Parenting
Fitting In and Standing Out Making friends when you are ‘different’
W
hen children are infants, they only have an awareness of themselves. From their perspective, the world revolves around ‘me’. As children mature, an awareness of others usually develops. This generally occurs earlier with children whose cognitive development is advanced because this skill is developmental. Sensitivity to another’s perspective and feelings forms the basis of the ability to empathise and is a critical element in establishing and maintaining friendships. Children of similar chronological age will vary significantly in their rate of development, level of awareness and sensitivity. As children develop the ability to understand how another person may be thinking or feeling, this awareness influences their behaviour towards others. A child, who has not yet developed awareness of another’s perspective, social and emotional experience, will lack understanding of the impact behaviour has upon others. Another child of a similar age may have developed acute sensitivity to their own and others’ feelings, resulting in intense feelings that overwhelm the ability to make rapid decisions during social interactions. It has been found that highly intelligent children tend to have perception and awareness beyond what is expected at that chronological age. Children who are cognitively advanced can be extremely sensitive and may experience emotional overload as a result. These children, although
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Your Local Families Magazine – Brisbane Issue 10 - June/July 2015
intellectually advanced, may not yet have developed the capacity to regulate their own emotions, resulting in emotional outbursts of startling intensity. Miraca Gross, through her research at UNSW, has developed a model of the stages of friendship, based upon children’s increasing levels of cognitive complexity and expectations about social relationships. Initially, a child looks for a ‘play partner’ – a child who will share toys. Next, shared interests become the focus as a child looks for another to chat to about mutual interests. Expectations that a friend will provide help,