Waterfly

IN THE WATER. IT TAKES NOTE AS THE WATER SHIFTS. HERE’S THE LATEST GOSSIP FROM THE EDUCATION AND EMPLOYABILITY SECTORS

The Waterfly Sees The Reflection

Boris the Late

Waterfly recently attended the Two Cities lunch at the Intercontinental Hotel, where the Prime Minister Boris Johnson was present as the guest speaker. It had a typical air: a huge number of tables, each one paid for; the sense of occasion perhaps chipped away at a bit by its scale; excitement at being near, if briefly, the centre of power.

Initially it transpired that the Prime Minister would be late. Then it transpired he would be very late – then unfathomably late. But while we waited, Waterfly found it interesting to gauge the different kinds of power that congregate at the top table of life. Dr Selva Pankaj and Lord Rami Ranger maintained close contact with their phones. Sir Martin Sorrell held court cheerfully. “And still we wait,” he laughed at one point.

Then Johnson did arrive and delivered an amusing speech, which turned out to closely track his subsequent conference speech. After listing recent British sporting success stories, he said: “And we’re still only 0.8 per cent of the world’s population – in spite of some of our best efforts.”

What was most extraordinary was the response that ensued after his speech. Around 30 or 40 people hovered round the Prime Minister while he ate his lunch, with the PM looking notably tired up close. Over the speaker system, a voice, panicked and indignant began saying: “Will you please leave the prime minister alone and let him eat his lunch!” Who’d be PM? On the other hand, the food was rather good.

May Week was in June

That occasion sent Waterfly back to a similar event in the same ballroom in the last week of the Theresa May administration. Waterfly recalls sitting a few metres from the then prime minister, whose hands had been visibly shaking throughout. She sat down to polite applause, but not the mobbing endured by Johnson. And what’s the difference worth? Waterfly knows the answer – 80 seats in a general election. But actually, life after Downing Street seems to rather suit the UK’s second female prime minister. At a recent Hospice dinner, May recalls attending her first day at Parliament. “I saw a police officer, and I didn’t know my way round. The officer said: “If you need to know anything, just ask a police officer.” As I left the building on that day, I passed him again and he said: “Interest rates have gone up.” I replied: “I didn’t know that and I’m a member of parliament.” He replied: “If you need to know something, ask a police officer.”

Lady May ( Wikipedia)

Sophia’s Choice

Asthe summer turned to autumn, the world seemed to darken and some people Waterfly tried to contact went on extended holidays. First up was the novelist and journalist Sophia Money-Coutts, whose bounceback read: “Technically I don’t have an office. But I am away from my desk and pretending I’m not looking at my emails while obviously still reading them all. Back in a few days.” We’ve never been so charmed by people not coming back to us – she still hasn’t. We’ll give it time yet.

Blowers’ Blowout

Henry Blofeld was another who Waterfly called in the midst of a holiday. “Oh my dear old thing, I’m so pleased you called,” the familiar voice said. “I welcome this call – I really do.” The former commentator then performed a silent stage whisper: “However, I’m in Menorca where I have a house. And I have promised my wife I will not do anything that could be interpreted by her in any way as work. I work much too hard you see, and I’m 82.” It’s the only honourable way to take a holiday.

Edna’s Way

Henry Blofeld is a well-known bon viveur. So too is the awardwinning writer Edna O’Brien. But in both cases it’s not clear that longevity is tied to sobriety. It was Goethe who said he could go through the works of his friend Schiller and discern the passages Schieller wrote when tired: they would be of inferior quality. Now an insider tells us: “I was once chatting to Edna and she said, “Do you know, I just love writing when hungover.” Cheers, Edna.

After Anthony, James Over at the University of Buckingham, Professor James Tooley has succeeded Sir Anthony Seldon as Vice-Chancellor, and is already following in the great man’s footsteps.

“We’re looking at the possibility of decreasing fees in certain areas to make it more affordable both domestically and internationally,” Tooley tells Waterfly , “but the second possibility is to look at income share agreements. The university takes some of the risk – perhaps it doesn’t charge a fee to a student arriving – then the fee equivalent is paid by the student once they’re in a job.”

But it’s not all about employability he adds: on the car behind while he was sleeping. The policeman had breathalysed the driver.”

“Some students come to university to develop their minds and understanding for the sake of that, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s very clear that in some ways we are only wanting to transmit the best that has been thought and known over the generations, and we do that irrespective of changing fashions and the desires of employers.” It’s called hitting the ground running.

In court, the officer I was cross-examining seemed to be chewing gum. There’s nothing wrong with that although it was a bit discourteous. My first question to the officer was: 'Are you chewing gum?' He said: 'No.'

'Well, what’s in your mouth then?' 'It’s medicinal.' 'Can I see the packet, please?' He said the brand, and I said: 'That’s not medicinal.' The case fell apart from there.' Ah, so that’s how it’s done.

Bad Company

Ata recent gathering of the European Atlantic Group, Waterfly was surprised to see Iain Duncan Smith sharing a platform with Michael Shrimpton. Shrimpton was convicted in 2014 for falsely reporting that Germany was planning a nuclear attack on the 2012 Summer Olympics. One onlooker tells us: “Shrimpton was trying to cosy up to IDS but he was having none of it. I don’t think Shrimpton should be allowed to be a member.” Almost as surprising was what IDS said on his own behalf, reportedly speaking sarcastically about the Tory slogans. IDS is reported as saying:

“Levelling up, what does it mean? The beauty of levelling up and building back better is that it means what you really want it to mean. I’m not going to try and define it.” Yes, no point attempting the possible.

Something for the police to chew on

According to Nick Freeman, the celebrity lawyer, cases can be won on the finest of margins. “The beauty of the job,” he tells Waterfly , “is ultimately you’re dealing with human beings. I dealt with a drink driving trial, in which my client said the car had reversed a few yards and banged