BREAKING FREE FROM THE PAST / 81
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iors as out of your control. You negate the notion that you can choose your own personality, and rely instead on your genetic misfortune to explain away all of those personality traits that you would like to disown. I’m clumsy, uncoordinated, etc. These I’ms that you learned as a child enable you to avoid potential ridicule that might come your way because you aren’t as physically skilled as others. Of course, your lack of skill comes from a history of believing those I’ms and hence avoiding physical activity, rather than from some inherent defect. You get good at what you practice, not what you shun. Keep your I’m and stay on the sidelines watching and wishing, but pretending that you really don’t like that sort of thing. I’m unattractive, ugly, big-boned, plain, too tall, etc. These physiological I’ms are helpful in keeping you from taking risks with the opposite sex, and in justifying the poor self-image and lack of love you’ve chosen for yourself. As long as you describe yourself in this fashion, you have a ready-made excuse for not putting yourself on the line in a love relationship. And you don’t have to work at looking attractive to yourself, as well. You use your mirror as justification for not taking a chance. There’s only one problem: we see exactly what we choose to—even in mirrors. I’m unorganized, meticulous, sloppy, etc. These behavioral I’ms are convenient for manipulating others and in justifying why things have to be done a certain way. I’ve always done it that way. As if tradition were a reason to do anything. And I’ll always do it that way is the unstated message. By relying upon the way you’ve always done it, you don’t ever have to entertain the risky notion of doing it differently, and you can simultaneously ensure that everyone around you will do it your way as well. This is the I’m that calls upon “policy” as a substitute for thinking.