Ashley Caron

by. Ashley Caron

Dear Beloved One, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the tears you’ve already cried And I’m sorry for the ones you haven’t cried yet.

I’m sorry for the violence in your life The violence caused by parents and grandparents Who didn’t know any better The violence caused by selfish men Who didn’t care about how their wandering hands Would impact your life and your future The violence caused by ex-lovers Who felt the only way they could keep you Was to forcefully take what they wanted I’m sorry for all of this and so much more And I know you’re afraid. I know you’re confused about the world and your place in it I know you’re uncertain about your future But you can only begin to heal By looking at the darkness of your past By holding space for the pain of your present By slowly leaning into the fear and uncertainty of your future. And as you do As you begin to heal the wounds that never should have been inflicted As you release the shame that was never yours to carry As you free yourself from the smothering shackles of your past You’ll begin to hear a soft yearning in your heart A soft yearning of life calling you to play with it It’s calling you to laugh and cry and dance and love.

Your life will not always be easy, it will not always be perfect It will sometimes be hard and painful and messy You’ll fall to your knees. You’ll cry. You’ll bleed. You’ll beg for death. But Grace will step in And she’ll remind you that you’re not alone in this She’ll remind you that you’re stronger than you feel right now She’ll remind you that you have more courage than you know right now She’ll remind you that you’re allowed to feel brave and afraid at the same time And she’ll let you know that when you feel stuck in this place This place between courage and fear That there are people in your life who can help you. And with time Slowly Uncertainly Holding hands with fear You’ll put the fragmented pieces of your life together. It will never be perfect But it will be yours And it will be beautiful So lean in my love And trust that in time all will be revealed to you. You’ll cry and fall to your knees again and again and again But this time not because of pain not because of heartbreak not because of suffering This time because of grace because of gratitude because of love.