Dear Same Sex,
the Love Letter
Having boys myself I can certainly see both sides of the “silent argument” you and your partner are having. First, I have to commend you on saying something to her about babying him so late in life because I could not agree with you more. However, having children yourself, I am sure you realize that it is hard to tell someone else how to raise their child, so when approaching such a sensitive subject you have to keep your approach in mind: the way you said something to her may have been what made her upset. We often times don’t realize that it’s not what we say but how we say it. The relationship between mother and son is one that only mothers and sons can relate to, and although, she is doing her son a huge disservice by not making him be responsible for himself, on some level I understand her need to ensure he is okay. It’s truly a mother-son thing but we mothers forget that with nurturing our boys we have to also raise them to be men who can stand alone in this world. Unfortunately, not all mothers see this need until their sons
are in situations where they cannot be helped at all by anyone. You also have to keep in mind that there may be underlying reasons why she feels that she still has to “baby” him. Maybe there is some guilt within where she feels that she has not been the very best mother to him and by doing the little things that by now he should be doing himself, justifies that guilt. And, although it may hurt you to see how he is still being coddled, you have to step back and allow her to find her own way in releasing him from the nest, but in the meantime, put your energy back into your daughter, who seems to be feeling the lack of attention. Talk with her about the difference of how you raise children versus what she is seeing from your partner with her son, and explain to her the importance in teaching children responsibility because all children become adults themselves and will have to be responsible for their own actions eventually. the Love Letter