An Intimate Relationship with Yourself: The Practice of Mindfulness
Barbara Morrison (L) MSW RSW Jennifer Schenn-Visentini (R) BSW RSW Morrison + Schenn-Visentini Broadway Counselling & Therapy Suite 201, 626 Broadway Avenue (Five Corners at Broadway & 12th) 306.653.3232 www.broadwaytherapy.ca
This is the third article in a fourpart series on Healthy Relationships.
W
hile we think of relationships as between two or more people, this article will focus on the intimate relationship you have with yourself. How well do you know yourself? Do you think of yourself as always staying the
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same or as growing and changing? Do you give thought during the moments of the day as to what you are experiencing in the here and now? Are you aware of your feelings at various times during the day? Do you recognize when you feel happy one moment and then perhaps scared or confused another moment? Do you recognize when your body feels tight, relaxed, light or tense? Having an intimate relationship with yourself means paying attention in the moment, without judgment, to whatever you are experiencing. Why is this important? According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, the MIT-trained molecular biologist and founder of the MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) Clinic in Boston, “Just stopping to think is a radical act of sanity and love.� Kabat-Zinn was instrumental in introducing mindfulness practice to the Western world. When you become more intimate with what you are experiencing, both emotionally and physiologically, you allow for two important things to happen. First, when you notice feelings of joy, delight, wonder, happiness and fun, you can slow down and feel the Natural Presence of these emotions inside you. You can either increase awareness of these feelings for your own recognition or you may also want to share these feelings with others.
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Second, you can create a sacred pause before you respond to someone. For example, when you become aware of your feelings of anger, you can stop to take a breath and think about what and how you want to communicate. If you are not aware, you may have a kneejerk reaction without slowing yourself down. When you are angry or anxious, your primal instinct is to take flight or fight. When you take care of your anger or anxious feelings, you become more aware of your body tightening, fists and jaws clenching, and stomach churning. A pause to inhale and exhale several times helps you to slow down, thereby having a better opportunity to engage your brain in order to think before you speak. When you have a desire to create peaceful relationships, it is necessary to become intimately aware of your own emotions and to what is happening in your body. When you get scared, fearful or anxious, the two almond-shaped parts of your brain called the amygdalae essentially hijack the prefrontal cortex (PFC). The PFC is responsible for executive functions such as reasoning, problem-solving, concentration, memory and differentiating conflicting thoughts, to name a few. Again, by slowing yourself down to pay attention to your internal experience, you can perform a radical act of sanity and love by stopping to think before you speak. Slowing down also allows for positive emotions to be felt and shared.