Scopes

 Aries

You’re becoming increasingly aware of the unconventional ways people are referring to their loved ones and it is making you crazy. Significant other, or S.O. Why not call them “that thing I know” or “my buddy”. Cough cough Sarah.

 Taurus

Connect with a person next to you on the Shuttle Bus from Fulford. He or she might have a piece of wisdom to share that will change your life forever. Oh wait sorry, that’s not wisdom that’s an odor that sticks. Wow!

 Gemini

This month you won’t know what to believe. Things that are true and things that aren’t true all seem to be blending into one giant story. Luckily nobody else knows if they’re true or not. Just go with it!

 Cancer

Your greatest quality is generosity. With Mercury in your Third House of Giving, now is the time to give without expecting anything in return. Please send all cheques to... wait not cheques, please send all cash to... The Fishbowl Magazine.

 Leo

Make sure to ignore that little voice in your head that fills you full of self-doubt and if you need, yell at it, even if you are in line at Country Grocer.

 Virgo

The planets align to give you the drive to complete any task. You will be a lot happier if you clean your room and wash your dishes. And yes, your roommate paid the me a great deal to say this but seriously, you need to get cleaning!

 Libra

Make sure to listen carefully to your dreams. Becoming a prince impersonator is always the right choice and chicks and guys will dig it. Break out those yellow assless chaps!

 Scorpio

You may find your wheels are spinning and you are going nowhere fast. Just remember to step back and realize that the chain on your bicycle has been broken since last fall. It is likely time to take it to get fixed.

 Sagittarius

Just remember a little bit of birth control can go along way to avoid a major mistake. Oops, I meant self-control. Ah, tomato, tomato.

 Capricorn

We hope this months Spring cleaning helps you accept the fact that you really are a hoarder the rest of the year.

 Aquarius

What the hell is The Water Bearer? Aquarius you so got the shaft. Your unorthodox methods can get many a goal accomplished, however, sometimes those methods include sitting around a lot and kind of being lazy.

 Pisces

The equilibrium of Saturn’s seventh moon alignment with Neptune puts the sun in your water axis this week. That could go either way, so try not to do too much speaking or walking or living.