Gender? I hardly know 'er! August Hattiangadi Squint at your reflection. Each imperfection in your skin, the asymmetry of your hairline. Run a finger along the curve of your jaw, the bridge of your nose. Are you content with your image? Chances are, not completely. Or, if you are, perhaps you can remember a time when you weren’t. But insecurity isn’t inherent. External sources teach us to conform to unrealistic ideals. Between the comment your classmate made in fourth grade and the carefully curated images in advertisements, your interpersonal and large-scale experiences with what creates a good face or image are outside of your control. And it’s terrifying not to have that control; the image you see in the mirror is reversed, while the image they see is warped by social cues. As acne and bruises come and go, it may be difficult to understand who you are, and who you’re meant to be. For some, the discrepancy between selfimage and external perception can be a faded scar or a skewed smile, but for a generation of increasingly visible trans teens, this discrepancy can be a sensitive subject: perception of their gender versus their identity. The phenomenon is known as gender dysphoria. Just as it’s important to reassure and support teenagers struggling with their self-image, trans teenagers deserve all the love that their support systems have to offer.
Introducing: The One and Only Sara Twiggs is a trans, nonbinary high school junior who uses they/them pronouns. Their passions span from theater and creative writing to horseback riding. In each of these communities, their personable disposition and emotional intelligence make for a brand of compassion rarely seen in high school. People of all gender identities look to them as a reliable friend. It’s reprehensible that they haven’t always been provided the support they’re so quick to give others. Parents and friends who don’t suspect that their loved one are queer may neglect to give them support before they come out. When one comes out, they share an aspect of their identity with another person. Coming out is personal, and while trans people don’t owe allies an explanation, allies can still offer support without fully understanding a gender identity (“Supporting the Transgender People in Your Life”). Someone who hasn’t revealed that they’re trans may be discouraged from coming out because of a community or person’s attitude towards the trans community. Twiggs’ unsupportive environment caused them to feel vulnerable about their identity so that they could not even be open with themself. “I remember freshman year of high school thinking, ‘Huh, these pronouns make me uncomfortable, and this name doesn’t feel right, and I don’t really like being called a girl or woman. Time to suppress that and come back to it later,’” they laugh uncomfortably. Just like any aspect of identity, the transgender experience is informed by interactions both on a macro and micro scale. Twiggs’ feelings of vulnerability were influenced by their social groups, their parents, and current events. The latter two groups were unsupportive.
"I was afraid of what other people would think. My parents are kinda transphobic so coming out to them is going to be..." They pause. “interesting, if I do it at all. I think that I do fear judgment a lot from other people, so that did sort of keep me trying to conform.” Twiggs isn’t an outlier here. While 48% of American parents say they
Sara Twiggs, age 17
would be comfortable with their child telling them they are transgender, another 48% would not be (PRRI). These statistics vary slightly across demographics, but they consistently show that America is divided on familial acceptance of trans people. Queer kids often find it challenging to come out, even if their family may seem supportive. Physical safety is a higher priority for them than emotional openness, and who can blame them when a disproportionate number of LGBTQ+ youth are homeless? (“Gay and Transgender Youth Homelessness”).
Peace and Love on the Planet Earth Since freshman year, Twiggs still hasn’t come out to their parents but has found other places to express themself. Most people have a period of time during which they first explore and define their identity. For those specifically interested in their gender and orientation, this is known as “questioning.” Questioning promotes self-exploration regardless of the outcome, and should be respected, the way delving into possible career paths and interests is. When Twiggs was questioning, they found support in an unexpected place: the horse community. They had the idea to try out they/them pronouns at their workplace, Garrod Farms, which turned out to be a defining moment in their relationship with themself and their coworkers.
“They were totally understanding of it and they immediately switched over. I was able to explore that part of my gender in that sort of contained bubble without having to worry about judgment from other people,” says Twiggs. Finding comfortable pronouns was a watershed moment for them because it cemented their esteem in their identity. “[The pronouns] felt like an identity in themselves, and for me, when you find your identity, you’re able to understand yourself more, and if you understand yourself, you can feel a bit more comfortable with it.” That taste of acceptance in a separate sphere from school and home allowed them to envision a similar future with more of the spaces they were a part of. Over time, Twiggs has been able to embrace themself and branch into new communities and people, some of whom share their label. They find trans people, both nonbinary and binary, to be sources of validation and connectedness. These supportive experiences have inspired them to pass on their support to others. “I want people to know that I am queer. I want for people who are queer and not quite confident in themselves to see that I’m an ally and a friend to them.” As for their presentation, they’re determined to match their vision with reality. Smiling widely, they define being nonbinary: "Even if they're wearing a dress, even if they're wearing makeup, you think, 'That person's queer. Don't know what it is, but they're queeR.'" Question: What is it about them? swer: they are mo s t d An efinite ly queer.
About the author August is a queer junior who plays synth and makes clothes in her free time. She really enjoyed this opportunity to practice her Adobe Suite skills and get to know her friend, Sara, a little better. She lives in Mountain View with her dog and two parents.
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