I Am Not My Scars
by Anonymous
If you look closely you can see scars on my thighs. Sometimes people ask me about them, sometimes
sues with both men and other women. College is the
they don’t. Usually I just shrug it off and make up
time where one discovers oneself emotionally which
some lame excuse like a cat scratched me or I fell
is a stressful yet defining part of life.” College can be
in a bush. I recently realized I avoid the obvious truth
both extremely fun and extremely isolating at the
because of the stigmatization that goes along with
same time, which is a reason why rates of depres-
the topic of self-injury, depression and suicide in
sion are so high in college-aged girls. Since women
American society. People who battle with depres-
are subordinate in comparison to men, there is even
sion are seen as lazy, unmotivated and helpless by
more pressure to conform to society’s expectations.
society. “Why can’t you just get over it?” and “Other
We are being bombarded by all these images of
people have it worse and they’re fine” are examples
a white, heteronormative, patriarchal society that
of what stigma sounds like. Self-harm is also ex-
tell us we have to keep improving and that we are
tremely misunderstood because it’s human nature to
never enough the way we are. We are told that our
judge what we do not understand. This fear of being
self-worth is based on the validation we get from oth-
judged can be incredibly isolating for people who
ers. On top of all these expectations, college-aged
struggle with self-harm. This causes people struggling
women are put under the stress of having to figure
with self-harm to be even more reluctant to open up
out who they are. All of these high expectations can
and seek help.
lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. This in
Opening about my struggle with depression and self-injury is something I thought I’d never write about. I am doing this in the hope that it can help
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es that include sexual activity, and competition is-
turn can lead to depression, self-injury and thoughts of suicide. My battle with depression and self-injury consumed
even just one young woman going through some-
a lot of my young adult life. I want young women
thing similar. I used to think that my struggle with de-
who are reading this to know they are not alone in
pression and self-injury defined me as a person. How-
this struggle and it is okay to ask for help. You aren’t
ever, now I know my scars do not define me. They will
weak or a burden if you ask for help and it is the first
always be a part of my past, but I am so much more
step in healing. All of these pressures society in-
than them. I was in high school when I went through
grained into young women’s minds affected me per-
a major depressive episode and started self-injuring.
sonally and made me feel inadequate throughout
Society preaches to young women that they are
my life. This led to me using self-harm as an outlet,
not enough the way they are. Women in particular
because I didn’t feel like I was good enough. I didn’t
are put under a lot of stress by being held to such
feel good enough because I didn’t have a stable
high expectations. According to 4collegewomen.org,
family life. I would isolate myself from my friends and
“Women are at a higher risk for developing
loved ones. All of these self-deprecating thoughts
depression over their lifetime…. Additionally,
used to overwhelm me. For a long time I thought
college-aged women have to deal with other stress-
I would always be that weird, emotional girl who cut