Betty White, Thank You for Being a Friend to So Many!

from FW February 2022

The Five Love Languages: Part 2 - Acts of Service

Betty White Thank You for Being a Friend… to So Many! BY CAROLYN S PETERSON

There are words in our society today that are overused. People loosely throw around words like ‘super star’ and ‘icon’ when they don’t really apply. However, one lady of Hollywood represented the true definition of each word. Betty White, American actress and pioneer of television, had a career that spanned over seven decades. She initially worked in an industry that wasn’t always so welcoming to women, yet she became America’s sweetheart and someone we all wish was our best friend.

Betty White began her career in radio and made the transition to television, giving us, as viewers, some of television history’s most beloved characters. Ms. White was best known for her roles as Sue Ann Nivens on the CBS sitcom The Mary Tyler Moore Show and NBC’s The Golden Girls where she played Rose Nyland.

The character of Sue Ann Nivens was written into an episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show in 1973 as the show was ascending to the top of the ratings. Sue Ann was described in the script as ‘a sickeningly sweet Betty White type,’ so in the end, who better to play the part. Ms. White played it to such perfection she became a regular on the show and won her second and third Emmys for the role. Her portrayal of Sue Ann was often described as ‘a sweetness with overlaying of a sting.’ The banter between Mary Tyler Moore and Sue Ann Nivens became scenes fans looked forward to each week.

A new generation came to know Betty White as Rose Nyland, described as ‘the seemingly dopey Nordic blonde from St. Olaf, Minnesota,’ on the long running sitcom The Golden Girls, about a group of older women living in Florida, with the great talents of Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, and Estelle Getty. The cast was perfect and Betty White was a genius at comedy and at the top of her game in the role.

While Betty White had much success in her professional life, her private life included two failed marriages before meeting Allen Ludden, who Ms. White described as ‘the love of my life.’ Ludden was a game show host who met Betty White when she was a celebrity guest on Password in1961. He proposed twice before she accepted and they were married in 1963, not only taking on the role of wife, but of step-mother to Ludden’s three children. The two were married until Ludden’s death in 1981 due to cancer. Ms. White was once asked why she never remarried and she replied, “I had the love of my life. If you’ve had the best, who needs the rest?”

Although she never had children, her heart and home were open until her death at age 99, to animals, quite a few in fact. Betty White was a pet enthusiast and animal welfare advocate who worked with organizations including zoos, animal foundations, and wildlife groups. Her interest in animal welfare began in the early 1970s while she was hosting and producing the syndicated series The Pet Set, which spotlighted celebrities and their pets. Over her many years, Ms. White appeared in public service announcements raising awareness of the needs of animals, both domestic and wild. Her home was often filled with quite a few furry friends, at one time, 26 dogs. She used her celebrity to bring attention to the needs of animals across the country and the importance of adoption in saving the lives of animals in shelters. Ms. White once commented on her career by saying, “I’m actually the luckiest old broad alive. Half my life is working in a profession I love and the other half is working with animals.’

While Betty White thought and believed until her passing on December 31, 2021 at the age of 99, that she was the lucky one, those who watched her amazing career and talent know that we were indeed the lucky ones. Rest in peace.

Did you know?

Betty White was initially awarded the Guinness World Record for “Longest TV Career for a Female Entertainer” in 2014 and no one ever took it from her!

Love your home again.

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Love, Love, LOVE! Farrago

STAY

BY GENEVIEVE CONDON

I jumped when I heard the first creak of the stairs that led up to my third-floor apartment. It was a pain travelling up those stairs with loads of groceries, but it was ours. A place that my mother and I both worked hard to keep. I didn’t pay bills. My mother believed firmly that it was her job to take care of me, but I helped clean and attempted to cook as often as I could. School work and my part-time job kept me occupied. I liked to stay busy and have goals to strive for. I opened the door to the hallway before Parker even made it to the top. I knew it looked overeager, but truth was, I was terrified. Looking down at my pink flowy top and yoga pants, I swear I expected to see my knees knocking together.

“Hey.” Looking up, I fought back a giggle at the sight of him. He wore a ratty T-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms that looked a little too small. They were high waters and showed the white of his socks. “Like my outfit?” He spun around.

The giggle escaped my lips. “I would have kept on my band T-shirt had I known this is how you were coming over.” I opened the door and motioned him inside.

“Depends. What band?” He quirked up his left eyebrow.

“Maroon 5. I never got to see them in concert, but Ava did and bought me a shirt.”

“Nice. Where should I put these?” Parker held up his hands, the two shopping bags overflowing. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got a bit of every snack food there was. I have chips, chocolate, fruit, just in case you want an apple instead of peanut M & M’s for some unknown reason….” I watched him empty the contents of the bag on the coffee table, how he put the candy in one pile, the chips in another. Everything about him seemed so carefree, yet there were parts that were structured, organized, thoughtful.

“What? Do I have a booger in my nose?” He flared his nostrils in the most ungodly way that allowed me to see straight up his nose.

“Ew, that’s nasty. No booger.” I snickered. Fall for him? My mind raced with hope and possibility. It was a mishmash of emotions. I didn’t know whether to tell him I had fallen for him since that day in the diner, or to tell him that I hoped we could maybe explore something more between us. My mind, ever so active as it was, frantically searched for a response as he stared at me, a Snickers bar in one hand and a bag of Doritos in the other.

“You’re all right,” I squeaked out. Smooth. Real smooth. After toying with what to say, that’s what I came up with? Ava would have a fit.

“All right? Way to make a man grow a complex.” With a frown, he threw the

Snickers and Doritos on the table.

“Oh, I didn’t mean just all right. I didn’t want to sound too eager. Like Parker, I’ve thought about you since

I first saw you at the diner. Or that

I love the way you’re honest and kind without being fake. And how you’re not just all right, you’re the most superbly handsome man

I’ve ever met.” I took a breath and felt my cheeks heat. Well, I’d done it again. Spouted off more than necessary. I’d turned to walk into the kitchen to compose and probably scold myself, when Parker grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him.

“Don’t run. Stay.” His words caressed my body and enveloped me in warmth. The insecurity was still there, but more subtle, masked with the comfort that his hand on me brought.

“I didn’t mean to say all that. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

He released my arm and sighed. “The only thing that’s made me uncomfortable these past weeks is wanting to be with you and not knowing whether to just say it.” Parker smiled at me. “But I think you feel something, even if a small piece of you. It’s drawn to me. Isn’t it?”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. He wants to be with me? I nodded.

“Let’s stop pretending that we aren’t interested romantically in each other. I’m not seeing anyone else or interested in dating anyone else, are you?”

“Not at all. I haven’t dated in forever.” I mentally smacked myself. Way to make yourself look cool, Rainey.

“So, what do you say we call this what it is, a date. Our first official date as boyfriend and girlfriend.” Parker held out his hand to me, and I wanted nothing more than to jump up and down. I placed my hand in his; it fit perfectly.

We sat down on my couch, and he kept his hand in mine. Our fingers intertwined and some nonsense show that kept him laughing played in the background. Nothing could make this night more special.

Recovering from Rugged, Rough, & Rocky Real-ationships

BY SUSAN B B SCHABACKER

Let’s be real about real-ationships. They are not perfect and neither are we; and sometimes, they can be beyond rugged, rough, and rocky. If bad memories of negative experiences still linger in your mind and weigh heavily on your heart, please know you’re not alone. Even if you’re still struggling with letting go, remember that it’s a process, but one you can achieve with time, hard work, and yes, plenty of patience. To fully move forward, we may need to make peace with our past in order to make the most of our futures.

Even if you’ve struggled with an abusive relationship and have suffered through hell on earth from what someone else has put you through, you can recover and repair.

As a strong believer everything happens for a reason, including everyone who comes into our lives, one of the greatest things you can do is glean life lessons that transform you into a stronger person.

Although there’s no guarantee you won’t make the same mistake(s) again, you can set yourself up for success simply by shifting your mindset with a healthier perspective. The more you can make peace with what and who have held you back, the freer you are to move forward without emotional bondage or baggage. Delve deeper into your relationships with yourself and others as you learn and grow from them.

We are complex people, like onions, with multiple layers of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are often difficult to decode and be misinterpreted. It’s easy to let even the littlest of things get under your skin and it may take a lot to let go of these unwanted feelings that only weigh us down. But, instead of feeling like a victim, consider reflecting like a psychologist. Although it may be painful initially, try to pinpoint negative feelings and track back to what caused them.

No need to get bogged down overanalyzing your relationship and dwell on what didn’t work out, but sometimes reevaluating what you liked and didn’t and what worked and what didn’t can help you achieve a greater understanding and adopt a healthier perspective.

Be as kind and patient with yourself and others as possible. Good things often take time, but know you are on the right track wanting the best for your life.

Here’s a checklist to help your life improve as you focus on one area at time:

• Forgiveness and making peace with the past will help you move on as you focus on the now and plan for a bright and promising future.

• Build a supportive network of those you love, trust, and can rely on to help you through even the toughest of times.

• Know yourself, reflect on and communicate your deepest thoughts, feelings, and desires, and practice self-care that makes you feel healthier, more healed, and whole.

• Redefine and write down your vision, mission, values, and goals to review daily.

• Break unhealthy habits and eliminate a negative self-image and self-talk, substituting with positive affirmations.

• Instead of depriving yourself, reward yourself for your progress and accomplishments, appreciate who you naturally are, and celebrate even small successes.

• Keep hopeful and faithful, always grateful for opportunities and blessings, some of which may be in disguise. Focus on not taking anything personally and utilizing every perceived mistake and failure as an invaluable life lesson enabling you to learn and grow.

• Write down an ongoing list of what makes you happiest and what’s most meaningful to you, then focus on doing and attracting more of that.

• Write down a list of what detracts from your happiness and takes away from valuable time so you can focus on avoiding and eliminating those items.

• Clean and organize your environment to get rid of clutter, dirt, and bacteria and help you feel more in control of your household and life.

• Focus on inner healing on multiple levels, including energy healing, breath work, massage, reflexology, aromatherapy, and detoxing.

• Boost your immune system with adaptogens, prebiotics, and probiotics.

Still Me BY JEAN MARIE JOHNSON

It was the day before Halloween. The sky befittingly gray, the temperature a cool 53 or so. I left my house mid-afternoon to take in the air, the day – and to tack on a few more steps because everything counts! As I headed out, away from my house, my suburban neighborhood slowly evolved into an as-yet undeveloped piece of country. A horse and donkey, companions for years, dawdled in an open field as the bluebirds – en masse - fluttered overhead. I passed the tiny, sort of-white cottage as I always do, neat and tidy but clearly in need of repair. Many, many walks before I had noticed a small, faded note on the old door. In four years of walks, I had never seen any sign of life at that house, and so I imagined that its last occupant was off living with a relative or waiting out their days in a nursing home. Such is imagination, no?

But this time, I had to look twice because there was someone walking toward the trashcan at the side of the house. She wore loose pajamas and a stocking cap as she leaned on her cane, compensating for a severely hunched back.

“Hello! I have never seen you before!” I said in a big but friendly voice as I smiled at her.

She looked at me, returned my smile, shrugged her shoulders and simply said, “Just old!”

I would have stopped, chatted, but she kept moving, set on her task. I had to respect that despite my inclinations otherwise.

I soon found myself thinking about the breakfast I had had with a new, dear friend. S and I connected from the getgo. One book club conversation in and we knew we’d be friends. She’s 15 years my junior, which hardly matters except when we are counting gray hairs! We were working through our omelets, talking about this curious and inevitable business of aging when S shared a story about her late grandmother’s words to her: “One day I looked in the mirror and thought: ‘Who is this person?’ She is so old. I sat with that for a minute and thought but I am still me. I am old, but I am still me. Don’t forget that. You will always be you.”

All the while I am sitting there in my leopard print jeans over my small but undeniable muffin top, purple fingernails and studded black booties. I know I am no longer 15, 25, 35, 45.... I am where I am chronologically and YES I am very much still here and still me.

As I ventured back on my return route home, I passed that little house again, surmising that its occupant was now safely ensconced inside. But this time, I noticed something I hadn’t before – a carved pumpkin in the tiny sunroom, facing the road. Okay, maybe it wasn’t hand carved, it was more likely plastic. But it gave me pause. It made me wonder if this old woman’s pumpkin was a tiny but mighty nod to who she was, who she had always been – a “still me” affirmation.

Here’s to every-single-thing that you do, and I do, and S does, and that old woman does to honor and express who we have always been. Hold fast to that and never let go.