Parenting
HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD
make friends Making f riends sounds so simple – just talk to people, right? But simple as it sounds, there’s a lot more involved than just saying hello. So how can we give our kids the skills they need to form meaningful connections and make good f riends?
HEY THERE, SHY GUY! Some children seem to naturally form friendships with apparently no effort. Gregarious and confident, their presence fills the room, and everyone is drawn to them. But what about the shy kids who hang back and go unnoticed? Simply telling them to “go on over and say hello” isn’t going to work, but there are things we as parents can do to help.
THE FIRST STEP The first step to any new friendship is the initial introduction. Introductions to someone new could be via mutual friends, clubs and classes, or being partnered to work on a project together in class. It’s amazing how many lifelong friendships are formed by pairing seemingly opposite personalities in the classroom!
change the game or dominate (the aim is to fit in) and if the other kids don’t want them to join in on this occasion, they should find something else to do instead and try again another time.
Converse The first conversations are about getting to know each other and finding common ground. Trade information about likes and dislikes, take the time to listen to answers, and reciprocate with thoughts and experiences. Parents can help practice through role playing and modelling physical cues like appropriate eye contact and body language to show attentive listening and engagement.
To make the most of the introduction, your child will need certain social skills, and the great thing about social skills is that they can be learnt. Take another look at those confident, gregarious kids. Are their parents and older siblings just the same? Chances are that the kids are naturally modelling the behaviours they see everyday within their own family. If you are not a confident person yourself, this is where the practice of “fake it till you make it” can work wonders. Demonstrating confident social behaviour provides your child the opportunity to observe and learn from you. Making a habit of acting confident can lead to an actual boost in confidence, and practice makes perfect!
HOW TO BE “CONFIDENT” Confidence is the quiet inner knowledge that you are capable. To make friends you need to be capable of holding a conversation, listening, cooperating, observing, compromising, regulating emotions and empathising. It’s a big list, but these are all learnable skills that parents can help children develop.
Observe Before approaching a group of potential new friends, encourage your child to take a moment to see what they are doing and look for ways to fit in. Could they be a character in their role-playing game, or make up the number in a team? Is there something your child could help with? Remind your child to not try to
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Cooperate and compromise Finding something that requires cooperation provides the opportunity to work together towards a common goal. This could be a craft or school project, or agreeing to be certain characters in a game, even if that means compromise in giving up the coveted lead-character role. Practicing negotiation skills for fair turn-taking and task sharing can give your child the confidence to navigate conflict. While new friendships are still in their developing stage, it’s best to avoid competitive activities that could lead to conflict or upset. Parents can help minimise the risk of conflict by putting away prized possessions or competitive toys prior to any playdates.
Your Local Families Magazine February / March 2022 www.familiesmagazine.com.au