What I Learned In My Final Year As A Counseling Grad During The Pandemic

I am not quite sure where to start this article because, to be honest, last year was a difficult (to say the least) year. We experienced so much emotionally, mentally, and physically on both a global and personal level. When I look back, I see moments where I didn’t feel so alone (like starting Zoom with my family on Sunday nights) and others where I felt quite the opposite (such as going through a divorce). Amidst all this, I was also in the middle of graduate school completing my masters in counseling. For the first time in this field, we were training how to be counselors while facing the same societal issues as our clients. Here are the top three things I learned during a pandemic heading into the World of Mental Health.

One, that presence matters over perfection. This seems simple and like basic counselor knowledge, but let’s be real…I was in an intensive program and had spent much of my life trying to “be the best” or “fixer” in my family. Despite learning all the techniques, theories, and achieving “perfect” scores, I felt overwhelmed due to the inability to solve my clients' problems. Was I not supposed to have my life and everyone else’s figured out by now? One of my supervisors, Zac Dodson, told me something that really stuck with me and started to challenge my perspective which was that “perfectionism kills presence”. I remember for weeks questioning how my clients continued to grow and heal when I felt so helpless with everything going on. I began to realize what I was offering was presence. Even in my own story, I discovered that there was no quick fix to what was happening to me besides finding a safe space to process, truly be seen, and heard. I often wonder how long it would have taken me (if I wasn’t in this vulnerable state) to realize change is less about what I can “do” and more about being human and recognizing another human.

Two, that grief is important and everyone processes differently. For someone who tries to see the hope in things, I had a lot of let downs last year. I experienced shock and denial over a marriage slipping out of my fingers, anger at certain leaders’ stand on significant issues, sadness observing death happening all over the world, and bargaining with God over my loved ones health. How could I reconcile all my emotions and thoughts and still have hope to make a tiny dent of difference as a counselor? No matter how much I wanted to or saw my clients trying to avoid grief, I saw how much processing these emotions was necessary, therapeutic, and how each person deals with grief in their own way. Grief has no time limit, is not a linear process, and will only affect our bodies and minds when we do not attend to it. Lao Tzu says that “life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” For my clients and I, the more grief was processed, the more relief and acceptance I saw. After accepting oneself, I saw gratitude over the blessings that were present, a feeling of empowerment over what could be changed versus what could not be, the ability to move forward, and a larger space of acceptance for others.

Three, that having a reality perspective can be more positive than positivity. Of course, this is my own perspective but one of the greatest things that has been helpful to myself and clients is reality checking. During this past year, I had clients who would continue to disregard their circumstances, teetering between beating themselves up for not “doing enough” and not being able to “just stay positive”. I was doing it too! It was almost as if we were forgetting that they were in a global crisis and not able to understand why we could not just function as “normal” (whatever that is). We live in a society of “toxic positivity” that states we need to “stay positive” despite unrealistic social media comparisons, mental health illness on the rise, and higher stress demands. As a result, we end up invalidating ourselves and our experiences. Sounds pretty motivating, right? So, I started to ask clients and myself “what is the reality (good and bad) of the situation” and discussed the idea of knowing first where we are in order to know where we want to go. Numerous times this way of thinking seemed to bring an immediate sense of relief because, instead of being caught up in where someone “should” be, it provided a compassionate space for clients to acknowledge where exactly they are, identify how they got there or what’s preventing them from moving forward, and what smalls steps can be made to reach their goal. Walt Disney said "I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter".

I am thankful to my program at Palm Beach Atlantic University and all the amazing professors for preparing me beyond the classroom into real life circumstances. Though I could never have imagined facing so much in my last year of graduate school, I learned a lot about uncertainty, myself, and others. I realized the true value of sitting with someone when you do not have the answers and are struggling on a personal level yourself. Second, the gift of processing grief and, by doing so, the ability to then be able to walk alongside others in their pain. And lastly, the importance and power in identifying where you are realistically in this moment in order to process and plan for what’s next. For me, having all the necessary techniques or right answers is not what the essence of therapy is about anymore. It is about being authentic and creating a safe space where clients can be seen, accepted, and heard. Author Rachel Naomi Remen writes “listening creates a holy silence. When you listen generously to people, they can hear the truth in themselves, often for the first time. And in the silence of listening, you can know yourself in everyone.”

Written By: Melissa Buchanan, MS, Registered Mental Health Counseling Intern

Melissa Buchanan, MS, is a Registered Mental Health Counseling Intern in the state of Florida and received her Master of Science in Mental Health Counseling from Palm Beach Atlantic University. She works with individuals, couples, and families and has been a part of a variety of settings from nonprofits to crisis centers to private practices. Outside of counseling, she enjoys kayaking, reading, and running around with her Shih Tzu Charlie.