Defeating Discouragement

by LESLIE SPEAS

Are there things happening in your life that are resulting in feelings of discouragement? Do you sometimes feel like you should throw in the towel? I think we have all felt drained and alone at one time or another. I looked up the definition to shed a little more light on the concept of discouragement. It means “to deprive of confidence, hope or spirit; dishearten, daunt.”

If I’m being honest, I have felt discouraged a lot lately. I have felt God leading me to do certain things – and I have taken the leap and done them (after a little bit of pushing back). I published my second book, From Hot Mess to God’s Best. My publisher required me to purchase a lot of them as part of my contract, and I still have a LOT which has been discouraging. In addition, God has led me to start an HR Consulting Firm, and things are moving slower than I’d like. I know that it’s in God’s timing, but I can’t help but feel a little impatient – and yes, discouraged. But, I am going to keep at it, with the hopes that it will grow.

We are in good company as it relates to feeling discouraged. I’m pretty sure that most of the people in the Bible felt discouraged at one time or another. Here are a few examples:

• Job felt discouraged because his wife and friends didn’t get it. Instead of supporting him, they ended up piling shame and blame on him for his afflictions.

• The disciples felt discouraged when Jesus was crucified (before the resurrection) as they had put their hope in him to redeem Israel (Luke 29).

• Peter felt discouraged with himself when he denied Jesus – not once or twice but three times (John 18)!

Here are 3 strategies to help you overcome feelings of discouragement:

1. Fill your mind with Scripture.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

“Fear not, I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Feel better? These Scriptures have brought me comfort and encouragement.

2. Train yourself to “see” life out of two lenses at the same time. In Romans 12:2. the apostle, Paul, counsels us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I believe that Paul is telling us that our mind needs to be trained to think differently than we may have in the past. Part of this training involves seeing both the temporal (life is hard) and the eternal (God has a purpose for this) at the same time.

Paul shares more about the temporal pain when he says he is hardpressed on every side, perplexed, persecuted and struck down. Yet, he does not become crushed, filled with despair, abandoned or destroyed because he firmly fixed the eternal perspective on things above (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). Paul didn’t allow discouragement to win because he knew that God’s purposes were being worked out.

3. Have faith in God and his timing

We have to remember to have faith and that things will happen in God’s time. It’s not in our abilities to foresee when and how God will work things out.

Reflect

Is there anything in your life that is making you feel discouraged?

What will you do to help you overcome these feelings and persevere?

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by KAREN COOPER

Kindness is not something you would usually associate with conflict, but it can be a very valuable tool when working to de-escalate conflict and ultimately resolve it. There is strength in using kindness as a strategy to recognize the harm that has been caused by the conflict and attempt to set things right. It allows everyone affected to know they are seen and understood and know that an attempt is being made to stop bad feelings from continuing.

This approach to conflict is strong and grounded because it conveys humanity and recognizes the same in another person. It acknowledges that we all have bad days, we all get angry and we all lash out in frustration, sadness or irritation. You can still be assertive and kind. You can still disagree, even argue and be kind. Here are five things to keep in mind:

Check Yourself

Before you can respond in kindness to someone you may be clashing with, you need to observe what triggers your own emotional responses. When you understand your place in the conflict, you can step back from your feelings and decide how you wish to respond; keeping in mind that the other person might simply be having a bad day or your perception of what’s going on may be off. When in doubt, assume goodwill.

Be Sincere

Take the high road, and show the person you’re in conflict with that you genuinely want to resolve the problem. Stay humble in this approach; do not try to manipulate or guilt the other person into a reconciliation. Simply lay your cards on the table, and show that you are ready to work things out in a reasonable and trustworthy way. If you believe you have done something wrong, be quick to offer a sincere apology and acknowledge the other person’s suffering. This will show that you value the other person’s feelings.

Seek to Understand

Work to gain an understanding of the thoughts and emotions that brought you and the other person to this moment. Are there situational aspects at play in the other person’s life that may have caused an unexpected reaction? Is there more you could have done to be sensitive and empathetic? If you reach out from a place of generosity and willingness to understand how you may have blundered in your interaction, it can soften the communication between you and set the stage for a resolution.

Kindness Can Be Creative

Communicating constructively, acknowledging the emotions of the other person and expressing a will to cooperate are all active ways of being kind to the person with whom you are in conflict. There are hundreds of ways that you can demonstrate you are not a threat. A smile is a great starting point, as is open body language, a gentle tone of voice and a willingness to listen.

Is This the Appropriate Response?

If you think showing kindness may not change the situation, sometimes the kindest thing to do may be to allow the person you are in conflict with to continue behaving as they are. This is particularly true if their behavior is irritating to you but has no real damaging effect on you or your wellbeing. For example, it may sometimes be better to walk away from the conflict than try to resolve it. Expressing anger or trying to talk it out may not be the most productive option. The bonus here is that you avoid a difficult conversation.

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For 50 years, Crisis Control Ministry has been helping neighbors facing a crisis. We help with basic needs such as utilities, rent, mortgage, medication and food. In 2022, we provided assistance to more than 18,000 individuals and families at a cost of nearly three million dollars.

We cannot do the work we do without your support. In 2022, 62% of our operating budget came from donations from individuals; and we counted on the support of 1,334 volunteers.

There are many ways for you to help. For more information, to donate, or volunteer, visit our website at www.crisiscontrol.org

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