[john gray] men are from mars, women are from venu(bookzz org)

feelings through trial and error. Through positive role models we would have learned successfully how to communicate-especially our difficult feelings. As a result of eighteen years of trial and error in expressing our feelings, we would have gradually learned to express our feelings respectfully and appropriately. If this had been the case, we would not need the Love Letter Technique. lf Our Post Wore Different Had our past been different, we would have watched our father successfully and lovingly listen to our mother expand and express her frustrations and disappointments. Daily we would have experienced our father giving our mother the loving caring and understanding that she needed from her loving husband.

We would have watched our mother trusting our father and sharing her feelings openly, w ithout disapproving or blaming hirn. We would have experienced how a person could be upset without pushing someone away with mistrust, emotional manipulation, avoidance, disapproval, condescension, or coldness.

Throughout our eighteen years of growing up we would gradually be able to master our own emotions just as we have mastered walking or math. It would be a learned skill, like walking, jumping, singing, reading, and balancing a checkbook.

But it didn't happen that way for most of us. Instead we spent eighteen years learning unsuccessful communication skills. Because we lack education in how to communicate feelings, it is a difficult and seemingly insurmountable task to communicate lovingly when we are having negative feelings.

To come to understand how difficult this is, consider your answers to these following questions: 1. When you are feeling angry or resentful, how do you express love if, while you were growing up, your parents either argued or conspired to avoid arguing?

2. How do you get your kids to listen to you without yelling or punishing them if your parents yelled and punished you to maintain control?

3. How do you ask for more support if, even as a child, you felt repeatedly neglected and disappointed?

4. How do you open up and share your feelings if you are afraid of being rejected?

5. How do you talk to your partner if your feelings say "I hate you"?

6. How do you say "I am sorry" if, as a child, you were punished for making mistakes?