PFLAG - Sam Dawson

PFLAG

with SAM DAWSON

from Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

This month I am honoured to bring you Atlas’ story as recorded by Wendy Ifrach from Allegra School - a first hand account that I am sure you will appreciate…

High school can be an awkward time of hormones and homework. Sadly for some it’s also a time of experiencing homophobia, with a lack of understanding and acceptance for gender non-conforming and trans people a common experience. As a confident 16-year-old student, Atlas Domberelli openly identifies as nonbinary and uses the pronouns, they/them, but this hasn’t always been the case. “I started in the public school system then, seeking a more challenging academic environment, transferred to a private school,” Atlas said. “At that school I experienced transphobia. I didn’t have supportive friends in my year, there wasn’t acceptance for young people who might be questioning gender or identity. “To cope I flew under the radar – I found if you put your head down and did well academically you would draw less attention. I began building a façade and keeping to myself, I even wore religious jewellery so teachers wouldn’t notice me. It was pretty isolating.” Atlas did have one friend who they felt comfortable enough with to start a conversation. “I think I always knew I felt differently from many of my peers but it wasn’t until early in Year 9 that I was able to voice it,” they said. “I was talking with a close friend about gender and they mentioned they were questioning theirs – it felt so good to be able to say out loud ‘me too’, it was validating for both of us.” Approximately 18 months later, Atlas had the conversation about questioning their gender and identifying as being nonbinary with family members. “That’s not an easy conversation, you can’t be sure of the reaction, but my family, especially my mother, were all so supportive even if there were a few misunderstandings in those early days of explaining how I was feeling.” Atlas also discussed their feelings with friends attending another school. “I had a couple of friends at Allegra School Coffs Harbour, we got talking and when they heard how things were for me, they encouraged me to switch schools.” Allegra School Coffs Harbour is a small, independent school catering to Year 9 and 10 students who find learning and/or socialising in mainstream schools challenging. “It felt amazing to be accepted. No more pretending. At the enrolment interview they asked about my preferred pronouns, it was normal conversation, no big deal. I felt like I could finally breathe and be myself. My family noticed a change in my outlook almost immediately. I’ve always been a positive person but now I was happy again.” Atlas is also on the autism spectrum. “It presents differently for everyone, for me it’s a failure to pick up on social cues and being easily overwhelmed in a noisy, highly active environment. Moving to Allegra I felt I had less on my plate – a small school with less students and an acceptance of who I am just took so much stress away. “My advice to other young people who are questioning is to take a step back, re-evaluate how you feel and seek a safe space. Stay connected, get support/counselling, look online for connections, and find your tribe even if that means different friends or a different school.”

PFLAG is here to give help, support and information to families and friends of all gay people right here on the Coffs Coast. pflagcoffscoast.com PFLAGcoffcoast 0417 861 045