Sex & Love
Sticky situation...
HOW TO HELP “It’s important to consult
a doctor who specialises in sexual health, or go for couples therapy,” says Craig – and preferably someone who works in a multi-professional team. “In South Africa, there are many people posing as sex experts or sexologists who aren’t properly trained or registered,” she warns. Visit SexualHealth.org.za to find a credible professional near you. Craig also advises that your man tests his testosterone level if his sexual desire is low. “Typically, sexual health physicians advise a testosterone level of 15 and up as healthy, which is important not only for sexual functioning but for general health and well-being too.” They’ll also do a thorough assessment and sex history, including a medical check-up, as well as a psychological and relationship assessment, plus a check for depression, drug or alcohol abuse. That way, his doc can tailor-make a plan for him. And hopefully, have your sheets seeing some action soon.
TheBlameGame
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24.8% high blood pressure
W O M E N ’ S H E A LT H
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21.5% high cholesterol November 2015
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20.8% heavy boozing WomensHealthSA.co.za
20.2% obesity
“Address any problems with your partner – sooner rather than later,” says sex therapist Dr Margaret Redelman. Here are her guidelines: BY SAYING SOMETHING NICE 1 START
Try, “Honey, I know this is a sensitive issue, but we’re here as a team.” Most people, in their anxiety, rush to say what they want and forget this step. Acknowledging your partner’s feelings will open him up to hear what you’re saying.
NEUTRAL OBSERVATION 2 OFFER
Don’t judge or accuse him – it will only make things worse. Instead, offer him information about your experience of the situation using the word “I”.
Some common issues in men with sexual difficulties, according to a study in the Journal of Sex Research:
29% depression
HowToHave ThatConvo WithHim
3 DISCUSS WHAT TO DO 17.8% anxiety disorders
Tell him your ideas about the next steps that may help with the situation. Ask if he’s open to exploring “what we can do together”. And ask for his input or suggestions.
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“In my practice we see more and more young men with ED and PE, and in about a third of the couples, the woman has a higher sex drive than her partner.” What’s with that? Possibly because of a stressful lifestyle, consuming too much alcohol and not eating healthily and exercising, says Craig. Relationship problems and partner dissatisfaction – like a partner not reaching orgasm, experiencing pain when having sex or not having sexual desire – may lead to lower sex drive in men, she adds. Dr Barry McCarthy, co-author of Rekindling Desire, adds, “The major cause of male desire problems is that the man has lost confidence in predictable erections, intercourse and orgasm and this anticipatory and performance anxiety leads to sexual avoidance. Of course, there are a number of other potential psychological, biological and relationship causes, including pituitary gland problems, having a secret sexual life and anger at your partner.”