10 APR GEOCACHING TASTER DAY FOUNTAINS ABBEY www.fountainsabbey.org.uk
16 MAR KNICK KNACK DOO DAD JUNCTION, GOOLE www.junctiongoole.co.uk
11 APR 1PM ART-RAGEOUS ADVENTURE BRIMHAM ROCKS Get creative outdoors. www.nationaltrust.org.uk 12,13,14, 20 & 21 April Fri 6pm-9pm, Sat 10am6pm, Sun 11am-5pm York Open Studios 2013 VENUES ACROSS YORK Spend a weekend discovering the creative side of historic York with a great chance to pick up a studio map, pop on your walking shoes and seek out a host of hidden spaces in the heart of the city. www.yorkopenstudios.co.uk.
21-23 MAR RETURN TO THE FORBIDDEN PLANET JOSEPH ROWNTREE THEATRE www.flyingducksyouththeatre.com
21 APR 11AM - 2PM CLIFFE SCARECROW FESTIVAL Join in the fun and games, and hunt down the spectacular scarecrows hidden around the village! Crafts, games, refreshments and competitions to make it an enjoyable family day out! Start point: Main Street, Cliffe, Near Selby. 28 APRIL FAMILY DAY WETHERBY RACES www.wetherbyracing.co.uk 4, 5 ,6 MAY FOUNTAINS ABBEY GET MEDIEVAL Take in the sights and smells of a 15th century encampment in the Abbey ruins with Rosa Mundi Living History. www.fountainsabbey.org.uk
theatre 5 - 16 MAR OLIVER YORK THEATRE ROYAL www.yorktheatreroyal.co.uk 7 - 9 MAR SPOT’S BIRTHDAY PARTY ALHAMBRA THEATRE BRADFORD www.bradford-theatres.co.uk 8 MAR SHAKESPEARS 4 KIDS: THE TEMPEST ST. GEORGE’S HALL www.bradford-theatres.co.uk 9 MAR GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS OFFICIALLY AMAZING SCIENCE LIVE ST. GEORGE’S HALL www.bradford-theatres.co.uk 9 MAR THE WILLIAM STORIES JUNCTION, GOOLE www.junctiongoole.co.uk 12 MAR LEMPEN PUPPETS: THE FISHERMAN & THE PEARL JUNCTION, GOOLE www.junctiongoole.co.uk 16 MAR THE UGLY DUCKLING - A BALLET FOR CHILDREN LAWRENCE BATLEY THEATRE www.lbt-uk.org
22 MAR DOGS DON’T DO BALLET YORK THEATRE ROYAL www.yorktheatreroyal.co.uk 23 MAR LEMPEN PUPPETS: EACH PEACH PEAR PLUM JUNCTION, GOOLE 24 MAR CHRIS & PUI THE GRAND THEATRE & OPERA HOUSE, LEEDS www.leedsgrandtheatre.com 26 - 30 MAR SLEEPING BEAUTY ALHAMBRA THEATRE BRADFORD www.bradford-theatres.co.uk 28 MAR ROYAL OPERA HOUSE LIVE: ALICE IN WONDERLAND POCKLINGTON ARTS CENTRE www.pocklingtonartscentre.co.uk 3 APR MOON & GENIE YORK THEATRE ROYAL www.yorktheatreroyal.co.uk 3 APR MICHAELA STRACHAN’S REALLY WILD ADVENTURES HARROGATE THEATRE www.harrogatetheatre.co.uk 3 APR DOGS DON’T DO BALLET HARROGATE THEATRE www.harrogatetheatre.co.uk 5 -6 APR BEN & HOLLY’S LITTLE KINGDOM WEST YORKSHIRE PLAYHOUSE www.wyp.org.uk 6 APR THE UGLY DUCKLING HARROGATE THEATRE www.harrogatetheatre.co.uk 6 APR THE CHUCKLE BROTHERS WAKEFIELD THEATRE ROYAL AND OPERA HOUSE www.wakefieldtheatres.co.uk 7 & 8 APR RAPUNZEL BARBICAN YORK www.yorkbarbican.co.uk 9 -11 APR THE GRUFFALO’S CHILD ST. GEORGE’S HALL www.bradford-theatres.co.uk 12-13 APR THE WIZARD OF OZ ST. GEORGE’S HALL www.bradford-theatres.co.uk 13 APR THE UGLY DUCKLING - A BALLET FOR CHILDREN JUNCTION, GOOLE www.junctiongoole.co.uk
beta mum
“Wake up Mum - the dog’s done two poos. On the rug.”
Given a list of ways to be woken up at 6.30am, that’s fairly low on the list. Being woken at 6.30am isn’t a favourite by any method, but poo news definitely gives it an edge I could live without. In this germ-addled season, the dog has had gastro-enteritis. The rug is washable but this involves extracting it from underneath several items of furniture, including a chest/coffee table crammed with our combined and not inconsiderable CD collection. I heave the chest across the room and feel something ping in my shoulder. Undaunted, I use my good arm to gather up the rug, from which I’ve removed the worst, and commence cramming it into the washing machine. Because it is technically ever so slightly too big, this is proper sweaty effort which requires a particular technique of kneeling on the floor and feeding the heavy fabric in, bit by bit, bracing myself against the loo in order to get sufficient leverage to fight the reluctant washing machine opening. This, of course, is made even more difficult by the very fact that the rug is covered in dog poo and I’m trying not to put my hand in it. I finally succeed in fitting a quart into a pint pot and pause for a moment, still kneeling on the floor, catching my breath. My relief is short-lived however, as one of my boys barges energetically into the room, trapping my upturned toes between cold vinyl floor and the bottom of the door. Once I have decontaminated myself, the floor and the dog, I limp back upstairs with a cuppa for my partner. He opens one eye, sleepily, and mutters, ‘Is something going on?’ ‘Well, yes, darling, but it’s all dealt with.’ No, I haven’t gone insane or become the surrendered wife. I have, my fellow mums, an Ulterior Motive. My boyfriend’s not big on DIY. I can’t help thinking this is a disadvantage in a man who has just been offered a place to do a degree in 3D Contemporary Craft, i.e., making things using tools, and I’m always happy to
help, so I offer to give him some practice with the hammer drill. The heavy floor length living room drapes have pulled the curtain pole brackets partly out of the wall and I fear it’s all about to fall onto someone’s head. He chunters like a wasp caught in a glass and I start describing the dog poo I’ve just scraped off the rug. Like all blokes, he chooses to tackle the DIY job by using whatever bit is currently in the drill, while standing on a wobbly chair, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts and an extraordinarily angry expression. I try to help by making useful suggestions and hear words I haven’t heard since I last gave birth (although I must admit it was me saying them that time). Finally, the curtain pole is fixed. Boyfriend collapses on the sofa, spent with the unaccustomed effort, while I vacuum up the drill dust, pull the sodden rug out of the washing machine and ignore the pain in my shoulder as I lug it onto the garden fence to dry. Eventually, twilight descends. I’ve got the rug dry and put it back down, dragging CD chest back into place without actually slipping a disc. I draw the curtains against the chilly night air and pop to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. When I return, my son has made himself cosy in front of the curtains, on a floor cushion, and is playing Minecraft on the laptop and absentmindedly patting the dog. So absorbed is he in his game, he fails to notice that he has actually sat ON the curtains, pulling the curtain pole bracket out of the wall. Again. He has further failed to notice that the dog was not being friendly. The dog was asking to be let out of the French doors and, being ignored, he has deposited the contents of his diseased guts onto the newly-washed rug. Families Vale of York
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