ENCHANTMENT: FEM Spring 2022

Hẹn gặp lại, Cindy

Dear my beloved FEM community, I do not know where to even begin. This school year has come and gone, and here I am writing my last editor’s note. After four years in FEM, it is my time to finally let go and watch this special publication thrive from the sidelines. I have learned so much from my peers from our late night talks in the office to the articles that have been crafted by care. This is a bittersweet moment for me. I am on the verge of crying while writing this, but I also feel a sense of relief. For the final time, I would like to present to you the ENCHANTMENT issue, which was pitched by yours truly! After pitching themes for four years, my own was finally selected and it came just in time. I was inspired to pitch this after a late night of listening to Taylor Swift’s “enchanted” on my record player, and it made me contemplate the feeling of enchantment. What does it mean to experience enchantment? Reflecting back on my freshman year, I can laugh at my vision of feminism, and today I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to grow my feminist practice. It is funny how I, myself, was enchanted by white feminism. Even though I am a queer Vietnamese and Chinese American, I centered whiteness in my own perception of “women’s empowerment” and even now I do not blame my younger self. It was the enchantment of white feminism that made everything digestible. Was it the pink washing that allured me? Or was it the slogans like “pussy power” or “the future is female”? Maybe it was both? If you know me, I am a sucker for alliteration, so all these aspects of white feminism seemed appealing. Today, May 2022, I can laugh. This was not the only time I have been struck with enchantment, and it won’t be the last. I welcome more enchantment, and I hope you get to experience it too. Before you go, I would like to pass the torch to our next editor-in-chief: Mar Escusa. Mar, I have full faith that you will continue to make FEM flourish. There is nothing that you cannot do, and our FEM community is so lucky to have you. I will be your biggest fan and supporter, and I will always be there for you and our community that we have cultivated. To my senior staff, we did it. I am overwhelmed with so many emotions, but I just want to tell you all that I am forever indebted to you all. I am sad that it is over, but I am so proud of each and every one of you. So, thank you for your dedication to FEM and our community. I will never forget our time together, and one could even say: I was enchanted to meet you (all). My last thank you is to my entire staff. I do not have the words to express how grateful I am for all of you. All of the things we did this year would not have been possible without you, so thank you so much from the bottom of heart.

In these pages, my wonderful writers will take you through their interpretations of enchantment. These articles will make you laugh, they will make you cry, or both at the same time. That is the magic of FEM. Without further ado, turn your page and let us enchant you!

Editor-in-ChiefQuach 2021-2022

DEAR CHLOE, YOU MAY BE A BIT TOO PSYCHIC FOR YOUR OWN GOOD 9 by Chloë Vigil, design by Cassandra Sanchez

ETHEREAL EXPLOITATION: HOW FKA TWIGS GOT CANCELED WITHOUT ANYBODY KNOWING 12 by Maya Raman, design by Coral Utnehmer

EVERY LOVE SONG REMINDS ME OF YOU 16 by Alexus Torres, design by Grace Ciacciarelli

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL 20 by Ammi Lane-Volz, design by Lauren Leung Cramer

GETTING OVER THE (HONEY)MOON 14 by Julianne Estur, design by Katelynn Perez

 3  IssueEnchantmentTheALL FOR ME AND NONE FOR THEE : MANUFACTURED SCARCITY AND THE NEOLIBERALIZATION OF HIGHER EDUCATION 5 by Tessa Fier, design by Coral Utnehmer

ON THE FUTURE AND GROWING UP 12 by Amanda La, design by Alex Lynaugh

ENTERING THE MYTHICAL MULTIVERSE: AN INTERVIEW WITH NAS NIXX 18 by Kristin Haegelin, design by Grace Ciacciarelli

MADE FOR YOU 21 by Trisha Khattar, design by Alex Lynaugh

CHILAO MAT CHUDAIL: THE HISTORY AND REALITY OF WITCHCRAFT IN SOUTH ASIA 27

THE LURING NATURE OF CORPORATE PROPAGANDA 25 by Sophia Obregon, design by Cassandra Sanchez

NOT-SO-HAPPY HAPPILY EVER AFTERS 10 by Amber Phung, design by Katelynn Perez

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 4   EDITOR-IN-CHIEF  Cindy Quach  MANAGING EDITOR  Concepción Esparza  ARTS + CREATIVE  Section Editor: Charlie Stuip Content/Copy Editing Interns: Amariyah Lane-Volz, Celina Reyes, Gigi Clark, Trisha Khattar Writing Interns: Devyani Dharani, Mariah Hernandez, Maya Raman, Teresa Xu  DIALOGUE  Section editor: Angela Patel Content editor/ASE: Eva Speiser, Sabrina Ellis Copy editor: Alexandra Baran, Anouska Saraf Staff writers: Alejandra Chavez, Alexus Torres, Beaina Bedrossian, Ha My Le, Jalyn Wu, Najda Hadi-St. John, Ovsanna Avetisyan  CAMPUS LIFE 

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 POLITICS 

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Section Chloë Vigil Sarah Huang, Maya Petrick Ashley Leung Mina El Attar, Lauren Vuong Sofia Rossi, Minnie Seo, Sristi Palimar

 SOCIAL MEDIA 

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Amanda

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 5   ENTERTAINMENT 

Section Head: Anjali Singhal, Kelsey Ngante Members: Gabby Agustin, Leah John, Tiffany Peverilla, Alexa Sisney, Izzi Fraser, Jamie Jiang, Jamila Cummings, Lavanya Pandey, Alexandra Baran, Marianna Berntsen-Perez

Section Kelsey Chan Maya Lu, Makayla Williams, Dev Dharani, Julianne Estur, La Talia Way-Marcant, Bianca Badajos, Marie Olmedo Jamila Cummings, Kelsey Ngante, Trisha Badjatia, Samantha Fong, Bella Garcia, Kristin Haegelin, Amber Phung, Yasmien Abunamous Hailey Lynaugh, Grace Ciacciarelli, Lauren Cramer Coral Utnehmer, Katelynn Perez, Cass Sanchez Abby Giardina Zoë Collins, Rachel Chau, Dev Dharani Kohlenberger Anna Ziser, Gia Blakey, Kyra Saldana Anna Mook Planning: Cali Perez Chavez, Kristin Haegelin, Jess Do, Tiff Perevilla Bobbie Sturge, Anthony Rodriguez

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FEM Newsmagazine is published and copyrighted by the ASUCLA Communications Board. All rights are reserved. Reprinting of any material in this publication without the written permission of the Communications Board is strictly prohibited. The ASUCLA Communications Board fully supports the University of California’s policy on nondiscrimination. The student media reserve the right to reject or modify advertising whose content discriminates on the basis of ancestry, color, national origin, race, religion, disability, age, sex or sexual orientation. The ASUCLA Communications Board has a media grievance procedure for resolving complaints against any of its publications. For a copy of the complete procedure, contact the publications office at 118 Kerckhoff Hall @ 310-825-9898

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FEM, UCLA’s feminist newsmagazine since 1973, is dedicated to the empowerment of all people, the recognition of gender diversity, the dismantling of systems of oppression, and the application of intersectional feminist ideology for the liberation of all peoples. FEM operates within an anti-capitalist, anti-imperialist, anti-racist framework. Our organization seeks to challenge oppression based on sexuality, gender, race, class, ability, religion, and other hegemonic power structures. We create a wide range of compassionate multimedia content that recenters narratives often rejected or ignored within mainstream media. Beyond journalism, FEM engages in actionable praxes by building coalitions with other campus and community members. As self-reflective feminists, we are committed to unlearning and relearning alongside our global audience as the socio-political landscape in which we are situated continues to transform. Mission

Developed by Frierich Hayek, refined by Milton Friedman and violently inflicted on millions, neoliberalism was not tested on a national scale until the disastrous neoliberalization of Chile in 1973, and only became globally dominant in the 1980s (Monbiot). Unluckily, one of its earliest adherents was Ronald Reagan (Bady). As governor of California from 1967-1971, Reagan ruthlessly slashed state education spending — no doubt partly in response to antiVietnam War protests breaking out on campuses across the state In(Clabaugh).theory, neoliberalism is a modern, globalized version of the free-trade doctrine first espoused by liberal economist John Smith; complete deregulation of markets was supposed to bring increased prosperity to all. In practice, neoliberalism has spread far beyond the economic realm to corrupt community, government, social interactions, the right to life’s necessities, and education. Among its many evils are soaring inequality, the decimation of social services, constant war, and complex new forms of imperialism.

All for Me and None for Thee :

encroaching financialization of every aspect of life, one could argue that the neoliberalization of California higher education began in the 1960s when, for the first time, schools had to supply most of their own funds. To justify tuition hikes, colleges had to defend the value of their education to consumers. The commodification of higher education as a luxury item had begun.

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The first time I came to UCLA as a high school junior, I was enchanted by everything I saw. As I walked through pretty, Instagrammable buildings and perfectly landscaped grounds, the professors and classes were the last thing on my mind. The gyms were marvelous, the food was spellbinding, the walls of accolades were bewitching, and the smiling students bustling about appeared disarmingly happy. Higher education is not the same as it once was. Growing up, we’re told college will be the best years of our lives, a time of exploration, self-discovery, formative learning — and a lot of fun. But if the aim of a university is to educate its students, with not only information and job skills but also critical thinking, innovation, and societal critique, then I have achieved those goals in spite of — not because of — the institution of UCLA. Everyone agrees college is broken, but few seem to know how we got Thehere.past few decades have been marked by articles, appearing with ever-increasing frequency, attempting to explain the increase in college tuition. There have been even more bemoaning the growing necessity of advanced degrees in the job market. However, many of these pieces fail to link the two together, and the vast majority omit any mention of systemic economic issues. That is why it is important to be clear from the beginning: the self-cannibalization of higher education is caused by capitalism, specifically neoliberalism.

Manufactured Scarcity and the Neoliberalization of Higher Education by Tessa Fier, design by Coral UtnehmerIfneoliberalismisthe

The second time I came to UCLA was for orientation. I wandered around the campus, envisioning myself going to Wooden and swimming at Sunset Rec, meeting friends at Ackerman, studying late into the night at one of the twelve libraries, and going to all the games my Den Pass allowed. Within a month of moving into the dorms I began to realize that my experience at UCLA would be nothing like the pictures of sunlit students I’d seen in brochures. Four years later, I realize I was deceived. A quick Google search for “college branding strategy” returns pages of articles, advertisements, and websites with tips for success. Most schools use marketing agencies and higher education consultants, who advise schools on how to increase their position in the rankings. According to an article from the marketing agency Fabrik, these services are invaluable: “as the marketplace grows more competitive, and academic funding continues to suffer, universities are starting to recognize the importance of setting themselves apart from the It’scrowd.”hard not to appreciate the bluntness of this statement, saying what colleges refuse to admit to: that they are, first and foremost, corporations (Kelley). They teach because education is an essential part of their product, but since their ability to operate depends on raising ever-increasing amounts of revenue, their primary focus cannot be education. Their mission is tainted by profit.

This is not to say that pre-neoliberal colleges were bastions of virtue — obviously, they were not. Legacy admissions and personal essays were devised to bar Jews from higher education (Wong), and UCLA has a long history of racial discrimination (Black Bruin History at UCLA). However, the growing premium placed on a university degree means many colleges are now happy to accept whomever they can profit from. Today, universities are more similar to corporations than independent centers of research and social critique. Colleges have transformed their very essence in the race to attract revenue: what was once a discrete product (a college degree) is now a lifestyle, with hotel-like dorms, gourmet food, and world class athletic facilities. And like all lifestyles, it is aspirational.

When introducing neoliberalism to the United States, President Reagan famously assured the country that wealth accumulation would “trickle down” to benefit everyone — even those whose salaries were slashed to pay management or shareholders. Half a century later, inequality is worse than ever (Hartman).

 8  Capitalism depends on competition, and without guaranteed state funding, educational institutions have to compete for students and donors (Wong). Multiple industries, from college prep and counseling to university branding consultants, have sprung up to accommodate this change. However, ranking lists, multi-million dollar scandals, and bottomless fundraising campaigns are only symptoms of the Overillness.thelast few decades of the 20th century, powerful neoliberal ideologues jammed their beliefs into every corner of society they could; several generations have grown up knowing nothing else. After the financial crises of the early 2000s, things shifted. Instability was no longer a scary idea to avoid, but a fact of life that had to be constantly outrun. As their budgets continued to be slashed, universities kept increasing their tuition. But this time, the justification was also the cause. A degree is increasingly valuable — not necessarily because it affords you security, but because it distances you from guaranteed insecurity (Markovits). In this new climate, universities can and have marketed their education as a life-changing product. If we get the right degree, from the right field, at the right university, maybe we can be one of those making enough money to survive somewhat comfortably.

Accumulated wealth is generally not reintroduced to the economy. When wealth is transferred to the ultra-rich, their first step will

Meanwhile, Gene Block made almost $500,000 in 2020 (accurate compensation figures are unavailable for UC regents) (Compensation at UC). While executives give themselves and their friends pay raises, the UC system has thoroughly gig-ified itself by eroding tenure (Latham), paying lecturers and TAs insultingly low salaries while forcing them through miserable quarterly employment cycles (To), and underfunding campus resources (Kovach).

For selective colleges, manufactured scarcity is an essential part of their brand. As a university whose mission is to educate the public, it would be in UCLA’s interest to admit as many people as it can reasonably accommodate, and consistently seek to expand the system in conjunction with growing demand. When run as a private corporation, however, it benefits far more from limiting enrollment. College rankings, perhaps the single most important factor in many people’s decisions, reward exclusivity, elitism, large endowments, high SAT scores, and a variety of other variables that attempt (and fail) to compress the diversity of colleges’ missions, programs, specialties, and campus life into a single objective measurement.

It is hopelessly naive to expect change to come from within the ivory tower halls of power. But this does not mean change is impossible.

On May 3, UC Divest held a protest in Bruin Plaza against UC investments in the military-industrial complex. This coalition, formed by student groups harmed by and/or fighting against the neoliberalization of the university, represents the radical optimism that has inspired campus protests, in the face of terrible odds, for generations. As always, the most heavily impacted student groups are the fiercest source of resistance. We can learn a great deal from observing and supporting the work of organizations like Students for Justice in Palestine, Student Labor Advocacy Project, Anak Bayan, and Cops Off Campus.

I do not have an answer for how to break free from the confines of corporate education. I cannot imagine the mechanisms by which a campus protest would compel UCLA to sever its partnership with

All this isn’t to say that students don’t benefit from these donations. We do — and that’s the problem. As UCLA students, we are afforded these extraordinary facilities because we go to a highly-ranked, elite school. Since we’ve been admitted, we are privileged by the scarcity complex. Much like a corporation maneuvering regulatory agencies, UCLA cunningly navigates the rankings system to get returns for current and prospective students as well as donors. And while everyone hates the system, it’s not wrong if everyone’s doing it. Right?

 9  almost always be to remove it from the general economy by tying it up in tax-free institutions like philanthropic foundations or funneling it to institutions such as elite universities, that perpetuate inequality and systemic violence (Incite!). On a global scale, wealth hoarding has accelerated as mass wealth transfers (fine-tuned by neoliberalism) divert money to elites (McNally).

Manufactured scarcity of natural resources, life necessities, clean and safe environments, jobs, social services, and education is the natural consequence of an economic system focused on profiting from every aspect of existence. In general, manufactured scarcity is the process of deriving profit from reduced accessibility of a product or service; this differs from traditional economic wisdom, which seeks to create profit by maximizing production and availability. Even digital products, which have no physical constraints on their production, use these strategies — NFTs promise singular authenticity on technology capable of producing instant replicas. Online retailers use similar strategies, like making popular products in small batches and perpetually marking items as “Almost Gone” on their website.

We’ve all heard that UCLA gets the most applicants of any school in the nation. What they don’t tell you on the tour is that if they add seats to keep up with growing demand, their acceptance rate creeps up, and their position in the rankings goes down. And why would UCLA spend their money on increasing enrollment capacity when they could spend it on billboards bragging about their various rankings? Furthermore, given the corporatization of colleges, it is unlikely that UCLA would increase its facilities and resources in proportion with growing enrollment. Beyond the rankings, colleges take calculated actions to increase their reputations in many areas. These can all increase their applications, grants, and donations, which increase the amount they can charge for tuition. However, all selective schools are stuck in a race to the top (“How Harvard Manages...”). Stripped of public funding and unable to rely on tuition to cover their full expenses, colleges competitively solicit donations. A school will spend money to seem more impressive to donors, then solicit donations, then spend more money preparing for the next round of donations. The cycle continues in perpetuity.

Manufactured scarcity also underlies the rhetoric of austerity cuts, which are presented as a natural consequence of inflation and overspending by neoliberals. However, the capitalist economy is not natural — if it were, it would not require constant policing and legislation (Mellor). Financial slumps are built into the global economic order, and each one facilitates a mass transfer of wealth to the elite, compounding and reinforcing economic inequality (McNally). Following the widespread imposition of austerity measures (instead of stimulus spending) during financial downturns, inequalities have widened and calcified (Mellor). Despite rarely employing austerity measures before the 1970s, economists today claim our markets cannot survive without them. In fact, the economy would be much healthier without violent and abrupt spending cuts to essential programs. However, these cuts function as a convenient excuse for decimating government budgets, funneling public money into private corporations, and cutting social services — just think of the millions in taxpayer dollars handed to private banks after the 2008 housing market crash. Closing a homeless shelter, cutting healthcare, and directing money away from social services are choices, meaning the scarcity of these services is manufactured, not inevitable. There are certainly finite limitations to many things on this planet. We do not have unlimited water, oil, trees, nutritious soil, or clean air, and while many of these do renew, the past decades have shown more clearly than ever before that humanity must pay attention to our consumption of natural resources. However, this obvious fact of life does not justify nor explain manufactured scarcity, and neoliberal attempts to tie the two together are either woefully misguided or intentionally ignorant. There are only about 300 California Condors left in the wild. They reproduce relatively slowly, and if their population is reduced to zero there is no chance for recovery — they will be forever extinct. Money, however, has none of these constraints. We have plenty of paper, ink, and metal, and the capacity to turn these into currency. Evidently, rampant inflation in a capitalist economy has disastrous consequences, but no one is recommending we print as much money as possible without changing anything else. Economists and governments mystify the source of money, enchanting us into believing a “fairytale” about its origins (Mellor). Money is not a natural resource, and currency itself is made artificially scarce as a matter of political and economic policy. The allocation and creation of money is therefore relatively arbitrary — though too much or too little of it can crash the economy, changing where money is spent generally poses little threat to the overall economic order (but a catastrophic one to wealthy elites) (Mellor). If the money in UCLA’s endowment was divested from its holdings and wisely reinvested into campus programs, infrastructure, and people, it would almost certainly decrease inequality across campus.

McNally, David. Global Slump: The Economics and Politics of Crisis and Resistance. Oakland, CA: PM Press, 2011. Print. Mellor, Mary. “Neoliberalism has tricked us into believing a fairytale about where money comes from.” The Conversation, The Conversation US, Inc., 22 Jun. 2019. Monbiot, George. “Neoliberalism — the ideology at the root of all our problems.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media Ltd., 15 Apr. 2016.

Kelley traces the history of Black-led radical collective education movements, sketching a vision of academic subterfuge rooted in lived resistance that emphasizes unflinching critique of systems and institutions. He traces the lineage of current campus protests against racism, imperialism, and neoliberalism to Civil Rights-era academic movements, yet Kelley elucidates an important distinction between the creation of disciplines like Black Studies, which was inherently subversive, to modern movements that attempt to reform the university from within. He argues we look to this type of insurgent scholarship, dubbed “the undercommons” for inspiration. Kelley describes the undercommons as an academic movement that is “in, but not of, the university,” a place where “commitment to abolition and collectivity prevails over a university culture bent on creating socially isolated individuals whose academic skepticism and claims of objectivity leave the world-as-it-is intact.”

To, Kalysa. “UCLA lecturers and other nontenure faculty face low wages and job insecurity.” The Daily Bruin, UCLA Student Media, 27 July 2020. “University Branding: Your clever guide to higher education branding.” Fabrik Brands, 2021.

Wong, Alia. “Elite-College Admissions Are Broken.” The Atlantic, 14 Oct. 2018.

WORKS CITED Bady, Aaron and Mike Konczal. “From Master Plan to No Plan: The Slow Death of Public Higher Education.” Dissent Magazine, Fall 2012. “Black Bruin History At UCLA.” UCLA Alumni Newsletter, Feb. 2021. Clabaugh, Gary K. “The Educational Legacy of Ronald Reagan.” Educational Horizons, vol. 82, no. 4, 2004, pp. 256–59. “Compensation at the University of California.” University of California Employee Pay, University of California Board of Regents. Hartman, Thom. “The 40-Year Con of Trickle-Down Reaganomics.” The Milwaukee Independent, Milwaukee Independent LLC., 14 Jul. 2021. “How Harvard and Other Colleges Manage Their Endowments.” Youtube, uploaded by CNBC, 30 Mar. 2019. Incite! The Revolution Will Not Be Funded: Beyond the Non-Profit Industrial Complex. Cambridge, Mass: South End Press, 2007. Print. Kelley, Robin. “Black Study, Black Struggle.” Boston Review, 1 Mar. 2016. Kovach, Sydney. “Black student leaders call on UCLA to increase Black Bruin Resource Center funding.” The Daily Bruin, UCLA Student Media, 3 Oct. 2021. Latham, Scott. “From Sacred Cow to Sacrificial Lamb.” Inside Higher Ed, 27 Jul. 2021. Markovits, Daniel. “How Life Became An Endless, Terrible Competition.” The Atlantic, Sept. 2019.

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I am ending, not with a personal story but with insights from UCLA history professor Robin D.G. Kelley’s 2016 article on the contradictions inherent to the neoliberal university and methods of resistance to it. He describes the tensions in student movements that attempt to reform the university, misplacing their faith in the willingness or ability of such institutions to change. According to Kelley, universities “will never be engines of social transformation. Such a task is ultimately the work of political education and activism. By definition it takes place outside the university.”

The undercommons was reimagined for the neoliberal age in a 2013 essay collection by Stefano Harney and Fred Moten that stated: “It cannot be denied that the university is a place of refuge, and it cannot be accepted that the university is a place of enlightenment. In the face of these conditions one can only sneak into the university and steal what one can” (Harney and Moten 2013, quoted in Kelley 2016).

As always, we have much to learn from the radicals and resistance that came before us.

UCLA students can draw from our own campus history for inspiration. For a period in 2016, an undercommons led by graduate students facilitated discussion and critique among students and faculty. According to Kelley, “These students are demonstrating how we might remake the world. They are ruthless in their criticism and fearless in the face of the powers that be. They model what it means to think through crisis, to fight for the eradication of oppression in all its forms, whether it directly affects us or not” (Kelley).

BlackRock and reinvest its endowment into the campus. This is not a coincidence — despite my political beliefs and relatively thorough understanding of neoliberalism, I am still privileged. My tuition money fuels violence, but this violence does not impact my family or friends directly. In many ways, the university was designed for people like Thatme.iswhy

1. No 2. It’s… complicated? My senior year of high school, I applied early decision to my first college and thought to myself, (over and over and over again) that I would absolutely die if I didn’t have the traditional college experience. I wanted four years on the same campus with the most picture perfect friendships, campus, and life. I remember distinctly thinking that I didn’t even know if I wanted to study abroad — I didn’t want to spend one second away from what surely would be the happiest place in the world, second only to a castle owned by a capitalist mouse. Looking back, I think my anxiety-induced spirals over every worstcase scenario was intuition that college wouldn’t exactly be what I pictured. After half a semester at the first college I attended, feeling entirely disenchanted with unempathetic college administrators and disappointed that an idealized friendship group straight out my imagination failed to manifest, I withdrew to attend community college. Colleges are not designed for disabled students, people of color, and other marginalized peoples, and that became increasingly clear as I attempted to navigate my East coast, largely white private college.

Throughout middle and high school, my teachers were mildly obsessed with one prompt: write a letter to yourself to read when graduating high school. I was similarly obsessed with writing myself what was essentially the same letter every time, which could be succinctly boiled down to two questions : do you have a girlfriend? Also, do you go to a good college?

dear chloe, you may be a bit too psychic for your own good by Chloë Vigil, design by Cassandra Sanchez

The universe, of course, has nothing but a sense of humor. I got into UCLA a month after the world went into lockdown and I was NOT very tough about losing even more of my college experience. Despite the turmoil of the universe kicking my ass (again and again and again), part of me still held hope for my own Legally Blonde moment.

This is, in some ways, a love letter as I graduate. To find a group of people to commiserate and celebrate with and to find my own little piece of college that feels like home has been invaluable. I don’t think I am any more found than I was at seventeen. But I do know that, as I leave college, I’ll miss being lost with this group of people. <3

Originally, my expectations of community college were much lower. Community college gives a number of resources in addition to an excellent education to so many students. At 18, however, I mostly felt like a failure. I burrowed in my head during my pre-COVID online classes and set off to romanticize the school I was transferring to. Despite my prior experiences, I had watched far, far too many college vlogs to destroy my illusion and enchantment with the idealized college experience.

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I could talk about how the pandemic made the issues in higher education more pronounced than ever, or whine about administrators, or talk about how part of me still feels I failed my teenage self. And sure, I am still disenchanted with the college experience — especially mine. But in college, I found what has truly been the most wonderful community I could’ve imagined in FEM.

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Ethereal Exploitation: How FKA twigs got canceled without anybody knowing by Maya Raman, design by Coral Utnehmer the complicated sociopolitical nuances that those in the industry experience. Sex work remains one of the most stigmatized and unprotected forms of labor; it is illegal in every state in the U.S. except Nevada, where it is only allowed to occur in licensed brothels, and licensed brothels can only operate in small counties (< 700,000 population). Because of this lack of legalization, sex workers, particularly Black and/or trans sex workers, are among the most marginalized groups. While FKA twigs was posting Instagram videos of herself pole dancing during the first COVID-19 lockdown, many sex workers were unable to access COVID-19 stimulus checks because the increased surveillance that comes with applying for these checks often negatively affected sex workers at the intersections of marginalized identities. Stimulus payments were only issued to those with a recent tax filing; some sex workers did not file taxes for various reasons such as immigration status or having no ‘legal’ filings to report. In fact, many issues that already affected sex workers, such as police surveillance, homelessness, and lack of adequate medical care were compounded by the pandemic. This dissonance was further exacerbated by the irony of twigs’ “MAGDALENE” album being inspired by Mary Magdalene, the follower of Jesus who is sometimes portrayed as a prostitute. twigs’ self-imposed personification of “MAGDALENE” indicated a notion of respect and empowerment towards this sex worker who is also a religious figure, contrasting with the lack of respect she was showing to sex workers in this day and age. Throughout the album’s promotion and sales, twigs never brought up the hardships sex workers face—hardships she could ignore through her wealth and status. After Selena called her out and Instagram users started becoming more vocal about this issue, twigs addressed the situation in a somewhat noncommittal way. She revealed in an Instagram caption that she used to work as a hostess in a gentleman’s club, and briefly acknowledged the hardships strippers and sex workers have been facing with regards to the pandemic. She ended her caption with a call-to-action, encouraging her followers to add to her £10,000 donation to UK-based sex work advocacy organizations such as Sex Worker Advocacy and Resistance Movement (SWARM), Lysistrata, and East London Strippers Collective. She also announced she would let the three organizations temporarily take over her Instagram to raise awareness about their respective missions.

It is worth acknowledging at this point that the umbrella term “sex worker” tends to erase many nuances, such as the differences between independent contractors and small businesses within the industry, or the different issues workers face based on the legalization status of their sector. However, this term is used throughout this article to reflect the language used in Selena’s original post.

Selena, who uses fae/faer pronouns, also mentions that the “MAGDALENE” launch party was at the Cheetahs strip club in Hollywood. The day after the party, the club allegedly closed and fired all of its workers. While Selena acknowledges that twigs wasn’t responsible for the closure, twigs’ celebrity privilege enabled her to use the club for her own gain and avoid any fallout that negatively affected the working dancers. This privilege, provided by twigs’ wealth and status as a celebrity, continued to shield her from acknowledging many of the hardships sex workers were facing throughout the sales and promotion of “MAGDALENE.”

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Selena and many other sex workers felt that twigs wasn’t giving sex workers their proper credit—they felt she treated their work as an aesthetic, while letting her privilege as a celebrity shield her from

While twigs’ caption revealed that she was not a non-sex-worker appropriating the aesthetics of an industry she had never engaged with, she also never publicly acknowledged Selena or any others that had spent the time and labor holding twigs accountable, as well as educating the public on the issue. twigs’ lack of self-accountability ultimately prompted many pop culture news outlets to portray her post as a brave show of support to sex workers as opposed to what it really was: an avoidant admission. 

The video opens with applause. A silhouetted robe-clad figure walks through a room decorated with luminous bronzes and golds, an amorphous background that can’t quite be made out, no matter how much one tries to focus. The robe drops, the applause grows louder.

FKA twigs slowly struts across the frame of her music video for “cellophane,” the lead single of her universally-acclaimed 2019 album “MAGDALENE.” She is all glass and gold: glass heels delectably scrape across the glass floor, hundreds of vague glass-clinking sounds overlap each other. Leaning against a gold pole in the middle of the floor, she is a lithe, muscular, bronzed goddess. As she gyrates against the pole, muscles tightening and uncoiling, the quiet keys of twigs’ ode to Robert Pattinson start to play. Her pole dancing gets more intense as the song goes on: she climbs to heaven to push her glass heel through a metallic dragon-like version of herself, then falls down to a pit of clay, all the while gracefully spinning. Lit from above, she is twigsethereal.isanenchantress, a master of enveloping the viewer into the world she’s created. She is also, however, using ethereal and trailblazing visuals and concepts to shroud her exploitative aestheticization of sex work, whether intentionally or not. In July 2020, prominent stripper and sex work activist Selena, or @prettyboygirl on Instagram, called out FKA twigs for her use of stripping and sex work as an aesthetic, especially with respect to twigs’ “We Are The Womxn” project. This project, partially filmed at Blue Flame, Atlanta’s first Black strip club, features twigs dressed in white and pole dancing as other dancers surround her. At the end of the video, those behind twigs are simply credited as “the dancers.”

In the original Instagram post calling out twigs, Selena wrote a list of seven basic do’s and don’t’s artists can use when making art about sex work: Do acknowledge where your inspiration comes from. Don’t credit civvies [non-sex workers] over sex workers.

Don’t use sex workers as nameless props.

Do speak up for the rights of sex workers visibly! Make it a central part of your visual campaign!

Don’t double down when you receive criticism!

Do prominently feature the names of sex workers who helped inform your work. Get to know them and their stories and develop real relationships with the community you are inspired by.

As an audience, we are enchanted by twigs (the “cellophane” YouTube comments frequently mention the phrases “visionary,” “a true artist,” “once-in-a-lifetime”), perhaps so much so that we feel afraid to criticize. We feel afraid to hinder the creation of such awe-inspiring art. However, as conscious consumers, we cannot let ethereal art prevent us from paying attention to how our favorite artists interact with minoritized communities. We can be mesmerized by twigs’ poledancing performances and still be critical of her lack of intentionality when engaging with the sex work industry. twigs is certainly talented and a visionary—however, she and other artists must do better in acknowledging the sources behind their inspiration. When creating art revolving around a certain cultural concept, we must be willing to navigate the sometimes-uncomfortable political and economic nuances that come with the concept. If we are unwilling to do so, perhaps we shouldn’t be the ones to create that kind of art in the first place.

Don’t ignore sex workers when they ask you for help, or when they offer you criticisms to help you be a better ally.

 13  

Don’t link lists at the bottom of your post without explaining what the organizations are about.

  When I was younger, my birthday was my favorite day of the year. Not because of the gifts that I would receive, but because it would mean I was a year older. It’s something that I had always craved: the desire to grow up faster. I couldn’t wait to reach high school and college. Everyone around me had always found it adorable; they’d laugh and tell me that when I got older, I would want to turn back time and be a child again. But now, even as an adult, I’m still waiting to get older. Maybe it’s because I’ve convinced myself that at some point in the future, I will reach an age where I’ve figured out my life and “found myself.”

Unlike my idyllic elementary school years, middle school was something else entirely. Like many others, middle school brought out some of my cringiest and most embarrassing decision-making. But it was also during this time period of my life when my naive excitement towards growing older was the strongest. Leading up to seventh grade, I spent the summer with my older cousin in Canada. During this trip, I left behind the world of children’s movies and Disney shows as she introduced me to raunchier, ‘cooler’ shows all the popular kids were watching at the time like “Gossip Girl” and “White Collar.” That school year, I was avidly reading some of the most popular young adult book series at the time like “The Summer I Turned Pretty,” “Matched” and “Uglies” which focused mainly on romantic love. However, these pieces of media I was consuming at an age where I was not only very impressionable, but also craving approval from everyone around me, was dangerous. They led me to feel insecure about myself to the point where I was experiencing body dysphoria — it became hard for me to even look at myself in the mirror because of how much I hated my reflection. Book after book, movie after movie, show after show, presenting the idea that you would be more appealing to society if you were considered pretty. The main female characters (protagonist or antagonist) were depicted as the ones everyone wanted to either be or be with, and were all considered as conventionally attractive to Euro-American beauty standards. While I clearly realized that I could never be white, I thought that I would be able to check off the other boxes eventually: be taller, skinnier and grow to fit a bigger bra size — this list would constantly change as more modifications were added. In my head, I envisioned becoming an adult with celebrity-level beauty and being chased after by everyone I had a crush on (which at that age was Luke Hemmings and Dylan O’Brien). The logic was that as an adult, I would have freedom and money, therefore with the changes I couldn’t achieve naturally, I could undergo procedures such as LASIK, a nose job and even a boob job to live up to society’s beauty standards.

By eighth grade, I was not only dealing with my insecurities regarding my physical appearance but also presented with the realities of high school: enrolling in AP classes, worrying about SAT scores, and selling yourself to universities. One of the fondest memories from that year happened about a month before the end of eighth grade. After my physical education class the girls in the class started wondering what it would be like once we were in high school. Someone had spoken up and said, “I want to be in college already. Actually, I want to skip all the hard parts of high school, go to the dances and graduation,

On the Future and Growing Up by Amanda La, design by Alex LynaughTherestofelementary school was a blur of wants, conversations and promises with friends made on the playground about becoming nextdoor neighbors, getting married to each other, and having our future children be best friends (only to lose contact with each other when one of us moved away). This childhood innocence was something that I look back fondly on, because at the time, nothing seemed impossible. To us, everything was possible once you reached adulthood. There would be no rules you had to follow and no adults to tell you ‘no’ when you wanted to do something.

14

But what is it about growing older that makes me think my life would magically improve? I could remember as far back as kindergarten that I would fantasize about growing up. My school district had one day out of the year where high school science students would visit elementary schools in the area to teach science concepts and conduct experiments with the younger students. During recess, my friends and I would run to the fence that separated the playground area from the rest of the school to see if we could eavesdrop on the older kids. This special day was always scheduled after AP Exams concluded and right before prom, so we would often hear the older kids giggling and talking amongst themselves about who was taking who to the dance, what they had planned to wear, and how they couldn’t wait for Prom night to come fast enough. After overhearing their conversations, my friends and I would talk about what it would be like when we were high schoolers going to prom. I was dreaming about receiving a lavish promposal, looking like a stunning bride, and the venue would be held in some fancy castle— basically the princess experience.

There were numerous shooting threats and subsequent lockdowns. In fact, when it was my turn to return to my elementary school to teach a kindergarten class about science, we were unable to go back to the high school at our scheduled time because of a shooting threat which placed the school on lockdown. My senior prom gained media coverage by the local news for how disastrous it was planned with the headline: “Senior students scramble to make prom after school mixes up date!” Even through all these mess ups, I still craved the college experience. I imagined creating an entirely new identity by moving out of my hometown and into a new location where no one would know who I was, going to all the wild frat parties that I had seen in movies, and finding the love of my life while studying on the campus library or at a local coffee shop like in the books. It was also in high school that for the first time, I didn’t want to be older than I was at that given moment. I knew that those four years were the last four years of my life before a total departure from the stable routines that were everything I’d ever known. Life also offered a final blow to my post-high school plans: I was rejected from my top-choice colleges. I canceled the dinner plan I had that night because I was so upset after reading my last decision letter. After I texted my friends that I was canceling, they surprisingly stopped by my house—after making sure I didn’t need them to bring me food—to comfort me. And inside my friend’s small car, they both comforted me and qualmed my fears about college over boba. They explained to me their realistic experiences with college and helped me realize that I wouldn’t be missing out on much if I didn’t go to my top choice schools. I didn’t need to scrap my plans, I just had to make a small detour—one that involved me staying at home and going to community college, a choice no one around me expected me to make, most certainly not me of the past.

I wish that these themes and narratives can be found in young adult novels, programs and movies, because it is important for adolescents to have these types of stories too, so that they do not harm themselves trying to fit into an imaginary mold that is pushed onto them.

Ultimately, let’s face it: growing up can be ugly. It comes with responsibilities and hardships that are often hidden away from children who are instead presented with a more whimsical version of reality. Living a happy life does not require replicating what is shown in shows, books, or movies. In fact, following societal expectations to be ‘pretty’ and have a ‘successful’ life as pushed by the media is not a guarantee for happiness. People grow as they change, leading to their future plans being ever-changing too. I don’t need to have a picture-perfect extravagant lifestyle set in stone. And while I think it’s sometimes nice to think about an unrealistic future filled with fantastical thoughts, what’s most important is living life one day at a time.

 15  and then head off to college!” This exclamation set off a montage of scenes in my head from rom-coms I watched: girl meets boy at a masquerade-themed school dance and falls in love (“A Cinderella Story”), just having your own private moment with your date amidst a large crowded dance (“High School Musical 3”), and walking across the stage at graduation (maybe with a few surprises like in “She’s All That”). Just like whoever had spoken up, I also wanted to cherry-pick and live out only the picture-worthy moments of high school.

But, high school turned out to be a reality check. Two months into my freshman year, I fell out with people who I thought would be my best friends forever. We had planned on doing a cross-country road trip after graduation and being each other’s bridesmaids at our respective weddings. Instead of romance, I got heartbreak. Time spent on AP classes and exams, as well as preparation for other standardized tests took up so much time that my social life was practically non-existent outside of extracurricular activities I participated in to make my college applications look more ‘well-rounded.’

Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers’ “Nothing New (Taylor’s Version)” lends me the words to explain how I feel now. A particular line keeps repeating itself in my head: “How can a person know everything at 18, and nothing at 22?” When I was 18, I thought I had my life figured out after my dreams had been shattered. But now, at 21, I feel more lost than ever. Before, dreaming and envisioning my perfect future was a happy escape from my realities. All of my life, I wanted my future to bring me a life like one of those perfectly packaged Barbie sets. With everything in place, I could just bask in the sun and enjoy. Now that adulthood is near, reality is making me too afraid to even think about my future because of the pressure to achieve the grownup life I’ve spent my entire adolescence building. My dreams keep drifting farther away to the point where I’m no longer able to make sense of them because I’m lost figuring out how to achieve it all. This sense of hopelessness led to a breakdown and an eventual therapy appointment where I learned that I had to unlearn my way of thinking. Admittedly, a perspective shift doesn’t occur overnight. I started stepping away from the Euro-American young adult novels and shows that were targeted at teenagers and instead began consuming more content that is better suited for my age range— including foreign works. This shift in media consumption habits led to a shift in my own narrative. Books like “Yolk,” “Circe” and “Almond” were focused on the outsiders and those who seemed to have a more realistic life, how they continue to navigate and thrive in society despite not living a grandiose lifestyle. Many literary fiction novels I read now challenge the norms that were presented and made me realize that the pieces of media we consume can change our thoughts by normalizing certain societal aspects and expectations.

I thought to myself: “Maybe this is the love that they are talking about in love songs. Right now. This moment, this is it.” I fall enamored with my siblings every time they achieve something or when they run to me to tell me they learned something new. I become enchanted with my siblings when I see them smile.

“Baby while we’re young I think we should do something crazy”

Love in love songs does not have to be romantic — even though some songs are explicitly about sexual and romantic love — since love is a lot of things and can be interpreted in complex ways. My connection to the institution of love does not get cut off when I am not actively in a romantic relationship with someone. I can love a lot of people in a whole lot of different ways — romantically, familially, or platonically.

When I am home from school I usually develop a routine with my family, picking them up from school, taking them to practice for sports and other after school activities. One of these routine events is picking my sister up on early dismissal days to grab lunch at a fast food place. In a regular McDonald’s drive-thru, on an average Thursday, I had my first real realization about my internal conflict regarding the word “love”. While ordering chicken nuggets, Fleetwood Mac’s “Everywhere” came on. I passed her the chicken nuggets and I realized this is what they are talking about. My sister is someone who I want around all the time, even when she gets on my nerves or uses my things without permission; if she were to disappear one day I would substantially change as a person.

Listening to Jhené Aiko’s “While We’re Young” reminds me of the love I feel towards my friends. Sitting with one of my best friends, just listening to music as we chill in my room, I notice the calm space between us and the comfort I feel being around them. There is no show I have to put on to feel the love between us, it’s just there. It makes me genuinely happy to grow with them without the responsibility of having to be a specific person. I love our spontaneous adventures when we go on night drives and let the car take us where it pleases, but also the traditions we have together like indulging in the same

I’ve never felt the spark talked about in movies or the comfort in a romantic partner expressed in YA novels. Enamorment, enchantment, enthrallment run away from my mind and my heart. Waiting for love feels like waiting for roses to bloom in winter. As I sit waiting I have developed a great fear of missing out on my great love. Not being able to comprehend romance, I felt like I missed a lot of important and niche cultural and societal references. Like what the hell is up with love songs? Everyone sings about finding a love so grand that you would sacrifice anything for it, a love so pure that you thank higher powers for granting you access to one person. I sit in my car listening to these songs of declaration and loyalty with a heavy heart, reciting melodies I will never decipher. I used to think, “maybe there’s something wrong with me” and “all humans know how to love, so I must not be human.” I craved the experience of being in love, not to be in love, but just to feel normal and to understand why society is so set on the idea of soulmates, of finding the piece that completes you. I wanted to be able to sing songs with the love of my life on my mind, to be able to sing with enthusiasm and passion like others, but I just always fell short. Every love song reminded me of something I will never touch or grasp. Everytime a love song came on it was like the world was playing a big joke on me, waving the carrot in front of the mule. I settled; maybe love just wasn’t for me, and the words of love songs will always be a mindless regurgitation of remembered lyrics rather than connection and reflection. “I want to be with you everywhere.”

 16 

I think the people who experience your enchanting love are the people you choose to love. While I choose to love my family, they were given to me and were always in close proximity to my love. I have never chosen to love someone romantically but I realize that I hold a lot of platonic love for various people.

It has always been hard for me to conceptualize love. I’m not here to say “love is fake” or bash on the ‘lovers’ out there. I honestly find myself jealous of those who can be so free with their sentiments to conceptualize them as love, but that’s just not me. I don’t think I have ever or will ever be in “love.” To me, love is just a word. In the English language, we have allotted a one syllable word to embody a whole mathematical matrix of emotions.

Every Love Song Reminds Me of You by Alexus Torres, design by Grace Ciacciarelli

I have one younger sister and two younger brothers. Being their older sister is one of my greatest achievements. I have a mother who has helped me in my journey by her great support, whether it was allowing me to take ballet classes and quitting right after, or supporting my decision to go to school in Los Angeles, she has always been my number one cheerleader. Under today’s cultural definition of “love”, I would say I love them, truly love them, but it’s not the same kind of love they sing about in love songs.

I don’t believe in a singular hard-set definition of love, because the conceptualization of the feelings we express as love is exactly that, a multiplicity of feelings. Love is a frivolous word. Caring for someone, sure. Trusting someone, possibly. Craving an intimate relationship with someone, yeah. But love as one emotion just seems like a farfetched idea. I mean, you can love your significant other, but you can also love pizza. As is the nature of human beings, I am hypocritical. While I do not believe in the singular all encompassing definition of “love,” I would say that I love certain things and people. I hold high regards for my friends and family and would go as far as to say that I love them (whatever that means), but it is just hard for me to understand what it means to be emotionally invested in someone to the point where you are enchanted by them.

I find myself fascinated with the way my brain works and the way my body moves. I giggle when I find myself smiling at the randomest things that I find pretty or cute. I picture myself relaxing at home with only the natural light piercing through the window, sipping on hot chocolate, reading. I get excited when my favorite song comes on and I feel the need to sing it at the top of my lungs. I apply my makeup and think about how gorgeous I look and when I take it off, I still find myself smiling at my beautiful reflection.

 17  gossip we have had since we were 14. There are no other people I would want to adventure and be zealous with. I have crushes on all of my friends. Maybe not a “crush” in the definition of wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with them, but definitely enchanted by them. I love when we hang out and laugh about the silliest jokes only understandable to us. When we try new things, I get to see the kidlike curiosity take over. Even when we are just silent in each other’s presence and the only sound accompanying us is that of calm breaths, I am proud to be their friend. I am proud to be in love with them. In moments like these, I feel like I might connect to love songs more than I think.

The great love that Shakespeare wrote about is how I feel about “Imyself.wanna plant you in my heart, oh So love can grow Can I call you Rose?”

“So many days I’ve thought of you It’s about time you knew the truth Got to act quickly, you and I We fall in love, so many reasons why” Realizing I love in many different ways was a validating experience for me. I began to find the most mundane and niche things romantic once I realized that romance and love is applicable in so many ways. I found it romantic how butterflies gather around flowers and politely pursue the flower for a taste of nectar. I found it romantic how trees create oxygen for humans to breathe and humans create carbon dioxide for them in return. I found it romantic how my hands kiss when I clap and how my clothes hug me when I wear them.

It still felt like I was being mocked by every love song. It took a lot of love songs and a lot of self discovery to come to the conclusion that I am capable of great love, even the kind you sing about, just in a different way than I originally thought. I remember it being a rainy day — very cliché, I know — and listening to “So Fine” by Mint Condition. I listened to the rain colliding with the window as I laid in bed, secured in a blanket, reading and smiling along to the song. I found myself being proud of everything I have accomplished. I have a lot of qualities that I respect about myself; everything that I have been through in my life has made me the person I am today and I am only continuing to develop and learn. Maybe I like myself a little more than I give myself credit for. The love song is not about how I enchant someone else but how I am enchanted by myself. When I hear these songs that I used to despise, where before I heard “this will never be me,” I now hear “this is me.”

Love songs helped me find romance in many aspects of my life. I stopped hating them and started listening for the things I love, the people I love. Listening to “Why Don’t We Fall in Love” by Amerie, I became content with the love I have and share with others. It may not be the kind of love they talk about in movies or write soliloquies about, but it is mine. A love all of my own. “Such a woman of quality Your body’s so supreme When you dance you sway so elegantly” My final battle with the beast of love was finding it within myself. It was liberating to be able to hear a love song and finding enchantment in everything, but it was also difficult to accept that I was still not fully appreciating myself. I never felt like there was anything that made me special. Never anything to sing about. It was so easy to hear a love song and connect it to one of my family members or my friends but it was so hard to connect it to me. In the back of my mind there was still this lingering thought that “no one will ever feel this way about me.”

Love songs do not make me sad anymore because I have a great love. Enamorment, enchantment, enthrallment no longer run away from me; rather, we run in tandem with each other. Instead of waiting for roses to bloom in the winter I now enjoy the camellias that grow in the winter, the roses that grow in spring, the sunflowers and the marigolds that grow in fall. I’ve come to understand that love, like flowers, grows at different times and is represented in many different ways. Maybe I will never find a romantic partner who I will say reminds me of a love song. Or maybe I will. But no matter what, I know that my love is not just consistent with my ability to be enchanted by one person. I have a lot

The question is often asked jokingly in response to my mention of my long-term partner. He and I have been together for three and a half years. We’re what you would call ‘high school sweethearts,’ and by some miracle (maybe there was some sorcery at play here), we both ended up at UCLA. The cherry on top of the already exceedingly sweet cake: first love. The answer to this common question is that it’s complicated. One question that I can answer, however, is “Is it everything you’ve ever dreamed about?”

 18 

In the eighth grade, I was pining for a girl with dyed hair and piercings who sat across the room in my confirmation class. I never learned her name and I only saw her three times in my life, but I thought so much about the person she might’ve been that my friends still remember her. For a few months of sophomore year, I had a thing with a guy who actually returned my feelings. It fizzled out quickly. I liked everything leading up to the heat-of-the-moment confession we shared over Instagram DMs. After that, I stepped back. I didn’t like the fact that it started to feel real. Once I realized I had to be vulnerable with someone and actually learn how to handle a relationship, I was no longer interested. It all seemed so tedious and uninteresting compared to heart-stopping fanfiction that made me squeal into my pillow at 3 am. In the beginning, my partner and I were like that. The first interaction I ever had with him was when he playfully made fun of me in Spanish class sophomore year after I got a question wrong, and unfortunately many of my fictional crushes at the time had smart mouths. We didn’t start dating until junior year, when our Catholic school class went on a retreat and he had some sort of epiphany about me. Divine intervention is pretty cinematic, I’ll admit. September 2018 was the month I beamed with elation, and I wore a sparkly red dress to Homecoming that year to match it. But in December of that year, I broke up with him. My parents didn’t want me to date until I was older, and a part of me liked the idea of a secret relationship. If they approved, then it would feel real. What scared me most is that I secretly wanted to have something real with him. I had spent so much of my life being a people pleaser, so having to stand up and take what I wanted genuinely terrified me. I shut him out. This wasn’t like the angst between fictional characters I liked reading: my actions hurt an actual human being who committed no sin except for caring about me. We got back together and we’ve been together ever since. I’ve experienced the walking-on-air lightness of the honeymoon phase and feeling your feet back on the ground once it’s ended. Our relationship is a happy and healthy one. But that doesn’t mean that it’s ever been as easy as it was back when he asked me to prom, with a poster that included lyrical references to Fall Out Boy and Twice.

“Is the magic still there?”

The transition to college is no joke. I understand completely why so many relationships don’t survive it. Both of us are stubbornly ambitious; we’ve both thrown ourselves into chasing our dreams wholeheartedly. As a result, we don’t see each other often. Even though we live within walking distance of each other, we only see each other for an hour once a week at most. We both care deeply about each other and do everything in our power to continue to make it work.

Getting Over the (Honey)moon by Julianne Estur, design by Katelynn Perez together by fate in a classic soulmate AU. I idealized the chase. That was the magical part of romance. Nobody really cared about what happened once they got together.

Simply put, no, it isn’t. Back in the third grade, I already had big dreams about how I’d have a love story for the ages. I grew up in a small rural town in Georgia and went to an even smaller Catholic school from kindergarten through 8th grade, where my graduating class was only twelve people. The lack of options led to me developing an agonizing crush on the first boy who acknowledged my existence. He was a white, Christian, conservative who loved to hunt, the quintessential Southern boy, but I liked him until I moved to California before high school. Looking back, it’s probably for the best that nothing ever happened between us. My memories of those years are defined by my desperation to be liked by him. He was an altar server at the only church in town, and I used to always watch him as he carried down the processional cross at the beginning of Mass. Throughout middle school, he had a couple of girlfriends (though “girlfriend” is a very loose term for a middle school relationship). All of them were white, which I didn’t think much of at the time, but now it’s one of those things that I look back on and feel a deep sense of grief for my younger self. I didn’t love myself enough to know when to walk away from someone who wouldn’t even give me a second glance. Still, I read into every little interaction we had as some sort of sign of his inner complexity and secret angst. I convinced myself that I could know him in a way that nobody else could when I never really knew him at all. I was genuinely convinced that I loved him. Now I see it for what it is; borderline obsessive infatuation. Still, I realized that my crush wasn’t as much about me liking him as it was about wanting him to like me. I was a quiet, nerdy kid who liked anime back when people still thought it was weird. I never wore skirts with my school uniform because they made me uncomfortable even though they were knee-length, and I was always the odd one out in my class somehow, despite the fact that it was so small. I wanted someone to like me and trust me with their deepest secrets because it meant that I, in all of my adolescent lousiness, could be deemed a likable human being. I found solace in fanfiction. I loved the pining aspect of romance, the sneaky glances across the room, the inner turmoil over whether or not the other character liked them back. The angstier and slower the burn, the better the payoff when they inevitably got together. Of course, I was an avid enthusiast of alternate universes (AUs). I lived to see my favorite ships fall for each other in a fantasy setting or bound

 19 

Maintaining relationships is difficult, especially when I’ve been such an insecure person my entire life. It still doesn’t come easily to me.

I ended up losing a couple of friends because of how I projected my insecurities outward. I dismissed my friends’ happy and traditionally romantic relationships as naive and uninteresting. I resented that I couldn’t achieve that ideal the way they could. Being cut off made me shake off whatever spell was cast on me. I realized that in many ways, I had let myself lose faith in our relationship ever working. I once again failed to see that my partner was (and still is) trying his best to reach out and connect with me in his own way, even if that didn’t mean setting up a romantic candlelit dinner and writing poetry about me. I still feel guilty. I made the choice to maintain my distance from my ex-friends until I learned to cope with my feelings better. However, I’m also learning to forgive myself. I’m certainly not the protagonist of a cutesy fanfiction, but I’m also not a morally reprehensible villain. I’m just a person who is capable of fucking up, and all I can do is hope that there is someone out there that still sees the good in me despite that. So to answer the question, no, the “magic” isn’t there anymore, because we were never magical. We’re just people, and that’s a glorious thing to realize, once the initial enchantment wears off. Sometimes, what I feel for him seems like the only thing in the world that reminds me that I’m a person. It isn’t being loved that made me reach this conclusion, like I once thought. Rather, it is the act of loving—actively, truly, so deeply that it terrifies you to speak of it—that has humanized me. A lot of fanfiction and romantic media ends once the characters get together. For better or for worse, I have to live, even after that. I don’t know what will become of us in one month, or one year, or one decade from now. But whatever does happen, I have the feeling that I’ll eventually look back and be in awe that we were real. 5/4/22 — AN ADDENDUM

My rose-colored view of a fairy tale romance had been shattered with the transition to college, but in its place was something arguably more sinister. To cope with my inability to accept the inevitable difficulties of relationships, I fetishized my own suffering. During the beginning of the school year, I became so convinced that we would never make it that I started treating my life like a work of fiction. It was just such a good story, wasn’t it, to watch the high school sweethearts go down in flames? It was compelling. It would make for a good character arc.

It’s funny how life works sometimes. A little over a week ago, my (now ex) partner and I mutually decided to split. I’ve spent so long fearing breakups and anticipating what I would feel: rage, depression, hopelessness; however, what I feel the most is gratitude. I feel lucky that I was with someone who taught me how to accept all my emotions as they are. I used to fear pain, but I’ve been seeing it in a new light. The fact that I feel his absence so palpably is proof that he was in my life. You can only grieve a person so deeply because you love them. It’s made me feel achingly human. Like I said, fanfiction often ends with the characters getting together; their development never progresses past the story’s endpoint. What this doesn’t account for is that people change, and who you are and what you want might not be the same years down the line. The hardest part of this has been realizing that even though there are lots of relationships where there’s clearly a bad guy, there are also cases where it’s not so black and white. My ex isn’t the same person he was in junior year of high school. But neither am I, and I’m thankful for that, because we’re both growing into the best versions of ourselves. We’re just not doing it together anymore. I have to forgive us both for that. There’s a lot of love in trying to work through something, yet there is also love in letting go after you’ve tried everything you could. Too many people nowadays think a relationship has failed if it doesn’t last forever. I used to think this way too. I’m learning that a thing can end and also be great. I’ll admit that it’s strange to think about how in the future, I will have likely thrown out everything he gave me and wiped my phone clean of our photos and messages. I won’t remember much of our relationship. When I’m in my 40s and 50s, this will seem like such a minor part of my life. There will be little evidence that we actually happened. But he helped me become the person I am today. I am proof that for a brief moment in time, we really existed, and what a beautiful moment it was.

Entering the Mythical Multiverse: An Interview with Nas Nixx by Kristin Haegelin, design by Grace Ciacciarelli

in her photography class when she used color film instead of black and white!), Nas continued her studies at community college before gaining admission to CalArts in 2017.

Since her time studying at CalArts, Nas has set herself apart from the crowd with her photoshoots that often capture mythical subjects such as fauns, forest nymphs, elves, and angels. She is also a master of setting. With only a glance at her Instagram feed, a multitude of pastoral scenes, Victorian-style houses, and even futuristic spaceships pop up into view. Enhanced by the glowy and dreamlike quality of film, Nas crafts her own kind of universe replete with alien landscapes and a bewitching cast of terrifyingly beautiful creatures armed with weapons or deathly sharp nails.

Anymph stares at you through your screen. The creature is laying on a bed of dirt, vibrant sprouts and luminescent mushrooms scattered round. There is a polished sword by their side and only now do you notice the look of mischief in their bright peridot eyes and the pink blush blooming across their cheeks. You see danger, or perhaps something closer to seduction. You see the world through the eyes of Nas Nixx.

Nas is a film photographer based in Los Angeles with a unique taste for the fantastical. Growing up in Miami, she first discovered her love for photography during high school and heard about different college art programs through her friends. Though she almost did not graduate high school due to poor grades (fun fact: she got a D

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Wow, it’s crazy to think I’ve only been here for 5 years, feels like a long time and not long at all. But yes, my shooting process has changed so much. I used to have the models (which were my friends) do their own makeup and dress themselves. At the beginning, I would experiment a lot to eventually find my style. Now when I do a photoshoot, I have an entire team, makeup artist , hair stylist, wardrobe stylist and an assistant. Recently though, I have been doing more simple shoots with friends because it’s so much easier and less pressure. What was your experience breaking into the photography scene in LA? Is there anything you wish would change about the industry (whether that be encounters with nepotism, sexism, racism, ableism, or anything at all).

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It has only been three years since you graduated from CalArts and only five years since you moved to Los Angeles, but you have already created an enormous body of work and gathered an impressive social media following. Over the course of your time in LA, how has your shooting process evolved? Has anything become easier, harder?

I would say you learn a lot from just being on set and assisting. Also, at the beginning you need to treat this like a job if you want this to be your job. Force yourself to do a photoshoot a week. Practice makes perfect. I’ve taken photos at this point of like 200 people, and most of that came from when this wasn’t my full time job and I was just having fun. What is your favorite mythical creature?

Evidently, Nas’s distinctive style and hard work have taken the industry by storm. Nas’s instagram (@nasnixx) has amassed more than 70,000 followers in the past three years and her portfolio is dotted with influencer superstars. Her past collaborations include work with musicians such as LoveLeo, Cray, Ellise, WHOKILLEDXIX, as well as YouTube and Tiktok personalities Jake Webber, Spencer Goulding, and Joey Graceffa. In the past few years, she has expanded beyond her personal shoots as well. Recent offshoots include producing editorial material, directing music videos, and running a fashion line of totes, hoodies, and beanies with prints of her designs. Oh, and not to mention- she has done all of this being only a few years out of college! I sat down with Nas to discuss her creative inspirations, experience with the LA photo industry, and advice for young artists.

I feel like my experience breaking into the photography scene in LA was slow and patient. No one really knew who I was, but the more photoshoots I did, the more people got to know me. I’m also pretty young (I was like 19 at the time) so people oftentimes didn’t take me seriously or would be jealous and hate me and talk shit about me. I wish that could change and we support each other even if we are in the same field. There is enough room for everyone, and we all offer something different. Also me being a Colombian bi woman who shoots film doesn’t help people hating me. For some reason digital photographers hate film photographers. Also the men in charge don’t take women seriously. Like when I’m discussing my rate to someone’s manager. It gets uncomfortable; I also wish that would change. Everything you mentioned needs to change, but those two were my personal experiences.

Love this question. My fav mythical creature changes everyday but today it’s a mermaid. I’m crazy and I know that but I think they are real. We haven’t discovered like 90% of our ocean so I think at the bottom of that are mermaid-like creatures.

Beyond your remarkable portfolio and star-studded list of past clientele, one of the most inspiring things about your career is that you were able to achieve all of this while only being a year or two older than the typical UCLA senior. What would be your advice for any young creatives also hoping to establish themselves?

Your distinctive visual style has been described by others as gothic, dreamy, bizarre, and even satanic. How would you characterize your work and where do you draw inspiration from? I never know how to describe my work. What I usually say is “it’s grunge ethereal elf photos, fantasy on film”. I get inspiration from literally anything. When I go on a hike and I see a cool tree, it makes me think of the photoshoot I could do with it, or even when I watch anime it gives me inspiration. I try to be a sponge and absorb everything. When talking about your piece “Center of Attention” for SaveArtSpaceLA, you mentioned that you imagine all your work as “stills in a narrative”. Do you ever construct a storyline during the brainstorming process of your shoots? Yes, I’ve created this little world in my head, and I’m a very emotional person who loves to daydream (I’m a Pisces lol) so it’s only natural that that bleeds onto my work and helps me create these narratives. Usually I’ll think of it before, but sometimes I’ll do a photoshoot and analyze it and realize I subconsciously created this entire photoshoot based on what I’m currently going through. Also, as you have already begun directing music videos, do you see yourself getting into long-form storytelling with filmmaking or television? I would love to make a short film. I have great ideas. I’m just not the best at writing, so I would probably need someone to help me with that aspect of it. But that would be so fun. I’ll do anything at least once.

Much like the mermaid creatures Nas admires, her artistic work reminds me a lot of the song of the siren. With delicate pastels and soft, feathered textures, she brings the viewer in- almost tempting them through promised sweetness. But her work always moves past fluff; she is willing to examine materialism, mental health struggles, and unnerving emotions that simmer below the surface in her inclusion of horror elements and bondage. Nas’s ability to mine the fragile relationship between what we admire and what we fear (or our inability to tell the difference between the two) makes her an artist to watch out for. Reader, beware or delight in this fact: It’s Nas’s world. We’re just living in it. <3

Not-So-Happy Happily Ever Afters by Amber Phung, design by Katelynn Perez

In “The Little Mermaid,” Ariel sacrifices her voice for the man that she loves (Gray, 2019). This loss symbolizes the stripping of the female identity and suggests that women must forfeit their opinions and independence to yield to men. This storyline of women restricting their individuality for men is a recurring pattern that researchers have identified. Startlingly, women in Disney movies oftentimes speak

Iremember as a child, my favorite princess was Aurora from “Sleeping Beauty.” I was fascinated by her three fairy godmothers (I didn’t even have one!), jealous of her magical ability to communicate with woodland creatures, and mesmerized by her liberating “true love’s kiss.” Sleeping Beauty epitomized the allure of being a dainty, beautiful girl who was sheltered from the world and in need of a man to whisk her away. In turn, her story misleadingly inspired me to strive to be like her. I became convinced that one day, I would find my true love and all my life problems would instantly dissipate, ushering in my own happy ending. It turns out that my childhood aspiration was not atypical: many impressionable young girls who grew up with Disney princesses dreamt of being a princess themselves, residing in a shining castle with her Prince Charming (Mcbride, 2016). Unfortunately, the concept of the Happily Ever After is not the sparkly fairytale dream that Disney paints it as. Underneath their glamorous facades, the princess movies that enchanted generations are riddled with misogyny.

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The early princess movies of the late 20th and early 21st century reiterated the same sexist narrative: gorgeous girl meets handsome guy, centers her existence around him, and suddenly everything falls into place. For instance, Cinderella’s only escape route from her terrible home life is a prince who figures out her shoe size; the true love who wakes Snow White from an evil witch’s curse is a man who watches her sing for 5 minutes and doesn’t see her again for a year. The disillusionment of women in these princess movies recycle patriarchy-centric discourse: time and time again, the female protagonists in Disney princess movies uproot their entire lives for a man just to get their Happily Ever Afters.

“Beauty and the Beast” of 1991. Both 2017 and 1991 Belles are a pretty girl who submits to the whim of a man (and even gets Stockholm Syndrome) and glorifies male domination. The live action remake of “Mulan” reinforced the “cool girl trope” – to be accepted as an equal in society, a woman first needs to be seen as equal by her male counterparts. The sad reality is that re-packaging misogynistic narratives as forward-thinking feminism isn’t actually helping much in the grand scheme of things; it’s just making old sexist content palatable to contemporary consumers.

Gender development is an extremely nuanced facet of childhood that plays a huge role in our future perspectives and perpetuates the patriarchy, so it’s important to be conscious of the content we’ve consumed and are currently consuming. Disney princesses’ widespread popularity only bolsters the negative impacts and misogynistic mindset of the “Happily Ever After” trope we grew up with. However, in the past couple of years, Disney as a corporation has been trying to rebrand itself as progressive with the introduction of remakes and nuanced princesses. Unfortunately, this concerted effort to incorporate feminism often falls flat and comes across as superficial. Therefore, we as a society must move to completely break the boundaries of patriarchal standards in children’s movies. So now when you reminisce about your childhood or watch a Disney remake, ask yourself if you are falling under the enchantment of Disney princess movies, challenge your biases, and circumvent the propagation of prejudice.

Interestingly, in recent years, Disney has attempted to transform their take on princesses. The emergence of multidimensional female protagonists like Elsa and Anna, Moana, Raya, Mirabelle Madrigal, and Vanellope von Schweetz indicate a distinct metamorphosis in princess characterization. The princesses of the late 21st century are no longer gender-stereotypical; rather they are nuanced, flawed, and don’t need a man to do the saving – just like women in real life. Live action remakes of classic princess movies also try to further this transformation: see the 2017 “Beauty and the Beast,” 2019 “Aladdin,” and 2020 “Mulan.” Of course, one thing stands in question: how much of this is an authentic effort to advocate for the feminism movement and how much is superficially manufactured to win over the public? Though on the surface it may seem like these remakes are marking a massive paradigm shift, Disney’s sudden undertaking to retell fundamentally regressive storylines as “progressive” falls under classic capitalist feminism. The growing market appeal of watereddown feminism and activism in general is becoming more and more prominent, as large corporations scramble to remain “woke” to keep their money flow coming in. Unfortunately, this corrupt distortion of advocacy is exactly what is occurring in newer Disney princess movies and remakes. By cherry picking how female-empowering their content is, Disney is able to appeal to younger generations and cash in on consumerist feminism. And at their core, remakes of the old princess fairytales are still essentially sexist (surprise!). Emma Watson’s promised “extremely feminist” characterization of Belle was riddled with the same

stereotypesmagnifies-stereotypes.html.astheoriginalanimated

Mcbride, J. (2016, June 20). Study finds Disney Princess culture magnifies stereotypes in young girls. Phys.org. Retrieved April 22, 2022, from https://phys.org/news/2016-06-disney-princess-culture-

gobankingrates.com/money/business/how-much-is-disney-worth/.

WORKS CITED Coyne, S. M. (2016, June 18). Pretty as a Princess: Longitudinal Effects of Engagement With Disney Princesses on Gender Stereotypes, Body Esteem, and Prosocial Behavior in Children. Society for Research in Child Development. Retrieved April 22, 2022, from https://srcd. Gray,onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/cdev.12569.R.(2019,July24).DidDisneyshapehowyou see the world? BBC. Retrieved April 22, 2022, from GOBankingRates.Jeffries,worklife/article/20190724-did-disney-shape-how-you-see-the-world.https://www.bbc.com/S.(2022,February18).HowMuchIsDisney’sNetWorth?RetrievedApril22,2022,fromhttps://www.

 27  less than their male counterparts, “despite being the title characters” (Gray, 2019). In “The Little Mermaid,” women speak 32% of the time; in Pocahontas, 24%; in Mulan, 23%; and in Aladdin, only 10%.

This literal and figurative silencing of women is not only concerning in and of itself, but it also poses a threat to the development of gender stereotyping in impressionable youths who consume Disney princess media. Sarah Coyne, a family life researcher at Brigham Young University, discovered in 2016 that engagement with Disney princesses amongst two year-old girls directly correlated with greater “female gender-stereotypical behavior.” This was defined as playing with dolls, using tea sets, only liking pretty things, and playing house or dress-up while having an adversity to things typically associated with boys like toy guns, tool sets, sports, or rough and tumble play (Coyne, 2016). Obviously, this isn’t to say that everyone who watched Disney princess movies is misogynistic; rather the connection between perception of gender identity and exposure to Disney princesses should be something to be aware of. And although these stories do present moral dilemmas and enlightening themes to children, the overarching message of “princess needs prince to live peacefully” misrepresents women and inadvertently reinforces the application of sexist stereotypes off-screen. If kids grow up watching movies that continuously portray women as dainty homemakers whose worth is defined by their appearance and men as dashing valiant breadwinners, these gender roles will become further solidified in real life. The extensive franchisement of Disney speaks volumes about how much this warped media is seen: in 2021 alone, Disney’s total revenue exceeded $67 billion – enough money to pay tuition and housing for over one million UCLA undergraduates (Jeffries, 2022). This isn’t to say that Disney as a corporation is promoting sexist content. Instead these statistics exhibit the general conventionality and unavoidability of princess culture in contemporary society.

PlaylistEnchantmentThe

SUGAR WATER BY CIBO MATTO

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It doesn’t feel right to have an Enchantment Issue without mention of the song “”Enchanted”” by Taylor Swift. I’m going to refrain from the “Webster’s Dictionary defines enchanted as” trope and instead refer to this song as the perfect exemplar for the warm, sickly, emotional fairy dust of a magical feeling that comes from being enchanted. Divisive as an artist, –but undeniably talented in my eyes– Taylor Swift uses her pop-country charm to bring a sonic definition to enchantment. When I listen to this song, I imagine lying in bed on my stomach while kicking my feet back and forth to tame intestinal butterflies. A girl in her room screaming all the words was also the general perception of Taylor Swift fans in 2010, but I feel like now is as good a time as ever to recognize that things that younger girls enjoy aren’t any less art than things stuffy old white guys consider classic. This is a classic to me. [Kelsey Ngante]

Since we are the Radio section of FEM, I thought it would be fitting for us to continue the tradition of a themed playlist for this quarter’s issue. I think a great way for each member to have their voice shine and get a chance to write a bit would be if we published the playlist as a group listicle ex title “12 Enchanting Theme Songs from Fem Radio” or something, and each member gets a couple songs and a space to write how their song choice relates to the theme and FEM values. Feel free to write some song ideas and what gives you that enchanted feeling (potential drafting for an Enchantment Playlist article type)

While Wilco is known as a rock-country band with a primary demographic of early 50s white dads with mustaches and their annoyingly hipster 20-something sons, “Love is Everywhere” is absolutely one of my favorite songs. The title and its lyrics spell out very clearly that: “love is everywhere.” The love that I get from this song doesn’t even really feel romantic: it’s a fuzzy folksy song with acoustic guitar and twinkles and a sense of security that makes me look at the world with rose colored lenses. This is the type of song I’d recommend if you want to feel a bit more enchanted with the world around you. [Kelsey Ngante]

I didn’t want all of my song choices to be unambiguous love songs for the enchantment playlist. My next pick for the theme is the song “Sugar Water'' by Japanese artist led rock band Cibo Matto. Singers Yuka Honda and Miho Hatori, assisted by an operatic sample of “Sospesi Nel Cielo” by Italian classical composer Enrico Morricone, provide a lyrically surreal tune of 90s trip-hop (downtempo electronica meets hip hop meets rock… think Sour Times by Portishead). Beyond just the overall magic of the sound and surreal lyrics like “when a black cat crosses my path / a woman in the moon is singing to the earth”, this song was also featured on the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” soundtrack. I love “Buffy”! “Sugar Water” appears –yes I know the exact scene– when Buffy is slow dancing at the only-exists-in-anineties-or-early-aughts-teen-drama nightclub of her hometown to make her vampire ex-boyfriend jealous. Teenage me thought nothing could be more enchanting than that. [Kelsey Ngante]

 LOVE IS EVERYWHERE BY WILCO

 LITTLE DEER BY SPELLLING

Inspired by Frida Khalo’s The Wounded Deer, Spellling explores themes of uncertainty and wonderment through life and death in her song “Little Deer.” This is the first song from her album “The Turning Wheel,” a folklore commentary where Spelling transforms the mythical with the real world. This Bay Area artist uses fantasy themes in her music to evoke questions about reality and sociopolitical issues. [Amber Stevens]

 ENCHANTED BY TAYLOR SWIFT

An original piece of music created for the latest addition to the Michelle Yeoh cinematic universe “”Everything, Everywhere All At Once.”” Everything Everywhere is a landmark film centering Chinese and Chinese American actors and stories. It’s a sweeping Dadaist science fiction tale about the ordinary wife of a laundromat owner who realizes she has special superpowers while being audited by the IRS. The song is like the movie –– quiet but dramatic, understated but profound. See the last verse: This is a life / Slow and sudden miracles / View of other worlds / From our window sills / With the weight of eternity / At the speed of light / This is a life / This is our life. [Jamie Jiang]

When thinking of enchantment we think of ethereal, otherworldly. But I feel that nothing is more enchanting than the songs about the world around us. Solange sings about cranes in the sky – not the birds we so fondly think of but the metal cranes in the sky that tower above us, enchanting our society and perpetuating the oppression of people. It may not be enchantment in a positive sense but it is the enchantment of oppression and the destruction of our environment. The spell that we are all under is trying to get away which is the repetition we see in the song. Get away from the enchantment we are under. [Anjali Singhal] design by Grace Ciacciarelli

As a musical mogul, Little Dragon had embarked on electronic multigenre music with their breakthrough album “Ritual Union.” Its first track shares the same title, describing a scene of a wedding from an eerie perspective, as the chorus reads, “a spirit holding my hand.” This song depicts the trappings of a marriage and demystifies marital expectations in a bewitching and dreamy point of view through mystic lyrics and synth. [Amber Stevens]  TWO WEEKS BY FKA TWIGS

 WINGS BY SO!YOON! AND PHUM VIPHURIT

Almost straight out of a fairytale, Soyoon sings “Come kiss me, wake me up / Only you / Only you can wake me up,” like Sleeping Beauty herself. In the midst of fantastical lyrics, the artists transcend preconceived categories of music by fusing ballad, R&B, soul, and pop into this song. Leader of Korean rock group SE SO NEON, Soyoon has taken storm in their solo career to challenge and experiment with different genres of music, each song reflecting wild creativity and a wide range of influences. Wings is one example of So!YoON!’s dreamy, fresh, and inspiring style. [Amber Stevens]  RITUAL UNION BY LITTLE DRAGON

 CRANES IN THE SKY BY SOLANGE

 KARMA IS A WITCH BY ALICE LONGYU GAO

This song is about getting the money you deserve and punishing those who withhold it –a very Rihanna-esque message for such a bubbly song. I wanted to represent Alice Longyu Gao, a hyperpop star who went viral on TikTok with her song “100 boyfriends.” She’s so much more than hyperpop – she’s a Chinese immigrant in the United States with an immaculately elegant Chinese accent and a survivor. Her songs are all about bad girl swagger and winky, flirty feminine energy. In this song, she lets everyone who crosses her know that: Karma is a boss / Karma is a witch / I’m the pretty Sailor Moon princess! [Jamie Jiang]

I honestly chose this song because everything about it is enchanting and ethereal. The allusions to dreams and the illusion to intense love is enchanting. The beats and the lofty notes in the background add to the height of enchantment and allow for the listener to feel like they are walking on clouds, also referenced in the song. FKA twigs creates an enchanting portrait of love so intense it’s breathtaking. [Anjali Singhal]

 THIS IS A LIFE BY SON LUX, MITSKI, AND DAVID BYRNE

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MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL

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Shanti sighs, one of those long-suffering ones you let out when the world doesn’t quite fit the way you want it to. “Are we going, then?” she asks the dark expanse outside. The party, she means. The party we were invited to by Elena and Kali, another matched couple. They’re still smitten. Elena’s house is right across my street. Kali and her lay on the front porch every night. I wonder if they dream together. Shanti and I were smitten too, enchanted with each other. We met in a coffee shop for the first time and she told me I was pretty. I told her she was pretty too. She led the conversation. I’m an artist, she said, I want to paint all the dirty dark crevices of the world people like to hide away. All the ugly, all the imperfect. The truth. I told her I was a writer. But inside, I tamed my excitement— opposites attract, don’t they? So I didn’t tell her I crafted worlds in shades of pastel. I sifted through opportunities and perspectives, lives and hopes, and chose the ones with a pale pink veneer. The ones with possibility. This was all going perfectly. And it did, for a few weeks. We shared disparate interests and personalities, but for this short time had opened ourselves up to hope. There was a reason we were matched. We would grow. We would share that soft, pure infatuation we were supposed to. I reach for shreds of that future now. Sometimes I can’t even brush its “Doedges.you want to sit closer to the edge?” I asked. Leftovers from the spread of sandwiches, fruit, and snacks we devoured in near silence were packed away in my picnic basket, and now we watched the sunset on a cliffside near the high school. I had a feeling I would need to get used to the quiet around Shanti. There seemed no end to it. I feared even then, only two weeks since we had been matched, that it would grow into a bottomless chasm with us on opposite sides. But at that point, I didn’t mind. I was willing to make the leap. “Nah, I’m good back here.” A pause. “Unless, I mean, you want to sit closer,” she added as an afterthought. I was naively touched that she had thought of me. I shook my head. I did want to sit closer to the edge, but I would rather be next to her. My soulmate. God, I still couldn’t believe it was true.

Made for You by Trisha Khattar, design by Alex Lynaugh

 31  Her mustard boot clashes with brown skin. The tall heel is rough against my bare thigh. It’s a sticky night. As we perch on Shanti’s bedroom windowsill, I think of myself at eight, ten, twelve laying flat on my back on a night like this. I dreamed this picture exactly, I think. I dreamed my soulmate and I entangled with each other until you couldn’t tell where she ended and where I began. I dreamed we sat just like this, her legs around me, gaze heavy. In my head, on a sticky night, she leaned in and kissed me. Blurred at the edges, we sat in comfortable silence and listened to the world, basking in an unfettered peace. Reality is sharp, thorned in a way I never fathomed it would be for me. The windowsill digs into my tailbone. I am hunched over; a dull ache grows at the small of my back. Shanti flickers in my vision between daydream and nightmare. A constellation of moles splatters over high cheekbones and perpetually downturned lips. Her dark eyes, framed by thick dark lashes, are wide and curious. She’s beautiful in a way I could never be, sprawled with her legs wide open, all easy confidence and halcyon Ihues.am painted in trembling outlines and primary colors. I am choking on her cigarette smoke. At 9:27 am, my mother handed me the envelope. “This is the moment your life begins, Meera,” she said. “Whoever your Matched is, they’re the other half of you; no matter the ups and downs, your connection with them will be the realest thing you Myknow.”mother smiled at my ma. They clasped hands. Since the moment I filled out the first survey at six—name, age, interests, saliva, etc—I cradled the possibility of a soulmate like a tattered teddy bear. Twelve years, and there would be a chance I would be matched with the one person who’d truly be mine. It wouldn’t be awkward with them. I wouldn’t struggle to speak or wonder if they needed me or wanted me or if it was even necessary. We would simply be. The odds that I would find the love I cherished in my parents were low. Only 2% of those in the database are matched per year, but all sapphic couples are brought together this way. It’s sacred. I would watch two girls giggle down the street, heads down, carving a world just for themselves. I’d burn—want—with an uncontrollable fever. My aunts, my moms—all of them were blessed with this love. I couldn’t be the only one who wasn’t. I knew I would. It was instinctual, this feeling. This future was mine.

“It’ll be perfect,” Ma said. “You’re meant for each other, rani.”

We’ll complete each other, share thoughts and dreams and souls—an unbreakable bond. I couldn’t wait.

 32 

“I like sitting at the edge,” I said, deciding to break the ice a little. “It’s a rush, I guess. I could fall—another step and I would—but I won’t. Feels like I’m pulling one over on death, you know?”

The night of my Match celebration, a few months after Shanti and I met, my aunt lay by me in the yard. Both Shanti’s family and mine had elected for a simple celebration to acknowledge the match, nothing fancy. She told me a story about two girls who wanted so desperately to fall in love. These two girls were childhood friends, loved each other in that innocent way that children often do: an all-consuming devotion, with everything they could muster. “At eighteen,” she said, “when they were matched, they realized they just couldn’t love each other the way they were meant to.”

Romantic love isn’t everything, Meera. The Match system isn’t perfect. You have to remember that.”

It was just not done. So they married and loved their children. Lived life with each other until they were old, making peace with a steadfast emptiness in them. “It isn’t a bad life,” my aunt said. “Your aunt and I have been content.

mine for a second. Shifting in place a little, she puts out the cigarette on the windowsill and flicks it somewhere outside. “Do you think it was?” she challenges. Here’s the thing: we are not meant for each other. We chafe. We leave rashes, somehow incapable of touching the other gently. I can’t explain it; it frustrates me that I cannot capture us in words. It leaves me floating, whatever we were meant to be left unanchored. Our differences do not make us stronger. All they do is chip away at us. The way her eyes glaze when I begin to ramble. Chip. The way I retreat within myself around her friends. Chip. The way we seem to misunderstand each other at every important juncture, large or small. Chip. The way she grows herself to cast a looming shadow on me. The way I blind her shadow with light at every given moment. Chip. Chip. Chip. And yet I still see what we could have been. When I can reach that nascent possibility, It’s rose-hued and gleaming. I can imagine our life in perfect luminescent clarity.

I stared at her open-mouthed, swallowed and looked away. I didn’t know that she had even noticed the distance between Shanti and I. I was supposed to love like my aunt, deep and true, for the rest of my life. “But you could have been happier.”

No matter how much they tried, they were just a step out of synch. But there was no leaving each other then, not when they were matched.

My aunt sighed. “I’m not telling you to leave Shanti, Meera.” She rolled over to tuck a strand of my bangs behind my ear. “I’m telling you that life moves unbearably fast sometimes. If you let it sweep you away, if you let it control you, you may look back years later and—” she broke off with a rueful exhale. “Well, you’ll start to wonder just how the fuck you got there.”

India and her boyfriend hated each other viciously but could not deny themselves the spectacular, mindbending sex. No matter the disastrous consequences, they chased that high. Watching them was like watching a trainwreck from a different angle each time. I think about if Shanti and I would have spectacular, mindbending sex. The sad part is we probably would. All our tension: her unrestrained aggression, my wild side. Hate sex is supposed to be fantastic, right? I sigh this time. Do I think our matching was a mistake? “No,” I relent. “Unfortunately, probably not.”

Shanti stared at me. Blinked a couple times in quick succession. “And if you slip?” I laughed a little. “I won’t.” “You could, though. Believing you won’t trip on some wayward rock doesn’t make it any less statistically likely.” Her brows were furrowed, apprehensive. She looked genuinely concerned for me, like she thought I was going to skip to the edge and dangle my leg over the cliff just to prove her wrong. Like I was a child.

“And there isn’t the same threat for, say, crossing the street?” I asked defensively. Shanti rolled her eyes. “That’s a stupid clichéd rebuttal not only irrelevant but incomparable to this situation. I could write an essay on the number of ways it’s incomparable, starting with the fact that one’s necessary for daily life and one isn’t.” I started shaking my head before she even finished her sentence. “You’re missing the point. It’s not just about crossing the street. It’s about, I don’t know, having faith. You have faith everyday when you cross the street: faith that a car won’t just hit you—” “But they do,” she said. “Cars kill people all the time—” “So why abandon that faith on the edge of a cliff?” I pressed. “Letting it be a constant—” Shanti scoffed, laying back to lean on her elbows and gaze out into the forest nearby. I stopped talking. A few moments later, she glanced back at me. Something in the hard angles of her face softened. “I’m sorry,” she said, voice small. “I guess I just don’t get it. But I—” she broke off, clearing her throat. “I want—” Her face was scrunched up. There was a stopper in her throat, barricading her words in. But I heard shadows of them, and I promised to content myself with that distance. She reached over to take my hand, caressing the knuckles with coarse fingertips. No matter how much she washed them, her hands were paint-stained. I tangled our fingers together, held on. We were trying. That was enough, then. We passed the evening in relative silence. “Do you think it was a mistake?” I wonder. “A mixed up sample or Shanti’ssomething?”eyesmeet

“You’re so lucky, Meera,” my friend India used to assure me. “You don’t have to deal with all this bullshit, you know? You’ve got that perfect love just handed to you.”

 33 

“Are we going, then?” Shanti asks again. It’s been almost a half hour of us sitting here. I breathe deep. In. Out. In. I threaded this future together with my own hands; I can be the one to unravel it. “I think we should stop.” The words come out strangled, pitchy and broken, but they come out. They’re out.

Shanti’s face shutters. She goes completely still for a few seconds before furrowing her brows in mock confusion. “Going to parties…?” She crosses her legs and leans back further. I look away from her. If she wants to turn it into a joke, that’s fine. We cope in different ways. But I won’t play along this time. I’m done. “I gotta be honest, Meera, I didn’t think you were gonna be the one to say it.” I throw my hands up, my steadily simmering frustration now spilled over. “And when were you going to say it, huh? Years from now, when there would be no going back? On our wedding day? You’re all about worst case scenarios, Shanti, but when it’s your life, you’re as quiet as a fucking mouse!” Her face twists. I marvel at the irony: this is the moment she chooses to take out the cork in her throat. It’s this moment when our silence is well and truly broken. “Well I’m sorry if I didn’t wanna break Ms. Hopeless Romantic’s fragile little heart. You’re always the one harping on about—about second chances and happy endings, but you wanted me to be the one to break it off? Because I have to be the bad guy, right? You’re a fucking hypocrite, Meera. You preach about patience and fate, but when it comes to your life, all that shit goes out the fucking window?” We search each other’s eyes in the quiet that follows. There’s a peculiar vulnerability in the way that Shanti angles her body away from mine, the way her lips press together. And in a sudden jerk—as if I’ve been yanked backward from the path of an oncoming car—I realize that in this one thing, this one part of her life, Shanti has dreamed just as hard as I have. We have both been slaves to this hope. In all the stormy uncertainty, I’d lost sight of those first few weeks. Maybe we could work. Maybe it’s just not the right time. Maybe we’re too young to understand this. But maybe—if we stay together, years from now, I’ll be telling my niece this story. I’ll tell her I gave in to hope, let the expectations and this bitter fear of the unknown force me to hand life the reins. “We’ll just hurt each other, Shanti,” I whisper. The wounds are only superficial right now, barely scratches, but they’ll cut deeper. Shanti presses the heels of her hands to her face. When they drop, I crumble a little at her red eyes. She shakes her head, lips turned upward in a ghost of wry smile. “We should fuck at least once before we break up. You know it’d be good.”

 34 

Some choked semblance of a laugh escapes me. “Yeah, I know it’d be Shegood.”grins hesitantly back. We stand at opposite corners of her room. Eventually, I pick up my backpack. “So what do we do now?” She sits back on the windowsill, her eyes on the ceiling. “I guess we move on.” “No, I mean. When—if—people ask. This is—this isn’t, you know, normal. People are gonna talk. What do we do then?”

LGBTQ community, Disney continued to support the bill — leading Disney employees to take collective action against the corporation. With the pandemic came an onslaught of calls for social justice. Alongside this call for reform followed an increase in the number of performative actions taken by corporations in what seems to be a new form of marketing. Disney in particular has made shallow efforts to be more inclusive in the past few years. For example, during the George Floyd protests in the summer of 2020 they released the statement: “We stand against racism. We stand for inclusion. We stand with our fellow black employees, storytellers, creators and the entire Black community. We must unite and speak out.” In similar fashion, they included a lesbian character in the background of the 2020 movie “Onward” while supporting anti-LGBTQ legislators. These performative actions often receive plenty of media attention and support from fans of the brand. Ultimately, they function to garner the support of more liberal, digital age, progressive and younger generations. In an increasingly materialistic and consumerist world, we are conditioned to find joy, pleasure, and meaning in the products we purchase. Companies like Disney produce new Marvel movies

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ollowing The Walt Disney Corporation’s multiple attempts to hide its support of the anti-LGBTQ legislation in Florida and Disney CEO Bob Chapek’s company-wide email apology, the company’s employees staged a walkout in protest of the The legislation at hand was Florida’s House Bill 1557: Parental Rights in Education, better known as the ‘Don’t Say Gay’ Bill.

The aptly named bill “prohibits classroom discussion about sexual orientation or gender identity in certain grade levels,” creating a hostile environment for an already vulnerable population. This could “prevent LGBTQ students from speaking about their very existence” and “make classrooms unsafe, discriminatory spaces for LGBTQ children, who often already face increased rates of stigma Under the guise of protecting individual freedoms and parental rights, Florida legislators have created a bill that seeks to threaten the safety, well-being, and lives of LGBTQ students. Despite numerous outcries from critics of the legislation, advocacy groups, and the

The Luring Nature of Corporate Propaganda by Sophia Obregon, design by Cassandra Sanchez

Google despite its Earth Day graphics urging citizens to prevent further climate change continues to hide behind their own deceit. The company has created an illusion of itself as a paragon of climate activism while continuing to support organizations that worsen the climate crisis. The donations they give to these organizations, however indirect they claim they are, only serves to worsen the climate crisis, putting marginalized communities at even greater risks. It is impossible for these corporations to be what they claim to be while operating in a hyper-consumerist, capitalistic society. They function on the exploitation of people, particularly of marginalized people, to extract profit and remain in power. And as long as the power to implement laws lies with corporations, a true democracy can never be achieved. Capitalism ensures a place for corporations, corporations corrupt laws, and their laws ensure that capitalism remains the dominant economic system; creating a dangerous loop that puts power into the hands of these corporations.

Uber spent $200 million to pass Proposition 22, which would exempt them from employing their drivers, and require them to pay for health care and other benefits. Making this the most expensive ballot measure initiative in California’s history. This proposition poses a great threat to the safety and job security of people of color. Its approval demonstrates the paradox of these companies; they will stand against racism when it benefits them but approve it if it serves them. A company that is committed to not being forced to pay health care for its drivers hides behind the image of a company that cares about Black lives. The LGBT community is just one of the many marginalized communities that corporations target with their political influence. Rashad Robinson, president of Color of Change, discusses in an article published by The Guardian, how corporations create and support laws that exploit Black and Brown labor. Robinson explains, “Because that’s one way corporations make money: profitable returns on racism.” Though they spout words of allyship, corporations make money from the oppression of these communities. He calls on us for change, “As a racial justice movement, we must rewrite the rules for how corporations make their money, so they can no longer write the rules for how we live our lives.” To continue allowing corporate enchantment of the public, to continue allowing them to dictate our laws, would be to allow them to systemically profit from racism.

In addition to fiscal contributions from consumers, corporations try to create a false reality of themselves as progressive, liberal, and inclusive. The fact that a corporation can create such a fantasy of itself and influence politics enough to pass a frankly dangerous bill is a shocking idea— but not a new one. Action is needed to limit the influence corporations have on the livelihoods of BIPOC, LGBTQ, undocumented, and otherwise marginalized communities. This phenomenon is greatly highlighted during pride month, in which corporations “rainbow wash” their products in a public display of ‘support’ for the LGBTQ community. During visits to the mall throughout pride month, I couldn’t go two steps without seeing a store advertising their ‘support’ for the LGBTQ community. My initial reaction to seeing all this pride was pure joy; I was happy to see a community that had been the target of discrimination and prejudice being openly represented. However, under this illusion of inclusivity and progress lies a much sinister end goal: the political power that these companies hold. A grip Disney has proven will not help marginalized communities. That is not to say the performative activism that these corporations take part in isn’t influential. In fact, the image that they create through this ‘activism’ often generates public praise. Companies, like Uber, that promised to take a stand against racism by supporting Black owned businesses often covertly undermine true progress.

Google’s thinking is counterintuitive to both their claim and to climate activism. Funding an organization is endorsing the organizations’ agenda. If Google really wanted to support climate action and prevent further climate destruction they would simply not support climate-denying and anti-science companies. If Google wanted to prevent climate change they wouldn’t contribute to one of the world’s biggest polluters, the US military. Similar to the events that occurred with Disney employees this Spring, Google’s employees gathered and petitioned against their company. Ultimately preventing Google from renewing a contract with the Pentagon.

Dozens of corporations committed to fighting against climate change and its impacts have shown that what they really care about is public approval and control over legislation. Businesses like Google, Bank of America, and Coca-Cola have donated more than $3 million to climate deniers while advocating for the Paris Agreement. Climate experts have shown time and time again that the detrimental effects of climate change are especially strong for Indigenous, Black, and communities of color. Much like rainbow washing, these companies “green wash” themselves; they create an image of themselves as sustainable and doing their part for the health of the planet. In the background, they support climate deniers and profit from climate change.

“Ideas for Action: Relevant Theory for Radical Change” author Cynthia Kaufman states that “One of the biggest limits on democracy in the United States is the influence of large donors on our elections.”

and Amazon guarantees cheap and quick delivery on its products, effectively enchanting us with the promise of momentary happiness. Simultaneously, they use the most pressing social issue to mesmerize the attention of consumers. Amazon, Reddit, Nike, and the NFL have all used the guise of supporting the most popular social movements to seduce consumers into purchasing their product. Buying their goods would mean supporting an institution against racism, or homophobia, or sexism, right? So why shouldn’t we purchase their beautiful, cheap, and ultimately temporary satisfaction?

Corporations don’t just limit democracy— they limit our civil liberties. As such, we must go beyond ensuring a fair and just democracy. In order to ensure our liberties we must limit corporations’ power and influence on our social, political, and legislative institutions. As consumers, we have power in what we choose to support. Finding happiness outside the products these corporations create can release us from the constraints of what happiness means inside a consumerist society. Liberation from corporate propaganda and corporate influence is the first step in this process; and, as employees of Disney have shown, it can be accomplished.  36 

Corporations are realizing that by enchanting their consumers through performative activism, they can create profit and retain their political and economic power. We are exposed to their ‘acts of kindness’ on a daily basis through their own advertisements that are found by simply opening up Twitter. Yet, it is critical to remember that the corporations are creating an image of themselves. The reality is that they view us as consumers— as means to an end.

Google is one of these many companies that has continuously stated its support for climate action while simultaneously donating to organizations and companies that seek to push policies that deny climate change. On their public policy page, the company states that its, “sponsorship or collaboration with a third-party organization doesn’t mean that we endorse the organizations’ entire agenda, its events or advocacy positions nor the views of its leaders or members.”

Content Warning: Gender-based violence

Other elements of supernatural folklore in India include the actual classifications of different evil (and overwhelmingly feminine) spirits, such as dayaans and chudails; while there exist minor distinctions to differentiate these mythical characters, they have a lot in common. A chudail is generally a vengeful ghost, arising from the death of a woman during pregnancy or childbirth, that can change its form to seduce and kill young men or lure small children away to eat them and keep herself young. A dayaan supposedly emerges as a result of being mistreated by her family, coming back to haunt them and to drink the blood of her male family members. She also can shift form into a young, attractive woman who seduces lone travellers and feeds on their age and blood; she is said to hold young men captive, “using them sexually” until they die and are forced to join the spirit world (a chudail is also said to shape-shift to lure men into the woods and extract their virility). The dayaan’s primary source of power is her “choti” (long plaited hair) that supposedly works as an additional limb and can be stretched or retracted to do whatever she pleases. She is often described as having feet that face backward and long, black nails. Both forms are broadly compared to succubi in European folklore in terms of their feeding habits that draw from the blood or “life-force” of their victims. Most significantly, however, the dayaan is considered the most powerful paranormal entity in Indian folklore.

Stories of the supernatural are embedded in countless cultures around the world, eerie histories beyond EuroAmerica that send chills down the spine. Regardless of their peculiarity, what unites them is their perspective of women with power, the apprehension of witches. South Asia in particular harbours many intriguing chronicles of witchcraft, from entire villages known for their “black magic” to male sorcerers blessed with miraculous healing powers — but their treatment of women accused of occultism unfortunately makes even the Salem witch trials appear lenient.

 37 

In Nepal, a similar trend follows; witchcraft is said to be passed down by mothers, and considered most prevalent in the Terai and hilly regions. There is a pronounced difference in how witches and male “Jhakris” (i.e. shamans) are treated, given that Jhakris are attributed powers of healing and are thus highly respected and trusted, whereas women accused of witchcraft are routinely ostracised. A report published by the Lisbon Institute of Global Health even emphasised the consequence of such prejudiced ideals: “As a result, shamans constitute a contributory factor in promoting belief in witchcraft, which can consequently result in witchcraft accusations and eventually modern-day witch hunts.” Male sorcerers in Sri Lanka (Kattadiyas) are associated with similar powers that allow them to heal physical and mental illnesses and improve “financial destiny.”

by Shreya Kollipara, design by Lauren Leung Cramer

Chilao Mat Chudail: The History and Reality of Witchcraft in South Asia

To understand the perspective maintained towards the supernatural today in South Asia, it is helpful – and even fascinating – to delve into its history! The town of Mayong in Northeastern India is nicknamed “the Land of Black Magic,” where instead of craftsmanship or industrial knowledge, methods of sorcery are passed down from the village elders to its youth. Legend holds that in Mayong, men have disappeared into thin air, people have been morphed into animals and that many centuries ago, there existed a spell that would carry you through the air and plant you down next to your true love! (Wouldn’t that would give Bumble a run for its money!) The town’s mystical history also includes an incident from the year 1337, when Muhammad Shah’s army of 100,000 horsemen set out to conquer the nearby Ahom kingdom of Assam, perished in the forests of Mayong without a trace, supposedly at the hands of powerful sorcerers.

While some historians believe that the Kattadiya community are descendants of Indian migrants from Kerala, they are still an indispensable part of Sri Lankan folklore and play a crucial role in modern-day Colombo. Gooneratne Dandris De Silva, author of “On Demonology and Witchcraft in Ceylon” even goes to say that