A Lif e In the Service of Others

By Chris Chmielewski Foster Focus Contributor

Misty Stenslie shuffled between thirty placements in eight states throughout the twelve years she spent in foster care 9 Her diagnoses included depression, oppositional defiant disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, and a sleep disorder 10 She stated, Because of the instability in my living situation, it seemed that the only option the professionals in my life were able to take for treating all of the diagnosed conditions was prescribing medication I was on more medications than I [can] count usually without my knowing what the meds were for, how I should expect to feel, side effects to watch out for, or any plan for follow up.11 According to the Surgeon General, nearly one in five children in the United States is affected by a mental health disorder 12 A subject of rising concern is the use of psychotropic medication among the general youth population, with a potentially higher prevalence among children in the foster care system

Misty was born on December 8, 1972 and passed away on Saturday, April 30, 2016. Misty was a resident of Bertha, Minnesota at the time of her passing The memorial service for Misty Claassen of Verndale will be held at 11:00 a m on Wednesday May 4 at the Johnson-Schuller Chapel in Wadena with Pastor Jeff Franko presiding. Visitation will be held one hour prior to the service After a painful six year battle with tick-borne diseases and earlyâonset Alzheimerâs disease Misty Stenslie Claassen died peacefully at her home on Saturday April 30 2016. Donations in her name may be sent to Foster Care Alumni of America

Misty Stenslie, Deputy Director of Foster Care Alumni of America (a community of former children in foster care that works to transform foster care practice and policy), spent about 12 years in foster care. She lived in about 30 different places which included kinship care (relatives), group homes, foster homes, therapeutic foster homes, psychiatric facilities, and correctional facilities Stenslie says she was always bouncing from one place to the next, and over the years had hundreds of people that were responsible for her

"A social worker here, a judge there, hundreds of different people over the years, and yet somehow even with all those people looking out for me and taking care of me, I aged out with no family at all," Stenslie said. "On Tuesday you're a kid and somebody's there to take care of you, and on Wednesday you're an adult; and nobody's there."

As Stenslie puts it, "once you hit that magic birthday, foster care is done with you " No wonder so many of these kids, yes kids, flounder When I was 18, I still relied on my parents and grandparents and siblings for so many things--from phone calls of support to requests for small loans. Who do these kids call? The government isn't answering the phone

There are so many things young adults with families can take for granted What happens when you are in college or in your first apartment and you don't have enough money to do laundry? Most kids can call Mom or Dad or Grandma or Grandpa and hit them up for a few packs of quarters Stenslie didn't have anyone to call. She worked the closing shift at McDonalds, and after hours would put her clothes through the industrial dishwasher in the back room of the fast-food restaurant

There are life skills teenagers need to learn to make a smooth transition to adulthood--things like finding a job and an apartment, learning how to drive, balancing a checkbook, etc --but according to Celeste Bodner, Executive Director of FosterClub (a national peer support network for young people in and from foster care), the most critical issue is "permanence and having the safety net of people to connect to as you age out " Bodner says this is the make- or-break factor for young people, often determining whether or not they will succeed in life or become another statistic.

"A lot of our young people, including our young leaders, are college students, they're smart, they're capable, they're prepared, a lot of them save money, they're very responsible," Bodner said. "And the one thing that can even derail those young people is not having people to call family."

Between the ages of 18 and 24, it's in- that if you age out of the system without that permanent family, those kinds of challenges can be overwhelming

Stuart Eskenazi, a Communications Writer at Casey Family Programs, describes the "aging-out" experience of one former foster youth Eskenazi says the youth, from Orange County, Calif , was in foster care his entire childhood. He was only three months old when he was separated from his mother, and then had eight different foster care placements He spent nine years with his last foster family before that family kicked evitable something disastrous (or seemingly disastrous at the time) will occur Bodner says even the most focused young adults can be completely derailed if they don't have people to help them "pick up the pieces" when these disasters strike.

All children want the same thing--a safe, loving, and permanent family. As McOmber puts it, kids need someone to turn to and be able to say "How do I do this?" or "I have a question" or "I need support " These are things that most of us take for granted, but McOmber says him out of the house two weeks before his high school graduation According to Eskenazi, "he was basically forcibly removed from the home and had a really tough time trying to deal with the fact that all of the sudden, he had no family that he could rely on." He is now 20 years old Eskenazi says that while he is doing better, the first couple of years after aging out have been "incredibly challenging" for him

One of the obstacles in finding permanent families for older children is that many people who work in the system don't focus on adoption after children hit a certain age, because they just don't think it's a reality But older kids can be, and are, adopted.

Tru here Another friend is gone; Misty Stenslie Claassen was 43 years old. She made the above zendoodle for me in December 2015

When you have many friends with terminal disease, it creates several side-is- sues of grief, and that is a subject that needs addressed … but that is not my topic today

Recently discovered my friend Misty was no longer with us She and I shared background of tickborne diseases, dementia symptoms, love of art, and current tool of zen-doodles We both spent years in antibiotic treatment for various tick-borne diseases. Myself, I spent 5 years with the best doctors money could buy and large expenditures of out-ofpocket expenses My memory is shot so I do not remember exactly how long Misty spent with antibiotics (for Lyme Disease) and anti-malarials (for tickborne babesia), but her obituary at http://minnesota.obituaries.funeral.com/ 2016/05/04/misty-claassen/ says, “

After a painful six year battle with tickborne diseases and early-onset Alzheimer ’s disease, Misty Stenslie Claassen died peacefully at her home on Saturday, April 30, 2016 ”

Like many friends, she had what I call an “end plan”, and put it into service; “I wanted to leave this world before the march of Alzheimer ’s took away all of my joy It was not “suicide” but rather a choice to die with some dignity ” She did not fear what comes next, but was looking forward to being free of the pain, confusion, terror, and other symptoms of her disease. There had already been times when she looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person looking back at herself. There had been times that, when waking, she didn’t know who the man in her bedroom was and felt terror. She needed assistance for grooming, adult diapers, and felt lost or afraid if her care-providers were out of sight, even in her own home. … So, she left this world in peace

In lieu of flowers, her request is that we all do something to make the world better “Some of the causes I cared the most about were people in and from foster care, animal welfare, sexual/reproductive health, and equal rights for all people. Donations in my name can be sent to the Foster Care Alumni of America Thank you I love you all ”

As Deputy Director for Foster Care Alumni of America (which she founded in 2004), Misty wrote this at Fostering Perspectives;www fosteringperspectives org/fp v15n2/Stenslie.htm

May her memory be a blessing