Real Estate - Chris Hines

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REAL

ESTATE

with CHRIS HINES

FROM UNREAL ESTATE

I thought this month I may go off on a little different tangent to start the new year.

What do horror movies and real estate have in common I hear you ask? Easy, in a lot of horror movies the home is central to the plot. I recently read an article explaining this reasoning, please read on...

1. Nosferatu (1922)

There’s nothing like making the property sale of your life, only to fi nd out that your dream client is a member of the blood-sucking undead. This movie is notable because it was an unauthorised adaptation of the book “Dracula” by Bram Stoker. Recently, improved copies of the original movie have been made accessible to the public. This fi lm introduced the concept of vampires being severely harmed and/or destroyed by sunlight.

2. The Amityville Horror (1979)

Perhaps the most extreme case of buyer’s remorse in a fi lm to date, “The Amityville Horror” is based on Jay Anson’s novel of the same name. A family purchases a big house with a big lot in a nice neighborhood for a low, low price... you know that there has to be something wrong with the picture. And there is. A lot wrong. Fortunately for the viewer, the supernatural events claimed to be true in the book and the movie have not been reported by the family presently living in the house. That folks we call ‘non disclosure of material fact’.

3. Poltergeist (1982)

The Australian Dream: the kids, the car, the house... wait... The house has a few problems. Faulty wiring – the living room television turns on by itself. Not level – the coffee urn keeps moving. Weed problems – a tree outside trying to grab the kids and hurl them into a parallel dimension. And having the house implode on you is always another indication that things aren’t entirely sound. You may want to pass on trying to sell this one.

4. The Lost Boys (1987)

A movie that illustrates what’s important about the phrase, “location, location, location”. When you’re looking for a place to raise your two teenagers, perhaps “the murder capital of the world” shouldn’t be your fi rst consideration. That and all those damn vampires.

5. The Haunting (1963)

This is the 1963 version and not the unwieldy 1999 remake. Might keep this one in mind if you decide to check out a house with a dark past. A team of paranormal investigators fi nd that an old mansion contains more sinister forces than mould and termites and loss of equity.

6. The Tenant (1976)

Roman Polanski plays a man who becomes afraid that his landlord and neighbours are trying to mould him into the previous tenant so that he will commit suicide too. This fi lm isn’t a sparkling example of landlord-tenant relations, but it does bring in a good creep factor to rental property investments.

7. The Uninvited (1944)

And no, it’s not about the relatives coming to visit, it’s another case of a well-appointed house being purchased at a suspiciously low price. Of course, the new owner fi nds that there are some supernatural squatters who make life... diffi cult. As in, make it diffi cult to stay alive. As with many other older fi lms, watch this one instead of its remakes.

8. Psycho (1960)

Traumatising shower lovers for nearly 50 years, Psycho features the brooding Bates house that overlooks the Bates Motel. It would be a better investment if its owner wasn’t channelling his murderous mother, but you can’t expect everything.

9. Arachnaphobia (1990)

A doctor moves his family away from the big, bad city to end up fi ghting big, bad spiders. It’s what you get when you fi nd a cheap house in a safe neighborhood: something always comes along to threaten your life. Classic tale for those who are unconvinced of the need for a pest inspection before buying – big South American killer spiders could get YOU.

10. Hot Fuzz (2007)

Not a horror movie per se, but still an exceptionally violent fi lm illustrating that sleepy, well-to-do, neighbourly towns with picturesque heritage houses ALWAYS have something wrong with them, like secret cults murdering wayward villagers.

I suppose although it is a bit of a laugh, it does show us the importance of doing your due diligence when purchasing a home.

In any case, hope you all have a wonderful 2022 and it brings you all you wish.