. It's absolutely magnificent. Brilliant in design. Clever as hell. Humans do some really cool stuff. If the Egyptian pyramids were, say, Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper, then the new motorway is the Starship Enterprise. It's a modern miracle. This got me thinking about just how far the human race has come. One of the tradies had said earlier that some clever scientist way back had a recording of the Big Bang. Sure, it's way in the background as is cosmic radiation. According to the plumber, and he drinks Guinness, this is something we have all experienced. When you tune in your telly and all you get is static, about 1% of that is an ancient remnant of the Big Bang. This is why I drink with brainy buggers. So, the next time you complain there's nothing on telly you can always watch the birth of the universe. On my way home, I called into a building site a mate at the bar had put me onto, saying there was an entire roll of waterproofing rubber that had been over ordered but paid for by the client so up for grabs. The next day, while Shaz was at the podiatrists getting her wedgies re-soled I covered the caravan roof in the rubber and screwed on a couple of deck chairs creating, even though I say so myself, a quite brilliant, observation deck. Shaz loves it. Now, of an evening, we get out the crochet blankets, a few bevies, a copy or two of Modern Scientist and just ponder stuff. Shaz enjoys sitting next to a 'doer' and I enjoy reading out facts I thought I'd forgotten since leaving school. Shaz started to snore so I woke her up and we went downstairs for a cup of tea and a piece of shortbread. Later, Lizard.
Proud
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Always go for cammo onesies. You don’t want to look like a prat out in public in your jammies.
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