LIVING WELL with FIBROMYALGIA September 2014 Volume 3 Issue 3 by Fibro modem

Volume 3 Issue 3 September 2014

Living Well with Fibromyalgia

What I have to Say? By: Melissa Swanson email: fibromodem@fibromodem.com blog: fibromodem.com Facebook page: www.facebook.com/FMawareness Twitter: @Fibromodem Shop at: cafepress.com/fibromodem Guest Editor: Melissa Swanson FibroModem welcomes your feedback, comments and any appropriate contributions to further editions. If you wish to contact FibroModem, please use the email address: fibromodem@fibromodem.com © Copyright FibroModem 2012-2014 The views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those endorsed by FibroModem .

I want to Thank you Fibro Modem for giving me the opportunity to edit this edition of Living Well with Fibromyalgia. I was fortunate to have such a great group of writers willing to contribute their time to making this a wonderful experience. I chose Success to be the theme for this issue. Pretty sure it is not very common to see the words Fibromyalgia and Success in the same sentence. So why choose Success? Fibromyalgia has given me a new look at life. I have learned to EMBRACE CHANGE and look for the good in every situation. I have gained strength thru learning how to manage my symptoms and have created lifelong Friendships. I believe through education, positive affirmation & a great support team we can still live our life. The key words are “LIVE LIFE”. Would I love it to go away? Of course. It isn’t going anywhere soon. So in the meantime I am a Fibro Warrior~Living Life. Read more This is My Life ~ Surviving Fibromyalgia and Facebook page: Fibro Warriors ~ Living Life

Advertisers Should you wish to advertise a product in this newsletter, please contact FibroModem at admin@fibromodem.com. You can view previous issues of LIVING WELL WITH FIBROMYALGIA by visiting FibroModem.com and clicking the link (in the right column) to the issue that you would like to view.

This Issue 4. Is Kratom for you? 6. What does Success mean when you have Fibromyalgia? 8. Allow your Spirit to Soar 9. What to say to a Critic? 12. Lord Hear my Prayer 14. Success 16. Fibromyalgia Cutting Edge Information 17. Choosing Happy 18. Peace in the Midst of Pain

Is Kratom for you? Since this edition is about “success,” I thought I would share something that helps me be successful. It’s herbal incense called Kratom. After my first few years with FMS/CFS I decided to try opiate therapy. The pain was just too great for me to accomplish anything worthwhile. Add that to the fatigue and I was an unholy mess. I figured things couldn’t get any worse. And they didn’t…for a while. When I first started opiate therapy I was over the moon. Opiates affect me very well. I don’t feel tired, I feel energized! I don’t feel lethargic, I feel motivated! I feel like superman. During the first year or so things were pretty good. Tolerance became an issue so there was some dose adjustment. Eventually they moved me to OxyContin. Year 2 was all downhill. I started taking more pills than I was supposed to, thus running out early and getting sick. I was no longer medication dependent; I was addicted to the high. Eventually, I withdrew from the program. I’ve known myself long enough to know I was not going to be able to do this in moderation. It just felt too good. There was no denying I was much more functional before tolerance and addiction became a problem. Opiates just work well with my body. In walks Kratom. Kratom is sold as herbal incense and is legal in most countries. There is a handful in which it is banned so do your research. No one is responsible for what you order except yourself! Kato’s consistency is that of very finely crushed tea leaves. There are plenty of places on the net to search out its many different uses, however, the only legal way to buy it, is herbal incense, not for human consumption. Kratom is also like an apple tree in that there are many varieties, each having their own aroma. When the incense is used, a different effect occurs. Some are cerebral and energizing. Some are pain killing and sedating. Some are a mixture of both. You can even mix and match them for your taste.

At this point you might be wondering what the differences are between Kratom and Opiates. Well Kratom affects the body like a very light opiate. You can feel the mild effects. It also has a built in stop mechanism. If too much incense were used, you would feel a bit ill. The feeling of being carsick is the best way I can describe it. Opiates however, the more the merrier. With Kratom, even an experienced user quitting cold turkey, anything that could be labeled a “withdrawal” symptom is light and tolerable, whereas coming off opiates is horrible. I’ve been using Kratom on and off since I came off opiates a few years back and it has helped me tremendously. No other substance I’ve come across has been as helpful and useful in the long term as Kratom has for me. Keep in mind I discussed it with ALL of my Dr's before using it and did my research. I suggest you do the same. Like all products I’m sure it will not be for everyone. But if you have a problem with opiates like I do, perhaps it can help you. Saveonkratom.com is where I have found the best products at the best prices. Great service and a well put together team. I have been all over the Internet looking for “The Best.” I found them and have not been anywhere else since. Disclaimer: I do not work for them; they have not paid me - not in money, nor in free product. It’s simply a great place to go. I would be remiss if I did not mention them. In conclusion success for all of us is often a hard goal to achieve. I spend an awful lot of time in these articles talking about how we can defeat ourselves mentally and how to avoid doing that. Or how to think to succeed; and what mindset we should try to maintain in order to achieve it. No matter how you slice it, success is difficult for us, whether it’s a bar we set for ourselves, or one that’s been set for us, it can often seem just out of our reach. Some days we need a physical boost to get us there and for those of us who have no other alternatives (MMJ, Opiate Therapy) Kratom might be the answer. It’s almost all the positives of opiate therapy without the negatives. That’s pretty unusual. Do your research. Consult your Dr. See if it might help you. It’s put me on the path to success when I need a boost. And unlike Opiate Therapy, when I need it, it’s there, when I don’t, I can put it aside. I’m not a slave to anything I don’t want to be. I’m very happy I found it…you might be too. Please remember when any new product is discussed:

ALWAYS consult your physician before introducing a new substance into your routine. Joshua David is a 34-year-old Boston resident and copywriter who was diagnosed with FMS and CFS at age 26. Joshua enjoys poetry, pottery and dog training. He can be found at Squidoo, his Wordpress website, Facebook, Twitter, and the Men with Fibro Community. With a beautiful wife whom he adores, a dog and cat, Joshua finds his hands, heart and days, full and satisfying.

Amy is the owner/author of The Fibro Fog, as well as the correlating Facebook page. Her blog has been voted as one of the top 15 Fibromyalgia blogs of 2014 by Healthline, and has received this honor for 3 consecutive years. The blog has also been certified for medical accuracy by an M.D. through Healthline. She also was featured in articles by Dr. Sanjay Gupta in both January and February of 2014. Amy presents a motivational seminar full of tips and tricks for living with a chronic pain illness. For more information about the seminar or to book her for a public speaking engagement, please see her blog. Amy is a 43 year old single mom to four now-grown children, and suffers from Fibromyalgia along with several other chronic conditions. She's getting ready to undertake the task of writing a book about the daily trials of living with chronic pain and fatigue illnesses.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of success is: suc•cess noun \sək-ˈses\ : the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame : the correct or desired result of an attempt : someone or something that is successful : a person or thing that succeeds The key element to look at here is "the correct or desired result of an attempt". Taking this definition into consideration, success is completely relative. What one person deems as success may differ from that of another. People with Fibromyalgia, or any chronic illness, tend to be their own worst critics. Afraid that others will think we're just being lazy, we tend to aim too high and push too hard a lot of the time. We throw ourselves into pain, fatigue, and insomnia flares by overcompensating for the times that we are down. No matter what we accomplish in a day, or a week, or a month we never feel like we have accomplished enough. We don't feel "successful" in our everyday lives. Unfortunately society as a whole has put us in that mindset. Way too many people, the majority of "normals" in fact, don't know enough about our illness to make

educated comments or to even form an educated thought about it. Years ago when people started to hear about Fibromyalgia, they'd just hear "that's a garbage can diagnosis given to hypochondriacs". Another old one that went around was "Lazy people make up those symptoms to try and get a Fibromyalgia diagnosis". People had heard that there wasn't any medical evidence of Fibromyalgia truly existing and therefore didn't believe in the diagnosis. Worried about what the uneducated people will think of us or what they'll say behind our back, pushes us beyond our limits and allows us to set our goals too high for a person with our condition. We tend to get angry with those in our family or our community that think we don't do enough, but we have to take a hard look at ourselves and our way of thinking too. Stop allowing yourself to feel bad if you leave the dishes sit in the sink for a night. Don't feel like you're "less than" if you have a basket of clean clothes sitting in your room that hasn't been put away yet. Don't let yourself feel like a failure! Stop thinking that you're not successful, and start looking at all the things you are successful at. If you're in a flare, and you get out of bed in the morning, that is a success. It may not be for a "normal", but it IS for a Spoonie. If you get out of your pajamas and get dressed, that is a success. If you cook a meal, that is a success. If you take a shower that is a success. It drains a lot of energy to get undressed, stand under the hot water, bend and reach to wash your body, raise your arms above your head to wash your hair, dry off, get redressed, then finally go collapse somewhere! To a normal, that's all taken for granted. To a spoonie, it's really hard sometimes to do. Personally, I've had times that I'm starving. Literally sick to my stomach feel like I'm going to vomit starving, yet I just hurt too badly and am too fatigued to get up, go make food -even if it's just a sandwich or microwaving something frozen, to eat. The thought of even moving the fork from the dish to mouth repeatedly seems like way to much of an effort. I know you all have had that same feeling before. I know, because that's the life of a fellow Fibromite. A "normal" would never ever understand the scenarios I've written about above. If they can't understand that, how can we expect them to think the way we think? We can't. What we need to do, is to stop worrying about if someone else thinks we're successful or not, and look at our individual lives. Don't be too hard on yourself. Stop thinking of success in the same manner as a "normal" would. I know that every single one of you have successes every single day in your life. Stop and think about what you've succeeded at for the day. Then think about what you've been successful at for the week. Then for the month. After you think about that for a few minutes, I want you to allow yourself to feel proud of how successful you truly are. The biggest success of all for each and every one of you? Being with us. Fighting through the pain, fatigue, and depression each and every day. You're successful, and don't ever forget it or let anyone tell you any different. Much Love and Gentle Butterfly Hugs To Each and Every One Of You, Amy -The Fibro Frog

by; Clarissa Shepherd Author - Find Your Way: A Guide to Natural Healing Those of us surviving chronic illness walk a very different road than most. Functioning, while living with pain, exhaustion, brain fog, sensory overload and more. Then add in the loneliness, isolation, anxiety and depression and you find yourself overwhelmed by it all. It’s not only about where we are today, but about how long we've been here. Unlike some illness, when we speak of ours, it’s in terms of years, not days or weeks. We all suffer the loss of things undone, lives not lived, events missed, and the days yet to come. Being misunderstood by society, friends, and family, can lead to a place of despair. However, it’s in the place of sadness and darkness that you find your true strength. You learn to flourish, even in your pain. You find new and creative ways to live. You appreciate the simple things of life that most people take for granted. In order to survive chronic illness, we must shift our thinking, concerning what productive, now means to us. Your limitations are, just that, limitations. We need not allow other people, nor society, to define us or impose their ideas of self-worth onto us. You are a vital human being. This illness is not of your own making. It’s not who you are. It’s just where you are. You show your strength and courage with each breath you take, every obstacle you overcome, each time you learn new ways to cope. You are fearless, even in your pain. When you hear those voices of defeat speaking to you, tell yourself that you're not defeated by this. You're only learning to maneuver on a different path. Realizing this is empowering. Know you're courageous, even when you don't feel you are. Know you're strong, even when you don't feel you are. Know that living life, in a different way, is not giving in or giving up. It’s regaining power that was already within you. You've grown and flourished despite, chronic illness. You show your bravery, by staring illness in the face, moving through it each and every day, with grace and perseverance. We walk this journey together. A kinship, of the heart. A combination of many different people from many different backgrounds, yet one in spirit. There is strength in numbers and for us, knowledge is power. Be kind to yourself. Respect who you are. Love the person that you've grown to be. My wish for you is that you will see this in yourself. That you'll bask in this truth and that this truth will rest on you, settle in you, and allow your spirit to soar.  

Link for the USA Link for Europe 8

Sue Ingebretson

What to Say to a Critic When I mention the word “critic,” who do you envision? Is it the crusty and grumbling pair of critics, Statler and Waldorf who sat in the balcony at the Muppet Show? They heckled their way through every performance. Or maybe you’re thinking of the fastidious food critic, Anton-Ego, from the movie Ratatouille? As you can tell, I’m a big fan of sophisticated entertainment. If it makes me laugh – and especially if it makes my family laugh – then it’s a winner in my home. We truly love to hate critics, don’t we? We boo and hiss at those who criticize our favorite movies, celebrities, TV shows, and books. Let’s look at the Disney movie character, Anton-Ego, specifically. What is it about him that we love to hate? I can hear you shouting your answers from here. Anton-Ego is arrogant, obnoxious, selfcentered, closed-minded, and … yes, he has an enormous ego. What if I were to tell you that there exists a far worse critic, and that you know her (or him) intimately? The worst critic you could ever imagine is not in your imagination at all. That critic lives in your head 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Yep – it’s your own inner voice. As a child, you likely heard this from a parent, Don’t believe everything you hear. But here’s what else you should have been told, Don’t believe everything you THINK! We have a natural disconnect between what we think and what we say out loud. Of course, that’s a good thing. We’d probably end up alone in an apartment with 13 stray cats if we said every thought that popped into our heads. Our thoughts are not always kind or useful, are they? We also have a natural disconnect between what we think, and the validity we place on what we think. We often tell ourselves that we’re “just being realistic” or that we’re simply “honest” with ourselves. Seriously? Imagine analyzing your reflection in a department store dressing room as you try on a new pair of jeans. If you’re like most of us, your eyes would go directly to your greatest perceived flaws. Some of you may think:    9

If I just lost 5 pounds (or 15, or ….) these would look so much better. I look just like XX (someone you’d never want to look like) I can’t believe I’ve let myself go

Others of you may have thoughts that aren’t as kind:    

I look like a denim-covered slob I’ll never get a handle on my life I’m such a loser I failed at my last diet and every diet and can’t ever stick with anything

Ouch. If that’s honesty, I could do without it all day long. I’m a great student of the human mind. I’m fascinated by how and why we think what we do. I’m particularly interested in the subconscious mind, because my field of work depends on helping others to adapt to and embrace healthy lifestyle changes. I’m always intrigued with the reasons behind why some thrive with change and others, not so much. Here’s what you need to know about the subconscious. It. Doesn’t. Like. Change. The subconscious mind works very hard to keep you safe. If you never change, never try anything new, never dip your toe in the pool and dive in, you’ll be safe. The problem is that the methods used by the subconscious mind, are really quite sneaky. One particularly sabotaging method is repetition. How often do you find yourself repeating something in your head over and over? When this happens, it’s not usually something positive. We find ourselves repeating our own insults as well as the ones coming from others. A few years ago, I gave a lecture on general nutrition and felt all pumped up for the event. I’m very passionate about the body’s ability to heal, and absolutely love sharing this information. I talked about foods that support the body and foods that cause trouble. I talked about hydration, fitness, and stress-management techniques. My props and presentation slides were attractive, fun, and engaging (if I do say so). Yet, in the Q and A afterward, there was one person who definitely had an agenda. I won’t go into detail about her personal attack on me, but suffice it to say that what she said didn’t matter. It was the intention behind it that really had steam. It was very hurtful and I can vividly remember feeling verbally scalded. There were hundreds of people at that event. I signed people up for my programs, autographed and sold copies of my book, and had great conversations with many of the attendees. I even had people tell me that the objectionable person has “issues” and had lashed out at other lecturers in the past. But, of all the overwhelmingly good things I heard, what do you think spun around in my head on the way home? You guessed it. It was the nasty comments from ONE person. Her words stung like the dickens. I repeated them over and over in my head until I got all worked up physically. I got a headache. I felt sick. I wanted to lie down. I wanted to quit lecturing. I wanted to quite writing. I wanted to quit breathing (well, almost). Have you ever done this? I bet you have. It’s easy to point out that our inner critic serves a purpose, but I think it’s more important to focus on what purpose it does not serve. Here’s the scathing reality: The inner critic is not a teller of truths.

In fact, your inner critic is a purveyor of lies. The most effective lies are the ones with bits of truth woven in for quasi-authenticity. Your inner critic uses this skill to perfection and makes the digs really count. After all, your critic knows all of your deepest and darkest secrets. What can you do about it? Here are a few thoughts on keeping your inner critic from getting the upper hand. 1. It takes awareness of your critical thoughts in order to take action. Start to pay attention to the criticisms that rattle through your mind – especially the ones that are repeated over and over. 2. Once you become aware, really analyze each thought for the inner kernel of truth. You’ll soon recognize a pattern. You’ll notice enough truth for you to buy in, but not enough to make it 100% true. Remember that while there may be an ounce of truth in the thought, there’s usually a pound of fiction. 3. Notice that your inner critic uses harsh terms such as always, never, should, can’t, etc. This is a great place to start challenging your thoughts. If your inner critic says that you “never” succeed, realize that can’t possibly be true. Black and white statements can’t measure up to scrutiny. We are not “always” wrong or “never” right. 4. Pay attention to the thoughts, ideas, dreams, goals, visions, etc. that you’d like to be thinking about instead. Make them an intentional focus. Here’s the best news of all. With practice and intention, the inner critic can be tamed. As you begin to shift your thinking toward a more positive future, you’ll notice that formerly nasty voice going from a shout to a whisper. And, when the inner critic is silenced, the body as a whole can breathe a sigh of relief. That breath may be the very thing you need to get clarity on what steps you’ll take next on your own healing journey.

To learn about the ingredients in typical everyday foods, you’re invited to sign up for Sue’s free Stop Feeding Yourself PAIN guide

Theresa has done a variety of things including personal spiritual coaching, writing a book, newsletters, poems, and free-lance for Christian media, and was an Avon leader and representative for five years before giving it up to focus on caring for her granddaughter. She feels her most important work has been raising her three children and being actively involved in family along with her husband of 27 years

One year ago in March, I wrote out a prayer asking God for help to move into the larger town a half hour away from where we currently lived. I was comfortable living in my little house in a rural area, but I knew it was not good for me. My Fibromyalgia was getting worse as I sat inside my house in my chair day by day, doing nothing but letting depression take over my life. I had stopped driving because of my medications and exhaustion, and that meant if I wanted to go anywhere I had to ask someone to take me. I refused to ask someone to drive me because I hated to inconvenience others with my small needs. My husband was already exhausted from a long day at work, and most of the time he had to make supper and do the things I never got around to also. I felt useless and hopeless, other than an occasional visit from my Avon customers who had to pick up their own orders. But it seemed as if God wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t listening to my prayer because there was no opportunity to move. We looked everywhere and there simply was no place to rent in our budget. It was as if all doors were closed and my prayer had been put aside. Then one day my son and his wife called us, and asked if they could live with us. They both had good jobs in a city a couple of hours from us, but were struggling with college loans and now that she was pregnant they were afraid that they would not be able to afford day care. They asked if I could babysit to help them out if they moved in with us. I was terrified that I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t physically take care of a baby, but there was no way I would ever say no to my children needing a place to live. So I said yes. I started praying for a miracle to be able to take care of the baby when it arrived, even asking others to pray for the same thing. We discarded our hopes to move, and I began to think that maybe we were meant to stay there so that we could help our kids out. The kids came over and fixed up the upstairs for themselves, doing some painting and minor repairs. In September they moved in, and immediately they took over the house. My son was especially anxious about his first baby, and went to work cleaning and decluttering things, even as I tried to argue that I needed each item he was throwing out. With them trying to improve the house for their needs, it became an emotional time of change for all of us. Only the thin threads of love kept us together each day, along with hopes of a healthy baby. On a cold November night I woke up to find my daughter in law in serious labor pain. We all went to the hospital and as each hour went by I felt more anxious for her and the baby. It was a long, exhausting ordeal, but finally the most beautiful baby girl arrived, and thankfully both mother and baby were in good health. I absolutely could not wait to put that granddaughter in my arms,

but the young couple was exhausted and needed their rest, so we went home tired, happy and relieved. When I finally had some time to hold that innocent beautiful baby the next day, my problems immediately took a back seat. She and I quickly formed an unshakable bond and I learned to sense what she needed. My daughter in law went back to work as soon as she was able, leaving me full responsibility. I was amazed that as I took care of her, my back grew stronger and I felt more capable. I still had pain, but I was able to do whatever needed to be done. I knew that God had answered my prayer for the miracle to be able to take care of her. Even though the baby was doing well, the rest of us were frazzled trying to live together. One night I went off by myself crying to God, imploring Him to help us. In my quiet time with God, I saw that it was now time to move to the town we had wanted to before. I knew in my heart that God was telling me to let go of the house and let the kids stay there. I knew that everything would fall in place and we would find a place to live where we wanted. I felt horrible about not being with the baby, but I had to trust God. I came back home that night to find my son waiting and concerned for me. I told him that we were going to move, and he asked if I would still watch the baby in our new place. Of course I would! His wife worked in the town we were going to move to, so she could easily drop the baby off before work. Just like that, everything that had seemed impossible the year before fell into place. We rented the first place we looked at since it was in our budget and had everything we needed. We moved almost exactly a year from the day of my original prayer. Things even got better. My son and daughter in law ended up following us to the same town, due to the house being put up for sale, so now we are only minutes from each other. I still struggle daily with Fibromyalgia. It is a hard thing to live with, not knowing what my body will do each day. But when that baby girl comes smiling at my door, and into my arms, somehow I feel whole again. I am needed and able to give love and care. I am on the floor with her, outside walking her in the stroller, holding her in my lap in the mornings as we reconnect with each other. I have lost weight, gained some strength, and even done a little driving here. I have people around me at all times, and the dog park is a short walk away. Last year I could not have imagined how much my life was about to change with one little baby. Now I know that God did hear my prayer, but it had to be in His timing and His order and His way really is perfect. No amount of money could give me what she has brought to our life. God has brought springâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new life to me and my husband as we tend to our granddaughter together. I commented the other day to my husband that people talk about the good ole days because they didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t realize how good they had it back then. But for us, whatever tomorrow brings, today we are in the good ole days. There will always be struggle and sorrow, but even with Fibromyalgia, at the end of a long day of babysitting, I can still say, today was a good day.

Julie-Anne is an award-winning author and professional speaker who sits on the Governor’s Advisory Council on Mental Health. After finding her own way out of the darkness, she hopes to help others do the same. The incidents mentioned in this article are covered in depth in her autobiography, Fallen Angel Rising (written under pen name Bridgette C. Kent). For additional information on speaking engagements, blogs, quotes and contact information, see her website or Facebook page

Success; No two people define it the same way. Not only would you define it differently than I would, but the person I am today would define it differently than the person I was yesterday, as would you. In my late 30s, I finally felt successful. I had a fabulous physique, a country home that I loved, a sporty red convertible and had just started my “dream job” as a 911 dispatcher. I didn’t have long to cherish this feeling. Soon, my world was turned upside down. Throughout my 17-year career in emergency services, I struggled to relate to people with mental illness or depression. I wondered why they couldn’t see that their problems weren’t that bad, or why they didn’t just “change their thoughts.” In 2008, when I began sleeping too much and struggling with every-day activities, I blamed long work hours and a second-shift schedule. I refused to consider depression. By then, I felt like a complete failure. I hated myself for not being able to “snap out of it.” Just as I had judged others, I now judged myself. On December 7, 2008, I took a lethal overdose of pills and lay down to die. Fortunately, “mother’s intuition” saved my life. From 30 miles away, my mom somehow knew. She called my next-door neighbors and my best friend, and I woke the next day on a ventilator in the ICU. For the next year, success meant simply surviving. I was fortunate that the chemical and hormonal imbalances in my body were easily identified and corrected. When they were, I was fascinated to see how those imbalances had changed my perception and reasoning ability. I finally understood mental illness. Unfortunately, my colleagues and supervisors still held the same judgments that I once did. I was harassed relentlessly until I took an emergency leave in January of 2010. I knew that my workplace was threatening my well-being and that I could not return. I started a company and planned to build the business when I returned from a February cruise with family and friends. It was not to be. On that cruise, I was struck

with pain and fatigue like nothing I had known before. Once home, I fell into bed and slept for a week. The following Monday, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably already experienced the stigma of Fibromyalgia. With a “known psychiatric history” it is even worse. When I was still crying in pain after trying the basic fibro drugs, my doctor said that it wasn’t “just fibromyalgia and depression.” He told me I had a “dissociative disorder that would require intensive inpatient psychiatric evaluation & treatment.” Imagine hearing that from your doctor. If I wasn’t depressed before, I was now. Needing to know, I fought for a week to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. When they refused to admit me, I finally said I was suicidal. To this day, I don’t know if I was or not. I only know that I was desperate – for pain relief and for answers. After ten days in the hospital - with psychiatrists, psychologists, pain doctors and physical therapists - I was released with a diagnosis of…“Fibromyalgia and depression.” (Shocking, I know.) By now, I had been out of work for nearly a year, was almost completely homebound, needed a cane to walk and had put on 100lbs. With little hope of ever living a “normal” life again, I was angry at fate and the world. I wanted my old life back. My life had always been about helping others. Now that I couldn’t even walk, how would I ever help anyone else again? In mid-2011, I sold my home and moved into the small apartment that my family built for me in my brother’s lake home. I had recently found a great doctor, and things were looking up. Eventually, I came to terms with what was and realized it was up to me to turn that in to what could be. While I could no longer help others as a firefighter/EMT/911 dispatcher, I could still make a difference. I knew there was value in my story and that by sharing it I could prevent others from suffering as I had for the last few years. My autobiography (now called Fallen Angel Rising under the pen-name “Bridgette C. Kent”) was published in early 2012 and quickly won two international awards. I soon began hearing from people all over the world who were inspired by the things that I shared in the book, on my blog and on my Facebook page. They were thanking me for offering hope and for sharing their story. People who thought they were alone in the world saw their story in mine and no longer felt alone... Helping others was helping me in a profound way. I had my purpose back and could contribute again. Illness has taught me that success is not about how I look, what I do for a living or the things I own. It is not what other people think of me, how many friends I have or how many books I sell. To me, success is overcoming the challenges that I’ve been given to live a life of purpose. It is using my darkness to light the way for others and finding a way to change the world, even when my world has changed. Some days, success simply means loving me despite the limits of fibromyalgia. Other days, it is shattering those limits to achieve what once seemed impossible. I now define success as making a positive difference in the lives of others. When we make a positive difference in even one life, we change the world for the better. Everyone, no matter their challenges, can be successful in this way.

Celeste Cooper is a blogger and the author of several self-help books, the Broken Body, Wounded Spirit, Balancing the See Saw of Chronic Pain [Series] and Integrative Therapies for Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Myofascial Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, (co-author, Jeff Miller, PhD), and contributing author to Fibromyalgia Insider Secrets: 10 Top Experts. She is also a freelance writer on fibromyalgia and chronic pain, and she is a pain advocate as a participant in the Pain Action Alliance to Implement a National Strategy (PAINSproject.org). She has a website devoted to fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, myofascial pain syndrome and other overlapping and invisible pain and illnesses, which also includes helpful links and information on managing and coping with chronic illness. Celeste has experienced personal struggles trials, setbacks, and successes as the result of illness, which she beliefs gives her the empathy necessary to be a patient advocate. She continues to walk that walk, and understands there are times when that road can be narrow, sometimes becoming enmeshed in its surrounding. She now advocates for education, change, awareness, and research, and her goal is to share ways to overcome obstacles and turn â&#x20AC;&#x153;road blocksâ&#x20AC;? into a path full of opportunities. Watch the interview between Celeste and Anthony Castelli, Attorney at Law, called Fibromyalgia Cutting Edge Information and Help.

Choosing Happy

My name is Dawn. I am a 45 year old wife, and mother of a 13 year old son. I celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary on August 24th! I am a 20 year Fibro Warrior. I have had to give up so much in the last two years, as a result of fibro, but I still have much to be thankful for. Attitude is almost half the battle...so; I'm halfway to a cure 

Each day we are presented with choices:   

What will I wear? What will I eat? How will I accomplish this task?

Our attitudes are also a choice. Living with fibromyalgia certainly presents plenty of opportunity to choose to have a bad attitude, but I have found my attitude affects how I feel. If I decide I am having a bad, I generally have a really bad day. On the other hand, when I am having a bad day, if I can just fight thru the feelings of frustration, anxiety, pain, unease, depression, fatigue, and fog, I may not have a great day, but it is always a lot better than when I give in. Life is good. I feel fortunate and blessed to wake each day, be able to move, even if it takes a while. There are those who cannot move at all. I am thankful for little victories throughout my days, and cheer my brain on when I remember something, or do things right the first time around ;) It isn't always so easy! Sometimes I never get it right. Those times are most frustrating, and make me feel quite inept. However, I choose to laugh at myself more often than not, and realize it feels much better than crying or feeling sorry for myself! I force myself to have good days, because life is short, and I will enjoy the moments I can because I am… 17

Maureen DiOrio has a B.A. in Fine Arts, Drama. She has been onstage dancing, singing and acting since she was quite young and still tries to nurture that passion when she can. She enjoys reading, writing, and being with friends and family, the beach, the warmth of the sun and laughing. Married for almost 16 years, she and her husband have two sons, ages 13 and 7. Maureen has Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Migraines, Depression and Myofascial Pain Syndrome.

For many years I have read articles, blogs, and books about the phenomenon of people suffering from terrible pain who were able to separate from their pain and find inner peace despite their afflictions. I read of meditation, and tried it. Sadly, my ADD mind never seemed to cooperate. Typically, this is how it would go: "I am still. I am peaceful. My pain is here but I am at peace. I am, oh man I HAVE to remember to make that dentist appointment for the kids. Oh! And, I have GOT to remember to pay that parking ticket. Why can I never get anything done?! Oh no! My breathing! Okay, start over. Deep breath in, and out. Damn, how did I miss that gigantic cobweb over there? I wonder how long THAT has been there? Okay, seriously? This is not working. I feel more stressed than before and I have things to do! " In 2005, a friend of mine died of cancer. I've lost a few really special loved ones to cancer now and each time it has been, well, awful. Cindy, in particular, taught me a lot about being sick. I watched her and she was real. She cried, she motored through, she lived, she got angry, she continued trying. In the midst of it all, her faith got stronger. Cindy was the first person who taught me how suffering can be a gift. I knew her cancer was spreading and when she first spoke of how suffering could be a gift, my assumption was that the disease was affecting her mental capacity. I listened to her and over time found myself drawn to her words. In suffering and pain, she would say, we can find an inner peace and calm that is unavailable to us when we are well. We also have more time to think of others. We can pray more, and give more of our time to others. True, we may not be able to cook, clean; shop but we can give the gift of time. How often do we Fibro Warriors get our self worth entangled in what we do for a career, how much we have "done" around the house, how organized our kids' rooms are, how many home cooked meals we have prepared each week, and how we should look?

What happens when we, fatigued, pain filled and teary eyed women, instead, stop for a few moments and look inside ourselves and listen to what is going on in there? It is hard to do. I know! We are living in a modern society that is not very encouraging of women to slow down. Just Be. We are the multi-taskers, the super moms, the "pretend it is all great with a smile on our faces and collapse behind closed doors sobbing women". We are supposed to be the independent women who say, "Oh, no. I'm fine. I've got this". But, really, do we? Of course not! Certainly not every day. Even women who do not have chronic illness and pain, need support and help. So, when we sit down and put our feet up or are lying on the couch or in bed, we have a choice. We can turn off the TV, unplug, and just breathe and close our eyes and listen. If you are like me, you will have a bunch of random thoughts fly through your head similar to the ones from the earlier paragraph. Smile and notice those thoughts and instead of criticizing yourself, you can smile at that part of you but continue to breathe. Imagine what your insides look like or what texture they feel like. Are they rough and red? Angry? Empty? Do you feel knotted up in your stomach? Do you feel just nothing? There is no right or wrong answer. Just take the time to be aware of them and notice your pain. Where is it? Sometimes when I do this, it is easier to find where my pain is not. Well, let's see....my ear lobes don't hurt. My pinky toe is feeling just ducky today. Keep taking deep breaths. This is not magic or rocket science. This is not a cure or a way to make pain disappear. In the past, these kinds of articles annoyed me. Actually, that is an understatement. They made me very angry. When suggested an exercise such as the one I am suggesting above, it felt condescending and seemed to diminish the pain and fatigue I experience daily. I would equate it to someone telling me that the pain of childbirth is not really pain but a beautiful "sensation". Um, yeah. So, please stay with me. I am on your side. However, I have had a recent breakthrough in therapy and I am learning how to separate my physical pain from my emotional being. For example, I can be in a high amount of pain. I close my eyes and I can feel my pain throbbing in my shoulders, neck, hips, knees, elbows, you name it. While I am still, I swear I can feel the vibrations of the pain ripple through my body. It feels swollen, red and angry. I am very aware of the pain. I then look inwards and see what I see and feel. In the past I have had a constant large knotted ball in my stomach, now I feel space, peace and calmness. I see light and openness. The first time in probably 17 years since my diagnosis, I feel no anxiety or depression. What???? How is this possible? How can I be in terrible pain but at the same time feel peaceful and calm? My therapist specializes in working with people with chronic pain trained in Somatic Experiencing & Somatic Psychology. I was in a depression so deep, I couldn't read a short fiction book for fun, never mind read about Somatic Experiencing and understand what I was reading.

After all of these years of reading about people with chronic pain, watching my friend cope with the pain of cancer, and not being able to wrap my head around how one can be in agony and still find inner peace, I think I am beginning to get it. It is possible. Just knowing we have another option as chronic pain sufferers is freeing! So often we feel trapped, stuck in a corner, misunderstood. I am not saying this is THE answer to all of our issues but it may very well be a valuable piece to the intricate enigma that accompanies our daily lives. Obviously, we need to continue to trudge on as advocates for ourselves with the medical world, and strive for optimum self-care. Clearly, neither of these ideas is new to any of us. The next time your body is screaming in agony and you feel like you are drowning in a sea of fatigue, just as you feel yourself falling prey to the shadows of anxiety or depression remember this. Even if it is for a short period of time, you are worthy of happiness and a break from the darkness. Then maybe, just maybe, you can take ten minutes to sit and close your eyes and listen to what is going on in your body. No judgments. Just listen. Observe and acknowledge it. Look for any open space inside. Envision light anywhere in your body, even if it is in the tiniest area. Imagine yourself at a time in your life when you felt giddy or in a place that made you feel safe and focus on that memory. With a little bit of time, that miniscule area of light in your body will expand. Keep a journal, if writing helps you. Watch how your body stays the same and how it changes. Most of all, remember; everyone deserves joy and peace. They are attainable even in the midst of pain. You may surprise yourself. After all, you have made it this far. You clearly are a warrior.