The Five Love Languages: Part 2 - Acts of Service

The F iv e L o ve L anguages: Part 2 – A ct s o f S e r v ice BY TABATHA RENEGAR

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1992 book by China Grove, N.C. native, Dr. Gary Chapman. The book outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls “love languages.” According to Wikipedia, the book sold 8,500 copies in its first year, four times what the publisher expected! The following year it sold 17,000, and two years later, 137,000. It has been on the New York Times Best Seller list since August 2009. A new, revised edition of The Five Love Languages was released on January 1, 2015.

The five “languages” are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Gift Giving, and Quality Time

Last month, I wrote about Words of Affirmation – a language that I could relate to because it’s the one I seem to be doling out and listening for the most. On to the next: Acts of Service which may have been invented by my husband! This is so up his alley, HE should be writing this article! But I digress…

For folks whose primary love language is Acts of Service, they feel your love and adoration by the things that you do. It may be tasks like mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or taking the 2am shift to feed your newborn while you sleep. Anything that can make one partner feel appreciated or that can help make their life easier.

So, at first glance, this language might seem like a “no brainer” for most people. “OK” you might think, “I can start being more on top of some household chores so that my partner feels loved.” Easy right? Well, mostly.

However, there is an interesting caveat to the Acts of Service love language, and one that may not seem fair, but it’s something that you need to understand if you are the giver of this language! The most powerful acts are those that are done spontaneously or without asking. Acts that supersede expectations. You know – like that sudden pile of folded laundry that appears on the bed or when your spouse borrows your car to run an errand and then brings it back with a full tank AND washed?

Sometimes these acts can be taken for granted and on that subject, I am an expert. I’m not saying I am proud of my acumen in this area but after 50ish years on this earth, I am certainly well aware of it! I blame the first 16 years when I was an only child or perhaps the cosmic happenstance of being a Scorpio and well, that’s a whole other article! However, as someone whose language is Words of Affirmation, it has taken years and practice to recognize and appreciate that my husband’s constant – and I do mean CONSTANT – tidying up, leaf-blowing, exterior trim painting, and toilet scrubbing, are truly not just nervous energy or his way of filling the day. As old fashioned as it may sound, he is taking care of me. In the way that he feels most confident and most comfortable. The words “You are amazing, babe” may not roll off his tongue effortlessly and that’s ok! As his spouse, I just have to learn to “listen” to the sound of the leaf blower differently… I have learned to recognize that these actions come from his heart and that he may be using four letter words under his breath as he struggles to get the leaf blower to start but what he’s really saying is “I love you.”

BY TARYN JEREZ

A monthly column that keeps its finger on the pulse of Forsyth’s artists and their inspiring stories!

This month’s featured artist, Jessica Singerman, has a gift for creating work that both captivates and awakens the senses of her viewers. Borrowing elements and inspiration from mother nature, Jessica’s work incorporates a unique combination of colors, shape, textures, and size.

Jessica Singerman | Abstract Landscape Artist

How would you describe your work?

I make paintings and giant installations, which are sort of like sculptures through which people can move around. I am inspired by the poetry of nature: color and light in the landscape, seasons, and the passing of time. In my work I play with color, shape and line to discover what kind of unusual or surprising effects I can create that are evocative of outdoor spaces.

I believe that in an increasingly digital world, it is vital to go outside. My hope is that my artwork will give people the opportunity to dream and to experience joy, and ultimately to inspire them to return to the outdoors and build meaningful connections with others there.

What influences your art most?

Spending time in nature, specifically riding bikes, running and walking all influence my work. All of our senses are awakened when we spend time outside. The rhythm of steps while hiking, the whir and clicks on a bike ride, the changing shapes of light and shadow between trees, the sound of birdsong—the memory of all these impacts on my senses feeds into my process.

How have you evolved, personally, as an artist?

The biggest change for me was after becoming a parent over nine years ago. Becoming a mom gave me focus and helped me prioritize my work. There’s a lot of talk about how parenthood can be challenging for artists, but I think becoming a parent made me a better, more dedicated artist. A couple of months after my son was born, I felt like I would lose my sense of self. It was starting a daily art practice and making something from start to finish that gave me the momentum to keep going. Now with years of consistent art practice under my belt, I understand how important it is to keep making work - something, anything! - even when you don’t feel like it, because that’s how you get to the good stuff. What do you enjoy most about selling at community pop ups and art shows?

I love meeting and talking with collectors. I spend a lot of time by myself working in the studio, so it’s nice to talk about art with people and to hear their plans for artwork in their homes and workspaces. I think going out into the world is an important part of an artwork’s “life cycle.” These events are also a chance to reconnect with other artist friends, and that’s always fun!

How do you carve out time to be creative?

I have to prioritize it. Since I run my own business selling my work and mentoring other artists (and I also teach at UNCSA), there are always things to do, and all of those tasks can easily take over my studio time if I’m not careful. Mornings are the best time for me to work in the studio because I’m not yet thinking about everything else that has to happen during the day. The more judgmental part of my brain tends to be quieter in the morning, and this helps, too. I need a calm, clear head space to work effectively - especially when I’m working abstractly.

What are you working on that excites you right now?

I’ve been working on a painting commission that’s been particularly satisfying to make. It was commissioned by a filmmaker as a wedding anniversary/holiday gift for his partner who is a neurologist. The client asked me to combine stills from one of his films with illustrations of brain cells by the 19th century artist/scientist Santiago Ramon y Cajal, one of his wife’s favorite artists. He trusted me to come up with something using all of those images as references and was open to the finished painting being abstract, rather than looking like any of the photos he sent me. To make the painting, I ended up layering image after image to find new overlapping shapes. Then through a process of finding and combining shapes and playing with color, the painting emerged. It was a fantastic project to work on.

What is one piece of advice you’d like to share with fellow artists?

Big projects are made up of many small steps. One year, I made a small watercolor painting every day for 30 minutes. At the end of that year, I was able to make a whole book of watercolors. I also made a 19-foot tall mountain of paper cranes by folding birds for an hour every day for three straight months.

If you are interested in learning more about Jessica Singerman, you can follow her on Instagram and Facebook @jessicasingermanfineart as well as find her work online at www.jessicasingerman.com. You can also check out her work at Charlotte Russell Contemporary in Raleigh until February 16th.

Modern Vibes:

Old Fashioned Values, The World Of Dating BY GEN CONDON

We live in a world of convenience. Where we can order our groceries with a click, work from home, have lunch from our favorite restaurant delivered in a flash. And every dating app known to mankind is available.

Looking for a farmer? Say no more.

A professional looking for someone in the same field? Have no fear, there’s an app for that.

Want someone with exactly 2.5 cats and a house on a mountain? We got you!

The world of technology has opened doors and made many things more accessible to the busy, hardworking adult. Gone are the days of having to go bars to meet people or engaging in awkward speed dating where you have .25 seconds to get to know someone. Instead, technology has allowed us to sit in the comfort of our homes and engage with various individuals. It has allowed us to explore and get to know someone with safety and anonymity in mind. While it is convenient, there will still be the first date that rattles our nerves, but at least some conversation and getting to know one another has occurred beforehand.

We must not lose sight, however, of oldfashioned values. Opening doors, and first date etiquette, ensuring that respect, honesty, and loyalty are at the forefront of any relationship. While some old-fashioned values might not fit into this day and age’s dating scene (Split the bill? Meet at the date? What is this!?) others will forever be valued. Like straight out of a scene of a Bronx’s Tale, unlocking doors and pulling out chairs will never go out of style, no matter how independent you are. Don’t allow your pride and independence take away from someone showing you how amazing and what a catch you are.

Independence is an asset. Remember that no partner should be needed but rather, should add value and love into your life. Don’t allow convenience to overshadow values that are important because you can take care of yourself. It is okay to be pampered and cared for. After all, you deserve it.

So, embrace the convenience, chat away and have fun finding someone worthy of that first date. But remember, allow those old-fashioned values to be a part of your modern relationship. Allow some nostalgia to seep through, adding the perfect balance of modern vibes sprinkled with old fashioned values.

Midtown Desertery