A
Making It Personal
193
Symbols represent entire thoughts, so they serve as the clearest example of the correlation between verbal and non-verbal. They mean something specific in a particular culture and you can also express that specific idea in words. Quite understandably, then, this class of non-verbal is subjected to the same rules of control and outburst as the verbal. Occasionally, a gesture may resemble something you know, so you assume it has the same meaning. Just as the pilot was trying to find meaning in the false cognates, you can easily confuse yourself. All other non-verbal communication serves the mind, however, with little regard for the will. While the will of the young manager says, “Yes, sir!” to the boss, his mind places him above that kind of subservient response. The young man’s hands give him away as he places them on his hips, similar to the young man on the cover of this book. You want to look at the holistic view of an individual’s body language while you notice the bits and pieces. If he projects an angry mood overall, but you see a playfulness about the eyes, what is the message? If I were to see this in a very intelligent man, I would take it as a danger signal. The same signal coming from a middle-aged woman can mean something entirely different. Same picture, but different brushstrokes on the canvas. The only way you can be sure is by baselining the individual. For example, I may know that the woman’s normal pattern relies on a ritualistic harshness when she’s angry, but in this case, I see a playfulness to her eye and a softening of features. I may have a chance to win this one, I conclude; it is all in how I play it.