WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER: Lifting Each Other Up & Changing the Narratives

By Katherine Jones Foster Focus Contributor

WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER are words we hear often from those with lived experience in care, many who are diligently working to reform our foster care system There are so many wonderful current and former foster youth doing amazing things for our community Then there are those who remain silent while quietly observing and gaining confidence in learning they are not alone by listening to those who are willing to speak of their experiences in care (and it’s okay to be silent), there are those who work behind the scenes (like me) doing what they can to help current and former foster youth and organizations that are doing the work to effect change and make a difference in the lives of those affected by their experiences (and that’s okay, too), and then there are those like the woman I am highlighting, who put themselves wholly out into the world to bring awareness to the public about the important issues our community faces. Before I speak of her, I would like to thank the editor of this magazine for giving me this opportunity to lift up this member of our community.

Nearly to the day Cheryl turned 17, her father dragged her out of the house to the trash, telling her she was trash and wasn’t allowed back inside. This was not the first abuse she suffered at his hands as a child The neighbors witnessed this horror and called the police, who took her to Child Protection Services, where she waited overnight to be placed. Her time in care included living in two states and seven placements, one being a juvenile detention center because they had no place for her Two of the foster homes did not work out because the foster mothers were using her for child labor and their sons sexually harassed her She aged out at age 18 Having been separated from her sibling, who was also in care, Cheryl endured abuse from adults who should have protected her that no child should ever endure

Cheryl began her transition into adulthood by applying for FAFSA and, even with only her GED, received a full scholarship at University of Montevallo in Alabama and lived on campus in order not to become homeless From there she went to Kansas State University where she majored in Early Childhood Education and, despite facing health and other challenges, graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in Family Studies and Human Services in 2011 at the age of 27 She continues studying at Harvard Division of Continuing Education

In addition to her academic credits, other credits and/or awards include: Mrs Lonestar State in 2022, Mrs Southwest USA Ambassador 2022 with the USA Ambassador Pageant (a public speaking pageant and for women to showcase the good they are doing in the world Cheryl’s platform was reforming foster care and fostering self-eSTEAM), Executive Producer/Talent, Certified Professional Life Coach and World’s Top Model South 2023 (New York Fashion Week at Model, Runway & Print) and from the White House, she received the Lifetime Presidential Service Award in 2022 & 2023 for her charity work

Cheryl’s advocacy work requires her to tell her uncomfortable story publicly and, as many of us may have experienced ourselves, braves being stigmatized by a society (or even family members) who truly do not understand what it is like to have experienced care and may not understand (or even believe) the circum- stances that required being put into care in the first place If you have ever experienced such stigma, then you can relate. In my work with current and former foster youth and in my own experience, phrases like “you must have done something wrong to have been put into care,” “you’re not worthy,” “you’re not lovable” or “you’re not good enough” can often ring in our ears long after leaving care How many narratives have we been taught from childhood that are not true about who we are? How long does it take to overcome those narratives? For many, it can take a lifetime. Furthermore, how has that affected how we move in the world after care? It is difficult enough to move forward in the regular world while trying to figure out where and if there is even a place we can belong but, for those brave enough like Cheryl, to move authentically in the world of pageantry, it can be even more difficult Not only are you critiqued on every little flaw you may possess physically, you are critiqued on how you walk, how you talk, what your social media reveals about you, etc Why would anyone who experienced extreme trauma as a child expose themselves to such scrutiny?

Cheryl does it to help our community, to help the youth currently in care and to use her platform of foster care reform to speak to a wider audience that has the power to help effect change It takes a special commitment, passion and personality to be able to do that – one which Cheryl possesses

Seeing the need for educational and other support for youth in and/or transitioning out of foster care because she experienced it first-hand herself instilled in her a fierce compassion for helping these youth and, in 2019, she founded the nonprofit FUNdamentals for Foster Care (www fundfc org) FUNdamentals for Foster Care strives to improve and better stabilize the educational experience of foster youth by providing them with Science, Technology, Engineering, Art and Mathematics (STEAM) toys These STEAM toys serve to keep foster youth actively engaged in their education, especially during times of transition These STEAM toys help those with delays in the foster care system to catch up so they can be whatever they choose to be in life In addition to STEAM toys, FUNdamentals for Foster Care also started a mentoring career program for youth aging out of the system

What does it mean to lift each other up?

To me, it means taking pride in the potential of others, appreciating the work they do and the effort they put into it and realize that, even though we may have different perspectives in life, perhaps tapping into different perspectives can broaden the way we perceive the world It means that, for anyone who has ever had to deal with the aftereffect of care like feeling imperfect or inadequate, it is those times we need our community to lift us up. It means WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER in changing the narratives we have been taught and eliminating the negative stigma attached to our community For the work Cheryl and others are doing in this space, know I appreciate you and am LIFTING YOU UP

“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together ” – Dr Brene Brown, Author, Professor and Vulnerability Researcher