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Vol. XIII, Issue 4 Francis Parker School April 2011

TOC! Ta Co bl nt e en of ts

Cover Art by Katie Volker TOC Staff Page

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Editor’s Note GBU Relationships Gone Wired Just Friends Crossfire: Kids Growing Up Too Fast?

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Revolution Yearning for Learning Face Your Fears Rumor Has It...

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Check Out This “Situation” Movie Sequels... That Fell Flat Read It. Watch It. Love It. The Best American Remakes of Foreign Films

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20 Players to Watch This Spring A Numbers Game

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Senior Bucket List 25 Things That Need to Come Back Not So Lazy Sunday... Quad Rants Back Cover Art by Katie Volker

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Editors-in-Chief Meagan Harris Maddie Thurman Managing Editor Kira Newton Editorials Editors Simone Leonard Sara Linssen Features Editors Liza Gurtin Carson Scott Entertainment Editors Sloan Christopher Haley Robinson Sports Editors Michael Schreiner Cameron Songer Etcetera Editors Kara Jones Grace Paluch Layout Editor Madeline Peeling

Scribe Staff 2010-11 Share with us any questions, concerns, or comments you have about the magazine. Your opinions matter. Email us at Visit our website at Join our facebook fanpage at to stay updated with everything Scribe.

Web Editors Claire Bryan Kaity Wilson Staff Writers Aly Barrett Marisa Canepa Raphie Cantor Evan Fitzner Stanley Gambucci R.B. Ganon Colin Grey Emily Heft Anna Hobbs Kasey Hutcheson Claire Kim Sam Melville Molly Morrison Walker Newton David Nussbaum Ben Peters Jake Siegler Katie Volker Adviser Michelle Adelman APRIL 2011



Editor’s Note

By Meagan Harris

In art history, most movements, though not all, are a reaction to the style that preceded it. The new movement and its artists look to the past, they absorb their society’s politics, customs, and culture, and in turn express themselves and their world. Frequently, the creativity of a generation tears at the edges and cracks and seams of the old, recrafting what they saw in their own image. And so, here we stand, facing the same questions that all individuals stand in the shadows of, as individuals and as an intangible us. Are we making the most of our time? How can we face the future? Should we roll with the established, or start a revolution, any revolution, in any way we can? What can we do for ourselves and for others? How can we, should we, relate to others? How can we be ourselves? Who are we? I cannot claim that The Scribe had these questions in mind when shaping the April 2011 issue. It was, after all, the transition from second trimester to third and the beginning of spring, and we were a little distracted by the upcoming Interim, midwinter break, and, yes, The Scribble. But even in the midst of discussions about the Learning Center (pg 11), our favorite school books and movies (pg 16), and even the Jersey Shore (pg 14), we couldn’t escape the feeling that maybe we were missing something— things from the past (25 Things that Need to Come Back pg 20), goals for the future (the seniors’ bucket list pg 21), friendships without Facebook (pg 6) or without gender complications (pg 7), and possibly our childhood (Growing Up Too Fast Crossfire pg 8-9). Maybe our subconscious introspection was caused by the turmoil on the other side of the world, protests turned into revolutions (pg 10), questions about the status quo. Possibly it was the distractions, the beginning of spring and the beginning of the end of school. Or, perhaps I am just reading too much into it. We forge onwards, moving in cycles, reexamining the past and creating a future in our new and our old ways, driven by an unsatiable need for knowledge and to connect and to express. A popular criticism of modern and contemporary art is, “My kindergartener could do that.” A popular response is, “But they didn’t.” Why aren’t we?



barometer March Madness: ASB has yet again put together a wonderful stress-busting class competition. We couldn’t ask for a better way to end the trimester than watching students ricochet off wagons. Science Olympiad and Robotics: The Science Olympiad team placed second at the San Diego Regional Competition, and Robotics seeded third out of sixty teams in the qualifying rounds at the Sports Areana competition.

Senior Second Trimester Grades: Finding out in the last week that second trimester grades were being sent to colleges was bad. After a week of why-didn’tthey-tell-us-earlier-I-can’tbelieve-it, the discovery that only helpful grades would be sent was doubly sweet.

March Madness Attendence: We know that you didn’t really have a doctor’s appointment, but did you really have something better to do?





For the first time in my high school career, I was looking forward to thinking about colleges over my vacation. Spring Break is a time for seniors to visit schools with the confidence of knowing they have already been accepted and the final hurdle is to just decide. This break is necessary in aiding seniors to make, as they’ve been told all year, one of the biggest decisions of their life. As all seniors undoubtedly know, all college decisions are announced by April 1st. The problem is, Spring Break officially begins just three days later. This is not a sufficient amount of time to book flights and hotels and to plan a trip. Now we are forced to squeeze quick trips into our weekends and feel even more pressure when making this decision. Hearing back from colleges is stressful enough and now having to find time to visit these colleges is just making it worse. But hey, at least we got in somewhere!

Parker has taken an initiative to inform and provide awareness about dangers in our society today. Over the course of the past few months, all grades have attended an assembly put on by members of the San Diego Police Department. In these assemblies, the police present on child abductors and safe driving practices. Their message is serious, the stories heartbreaking, and the video footage disturbing—but not as disturbing as the way in which the senior class behaved during the assembly. Students were not only talking throughout the assembly, but even worse, some were laughing at inappropriate times. Their actions were not only disrespectful to the officers who took time out of their day to be there, but also to the victims whose stories were shared with us. I felt embarrassed and ashamed to be a member of a class with such a lack of courtesy and respect.


April 2011



Doing the right thing has recently been diminished to just a phrase that was written at the top of the announcements. It has become such a miniscule part of our lives that it isn’t even printed on the paper even more. But in reality, we shouldn’t be undermining the importance of doing things the honest way. I would like to praise those Parker students who strive to actually do the right thing every day, even in the smallest ways: getting community service hours done on time without using forged signatures, never cheating on a test or quiz, picking up pieces of trash you see lying around campus. Too often people are only doing the right thing when they believe it will be beneficial for themselves, but what really matters is doing the right thing even when no one is looking. Although this phrase is no longer printed, it will be engraved in our minds forever, so take it to heart and try to make a change in the world for the better.


Relationships Gone WIRED: The effect of technology on our generation’s relationships

By Kasey Hutcheson Every day technology becomes a larger part of our lives. Whether it’s the phones getting “smarter” or the growing popularity of social networking sites, we all spend the majority of our day “wired” in one way or another. With this growing technological connection, an alarming issue seems to have arisen for our generation: as society spends more and more time logged on to technology, we spend less and less time logged on to each other. For our generation, the most obvious effect of technology can be summed up in a single word: Facebook. Here at Parker this statement is especially true; it is extremely difficult to find an Upper School student who doesn’t spend a large portion of his/her day chatting or stalking other people’s profiles. A high number of students could easily admit, just as I do, to spending more time than is necessary on Facebook, often using time they don’t have in the first place. For example, we all have had those nights where we know we have too much work to do to log on to Facebook, let alone spend all night chatting. Yet do we still? Absolutely. One advantage to Facebook is that the website makes it very easy to maintain all types of relationships, from a friend in another country to one at another school. Perhaps Facebook’s most interesting use is the ability to reconnect with old friends or classmates from elementary school or even younger. But as a whole, Facebook is beginning to encourage a steep decline in face-to-face interactions between young people. It might be much easier to watch what you say and how you say it when you don’t actually see the person you’re talking to, but rather a tiny picture and a name. However, the depersonalized nature of Facebook chat also makes it much easier to misunderstand the tone or the whole meaning of what’s being said. Even worse, it’s too easy to say something rude to others when they aren’t there to make you feel terrible for saying it. As a whole,

Cartoon by Daniel Kurtzman



although Facebook chatting your best friend about the Chemistry homework can be beneficial to the both of you, the instant messaging system often allows you to perpetuate the drama of a situation for days without talking face-to-face and truly mending the issue. Research conducted by the Pew Research Center last year showed that among American teenagers ages 12 through 17, over half of them sent more than 50 text messages a day while a third of them sent over 100. In a society where teenagers communicate more through a little machine with buttons than we do with actual words, how are we supposed to learn social skills that will be necessary to communicate when we are older? And although the valid argument could be made that other, quite different skills are being learned through texting, interpersonal interactions encourage teenagers to better their communication skills that will be necessary later in life; for example, how would texting help a person to learn the best way to handle a job interview? Personally, I have seen the ripple effect that has occurred: I have friends who I talk to every day, either through texting or Facebook. However, in person, a conversation never really seems to happen. I never realized how strange these friendships were until someone asked me to define our relationship, and I had no idea what answer to give. Is there a label for a friendship that exists only through machines? Are we truly friends if we can’t hold a conversation when we’re looking at each other in person, forced to make eye contact? To me, the answer was always obvious: of course we are friends, if we like the conversations we have, even if those conversations are held through a machine rather than in person. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized the absurdity of the situation. If I want to call someone my friend, I should be able to

be friends with him/her through actual interpersonal contact. Whether or not I want to make myself feel better by saying the friendship still counts becomes irrelevant; a Facebook friendship is not the same as a real one, and the delusion that it is really just proves the point that our generation’s social skills are declining rapidly, quite probably due to our overuse of technology. Now the same idea holds true when you think about those friendships that exist purely over the phone. And no, not even through actual voice calls, but only through tiny, less than 150 character messages. Whether or not the two people holding that conversation are friends depends purely on the situation, but the idea is the same: having a friendship, or even a relationship, through purely technological means is not the same as a real friendship with face-to face conversations and emotions. Over the past decade, what used to be phone calls have turned into texts, what used to be face-to-face conversations have turned into online “chats,” and what used to be friendships have turned into a series of stalking other people’s profiles. I’m not saying that Facebook doesn’t have its advantages in the life of a teenager, especially considering my own addiction, but it’s pretty obvious that Facebook isn’t helping us in any way to build the social skills we need to succeed later on. So next time you strike up a conversation with a friend online, make sure that you contemplate whether or not this relationship has become healthy for either of you. Find an opportunity to spend some real face-to-face time together, either at school or somewhere else. Studies show that when you’re in college and trying to find a job, those social skills will be the thing that just might save you, and that one friendship will suddenly become the best idea you ever had.

just friends A look at the plausibility of a platonic friendship

In Greek mythology, Oedipus fulfilled a prophecy in which it was foretold that he would kill his father and marry his mother. Little did Oedipus know that his prophecy would be adapted by Sigmund Freud to explain human nature in a theory called the ‘Oedipus complex’. According to Freud, every boy is created with a desire to sexually possess his mother and kill his father, and similarly, girls are born into a psychosexual competition with their mother for possession of their father. As disturbing as these Freudian beliefs seem, they facilitate an explanation of interaction between opposite sexes. If a newborn male’s brain is wired to think of his own mother in sexual terms, one can conjecture how the pattern will progress as the newborn matures. As the child matures, he or she experiences psychosexual development, where the instinctual libido develops. Consequently, any impasse among the stages will later lead to neurosis. Freud believed that all of our actions are driven by an unconscious primitive desire, and we resist being aware of the source of our motivations. Maybe our resistance to recognize our unconscious desires is the reason why we become so defensive upon being asked if a friend is something more. The common reply shot back to the interrogator usually contains the phrase, “just friends”. Nevertheless, even this phrase implies the inevitability of friendship becoming more intimate. The addition of “just” is meant to give emphasis to the negation, but if friendships between the opposite sexes were founded on solely innocent intentions, there would be no need for emphasis. It is almost as if the person being interrogated not only finds the need to convince others, but is also attempting to convince his or herself of the status of the friendship. The “JAF” may be a mythical creation of our imaginations if Freud is correct.

“JAF” is an acronym for “just a friend;” almost everyone will claim to know at least one JAF. Nevertheless, it seems strange to contend that all friendships are based on a more lustful motive. There is a fine line between the definition of a friend and boy or girlfriend, and often that line begs to become blurred as it becomes difficult to see why it was drawn in the first place. Friendship is founded on the principle that two people are supportive of each other’s endeavors; they demonstrate kindness and affection toward one another, they enjoy each other’s company, and mutual respect is given and received. All of the aforementioned qualities also apply to a successful romantic relationship, with the small difference being that relationships have the addition of romantic intimacy. Humans spend their whole lives searching for a soulmate; hence romance is something that is commonly desired. After all, every living thing has persevered through life in order to reproduce; it is a natural instinct to perpetuate the existence of the species. The want for more intimacy between acquaintances is mirrored in society’s adulation of attractive appearances. It has been scientifically proven that people are friendlier to others who are appealing, and, overall, attractive people are more likely to have more success in life. In a study published in 1994, interviewees were rated on a five-point scale according to attractiveness. The nine percent of men rated by interviewers as below average in physical appearance also received nine percent less than average in hourly earnings, while the 32 percent of men rated as handsome earned five percent more than the average for men in the sample. People find qualities attractive if they suggest fertility, which is another example of the drive to maintain the species’ survival. Qualities like shiny hair and wide hips were popular to cavemen, and they continue to remain admirable in women

By Haley Robinson because it is still encoded in men to seek these signs of fertility. Transitive property logic says that since good mates are seen as attractive, and attractive people are seen as good friends, than this would make good friends good mates. It is possible that friendships are simply an intermediate step before relationships, or that friendships are our way of lying to ourselves about our unconscious drives. Some cultures do not attempt to form an impression of friendship between men and women, but rather the opposite gender is most frequently viewed as potential spouses. Society has changed since the times when men and women were off-limits to each other until marriage and people did not even meet their spouse until the day of their marriage. The question is whether the men and women have changed since then, or if friendships are a pretense for unestablished relationships. Maybe friendships between men and women become too complicated as well; many girls would not be comfortable with their boyfriends having a female best friend. Conversely, a girl who believes her male friend has no further intentions is often disappointed upon finding that she is abandoned at her friend’s acquiring of a girlfriend. The lost friendship appears superficial once it is discovered that the male friend was only pursuing something more, but is he even capable of fighting his natural drive? Media has certainly made the friendship-turned-relationship story its clear favorite; rarely is there a movie about a platonic female and male friendship that does not grow into something more intimate. There are so few platonic malefemale relationships on display in our culture’s entertainment that people are at a loss for rules and behavioral norms to even define these relationships. Each person is presented the choice: friend or Freud?

APRIL 2011


How many times a day do we think about tomorrow? I rarely find myself solely concerned with the present, with what is happening at this moment in time. Mostly, I feel as though my mind is on a fast track into tomorrow, as if I’m living to do one thing: prepare. Of course, that is expected in a college preparatory school— students looking to a bright future. But I often feel as though we take the future a little too seriously, as if not getting into the perfect school, failing to immediately find the perfect job, buying the biggest house, and driving the nicest car automatically constitutes failure. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The real question is: When did it become necessary to have a life plan at fifteen? I know I have had my career path set out since eighth grade, and recently, I have found myself doubting whether or not that has been the result of being a confident and precocious middle school student, or a society where children are forced to always look ahead. Some say that this is simply how our generation is structured—a fast-paced, forward-thinking group of individuals who don’t feel as though they have missed their childhood experience. However, it seems to me that the children of today’s society have not simply made a decision to look towards adulthood in a different light. The effects of approaching getting older with no reservations can be devastating. We see that the future is inevitable, and instead of greeting it with responsibility and a gradual acceptance, we force it upon ourselves.

Nostalgia can be a painful and powerful emotion, and as soon as that feeling starts to creep into one’s mind, it can be difficult to confidently say that growing up promptly is ever a good idea. Because once we have reached the point of no return— the point where we are controlled by our schedules, society, and high expectations at such a young age—there will always be a part of us that yearns for the days of finger painting. As senior Tammy Pham says, “People are so caught up in what others expect of them, or worse, in what they believe others expect of them. Sometimes it’s healthier and more en-

By Simone Leonard reer? Check. A plan for the next ten years? Check. Like so many other students, I have been caught up in this climb towards the seemingly unwavering future. But the truth is, we have no idea what could potentially happen to us within the next six months. We want to be satisfied now, while planning for the happy future. In a world where everything is constantly evolving, it’s difficult not to get caught up in what will be instead of what is. So what about now? Are we, as students, really taking the time to focus on what’s currently going on in the world or how our nextdoor neighbor’s day was? Not only is there a need to slow things down and perhaps revisit the simplicity of childhood, but the simple things in life as well. But with the weight that we put on ourselves, this is a difficult task to do. A main part of the issue really does come down to influences. How often are we told to not pay attention to the latest media craze or iPhone application, and just slow down, and take a walk outside for once? Not often enough. And to those who say it’s beneficial to be motivated by what is to come, and to be future-driven, I suggest this: if we do all of our living in the future now, what do we gain? A wellthought out life that probably won’t work out the way we imagine. But what do we lose? We gladly give up years worth of potential moments when we should have been enjoying every second we could, to plans, schedules, and an agenda.

In a world where everything is constantly evolving; it’s difficult not to get caught up in what will be instead of what is.



joyable to just sit back and do what you want— face the imminent ‘wants’ first and deal with all else as it comes.” From media to social stigmas to the everyday pressures of life, there are everpresent influences on students growing up in today’s society. According to an article in the New York Times, researchers are theorizing, “that the ever-accelerating pace of technological change may be minting a series of mini-generation gaps...” With the speed in which technology is moving, we are feeling forced speed up along with it in our society. These forces compel students to move forward, to advance quickly in all aspects of life. One must be the best as quickly as possible, as if we need to have checked off everything on some unspoken list before we graduate high school. Boyfriend/Girlfriend? Check. Impressive academic ca-

“Never grow up” is a slogan that has been sold to society, our generation in particular, countless times. Peter Pan uses it as his trademark, it is written into carefully thought out song lyrics, and you hear it from parents and mentors. Between technological advances and a pressure from the media to “look the part,” it is easy to see us as a generation that is growing up too fast. We are frequently described as an instant satisfaction generation; we send messages with a click of a small plastic key, and we make meals by “just adding water.” But just because we might not spend enough summer nights watching the stars or playing in the backyard with the neighborhood kids until dusk, it does not mean we have grown up too fast. We are not growing up too fast, just differently. “Never growing up” is something we have all reflected on: never having to deal with high school exams, applying to college, graduating college, finding a job, finding a family, or finding happiness. This is a past that, though fun and wonderful, doesn’t have the substance that the life in front of us has. The realization is one that we want to embrace to better ourselves, but usually makes us simply depressed about our lost childhood. In many ways our parents’ and grandparents’ generations were the generations growing up too fast. Generations before us have had to grow up the moment they graduated from high school, and some even before then. The Greatest Generation (those born in the period before 1928) were immediately drafted into the army or workforce of World War II. What could possibly force you to grow up faster than going to war? The Silent Generation (adults born 1928-1945) grew up as children struggling during the Great Depres-

sion, and advocating for their rights during the Civil Rights Movement. Young men and women from these generations had to take a stand and fight for what they believed in. Despite the fact that we are growing up during a time when the Untied States was waging two wars only 2% of millennial males (according to the study, The Millennials: A portrait of Generation Next by the Pew Research Center) are military veterans. This percentage is shocking considering that during the Baby Boomer generation, 13% of men were veterans, and during the Silent Generation, 24% of men were military veterans. Maybe it isn’t that our generation is

By Claire Bryan to know what we want to do in life and are pushed in school, especially at a college preparatory environment like Parker to find our passion in high school. But you have to consider that our society has also become a society more accepting of the idea of changing careers or majors. In colleges there has been an increasing amount of phone calls to college professors from parents. Ingrid Hayes, Director of Admissions at Georgia Tech, refers to over-bearing parents as helicopter parents and is disappointed in the lack of independence our generation has from our parents. In the article “Hovering Parents Need to Step Back at College Time,” CNN Health, clinical psychologist Mark Crawford states that our generation consists of “perpetually anxious adults who take very few risks outside of their comfort zones.” Childhood should be something you look back on as an adult and miss, not lament in all the ways you regret you didn’t properly spend your childhood. And though you should love the days you spent playing hopscotch, and every once and a while you should take a break from your homework and break out the sidewalk chalk, you shouldn’t beat yourself up about being a kid during the 2000s. You should love your last years before you become an adult. Enjoy these days of thinking about college, thinking about what you are going to be when you grow up, because pretty soon it won’t just be something you state as an adorable second grader. Grow up because you can’t wait to be an adult. Be inspired everyday to work for what is coming next. Don’t just live only for the day in front of you, live for all of the days that you have yet to live.

We are not growing up too fast, just differently. growing up too fast, but that we haven’t had enough opportunities to grow up. We are babies compared to the generations before us, generations who had no choice but to lead themselves into war, or march down the streets in protest. I, for one, believe that our parents think we are growing up too fast because they measure us to how much we are involving ourselves in complex gadgets, but in my eyes that’s not much of a measure of maturity. Their generation was getting married and starting a family younger than ours is. It is more than just a trend to wait longer to get married in order to have the time to have a successful career; it is a change in the way people live their lives. According to the Pew Research Center Publications study of the Millennial Generation (the generation born between the 1980s to early 2000s) “just one-in-five Millennials (21%) are married now, half the share of their parents’ generation at the same stage of life.” In terms of career, some may say we are pushed these days from a young age

APRIL 2011



Unrest in the Middle East: Revolution of the Arab Youth

By Carson Scott

The torrent of revolution sweeping in Tunisia. It was not a revolt character- been done in a very clever fashion. The across the Middle East has put the United ized by blind violence, but instead was a revolutionaries have demanded democStates in a precarious diplomatic posi- revolution led by intellectuals who have a racy, thus appealing to western countries, tion. In the latter part of the twentieth right to be angry. This new generation of like the United States, to support them. century, the United States has maintained college-educated Arabs is one frustrated Whether the new governments of some semblance of control in the Middle by its lack of opportunity, the antiquated countries like Egypt and Tunisia will acEast through its numerous, albeit some- government, and way of life of its people. tually be more like Western nations rewhat weak, partnerships with Arab dictaWith the advent of social networking, mains to be seen. However, the United tors. The U.S. has also been a promoter young Arabs have seen how well their States could not side against the revoluof democracy in the region, working to European and American counterparts tionaries without looking like a hypoestablish lasting democratic govern- live. These revolutions are a sign that they crite on the greatest possible scale. This ments in Iraq and Afghanistan. are discovering that their corrupt and is the genius of the revolutions. By callThe Middle Eastern revolutionar- undemocratic governments are hold- ing for democracy, they either enlist ies are overthrowing dictators “allied” ing them back. For years, many of the the assistance of the world’s post powwith the United States, such erful democratic nations, as Egyptian leader Hosni or expose them as frauds. Mubarak, and attempting This strategy has been sucto replace them with democessful at drawing in the Unitcratic rule. By not intervened States against an Egyptian ing, the U.S. government has government to which it has shown it is willing to put the given two billion dollars a spread of democracy before year in aid since 1979. In this the defense of leaders of alsense, the United States was lied nations. This decision is forced to turn against a govsmart in respect to the presernment which it had been ervation of America’s global helping sustain for more image, but it may not be pragthan thirty years. Now that matic. Some have argued that the United States has sided democratic Middle Eastern with the new democracies nations will move away from of the Middle East, it will Lybian soldiers attempt to hold back a crowd of protestors. partnerships with the Unitundoubtedly do everything ed States as a consequence. Photo Courtesy of in its power to make their Normally, U.S foreign policy analysts most brilliant minds of the Middle East governments as westernized as possible. would be able to predict, or would at least have emigrated to the western world in However, many of these new govtry to predict the long-term effects of search of greater opportunity and better ernments have other ideas. The interim successful democratic revolutions in the lives. These young Arabs do not want to Egyptian government already asserted Middle East. However, the current revo- leave. They want to retain their countries’ its independence of western influence lutions are unique in that they are not brain trusts and encourage intellectual- by allowing Iranian warships to pass being carried out by disgruntled farmers ism through democratic government. through the Suez Canal. Many of the or groups that once held power and have Conversely, a dictator wants to rule democratic revolutionaries believe that been ousted. These revolutions are being uneducated subjects. The less educated allying with the United States will make primarily led by the educated Arab youth. the people are, the easier they are to keep their nations puppet states once more. In Tunisia, where revolution- docile and contented with the status quo. Instead, they want to lead their countries aries recently overthrew leader Zine Revolutions carried out by the unedu- away from the west, but also away from al-Abidine Ben Ali, the unemployment cated masses can be put down with rela- the old Middle East, and chart their own rate is 15%. For recent college gradu- tive ease. However, the recent revolutions course for the future of the Arab World. ates, it is 45%. These unemployed college have been effective at removing Middle graduates helped to lead the revolution Eastern dictators because they have



YearningTakefor Learning an inside look at the Learning Center Did you know?

Meet the Faculty By Claire Kim

It has been said that all the students who attend the Learning Center get extra time on their tests, but that’s just a rumor! Only a small percentage of students get extra time. Students in the Learning Center must take a test to qualify for it.

Mrs. Duehr

Teaches- English, math, science, history Favorite subjects- math and science Available? Mon.-Fri. all day, except 4th period Love- when students share their accomplishments Hate- when students are dishonest about finishing work Bribe me? Starbucks card

High school and middle school classes are separated in the Learning Center. There are different classrooms and different teachers.

The teachers in the Learning Center know your teachers; therefore, they know how the teachers teach and what they will test you on. Why go to a private tutor when it’s so obvious who can give you more help? There are two separate programs to sign up for when starting the Learning Center. You can sign up for the Program where you go in during a regular basis, or sign up for Tutoring’ where you can go in about once a week. The Learning Center schedule is flexible! You can go in during a free period or after school.

Ms. Harlan

Teaches- French, Spanish, Latin Favorite subject- French (she’s originally from France) and Spanish Available? Mon.-Fri. all day, except 4th period Love- enthusiasm for a language Hate- when a student “shuts off ”/ isn’t engaged Bribe me? Chocolate croissants

Coach DJ

Teaches- math, science, English, history, art, you name it Favorite subject- Biology Available? Mon.-Fri. 8:00am-3:30pm Love- the “Ah-Ha!” moment Hate- when kids pick on each other Bribe me? Anything chocolatey

Ms. Dosick

Director of the Learning Center Please contact Ms. Dosick for any questions concerning Learning Center.

APRIL 2011


Face Your Fears How bullying affects us mentally, physically, and emotionally By Anna Hobbs Children are our most vulnerable citizens, and yet one in every four of them are under attack. Bullying is one of the most pervasive problems that children and teens face today. According to Thomas Krevor, Executive Director of The Hetrick-Martin Institute and nationally recognized leader in the realm of positive youth development, the “act of bullying is the exertion of having more power over someone with less power,” and this act can be extremely traumatic for victims. What do we think about when we hear the word “bullying?” A big kid on the playground, stealing the ball away from his weaker victim? This, of course, is a kind of bullying, but there are many other serious forms of bullying that are more subtle. Bullying can be physical or verbal, and can also include social alienation, intimidation, and cyber bullying. One might ask: how is bullying handled at Parker? It is generally handled on a case-by-case basis. Perhaps not surprisingly, bullying is a problem that more seriously affects underclassmen. At the middle-school age, teasing can be a harmless and common occurrence, and does not often turn into serious bullying. Teasing at the high school level can quickly escalate into bullying as it evolves into verbal and physical abuse. Once the teasing takes this harmful last step, then administrators will intervene accordingly. The punishment for bullying can range from a requested apology to detention to even expulsion. While

physical abuse is considered the most serious offense, verbal bullying is also seen as a hurtful and unnecessary act. Bullying is an increasingly serious problem that is catching the attention of educators, health professionals, and concerned parents more than ever before. President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama, recently hosted an event intended to raise awareness about the adverse effects of bullying on our nation’s students. The couple also posted a video on Facebook detailing just how damaging the act of bullying can be, and urged educators and parents to

bullying: direct attacks and cyber bullying by proxy. The latter involves the bully using others to help him or her cyber bully the victim, with or without the accomplice’s knowledge. As America’s youth becomes increasingly comfortable with technology, so rises the rate at which technology is used as a tool for bullying. Bullying is a leading cause of psychological trauma. A child or teen who is affected by bullying will likely suffer both physically and emotionally, and his or her school work will almost always be affected. If the bully or bullies persist, then the victim will often become afraid of going to school, and problems with self-esteem and depression will appear or worsen as the bullying continues. These emotional issues can last into adulthood, and affect later personal and professional relationships. More serious and urgent symptoms may also appear, where the victim becomes depressed or even suicidal. Parker is taking steps to bring awareness to the issue of bullying. Recently, the Upper School ASB hosted lunchtime forums at which students were invited to discuss whether they felt comfortable being different in Parker’s social environment, and share their thoughts on bullying. According to Mr. Marc Thiebach, Upper School Dean, “It is all about the wellbeing of our students, whether it be in personal matters or family situations.”

Teasing at the high school level can quickly escalate into bullying as it evolves into verbal and physical abuse.



handle bullying more sternly. President Obama noted that bullying these days can follow students “from their school, to their phone, to their computer screen,” and said putting a stop to bullying was a responsibility shared by everyone. Like most schools, Parker sees technology-related bullying as the most difficult form of bullying to handle. Mr. Paul Barsky, Head of the Upper School, noted, “Technology has progressed at a pace with which we are wrestling to keep up with.” If students are found to be bullying online, or misusing technology in any other way, then they will be told to take down or delete it and act appropriately. Cyber bullying is the use of the Internet, mobile phones, or other social technologies to humiliate, harass, or threaten a victim. There are two kinds of cyber

Rumor Has It... By Sara Linssen and Michael Schreiner

Comparisons l o o h c S Tri- At Parker, we often compare our school

to The Bishop’s School and La Jolla Country Day School, the two schools we view as both our contemporaries and rivals. In most comparisons, the schools match up nearly identically; however, the schools vary greatly in their disciplinary methods. Both Bishop’s and LJCD utilize groups of students, teachers, and administrators to evaluate each disciplinary case and determine an appropriate punishment. The groups, called the “Disciplinary Committee” at Bishop’s and the “Ethics Council” at LJCD, act as juries, naming the terms of punishments after hearing from school officials and the student(s) involved. Bishop’s students must appear before the “Disciplinary Committee” if they are caught off campus without permission, cut class multiple times, or receive four or more tardies. The LJCD handbook says students are referred to the Ethics Council for “plagiarism, lying and conduct unbecoming of a Country Day student.”

Final Days Over the past few weeks, there have been many rumors about what the final schedule will be this year. This year, finals will begin June 9 and go through June 15. On June 16, teachers will meet for a final class to go over their finals and hand back graded assessments if the tests are ready. This will give teachers an opportunity to bring their classes to a close instead of simply ending the year with a test. This arrangement would also quell student complaints about never seeing their final tests. June 17 is being looked at as a possible date for an Honors Assembly for the current 9th-11th graders, eliminating the Fall Honors Assembly, which is irrelevant for the incoming freshmen. The order of subjects for finals hasn’t been officially decided yet and is still a topic under discussion.

terimEvery year, winter athletes lament that Inthey are not allowed to take part in the global trips that Park-

er offers. Lament no more! It is very likely that next year Interim will take place the week before Spring Break, or the week of March 26th. If the administration decides to make this change, Interim Week will move each year, bouncing between Mid-Winter Break and Spring Break. The only problem with this change is the effect on various trips. For example, weather in China will be more receptive in March, but Silliman University, the school Parker students visit in the Philippines, will be closed during that time period. Despite setbacks in current global trips, the school is looking at adding more one-week trip options after receiving positive feedback on this year’s Guatemala trip. Studets appreciated the opportunity to travel and enjoy a break from school.

APRIL 2011



Check Out This “Situation” Just over twenty years ago, MTV’s first reality show, The Real World, aired for the first time on television. Since then, reality television has come a long way from the days of the simple, primitive shows of the early 90’s. MTV’s Jersey Shore, now in its third season, takes The Real World’s famous party scene and outrageous behavior to a whole new level. Jersey Shore takes eight cast members from the Northeastern seaboard and puts them into a house together where hilarity ensues. Their antics are so outlandish that you simply cannot turn away. The show can be scoffed at because of the cast members’ ridiculous behavior; however these behaviors do exist, and therefore there is no harm in enjoying the sinful reality TV. Jersey Shore has become increasingly popular because it is one of the only shows on television that shows such outrageous behavior. In fact, the show’s intro features a quote from one cast member saying, “After I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.” From the moment I started watching, I’ve never lost interest. The show never fails to entertain; however the viewer almost begins to feel sympathetic toward the cast members. And even if you do have enough courage to try to stop watching, the suspense of the next Sammi and Ronnie fight or what is happening during Sunday dinner will keep you coming back for more Jersey Shore. The cast is the laughingstock of modern television, and most of what the cast does should not be taken seriously. But in a way, it is so embarrassing and obscene that you cannot turn your head



away. It is understandable that some people believe that the show is too ridiculous and crude to be a suitable television show. There are many parts that can be seen as an unrealistic portrayal of life. For example, in one episode, the female cast member Snooki was assaulted by a man at a bar. The incident was originally milked by MTV producers over and over before they received multiple complaints from viewers. As a result, MTV was no longer able to show the actual footage of the assault. Other incidents that received complaints involved fights between certain cast members and the frequent one night stands between cast members and other people at the shore. There have recently been several controversies involving incidents similar to these, including a current lawsuit against the Jersey Shore. Prosecutors say that Jersey Shore is showing and profiting off of fights that were deliberately started by the cast members. Another controversy involves the use of the word “guido.” The Italian-American community feels that the word is in some ways a racial slur and many people on the East Coast feel that the word has negative connotations. The word is meant to mean an Italian-American with a certain style and attitude. The president of UNICO, The Italian-American organization, says, “"It's a derogatory comment. It's a pejorative word to depict an uncool Italian who tries to act cool." But the Jersey Shore cast members do not see the word as negative. In fact, they proudly call themselves “guidos” or “guidettes”. Mike “The Situation” Sor-

By Ben Peters

rentino says that the word “guido” is just made to represent “a good looking Italian guy.” Regardless of whether you like the show or whether you think it is ridiculous, the way the cast members act is a part of our culture that we can’t deny. Some may think that Jersey Shore is not realistic, and that cast members on the show should be out making a positive impact in the world instead of drinking and fighting with one another. But the truth is that there is a significant portion of us who act like Jersey Shore cast members on a regular basis. Their existence is defined by their appearance and what they do between the hours of 6 pm to 5 am, which resembles some Americans’ lifestyles. The show can even be viewed as a mirror to the absurdity of our generation. If these people want to get drunk and make fools of themselves in front of a national audience every Thursday night, then why can’t we watch it all unfold? We can still live our lives, but at the same time live vicariously through them. So next time you have a little extra time, try recording Jersey Shore. It won’t be long before you are engrossed in the action, the fights, the drunken hookups, and the overall chaos that occurs. Why deny that this part of culture exists when it is all around us? Why watch a sitcom or a cartoon when you can watch reality television? The hair gel, fake tans, and fist pumping that many laugh at is a big part of some of these people’s lives. But I will admit, it is a little stupid.

MOVIE SEQUELS ...that fall flat By Molly Morrison

Sitting in the movie theater, the credits begin to roll and before you even get out of your seat, you know that there’s going to be a sequel. Even if you can guess what’s going to happen and you know it’s going to be bad, you’ll still pay $11.50 to go see it. Hollywood keeps creating movie sequels and series to keep audiences paying and interested. But more often than not, the sequel is extremely disappointing or just downright awful. Here’s The Scribe’s look at the worst sequels ever.


This prequel came after the first movie, Dumb and Dumber. Overall, this movie covered how the two idiots became friends and uncovered awkward stories about their high school principal. Although it was not funny in the slightest, it did manage to make me feel extremely uncomfortable.


In this sequel, the town in which the original film is set is trying to make a financial comeback from all the money it lost during the previous attacks. It is soon discovered, however, that there is another killer white shark on the loose. To sum it up, it was a lot of scary music and red food coloring in the water.


No one, including the original cast, could recreate the one-liners and originality of Mean Girls. But to make things worse, the actresses were all Disney Stars whose shows never really took off, including, Maiara Walsh who played Meena Paroom from Cory in the House and Melanie Mayron who was in Camp Rock. Let’s just say that this movie is so NOT fetch.


The first one was awesome, but was ruined with the follow up of Caddyshack 2 . These two hours consist of the golf course being turned into a tacky amusement park and a bunch of rich billionaires fighting over rights to women and the golf course. The Scribe gives this film a triple bogey. APRIL 2011


Read It. Watch It. Love It. Ditch the SparkNotes and stay awake: These books and movies are worth your attention

Read in World Literature


Zadie Smith’s debut novel peers into the world of northwest London. The ethnic and cultural diversity of the city affects each of the characters differently. Smith’s description of growing up multiracial in England’s capital city is both riveting and enlightening.

Charles Dickens’ harrowing tale of life during the French Revolution remains a favorite amongst Parker students. The novel includes guillotines, the storming of the Bastille, and Sidney Carton’s immortal last words: “It is a far, far better thing that I do now, than I have ever done before; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel describing the events of Nick Carraway’s life following World War I provides readers with a look at the world of the Lost Generation. The extravagent parties, speeding cars, and police chases provide an escape from the stress and pressures of junior year.

Watch in Social Justice

This film, directed by the Coen brothers and starring George Clooney, tells the story of three convicts who escape from a Mississippi chain gang. The men race against the clock to retrieve a buried fortune. Along the way they meet governors, Klansmen, and bank robbers, making for an exciting portrayal of Depression-era America.

Based off of the novel of the same name, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest shows the inside of a psych ward in the early 1960s. Starring Jack Nicholson and Louise Fletcher, the film follows the patients as they attempt to combat their respective illnesses while clashing with the evil Nurse Ratched.

This gritty portrayal of the Vietnam War is directed by Stanley Kubrick and stars Matthew Modine and Vincent D’Onofrio. The film shows U.S. Marines in basic training and in the Tet Offensive. The world of Full Metal Jacket is full of violence and pessimism, but it portrays a perspective on the war that is often left unsaid.




Watch in Rhetoric

This film, though not for the faint of heart, tells the incredible story of the diamond industry in Sierra Leone. Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Connelly, and Djimon Hounsou, the movie follows the actions of two men as they travel through the war torn country in an attempt to find a rare pink diamond before the rebel army does.

Watch in American Literature

Read in 11th grade English

Mark Mathabane provides an in-depth look into life in Alexandra, South Africa during the time of apartheid. His autobiographical tale of the danger of living in a black township gives the reader a true understanding of the horrors and discrimination of apartheid and its effects on everyone involved.

Read in 12th grade English

Read in World Literature

By Kaity Wilson

Watch in American History

The Best American Remakes of

Foreign Films

By Marisa Canepa

Whenever a foreign film is remade for American audiences, this popular question echoes throughout the newspapers, magazines, and the Internet: “Has Hollywood just run out of ideas?” This is certainly a valid point, but some remakes are actually good. Some not only honor the source material, but occasionally surpass it. Here’s a look at the best American remakes of foreign films.

Foreign: Insomnia Remake: Insomnia Insomnia is about a police detective investigating a murder in a town located above the Arctic Circle. The investigation goes horribly wrong when he mistakenly shoots his partner and subsequently attempts to cover up his crime. This 1997 film manages to keep the spirit of the Norwegian original, while softening the plot a bit. This could have been a disaster, but Christopher Nolan effortlessly pulls it off.

Foreign: The Italian Job Remake: The Italian Job

Foreign: Ringu Remake: The Ring Due to its success, The Ring started a trend of remaking just about every Japanese horror film. Sure, most of them aren’t the best, but the one that started it all is great. Gore Verbinski’s remake of Ringu is a taut, scary thriller that, for the most part, follows the original film note for note.

Foreign: Infernal Affairs Remake: The Departed The original film is actually three separate movies that tore up the Hong Kong box office in 2002-2003. It’s easy to see why American Director Martin Scorsese fell in love with these films. He filled his version with scene-stealing performances by Alec Baldwin, Jack Nicholson and favored son Leonardo Dicaprio.

The Italian Job was an excellent but significantly altered version of the 1969 British original. The plot and characters are very different, turning the American film into an homage more than a shot-for-shot redux. The action scenes are fast and frenetic, featuring the kinds of high speed car chases that just couldn’t have been done in the 60s.

Foreign: Profumo di Donna Remake: Scent of a Woman This film launched the career of Philip Seymour Hoffman and helped give Al Pacino his only Oscar nod. Much like its Italian predecessor, the film tells the story of a retired and blind military man who faces his own weaknesses. He ultimately trades life lessons with his young assistant, played by Chris O’Donnell.

APRIL 2011




Players To Watch This Spring By Cameron Songer

Nik Marino ’11-He is the reigning Coastal League Player of the Year and team MVP. He will play his fourth year of Varsity tennis at Parker before moving on to play for Claremont McKenna next year. Aaron Meltzer’12- He is ranked in the top 50 in California according to

Nik Marino prepares a backhand shot.

Drew O’Connor ’11- He was named to the Coastal South League First Team and had the secondlowest scoring average on last year’s talented team. Michael Schreiner ’11- The captain had the team’s lowest score in CIF playoffs last year and led the team in rounds under par.

Alex Klein ’11- A senior captain, the 6’5” middle blocker has years of varsity and club experience under his belt. Bryce Fitzner ’13- The 6’ 7” middle blocker earned significant playing time as a freshman on a team stacked with seniors last year. Maya Jackson ’13- Her 13.83-second time in the 100m is one of the conference’s fastest returning times from last year. Tara Shockley ’12- In the spring, she uses her jumping muscles from cheer to be one of the best Triple Jumpers in the conference.

Duncan Tomlin runs past the competition.

Alex Klein serves to start a rally.

Roland Jackson ’11- The sprint specialist advanced to the CIF San Diego Prelims in both the 200m and the Long Jump. Duncan Tomlin ’12- He set a school record last year by running the 3200m in ten minutes flat. Gordie Silver ’12- He advanced to the CIF San Diego Prelims in Shot Put and tossed 40’3” as a sophomore.

Ben Piaquadio ’11- The 5’6” attacker is a force on the field. He was 2nd on last year’s team in goals. Warren Brody ’11- He plays quarterback for the football team in the fall, and he led the lacrosse team in goals and assists last year. Maddie Thurman ’11- The co-captain plays midfield and won team MVP last year. Jenny Asmann ’11- The other co-captain is an inspiration to other midfielders and hopes to continue her career in college next year. Ben Piaquadio looks for a shot.

Kendall Lindley ’11- The team’s ace pitcher is also a force at the plate and led the team in extrabase hits last year. He will will continue his career at SDSU next year. Kyle Dowdy ’11- The senior was one of the team’s leaders in batting average last year and also earned six wins on the mound.

Maddie Tomey tries to throw out a runner. Photos courtesy of



Maddie Tomey ’11- One of two seniors on this year’s team, she won team MVP last year after leading the team in batting average and runs batted in (RBI). Kate Kidd ’11- She has played third base for the past three years and played a key role in two CIF titles. Jackie Buechler ’13- She pitched most of the team’s innings last year and earned 13 wins.

A Numbers Game

The Scribe investigates the limited nature of Parker’s sports offerings By Colin Grey

At Parker, we have many successful JV and varsity sports, but there are some sports Parker lacks, raising the question: “Why not?” “When people come to me about adding sports,” says Athletic Director Dan Kuiper, “my response is ‘show me the numbers.’” At a small school such as Parker, we are very limited in our numbers as far as a student body; therefore, the athletic program can only offer sports for which there is enough demand. Many Parker sports have had great success through the years. The Lancers Boys’ volleyball team won their eleventh straight CIF Championship in 2010. Girls’ volleyball has won a total of six CIF State Championships, and played in a record 22 CIF-San Diego Section Championship games and won 18 of those games. Additionally, the Parker football team has played in six of the last eight CIF-San Diego Section Championship, winning three, and also played in the 2009 SmallSchool CIF State Championship. But some students feel that Parker does not have the full range of sports that the athletic program should offer. “I tried, along with a few other students, to start a Parker equestrian team,” said sophomore Lexie Smallwood, “but the team was never started.” There are also those who know they would play a sport if Parker offered that sport, but are not willing to start a team themselves. “I would play

field hockey if Parker had a team,” said sophomore Marissa Young. There are also the few students who have gone to the extreme and left Parker for a bigger school because that school offers a sport not offered at Parker. What most students at Parker do not realize is that if a sport were to be added, other sports in the respective season would be negatively impacted. “If you were to add a sport to an already full season of athletics,” says Coach Kuiper, “the response is what are you going to take away?”

room, and Parker had a wrestling team. Parker dropped wrestling after only a couple of years because of a lack of athletes interested in the sport, but was started again a few years later. Once again, Parker did not have the number of students required to fill all the weight classes at wrestling meets, and despite the team sending an individual to the CIF State Championships, the team was disbanded after three years and was never reinstituted. Throughout the years, students have proposed to add new sports to the program at Parker, but the athletic department has discarded most of these ideas. Students who have been turned away often do not see the reasoning behind the decision to reject petitions to add new sports. “The idea to add aquatic sports has been brought to me a couple of times,” said Coach Kuiper. “I have nothing against aquatics, I think aquatics are great, but Parker can’t support aquatic sports because Parker doesn’t have a pool and there are not enough students to participate in these sports.” Parker has a tradition of success in athletics, and the athletic department is not willing to sacrifice the success of other teams to start a sport that may or may not even have enough people to operate. “As a school we either do it right or don’t do it at all,” said Coach Kuiper.

As a school we either do it right or don’t do it at all. -Dan Kuiper

When lacrosse was added for boys and girls in 2003, many of the pre-existing spring season sports on campus were adversely affected. The addition of lacrosse caused the discontinuation of JV baseball, JV softball, and JV boys’ tennis in the spring athletics season. To this day, the softball and boys’ tennis teams have not been able to put together a junior varsity team, and baseball struggles to field a large enough JV team every year. “Our goal is to be competitive in the sports we play,” says Coach Kuiper, “and we can’t compete for championships if we don’t have the numbers to fill the teams.” In the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, what is now the weight room was the wrestling

Sports Parker Does Not Offer Boys Water Polo (Fall) Field Hockey (Fall) Equestrian (Fall) Skiing/Snowboarding (Winter)

Roller Hockey (Winter) Rugby (Winter) Girls’ Water Polo (Winter) Wrestling (Winter)

Badminton (Spring) Swim (Spring) Diving (Spring) Gymnastics (Spring)

APRIL 2011



SENIOR Bucket List 16 things to do before you graduate

Compiled by The Scribe seniors

















1. Make the shot in Ms. O’s room 2. Have a High School Musical moment 3. Watch T.V. at school 4. Have an off-campus picnic lunch in the quad 5. Talk to Dr. Wilson about your feelings 6. Tag an underclassman’s car 7. Answer your phone in class 8. Have a water or food fight at school 20


9. Start a slow clap at an assembly 10. Go to a spring sport’s game (like golf) 11. Scare or prank your teacher 12. Attend a class you aren’t in 13.Have lunch with Mr. Barsky 14. Skip detention 15. Leave a permanent mark on campus 16. Be in the Talent Show



Things That Need To Come Back

In our short fourteen to eighteen years of existence, our generation has been introduced to major advancements in technology, such as the DVD, the iPod, and the smartphone. However, when a new technology or advancement is created, the decline and disappearance of another usually follows. The DVD replaced the VHS, the iPod replaced the CD player, and the smartphone replaced the landline. Unfortunately, not all replacements are beneficial and the lost item is often missed. Quite frankly, this is not okay. The Scribe has conducted an in-depth investigation and has compiled a list of things that have prematurely disappeared as time has progressed.


At Parker

1. The after-school snack bar 2. The “Island” and the “Circle”

3. Max, Mrs. Shapiro’s dog


4. Desserts every day in the cafeteria 5. Gray, green plaid, and red plaid uniform skirts 6. Pet Day

7. Chocolate milk in the cafeteria 8. “Do the Right Thing” in the announcements 9. Chicken O’s/ Chicken Dinos and Crispitos for lunch

By Sloan Christopher


10. The Taco Bell dog 11. Bubble Tape bubble gum 12. Tamagotchis

13. Boomboxes

14. Playing outside at a friend’s house 15. Light-up shoes 16. Lisa Frank and Paul Frank 17. Getting mail that isn’t from colleges

18. Flip


19. Getting a lollipop after a doctor’s appointment 20. Using your home phone to make plans with friends 21. Conversations that end without a “that’s what she said”

22. Bill Nye the Science Guy 23. Handles on paper grocery bags 24. When ‘making friends’ referred to actually meeting people, not stalking them on Facebook 25. Waking up early to watch cartoons on weekends APRIL 2011


Not so Lazy Sunday... By Grace Paluch For most Parker students, Sunday is known as the homework day. We sleep in, eat a little brunch, watch TV, then start our load of work. We dedicate Sunday to homework so often that on the rare occasion we’re free, we don’t know what to do. But there’s no need to just sit at home and veg; there are loads of places to go and things to do on a Sunday.

Places to Munch

Zanzibar Cafe- La Jolla, Downtown

Zanzibar Cafe does it all. They serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner, featuring eggs, pancakes, cereal and more for breakfast; sandwiches, pizza, and salads for lunch; and burgers, steak, and spaghetti for dinner. The service and atmosphere of the cafe are just as great as the food. Whoever you go with, you will not be disappointed.

Ciro’s Pizza- Gaslamp


Not only does Ciro’s serve 16 specialty pizzas, but they also serve salads, pastas, and desserts. Ciro’s is a great place to bring a group of friends to hang out, eat, and have a lot of fun. And if you’re not in the mood for a drive, Ciro’s Pizza delivers! So now there is no excuse not to grab a slice and enjoy.

Places to Shop La Jolla’s Girard Street

Girard Street in La Jolla is my favorite place to shop. There are so many cute stores where you can find all sorts of clothing and jewelry. Going to Girard Street takes a while, though, because there is so much to see and shop for! You could spend hours in a single boutique like LF. The only downside of La Jolla is that parking can be tricky and some of the shops are a little pricey, but the 15 minutes of circling is worth it.


Places to Hang

Much like Girard Street, Newport Street is filled with little boutiques and other shops. There are all types of stores, from casual beach wear to fancy dresses and heels. Along with clothing stores, Newport also has many amazing restaurants to, including the OB Smoothie Shop. Newport Street goes right up to the beach, so you can enjoy the view while you shop.

La Jolla Shores

We live in America’s finest city, so why not take advantage of one of its greatest assets: the beach! Bring a friend and some sunscreen and head down to La Jolla Shores. You can lay on the sand or grass, or walk down and dip your feet in the water. After you feel nice and relaxed, wander around La Jolla and get some frozen yogurt or other yummy treats.

Old Town Heritage Park


The Heritage Park in Old Town is a great place to go hang out and relax or catch up on some last-minute English reading. Grab a blanket and a pair of sunglasses and lay on the grass lawn or under the shade of the nearby trees. You can explore the Victorian buildings of the village or take a five minute walk into the heart of Old Town and grab some lunch or dinner.



OB’s Newport Street

quad rants I want the Easter Bunny to bring me...



Thomas whatever I Marshall gave up for Lent.

Kaitlin Garza

cowboy boots.

Savannah Benes a hip-hop CD. Junior

Get it?

Sean Gruen

Which animal would you keep as a pet?

April Showers bring...

childhood obesity.

An opposum




You April Showers...?

those chocolate malted eggs.

What do What would you never your leave home patronus be? without?

I read an article from Even though I super powers, National Geo- was told what or Jack Bauers. graphic about this is, I still domesticated have no idea. animals once.

love and affection.

Mrs. Cherie Redelings Staff

Compiled by Kasey Hutcheson

soggy textbooks.

A dragon

Puss in Boots from Shrek

A party animal

A lion and tiger hybrid... so a liger?

Wonder Woman

My satchel


I am addicted to...

the TV show 24.

Andrew VanwynGarden.

My flippy floppies


My glasses

being sexy. I’m sorry ladies, I know it’s a lot sometimes.

A scarf


Separ ated a t

Kate Kidd



Picture of Francis Parker student from 1918 APRIL 2011










Hot Making Animal Noises While Excercising Looking for a way to pick up women? Head to your local gym and test out your knowledge of the animal kingdom. Grunt, moan, howl and yelp, in order to preserve your role as king of the jungle...RAWR!!

By Jake Siegler, R.B. Ganon, and David Nussbaum Heelys “ They see me rollin, in Heelys...” For all those who can’t drive, Heelys are the coolest and most convenient, way to get around. Sorry North County kids, life isn’t fair, see you on the I-5. Available in black, grey, white and red, sizes 8 and below.

Pollution We all know global warming is a government conspiracy created to send the world into a stage of terror and fret. Lately, pollution is the coolest way to gain popularity among your peers. At the end of the day, who really cares about our great-grandkids? They’ll get over it. Hopefully.


Awkward Public Encounters Ya know, that cute girl that waves and winks as you leave the bathroom. Too bad that never happens, it’s normally an old, lonely man who just wants someone to love.

Fruit Scented Perfume on Men Mango, papaya, boysenberry, dragonfruit, lychees... c’mon guys, girls don’t want you smelling like the produce section at Vons. Rub some dirt on yourself and watch Rambo.

Storytoppers That lame guy in the back of the class that constantly feels the need to top other peoples stories. “ I went skydiving over Niagara Falls.” “ Oh that’s cool I flew up to Mars on my brother’s homemade space shuttle.” Please shut up dude, we all know you don’t have a brother.

Trendy Facebook Stalking The hippest way to snag a few looks at an attractive female without talking to them in person. Guys, we all do it, don’t lie. Three hundred forty seven pictures later, and you have found true love. <3

Boating Shoes Living in California, it’s very common to meet someone who sails, and for those of you who don’t sail, purchase a pair of Sperry’s boating shoes to look the part!

Putting Your Child on a Leash Convenient: You can walk him/her right next to your dog. Comfortable: Strap him/her to your hips for easy transportation. Classy: Assert your dominance.

APRIL 2011



Inspiring Superiority Since 1912 Do the right thing! Monday, February 4th, 2091


Menu Vat-grown, cultured, hormone-free chicken in a lemon herb sauce, hydroponic greens, and scrambled egg product General Attention! All students interested in going on the interim time travel trip back to the American Civil War, please meet in room 989 at 11:30. Remember to bring your DNA sample and passport. Students are NOT allowed to park hovercrafts in the faculty parking lot! Whoever is telecommunicating with the headmaster, please stop or be prepared to attend Saturday school. It’s that time again! Spirit week is here and this year’s theme is BLAST FROM THE PAST. Each day this week will have a different costume theme. Monday: Dig out your skinny jeans, neons, and ugg boots! Dress like your favorite decade from the last hundred years. Tuesday: Parker power day: come in your school colors and show your Parker spirit in turquoise and silver! Wednesday: Dress like your favorite singer or actor from the past century. Note: all Lady Gaga costumes must be vegetarian and cover an appropriate amount of the body. Thursday: Grab your year 2000 glasses because we will be recreating the change of the millennium this Thursday! Join us on the Lancer Lawn at 11:15 for fireworks and festivities. Friday: Wear your class colors! Please stop teleporting off campus during school hours. There will be consequences for those involved. Due to legal issues and parent complaints, laser shock treatment for first time dress code violations is hereby prohibited. Skirts cannot be higher than eight inches above the knee. Boys, that goes for you too. Clubs There is a Shakespeare club meeting today in Mr. Fickling’s room at 11:15. Ford motors is hosting a young scholars essay contest. Please submit your typed essay to the college counseling office by April 15th. The topic is “predict what you think the world will look like in fifty years.” Two finalists will receive grants of $100,000 and the grand prize winner will receive an all expenses paid trip to the international space station. Good luck! The film history club is meeting this Wednesday to study the primitive 3D technique and special effects of movies such as the Harry Potter series and Avatar. New members welcome. Congratulations to our Science Club for discovering the cure for diabetes and multiple sclerosis! Sports All boys interested in playing basketball please meet in the zero gravity gym at 2:30 sharp.



How to ail a Test We all know that Parker students have a lot on their plates, but honestly these test answers make it seem like we have been doing nothing for the past twelve years. The only thing missing is a Charlie Sheen WINNING reference. See if you can answer these questions better than the bright students at By Katie Volker our very own Francis W. Parker School (and yes, these are real answers). 1. Find the volume and surface area of the right cylinder.

2. Name a complimentary angle to BDC:

4 6 Answer: Omg Sushi!!

3. If I had one hour to live... Answer: I would spend it in this class because it feels like eternity. 4. What type of attractive force or bond holds the sodium ions and chloride ions together in a crystal of sodium chloride?

Answer: James Bond. 5. Briefly explain what hard water is. Answer: Ice. 6. Write the first and second laws of thermodynamics. Answer: First rule of thermodynamics is you do not talk about thermodynamics. Second rule of thermodynamics is you do not talk about thermodynamics. 7. Does the object continue to move after it comes to rest? Answer:

No because there is an elephant in the way. 8. Explain the origins of California. Answer: In the beginning, when God created the world, California was just one big coast.

APRIL 2011



Excuse Me.

Didn’t do your homework again? We have all been there, but what are you going to do about it? If it’s still early in the year an excuse will work fine, but once you have blown through every excuse in the book you’re a little stuck. This is where we Scribblers step in; we have compiled the best ways to make your teachers think you did an assignment that you haven’t even looked at. We also added a few excuses you likely haven’t thought of yet. Enjoy (teachers, this is your cue to STOP reading)! The writer of this article will remain anonymous for purposes of academic security.

The Switcheroo Level of difficulty: One Preperation time: 2 minutes

Step one: Print an essay that you wrote for another class. Step two: Act flustered when you first walk into class. Step three: Turn the wrong essay in.

Shooting Blanks Level of difficulty: Two Preperation time: 15 minutes

Step one: Tell your teacher during class that you emailed your essay. Step two: Compose an email. You can write a nice note on the email if you would like to put in a little extra effort. Step three: You can go in a few different directions from here: 1. Attach a blank document. 2. Don’t attach anything. 3. Change the font to Wingdings and make the document a read only. 4. Attach a document that reads “error 387: this document is defected.” 5. Save the document as a webpage, so it can’t be opened.

The Fake Out

Level of difficulty: Three Preperation time: 30-90 minutes

Step one: Write a portion of the assigned essay. If it is a three-page essay write a page and a quarter. Step two: Staple the typed pages and as many blank pages necessary for the essay to look complete. Step three: Rip the blank pages high enough so you wouldn’t see any text and the partial page so it looks like it was supposed to be much longer. Step four: Crumple the back pages for a more realistic look.

The Mental Health Day Level of difficulty: Four Preperation time: Depends on creativity

For some this is easy, but for others it takes a lot of convincing. If your parents aren’t savy on “the mental health day” you can think of different ways to fake sick (google is a big help). 16

And when there’s no time at all.. 1. The traffic was horrible. 2. My dog ate my homework is so third grade! Say it was a snail. (It even happened to Madeline Peeling.) 3. CAR FIRE! 4. I had a rare 48-hour disease that disabled my ability to type. 5. I could not complete the assignment because it was against my religous beliefs. 6. I’m deathly ill, me being here is just a figment of your imagination. 7. I got hit in the eye while the senior boys were playing butts up at lunch. I was temporarily blinded. 8. I drank too many lattes then focused on color-coding my closet. Caffine reaction? I think so. 9. My cat went into labor. 10. I tried to jailbreak my computer, and let’s just say it didn’t go well. My criminal record is no longer clean and well I couldn’t do my homework from jail.


Leading by Example Professional athletes show the rest of us the correct way to behave By Evan Fitzner Every professional athlete has an obligation to act as a role model. Whether these athletes like it or not, young people will imitate their actions, no matter how inappropriate they might be. With so many children watching these athletes, it is the responsibility of all professional athletes to act honorably and conduct themselves in an exemplorary way. Although there are many athletes that remain unable to live up to these expectations, there are some that have been able to act the way a role model should. Below is a list of athletes that have been able to accomplish this.

NBA superstar Kobe Bryant has been a great role model for children on and off the court. Off the court he has been accused of sexual assault, but showed kids the value of a good lawyer when he was acquitted. On the court, Kobe’s great desire to pass the ball to his teammates teaches children the value of sharing.

Professional golfer Tiger Woods had an affair with not one, not two, but fifteen different women. He really demonstrated his commitment to his sponser’s adage “Just do it.”

NBA basketball player Allen Iverson’s record speaks for itself. In 1997, he was caught speeding with a concealed weapon. Then in 2000, he recorded a rap single with controversial lyrics. In 2002, he threw his wife out into the street after a fight, and in 2006, he got into trouble with the Sixers organization. He was finally suspended for missing practice and failing to notify the team he was going to miss a game due to illness. You may ask how many members of the Cincinnati Bengals football team have a criminal record, but a better question would be how many don’t. The front office recently declared that every member of the organization is required to have at least one misdemeanor, so start breaking the law, kids!

MLB player Barry Bonds is famous for treating teammates, fans, and members of the media like garbage. He also demonstrated his commitment to his sport when he tested positive for steroid abuse. He taught kids around the world that by using steroids, setting world records is possible. Boxer Mike Tyson is every kid’s favorite bi-polar boxer. He set a great example in a fight against Evander Holyfield when Tyson bit Holyfield’s ear off in 1997. This helped him to gain the competitive edge over Holyfield because Holyfield could not hear him coming. Tyson is now a professional pigeon racer. NFL quarterback Michael Vick recently received the key to the city of Dallas for his incredible actions on the field. Most notably, he financed multiple dog fighting rings, killed dogs who lost fights, and lied numerous times about it all before he went to jail.

Olympic ice skater Tonya Harding taught children about the value of a competitive spirit when she hired a hit man in 1994 to club her rival skater Nancy Kerrigan before their competition. She learned to channel her anger by continuing her career as a boxer.

APRIL 2011



ESPN 8 By R.B. Ganon


"If it's almost a sport, we’ve got it here"

Shin Kicking


Shin kicking originated in England and is actually quite simple: the two participants put their arms on each-others shoulders and then try to kick the shins of or knock their opponent to the floor. These guys are tough as nails and have kicks strong enough take out the legs from underneath their opponent but don’t worry they’re taking the necessary safety precautions, players use hay as shin guards and we all know how protective hay is… Shin kicking is England’s version of MMA, only without the dragon sunglasses and Tapout T-shirts. These guys take it back to the roots, no octogon-shaped ring, no obnoxious announcers, just too much testosterone and free time.


Bossaball is mostly played in Brazil, although courts can be found in places all over the world. In short, Bossaball is volleyball, just way better because it’s played on inflatable trampolines and incorporate elements of soccer, gymnastics and the Brazilian martial art Capoeira. To top it off the referees not only make sure the game is fair and fun but also provide the soundtrack by playing samba, a Brazilian drum-based genre that is exciting and fast paced. Bossaball is an excellent example of the basic fact that some sports just need a little influence from extreme sports to make the better. Honestly, just imagine Tiger hitting a tee-shot while approaching the ball at 60 mph on the back of a motorbike. Now that is something that might make golf watchable.


Skibobbing Skibobbing, now spreading in America, originated in the Swiss Alps. It is a sport where the contestants use a bike that has skis on it to race down hills at break neck speeds. As there is absolutely no way to brake or stop, Skibobbing is easily one of the most dangerous sports out there. Skibobbing is the perfect sport for all those out there with a death wish, or for whoever has an IQ of three and thinks it looks like a lot of fun. Skibobbing is the sport for those who love skiing but need an extra danger added into the mix to give them that adrenaline rush before running into a tree or going off an abnormally large jump.

3 14



By Michael Schreiner

wWhen you are bored, what do you do? Well, whatever you said, I have a better idea: prank calls. Prank calls are a great way to waste not only your time but also the time of a random stranger. So the next time you find yourself wanting to amuse yourself, just grab a phone, block your number and have some anonymous fun. Here is an authentic prank call made to the Sarita’s Taco Shop in Chula Vista. The caller is attempting to order some pasta, leaving the Taco Shop in serious confusion.

Sarita’s Taco Shop, Chula Vista Caller: Hi, I’d like to order something to pick up please. STS: Yes? C: Could I please get a bean and cheese burrito… STS: Okay, bean and cheese burrito. C: …a plain quesadilla… STS: Just a quesadilla, okay. C: Yeah, and then for me, could I just get a spaghetti and meatball please? STS: (laughing) We don’t sell spaghetti and meatballs C: Uhh…what? STS: We don’t have spaghetti and meatballs. C: You don’t have spaghetti and meatballs?! STS: No! C: But…there’s no…you don’t have any spaghetti in there? I mean meat sauce would be fine. Even alfredo would be. I just really want some pasta tonight. STS: Umm…this is actually a taco shop. C: I understand, but you’re a restaurant. So you have food and what the customer wants he should be able to get. I mean, that’s how business works. But… STS: (laughing) Hold on, let me ask. C: Okay, that would be great. STS: Let me ask. (yelling to other workers in the resaurant) Tenemos spaghetti y meatballs? (Pause) STS: Hello?

C: Yes? STS: Yeah, there’s no spaghetti and meatballs. C: There’s no spaghetti anywhere in the restaurant? STS: Nope. C; No way. STS: Yes way. C: Is there anything you could do? Like could you run to a store real quick? Because I’m sorry, just tonight I really want spaghetti. STS: Well then you’ll have to call an Italian restaurant, because this is a taco shop. C: Okay, but my wife loves your restaurant. She’s the one ordering the burrito, and I just want some spaghetti. STS: Well, sir, I don’t know what you want me to do. C: GoshDarn It! I just need spaghetti! Please, I’m trying to be calm but how do you not serve a customer?! How do you not have spaghetti?! STS: We don’t. C: You don’t have any? STS: I know. C: Shouldn’t you be able to do something? I’ll pay you! I’ll pay you whatever you want; I just really want some spaghetti, please. STS: I can’t leave my store to go get you spaghetti. C: You can? You can leave your store? STS: I can’t leave the register to for you to get spaghetti. C: Oh, you can’t. Even for a paying

customer. STS: Sir, I cant help you out. I have to go. C: Get some spaghetti. (STS hangs up, call ends)

Other fun prank call ideas: - Call a restaurant and begin to order. Then, call another resteraunt from the same phone. Merge the calls, so the two resteraunts are speaking to each other. - Call a restaurant around closing time, and every time the employee says that they cannot serve you because they are closed, order something more. - When ordering food, repeatedly add and subtract orders of the same dish.

APRIL 2011



Be Careful What You Tweet The Scribble uncovers some of your juiciest tweets. Remember, what’s online doesn’t only stay online. By Kaity Wilson







By Sloan Christopher


In a high school full of overachievers, eccentric teachers, and gourmet lunches, Sloan Christopher and the rest of The Scribe staff try to do the impossible: create a guide that will help you survive school. The opposite sex does not find you attractive Situation: It’s time to face the music and admit it to yourself: You’re ugly. Girls scream when you walk down the halls, and guys simply turn the other way when they see you coming. Whether you are a victim of unfortunate genetic coupling or a cruel joke by your parents, there’s no getting around your unlucky looks. Solution: You’re on your own, kid.

You flatulate in class, but you don’t want people to know it was you

For clarification purposes, this situation only applies to boys. After all, it is physically impossible for girls to flatulate. Duh.

Situation: There are five minutes left in class and the room becomes eerily silent. You think you might just make it until all of the sudden you lose control and your flatulence escapes you. Everyone’ s looking around the room trying to figure out who did it. You have approximately 1.7 seconds before the girl in front of you figures out it was you, and you need to act fast. Solution: All right, there are two ways to handle this: the ‘CC’ and the ‘Warren Brody’. The ‘CC’, also referred to as the ‘Colin Christopher’, is a technique that should only be used by seasoned professionals and repeat offenders. This technique involves making flatulence noises in the back of class with the acquired skill of using only your hands. When you accidentally let one rip, quickly cover it up by making an orchestra of noises to go along with it. No one will ever know. The second and easier method is to pull a ‘Warren Brody’. This technique involves quickly and obnoxiously blaming the kid sitting closest to you. Works every time.

ds Situation: Eleven fifteen rolls around and your stomach instantly drops to your feet. rien no f You watch in envy as groups of students instantly start to pair off and head toward the have You cafeteria, leaving you alone in their wake. Whether you are mean, weird, or just plain awkward, you seem to have found yourself friendless in a world where you are defined by who you hang out with. Solution: Whether you are a boy or girl, hire a clan of scantily clad girls and take pictures with them purely for the purpose of posting them on Facebook. Next, request your entire grade to be friends with you and constantly update your status about how much fun you had with [insert names here from rival high school] this weekend. Once people think you have a social life, they will be begging to be your friend. After all, Facebook never lies. You could also bring some sort of dessert to school and flaunt it around campus. Parker students would sell their souls for food, so a simple friendship is an easy price to pay.

You are infatuated with a senior... and you are a freshman Situation: You are waiting patiently at your first Freshman Connection meeting when a senior who is strikingly similar to Leonardo DiCaprio circa Titanic walks up and introduces himself as your group leader. Within that instant, you fall madly in love with him. Unfortunately, he only has one year left on campus and you want to take your relationship to the next level before he graduates. Solution: Before you can actually talk to him, you need to refer to the Internet, obviously. After he accepts your friend request on Facebook, scroll through each of his profile pictures and find one where he looks especially attractive— if possible, one in which he’s with a current or ex-girlfriend. Next, take that picture and Photoshop yourself in: either place yourself by his side or replace the (ex) girlfriend. When the photo looks perfect, set it as your profile picture and change your relationship status to ‘in a relationship’. If you’re feeling extra gutsy, make your status something like, “OMG he loves me sooooooooo much! I’m the luckiest girl in the world <3”. By the next day, not only will he know your name, but he won’t be able to stop staring! Check you out, superstar!

APRIL 2011





ost people are exceedingly puzzled after watching Inception, so hopefully this article will help you to understand what is going on during the movie. In the beginning of the movie, after exiting each dream layer, Cobb and everyone else wake up smiling like nothing ever happened. Oh nevermind, that didn’t happen in the beginning. In the beginning of the movie, a wealthy Japanese man asks Dom Cobb, Leonardo DiCaprio, to perform inception, a process in which Cobb plants an idea in someone’s mind instead of extracting it on a business rival. The Japanese man says he wants Cobb to subconsciously enter his rival’s mind and tell him to shut down his company. Cobb agrees and decides to go into three dream layers, which means that he has a dream that he is dreaming of a dream. I forgot to mention that Dom Cobb enters people’s minds subconsciously to extract

special information while they are sleeping. In a regular extraction, if you die in a dream then you wake up; however, Cobb and his team are so lost in their dream states that their brains will just roam in nothingness for a few decades if they die. Also, each team member of Cobb carries a totem: it tells the characters if they are dreaming or if they are in real life. For example, Cobb’s totem is a top that spins forever in a dream, and topples over in real life. By entering three dream layers, Cobb manages to make Fischer, played by Cillian Murphy,

roam in nothingness when they die. Ariadne, played by Ellen Page, the teammate who enters limbo with Cobb, finds Fischer and brings him back to life while Cobb finds Saito w hen he is an old man and brings him back to the third dream. By the way, Cobb’s wife, Mal, played by Marion Cotillard, who committed suicide when she thought she was in a dream, continues to clog Cobb’s mind, and it is her who kills Fischer in the dream. Fischer’s subconscious mind tells his deeper subconscious mind to shutdown the company, . causing each person in the dream to get kicked out during synchronized wake ups. Saito gets his way because Fischer closes his company and Cobb feels happy because most people thought inception was impossible. Most people are exceedingly puzzled after watching Inception, so

Cobb agrees and decides to go into three dream layers, which means that he has a dream that he is dreaming of a dream

Leonardo DiCaprio

Dom Cobb

the business enemy, tell his own subconscious to close his company because his dead father told him to. Fischer ends up dying from Cobb’s subconsious. Along with Fischer, the rich Japanese man who accompanied them into the dream, Saito, played by Ken Watanabe, also dies. Cobb and one other team member enter limbo, the place where dreamer’s brains

Ellen Page Ariadne

By Walker Newton

Ken Watanabe Saito

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Arthur


First Day Jitters By Emily Heft and Claire Kim

It’s halfway through the school year, and the class of 2012 has a new addition who’s transferring from a different state. Today’s her first day, and she gets some interesting impressions as she navigates the halls. Take a look at our school through her eyes, and see why Bishop’s may start to sound (dare we say it?) appealing.

7:55 a.m.

I park between Matt Nussbaum, who is diagonally across two spaces, and a girl who introduces herself as Helen Ragen. She’s driving an ’09 BMW and I’m in a ‘99 Toyota... Awkwaaaard.

8:OO a.m.

When I sit down in first period, I hear Glennon Waters’s extremely peppy voice coming from the phone, yelling “Goooooood Morning Vietnaaaaam!” Poor girl needs a geography lesson if she thinks we’re in Southeast Asia.

9:OO a.m.

I pass Griffin Barra, who winks at me for the eighth time today. What. A. Flirt.

9:lO a.m.

On my way to Spanish, I pass a sophomore girl, who is pantsless and unfortunately Lady Gaga-esque. She’s also wearing a polo shirt and a heinous blue plaid belt with a horse on one side. “Cute outfit!” I tell her sarcastically, “Love the belt!” She looks down and seems confused, then responds, “What belt?”

9:3O a.m.

I exit my class, and I scream when an overeager Jack Benoit shoves me into the doorframe on his way down the hall. There are dozens of teens sprinting to the quad. “Fire drill?!” I ask a passing teacher, even though I don’t hear any bells. “What? Oh… No. Just a muffin sale.”

ll:4O a.m.

In the cafeteria, I hear two girls discussing their crush on “that senior guy with the hair”. I’ve been here for four hours and by this phrase alone I already know they’re referring to Nik Marino. I’m a little scared for my anonyminity in the future.

ll:55 a.m.

After sitting with a group of my new classmates at lunch, I’ve determined that there are two main food groups at Parker- croutons and granola. Underclassmen stare enviously at Lizz Ebken, who struts by toting an In-N-Out bag. Don’t worry, young’uns… Senior year will be here soon. In the meantime, apparently you can befriend seniors, hide in trunks and drive to McDonalds if you’re daring enough.

l2:O5 p.m.

I go to English class and listen in on my classmate’s debate about Rachel vs. Quinn. I have to stop and think if our quarterback is really named Finn. “Do they go to Parker?” I ask. Ms. Anderson gives me a disbelieving look, then a cold glare.

l2:55 p.m.

I’m in the library when I see a girl carrying a giant bouquet and a poster that says, “Will you go to MORP with me?” She’s either dyslexic, or that Parker education is going to waste. It’s P-R-O-M. Idiot.

l:OO p.m.

Walking by the Upper School Office, I notice that the closer people get to it, the more they pull down their skirts. Maybe there’s a breeze nearby? Looking inside I see Liza Gurtin on her knees next to Ms. Southworth, who is holding a ruler.

2:O5 p.m.

I have to use the library bathroom, since the one near my science class is filled with sobbing girls. I ask one, what’s wrong, to which she responds hysterically, “I got a B on my AP Bio test!” I think she’s crying tears of joy, until she shrieks, “Now I’ll never get into Harvard!”

APRIL 2011 9


Scribble Uncovers:

Secrets of the Teachers’ Lounge It was a Tuesday morning at 6:00 a.m. and I was sitting in the closet of the teacher’s lounge, just waiting. A couple of months ago, our ever so useful student store was transformed into a teachers’ lounge. Then, the doors of the teachers’ lounge were frosted, prohibiting any students from looking inside. Therefore, The Scribble and staff decided to do the most logical thing to discover what happens in the teachers’ lounge: send me in there to wait in the closet from 6:00 a.m to 6:00 p.m. What follows is the direct transcript of some of what was said during those school hours. This is how teachers really act, when no student is watching.

By Kara Jones

7:25 a.m Mr. Taylor: What do you have planned for your class today? Dr. Wilson: I just finished teaching about the Great Depression, so I’m showing the kids the movie Annie. They’re so excited, but little do they know, I’m planning on fast-forwarding every five minutes and through all of the cute songs. Mr. Taylor: It’s the hard knock life.

7:13 a.m Mrs. Huang: Most of the time when I am talking to my students, they think I am speaking Chinese, but I am actually speaking gibberish. The best part is when I’m done talking, they pretend they understood me.

11:31 p.m Mr. Donnelly: **** ***** was talking about some lacrosse game while I was trying to teach my curious students about synthetic division and molecules. So, I made him stay after class and compliment my figure until I was satisfied.

11:43 p.m Mrs. Redelings: So I asked the class when Constantinople became Istanbul, and **** ***** said 1452. I could not help but laugh and correct him. 1453. Duh.

12:07 p.m 9:34 a.m Mrs. Dilmore: And he was all like, “I want an A+ but you only gave me an A.” Mrs. Shapiro: Puhlease, you don’t know grade grubbing until you meet **** *********! Last year, during a test, he came up to me and asked: “Is this right?” I mean, really? You’re going to ask me if your answer is right? Of course I told him it was.

Mr. Maunu: Did you hear about Phil and Rose’s party last weekend? Mr. Esch: I wasn’t invited... Mr. Maunu: Oh. That’s awkward. Well, all I’m going to say is it got pretty crazy.

4:36 p.m The cleaning staff enters the lounge and begins a conversation. 1:47pm Sr. Caracoza: OMG, I just watched season 3 episode 6 of “Rebelde,” and I cannot believe Mia would do such a thing to Miguel. Sr. Gomez: Seriously, what a $@!*.


I can’t tell you how many times I walk into a classroom and see “No borrar” on the whiteboard. I mean really, you’re going to incorrectly write in spanish and then leave trash all over the floor? Honestly, they treat their classrooms like pigsties; so many moldy cakes and old cups of hot chocolate.


THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF FRANCIS PARKER Have you ever noticed something different about us? Here at Francis Parker School for Boys and Girls, we are told that we are the cream of the crop, the best kids San Diego has to offer. Many of us can remember taking a massive test or sitting awkwardly in the cafeteria with kids we didn’t know to try to get into the school. A few months later we got our test results, and life went back to normal. But what did those test results really say? I spent some time in the restricted section of our library to research some outdated literature for an English project. As I scanned the shelves for my book, I came across the private diary of our namesake, Col. Francis Wayland Parker. Intrigued, I read the first pages: “Though the general public is under the impression that my new methods are a simple progression on the course of education, my most trusted partners know the true, supernatural nature of our school. Unbeknownst to the students of our school, they possess many supernatural powers fabled in legends of our day and age.” I discovered that the test that we had taken to assess our academic abilities was really a test to access powers. Col. Parker went on to say that after experimenting with several students in the 1880s, he came to the following conclusions: First, students strong in English have

psychic abilities, and great powers to lead the general public. There is a reason English teacher Mr. Chris Harrington looks like Mike Huckabee. He was given the political trait many of our leaders have. Next, students strong in math have the distinct power of telekinesis, the power to move objects with one’s mind. In some cases, the telekinesis is so powerful that the only cure is to wear glasses. This happened to math teacher Mr. Paul Esch, who after an outburst in February 2005 where a student “accidentally” had a glass jar break over his head, was forced to wear glasses. Third, students with skills in history have super speed. Some members of the department, like history teacher Mr. Kiernan Aiston, have harnessed this ability for athletics such as cross-country. Conversely, students like junior Liza Gurtin, have had to resort to helplessly galloping around the quad to get rid of the urge to run. “During third period, my buzz gets so bad I have to run out of stats, go to Starbucks, and get some caffeine just to calm me down.” Finally, students with science ability have super strength. Science teacher Mr. Ryan Griggs has used his powers to put physics into simpler terms. For example, Mr. Griggs was applauded in May 2008 when he demonstrated the transfer of

By Raphie Cantor energy by breaking ten cinderblocks with his bare hands. Similarly, science teacher Dr. J.P. Pierce has used his super strength on the frisbee field to set a new standard for Ultimate Frisbee. Perhaps most important of all, Head of Upper School Mr. Paul Barsky and Attendance Secretary Ms. Laura Southworth have been granted invisibility, so they can take unsuspecting dress code violators by surprise. This all brings up an important question: what is the purpose of our powers, and why is the school so interested in them? The Scribble staff has theorized many possibilities. Maybe we’re forming a Barsky’s Army as a force for good. Or, it could be a publicity stunt to attract more prospective students to our school. Except, when junior Kara Jones was stationed in the closet of the teachers’ lounge, she overheard a plot to pit the superheroes of Parker against the super villains of Bishop’s. Kara later explained the unidentified teacher said, “I heard the next beat Bishop’s day is going to have events like a car throw and a 10,000 meter discus throw. I wonder if we have any chance against them.” The question is, possessors of these powers, are you up for the challenge?

APRIL 2011






To resist caffeine addiction By Aly Barrett The students at Francis Parker aren’t the only ones struggling with wellness; the teachers are struggling too, just in their own way… An awful plague has struck the Francis Parker teachers. There have been several complaints by parents, faculty, and even students about the growing caffeine abuse problem at Francis Parker. However, few realize that the major problem isn’t with students, but with teachers. It is important that everyone be knowledgeable about this delicate situation so that issues may be more effectively addressed. In an interview, school counselor Dr. Doreen McLaughlin said, “It seems that stress levels have grown so severe that teachers are resorting to recreational caffeine abuse.” The combination of “race to nowhere” stresses, peer pressure, and mid-life crises has significantly forced the Parker teaching community to resort to caffeine abuse. “The school makes a huge deal about pressure among the student body, but the teachers suffer as well. Balancing our social lives with a teaching career is exhausting,” an anonymous Lower School teacher said. Parker teachers only want the best from their students, and when students don’t perform to the teacher’s expectations, teachers may feel the need to resort to abusing caffeine as a distraction. Teachers also struggle just as much as students during the college process. Not only do the teachers have to write piles of recommendation letters but also many are forced to re-live the pain-

ful college process every single year. Surprisingly, the most common source of stress among the teachers seems to be Parker parents. “How do you think I get through those parent-teacher conferences?” an anonymous teacher said in defense of his/her caffeine abuse. “It is no coincidence that faculty caffeine abuse increases during parent-teacher conference weeks. From what I’ve heard, caffeine abuse among the teachers grew severe just after the Parent’s Association started up at Parker.” Unfortunately, the Parker administration continues to be overwhelmed with the influx of caffeine-related instances. The Teacher’s Lounge was previously appropriately stocked with coffee, water, and sometimes snacks, cost covered by the Business Office. Recently the coffee maker has been stolen a number of times. Teachers have begun storing their coffee and energy drinks in the Lounge. Per day, the Upper School teachers collectively consume approximately eight cases worth of Red Bull, Monster, and Rockstar, as well as eight pounds of coffee. C.O.O. Mr. Grant Lichtman claims that there have even been a number of reports filed to the Business Office of stealing caffeine supplies in the Lounge. To curb this new epidemic of Parker teacher caffeine abuse, the administration is appropriately investing heavily in an anti-drug project. A D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) inspired committee has formed on campus. The D.A.R.E.

Committee has already invested in inspiring anti-drug/caffeine posters that should arrive in the coming weeks and are to be set up in the Teachers’ Lounge. In conjunction with the Wellness Committee, they discuss certain obstacles they currently face in making Parker a caffeine-free environment for the teachers. It won’t be easy for the D.A.R.E. Committee, though, because often times withdrawals (i.e. stomach pain, insomnia, irritability, headaches, etc.) can occur when significantly lowering caffeine intake over a short period of time. Dr. McLaughlin, whose office was recently relocated to be closer to the teachers, has already begun training specifically attuned to caffeine abuse. This problem must be addressed. Many students have voiced their concern for their teachers. Junior Matthew Nussbaum said, “I’m really worried about Mr. Taylor sometimes. You can tell when he’s had his fifth cup of coffee in the morning… he’s really loud and different, and it scares me. In my U.S. History class, when anyone comes near the cup he’s drinking his eyes get really big, and he yells at us. It’s just awful.” The Francis Parker war against caffeine abuse has been difficult, and although it may be hard to admit that Francis Parker teachers struggle, it must be openly discussed so proper measures can be taken. The new developments currently taking place are necessary to help teachers flourish to their full potential.



G B U good



As you may have noticed, Francis Parker School for Boys and Girls did not have the day off on Martin Luther King Junior Day. Instead of sleeping late and finishing homework that had been put off one more day, Parker students and teachers taught and learned and really thought about civil rights— not just about past, diconnected marches, but about struggles that continue today and connect us all. So, yes, we woke up early. And no, not everything was perfect. But something about the argument that it’s MLK day, so we shouldn’t go to school, or that it’s not a real day of school, so it doesn’t matter if we miss it, falls flat. I can think of no better way for the Parker community to collectively celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King Junior’s life and cause than the way we came together on the 17th.

Fifth period is a busy time. Not only are there clubs to attend, homework to complete, and friends to catch up with, but somewhere in there you need to eat, too. It is almost inevitable that something is left undone. But the ASB open forums should not be the sacrifice. While walking through the halls, one hears a seemingly infinite number and variety of complaints and suggestions. And yet, attendance at the ASB open forum discussions is minimal. Students really do have the chance to voice concerns and let their opinions be heard, but we need to take advantage of that opportunity. If you think that P.E. credit needs to be given to freshmen, that the speech class requirement should be dropped, or dress code relaxed, let your student government know— either through the open forums or through their mailbox. Before you complain that ASB doesn’t do anything, let them know what you want done.

Yes, we all cut corners sometimes. Whether it’s circling in too early while running laps, expanding margins on an English page, skipping some math problems, or parking where we shouldn’t, sometimes it’s just easier. But when do we cross the line into laziness? The walk from the back end of the parking lot, or from across the street, is far, but is it worth five minues of complaints, especially when one day, you too will be admitted into the senior lot? Have we hit seniorities second trimester of sophomore year. It’s never just one corner that gets rounded, one shortcut taken. And while the shortcut is faster, not only do you miss the beauty of the scenic route, but it is also a lot easier to become lost. Suddenly we’re out of shape, unprepared for a long paper, failing a test, and have a spray-painted car.


April 2011




Editor’s Note barometer It’s Friday: Yesterday was Thursday. We, we, we so excited. Fun. Fun. Fun. Fun. (Orchids to) Thieves: When they want something in life, they go for it, and I respect that.

As some of you may know, this issue of the Scribble will be my last before Carol and I pass the torch into the capable hands of our successor. We had many qualified applicants, and it was a difficult decision to make. Many long nights were spent discussing this, and I regret to admit that we got into some pretty heated arguments. Who knew that Ms. Adelman had such a strong right hook? In the end, there was only one clear choice, and we are sure he is more than qualified to handle the task ahead of him. The Scribble is proud to announce that its new editor-in-chief for the 2011-2012 school year will be none other than Head of the Upper School Mr. Paul Barsky. In this position I know he will excel. We chose him because he already has some experience in a leadership position as Head of the Upper School, and this gave him an edge over the competition. Leading the Upper School is a big responsibility, but I hope he will be able to handle the extreme mental and physical stress that comes with the role as editor-in-chief. Late nights and important deadlines can be difficult to handle, but I’m sure he will devolp an addiction to CinnaStix to get him through the pain. If that doesn’t work, coffee seems to be a popular vice among the Francis Parker faculty (see pg 9). Furthermore, as he has never written for the magazine, we had to look at his weekly newsletters as a source of a writing sample. His work demonstrates an obvious grasp of style and technique and shows signs of great editing skills. His piece wrapping up Interim, Volume 4 No. 23 was truly inspiring. Most importantly, though, his membership in a pug enthusiasts club is the type of excitement and dedication we are looking for in an editor. It demonstrates the type of fun-loving person we want to have in charge here. So, for the last time as editor-in-chief, I present to you the 2011 Scribble, where we provide the news too true to print.

Being at School on the Weekends: C’mon, all the cool kids are doing it; just ask any of the Scribers... well at least the dedicated ones.

Speaking Your Mind: Try making a YouTube video to share your thoughts with the world, and remember to be as racist as possible. But if you’re going to take this route, make sure to dress classy. If you need some help, look to Alexandra Wallace (aka The Royal Freshness 69) for some advice.

Laptops: They’re tiny and they don’t like my fingers... Orange?


Scribble Staff 1810-11 Share with us any questions, concerns, or comments you have about the magazine. We don’t actually read these letters, but they give us a sense of moral satisfaction. Also, whenever anyone complains, we can give them a contemptuous look and say, “Well, why don’t you write a letter to the editor, huh?” Email us at Visit our website at Join our facebook fanpage at to stay updated with everything Scribble.

Editors-in-Chief Carol Uma Thurman Managing Editor The Newt Editorials Editors Simmon Leopard Sarah Listen Features Editors Liz Gurtan Cars Sqot Entertainment Editors Christopher Robin Hailey Robinsloane Sports Editors The Shrine Cameron Singer Etcetera Editors Kara Jonsie Gracie Paluch Layout Editor Madeline Appealing Web Editors Teddy Bryan Katie Vilson Staff Writers Ali Barrell Merria Canepa Raphael Cantador The Freshman Stan the Man Gambucci Robert Benjamin III : Grey Hefty Lefty Agna Hoppes K.C. Jaski Kim Possible Sam Metroville Morry Mollison Newt Skywalker Mr. Nussbomb Pete Benners Jake Stiegler Kaity Wolker Adviser Michelle Hannah Ostrow



Totally O N CATS Cover Art by Stanley Gambucci TOC Staff Page

Simone and Sara Do NOTHING

1 2 3

17 18 19 20 21

10 Things to Do on a Friday Night When You’re Not Invited to That Party How to Throw a Tantrum Cold, Yes, No One Likes This XOXO Gossip Girl Back Cover By Stanley Gambucci

15 16

Are You Ready for Some Football? Sports: Why Don’t They Make Any Sense?

12 13 14

Sloan and Haley PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG Movies: Go To Them Glee: The Best Show or The Best Show Ever? Student Stars in One Man Show: Me and My 42 Other Personalities The Scribe Named be Best Magazine in the World... Ever Paris Hilton: Where is She Now?

6 7 8 9

Parker Student Has Homework, Doesn’t Finish It Student Sees Snail on Sidewalk, Puts It Back in Bushes Teacher Announces: “You’ll Never Get Those Assignments Back” Newsflash: Can’t is the Cancer of Happen

4 5

Editor’s Note GBU

Liza and Carson Want to Ride on CARS

Mike and Cam PLAY

Kara and Grace Love THINGS


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THE Vol. XIII, Issue 4 Francis Parker School April 2011 FEATURES EDITORIALS SPORTS Senior Bucket List 25 Things That Need to Come Back Not S...

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