they are a “good athlete” and a “nice guy”? What kind of society do were live in where women are taught how to avoid rape while no one is teaching men to simply not rape? What kind of society would praise the dominance of men and teach men to be the controlling figures of society when it is that dominance and aggression that leads to sexual violence? For years, people have been arguing these exact questions. Why should women be taught to control themselves while men are given a pass just because boys will be boys and men are just “naturally” more animalistic and sexual. By essentially refusing to acknowledge the role of men in the continuation of sexual violence, you are essentially refusing the possibility of change. Women have been taught for centuries on how to protect themselves from sexual violence and yet, nothing has been solved. Rape and sexual violence are still overwhelmingly present, not only in American culture, but throughout the world. Even if it won’t work, we are at the point where we desperately need to take a different approach. By teaching young boys and men that all forms of sexual violence and rape is unacceptable we stand a chance at lowering the rates. By teaching young boys and men that it doesn’t matter what a girl is wearing or how much she’s had to drink, that sexual consent without her consent is unacceptable then we might just stand a chance at eliminating rape and rape culture. There are two important footnotes I would like to include with this article. One is that with this article I am not telling young girls and women
“What kind of society do we live in and what kind of campus do we walk on where people would jump to defend someone simply because they are a “good athlete” and a “nice guy”? What kind of society do were live in where women are taught how to avoid rape while no one is teaching men to simply not rape?” to stop protecting themselves. I’m not advocating for women to go out alone at night scantily clad and think that they will be safe because they are fighting against rape culture and that men should know better than to harass them. I’m not advocating for women to become intoxicated and assume or expect that men will treat her with respect. A lot of feminists will disagree with me on this point. Why shouldn’t women where whatever they want and not be harassed? Why shouldn’t a woman be allowed to get “wasted” and still expect a man to understand he shouldn’t have sex with her? A lot of feminists would scream that by me telling women to avoid these things is buying into that “internalized misogyny and patriarchy” and that by continuing to tell women how to avoid rape is going against everything I advocated in this article. Perhaps it is. But unfortunately, despite how much I want to believe that rape culture will go away overnight because me and a group of my friends participate in the Slut Walk and write posts advocating for the dismantling of rape culture, the fact of the matter is it won’t. As
much as I want men to understand what they do is unacceptable, not all of them will. And finally, as much as I want women to feel safe, to do what they want, to drink as much as they want, to wear whatever they want and still be safe, that won’t always be the case. First and foremost I want my fellow women to be safe, and if that means for the time being I will tell my best friend she shouldn’t wear that short of a skirt to a frat party she’s going to alone, then so be it. I’m not accepting the misogyny and giving up the fight, I’m just being realistic. The second point to note is that not all rape and sexual violence is explainable. Most cases of rape are not based on what someone looks like or what someone is wearing or even internalized misogyny. Rape is a violent crime, done by both men and women, whose motives are not always explainable. Some motives can be anger, a desire for power, and sadism. Many rapists do not see rape as a sexual act, but rather a form of domination and power. For these cases, the rapist is often mentally unstable and no amount of education or teaching can change the person’s desire to commit the crime.