July/August 2004

Bishop Mengeling meets witti1 Pope Jahn Paul II www.FAITHmag.com www.FAITHteen.com

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uring a recent weekend at my parish, the Catholic Commumty of St. jude, DeWitt, we celebrated a wedding on Saturday afternoon, a 50th wedding anniversary at the Saturday evening Mass, baccalaureate for our parish's high school graduates at the ftrst Sunday Mass and an infant baptism at the second Sunday Mass. In some ways, this seems to be a typical weekend for our parish community. As the parish continues to grow, tt's natural to celebrate so many important events as part of our regular worship.

On a deeper level, there is a beautiful thread that bound together that weekend's events.

At that Saturday afternoon's wedding, Christopher and Amanda pledged their love and fidehty to one another, forming a married partnership oriented toward life and love. On Saturday evening, Barb and Arden joined with their family and friends to thank God for 50 years of blessings and challenges as part of their married life. On Sunday morning, as we gathered wtth nearly 30 graduates and their families, we celebrated the opening of a new chapter in the graduates' lives and the many lessons of faith they have learned with thetr parish family. Our graduates' presence among us bore witness not only to their faith, but also to their parents' faith and commitment.

Finally, as Sean and Amanda brought thetr son, Corbin, for baptism, we celebrated their commttment to one another and their wtllingness to share their faith in Christ jesus with Corbm and his two older brothers. In one weekend, our parish community celebrated many aspects of the blessings that Oow from the commitment of married life.

Any married couple will readily adm it, however, that their commitment to one another and to their family requires prayer, hard work, sacrifice, patience, trust and a healthy dose of humor. Someumes, some extra help is required in assisting couples to repair, deepen and strengthen their commitment to one another. Several years ago, we met Nick and Virgmta O'Shea. Having weathered thetr own challenges, the O'Sheas benefitted from the help of Retrouvaille, which helped them to repair their marriage. Fifteen years after their Retrouvaille experience, Virginia and Nick have been assisting countless other couples to rebUild and strengthen their marriages.

For many years Worldwide Marriage Encounter has been working to make "good marriages even better." Through the gift of a Marriage Encounter retreat, jane and Scott Cunmngham were able to revive the passion, fun and intimacy that had become dormant in their relationship. The Marriage Encounter is a very powerful way in which the Church continues to mmtster to married couples.

On june 12, Bishop Mengeling ordained three men as priests to serve the people of the Diocese of Lansing. With great joy we welcome Frs. lew Eberhart, Bob Roggenbuck and Nate Sokol. Their faithful commitment to priestly ministry will benefit the Church for many years to come.

The Sixth Commandment reminds us about the power of commitment to bring forth God's blessings in our lives. In living out our commitments to one another, we have countless opportunities for our relationship with God to grow and deepen. And so our journey in FAITH continues.

- Fr. Dwight E:top Is editor of FAITH Mag;a::tne and pastor of the Catholic Community of St. jude.

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Cover Story

Four years ago, FAITH featured Virginia and Nick. Since then we heard from readers who were inspired to follow in their footsteps and fight for their marriage. Now, we check back with them to learn more about their story and how they feel about helping so many. columns

mundane mantage makeover

jane and Scott fell into a rut with evening routines, homework with the kids and all of their activities. They stopped really communicating. Find ut how Marriage Encounter hel~d them put their mamage first.

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common questions answered about mantage annulments

FAITH interviews Eileen Jaramillo. What is the difference between an annulment and divorce? What is the process? Plus: meet the people who work in the dioceses tribunal.

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In the know with Fr. Joe: Dear Fr. Joe: Why is it wrong for a couple to live together first in order to 'try out' marriage? ~

Fr. joseph Krupp

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Theology 101 This nine-part series on the Second Vatican Council continues with Part 1 of Sancrosanclwn Concilium. Learn how the Eucharist is the source and summit of the Christian life.

- Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the [uch:lrlst

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From the Bishop: The Sixth Commandment has to do with more than strengthening marriage. It has to do with chastity. Chastity makes possible wholeness, love, relationships and happiness.

- Bishop C:ui F. Mcngcling

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Work Life: Take this quiz: do your private values match your work values?

- Tim Ryan

2J. The Joumey: How can parents deal with sex in the media?

- IX. Cathleen McGrcm

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Spiritual Fitness: How to rid yourself of impurities that may block your vision of God - Fr. Dill Ashbuugh

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connecting: 3 steps to resolving conflicts money: who gets the checkbook?

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romance: what can the Chun:h say about romance? giving the gift of self

time tip:

f7ljllshop Mengellng

~ with Pope John Paul II "lll Bishop Mengeling on ....AJ the visit and the future

Last Word: While in seminary, Fr. Ohartes Irvin wrote a letter to his mother about purity of heart. - Fr. Charles Irvin

Meetthe3 new priests of the Diocese of lansing

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Rev. Dwight Ezop

FAITH MagiiZine, 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, Ml48933

EDITOR Ill CHIEF

Patrick M. O'Brien MANAGING EDITOR/CREAllYE DIRECTOR

Alton Pelowski ASSISTANT EDITORIWEBMASTER

jillanejob SUBSCRIPTIONS/SECRETARY

Evelyn Weitzel SUBSCRIPTIONS

Patrick Dally GRAPHIC/WEB DESIGNER

Rev. William Ashbaugh Sr. john Mary Corbett, O.P Marybeth Hicks Bob Homing Elizabeth johnson Rev. joseph Krupp Sr. Maria Gemma Manek, O.P. Cathleen McGreal Sr. Elizabeth Ann O'Reilly, O.P. Tim Ryan Nancy Schenzing Sr. Maria Faustina Showalter, O.P Elizabeth Martin Solsburg CONTRIBunNG WRITERS

Margaret Perrone PROOFREADING

Tom Gennara Christine jones james Luning (cover) CONTRIBunNG PHOTOGRAPHERS

Wayne Case Vicki Bedard David Fenech Patricia Garcia D1ane Nowuk Margaret Perrone james Rhadigan Ricardo Rodriguez David Rosenberg Rev. james Swiat Peter Wagner Sharon Wimple ADVISORY BOARD

Elizabeth Martin Solsburg FAITHIMI,_

Tim Ryan fAITH Publl•hlng 5ervla~

lnnerWorkin~s PRINT MANAGEMENT

•• Dear Edit01; I read with sadness a letter last month 2004 FAITH Magazine really from a lady berating tlte usc of a picture of ]FK in FAITH touched me. It is so true about the death of your parents, espe- Magazine as she had made a cially your mother. Sometimes, I decision that he and tl1e "other Kennedy men" had low feel so alone with my parents morals. I wish people who and husband both deceased.

Prayer does help, and my 24have taken the time to read year-old son also helps. Your the trash spread about a dead column is always enjoyable. man, wlto inspired us to do good works more than any Sincerely, - Mrs. Mary Budtley, Lansing president in my 60 years of life, would think about why the authors who wrote this fic1111>1111> I just discovered FAlTHtcen.com and can't wait tion did it. Sex and trash sell, to tell my 14-year-old about it. and sadly people of our faith are tempted to read it, and Thank you for all you 'rc doing to make our faith relevant and some apparently believe it ... accessible to teens!

Thank you, •• Dear Rev Irvin, Your col-

umn "Last Word" in the May

- Maureen Mertow, St1ten lsl•nd, NY

- Judith K Selyer, YpsllenU

resources: diocesan offices restructured

••••••••••••••••••••• • • Bishop Carl F. Mengeling announced the restructuring of diocesan offices to better serve the needs of people. Below is a list of the changes.

Dept of Catholic Charities ChaT (517) 342-2565 Moved: Bishop's Council on Alcohol and Other Drugs, BeFriender Ministry, Project Rachel and Separated and Divorced Ministry have moved to the county Catholic Social Services Agencies. Family Ufe Office to the Dept. of Education New: Ufe Justice DepL of Communications Chau.. (517) 342-24 75 N.ew; In-house publisher Dept. of Education Cha~r· (517) 342-2481 Change: Peter Ries is now the Director of Evangelization Change: Patrick Rinker is now responsible for coordinating young adult and campus ministry in addition to youth ministry DepL of Finance Charr (517) 342·2442 New: DSA/planned giving DepL of Ministries has been dissolved.

Moved: Deaf, Disabilities, Black Catholic and Hispanic/Migrant ministries have moved to the Dept. of Catholic Charities Moved: Office of Worship to the Dept. of Education

''the talk'' successful ways to talk to your kids about sex

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any times, I've been asked by parents just starting out how they should go about teaching their children about chastity.

Although I am in no way an expert on this topic, I have studied it quite extensively for the past 25 years, as a stucent, high school teacher, coach and parent of two teens and !Wo preteens. As pro-noters for the Couple to Couple League (CCL), my husf.nd john and l have had many opportunities to deal Nith this subject. Through our work over the years with 'oung people, the engaged and the married, we have seen hat unhappiness is always closely linked with the persons mderstanding, or lack thereof, of chastity. This article topes to provide all of us with an opportunity to beef up •ur own understanding and repertoire on this virtue.

•ead the rest of Mary Jo Thayer's article on FAITH11Ut1J.COm ..... The Thayers are certified promoters for the Couple to Couple segue International and parishioners at Sl Martha Parish, Okemos. ary Jo has developed seminars on chastity for teens and parents. eb

exclusive

t rosary for

for

July/August

marriages

eflectlons on the Luminous Mysteries, Inspired by >pe John Paul ll's Theology of the Body

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,. The Holy Father summons the faithful to take up e weapon of the rosary to defend families from the pie threat of the world, human weakness and the ms of the evil one. The family, the Holy Father ites, is "increasingly menaced by forces of disinteltion. '' The Luminous mysteries, prayed in .ponse to the crisis of the family, are powerful in 1ewing marriages. This series of prayers offers medtions on the graces needed for the cycles of growth the marriage relationship.

1d the rest of Nancy Hilker's article along with other exclu· ~ essays, features and news briefs only on FAITH com

Blessed Peter To Rot Born: 1912 in Rakunai, Papua New Guinea Died: 1945

Feast: July 17 Claim to fame: Peter To Rot was a Catholic and catedtist who stood firm in the faith during the Japanese occupation of his homeland in Wortd War II. He was arrested for his opposition to polygamy and was poisoned to death.

1Hbe of origin: .,. Peter's parents were baptized as adults and belonged to the region's first generation of Catholics. Peter's father Angelo was a powerful chief who 'Nelcomed the Missionaries of the Sacred Heart and led his entire village in an embrace of Catholicism.

A catechetk:al caling: As a teen, Peter displayed piety and obedience. The parish priest was convinced he had a vocation to the priesthood, but Peter's father felt his people were not ready for native priests yet, so Peter was trained as a catechist instead.

A modest man: Peter was humble, intelligen~ and a natural leader. According to one account, "He let the older catechists guide him in his work and accepted their advice, but eventually eclipsed them all and soon became their recognized leader, although he was younger.'

A manted man: On Nov. 11 , 1936, the only documented date in Peter's life, he married Paula Ia Varpit. Their wedding was in a Cathok ctudl, but included many tribal traditions, such as the payment of 50 shell necklaces to "buy" the bride. They had three children, and one of them, Rufina, is still alive.

Fidelity forbidden: ..,_..,_ The occupying Japanese decided to crack down on Christianity. They decreed that polygamy should be reinstated.

Peter refused to comply, was arrested, and jailed.

A doctor of death: Peter told his mother during one of her prison visits that the "police have told me ... the Japanese doctor wMI be coming to give me some medicine. I suspect that this is a trick. I am really not ~I at all~ Later, another prisoner saw the Japanese "doctor" give Peter an injection, then something to drink, and then stuffed his ears and nose with cotton wool. Peter's body was displayed to fellow prison· ers the next morning.

The Sixth and Ninth Commandments: Bt Peter To Rot stood for the value of Christian marriage and fidelity, and gave his life to prove it - Eli=lbc:th Martin Solsburg

Dear Fr. Joe:

other and saying,"She (or he) wasn't like this when we lived Why does the Church together!"

Of course they say it's wrong for people weren't They were dating I who love each other to The most important realive together and try out son for avoiding cohabitation marriage before they is found in Scripture and actually marry? Wrth sacred tradition. These two such a high divorce rate, sources have made it clear it only seems to make that sexual activity is for sense that a couple realmarriage only.

Some of ly make sure before Jesus' strongest words conmarriage. cern sexual purity - recall This is definitely a key the passage about plucking issue in marriage today, and out your eye. St. Paul's I thank you for the chance strongest words are on the to write about it. I don't same topic. Let's look at th know what the statistics on Catechism : "Fomication is this are, but the phenomena canwl union between an of couples living together unmanied man and an before marriage - we'll call it urunanied woman. It is cohabitation from now on gravely contrary to the digis definitely on the rise. ration and they will let you observed that when two nity of persons and of lmman At some point, portrayals know that more couples than people live together, one of sexuality wflidt is naturally of couples living together ever are living together, and ordered to tire good of spousthem wants to get married before marriage have yet the rate of failed marmore than the other. The es and the generation ancl become so widespread in tel- riages continues to creep up. person who wants to get education of children. evision shows and commerPeople who work in the married ends up "datingft the Moreover, it is a grave scancials that we now have an ubusiness of marriage" know entire time of their cohabita- dal wlten tltcrc is con'lll'tion entire generation of young of dte young." (CCC 2353) that this does not help. Why tion - meaning they are on people who have been raised is that?

These are pretty strong their best behavior. Those of with the idea that this is a First of all, couples who words and worthy of our conyou who are married, sideration! normal and acceptable way cohabitate generally feel a remember dating? to live. I hope to clearly and great deal of pressure to get Remember how much it difTo all parents, I urge you succinctly present the married. I know there are a to begin speaking to your fered from married life?

Church's teachings here so great many couples living Cohabiting couples usually children as soon as they are that young couples struggling together who have expressed have one person dating and ready. Tell them the Church's with this decision can be frustration about feeling one person settled. If they get vision for people who are in well-informed, and so parents pushed to get married. Often, married, the dating person has love. Tell them the value of can discuss this issue openly one person in the relationship accomplished their goal, and their sexuality and the power with their children. wants to get married, and of being able to tell their stops "dating~ This causes Let's establish right away feels rejected and frustrated, frustration. I have had newlyspouse, ul have saved mysel that living together before because the other person weds in my office talking to for you and waited for you marriage does not lessen the doesn't seem to want the my whole life~ me about this phenomenon incidence of divorce. Ask any same thing.

To all young couples considand it usually culminates with priest doing marriage prepaAs a general rule, I've one person pointing at the ering cohabitation, I invite you St l'jllO!IU> of loyall. Pncst July J 1

...... I had an elderly couple come in to sec me to make ammgcmcnts for a celebration of their 50 years of marriage. As the meeting drew to a dose, I asked them what they felt the secret to their success was. They gave each other that "knowing" look that so many years of marriage provides, and the wife said, "We never went to bed angry." I told them that was pretty good stu IT and the husband replied, "Not really.

Neither of us has slept in 49 years."

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\IVI1at do you appt\ldate most about your spouse? ...... We asked Catholics in the jackson area this question at a recent CAFE (Catholic Adult Formation and Education) event.

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""He is always learning more about his Catholic faith and guiding our family toward

Christ:' Maria Berll:emeler married 16 years

to reflect on the wisdom and tradition that has been passed down through every tribe and tongue. There is a power and beauty to what the Church teaches us about saving our sexuality for marriage. There is a gift in being able to tell your children that you and your spouse remained pure. Please pray together and find another way to get by financially and socially without living together.

This is God's plan for marriage. This is God's plan for you.

Enjoy another day in God's (( presence!

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Send your Questions to: "In the Know with Fr. Joe" JoelnBiack@priestcom

"Her patience, understanding and companionship."

Donald Jamrog

married 57 years

"I especially appreciate his kind heart and giving nature."

Kathy Whalen married 32 years

So far in this series we have reflected on the Second Vatican Council5 Dogmatic Constitutions Dei Verbum and Lumen Gentium. Through these documents we have seen that God has not only revealed Himself to us through His Son jesus Christ, but has also formed us into the People of God united in Christ, thus allowing us to share intimately in the very life of the Trinity. Now, we must focus our attention on how we respond to these great gifts. Worship is the most appropriate response to God5 gift of His own life in Christ.

As Catholics, we worship God through panicipating in the liturgy. This is the theme of TI1c CollStitulion on the Sacrr:d LiiiiiiD', also known by its latin name, Sacrusanctum Concilium. It has been called

by Pope john Paull! the "first fruit" of the Second Vatican Council. Indeed, promulgated on December 4, 1963, it was actually the first document produced by the Council. The purpose of this document was to lead all the faithful to reflect more fully on jesus' call to worship God in spirit and in truth and to rediscover the treasures contained in the liturgy. (cf John -1 nl According to Sacmsanctum Concilium the sacred liturgy is the "summit towmd

which the activity of the C/nm:/1 is dilr:ctcd; ancl tl1e same time, it is tire fountain ]rum which all her· powers flol\(" <SC to) The desired fruit of this document and the liturgical reforms that followed was that "all the faithful be led to that full, conscious and active participation in liturgical celebrations which is demanded by the very nature of the liturgy, and to which the Christian People ... have a right and obligation by their baptism." (SC H J Before we can understand how the liturgy is lhe source and summit of the Churchs life, we must first understand just what the liturgy is. The word litwgy comes from the Greek word for "public work of

lhe people," and "means lhe panicipation of lhe People of God in lhe 'work of God."' (CCC 1069) The "work of God" is our redemption. The redemption of mankind was won by lhe suffering, dealh and resurrection of jesus Christ. However, it is up to each individual to allow lhe fruits of this redemption to be personally applied to his or her soul. This is accomplished principally through panicipation in the prayers and sacraments, which make up the liturgy. The Council Fathers put it beautifully when they wrote, "The liturgy. 'through which the work of of our redemption is accomplished,' most of all in the divine sacrifice of lhe Eucharist, is the outstanding means that enables the faithful to express in their lives and manifest to others the mystery of Christ and the real nature of the Church." <SC 21 It is fitting that in ancient Hebrew, Greek, and Latin the same word is used for both "work" and "worship,'' for worship is lhe supreme work of the People of God. Wh1lc recognizing that the liturgy is n the only work of lhe Church, lhe Fathers of the Council emphasize that the liturgy is the supreme work of the Church by referring to lhe liturgy as the "summit of all her

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works.» When we participate in lhe liturgy we are given "a foretaste of that heavenly liturgy which is celebrated in the holy city ofjerusalem toward which we journey as pilgrims, where Christ is siuing at the tight hand of God, minister of lhe holies and of the true tabernacle." (SC!ll Worship is lhe only work of lhe Church lhat is eternal, for in heaven there will be no more need for the corporal and spiritual works of mercy. Thus, worship is the height to which all her other works should lead.

Indeed, alllhe works in which the People of God are engaged, lmge and small, find their fulfillment when they are offered as worship and presented to God in the liturgy as spiritual sacrifices. "Every liturgical celebration, because it is an action of Christ, is a sacred action surpassing all others. No olher action of the Chun:h can ( ( Oqual its efficacy by the same title and to the same degree." <SC7l Not only is the liturgy the summit of the Church's life, but it is also the source.

All life and holiness comes to us through jesus Christ. Through the liturgy we come into contact with Christ in a unique way. It is Chtists presence in the liturgy that is the very fountain or wellspring from which all the Church's powers and energies of life and holiness flow. As The Constilution on the Sacrrd Liturgy states, ~From the liturgy, and especially from the Eucharist, grace is poured fonh upon us as from a fountain, and sanctification of men in Christ and the glorification of God to which all other activities of the Chun:h are directed, as toward their end, are achieved with mrudmum effectiveness." <SC IO) Since the liturgy is the source of the Church's very life, we as Catholics mUSt allow the grace of the liturgy to permeate and transform every aspect of our lives. For this to happen, we must dispose ourselves to be open to the graces 'leing poured out. d) -Sr. Marl~ faustlrm Show:~hn, o.r., Sr. john lllary Corb~tt, O.r.. Sr. Marla Gemma Manek O.r.. and Sr. Eli:abeth Ann O'Reilly, o.r. arc Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist, Ann Arbor.

how is Christ present in the Mass?

Jesus is present in the holy sacrifice of the Mass: IIJii>IIJil> In the person of the priest: The priest presides at the Eud'l8J'istic saaifice in persona Christi - in the person of Christ. By the indelible d'18l"acter on his soul he has received in the sacnment of Holy Orders, the priest ads in the power and place of Christ Himself when he pronoooces the words of consecration during the Eucharislic pnryer.

II+ In the c:omm&mlly of the faithful: Christ promises that "wherever two or tine are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them~ (Mae 18:20) When the faithful come together to participate in the commemoration of the Paschal saaifice, Christ is present among us.

IIJii>IIJil> In the I..JUgy of the Wont: When the Scr1Jhres are read in cludl, God Hinself speaks to His people, and Christ, present in His Word, prociEMms His Gospel. (SC 9) IIJii>IIJil> In the Eucharist: In the Most Holy Eucharist, Jesus is truly and aubstantialy present - Body, Blood, soul and divinity. This presence is desaibed as presence par excellence, because He is truly present under the appearance of bread and wine. For this reason, we genuflect to the tabemacle where the Blessed Saa1ment is reserved and are et'lCOlM'aged to~ and adore Hin in Eucharistic adonllion. how to get the most out of Mass .... The folowing are 8 few practical suggestions to help make "ful, conscious and active participation" at the weekly liturgical celebmlion of Mass 8 ~ easier: 1 Be allentive.l.ilten to the prayers of the Mass. Pay cloee allen1ion duing the ~of the Word. Raise your mind to God dtMing the Eudlaristic prayer: The Mass ilself can leach us a great deal about the meaning of the celebration, if we take care to be attentive. (If you want to learn more, there are many good books out there on the meaning of the Mass.)

'2 Refled on the readings ahead of time. The Olurch recommends reading Saipttn fNefY day. Wrtj not make the Chtn:h's "reading plan" your own by looking over the daily readings? This wil make it easier to pay atlenlion during the Lbgy of the Word.

3 Cultivate a sense of the sacred. Recall that you are in Christ's presence when you enter the church. Show respect by keeping 8 saaed silence as far as possible in this holy place. Try to leave yoor dislradions at the door and cal on the Holy Spirit!

What Is the Divine Olllc:e? . . Since the Second Vatican Council, many of the lay faithful have iaJponded generously il the Council Falhens' ~ il "recite tlte divine office, eUher with•the ~ or among thmnselves, or evm individually." (Sc 100) In fact, in recert yen, it has become iraeasi 9J common 1o enccoo1er 81aypaaon canying 8 brevilry, or 1o wilness groups of h laity, often led by their lOcal pasiDr8, reciting the ~ of tlie Hours in an8l groups in their local pariah churches.

VVhaj, ~ is the Divine Office? The Church i8 engage(~ i1 unceaSng praise and worship of God and in1ercession for man's salwtion. This is accomplished chiefly through the t8ebralion of the Eucharist, "but also in other ways, esptdally by praying the Divln£ Office." (SC as) The other common name for the Divine OfliCe, 1he "Uurgy of the Hours,• reveals the ~ of this prayer. The Divine Office aims at sanctifying the whole day, with prayers for the rnorn!ng, midday, evening and night k has been deaa iDed as the Kaet· ting" for the "jewee" of the Mass, preparirlQ one for the holy sacrifice, and ~ the fruils of one's participalion in it CNer the cane of the day. fvl< yoor local paslor about pnlYiiig the Divine Office. 'rou ~ begn by praying one of the hcxi8, such as morning pmyer, Jl!ivalely, or join a family member or friend 1o fJft1Y the night~ of the ctlurth, called Compline.

Remember this oldie?: "Love and marriage ... you can't have one without the other." Thats true, but heres more: Love and chastity - you can't have one without the other! This applies to all true love, including marriage. Chastity, the integration of sexuality within a person, is at the heart of the Sixth Commandment, "You shall not commit adultery."

In my early years, when my classmates and l memorized the commandments, most of us couldn't fathom "adultery.~ Much later we began to sec a connection with marriage. Yes, as Sr. Clarilla said, "The Sixth Commandment protects marriage." This commandment has to do with marriage, but there:S much more. r, It relates to each person: youth, married, singles, elderly, priests, \_fttigious -everyone. Thats because chastity makes possible and guarantees wholeness, love, relationships and happiness.

As a priest for almost half a century- 47 years- the truth about chaslity and its vital importance has become apparent to me through pastoral ex-perience. In my early years as a priest I was conscious of how much marriage and priesthood were similar. This deepened through close encounters with couples in the Ouislian Family Movement (CFM). During four years as associate at St. Mark Parish in Gary, Ind., I was spiritual advisor to five CFM groups. Each group of five or six couples met bi-weekly at one another:S homes. Using the "observe, judge and act" method, CFMers focused on a program of Scripture, liturgy and social doctrine. During these five three-hour sessions every two weeks, these couples gave me the great gift of learning about marriage.

With lively faith, these couples endeavored to relate jesus' teaching about "/teart" to their marriage.

Two vital truths I learned in the seminary began to make sense and came alive - namely, the spousal meaning of masculine and feminine and the generative life-giving meaning of marriage. I began to realize that the heart of both marriage and priesthood is spousal and life-giving, but lived in different ways.

Both lind their identity and dynamism in the spousal and lifegiving relationship between Christ the bridegroom and His bride the Church. Both require a total gift of self in chaste, faithful and fruitful love. In addition, the spiritual link between marriage and ' nriesthood become apparent. Celibacy for the kingdom of God ffirms and serves marriage for the kingdom of God. jesus' teaching about the Sixth Commandment centers in the

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/teart, the interior person. He fullllls the Law and the Prophets with a new way of understanding and hving the commandments.

Over and over He says, "You have heard it said ... but I say ... " Referring to the Sixth Commandment, He says, "You have heard it said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' but I say that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already commined adultery with her in hiS llemt." By appealing to the heart, jesus links the Sixth to the Ninth: ¡You shall not covet your nelghbors Wife: Yes, Sr. Clarilla, the Stxth and Ninth protect marriage! Lust is the enemy. Chastity is the friend. Looking lustfully reveals what is in the heart, the inner person. The heart is the battlelleld between lust and chastity, and love is at stake. Lust reduces all the personal riches of femininity and masculinity to a single value, sex, and reduces the other person to an object used for sexual gratification. The "other" no longer exists for communion, but only for lust.

Sex without love is base and ugly. because it empties the love encounter of its inner meaning - becoming one with another person. As a mere partner in sex, the "other" is not seen as a person. The fig leaf of Genesis has been transferred. It now covers the face. The man who lusts does not really desire a "woman." joseph Pieper writes: "There is a deception in the encounter whose object is only sex. True, for a moment the illusion of 'becoming one' may arise; but such an outward union, without love, leaves the two more strangers to each other than before.

No wonder, then, that in a society where love is not the prerequisite for the gift of physical union, sexuality is separating rather than uniting man and woman, abandoning them to more loneliness and isolation at the very moment when they thought to have surely found the other. This is intensified as sex becomes more and more a commodity available at any time." jesus teaches that these commandments are carried out in purity of heart, freed from lust. Purity is regard for the other person. Chastity is not to be understood as a repressive attitude, but the stewardship of the precious gift of love in view of selfgiving realized in each vocation. It is a joyous 'yes' of a person free from all forms of self-centered slavery and aggression.

Chaste persoTIS are free for self-giving in the communion of femininity and masculinity. How blessed and happy we are when we accept jesus' teaching that affirms us as body and soul called to a communion of love. "Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. You can't have one \vithoutthe other."

Yet, love ultimately hinges on chastity. You can't have one without the other. 3 -!\lost Rev. uri r; Mengdlng ls the founh bishop of l..omslng.

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Nick and Virginia decided they would stay in their mar~ riage until their remaining children were grown.

For the sake of the children, they spent the next 14 years "in a sham marriage," as they like to say Eating together, sleeping together, parenting together, Nick and Virginia O'Shea raised their children and performed all the out~ ward rituals of a happy couple. Inwardly; however, they remained desperately alone. ~There was no comfon. No communication. No meeting of the minds; Nick explains about those years. ~we both had our own agendas, and when we staned to talk about needs, we backed off as soon as we encountered any resist~ ance. I'd want one thing and Virginia would want another, so I'd back away from it withlfi'.

Nick's responsible young bride had become a devoted mother, out ever talking it through.~ 'WJ which left her with no time for fun, no time for him. When their 4- Virginia agrees, ~The only year-old daughter, Eileen, developed leukemia, the doctors said she time feelings came out were in anger or defense. had a 50/50 chance of survival. Virginia threw herself into saving "And I spent a lot of time their desperately sick child, fighting against the negative 50 percent figuring out how I could get him to come around to my chance. Nick, unable to face the thought of losing his baby girl, way of thinking, without focused on the positive 50 percent. Virginias life became a constant making him too angry," struggle for Eileens survival - taking her for doctors visits, holding Virginia adds. ~God knows, I wore a path to the church, her down for tests, agonizing over the results, wiping away tears. crying and asking 'When are Nick devoted his life to keeping spirits high at home, participating you going to straighten him with the older children in Irish Folk Dance competitions, never out, Lord?!' There was so missing a chance to have fun with Eileen. He began having an affair much mampulation, and 1 never recognized it:' with a fellow Irish Dancer. Virginia filed for divorce.

As their youngest surviving childs h1gh school gradBy the time the battle against Eileen:S leukemia ended with uation approached, Nick reached out to a female co-worker her death at age six, Nick and Virginia were completely isolated who offered him much of what was missing at home. They from each other. Though Nick had ended his affair and Virginia began a friendship , which deepened and became an affair. rescinded the divorce papers, she didn't trust him and would Nick expected Virginia to file for divorce again now that the not forgive him- despite claiming and believing she had. children were independent. While he was away on one of his Though Nick wanted to make their marriage better and heal many trips to Ireland, Virgmia discovered this second affair. the deep wounds, he couldn't communicate his needs and feel- She knew it was the last straw. However, though she dearly ings to Virginia without becoming defensive or angry They had grounds to divorce Nick, she didn't automatically file. worked with a marriage counselor for six months before the Instead, she followed the familiar path to their church, and counselor threw up his hands and referred them to a colleague asked the diocese for help. who specialized in helping Roman Catholic couples work The person who answered her call recommended Retrouvmlle through divorce. After seeing this counselor for a few months, - pronounced ÂŤlrlro..,yc" - a faith~based program for couples For Information on Retrouvallle, a program for troubled marriages, log onto www.retrouvallle.org or call the Michigan coordln.

lit\ruggling with troubled maniages. The program gets its name ~.,.~m the French word meaning "to rediscover" or •to find again."

True to its name, the program has helped thousands of struggling couples rediscover the reason they manied in the first place.

Beyond rediscovery, Retrouvaille gives them tools to reconnect with each other and strengthen their maniages. The program IS based on three core beliefs: maniages deserve an opportunity to succeed, Gods presence can make a difference and reconciled maniage is preferable to divorce.

Couples of all beliefs and stages of maniage are welcome to participate in Retrouvaille. Follow-up surveys from various programs throughout the country show that about 80 percent of Retrouvaille couples are still manied two years after completing the program. These include couples of all faiths, many already separated or even divorced before entering the program.

In November 1989, Nick and Virginia O'Shea attended a Rctrouvaille weekend retreat. To their surprise, they spent the next two days working to try to save their marriage.

Listening to facilitating couples who had struggled through unhappy marriages enabled them to feel less alone. Gaining insights into their own behaviors and what prompted them gave them something to think about. learning powerful new techniques for communicating their feelings without judgment or fear gave them hope. Opening themselves up to the presence of God as the binding clement of their marriage (f.iave them faith. They emerged from the weekend with a '-.~nse that they could work to save their marriage, and that it was worth the effort.

0\•cr the course of 12 follow-up sessions prescribed by the Retrouvaillc program, Nick and Virginia began utilizing new tools to work on their marriage. They talked to one another honestly about their needs and feelings. They listened openly without judging, rejecting or bringing up past hurts as they had so often in the course of their marriage. Those early sessions helped Nick and Virginia establish a new pattern of communication in which they can talk openly with each other about any situation, stating what each needs Without fear or defensiveness. While they once backed oiT from an issue if they encountered any resistance, now both Nick and Virginia express their needs and thoughts, knowing that their spouse wants to understand and honor that need or idea, because it is essential to their partnership.

The O'Sheas came to realize they each needed to grow in selfknowledge before focusing on correcting their partner. ~when you're in pain," Virginia explains, "you can't sec anything besides your own pain. I was incapable of seeing how deeply Nick was hurting." She laughs when she thinks back to all her tears in church beseeching God to "straighten out" her husband. Now both she and Nick recognize, and often repeat, "The only person you can change is yourself."

Now, 15 years after entering the Retrouvaille program, Nick ۥnd Virginia O'Shea have logged 12 years as Rctrouvaille facilitators. They share their stories with couples in troubled marriages and tell of their own experience. For example, they say it was a mistake to just stay together for the sake of the children.

They recommend couples dig deeper and find additional rea-

sons. In keeping with the Retrouvaille program, N1ck and V1rginia say divorce is rarely the best choice for couples struggling in maniage. ''Nine times out of ten," Nick explains, •you're going to go out and look for another person with the same traits that attractcd you to your spouse in the first place. It's not going to work because you're still the same person, and you never get away from yourself. That's the one person you can changer When asked how many maniages they thmk they've saved through Retrouvaille, Virginia snorts. "Oh, 1have no idea. We don't think we've helped them. We believe the Holy Spirit has helped them and that the couples have done the work with God. Our prayer every weekend is 'Dear lord, let us stay out of your way,' and we do what we can."

Whether they stay out of the way or manifest God's presence, the O'Sheas ha\'e changed countless lives through the Retrouvaille ministry. In their years as facilitators, Nick and Virginia have told their story hundreds of times throughout the world. They have established Retrouvaille chapters across the U.S., Ireland, South Africa and, most recently, in American Samoa. They help spread the message of Retrouvaille to anyone whose maniage needs healing. An avid cyclist, Nick has even done several long distance tides - up to 1,400 miles -to publicize the program.

Virginia laughs, ~we joke and say N1ck would never cycle on the road when I was driving up in the van. I might have run him over! But not now... Now, when they're not working in Retrouvaille, they often cycle together, meet for picnic lunches, and rest under shade trees reading, watching wildlife or just talking. M Therc was a time we never thought we'd be in one anothers company -let alone enjoy it," Virginia continues. "God and time have been good to us, but then we worked at our relationship to get here. And its worth it! We thank God daily for Retrouvaille and one another." .D

'SIn Lansing (517) 669-6631, Detroit (313) 237·6052 or Grand Rapids (616) 752-7004

Jul)lrlu,;mr 200~

15

fAITH M~gazinc

"I felt alienated, distant and misunderstood," jane says. Scott nods as she describes a tough stretch in their 18-year marriage. "It was a lot like being roommates, not like a marriage," he says. jane and Scott Cunningham reCJ.Il a time when they operated separately. when a vidous, mundane cycle robbed their marriage of fun, intimacy and passion. As a stay路at-home mother, jane felt isolated. And when Scott \Vll.S home, they simply conducted the evening routine without connecting with one another.

Confiding her dissatisfaction to a friend, jane learned about Marriage Encounter, a worldwide movement of the Catholic Church to suppon sacramental marriage."! had heard about it before in church, when those lovey-dovey couples would get up and talk about how great it was," jane says "It didn't seem like that \vas us." Butjanes friend encouraged the Cunninghams to consider it. "She suggested we deserved to go," jane says.

The result? jane and Scott are now that "lovey-dovey'' couple, assuming the role of "executive couple" for the lansing areas Worldwide Maniage Encounter organization.

The Cunninghams' journey be~n in slx1h grade homeroom in Marshall, Mich. It \Vll.S there that jane and Scott first met, but their paths would cross several times more before their romance unfolded. "\M! met again at Kellogg Community College," jane e;..-plains.

"But it wasn't until we met yet again at Western Michigan University in 1983 that we got together." jane had gone to the schools "drops and adds'' session to change classes. Scott, not having much else to

By Marybctla Hiclts I Photography by Cluistiuc Jones

do, accompanied his roommate to the same session.

This was a pivotal encounter in their relationship ''I 'added' jane," Scott grins. Scott followed that meeting with attempts to reach jane at her donn, but her roommates didn't pass along his messages. On a later chance meeting, jane asked ScOlt for a tide home to Marshall, and at last, the young couple began to date. "He used to send me lots of cards,"jane says. Since they were college students on a budget, their dates consisted of p!ZZa.S and discount movies.

After Scott graduated from WMU and secured a job in umsing, the couple marned in August 1986. Jane continued to work on her degree and actually lived in Kalamazoo for much of their first year of marriage, commuting back to lansing on weekends. later, jane was able to complete her course work at Michigan State, and the couple settled into their life LOgether in lansing. jane and Scott had their first child, Nathan, in 1991. jane stayed f home to care for their son, and they welcomed their daughter, jennifer, three years later, By this time, the pattern of their relationship began to change. "! was home all day with httle kids," jane recalls. "Scou would come home at the end of the day and we would just handle the kids until we fell exhm&ed into bed at nighL" Maniage Encounter e;..-pcrts call this phase of maniage "disillusionment. Scott explains, ''You stan out focused on each other, spending lime together thinking and talking about your marriage. Before long, you don't put that relationship in its proper priority because so many other things stan to come first.

After a while, the marriage suffers.

"We all get into a rut with evening routines, homework with the lods and all our activities. We doni take the lime to really communicate: Scott says. Mamage Encounter weekends are designed to eliminate the diStractions that couples face from day to day and help them put their maniage at the top of their list of pnotities. In this atmosphere, free from work and family respollSibilities, cou路 pies learn to communicate more positively. Accordmg to jane and Scott, this training in communication is the foundauon for a way of life that can change maniages for the beuer.

One technique that Marriage Encounter uses to promote com路 munication is taking ume to write reflections on the toptcs that pre路 senting couples discuss. Couples write their individual responses to the material, and then share their reflections privately with one another. "Throughout the weekend, couples are working toward writing a love letter to one another," says jane. ~Its a process of reevaluating what they will need to change to make their maniage richer and more rewarding.~ The couples focus on all aspects of their relationship, from physical intimacy to prayer and forgiveness. 'We're all making choices n

and decisions that affect our marriages," jane says. "The goal is to help couples make choices that put the marriage first."

One way jane and Scott have changed their relationship since their first Marriage Encounter weekend is to remember that their marriage is a sacrament- a sign of Christs love for the Church and a source of grace. "We are a little Church,~ Scott explains. "Because our marriage is a sacrament, God is with us whenever we are together.~ jane and Scott believe that remembering this helps them treat one another with greater love and respect, and they spend time each weekend talking about their marriage. The changes in their marriage also foster stronger relationships with Nathan, 12, and jennifer, 9, because their closeness extends to their children.

The Cunninghams have spent six weekends as a presenting couple on Marriage Encounter retreats since their first experience in 1999. But they don\ believe their marriage is "up on a pedestal." jane declares, 'We have the same struggles as evetyone else. We don\ ha\·e a perfect marriage- no one does." Yet, by learning how to engpge in constructive dialogue, the Cunninghams handle things differently than they did before. They believe this is the key to their greater satisfaction in marriage. "There are still times ((TW'hen we go through disillusionment, and forgiveness is hard," says jane. ~··But once we get through it, we can move on and grow from it."

As executive couple for the Lansing area, jane and Scott took on a two-year responsibthty to organize Marriage Encounter weekends. ~Marriage Encounter weekends are completely structured and operate on a well-developed outhne," Scott explains. ~That means that whether you attend a Marriage Encounter weekend in lansing or San Francisco, you will hear material that follows the same outline."

Pan of Scotts presentation at Marriage Encounter retreats is a discussion of the effects of the culture on marriage. He believes frivolous game shows, brief celebrity marriages and the social agenda to promote homosex-ual unions erode the sacrament and diminish the awareness that marriage is a lifelong commitment between one man and one woman. •Marriage is takmg a pounding.~ Scott says. "The culture is huning the institution of marriage. This is why 50 percent of marriages end in divorce."

Forjane and Scott, that commttment is a decision they make, not just each day. but several times each day. jane says, "This is a radical hfestyle to focus on each other and to make decisions every day that reflect our commitment to our marriage. Its not always easy. but itS very fulfilling."

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An encounter that could change your life ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• ... Lansing's Worldwide Marriage Encounter organization offers two encounter weekends in 2004: July 23·25 at Bethany House f. Retreat Center, DeWrtt, and Oct. 15-17 at the Sl Joseph Retreat \:~nter, Jackson. There is a nonrefundable registration fee of $30.

The actual cost of the weekend varies, but no couple will be tumed away for financial reasons. For information, call toll free at (877) 743-361 5 or e-mail marrlageencountr@aoLcom. You can also register online at wwme.org.

between the husband and wife did not exist Funhermorc, it does not mean that

FAITH taiiiS to Eilccn]aramillo,]CL, Tribunal judge and Canonical Consultant for tltc Diocese of Lansing. about tltc institution of maniagc and tltc worll of the tribunal in tltc Catholic Ouurlt.

FAITH: What are the distinctions and similarities between a civil marriage and the Catholic Church's understanding of marriage?

Jaramillo: Uke the State, the Catholic Church believes that marriage is a public act. Various ramifications ~ist for the community, the man and woman who marry and any children born. Unlike the State, however, the Church also believes that marriage is a covenant. This groundmg comes from sacred Scripture and theology. Using both as its foundation, canon law then governs the various aspects of marriage. This is beautifully stated in canons 1055 and 1056. They describe marriage as a covenant which involves the spiritual, emotional and physical joining of the spouses. Aided by grace, it is aimed toward the mutual gift of self, rather than self-fulfillment. It brings abom the procreation and the formation of any children born. For such ~istencc and growth, it must be based on. and needs, total human fidelity. There is more to this concept than simply the absence of extramariPIJOtograf'lay by Tom Gcnna.-a

tal SC>.'Ual involvement. Finally, by its very nature, this bond is a permanent commitment which both indi\~duals must see as lasting a lifetime. The Church believes that this covenant begins on the wedding day when the couple exchanges consent.

FAITH: The tribunal decides whether to grant an annulment. What exactly is an annulment, and why isn't it simply the Catholic version of divora, as many claim?

Jaramillo: The word annulment is not a canonical term, because it implies that someone is taking something and wiping it away. Therefore, a more appropriate phrase is declaration of invalidity. If it is granted, it is saying, in hindsight, that on the day of the wedding specific factors were missing. These missing factors arc considered to be essential by the Catholic Church for establishing a covenant. The type of case which is submitted to the tribunal indicates what factors may have been missing at the moment of consent.

If a declaration of invalidity is granted, it does not mean that the relationship

any children born are considered illegitimate. It is not the Catholic version of a divorce, because its main purpose, unlike the State, is determining whether a covenant was entered into at the time of the wedding.

FAITH: You menUoned different types of cases. What are they?

Jaramillo: The most common type of case is the Fomwl case. It determines whether a marriage is invalid based on the ability of the parties to give consent or the genuineness of their consent at the time of the wedding. In this type of a case, the tribunal is looking at all of the various aspects of covenant which I mentioned in order to determine if something essential is missing. It does this by obtaining testimony from various people. It also gathers the various documents and any reports that might be important. Other types of cases are called documentary cases because the proofs are normally obtained from official documents only Examples are Lach of fonn or Prior Bond cases. Lach of For111 pertains to whether certain prescribed formalities were followed. P1ior Bond addresses whether a specific type of impediment was present at the time of the wedding. There arc also Privilc:gc cases. Such cases do not involve declarations of invalidity. They are dissolution cases. Normally, they arc based on the ability to prove the non-baptism of one or both at the time of the wedding, and the fulfillment of other requirements.

FAITH: Do all divorced people need a dedaraUon of invalidity or Is it just divorced Catholics?

Jaramillo: This question necessitates understanding that there are two different types of marriages. One is called a sacramental marriage because it is the union of two Christians. In virtue of their baptisms, these two people invite God to enter into their marriage in a special way. A sacramental marriage is also called a Ouistian marriage. It is an effective sign of Christs

presence within the world. The other type of marriage is called a nonsacramcnta/ marriage. It occurs either between two nonbaptized persons or between a baptized person and a nonbaptized person.

Some people also refer to these marriages as natura/ marriages. Since marriage has been created by God, it is good. It is also a pan of the natural order. Even in these nonsacramental marriages, the Catholic Church believes that God enters into them through grace. His abiding love is present to the spouses, although not like a Christian marriage. Church teaching holds that both Christian marriages and natural marriages are one and indissoluble. They arc permanent Rooted in divine law, this means that no one can dissolve a valid marriage. This is not a recent teaching. lL IS evident in the teachings of St. Augustine, for irlStance, who lived in the 300s. Divine law binds all ChristiarlS, regardless of their denomination, as well as those who are not baptized. If they ( f mvc been married before and now wam to marry in the Catholic Church, they must abide by this lmv. This is the reason why the tribunal hears more than just cases invoh~ng Catholics. ~

an ongoing series to help you ~lrengthen your marr1age

who gels the clieckbook? money

tip

Who pays the bills in a family seems like an almost trivial issue. Yet, going ~ from single - my money - to our combined ~ money can be scary. Furthermore, when it comes to money, it can feel like a loss of control or identity -not so trivial, after all.

Organizing the bills, investments, bank statements, deposits and cutting checks is ted ious and tiresome, but vital to your family's financial well-being. Decide together the breakdown of who is responsible for what bill-paying tasks, based on time and ability. Too many hands in the same cookie jar can cause confusion, but be mindful that neither spouse feels controlled or left out. Above all, both should know the family's system, and how to access information, regardless of who takes the daily responsibility.

Trust each other to follow the budget and financial plan, but give the checkbook a check-up frequently. -John Morris Is

2 dloccs~n

FOCCUS couple

giving a gift of self time

matters:

3st.

to resolving conflicts

t~lncr.

connecting

part

6

Arc there some "busy" chores that don't need to be completed immediately - such as mowing the lawn because it grew . another 1/2 inch overnight and no longer looks perfect, or cleaning the kitchen top-tobottom because the children fixed their own meal? Spending too much time making things "perfect" may detract from making your marriage relationship perfect.

Instead of doing chores, giving extra attention to your spouse is a very special gift - a gift of self.

All "things" can wait, but your special time with your spouse cannot. -Tum and JoAnn Fogle .. , .

arc members of the diocesan Family Ministry Commltlcc.

Time tip: If you find yourself needlessly stretching out the time you spend on tasks, try the "vacation principle." Rather than using all of the time allotted for a project, pretend you can't go on vacation unless you finish your work before a certain time. (tip fmm Time fll<lllli8CIII<nl for Cal/10/lcs by

D~vc Du~nd)

It's not that you have conflicts but how you handle them that matters. Work as a team.

Don't rush to solutions. God gave us two ears and one mouth. Maybe He is telling us to listen twice as much to our spouse as talking.

These three steps are adapted from the book A Lasting Promise, by Scott Stanley, ct. at. step 1: Discuss the Issue thoroughly. Try using the "speaker-listener technique" described in last month's issue of FAITH. (June 2004) It stresses the need for each person to speak what is on one's mind and, while listening, to only paraphrase what is being said. step 2: Pray. Put God first in your marriage, and remember that marriage is God's idea in the first place. "Ask and you shall receive." God blessed the couple at Cana and He wants to bless your marriage, tool step 3: Decide what to do, by following these rules: a Be specific about your goal. Too many issues muddy up the water. b Brainstorm. Keep a record of ideas, and be creative. c Agree through compromise on a plan of action. d Follow up. Solutions often need to be adjusted, and following up helps to build accountability. -Tony s11.rcndi 1s ~ 1\T'IUI' S(IC:Ikcr rur couples In

m;~rriagc prc~r:tlion.

romancing!}le rock: what canlhe Churdl

tell us about ranance? romance

&

intimacy

Ill> Statistics have shown the divorce rate among churched couples is much lower than the general population. These couples have the greatest role model in a fover who ever lived. jesus summed it up when He said, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." (John 15) When we die to the single life, or make sacrifices for the sake of our spouse, we are walking in His footsteps. Uving a faith life that renects the lifegiving unity within the marital act is a holy life indeed.

Romance is wrapping up the gift of self and presenting it to our spouse in its best light. When the receiver accepts this gift along with all our broken parts, real love and intimacy take root.

F~t. Paul says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved ' - 'he Church and handed Himself over for her to sanctify her." (Er.h s 25¡ 26) When either partner in a marriage sacrifices their individual needs out of love for the other, that person "dies" to self and glves new life to the marriage.

As love in the marriage increases, the life-giving presence of Christ also increases. In this way, our romance helps build up the body of Christs Church. - Rick and Diane rclffer are cnnsuhants to the dince¡ san Family Ministry Committee.

..

"What dirty windows we have here!" That was the comment of a group of workers who came to volunteer their time to clean the church and rectory. They were right.

The windows were dirty. It was hard to look through them and clearly see what was outside. Not only that, the light from outside was diminished and unable to illumine the interior of the rooms.

This situation is a good analogy of our souls' relation to God. Our souls were created to be like windows that are open to God. Gods presence fills us as light fills a room. The purity of our souls allows Gods light to shine within us. A soul that is not pure cannot see God because the impurities block God from entering the soul and block the persons vision of God. What does it mean to have impurities inside the soul?

Impurities are a souls attachment to things, tmages, memories and desires that block a person from considering the truth about God and about ones relationship with God. Impurities weaken the will and discourage a person. Impurities are very harmful. A person loses the will to have a clean soul and allow

God to come inside. A person with an impure hean will lose faith and not want to pray or go to church anymore. The impurities are like mud that a person is wallowing in and cannot escape from. People may lose hean and despair. They may throw in the towel and give themselves over to their impurities, and their condition will grow worse.

For example, there was a young person who got on the Internet and, without his parents knowing, got curious and went to some sites that had pornography on them. Before long, the person got other buddies to join in, and the whole group of them began to find others sites. In a shon while, many of them could not stop thmking about these images. The parents of the young man began to suspect something was wrong because they noticed a change in their son. He did not want to go to Mass anymore and did not seem interested in doing things with the family. He kept to himself more and more and they noticed he was up very late at night. The young man was trapped. He had boarded up the windows of his soul to keep his behavior a secret. The light of God was not able to get in.

Of course, God does not stop shining on us. Even a diny window does allow some light to get in! In the case of this young man, he began to realize what he was doing was very wrong. He felt miserable inside. He staned to act out his sexual thoughts through masturbation, which brought him only more

sadness. His experience of Gods light and presence when he was younger did not leave him and he longed for it. God came to his aid and helped move the young man to go to the sacrament of reconciliation. He had to close the windows of his soul to all fonns of pornography and sexual images. He had to wash the windows of his soul with prayer and the sacraments. He had to go through a purgation that eliminated the impunties inside.

It took patience and perseverance through trials and falls. He had to learn to trust God and surrender to God. The more he did so, the easier it became. God was cleaning his wmdows for him. The light and brightness of his personality came back!

We all must go through a purgation of our soul if we want a closer relationship with God. As time goes on, and we respond to the grace of purification, we will find our prayer hfe changing as well. The Doctors of the Church, such as St. john of the Cross and others, describe three classical stages of the spiritual life - the purzative, illuminative, and unitive ways. Because of the limited scope of this anicle, I will not be able to go into much detail about each stage, especially the unitive way and the expe(~ence called the dark night of the soul. Lets just say that as one ~raws closer to union with God, God continues to purify the soul through passive purifications that are experienced by the person as "dark nights." It is as though God has left them. The words of jesus on the cross come to mind, "My God, my God,

why have you forsaken me?" (Ps 22) Our spiritual journey to God begins with an awakening of faith. God becomes real! We then realize in our relationship with God we must make a choice. Either we make a choice for God, or not. We are in the purgative way. That is where the major impurities of our soul are purged. Our focus is moral integrauon, living the commandments, overcoming sin, growing in faith and trust in God. We struggle along they way. We sometimes fall. We get back up. We keep going. There are trials of faith, moral trials and trials of trust. Our prayer life at this time is moslly characterized by petition prayer- "Dear God, help!"

In time, we learn to spend more time with God. We grow more comfortable with prayer. We begin to practice a fonn of prayer that is called meditation. Meditation is when we think about the life of jesus in the Gospels, or some truth of the faith.

Some people are blessed with a good imagination and are able to picture the biblical scene in their minds. The movie "The Passion of the Christ" has some powerful images in it concerning the suffering of jesus that could be a good aid in meditation. Stations of the Cross or holy pictures can help. Nature offers plenty of food for thought, too! God teaches us much through meditation.

Sometimes, after a person has learned to pray this way, they may find their hearts and minds growing quieter and still.

Distractions disappear. Their hean longs for more. Our hean aches and pines for God. They have come to a deeper recollection of spirit, and their prayer is more felt. Prayer is simple and comes more from the hean. Instead of just petition prayers, there are prayers of heanfelt thanks and praise, gratitude and attitudes of love and devotion. At times, a person may find oneself being caught up in a deep and powerful encounter with God. This is the beginning of contemplative meditation, or even simple contemplation that is characteristic of the illuminative way.

Most of the spiritual authors I have ever read make a big distinction at this point in tenns of prayer. Meditation is a prayer fonn we can do with the help of God, but our efforts are very important. Contemplation is a sheer gift of God that requires no elTon on the pan of the person receiving this gift! Contemplative prayer is something that God initiates. Nevcnheless, contemplative prayer can be prepared for by our efforts. It usually does not occur until a person has made good spiritual progress along the way. The vinues of humility, purity; generosity, faith, hope and love are more strongly rooted in the person. The windows of the soul are wide open to God, and God enters in as God chooses.

The person is supernaturally one with God. For we "have died, and our lives are hidden with Christ in God." (Co13 3) The gift of contemplative prayer is united to the gift of union with God Himself. It is something God wants for all of us! No exceptions. How do we keep moving along the journey? We can keep our windows dean and God will take us there!

I

- Fr. Bill Ashoough is JI"SlOr or 51. Josrph !':Irish, I lowell.

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july/August 200-1

23

fAITH Mag;ulnc

I I

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He left tlie Churcli :.4

meet the 3 new Jlriests for the Diocese of ¡ Fr. Bob Roggenbuck â&#x20AC;˘ Tell us a little about your family. My father was both a fanner and real estate agent, and now spends a lot of time in his semi-retirement doing woodworking, while my mother is a photographer.

I have two younger sisters one manied with children and the other in college.

Did you consider the priesthood as a youth?

Yes, at around 12 or 13, but I stifled it later on. When I came back to Catholicism, I knew the attraction was still there. It was like john Paul II describes for himself, "a light dawning in the back of my mind," and seemed nearly irresistible if I intended to be genuinely happy.

You went to seminary at Mundelein, just north of Chicago. How did you like It? I especially enjoyed philosophy and systematic theology. I think seminaries should emphasize philosophy because we need to know why we believe as well as what we believe.

How did being In semi¡ nary change you? I became more aware of my need to depend on the Lord.

It also helped me gain a sense of authentic Catholicism after having been away from the Church.

I also grew from my two weeks in India with Catholic Relief Services, my summer hospital chaplaincy in New York City and an internship at St. john the Evangelist in Davison.

Interviews by Bob Horning

What are you looking forward to as a priest?

Celebrating the sacraments, especially Eucharist and reconciliation. My Jove for the sacrament of reconciliation comes from being keenly aware of my own weaknesses and then appreciating the value of forgiveness. I want to be a good confessor almost more than anything. 1 also enjoy preaching. helping the poor and working with young people.

Despite our problems and challenges, this is an exciting time to be a priest We live in a world that desper~ ately needs the Gospel. The world needs to see us living what the priesthood is what authentic Catholicism is - a radical life for jesus.

Todays seminarians and new priests arc unabashedly Catholic. Abortion, contra~ ception, unjust aggression for national interest, violent solutions to the worlds problems, economic inequity and indifference to the poor are all examples of things the Church stands against in our "culture of death," and it is a privilege for me to help in that work in some small way.

Does anything scare you about being a priest?

If we are not careful, we can lose the center of it all, the Lord Himself, and become overly enamored with our own lives - our schedules and agendas. But God is faithful and comes looking for us, and keeps us on track in the end.

Pltotograplty by Christine ]ones

What are your main assets to the Chun:h? I am passionate about, and for, the Church, and I think 1have a sense of vision. If there is a new or better way of sharing Christ!; love, the Church should be engaged in it. I have never been criticized for being overly conventional, and I think that can be a good thing.

List some of your 'favorites' and why. Book: The Lord of the Rings. I have read it 16 times. ll captures elements both of our faith and of what it means to be authentically human.

Movie: One of my favorite ways to relax is to watch a film. My overall favorite is The Mission, because it demonstrates, at least in pan, the Churchs response to suffeting and our solidarity with the poor and marginalized.

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Where were you born?

In Burlington, Vt., but my parents later settled in Michigan, and 1 graduated • from Wayne Memorial High School. I have four brothers and one sister, all younger than me.

What was your job In the Navy? Security, damage control, and then near the end, I was the chief in charge of the Navy chapel at Naval Air station, Patuxent River, Md. How did you cope with the slx·month tours at sea? I didn't mind them, because pan of that time we were able to spend in pons. I especially liked Mallorca, Spain, which was clean, friendly and inexpensive. The cathedral there has a Star of

David over the altar, which took my breath away in its beauty.

Did being In the Navy Influence your decision to become a priest? Yes. For instance, I was in Beirut in April 1983 when the Marine barracks was blown up by terrorists. I was near the University of Beirut, so I ended up helping at the scene for four or five days. It had a significant impact in underscoring to me how precious life is and in my decision to serve the people of God. In addition, I was a lay Eucharistic minister aboard ship, often functioning as a deacon would. 1 would take the ciborium full of consecrated hosts aboard ship, then lock it in a safe place.

I was the only one with a key. At port stops, I could get more on shore from a local priest.

During my time in the military, I had a growing awareness that God wanted me to be a priest. I had actually thought about it first at age 13, having been influenced by a young, dynamic priest, who served as an Army chaplain.

How was seminary?

Great. Anyone can learn theology; but learning about yourself and being moved by the Spirit to make personal changes is much harder. I had to learn to empty myself of my concerns, listen to others and let them come into me, as St. Teresa of Avila teaches.

My summer as duty chaplain at Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak was a chance to put the classroom into practice, to "jump into the frying pan." I remember baptizing a dying child. That increased my desire to enter the priesthood.

What are you most looking forward to In being a priest? Serving the people and making new friends among other priests.

Instructors at seminary, as well as Bishop Mengeling, urge us to have a priest suppon group.

What would you say about the status of the priesthood? I am encouraged about the way Bishops Povish and Mengeling handled things years ago, so that the sex abuse scandal would· n't be a big problem in our diocese. There has been plen· ty of bad news printed, which is necessary, but the story we need to get out is about the great priests we have.

What do you see as your main gifts as a priest? I have loved Scripture since my youth, and that has been cultivated over the years. I love to talk about it, and have conducted two Bible classes as a seminarian. There is a hunger among Catholics for the Word.

Who Is your favorite saint? St. Thomas a Becket.

He was a sinner and a man of the world, but when it came time to uphold Gods Word, he did it at the expense of his life. july/Auguu 20<H

25

FAITH M3g<~zlne

Fr. Nate Sokol •• Are you originally from the Lansing Diocese? l was born in Anderson, Ind., in 1977, but after high school, my family moved to Flushing.

Mich., because my father was transferred with General Motors.

Why did you dismiss your thoughts about the priesthood as a youth? l was very shy and introverted, and had a learning disability that I thought would prevent me from learning what is necessary to become a priest. I had to learn skills to compensate for my mild dyslexia which l no longer have and poor reading comprehension. 1 worked very hard in elementary school to receive average grades. I still don't read for "fun," since 1 learn better on an auditory level. Books on tape have been a tremendous assistance.

After fourth grade, l focused on math and science, since they involved memorization, not reading comprehension. l planned on either being an engineer like my father, or doing something in biology or environmental science.

What made you recon· slder? Talking to Fr. Jamie Ziminiski, the campus chaplain at Northern Michigan University, as well as vocation director for the Marquette Diocese. He said, ~Nate, you will never know

if you are to be a priest unless you give seminary a try It will make you a bener person no matter what you discern as God's will for you. No one regrets the time he spends in seminary. It is the best place to discern a vocation." l decided to give it a try.

What did you like and dislike about the semi· nary? Major seminary is to be a place of formation for the diocesan priesthood.

However, at times, l had the impression that the formation was more for clois· tered religious life than for parish life.

On the positive side, at seminary you are surrounded by people working for the same goal, and as a result, I felt very supported by my classmates and brother seminarians.

I was most changed by my time working with our Air Force and Navy personnel at our base in Naples, Italy - as a chaplain candi· date and my seminary apostolate - and with Bl. Mother Teresa'S Missionaries of Charity in Rome. At both places, 1 saw people living simply and a life of service and sacrifice. 1 learned that true beauty and perfection lie within each person's soul, and l saw its potential for virtue.

What are you most looking forward to as a priest? Celebrating the sacraments and having the humbling privilege of working with, ministering to, and

being nourished by the souls of those l encounter each day.

Are there any scary things about becoming a priest? I am not really scared, just somewhat unsure as to how I will adjust to the life of a priest.

I hope and pray I am up to the fast-paced lifestyle.

Describe the caliber of men coming out of the seminary. It has been a privilege to study with, and learn from , the example of

my brother seminarians.

They inspire the best in me and give me hope that the Church is very much alive and well. 1 believe we are on the brink of a Catholic awakening in America. The faithful want to know their whole faith. The men coming out of the seminary today have been formed to meet this desire and the need to get back to fundamentals. They hope to recapture the sense of the sacred and holy.

Maybe you have asked, "What is the meaning of life?n "Why do I exist?" "What does God want me to do in life?" If you are a single man, perhaps He is calling you to be a priest. If you have ever sensed that you might be called, please call Fr. Jerry Vincke, director of seminarians, at (51 342·2504 or e-mail jvlncke@dloceseoflanslng.org.

More information on the priesthood can be found at dloceseoflansing.org.

((~gstodo The 2004 Senior Parishioner Appreciation Week is scheduled for Sept 20.24. During this time, approximately 5,000 seniors and homebound people will be given cards with special intentions for which they will be asked to pray daily for the next year. Alrjone who wants a senior to pray for a special intenion should send their request to the Diocese of lansing Office of Aging Ministry or e-mail lrogge@dioceseoflansing.org byJuly 1.

A young adult picnic will be held July 10 at Kensington Metro Park, Milford, North Martindale Beach area us," from 12-5 p.m. A picnic for singles (35-55) will be Aug. 7, from 12-5 p.m., at South Martindale Beach area "T.' Bring a dish to pass. To register for either picnic, call (517) 342-2494.

The Second Annual Gaines Community Rodeo will be held July 23 and 24, 6:30.9 p.m., at Gaines Uons Pine Hill Community Park The event is sponsored by the Gaines Knights of Columbus

I July/aug r~adlnga Sunday, July 4

Fourteenth Sunday In Onlinary Time f ~ 66: 10· 14c .

66:1-7,16,20 &16: 14· 18 Luke 10:1-12,17·20 or 10:1-9

~

Friday, August 6

The Transfiguration of the Lord Dan 7:9•10, 13· 14 P8 97: 1· 2,5·6,9 2 Pet 1: 16-1 9 Luke 9:28b-36 Sunday, August 8

Sunday, July 11

F!frecntll Sunday of Onlfnary Time Deul30:10· 14 P8 69; 14, 17,30.31 ' 33·34,36·37 ()( P8 19:8-11 Col1 :15-20 Luke 10:25·37 Sunday, July 18

Slxtccntll Sunday of Onllnary Time Gen 18:1-10a P8 15:2·5 Col1 :24-28 Luke 10 :38·42 Sunday, July 25 Seventccntll Sunday In Onllnary Time Gen 18:20·32 P8 138: 1·3,6·8 Col2:12· 14 Luke 1 1: 1· 13 Sunday, August1

ffgl•tccntiJ Sunday In Onllnary Time eel 1:2;2:2 1·23 90:3-6,12-14,17 0 ol 3:2-5,9· 11 Luke 12:13-21

Nineteenth Sunday In Ordinary Time Wis 18:6-9 P8 33:1,12,18-22 Heb 11 ; 1-2,8-19 or 11 : 1-2,8·1 2 Luke 12:32-48 or 12:35-40 Sunday, August 15

The Assumption of tl•c Virgin Mary Vigil 1 Chr 15:3-4, 15·16;16:1 -2 P8 132:6-7,9-10,13-14 1 Cor 15:54b·57 Luke 11 :27-28

Outing file Day Rev 11 :19a; 12:1-6a,1 Oab P8 45: 10bc, 11-12ab, 16 1 Cor 15:20-27 Luke 1:39-56 Sunday, August 22

Twenty·First Sunday In Dnlinary Time Jsa 66:18·2 1 P8 117: 1-2 Heb 12:5·7,11-13 Luke 13:22-30 Sunday, August 29

Twcnty· Sccond Sur1day In Ordinary Time Sir 3 :17-18,20,28-29 P8 68:4·7,10·11 Heb 12:18-19,22· 24& Luke 14:1,7-14

# 121 86. Admission is $8 per adult and $5 per child 512. Bring a blanket or lawn chair. For more information, call (989) 271 -8800.

Ulholic Adult FOI'ITUICa & EdOOllial

A weekend of healing for women who have experienced sexual abuse will be held at Bethany House, DeWrtt, from July 3Q-Aug. 1. The cost is $150 and includes lodging, meals and all material.

Application must be received

by Friday, July 16. For more information, please call toll-free (866) 669-8321 .

Vocations Family Night at Oldsmobie Park, lansing, will be Friday, Aug. 13. Join Bishop Mengeling, priests, seminarians and religious orders of the Diocese of lansing for an evening Lugnuts baseball game. If you have not had the opportunity to obtain tickets from your parish K of C oounci, call the Lugnuts group sales office, (517) 485-4500, ext 246, and request seating with the Diocese of Lansing group.

Music In the Park will be Friday, Aug. 13, at Daniel Droste Park, Westphalia, from 6-11 p.m. Bring your blanket and lawn chairs for a picnic and musical perfonnances by Brian Aynn, FLY and 10 -year-old Sydney Rostar. lickets for the event, sponsored by St. Mary Parish, may be purchased through the parish office.

Call (989) 587-4201 .

Gospel of Life, Mission of Hope will be hosted at Holy Spirit Catholic Church, Hamburg, Aug. 13-15. This weekend mission will be presented by Fr. Mitch Pacwa.

For registration infonnation, call (81 0) 231 -9199.

July/Aug Cafe Events .. SurnnB Scriplure Days ....;u be held Aug. 3-5 at

St. Fnlncis Retreat Center, DeWitt, and Aug. 24-26 a WebPr Center, Adrian. The !Jiltsenter 'Mll be Jean Schaub, pas!oral eootdi IBIDr of St. ~ on the lake Pin!h, Manitou Beach.

The oost is $130. Sctmslipe are available. To register by~ 14, cal (517) 342-2458. ,....,. "Ughts, Camera, Falthr will be presented on Wednesdays, June 30, July 7, 14 & 28, and Aug. 4 & 11 I in the St. Francis of Ass&si Parish Activities Center, Ann Arbor.

Movie screenings wiH begin at 1 p.m. and 7 p.m., followed by faith-based discussions. Bring a comfortable chair. Pcpcom and cold beverages wiN be provided. CaN (734) 821 · 21 25 for more information.

Protecting God's Otildren awareness sessions wil be held this summer and fall at various locations. The duration of each session is three hours.

On Aug. 10, at 1 p.m., a session will be held in Madonna Hall at the Diocesan Center, Lansing. On Aug. 19, at 6:30 p.m., there will be a session in each region of the diocese - at Sl John the Evangefist, Fenton; Queens School, Jackson; lansing Catholic Central High School; Sacred Heart, Jackson; Sl Patrick, Brighton; and St Francis of Assisi, Ann Arbor.

For more information or for a complete schedule, call (51 7) 342-2551 . july/,\ ugust 200~

27

Ft\IHI Mag:lZinc

FAITH: Noah and Allie are man'ied nearty 49 years when we meet them In Wfbe Notebook!' And Noah is committed to her through the end, despite her sickness. Is this a statement about the Importance of marital fidelity?

Sparks: Absolutely. Its not only a Statement about marital fidelity, but

the beauty that marriage offers people if they go into it with the atti¡ tude you should.... If you love someone deeply, you don't do the big things that are wrong in marriage. You're not unfaithful, and you're not abusive. You don't get addicted to drugs. You don't go out to hun your family. You do try to provide the best you can for your family. So, all of that is encompassed in love, because love is more than three simple words mumbled before bedtime. Love is defined in the things we actually do for one another.

FAITH: "The Notebook" seems to talk a Jot about love as a feeling or an Instinct, yet the characters still must make decisions to stay with one another. Many people today view love as merely a feeling and means of seiMutflllment, rather than something that requires saaiftce.

Sparks: Yeah, hence the problem with a lot of marriages today.

FAITH: How important to you is your Catholic faith?

SPilrks: My faith is the single most important thing in my life, fol-

lowed by family, and somewhat later down the list, my career. My faith m God has helped me make it through the challenging moments of my life, and 1beheve its helped me to become the person 1am today FAITH: How has your faith affected the way you approach your man'iage and family?

Sparks: It affects it in every way. With the way l treat my wife, 1 always try to be honest; I try to have integrity; l try to be patient; l try to be kind. And to get that way, my wife and l will pray together. We

read the Bible together. We, of course, go to Sunday Mass together.

And the same thing with my children. We stress the importance of knowing that we're all children of the Lord, and that you have to love the Lord.

FAITH: How does It affect your work?

Sparks: Well, my faith really defines itself in the characters l tend to put in my novels. l write characters that tend to be open in their Christianity and their love of God. At the same nme, 1 don't write about perfect Christians, because I haven't met any

yet. My characters have faults, just like anyone else. With that said, I never write about certain topics, just because I just can't do them. For instance, I can't write a story about adultery, because 1 don't believe in it

Marriage and family is a very fulfilling aspect of peoples lives, but as with everything !hats good for you, it entails sacrifice. You can't be really healthy if you don't exercise and eat well. You can't be really strong unless you lift weights. You can't be a really good parent unless you devote the time necessary to teaching your children about morals and values and honesty and loyalty. What I think is wrong with a lot of marriages is that so many people go into it with a me-centered attitude as opposed to a partner-centered attitude. And if you have two partners who go into it with the latter perspective, you'll probably have a successful marriage.

FAITH: Do you have a devotion to a particular saint?

Sparks: St. jude. (Laughs) Look, I'm the king of hopeless causes. For

instance, I'm a big Notre Dame football fan . ... My wife would probably say St. Anthony, because she loses things, or St. Christopher because I travel a lot.

FAITH: At the beginning of '"The Notebook." Noah talks about mirades and how there are some things In this wortd that can't be explained by science.

Sparks: I think miracles are everywhere, if only you look hard

enough to see them. ..-~ A movie version of Nicholas Sparks' first successful novel, wThe Notebook," will be in theaters June 25. "The Notebook" is rated PG-13: parents strongly cautioned.

6

ew St. Vincent Home for Children is dedicated ~~ Recent wet weather did

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f: \J~nothing to dampen the festive . 1 I D • · ·I • spirit as the new St Vincent Home for Children was dedicated and blessed by Bishop \ ' ) ~II.: Cart F. Mengeling on May 25.

"The Church has always . ._ . '].~: insisted on the sacredness of every human person," Bishop Mengeling said, pointing out that while our minds and hands accomplish important things, they are nothing without hearts behind our actions. "Everything about St Vincent Home is about the 'heart,' which makes all the difference in the world," he said, adding that the 52-year work of St Vincent Home for Children serves to remind us of "our innennost dignity as people of love~ Those attending the dedication were among the first to know of the name change from Catholic Social Services/St Vincent Home to St Vincent Catholic Charities. The new, 24,000 square foot facility is designed to serve and heal more than 250 each year as well as to provide increased private space for safe, compassionate care of non-delinquen~ abused children.

David Donovan, board chainnan for St Vincent Catholic Charities, aid, "The dedication and blessing is more than opening a new build· ing - Ws the opening of a new era with this agency.' He added, "The new building is a product of creative thinking and the time, talent and treasure of many individuals and groups~ The work was supported by four pillars - govemm~ business, a community of caring individuals and communities of faith - which were each represented at the event The new building features increased ligh~ a dedicated chapel and chaplain, increased space to help in healing and provide needed classrooms for on-site instruction as well as enlarged medical facilities. Called the Bishop Cart F. Mengeling Campus, the new St Vincent Home for Ch~dren is just behind the original facility at 2800 Willow St- Anne x•b:Jidt (l1•• Catholic nmrs)

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Legislature overwhelmingly approves "People's Override" campaign ~ Michigan lawmakers voted June 9 to approve petition signatures overriding Governor Granholm's veto of the Legal Birth Definition Act The vote was in response to the record-setting "People's Override" petition drive, which was launched Jan. 15 and coUected more than 460,000 signatures from Michigan citizens.

The measure would define birth as the moment when any part of the child emerges from the birth canal - thus bestowing all rights afforded to a human being at that moment. This would in .ffect ban the heinous partial-birth abortion procedure in Michigan, ..hile at the same time providing an important exception Kto avert an imminent threat to the physical health of the mother.' Having passed the Senate 23-12, and the House of Representatives 74· 28, the legislation is due to take effect in March 2005 .

Bishop Kevin Britt of Grand Rapids dies at 59 •••••••••••••••••• ~..,

More than 1,000 people filled the Cathedral of Sl Andrew in Grand Rapids for the May 21 funeral Mass for Bishop Kevin M. B~ whose May 15 death at age 59 ended his 15month episcopal ministry in the Diocese of Grand Rapids. About 200 more watched the funeral on closed circuit TV at Catholic Central High School next door.

Cardinal Adam J. Maida of Detroit, who was principal celebran~ said in concluding remarks, KWe have all lost a good shepherd, a good friend, a faithful priest, and an excellent Christian~ Born in Detroit Nov. 19, 1944, Kevin Michael Britt became a priest of the Detroit Archdiocese in 1970. A bishop since 1994, he succeeded Bishop Robert J. Rose last Oct. 13 as 1Oth bishop of the Grand Rapids Diocese.

The last several days before his death he reportedly canceled his appointments because he was not feeling well. He apparently died in his sleep sometime between Friday evening, May 14, and Sunday morning, May 16. The cause of death was not immediately determined. - eNs

identity and partnership with ( Christ is important.

Bishop Carl F. Mengeling met with Pope John Paullll this past May. Every five years, each bish· op in the world submits a report on his diocese to the Vatican, makes a pilgrimage to venerate the tombs of the Apostles Peter and Paul and meets with the pope. Tlls meeting is called the "Ad Limina"- Latin for "to the thresholds~ FAITH sat down with Bishop Mengeling after his "Ad Limina" to discuss his visit and the future of the diocese.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• FAITH: What did the pope have to say to you and the other bishops?

Mengeling: When (the bish· ops of Region 6: Michigan and Ohio) had an audience with him as a group, the theme of that discourse was for us to have a real deep "communio" with the people of the diocese. (The bishop) is not only to be their father but their friend. A major concern was to give every opportunity in our ministries to promote spiritual growth and happi· ness. The pope goes over all the major aspects of the life of the Church. I had sessions with the various departments or congregations. The meet· ings lasted from 2 to 5 hours.

FAITH: Is there affirmation about the reforms the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops put in place to address the clergy abuse problem?

Mengeling: Yes. Except they

are waiting for developments that will come out of the (next U.S.) bishops' meeting. For example, they are looking for ways in which (the reforms) can become more reflective of the needs of the Church in the U.S. in solidarity with the Church throughout the world.

FAITH: What else did the Holy Father have to say?

Mengeling: The Holy Father talks about evangelizing our Catholics. That hit me very strongly, because when you look at St Peter and you look at St Paul, there is a complementarity. You can't have one without the other. Paul represents evangelization which is nothing without Peter the Rock - the Church. The two go hand-in-hand. They are what the Church is and does.

I think that is the big chal· lenge today and it isn't just in terms of programs or differ·

ent types of movements those are subsidiary. A! the heart of all of this is the mind· set of Catholics.

FAITH: What do you think is pulling people away?

Mengeling: That depends.

There's an excitement that draws people into a solidarity with each other about mis· sion. When you don't have a mission, what holds you together? I see that in parish· es that are all excited about development, growth and expansion in terms of build· ing. They commit themselves and make great sacrifices.

The parish is alive and dynamic for those buildings.

The buildings are there to serve a mission. As soon as the buildings are all up, is the mission watered down? Or, do we think we're done?

Then, the whole thing goes into a downward spiral. That is why the whole notion of

FAITH: Is that sense of mission what you had In mind with the restructuring of the diocese?

Mengeling: It fits in with the Diocesan Pastoral Plan - we are blessed because of VOICES. Out of those ses· sions came all of this. There is a hunger not just for spirituality in terms of oneself but with the "communio" of the Church. There is a great hunger to know about our faith and a great desire for mission in the Church. The diocesan employees and parish staff are all to be on fire with the mission of Christ ... and the people they are serving are going to be on fire because it is contagious.

In the secular world, busi· nesses are flourishing because the leadership is on fire. People from that company are on fire. Once that fire goes out that business is doomed. That is even worse with the Church. That is why we are trying to decentralize many of the services to where people are - not just here in Lansing. To reach out to where people are, where their needs are and the opportunities are for the mis· sion of Christ - that is what we are here for: FAITH: A year from October, you tum 75. All bishops are to submit their resignation at 75?

Mengeling: Yes, next year.

FAITH: What do you hope people will say about you?

Mengeling: That I strove to bring them to Christ and to each other - that I followed my episcopal motto, "He must increase, I must decrease~

pe meets Bush, expresses concem about continuing unrest in Iraq ..,.,. In their first meeting since the Iraq war, Pope John Paul II told U.S. President George W. Bush he was deeply concerned about the "grave unrest" in Iraq and called for a speedy restoration of the country's sovereignty.

During a 50minute encounter June 4, the pope firmly reminded the president of the Vatican's opposition to the invasion of Iraq last year.

What Iraq needs today, he said, is for the situation to be normalized as quickly as possible, under a framework of greater international cooperation.

The pope described international terrorism as a "source of constant concem~ But in an apparent reference to the abuse of Iraqi prisoners by U.S. soldiers, he said recent "deplorable events" have undermined the values that are essential to efeating terrorism.

In a brief talk to the pope, Bush presented the pontiff with the Presidential Medal of Freedom and called him a "hero of our time" for his defense of human freedom and dignity.

It was the third meeting between the two leaders, and it coincided with celebrations of the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Europe during World War II. At the end of his talk, the pope assured the president of his prayers and invoked upon him "God's blessings of wisdom, strength and peace~ "May God bestow peace and freedom upon all mankind," he said. - john Tlul''is & C~rol Gl~l: (CNSJ

Pope pays tribute to Ronald Reagan, cites role in fall of communism

jll.,. Pope John Paul II paid tribute to the late President Ronald Reagan, noting his "unwavering commitment" to the cause of freedom and his important role in the fall of European communism.

Reagan met with the pope four times as president twice at the Vatican and twice ¡fl the United States. It was nder Reagan that the United States finally established full diplomatic relations with the Vatican in 1984.

- juhn Thavls (CNS)

• tc@b~·-·300 W Ottawa Lansing, Ml 4B933

Online:

www.Diocesaofla nslng.ors www.FAITHmag.com The Oulntach Mua, Sunday, 10 a.m.

On TV:

Flint - FOX 88 Lanalng - FOX 47

On Radio: Maaa,11 a.m. on WUM 1240 AM