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help me, rhonda

WEDNESday, OCTOBER 29

Ages & ages with horse thief ThurSday, OCTOBER 30

Advice for Life’s Persistent Questions

bohannons with pilgrim

Matchmaking. Kind-of.

american mannequins, scott low and the southern bouillon and

After being unlucky in love for some time, I’ve recently changed jobs, and several coworkers are trying to set me up with not one but two eligible male employees. I work in the kind of setting where dating among coworkers is not frowned upon, and I find both to be intriguing guys, so I’m interested. The only problem is my friends playing matchmaker don’t seem to have put much effort in beyond, “I think you should date so-and-so,” and I’m not sure if the attraction is mutual with either candidate. Is there a way I can subtly move things along without seeming overbearing? Considering it was both of my coworkers’ ideas and not mine (if anything, dating has been pretty far from my mind recently), I don’t feel like I’m in much a position to do anything here. Uncertain

we were both visiting other people, we didn’t really have the opportunity to spend much time together beyond that one party (where we did spend basically the entire time together, almost to the point of being rude to our other friends). We all got together one other time during the week that I was there, but Sam and I didn’t get to spend any time one-on-one, and the awkwardness of barely knowing (but liking) each other in front of all our mutual friends didn’t help anything. Sam and I ended up kissing once, and we talked about him coming to see me or viceversa. We’ve been apart about four weeks, and we’re still texting a lot and emailing some. My question: Is it even worth it for me to make plans to see him or for him to come here? I really enjoyed him and am still excited to be talking to him, but I don’t see where this could go. Even if we do get along great in person, we live on opposite coasts. I’m a little reluctant to get pulled into a long-distance relationship. I kind of feel like I should write this off to vacation fun and get on with my life here. Don’t you think? Wavering

Lee Gatlin

It sounds like your coworkers aren’t playing matchmaker so much as they’re making semi-informed suggestions about other single people they know. Which is fine, but, as you point out, doesn’t really move things Whaaaat?? Write off along for you. someone you met and It also sounds like liked who also seemed to you’re interested but not like you? Someone who completely bowled over by lives in an awesome city either of these potential and is inviting you to dates. This is also fine but visit? Someone you know takes some urgency out of is probably not a killer the situation. Since you’re because he’s been vetted not really interested in by a friend of a friend of a pursuing either of these friend? Why would you do guys full-tilt and you all that? work together and you’re If your life here is full interested in dating either and complete and you’re or both of them, I advise not interested in dating, slow-playing it a little bit then yes, write this guy and letting him/them come Please send your questions to off. If the perspective of a to you. few weeks has helped you The next time your advice@flagpole.com or see he wasn’t so right for friends bring up the idea flagpole.com/getadvice you, then yes, write him of your dating one of these off. But I don’t get either guys (or, if you don’t want of those things from your letter. It sounds like to wait, the next time you gently steer the you liked him and are curious to get to know conversation in that direction), dig a little him a little more. Ask your friend to ask her bit. Ask if your friends are sure he’s single, husband to ask his friend about Sam. To make if they know him well, why they think you sure he’s not in a relationship and not a serial should date him, etc. Dig enough that they killer. If those tests come back negative, I know you’re a little bit interested. Sometimes say plan a trip. (A kind of short one—three that’s all it takes to get things going. They or four days.) Either there or here, whichever mention something to another mutual friend you prefer. Traveling there sounds like fun and or to the guy himself, he knows you’re a showing him around here would also be fun. little bit interested and then things start to Once you spend some time together, you’ll happen. know more clearly whether you want to pursue I suspect the wheels are already in motion. things. If you don’t, no problem, he’s a conIf you all work together and people are maktinent away. If you do, you can see how the ing suggestions to you, (the same or other) distance works out. people are probably making the same suggestions to the guys in question. And/or the same idea has likely occurred to the guys themselves. A reader sent this in after seeing the column about taking a landlord to small-claims court. About a month ago, I traveled to Oregon Just a note about security deposits: If the to visit a friend (and her husband and their court finds that you are entitled to a return baby). While I was there, we went to a party of your security deposit, then you are also at the home of one of my friend’s husband’s entitled to court costs (and attorney’s fees). friends. The host also had an out-of-town Depending on how many units the landlord has friend visiting (from Vancouver). I’ll call the (or whether there is a management company, Vancouver guy Sam. Well, Sam and I kind of among other factors), you may also be entitled hit it off at the party. We flirted, laughed a to treble (3x) your security deposit as damages. lot, seemed to have a lot in common and there was definitely a physical attraction. But, since Rhonda advice@flagpole.com

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OCTOBER 29, 2014 · FLAGPOLE.COM

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Profile for Flagpole Magazine

October 29th, 2014  

https://flagpole.com/img/2014/10/29/FP141029.pdf

October 29th, 2014  

https://flagpole.com/img/2014/10/29/FP141029.pdf