Perspective

BY TONY MAXWELL

They were bouncing down the street, a small pack of high school-aged young men, taking up the whole sidewalk, jostling each other good-naturedly.

I was walking behind them. It was lunchtime, I was on the way to Subway. I could see they were being a little aggressive, asking passersby questions. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but their questions had an edgy vibe. Were they harassing people?

Coincidentally, we all turned into the same Subway. Suddenly I was right behind them.

One of them turned, saw me—middle-aged guy in business attire—and decided I would be their next target.

“Do you know Andrew Tate?” he asked. His buddies turned to watch how I would respond.

Andrew Tate—I hesitate to even mention his name and give him profile—is, as the New York Times describes him, “a social media influencer famed for his misogynistic comments.” A former kickboxer, he has gained a following of millions on social media “with videos glorifying wealth and a particularly virulent brand of male chauvinism.” He has been barred from most social media sites and was recently arrested in Romania on charges of rape and human trafficking. Had he asked me that question a few weeks earlier,

I would have said no. But my 22-year-old daughter had brought him to my attention, almost in the same way.

“Dad, do you know this guy?” she asked, then showed me one of his videos.

I was appalled. Full of rage and bluster, he was literally advocating violence against women, using force to subdue and violate.

So, back to the pack of high school boys in the Subway.

“Yes, I know of Andrew Tate,” I said.

“What do you think?” one of them asked.

I could have answered directly, given him my opinion. But instead, I turned it back on them.

“Do you have a sister? You have a mom. Do you have aunties?”

There was a pause, I could see them thinking…making, I hoped, the connection between Tate the viral influencer and the girls and women in their own lives.

At that point what had been a jaunty, performative, almost joke-y episode became real. We made steady eye contact and had a chat about what Tate really stood for (violence) and how it connects with the lived reality of being a young man growing quickly to adulthood.

I raise this story because, for me, it demonstrates the hunger that exists out there among young men for role models, for information, for guidance, for practical truths that can help them navigate the tricky shoals for our complex, confusing, noisy world of disinformation and viral media.

This hunger represents an opportunity, if not an obligation, on the part of all men, to be active role models, guides and mentors to our young male population.

They are so susceptible to the Andrew Tates of the world. So vulnerable. It breaks your heart.

As an FTP board member, and as a long-time volunteer, I’ve had the privilege of working with a lot of men in this community who care about this issue. I’ve learned so much from the stories, the experiences of women that FTP has helped, and from the amazing professionals and board members who toil in the trenches.

The brutal truth, though, is that domestic violence is not “a women’s issue.”

It’s a men’s issue.

The vast number of perpetrators of violence against women are men.

My encounter with these high school boys reinforced for me the responsibility we as men have to lead, by behaviour, by advocacy, by stepping up to counter the hateful influences our young men are subject to.

Tony Maxwell works in municipal government communications and is an FTP Board member. He also enjoys the trails around Caledon East with his dog Fiji.