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May 2004
www.FAITHmag.com www.FAITHteen.com
The Magazine of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing
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a beautiful dance obeying our parents as kids honoring them as adults f r o m
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C. Jones
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elebrating the sacrament of reconciliation with youngsters is an interesting experience. Usually, there are three areas of life in which children are aware of sinfulness – their actions at school, how they treat their brothers and sisters at home and how they show their love for their parents. Usually, the latter is expressed like this: “I don’t obey my mom or dad.” With a little bit of discussion, children are usually able to realize that obeying mom and dad is an extension of showing love for them. It’s not the same as giving dad a hug or mom a kiss on the cheek, but in the context of family life, bending one’s will to obey a well-intentioned parent is just as vital. Another important realization that seems to sneak up on many of us is that our parents are always our parents – no matter if we are six or 60. The special bond of love and obedience that is formed when we are young continues to be lived out even when we children begin to think of our parents more in terms of a peer to peer relationship. Many moms and dads in their seventies and eighties still worry as much and pray as fervently for their children as they did when their biggest fears were a son’s skinned knee or a daughter’s missed homework assignment. The Fourth Commandment’s beautiful dance of honoring our fathers and mothers continues throughout our lifetimes, beginning when we are young and continuing into adulthood. As their children, we seek to love and obey our parents when we are young; we seek to honor, protect and care for them when they are old. In little more than 200 years, adult life expectancy in our nation has gone from 35 years to 90 and beyond. More and more older adults are faced with the everyday reality of caring for an aging parent. Since 1980, Eleanor Vallie and her husband, Dewain, have been the primary caregivers for Eleanor’s 94-year-old mother, Leona. The Vallies lovingly tend to Leona’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs. For her part, Leona is still an active part of the Vallie household. Their love for one another is grounded in the realization that they continue to be the domestic Church – a little community of love, rooted in deep faith in God. Sometimes we are called to care not only for our biological parents, but also for those who have been like a mother or father to us throughout the years. Our late, beloved Bishop Kenneth Povish was a spiritual father to many, particularly to the many priests he ordained. As he made his way into retirement, and as his health difficulties began to mount, a number of priests – his spiritual “sons” – took a loving role in caring for him, none more so than Fr. Frank Williams. Faced with his own physical challenges, Fr. Frank watched out for Bishop Povish until the bishop’s death last September. How we live our lives can be a testament in honor of our parents. How we die our death can be an equally powerful witness to our love and devotion, our willingness to protect them and keep them safe from harm. In October 2003, D.J. Wheeler of Concord, a 22-year-old soldier and the son of Mary Cay and Don Wheeler, sacrificed his life in the sands of Iraq. A young man of deep faith, D.J. brought many others to faith just as he brought honor to his father and mother who gave him the gift of faith. Showing our love and honor for our parents indeed goes beyond giving them hugs and kisses. And so our journey in FAITH continues. – Fr. Dwight Ezop is editor of FAITH Magazine and pas-
The Fourth Commandment’s beautiful dance of honoring our fathers and mothers continues throughout our lifetimes, beginning when we are young and continuing into adulthood.
tor of the Catholic Community of St. Jude.
Liturgical Calendar: St. Joseph the Worker May 1 | Sts. Philip and James, Apostles May 3 | Bl. Damien Joseph de Veuster of Moloka’i, Priest May 10 | Sts. Nereus and Achilleus, Mart
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Cover Story
Dewain and Eleanor Vallie made the decision almost 25 years ago to take care of Eleanor’s 94-year-old mother, Leona Jobin. It hasn’t been easy on them or their marriage. But, they wouldn’t have it any other way. f e a t u r e s
6 Dear Fr. Joe: I feel guilty about putting my mother in a nursing home. Am I failing to honor her
Fr. Frank William’s ‘retirement’
In the know with Fr. Joe:
Lazy days and busy days – they’re all part of the “retirement” life of Diocese of Lansing priests. “We don’t use the term ‘retirement,’” Fr. Frank says. “They call us senior priests, but we don’t even fade away!”
by doing this? How do I make this decision? – Fr. Joseph Krupp
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Theology 101 This nine-part series on the Second Vatican Council continues with Part I of Lumen Gentium. Why is Mary called the Model of the Church?. – Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist
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10 “Honor your father and your mother” makes us think of youngsters. This commandment is for all chilFrom the Bishop:
dren, especially grown-up children. It is grown-ups who can make or break the family.
Killed in Iraq: How DJ’s family coped
– Bishop Carl F. Mengeling
A mother’s worst nightmare is to see an Army car pull up and two uniformed servicemen get out. The news couldn’t have been worse for this Michigan family. How did they cope?
Work Life:
The Journey:
– Dr. Cathleen McGreal
Spiritual Fitness:
– Fr. Bill Ashbaugh
m a t t e r s
connecting: danger signs of poor communication: part 2 money: the dreaded family budget romance: an older couple shares some advice time tip: organize and share duties
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Mother’s Day devotion
warm her heart with a handmade gift – how to make a memory bracelet
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19 We are both student and mentor. 21 Do I have to honor my mother-in-law? 22 Praying for people – why do we do it? 31 Fr. Charles Irvin remembers his mother and father. How does he honor them now that they are gone? – Tim Ryan
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Last Word:
– Fr. Charles Irvin
m o v i e s
FAITH talks to Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan: Can a
movie about divorce be pro-marriage? FAITH’s Alton Pelowski finds out.
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eus, Martyrs May 12 | St. Pancras, Martyr May 12 | Our Lady of Fatima May 13 | St. Matthias, Apostle May 14 | St. Isidore the Farmer May 15 | St. John I, Pope and Martyr May 18
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The Magazine of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing
Most Reverend Carl F. Mengeling PUBLISHER
Rev. Charles Irvin FOUNDING EDITOR
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your thoughts on: ‘The Da Vinci Code’, teen conversions and Lent l e t t e r s @ f a i t h m a g . c o m
May 2004 • Volume 5 : Issue 5
FAITH Magazine 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933
Rev. Dwight Ezop
Alton Pelowski ASSISTANT EDITOR/WEBMASTER
Jillane Job SUBSCRIPTIONS/SECRETARY
Evelyn Weitzel SUBSCRIPTIONS
Patrick Dally GRAPHIC/WEB DESIGNER
Rev. William Ashbaugh Jodi Burdett Sr. John Mary Corbett, O.P Bob Horning Elizabeth Johnson Rev. Joseph Krupp Patricia Majher Sr. Maria Gemma Martek, O.P. Cathleen McGreal Sr. Elizabeth Ann O’Reilly, O.P. Cate Preston Tim Ryan Jan Rynearson Nancy Schertzing Sr. Maria Faustina Showalter, O.P. Elizabeth Martin Solsburg CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
The Da Vinci Code This was a great article. (In the know ... , Page 6, March 2004) I especially liked the esoteric history link at Alpheus.org. I was baffled that people considered fiction fact. Thank you for the quote from the Gospel of Thomas. I had lost it and not seen it since vol. 1 of John Meier’s The Marginal Jew. I needed to be reminded that Gnosticism is alive and well.
Teen Conversion Kudos As a convert who felt the draw of the Church at approximately the same age, I enjoyed the article about Elizabeth Gottschalk and her family. (FAITH, Jan./Feb. 2004) She is very fortunate that her parents are so open to her joining the Catholic Church, and that she can discuss it with them, both of which I did not have. I had to wait until I left home to pursue my desire. I commend both her maturity and her parents’ open-mindedness!
– Nance Krause
– Janet Roe-Darden
C. Jones
Patrick M. O’Brien MANAGING EDITOR/CREATIVE DIRECTOR
J. Luning
EDITOR IN CHIEF
Leap-year Lent? This is just a trivia question. Since Lent is 40 days long, does that mean that this year Lent (was) 41 days due to leap year and an additional day in February? Thank you, – Rita Eder
Editor’s note: No – leap year doesn’t matter because we count back 44 days from Holy Thursday to Ash Wednesday. 44 days? That’s right. Lent is actually more than 40 days. Are the extra four days due to skipping Sundays? No. Ash Wednesday and the three days after are preparatory. Lent begins in earnest on the First Sunday of Lent.
Margaret Perrone PROOFREADING
Bob Patten CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATOR
Wayne Case Vicki Bedard David Fenech Patricia Garcia Diane Nowak Margaret Perrone James Rhadigan Ricardo Rodriguez David Rosenberg Rev. James Swiat Peter Wagner Sharon Wimple ADVISORY BOARD
Elizabeth Martin Solsburg FAITHhelps
Tim Ryan FAITH Publishing Service
InnerWorkings PRINT MANAGEMENT FAITH (USPS 019993) is a membership publication of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing, 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933. Published monthly except February and August. Subscription rates are $15 per year. Individual issues are $2.50. Send all subscription information and address changes to 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933; (517) 342-2595; fax (517) 342-2537 or e-mail j job@dioceseoflansing.org. Periodicals Postage Paid at Lansing, MI or additional offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: FAITH, 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933. ©Catholic Diocese of Lansing.
AP
CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS
‘Passion’ reaction: poll results from FAITHmag.com CNS/Icon Productions
Tom Gennara Christine Jones James Luning (cover) Philip Shippert
Have you watched “The Passion of the Christ” movie yet? 64%: Yes 10%: No 26%: No, but I plan to soon. Do you think “The Passion of the Christ” movie will cause anti-Semitism? 6%: Yes 88%: No 6%: Unsure Polls taken March, 2004
Tell us what you think FAITHmag.com Online Poll Question: What did you think of the movie “The Passion of the Christ”?
Actor Jim Caviezel, who portrays Jesus in “Passion,” meets with the pope U.S. actor Jim Caviezel, who plays Jesus in “The Passion of the Christ,” had a private audience March 15 with Pope John Paul II. Caviezel, a Catholic, along with his wife and in-laws met the pope before attending a screening of the film for Vatican officials and other Catholic prelates in Rome. – CNS
St. Bernardine of Siena, Priest May 20 | St. Christopher Magallanes and Companions, Priest and Martyrs May 21 | St. Rita of Cascia, Relig
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35% o n l i n e
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of Americans are satisfied with the moral and ethical climate in America. Satisfaction differs by age: • 53%: 18-29 years old • 29%: 65+ years old Gallup 3/04
Blessed Rose: a powerful and controversial force in education in the 1600s
f a i t h m a g . c o m
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one mother’s look: how joys and challenges of parenthood change you
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ecently I met up with an old friend, and we soon found ourselves comparing notes about our busy family lives and empathizing with each other about the challenges of parenthood. Beneath the surface of our conversation, though, was an implicit understanding that parenting is an incredible experience – one we wouldn’t trade for anything. w e b
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M a y
Raising children truly is an awesome responsibility, one that would overwhelm us if we didn’t take it one phase – sometimes just one day – at a time. By far, it’s the most challenging endeavor I’ve ever been involved in, but also the most meaningful. Morally, parenthood keeps me on my toes, regularly reflecting on my values and priorities as I strive to be a role model of what it means to be a good person and a faithful Catholic. I’ve also discovered depths of energy, patience and selflessness I didn’t know I had. At the same time, I’ve learned a lot about my weaknesses and limitations, which has been humbling. Having children has greatly expanded my world and led to a special interest in my community and in social and political issues such as education, family poverty, child protection and environmental sustainability. Then, there are the heart-warming cards and notes, which allow me to see myself though my children’s admiring eyes. I save these in a special box, which I delve into periodically when I need a lift. My nine-year-old daughter is currently the most prolific, penciling messages on scraps of paper that she leaves on my pillow or in my purse. Parenthood doesn’t get any better than this. Lisa M. Petsche is a mother of three and freelance family life writer. Read the rest of her article on FAITHmag.com
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Blessed Rose Venerini Born: Feb. 9, 1656 in Viterbo, Italy Died: May 7, 1728 in Rome Beatified: May 4, 1952 Memorial: May 7 A good daughter: Rose was the daughter of Godfrey Venerini, a physician. As a young woman, Rose was engaged to be married, but her fiancé died and Rose entered a convent instead. A few months later, Rose’s father died, and she left the peace of convent life to return home and care for her widowed mother. A natural teacher: Rose invited the neighborhood women and girls into her home every evening to pray the rosary. When she discovered they were unschooled in the tenets of their faith, she added catechesis to their prayer time. Her spiritual director, Fr. Ignatius Martinelli, convinced her that she was a “natural born teacher,” whose vocation was in the world rather than the cloister. Obedient in all things, Rose gave up her dream of a contemplative life and searched for a location in which to open a school. A foundation of education: In 1685, Rose and two friends opened a free pre-school for girls, which became very popular. As a result, Cardinal Barbarigo, the bishop of Montefiascone, asked her to train the teachers and administer the schools in his diocese. Strength in the face of opposition: At the cardinal’s request, Rose organized many schools in a variety of places, facing opposition that sometimes became violent. Her teachers were shot with bows and arrows and their houses were burned. Rose was steadfast, however, and in 1713 she made a foundation in Rome, which received the praise of Pope Clement XI. In 1728, still in Rome, she died. A holy woman: Although she worked tirelessly in the cause of education, it was not until after her death that Rose’s lay school teachers were organized as a religious foundation. Today, the Venerini Sisters work with Italian immigrants in the United States and elsewhere. Rose’s reputation for holiness was widespread and was confirmed by various miracles. In 1952, she was beatified by Pope Pius XII. A Fourth Commandment saint: Although Rose longed to be a contemplative, she left her life in the convent to come home and care for her ailing mother. Her ready response to the Lord’s commandment opened up a new vocation as an educator and led her on the path to sainthood. – Elizabeth Martin Solsburg
cia, Religious May 22 | The Ascension of the Lord May 23 | St. Bede the Venerable, Priest and Doctor of the Church May 25 | St. Gregory VII, Pope May 25
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Dear Fr. Joe: am I failing to honor my mother by putting her in a nursing home? i n
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Dear Fr. Joe:
k n o w
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F r .
J o e
joeinblack@priest.com
them best. In this day and age when people are living longer, this seems to happen more often. So, in the end, it seems to me that there will be times when our ability to care for someone we love is not This is a tough one, and equal to the care they need. the fact that it is a difficult When that happens, it may decision for you is a good be time to place them in a sign that you want to respect nursing home that will give and honor your mother. I them the love and care they often remember the words of need. However, when that St. Francis DeSales who says happens, our responsibilities that the desire to love God do not end. is, in fact, loving God. In the Truth be told, I have been same way, your desire to to many nursing homes in honor your mother is probamy day. I have seen the best bly your first sign that you possible scenarios and some are doing so. pretty bad ones as well. Often times, though, our What makes the ultimate desire to do well bumps into difference for those who the practicalities of living in brought food to a homeless ows in their affliction and to must live there? It is not “the real world.” So, how do keep oneself unstained from the shelter? When is the last always the way the nursing we know the right thing to do? world.’” (CCC 2208, cf. Jas 1:27) time we delivered As is our custom as Let’s take that apart. First DoubleStuf Oreos® to priests home is run. Instead, the experience is usually positive Catholics, let’s jump right of all, in the Church’s mind, who write for magazines? into the Catechism. This is a it seems that before this (Where did that come from?) or negative based on whether or not the family rather long quote, but well decision is made, a lifestyle Hopefully, this type of comes to visit. Moms, dads, worth reading: must be lived that teaches behavior lays a foundation brothers, sisters, grandchil“The family should live in children in the home that it for our young people to see such a way that its members is our duty to care for those that caring for others is a top dren, nephews and nieces – learn to care and take respon- who are incapable or limited priority for a Catholic family. all of them – should inundate residents with love and sibility for the young, the old, in their ability to care for Once we have done that, affection. Remind them of the sick, the handicapped and themselves. This is an then our extremely difficult the poor. There are many fami- important idea and, hopeful- decision to place a loved one their importance as human beings. Thank them for their lies who are at times incapable ly, a challenge to parents to in a nursing home is an of providing this help. It take time out of their own expression of an attitude that contributions to our lives. devolves then on the other per- busy schedules to teach their we have shown our children Ask about those stories they are so famous for. Play cards, sons, other families, and, in a children through example over and over throughout checkers, everything. Once subsidiary way, society to pro- and practice how to care for their lives: sometimes, our the decision is made to place vide for their needs: ‘Religion others. Readers, when is the support and honor of the that is pure and undefiled last time we took our childignity of the human person a loved one in nursing home care, we must constantly before God and the Father is dren to a soup kitchen? translates into placing them pester those who love them this: to visit orphans and widWhen is the last time we with those who can care for I feel guilty about putting my mother in a nursing home. Am I failing to honor her by doing this? How do I make this decision?
All the monks in a certain monastery sing the simple word “Morning!” from their windows each sunrise. Early one day after several “Morning!” greetings have been sung melodiously into the dawn air, a single greeting of “Evening!” rings out of one window. In the courtyard below, Brother Timothy looks around startled, and says “Did you hear that, Brother Edward?” “Hear what, Brother Timothy?” replied Brother Edward. Brother Timothy sang in reply: “Someone chanted evening ... ” I’m really, really sorry about that one.
St. Mary Magdalene de’Pazzi, Virgin May 25 | St. Philip Neri, Priest May 26 | St. Augustine of Canterbury, Bishop May 27 | Pentecost Sunday May 30
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what year was the first Catholic president born? q u i z
John F. Kennedy, the first Roman Catholic to be elected president of the United States, was born on May 29, WHAT YEAR? The Most Rev. Donald Pelotte, was ordained in Gallup, N.M., as the first Native American to be made a Roman Catholic bishop in the United States on May 6, WHAT YEAR? Pelotte is a descendant of Maine’s Abnaki tribe.
It was the real thing when Atlanta pharmacist John Pemberton invented a beverage called Coca-Cola on May 8, WHAT YEAR? The drink, developed from coca leaves and kola nuts, was initially intended as a medicinal beverage, but is now the best-selling soft drink in the world. Sulpician Father Stephen Theodore Badin was the first Roman Catholic priest ordained in the United States, in Baltimore, Maryland, on May 25, WHAT YEAR? Fr. Badin ministered to Catholics in Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, Illinois and Michigan – including the St. Joseph’s Indian School in Niles, Mich. He also negotiated the land grant for a parcel of property on which to develop a Catholic college in South Bend, Ind., which became the University of Notre Dame.
what do you like about your mom and dad? “Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children, and children have the duty to honor and respect their parents. In both cases, the relationship between parent and child should be motivated by love – demonstrated by tenderness, faithfulness and disinterested service.” (cf. CCC 2223) FAITH asked second graders at Immaculate Heart of Mary/St. Casimir School, “What do you like most about your mom and dad?”
“Their love.” Courtney, 8
Answers: 1917, 1986, 1886, 1793
with requests to visit. Even then, our responsibilities do not end. We must next move outside of our family life and look at the life of our country. Politically, we are called to care for the elderly as well. All of this ties into the “seamless garment” of the “culture of life” that our Holy Father speaks about. We must be politically aware of those who will seek to make life better for those who struggle in society. We must truly be “pro-life” in our voting and support – or non-support! – of political candidates. In my mind, it begins with supporting those who protect and defend life from the moment of conception until natural death –
Gallup 2/04
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CNS/John Fitzgerald Kennedy Library, Boston
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66%
of American parents approve of spanking children and 82% of parents said they had been spanked
which includes everything in between. By the way, a candidate who wants to throw money at a problem is not necessarily acting in the best interests of those who have the problem. Finally, let’s all remember to pray for those who are alone, sick, alienated and in need of help. This is always the first and best course of action. Enjoy another day in God’s presence! Send your Questions to: “In the Know with Fr. Joe” FAITH Magazine 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933 Or: JoeInBlack@priest.com
“They give me good books to read. I like reading.”
“They’re very nice and they take good care of me.”
Patrick, 8
Kelly, 7
Resources: for elderly care l
b o o k s
The Nursing Home Decision: Easing the Transition for Everyone by Lawrence M. Martin And Thou Shalt Honor: A Caregiver’s Companion by Beth Witrogen McLeod Love, Honor and Value: A Family Caregiver Speaks Out About the Choices and Challenges of Caregiving by Suzanne Geffen Mintz
Find daily changing news and features on FAITHmag.com
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www.AARP.org The AARP Web site has a section dedicated to helping make the nursing home decision: Question: How do I know if my parents need help? Answer: Make an assessment – a full review of a person’s mental, physical, environmental and financial condition – to determine his or her ability to remain safely independent. www.DioceseofLansing.org Diocese of Lansing 1 Catholic Social Services 2 Aging Ministry
May 2004
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FAITH Magazine
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there’s something about Mary
Lumen Gentium Part 1: Mary, Mother of the People of God
The day Lumen Gentium was promulgated, Pope Paul VI declared “Mary, Mother of the Church” as an official title for Our Lady. He hoped that the title – which actually had been used to refer to Mary since the 12th century – would promote greater devotion and recourse of the faithful to invoke the Blessed Virgin’s aid as our mother. During the month of May, which is dedicated to Our Lady, we pray in a special way for her protection and guidance of the Church and all her children. The Church is a mystery. It is a reality imbued with the hidden presence of God. It lies hidden within the very nature of the Church to be always open to new and ever greater exploration.” These words, stated by Pope Paul VI in his opening address to the second session of Vatican II, capture the very heart of one of the central documents of the Council: The Dogmatic Constitution on the Church. This pivotal document, also known by its Latin name, Lumen Gentium, aims at leading all the faithful to reflect more fully on the Church’s “nature and universal mission.” (LG 1) For Part I of our consideration of
Lumen Gentium, we will focus on the mystery of the communion of saints, and specifically on the role of Mary. The Catechism explains that there are three states of the Church: the visible members on earth, the souls being purified in purgatory and the souls in heaven enjoying the beatific vision. (CCC 954) It is the constant teaching of the Church that a unity exists among believers in Christ, characterized by a sharing of spiritual goods. This is the basis of seeking the intercession of the saints and taking them as models for living out one’s own faith, for “by their fraternal concern is our weakness greatly helped.” (LG 49)
The Blessed Virgin Mary in Lumen Gentium In writing Lumen Gentium, the Council Fathers of Vatican II understood well that that “Mary’s role in the Church is inseparable from her union with Christ and flows directly from it.” (CCC 964, LG 57) There was considerable debate about whether Mary should be discussed in an entirely separate document, or whether she should be included in the document on the Church. The Holy Spirit guided the Council Fathers to decide to emphasize Mary’s role as a pre-eminent member of the Church. In placing the chapter on Mary in the document, the Council Fathers wished to communicate to the faithful that she is the Model of the Church and “unites and mirrors within herself the central truths of the faith.” (67) Mary, Mother of Christ Among the principal aims of Lumen Gentium was to “describe with diligence both the role of the Blessed Virgin in the mystery of the Incarnate Word and the Mystical Body.” (54) In continuity with Church teaching over the ages, the document reaffirms the integral role, willed by God, of Mary as Mother of Christ. “Embracing God’s salvific will with a full heart and impeded by no sin, she devoted herself totally as a handmaid of the Lord to the person and work of her Son, under Him and with Him, by the grace of almighty God, serving the mystery of redemption.” (56) Mary and the work of redemption Lumen Gentium states that it pleased God not only to place Mary at Christ’s side throughout His life as mother, but also that He willed for Mary to participate in Christ’s work of redemption. This unique share in Christ’s redemptive work climaxed at the foot of the Cross. At Calvary, Mary “faithfully persevered in her union with her Son unto the cross, where she stood, in keeping with the divine plan, grieving exceedingly with her only begotten Son, uniting herself with a maternal heart with His sacrifice, and lov-
The single best way to really grasp the teachings of the Second Vatican Council is to read the documents. Log onto the Vatican’s Web site: www.vatican.va/archive/
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Jesus wills for each of His children to not only esteem, but to have a special relationship to Mary, as spiritual mother. By honoring Mary, the “duties of redeemed mankind toward the Mother of God, who is mother of Christ and mother of men, particularly of the faithful” are fulfilled. (54)
C. Mengeling
ingly consenting to the immolation of this Victim which she herself had brought forth.” (59) By uniting herself with Christ’s sacrifice and offering Christ and her own sufferings in union with those of her Son, Mary participated in the very act of bringing supernatural life to souls. Mary, Mother of the Church “Woman, behold thy son.” (John 19:26) These words, spoken by Christ to Mary are significant for all members of the Church today. Before breathing His last, Jesus entrusted each of His children whom He was dying to redeem, represented by John, to the care of His mother. Mary was and is the mother of Christ in the order of nature, and the mother of all members of the People of God, in the order of grace. (cf. Rev 12:17) “Behold Thy Mother.” (John 19:27) From His words on the cross, it is clear that
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C. Jones
Lumen Gentium (The Dogmatic Constitution of the Church) aims at leading all the faithful to reflect more fully on the Church’s nature and universal mission. For Part I of our consideration of this important Vatican II document, we will focus on the mystery of the communion of saints, and specifically on the role of Mary.
Do Catholics worship Mary?
Bishop Mengeling’s Vatican II photos: At coffee breaks, bishops get to know one another. (left) Not all Council Fathers come from the Latin rite. Bishops from Eastern rites wear distinct clerical garments. (above)
type and model
No. Although Mary is honored as the mother of Jesus, we adore and worship God alone. Latria: adoration or worship – is owed to God because of His divinity and infinite majesty. To the saints and angels, we offer dulia: veneration and reverence – because of their relation to God and their participation in the beatific vision. To acknowledge Mary’s unique and important role in salvation history as the Theotokos: the Mother of God. We offer her the highest form of veneration: hyperdulia. However, the line between our devotion to Mary and the worship of God remains distinct. Jesus loved, honored and obeyed His mother while on earth. As He was dying on the cross, He gave her to us as our own mother. Mary’s motherhood of mankind “in no way obscures or diminishes the unique mediation of Christ, but rather shows its power” (LG 60) Mary never takes the place of her Son, but brings us to Him in the quickest and surest way. All properly ordered devotion to Mary is always Christ-centered.
Lumen Gentium calls Mary the “preeminent member of the Church” and its “type and model” in faith and charity. But what exactly do these words mean? Type: a person or event that, while retaining its own value, also points to something else. Its function is to prepare or prefigure what is to come. There are many “types” in Scripture. Mary is a type of the Church because in her person and in her role in God’s plan she shows us all that the Church is and does. (LG 64) Model: someone or something The truth about Mary that is to be imitated. Some Catholics reject Mary’s assistance, seeing her 1 She is Mother of God – Because Mary gave birth to the secperfection as an unattainable standard. ond person of the Blessed Trinity made flesh, she is truly the Yet, it is precisely because Mary is a “Mother of God.” human creature like us that she is able 2 She is Ever Virgin – Mary remained a virgin, before, during and after the birth of Jesus. to help us so much! Mary always leads 3 She is the Immaculate Conception – Mary was immaculately conceived in the womb us to her Son. She is the model of all of her Mother. She was preserved from the stain of original sin from the very moment of virtues, and by her perfect faith and loving union with Christ she teaches her conception. This does not mean that Mary had no need of redemption, but rather that us how to imitate Him and to seek His she was redeemed in a wholly unique fashion. 4 Mary was assumed into heaven – At the end of her life on earth, Mary was taken up will in all things. into heaven, body and soul, where she continually intercedes with her Son for us.
– Sr. Maria Faustina Showalter, O.P., Sr. John Mary Corbett, O.P., Sr. Maria Gemma Martek, O.P., and Sr. Elizabeth Ann O’Reilly, O.P., are Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist, Ann Arbor.
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the Fourth Commandment: honor your mother and father it isn’t just for the young f r o m
This photo is from 1937 when my family visited relatives in Minnesota. The “cry baby” – front row, left – is me. I already felt that the Fourth Commandment was for “children only.”
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C. Jones
“Honor your father and your mother” makes us think of youngsters. We forget that we are always our parents’ children and our grandparents’ grandchildren. This commandment is for all children, especially grown-up children. It is grown-ups who can make or break the family.
Most of us learn pretty early that much in life is neatly organized into the categories of “adults only” and “children only.” That makes sense, because it’s good to know what’s ideal and proper. Growing up in the 1940s, I knew that “Adults Only” on a theater marquee left me ‘out.’ Even earlier, I learned the hard way that the Fourth Commandment was all about children obeying dad and mom and teachers. The photo is from 1937 when my family visited relatives in Minnesota. The “cry baby” – front row, left – is me. I already felt that the Fourth Commandment was for “children only.”
may recall that Sr. Clarilla taught, “The lower three are about God and the upper seven about our neighbor. If you remove the lower three, the top seven will fall.” This same teacher, in 1941, also taught, “The Fourth Commandment protects the family.” That was a surprise for sixth graders. Until then, we thought it was just about children honoring and obeying their parents. I sure felt that – and more – as you see in the photo, from when we visited our relatives. This commandment sets the direction for the “second tablet” of seven that guides each family and the entire human family. Unlike the “Thou shalt not” of the next six, the Fourth Commandment begins with “Honor!” Surprisingly, in maledominated cultures of 3000 years ago, father and mother are to be equally honored. The command to “honor” is open-ended and extends to all ways that honor parents and family. Forms of honor will be spelled out in Exodus, Deuteronomy and the rest of the Bible. Honor will mean trust, respect, love, support, gratitude, obedience and more. The other six commandments will dictate honor in all areas of life and single out the most grievous forms of dishonor. If the Fourth Commandment were for “children only,” it The family is the place in which parents nurture the young for would be extremely bad news for all ages, and especially for right “honoring” in society. The family prepares the young for a the family. This commandment is a precious gift of immense blessings to people of all ages. Thinking this commandment is good and happy life in the larger human family. The Fourth Commandment is central in the Scriptures. Dishonor has severe not for adults is an easy mistake, because the words “Honor your father and your mother” make us think of youngsters. We consequences. The Torah says, “Whoever strikes or curses mothforget that we are always our parents’ children and our grand- er or father shall be put to death.” (Exod 21) Sirach and Proverbs parents’ grandchildren. This commandment is for all children, are guides to virtues and vices that relate to the family. Ruth and Tobit are inspiring accounts of virtuous families. especially grown-up children. The New Testament elevates the family to new heights in the The inspired Scriptures relate this pivotal commandment to mystery of Christ. The ideal of honor is presented by the Holy the family. Yes, they included ‘youngsters’ but it was directed Family, Jesus’ teachings and His obedience to Mary, Joseph and primarily to grown-up children. This makes good sense, His Father in heaven. This is the foundation for St. Paul’s because it is grown-ups who can make or break the family. In teachings about the family of the Church. our time, John Paul II said, “Civilization passes by way of the Lastly, the Fourth Commandment alone bears a blessing: family.” (Familiaris Consortio 86) That’s true of the family of humanity “ ... that you may have long life in the land the Lord is giving and the family of the Church. you.” “Long life” is a biblical way of saying that life will go betThe Fourth Commandment is the foundation for the final six. They depend on the Fourth, which guarantees true family ter for you. Experience shows that honor brings positive effects, while dishonor brings negative. This commandment not only life. In earlier issues, we discussed how the Ten Commandments can be compared to a building. We’re now at protects the family, but is the way to a happy and holy family. the top seven floors built on the broad base of three floors. You – Most Rev. Carl F. Mengeling is the fourth bishop of Lansing.
Read more of Bishop Mengeling’s writings on FAITHmag.com
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Dewain and Eleanor Vallie made the decision almost 25 years ago to take care Eleanor’s 94-year-old mother, Leona Jobin. It hasn’t been easy on them or their marriage. But, they wouldn’t have it any other way. By Cate Preston | Photography by James Luning
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Dewain and Eleanor, parishioners of St. Ann Parish in Bellevue, are celebrating 50 years of marriage this May. Nearly half of those anniversaries have been celebrated in the company of three – Dewain, Eleanor and Eleanor’s 94-year-old mother, Leona. Although the permanent presence of a third often lessens the romance, Eleanor and Dewain are always obliging, and have made many accommodations since becoming Leona’s primary caregivers in 1980. Walkie-talkies are used when Dewain and Eleanor are outdoors, and Leona has a bell by the side of her bed for emergencies.
“My mother gets breakfast in bed every morning,” explains Eleanor. “She never wakes up right away. My heart always stops for a minute.” Leona likes for Dewain and Eleanor to keep their bedroom door open at night, in case she calls for them. “Our room is across from hers. We never shut our door,” shares Dewain. In order to provide Leona with constant care, the couple even adjusted their Sunday worship schedule. “There was a point when the parishioners at St. Ann’s thought we had separated,” Eleanor shares. “Dewain would go to Mass Saturday night, while I would stay home with Ma. Then, I would go Sunday. One day, a friend pulled me aside, and asked, ‘Is everything all right with you and your husband?’ We both keep journals, Dewain and I, and we consulted them. For five months, we had to go to separate Masses, because Ma was sick and we couldn’t leave her.” Planning ahead is also a necessity, to ensure wheelchair availability. “K-mart has electric carts. The mall has wheelchairs. It’s important to call ahead, especially at airports. Ma has to be in a wheelchair when we go anywhere,” Dewain and Eleanor explain. Leona also receives weekly massages from Sue Ann, a massage therapist. “She has magic hands, and has kept Mother alive.” The year Leona moved in with the Vallies was a miserable one, remembers Eleanor. “We buried Dad in June, and then in July, Mom got sick.” Eleanor, thinking her mother was depressed, held off taking Leona to the doctor. “My mother was very lethargic. I thought it was because of Dad’s death. My sister said ‘No,’ to take her to the doctor.” The doctor’s visit revealed that Leona had two tumors in her lungs, in her upper and lower right lobes. “They were looking for the primary tumor and scheduled surgery. I told the doctors, ‘I just lost my father, and I want to know if I should prepare myself to lose my mother.’ They were 98% sure she had cancer.” Leona’s tumors, however, turned out to be benign, and her health got progressively better over the following months. What began as nursing Leona back to health turned into a permanent
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living situation. For Dewain and Eleanor, it was never a question of Leona living with anyone but them. “It goes back to respecting your parents and doing as you’re told,” Eleanor says with sincerity. She attests that caring for her mother is a matter of duty rather than faith, but adds, “I wouldn’t want to be in this situation without it, though. Faith is my support.” Dewain agrees. “We’ve got to take care of the parents,” he says. “It was our generation. We called adults ‘sir’ and ‘madam.’” Dewain, in fact, was the first to initiate Leona coming to live with them permanently. Eleanor laughingly says, “It’s my only salvation. Dewain is the one (who invited her).” She continues, “My mother is not nursing home material. She can take care of herself. Money is another reason why (she lives with us). Assisted living is out of the question, because it’s so expensive.” In a house filled with icons of the Blessed Mother and images of the Sacred Heart, it’s apparent that their Catholic faith is important to Dewain and Eleanor. Eleanor is especially devoted to the Virgin Mary. “I have always been devoted to my faith. I pray the rosary every day. My mother does, too. We prayed together for several years.” Eleanor’s commitment to her faith is partly due to her schooling. “When I was 10, I went to boarding school at the Pines in Chatham, Ontario. The nuns cemented my faith. I credit them with my morality and my deep faith in Our Lady. In my formative years, I was closer to the nuns than to my mother.” At one point in her life, Eleanor considered entering the convent. “Dewain was the reason I didn’t enter,” she says. Still, Eleanor always felt tied to the convent where she spent so many years. “On our wedding day,” she recalls, “we drove all the way to Chatham to see the nuns. Sixty miles in our tux and wedding dress. We were young. We got married at 10 in the morning, and were back in time for the reception.” Years later, after Dewain retired from National Steel, and Eleanor from a career in education, the couple opened a campground on their Olivet property in 1981.
The campground, they say, kept Leona alive. “She ran the office. It gave my mother something to do, something to live for,” Eleanor explains. Now fully retired, both Eleanor and Dewain spend their days caring for Leona and being active in their parish. Certainly, caring for Leona demands a lot of sacrifice. Despite her faith and Dewain’s constant support, the demands of caregiving sometimes take their toll on Eleanor. She earnestly describes the exhaustion that comes with caregiving. “I’m her servant. If it was up to her, I wouldn’t do anything but sit and talk. But, I have a house to run.” “It feels good – to a point,” Dewain relates. “It’s a sacrifice, a full-time job. It’s a lot of responsibility. We have friends all over the country. We could go anywhere we want, do anything – but we can’t.” It’s the kind of job where the building never closes, and Dewain half-jokingly mentions that office hours are 8 to 5. Even a weekend trip to Chicago is no small matter, explains Dewain. “We don’t miss weddings or dances anymore. We finally got to a point where we just say, ‘Let’s go.’” Part of the difficulty of traveling is that arrangements must be made for Leona’s care. The Vallies opt for family members over professional caregivers. Usually, they take Leona to stay with Eleanor’s sister, Bernadette. Eleanor says bluntly, “The other kids have grown and left home, but I’m still living at home with my mother. I feel as if I’m 15 years old. We hear the same story, in terms of caregiving, from others.” Leona is sometimes affectionately referred to as “the boss.” However, in some situations, her strong will is overruled. For instance, in the early 1980s, when the couple moved to their home in Olivet, Eleanor says there was a discrepancy as to who would get the master bedroom. “When we moved in, Ma said she wanted the bigger room. Dewain said, ‘Absolutely not.’ Ma pretty much gets her way, but at that point, I thought, ‘I’m not going to lose my marriage over my mother.’ When we got married, our priest told us, ‘This is for life, this is forever.’” For Eleanor, being a caregiver isn’t a question of reversed parenting. “She’s the
mother, and she’ll stay the mother.” Ever independent, Leona certainly holds her own in the household. “One time, I was telling her what to do, and I knew she didn’t want to hear it,” Eleanor recalls with a laugh. “She looked at me and she shut off her hearing aid.” Eleanor and Dewain’s generosity extends far beyond caring for Leona. Thirty-five years ago, while Eleanor’s father was still living, Eleanor and Dewain’s home acted as her parents’ permanent address. “They had a mobile home in Florida and a home in Northern Michigan,” Eleanor says. “Our house was their home base, their go-between. When Dad died, Mom sold both places.” In addition, the Vallies have welcomed family members to stay with them during times of financial stress and hardship, and they are loving godparents to a young girl from their parish, who has Down Syndrome. Eleanor and Dewain Both of the Vallies’ children, Dewain and shrug away praise and Mary Jo, have inherited admiration, feeling that this is merely what they their parents’ gift of caring. “Our son takes are called to do. Eleanor care of his grandfather’s says simply, “The peograve on the East side of ple at church say, ‘Your the state,” Dewain sen- place in heaven is set.’ But I say, at the golden ior says of his fathergates the Lord will say, in-law’s burial place. ‘I sent you one itty bitty Mary Jo is an RN in cross to bear and all Arkansas, who has you did was complain!’” worked in nursing homes, caring for the elderly. Dewain and Eleanor joke about their later years, and that Mary Jo has already promised to set them up in a home “next to” hers. Their son has told them, “You don’t have to worry. I’ve seen how you have cared for Grandma and Grandpa.” Eleanor and Dewain shrug away praise and admiration, feeling that this is merely what they are called to do. Eleanor says simply, “The people at church say, ‘Your place in heaven is set.’ But I say, at the golden gates the Lord will say, ‘I sent you one itty bitty cross to bear and all you did was complain!’”
FAITHhelps is the free, monthly learning companion to FAITH Magazine. Find out more on FAITHmag.com
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We don’t say ‘retire’ – catch up with a very active senior priest: Fr. Frank Williams
On Fridays, they celebrated “Holy Hour.” At 4 p.m. sharp, 11 retired priests and the staff of the St. Francis Retreat Center would gather at 401A Madison St. Their host, Bishop Povish, welcomed them to his apartment, fixed them all “refreshments” to drink and chatted informally with them. At 5 p.m. sharp, the guests returned to their homes and “Holy Hour” ended. This tradition held a place of honor on Fr. Frank Williams’ social calendar until shortly before Bishop Povish’s death last fall. But even without it, Fr. Frank’s calendar is impressively full. Monday night dinner bunch, monthly dinners with his Emmaus group, and his beloved University of Michigan Concert Society events keep him happily occupied at 78 years old in his – well, let’s just call it his current status. “We don’t use the term ‘retirement,’” he says, with
a twinkle in his eye. “They call us ‘senior priests,’ but we don’t even fade away!” As if to illustrate his point, the phone rings. He speaks briefly to the young woman with whom he has spoken almost daily since an operation left her homebound a few months earlier. He got to know her through his volunteer work at St. Paul Parish in Owosso. Every Sunday, he drives the 31 miles from his apartment in DeWitt to celebrate a morning Mass at St. Paul’s. After Mass,
By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by Christine Jones
he often visits St. Paul parishioners in area hospitals before returning home. His weekday schedule almost always includes saying Mass at some church or school in the diocese. One morning this week, for example, he will rise at 5:30 a.m. to celebrate an 8 o’clock children’s Mass at St. Joseph Parish in nearby St. Johns. Another evening, he might hear confessions at the Retreat Center or at a penance service in the region. Almost apologetically, this near-octogenarian explains that he only does “one Mass a day now, because it takes so much out of me. But some of the guys out here take whole weekends to help out at area parishes.” Asked if the diocese requires senior priests to help out as a condition of living in their apartments, Fr. Frank immediately smiles. “Oh no, no. Saying Mass isn’t a condition of living here,” he assures. “It’s just that when you know what these men (younger fellow priests) are going through – they’re just working their hearts out – you just can’t say no when they call. You want to do what you can.” He pauses for a moment and then adds, “I think you also like to be in contact with the people. I only go to St. Paul’s once a week, but the people are absolutely wonderful. Absolutely wonderful! “When I think back on my career now, and ask myself why I went into the priesthood, I think the real essence is that (as a priest) I can relate with people at the very center of their being,” he muses. “Maybe through the sacraments, you’re able to bring a connection to the people. I’m not sure why, but in every instance, you’re dealing with people on a deeper level.” Fr. Frank can speak with authority on this subject. “I’m one of those ‘second career’ guys,” he explains. After 14 years as Comptroller at McLaren Hospital in Flint and 10 years as a CPA in private practice before that, Frank Williams entered seminary in 1973. Ordained in 1977, Fr. Frank was one of the first men to graduate from a seminary exclusively for men choosing
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Lazy days and busy days, Monday night dinner out, celebrating Masses and penance services – they’re all part of the “retirement” life of Diocese of Lansing priests. “I couldn’t think of a finer diocese for a man to work for,” confides this senior priest. Obviously, Fr. Frank isn’t planning to fade away any time soon!
priesthood after a previous career. Upon ordination, Fr. Frank was assigned to St. Paul Parish, Owosso. There, he began a lifelong friendship with Bishop Povish, who immediately appointed him to serve on the Diocesan Finance Council. Fr. Frank recently resigned from that council after 23 years of service. Around the same time, the bishop asked Fr. Frank to serve on the Presbyteral Council, also from which he has recently resigned. After gaining a couple years’ experience at St. Paul’s, Fr. Frank became pastor of St. Joseph Parish, Adrian. He served there 15 years, ministering and bringing God’s word into people’s lives. “You think about the babies you baptize, and the ‘little monkeys’ coming up for their first Communion,” he smiles. “The weddings and funerals – I think I have a sense of fulfillment I wouldn’t have gotten if I’d stayed at the hospital.” He reflects back over his years in the parish, saying, “I’ve had some tough assign-
ments, but they’ve all turned out good. I had a great bishop.” In 1994, a serious heart attack forced Fr. Frank into retirement at age 68. He recalls the night after his heart attack when the tests were finally over and he could look forward to getting some desperately needed sleep. He had settled in about 10:30 at night and was on the verge of slumber, when suddenly, the lights came on in his room and the curtain around his bed flew open. He looked up startled to see Bishop Povish standing at his bedside. Surprised and, to be honest, a bit frustrated at the disruption, Fr. Frank looked at him and asked, “What are you doing here?” In retelling the story, Fr. Frank smiles, cocks his head to one side, purses his lips and speaks in a gravelly voice out the side of his mouth to sound amazingly like his old friend. “Frank,” the bishop replied, “I ordained you!” Remembering, Fr. Frank smiles and shakes his head fondly. “When you lay down before your
Coming Home: The Adrian Dominican Life Center They arrived many years earlier at the Mother House – young women embarking on a journey through lives devoted to God. For years, they taught, ministered, nursed, worked for social justice and shaped future generations by their examples. Now they return 50, 60, even 70 years later to close out their lives where their adult journeys began. The Dominican Life Center supports these extraordinary women in a secure, holistic environment where Adrian Dominican Sisters can live out the final days of their life journey. The Dominican Life Center offers a continuum of care from congregate living – independence within a group residential setting – to assisted living, up to round-the-clock nursing care for those who need it. Regardless of the level of support required, every resident of the Dominican Life Center receives care designed to promote her dignity and enable her to function optimally. If an Adrian Dominican Sister has guided you in your life’s journey and you want to help support her in retirement, consider making a donation to support the Dominican Life Center. Contributions can be made to the Adrian Dominican Sisters Office of Development, 1257 East Siena Heights Dr., Adrian, MI 49221.
bishop and pledge obedience, do you ever stop to think he does the same for you?” he marvels. “You don’t have to go through many experiences like this to get to know a guy.” Though his heart hadn’t suffered severe damage, Fr. Frank’s condition wasn’t curable with surgery. His health problems forced him to relinquish his parish and go into retirement. He left Adrian and moved into a comfortable little apartment in Flint. Very soon, however, he became aware the Diocese of Lansing was building retirement housing near the St. Francis Retreat Center. Fr. Frank inquired, and soon became the first resident of the apartments on Madison Street, DeWitt. Within a month or two, he had a new neighbor – Bishop Povish. The two men lived side-by-side for a number of years, keeping an eye on each other and the new members of their senior priest community. Through drug therapy, Fr. Frank’s condition improved enough that his arteries are now mostly clear. For the bishop, medical technology prolonged his life, but not as effectively as it has Fr. Frank’s. In August 2003, the community of senior priests held its last “Holy Hour” with their beloved bishop. Two weeks later, they gathered around his hospital bed with Bishop Mengeling to give him the Last Rites and whisper their goodbyes. Bishop Povish died later that night. “I’ve never had a boss I didn’t like,” Fr. Frank says. “But Bishop Povish was more than a boss.” Though they miss their old neighbor, the senior priests of Fr. Frank’s community continue their service and socializing as they always have. Lazy days and busy days, Monday night dinner out, celebrating Masses and penance services – they’re all part of the “retirement” life of Diocese of Lansing priests. “I couldn’t think of a finer diocese for a man to work for,” confides this senior priest. Obviously, Fr. Frank isn’t planning to fade away any time soon! May 2004
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killed in Iraq: how D.J.’s family found comfort
At home in Concord, 15 miles west of Jackson, D.J. Wheeler liked to shoot baskets with his friends. In Tikrit, Iraq, 90 miles north of Baghdad, D.J. and his Army buddies were getting shot at every day. In Concord, he enjoyed cruising in his truck. But in Iraq, his cruiser was the Bradley Fighting Vehicle. Wheeler planned to return home to Concord after the war, get married and work in the family business. Meanwhile, he had unfinished business in Iraq. He was devoted to the Army mission, often on duty for 20 hours, with only four hours off. He was carrying out his stated desire “to help our country fight against evil.” Then, on Oct. 13, 2003, two Army personnel dressed in uniform drove up to the Wheeler home. D.J.’s mother, Mary Cay, who earlier in the day had heard on the news that a gunner in Tikrit had been killed, knew that she and her husband, Don, had lost their 6’4”, 22-year-old son. D.J.’s fellow soldiers in Iraq had lost a brother. One of them, learning that D.J. was hit, says through his sobs, “How will I continue without my buddy, Wheeler?” And the kids in Tikrit lost a friend – one who handed out candy and one-dollar bills to them – items he frequently requested in his letters home. Donald Laverne Wheeler, Jr. didn’t enlist in the Army with his eyes closed. Before graduating Lumen Christi High School in 1999, he had thought about it off and on. But after Sept. 11, 2001, he knew he had to join. His mother recalls, “He told me that he would miss the birthdays, the graduations, the parties back home, but the sacrifice was worth it to him.” D.J. has eight brothers and three sisters. He was also aware of the physical danger. His sister, Andrea, By Bob Horning | Photography by Christine Jones
relates what he said to friends when asked what he would do if he were injured in Iraq. “I wouldn’t leave,” he said. “I would stay and fight.” D.J.’s father describes his son as “a good kid. He liked to have fun. He liked his music loud. At work, we would get his characteristic wink as he walked by.” He also had a famous smile that, in the Army, earned him the nickname “Sunshine.” “My first reaction to his death was anger, and sadness about all that he would never be able to do,” his dad says. “And it is still tough for me when I handle some of the equipment that he used to handle. I think about him all the time. “I cried and felt sorry, but I didn’t lose control. I wanted to be there, to be strong in faith for the kids. And I was able to see the bigger picture. It’s comforting that he is in a better place,” D.J.’s father continues. “When D.J. enlisted, he expected that the army would make him a better, stronger person. He was right. He grew up a lot in a short time. When he called home, he never complained, despite it being a ‘hell hole’ – 130 degrees, stuck in a tank, being shot at.” Andrea also remembers his maturity, saying, “He was always a fun-loving, goofy kid, but he had morals and was 100 percent behind his family. Normally, he would tell me everything – but he didn’t tell any of us much of what was going on over there, so that we wouldn’t worry. That’s the kind of man he had become.” After finishing basic training at Fort Benning, Ga., D.J. was sent to Fort Hood, Texas, and then to Guantanamo in Cuba to guard Afghani Taliban prisoners. In April 2003, he was deployed to Iraq. As he was leaving, his mother asked him if he had everything. “He didn’t mention his Playstation or anything else,” she remembers. “He just patted his breast pocket, where he kept his rosary and prayer book, and said, ‘I have everything I need.’” He had been trained at Fort Hood as a driver for the Bradley vehicle, which was his first assignment in Iraq. Right away, he hung a crucifix in the Bradley to be next to him while driving. Within six months, D.J. became a gunner, a promotion that usually takes much longer. During his short time overseas, D.J. affected many people. His tank commander wrote to the Wheeler family after their son’s death: “I chose his Bradley to assign my squad and myself to because he was the best at his job, and I knew he would keep us safe. Your son provided a strong source of motivation for everyone around him and had many friends in the Company. ... When Donald was called upon, he answered loud and thunderously with pride, honor and personal courage. Fear and challenges do not intimidate brave men like your son. Donald was dedicated to the
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men he served with and will be remembered not only as a soldier, an infantryman and a friend, but he will also be remembered as a hero.” Lt. Col. Steven Russell, the commander of 1st Battalion (mechanized), in which D.J. served, called D.J.’s family and expressed similar feelings. D.J.’s parents told him, “God will honor the blood he shed in the dirt of Tikrit. He and St. Michael (D.J.’s confirmation name) are with you to help you and watch your back. D.J. may not be answering roll call, but he is there until you are home and the mission accomplished.” The Wheelers have received many phone calls and letters from parents who have sons that served with D.J. “One wife told us that men are turning to God as a result of D.J.’s witness,” they say. “When we thanked her for her politeness, she continued, ‘No. I really mean it. My husband is talking about God a lot more and soldiers are being baptized in the Tigris River. He had a big effect on them.’” When D.J. would write home, one of the things he mentioned was that he prayed for all of his family everyday by saying the rosary. “It’s the only way to stay sane here with all that is going on,” he wrote. “But be strong. It will all work out in the end. Someone is watching over us here. I can feel Him.” D.J.’s death continued to influence people at his funeral at Queen of the Miraculous Medal Church in Jackson. The church was packed. After Mary Cay’s eulogy of her son, she received a standing ovation. One woman, who had been thinking about becoming Catholic, was so moved that she later told Mary Cay that she had decided to convert for sure, “if this is what being Catholic means.” After the Mass, the procession route to the cemetery in Concord was lined with all sorts of people, including high school bands, friends and businessmen. Yellow ribbons hung from many trees along the way. “We received tremendous support from the community and our family,” Don Wheeler says. Though they lost a son, his parents still speak out strongly about the life and freedom he fought to protect. D.J.’s parents say that it is terrible whenever anyone is killed in war. “Now we know what these families go through,” they explain. “Nevertheless, we don’t want the media focus on the deaths in Iraq to keep the U.S. from finishing the fight. Just think, if there would have been a TV crew on D-Day in World War II when we lost thousands of men in one day.” They believe that to leave Iraq now would be a waste. “Our son was there because he believed in the mission – to free people from evil,” they say. “It is evil that kills people, not God. We Americans need to do our part, to sacrifice as D.J. did, in order to bring peace to the world. Love is what changes the world. “He found God in the most evil place. Under the weight of the cross, we find God. God is so good. May other families in our situation find the peace that he found and we have found.”
C. Jones
you are both student and mentor l i f e
tryan@faithmag.com
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arly in my career, I worked closely with an older friend named Pete. At the time, he was in his mid-40s and I was in my mid-20s. My wife, Dawn, and I just had our first child and I remember clearly Pete’s advice to me. He warned me about not spending enough time with my family. He regretted how much time he spent at work while his two grown sons were young, saying, “I can’t pull them up on to my lap anymore and give them a hug.” That thought has remained with me all these years. I took it to heart, and I thank Pete for that. But this also pointed out to me my responsibility as I get older and gain seniority in the workplace. As older Christians – excuse me, “experienced” Christians – we have a responsibility to set a good example for those who are younger, not just in terms of job-related concerns, but in terms of life as well. Each of us at times plays the role of student, and at other times we play the role of teacher. We need to be aware of our responsibility in either case: As students: Be open to the guidance of your seniors. Respect their wisdom and experience. Don’t just wait for guidance. Actively seek out the wisdom of your seniors. Remember that not everyone is a good role model. Trust your heart as to who you should consider as the standard for moral leadership. As teachers or mentors: Be aware of the affect you have on those younger than you. Your actions have more influence than you probably realize on the lives of younger workers. Take your mission as a guide seriously, both personally and professionally. Be proactive in your efforts to help others. Unless you are actively involved in a family business, it may be difficult to see how the Fourth Commandment applies to your work life. Yet, the Catechism states that the commandment to honor one’s father and mother also “extends to the duties of pupils to teachers, employees to employers, subordinates to leaders ... ” At the same time, “this commandment includes and presupposes the duties of parents, instructors, teachers and leaders.” (2199) Therefore, it is in our best interest as pupils in the workplace to respectfully take heed of and consider the guidance of our teachers. Likewise, it is our responsibility as teachers in the workplace to earn the respect of our pupils by being good role models both professionally and personally. – Tim Ryan is an information technology professional in Fowlerville and has earned a master’s degree in pastoral studies from Loyola University New Orleans. He is a member of St. Joseph Parish, Gaines. May 2004
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your marriage matters a new series to help you strengthen your marriage
Online Resource YourMarriageMatters.com The Diocese of Lansing Family Ministry Office provides marriage & family
the dreaded family budget m o n e y
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Budgeting sounds so boring and constraining. Remarkably, though, a sound family budget lets you realize your dreams. Remember, before this crucial working document is drafted, you must unfold your family’s lifetime financial plans and dreams – sharing with each other your philosophies on: spending, saving, stewardship, retirement, debt and credit. A budget can make your family’s plans come true, day by day! The simple formula is: total income – taxes (yuck) – all expenses = discretionary income There are two crucial yet simple rules to the budget: 1 Keep expenses under control and constantly review. 2 Do not spend more than you have in income! The fun part is what to do with that lovely, hard-earned, discretionary income. Just remember from whence these blessings come, and choose wisely! – John Morris is a diocesan FOCCUS couple trainer.
danger signs part 2: avoidance & negative interpretations c o n n e c t i n g
turn chores into time together
Time Tip: Compile a “to-do-tomorrow” list. Begin by writing down everything you need to accomplish tomorrow. Focus on priorities and goals, as you decide what is essential and what must be done first. Then, follow your list, and don’t put off difficult tasks.
Last month, we talked about escalation and invalidation as two patterns of negative communication in marriage. Two others are withdrawal/avoidance and negative interpretations. Withdrawal can be manifested when one person says, “I don’t want to talk about this,” or leaves the room when an uncomfortable subject arises. It can be subtler when a person “zones out” or gets quiet in a conversation. Avoidance is when one does his best to make sure the topic never comes up. Both withdrawal and avoidance show an unwillingness to participate in important discussions. Usually, the other partner is seen as the pursuer or the “nag.” • In your relationship, discuss who takes on these roles. • Why does this happen, and how does it make you feel? • Agree to be honest and work on changing this behavior. Negative interpretations refers to one spouse interpreting behaviors or motives of the other more negatively than is deserved. The one who is being overly critical will often begin by saying, “You never ... ” or “You always ... ” • Ask yourself, “Am I being overly judgmental?” • Are you a perfectionist? • Like Jesus, look for the good in your spouse.
(tip from Time Management for Catholics by Dave Durand)
– Tony Sperendi is a group speaker for couples in marriage preparation.
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Organize and share duties. Does your life seem to be taken up with an overabundance of household chores, yard maintenance, shuttling children from one activity to another, etc.? One of the best ways to spend more time with your spouse is to organize and share duties. To be successful though, both spouses need to forget about gender-typing the work. It is important to remember the sooner the duties are done, the sooner you get to spend time together sharing ideas, thoughts, hopes and feelings. – Tom and JoAnn Fogle are members of the diocesan Family Ministry Committee.
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marriage resources:
Ministry with Families: a training program for parishes will be held May 25-26. Call (517) 342-2471 for more information. Retrouvaille: a lifeline married couples. A weekend to help couples heal and renew their relationship will be held June 11-13. For information, or to register, go to retrouvaille.org or call (517) 669-6631.
do I really have to honor my mother-in-law?
family resources. Call (517) 342-2471 or (517) 342-2458 for more
romance in action: an older couple shares some advice r o m a n c e
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After raising five children, retired couple Richard and Joyce recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. They live their marriage in an almost constant state of gratitude and claim their faith has played a major part in the success of their marriage. Their advice to other married couples is to not get too worked up over the small things. “Don’t make a federal case out of everything,” says Joyce. They also agree the one thing that has always helped their romance a great deal is keeping a sense of humor. Most people who know them will tell you there is a subtle, youthful quality and playfulness that remains a part of this older couple. It’s no coincidence that in many relationships where both spouses have a good sense of humor, they also have a great marriage. There is a lot to be said for not taking ourselves too seriously all the time. In fact, on a physiological level, studies have shown that laughter not only reduces stress, but its effect on one’s brain is similar to that of physical intimacy. – Rick and Diane Peiffer are consultants to the diocesan Family Ministry Committee.
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prayer of thanksgiving for the safe return of a family member Him: Thanks be to God, who blesses us each day; Her: Thanks be to God, for our loved one’s safe return from school, work and play; Him: Be present, O God, as we recount our time away. Her: Hug us in our hugging each other; Him: Listen to us in our listening to each other; Her: Be our peace as we make peace with each other. Together: Praise to the Holy Trinity, eternal family! Jesus, Mary and Joseph, be our model of holiness. Lord, be among our family today and always. – Pat Nischan, consultant to the diocesan Family Ministry Committee
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his question might arise if your spouse’s parents have different ideas about raising kids than you do. For instance, your mother-in-law might insist that the best way to get babies to sleep is to put them on their tummies and rub their backs for a few minutes – even though the doctor said to put your baby to bed on his back. Something like this might make you feel nervous when she babysits and cause you to be at odds with your spouse. The challenge of the Fourth Commandment confronts each generation. On Oct. 14, 1604, Francis de Sales wrote a letter of spiritual direction to Jane de Chantal, a widow with young children, to help her discern how to divide her time between her father and her father-in-law. Francis wrote that these two family members were first among the neighbors that the “Lord obliges you to love.” Since each grandfather wanted Jane to travel with her children to his estate, in honoring one request, Jane would automatically be denying the request of the other grandfather! Francis and Jane, individuals who are now recognized as saints in our Church, struggled with living the commandments in everyday life. Children: treat parents with dignity. Honoring a parent or an in-law doesn’t mean that you are obligated to do whatever they want! It does mean treating them with respect and trying to understand their viewpoints. Instead of becoming impatient, see if there is room for compromise. Using the above example, you might explain that SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) has decreased since the government began its “Back to Sleep” program in 1994. Suggest that back rubs could be incorporated into their time together in a different way. Parents: give judicious advice. (CCC 2230) When adult children take on the responsibilities of parenthood, their own parents and in-laws need to be thoughtful in the advice that they give. What are the fruits of the interactions between generations? Does it lead the younger generation to a more wholesome family life? Or do spouses end up “at odds” with one another? Find ways that your input can bring harmony to the lives of your grown children instead of adding pressure. Be willing to share what was meaningful in raising children without the expectation that your adult children will decide to adopt the same behaviors.
Family relationships are challenging, but each person has the same primary vocation – to follow Jesus. Whether families are dealing with infants or empty nests, there are always different traditions and various opinions among in-laws. Work on communicating effectively, so that hurt feelings don’t take roots. Try to build in time for fun activities so that time spent together is renewing for all. Scripture provides another perspective, “ ... whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children ... ” (Sir 3:3-4) As you honor your parents and in-laws, you are setting a good example for your children, showing them the way to treat you when they have families of their own! – Dr. Cathleen McGreal is a professor of psychology at Michigan State University and a certified spiritual director. May 2004
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Prayer has power. How good it is to hear someone say, “I am praying for you!” While people of faith have known for thousands of years the power of prayer, even modern skeptics are beginning to change their outlook. Studies are showing the positive effects of prayer – both for the individual who prays, and for the recipient of the prayers. Why are our prayers powerful? Because of Jesus! Christians, by their baptism, are united to Jesus Christ who sits at the right hand of the Father where He intercedes for us. (Rom 8:34) He is our High Priest who offered Himself on the cross for our salvation. His priesthood is eternal. “Therefore, He is always able to save those who approach God through Him, since He lives forever to make intercession for them.” (Heb 7:24) Jesus enables our prayers to have effect because we share in His priesthood through baptism. United to the one High Priest, we intercede with Him for others. It is great to think of Jesus praying for each of us at every moment. Jesus wants each person to receive salvation. He desires that we have a thirst and hunger for the salvation of others, too. The love and desire for our salvation is at the heart of Christ’s intercession for us. During His ministry, Jesus spent all night in prayer. (Mark 1:35, 6:46) He prayed for the sick (Luke 4:40), for the possessed (Luke 4:41), for His disciples (John 17), for Simon Peter in a special way (Luke 22:31-32), and for all who would believe. Jesus’ prayer of intercession was an extension of His very self in an offering of love. The Father wants us each to be just like Jesus in our own unique way. So, the Father wants us to learn to intercede – to pray on behalf of others – like Jesus did. As we pray for other’s needs, we grow less selfish and become more like Jesus. We grow in our awareness of the interconnectedness of the human family and that our prayers of love have the power to help others because of the goodness and mercy of God. Jesus said, “Amen, amen, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in my name He will give you. ... ask and you will receive,
C. Jones
praying for others: why do we do it? how do we do it? f i t n e s s
so that your joy may be complete.” (John 16:23-24) God wants us to intercede for each other so that we will be filled with joy. So how do we intercede for each other? If you know how to ask for help, it is not hard. The saints of the Church offer great examples of the constancy, perseverance, faith, hope and passionate benevolence that are necessary ingredients for powerful intercession. Take St. Rita for example. As a young woman, Rita wanted to enter a convent and dedicate her life to God and to intercessory prayer. Her mom and dad were against it. They wanted her to get married. Rita was obedient to them. What a great example of keeping the Fourth Commandment! Unfortunately for her, mom and dad were no matchmakers. She obeyed them and married a man who was an abusive drunk. With kindness and love, Rita continued to witness to her husband the way of Christ. They were blessed with two boys, but they grew up more like their dad than their mom. Rita never lost her faith, and increased her prayers for her husband and her two sons. She asked God to give them faith and
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For our spiritual fitness this month, I suggest we make a conscious effort to intercede for the needs of others. 1 In private prayer, ask the Holy Spirit to help you pray for others and then listen to your heart. Write down the intercessions or people the Lord inspires you to pray for and pray for them each day of this month. 2 Make a conscious effort to listen well during Mass to the prayers of intercession and really join your heart and will to the public prayer of the Church. 3 When someone asks you to pray for them – do it right away.
3 suggestions before you begin any kind of prayer 1 Spend quality time each day with God. Some pray in the car or other places, and of course this is good, but it is not really the kind of environment that will be conducive for the quiet needed to give one’s whole self and attention to God. If we want God to hear our prayers, we ought to show God a deep reverence and respect and, when we can help it, not put ourselves in the way of distraction. 2 Remember who you are talking to – it is God! God loves you and He is very close – not far away! Have faith!
3 Consider the time you have with God as something precious.
8 helps to intercessory prayer 1 Obey God. Obey those God has put in authority over us. God’s providence works through all things, even what we believe to be their mistakes of judgment. Obedience always helps in intercession, because we will become more docile to the movement of God in our soul when He calls us to pray for someone else. 2 Believe the Lord has called you to intercede and the Father hears your prayers through Jesus. Many people find it helpful to pray with our Blessed Mother, or pray with a saint. A person can feel greater confidence and faith when they know they are not alone in their intercession and that when we pray with others, the power of the prayer of intercession is amplified. 3 Recognize that “we do not know how to pray as we ought.” (Rom 8:26) Sometimes we think we know what
CNS/Crosiers
convert their hearts so that they would live at peace with God and others. After 18 years of marriage, and countless prayers offered by Rita, her husband did convert! Rita was so happy, but before she could embark on a new life with her husband, he was killed. Her two sons were bent on plans of revenge. Rita then turned to God and prayed that God would keep them from sin, and if that meant taking their lives, so be it. Well, both of them caught an illness that eventually did take their lives. While they were sick, they both repented of their desire for vengeance and reconciled with God. They died very peacefully with their own mother taking care of them. Rita was eventually led by God to join the convent and spend the rest of her life praying for others and doing penance for her sins and the sins of humanity. At the end of her life, she continued to pray for others, especially for her husband and two sons who had died long before.
another person needs. Maybe we do, but maybe we don’t! Jesus said we must remove the log from our own eye first. So to be a good intercessor for anyone, we first must acknowledge our own poverty to God. 4 Ask the Holy Spirit to help us intercede. The Holy Spirit will intercede for us according to the will of God. 5 Do not give up or lose heart when you intercede. Read Luke 11:1-13. Pray often and be persistent. Some prayers take many years to be answered. 6 Pray with confidence and thanksgiving. God will answer the prayer according to His will. You never need to worry. “What father would hand his son a snake when he asked for a fish!” (Luke 11:11) 7 Offer your prayer of intercession during weekly or daily Mass. The greatest prayer of all is the Mass. 8 Join a prayer group and offer your intercession with others. Most prayer groups have a time of communal intercession. If you cannot find a prayer group, then start your own. Unite your friends together and begin to pray. Pray the rosary, Divine Mercy chaplet or a similar devotion and announce the intentions and intercessions before you begin the prayer.
She asked God to bring them to heaven and even asked for a special favor – some sign that would help her know they were with the Lord. In the middle of winter, St. Rita knew God would give her a sign. She told one of her relatives to go and see if a rose had bloomed. The sister thought she might be delirious, but went and investigated. To her great surprise and joy discovered a rose shooting up from the snow at Rita’s home. Rita smiled and then asked her relative for two figs from the fig tree in her garden – another impossible request that was granted. Rita died in peace, and many miracles happened and continue to occur to this day through her intercession. So now it is our turn! The Lord is counting on us to join Him and countless saints in interceding for the salvation of all people. He wants us to pour out our hearts in faith and in union with Him before God the Father. – Fr. Bill Ashbaugh is pastor of St. Joseph Parish, Howell. May 2004
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A hand-made gift will warm her heart
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What do you do to honor your mother on Mother’s Day? Do you take her out for a nice meal, or perhaps buy her a big bouquet? This year, try something different, something lasting, by making her a piece of jewelry – a beaded bracelet. Then, make it meaningful by integrating into the design the symbols of her faith. The practice of wearing such symbols – crosses, crucifixes, fish, doves and angels to name a few – is thought to have originated in pagan times, when people wore amulets around their necks to ward off evil spirits. In an effort to ease the transition to Christian ways, the Church adopted the amulet concept, but replaced the accompanying bags of herbs with simple wooden crosses. During the medieval period, Christians who visited places of pilgrimage collected coin-like tokens that served as a stimulus to devotion, while at the same time attesting to the fact that they had truly reached their destination. These tokens, which were cast in lead, were among the earliest
Stretch Bracelet 9 inches of elastic cord 9-12 large-holed beads (e.g., metal, wood, glass, clay, plastic, bone or stone) 10-13 spacers in a metal that complements the beads 1 large charm Bead cement Toothpick Begin slipping beads and spacers onto the elastic in an alternating pattern. After stringing all the beads and spacers, add a single, large charm. These instructions are for a standard-sized bracelet, but feel free to test it on your own wrist before finishing the bracelet. Make sure it’s tight enough, so that it won’t slip off. If necessary, trim the elastic slightly. When you’re satisfied with the size, knot the elastic. With a toothpick, dot the knot with bead cement. Once the cement is dry – approximately 15 minutes – push the knot into the nearest bead hole.
forms of medals, and were worn in a conspicuous way on a hat or pinned to a coat. Tokens continued to be popular until the 16th or 17th century, when they were replaced by medals of bronze or silver, executed in an artistic way. Today, the symbols of Christianity can be found in a variety of materials, including metal, wood, glass, clay, plastic, bone and stone. For the purposes of this bracelet project, gold- or silver-toned metal is an affordable choice. The symbols, called ‘charms’ in the jewelry industry, can be purchased at bead stores for about $2 apiece. Once you’ve selected the charms and beads you want to use, set up an assembly station on a tray or plate, or even in a bowl. This will contain the beads, in case they come unstrung. You can make a stretch bracelet in half an hour. The memory wire bracelet, however, may take an hour to finish, especially if you decide to arrange the elements in a random fashion.
Memory Wire Bracelet 11-12 inches of memory wire A handful of assorted largeholed beads 5-6 charms 5-6 jump loops Round-nose pliers Wire cutters With the roundnose pliers, form a loop at one end of the wire to keep the beads you will string from falling off. Hang charms on jump loops. String beads and charms onto the wire in either an alternating or random fashion. Be sure the beads you’ve chosen have large enough holes; don’t force small-holed beads onto the wire. As you work, check to see that the beads lie next to each other well. Large beads on adjacent coils may crowd each other and prevent the coils from lying smoothly. When you’ve filled the wire with charms and beads, add a final charm and use the round-nose pliers to form a closing loop.
did you know ... That the first observance of Mother’s Day in America occurred in Albion, Mich., on the second Sunday in May, 1887? On that day, Juliet Calhoun By Patricia Majher | Photography by Philip Shippert
Blakeley was celebrating her birthday by attending services at the local Methodist Episcopal church. During the service, the pastor became distraught about the recent intemperate behavior of his son and abruptly left the pulpit. Blakeley stepped forward to take over the service and called other mothers to join her. Her sons, who were traveling salesmen, were so moved by her gesture that they vowed to return to Albion every year to mark her birthday. And they urged business associates and others they met on the road to honor their mothers on the second Sunday in May. Anna Jarvis of Philadelphia is credited with bringing about the official observance of Mother’s Day, however. Through her efforts, the holiday was proclaimed by a joint resolution of Congress in 1914. May 2004
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things to do The 20th annual Fr. Mac Scholarship Dinner benefiting Lansing Catholic High School’s tuition assistance fund will be Thursday, May 6, at the Kellogg Center, Michigan State University. Mr. Robert Loggia, an academy-award nominated actor, will be this year’s keynote speaker. To purchase tickets, contact the development office at (517) 267-2114.
may readings
Sunday, May 2 Fourth Sunday of Easter Acts 13:14,43-52 Ps 100:1-3,5 Rev 7:9,14b-17 John 10:27-30 Sunday, May 9 Fifth Sunday of Easter Acts 14:21-27 Ps 145:8-13 Rev 21:1-5a John 13:31-33a,34-35 Sunday, May 16 Sixth Sunday of Easter Acts 15:1-2,22-29 Ps 67:2-3,5-6,8 Rev 21:10-14,22-23 John 14:23-29 Sunday, May 23 The Ascension of the Lord Acts 1:1-11 Ps 47:2-3,6-9 Eph 1:17-23 or Heb 9:24-28;10:19-23 Luke 24:46-53 Sunday, May 30 Pentecost Sunday Vigil Mass Gen 11:1-9 or Exod 19:3-8a,16-20b or Ezek 37:1-14 or Joel 3:1-5 Ps 104:1-2a,24,27-28,29bc30,35c Rom 8:22-27 John 7:37-39 Mass During the Day Acts 2:1-11 Ps 104:1ab,24ac,29bc-30,31,34 1 Cor 12:3b-7,12-13 or Rom 8:8-17 John 20:19-23 or John 14:1516,23b-26
A Mass for MSU graduates and their families will be celebrated at St. John Student Parish, East Lansing, on Friday, May 7, at 10 a.m.. A reception will follow. A Mother-Daughter Tea, sponsored by the Natural Family Planning Office of the diocese, will be held Sunday, May 16. The program is for girls aged 1012 and their mothers, and explores God’s special gift of human fertility and the beauty of womanhood in His plan. The event will take place at St. Mary Parish, Charlotte, and begin at 1 p.m. Pre-register by calling Michelle Fierro at (517) 726 0751. St. Catherine Labouré Parish, Concord, will have a 50th anniversary celebration on Sunday, May 16, 2004. Bishop Carl Mengeling will celebrate Mass at 10 a.m. A reception will follow in the the church hall. A blessing of a new statue of the Holy Family and a balloon launch will also take place. Courage is a Catholic spiritual support groups for individuals who seek to live chaste lives, but are struggling with same-sex attractions and/or behaviors. Encourage is a separate spiritual support group for their families and friends. Both groups are endorsed by the Diocese of Lansing and by the Pontifical Council for the Family. Call (517) 3513315 for the times and locations of the meetings All contacts are confidential.
A Caregiver Retreat for persons with disAbiliites and their families will take place Saturday, May 22, at St. Mary Parish, Westphalia. Two retreats will be held at the same time, one for caregivers and one for persons with disAbilities. The retreats begins at 1:30 p.m. and end with vigil Mass at 4:30 p.m. Call (517) 3422500 to register or for more information. The annual SightImpaired Retreat at St. Francis Retreat Center, DeWitt, will take place May 25-27. All persons with sight impairments are invited to attend this time of sharing, fellowship and learning about the Catholic faith. Call (517) 342-2500 for more information. Bethany House, DeWitt, is hosting its second annual Faith, Fun and Football camp from June 27-30. The camp, for young men entering grades 7-9, is directed by Jerry Hanlon, a parishioner of St. Thomas the Apostle, Ann Arbor, who coached the University of Michigan for 24 years. Call Bethany House toll-free (866) 669-8321 for more information. Volunteer needed: A skilled and committed volunteer is needed to assist the principal at DuKette Catholic School, Flint. This person may choose among chores such as helping with parent outreach, grant research, grocery shopping for the latchkey program, compiling book orders and creating newsletters. Call (810) 785-4743 and ask for Gail Negrinelli for details.
May Café Events Ss. Charles and Helena Parish, Clio, is offering a sixweek series called “Catholics Returning Home” on Thursdays, from April 22 to May 27. Sessions are held in the parish center from 6:30-8 p.m., and are for Catholics seeking answers to questions about returning to the Church. For more information, call Sr. Kathy at (810) 686-9861. On five consecutive Mondays, from April 26 to May 24, “Foundations of Faith” will be held at Holy Family Parish, Grand Blanc. Persons preparing for marriage, persons interested in becoming Catholic and Catholics wanting to learn more about their faith are encouraged to attend. Classes meet in the parish center from 7-9 p.m. Call (810) 6944891 for more information. FAITH wants to feature some “Teen good works” your teens are doing in our annual teen issue in September. It could be a Habitat for Humanity project, neighborhood clean-up, clothing drive for the poor, etc. Send: 1 the name of the teen, parish/school and age 2 a 75-word description of the “good work” 3 a photo (will not be returned) Mail to: TEEN Good Works FAITH Magazine 300 W. Ottawa Lansing, MI 48933 or e-mail: editor@faithmag.com Deadline: May 28, 2004
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Sister becomes director of Dominican retreat center
Refugee families diversify our community It was a typical day in Somalia for banker Abdulaziz Osman and his family – until men carrying automatic weapons stormed into his home. He rushed his children into a safe room as the men demanded money and gold. As bullets flew, Abdulaziz’s mother-in-law jumped in front of him, saving his life and losing her own. He now bares many bodily scars where bullets are still lodged. In 1996, the American government ruled the people of the Somali Bantu tribe were eligible for resettlement. Abdulaziz is not part of the Bantu tribe, which experienced discrimination and persecution, but he lived among them before coming to the United States in 1997. On March 12, 2004, the first Somali Bantu family to arrive in Lansing was welcomed at the airport by Abdulaziz, who is now employed by Refugee Services, a program of Catholic Social Services. Because he speaks five different languages, Abdulaziz is assigned to case management. Peggy Roberts, vice president of operations for Refugee Services, believes there are many benefits to the resettling of refugees. “A diverse community is a more interesting and vibrant community,” she says. Refugees are incredibly hard workers, who often start small businesses, introduce food from other cultures and infuse the aging American society with youth. Because American culture is so different to them, they need help adapting to their new surroundings. Refugee Services depends largely on volunteers in the greater Lansing community. Mentoring a family involves six hours of training and a two-hour time commitment per week. A total of 48 hours of volunteering makes a difference that will, to the refugees, last an entire lifetime. Material and financial support is also welcomed and appreciated. Many refugees are illiterate or were treated very poorly in school, and require assistance in embracing American culture. Abdulaziz is an example of the shining success of Refugee Services. He went from an abused and oppressed citizen of Somalia to a thriving American citizen. Six of his 13 children attend college, while six others are attending Eastern High School. If you would like to help by being a mentor to a family or if you have any questions about donations, call Refugee Services at (517) 484-1010. – Jodie Burditt
Sister Patricia Fischer, O.P., who has been principal of St. John School, Fenton, since 1975, will leave the parish in June. She will become the director of Weber Center Retreat and Conference Center on the home campus of the Dominican Sisters in Adrian. By doing so, she returns to her roots and hometown. Originally from St. Joseph Parish, Adrian, she entered the Adrian Dominicans in 1960. Prior to coming to St. John, Fenton, she taught in various Catholic schools in the Detroit and Chicago areas. Sr. Pat is leaving the parish and school with a heavy heart. During her 29 years of service there, an addition was built to the school and its enrollment has increased. “I will miss the children,” she says. “It’s such a delight to be in a parish where you see your graduates return to the school to visit and also enter their children in the school.” – Jan Rynearson
Lansing Catholic Central cheerleaders are runner-up in state Lansing Catholic Central varsity cheerleaders finished first in their region and second in the state for the 2003-2004 competition season. This year’s event included more than 130 teams that entered at the regional level. Twenty teams qualified for Class B finals, which were held Saturday, March 13, at Saginaw Valley State University. Lansing Catholic Central scored 591, just one point behind the state champion, Lakeview High School. The cheerleading team is comprised of 17 girls and is coached by Jodi Boeringer, a teacher at LCC.
Chelsea DRE honored for outstanding parish program Catherine Guinan, director of religious education at St. Mary Parish, Chelsea, recently received a 2003-2004 Religious Education Excellence Award for the Great Lakes region. The award was sponsored by the National Association of Parish Catechetical Directors (NPCD). The primary focus of Ms. Guinan’s ministry is the faith formation of more than 350 children from preschool through eighth grade. She has initiated many innovative programs that illustrate Gospel values. Ms. Guinan was one of six DREs honored during the 12th annual NPCD convocation in Boston, held April 13-16. May 2004
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FAITH talks to Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan can a movie about divorce be pro-marriage? Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan appear in Laws of Attraction, opening in theaters April 30. The film is directed by Peter Howitt (below).
Peter Howitt, director of Laws of Attraction, notes that when people get divorced, they often “discover a passion for a fight that they didn’t know they had in them.” He wonders, “Where was that passion and fight when they needed it, to save their marriage?” This sentiment is echoed in the movie by divorce attorney Daniel Rafferty, played by Pierce Brosnan. Neither Daniel’s carefree personality nor his philosophy about marriage are shared by Audrey Woods (Julianne Moore), another successful New York divorce lawyer. Single and professional, Audrey is pessimistic about marriage and even speaks sentimentally about divorce. “Marriage is dead in the water,” she claims. Daniel, on the other hand, says, “I don’t believe in divorce.” Meanwhile, the two lawyers find themselves head to head in a nasty divorce between a rock star (Michael Sheen) and his fashion designer wife (Parker Posey), who are “over the top” in every way. Their case centers on an Irish castle, which leads the characters away from the city to the romantic Irish countryside. During a town festival, Audrey and Daniel hastily get
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married, and are suddenly faced with the reality of their commitment. “Marriage seems to be a dying trade, which is sad,” says Brosnan. “People turn to divorce now very easily, very readily. And that’s a frightening way to look at the future of human kind. We need to be committed to each other on a man to woman basis so that we can create families of love and stronger communities.” As the Second Vatican Council reminded us, “The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life.” (Gaudium et Spes 47) Brosnan speaks of his own experience as a husband and father, saying, “It’s such a powerful commitment in the eyes of God … that elevates you to another level of love and sharing and respect for each other.” Brosnan’s first wife, actress Cassandra Harris, died of ovarian cancer in 1991, one day after their eleventh wedding anniversary. He has two children with his wife Keely Shaye Smith, whom he married in 2001. “I’ve been lucky in my life to have love in marriage twice,” he reflects. “In both occasions, the ceremony was deeply profound and indelible in my mind.” Director Peter Howitt, who will be 47 in May, also got married in 2001 – just one day after Brosnan’s wedding. “I never thought I’d get married,” he says. “I know that I’ll never get divorced, because I’ve waited (and) because it’s important enough to me to be married now that I will always do the fighting for the marriage.” In other words, Brosnan and Howitt agree that marriage demands sacrifice and hard work, and should not surrender to changing moods and difficult situations. “It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to ‘receive’ the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ.” (CCC 1615, cf. Matt 19:11) Marriage is a school in which one learns how to love. The story in Laws of Attraction is largely focused on Audrey’s journey of learning how to trust and be vulnerable, letting go of her cynicism and insecurity. “Experience has taught her as being a divorce lawyer that most relationships – certainly everything she sees – doesn’t work out,” says Moore. “She also has a mother who is a fairly promiscuous dater, so she doesn’t want to make the mistakes her mother
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l o c a l ln oe cwa sl n e FAITH’s Alton Pelowski was part of an exclusive group of journalists to personally interview the cast of the ‘Laws of Attraction’ Bishop Untener of Saginaw They talked about the movie’s themes of loses battle with leukemia at age 66 marriage and divorce.
Bishop Kenneth E. Untener of Saginaw died March 27, just six weeks after announcing to the 140,000 Catholics of the diocese that he would begin treatment for myelodysplasic syndrome, a form of leukemia. He had been diagnosed with the disease in early February and had undergone intensive treatment at the Barbara A. Karmanos Cancer Institute in Detroit. He died at Immaculate Heart of Mary Infirmary in Monroe. Upon learning of the bishop’s death, Cardinal Adam J. Maida of Detroit said Bishop Untener “had fervor for ministry” and would be remembered fondly by all who knew him. A funeral Mass was celebrated April 1 at St. Stephen Church in Saginaw, with Bishop Joseph L. Imesch of Joliet, Ill., as principal celebrant. A native of Detroit, Bishop Untener was born Aug. 3, 1937. Detroit Cardinal John F. Dearden ordained him a priest in 1963. In November 1980 he became the fourth bishop of the Diocese of Saginaw. – Brett McLaughlin (CNS) CNS/Catholic Times/Brett McLaughlin
has made. … And I do think that as a child of a single parent, it is hard to be confident.” Audrey’s insecurity points to another truth. The indissolubility of marriage, far from causing enslavement, frees a person to love. Discussing what he called “the superstition of divorce,” G.K. Chesterton wrote, “I could never conceive or tolerate any Utopia which did not leave to me the liberty for which I chiefly care, the liberty to bind myself.” A June 2003 Gallup Poll revealed that 77% of American teenagers, 13-17, believe that it is too easy to get a divorce in our country. In our age of prenuptial agreements and divorce on demand, it is no wonder why someone would be cynical about marriage. According to actress Frances Fisher, who plays Audrey’s mother, the movie also has a message specifically directed at young women. Unlike previous generations, women “have to be more like ‘guys’ in (their) attack in the workplace,” she says. “And sometimes it’s hard to take that armor and come home and be the vulnerable, receptive female that’s more in a woman’s nature to begin with.” For this reason, Fisher tells young women, “Don’t get caught when you’re in your 40s, forgetting to have children and forgetting to allow yourself to fall in love.” While it esteems the value of committed married love, Laws of Attraction unfortunately never depicts marriage as more than a legally binding contract. As Catholics, we believe in the sacramental nature of marriage. Marriage has God Himself as its author, is a sign of the covenantal union of Christ and the Church and is a source of sanctifying grace. (cf. Eph 5:31-32) This is good news! The life-giving reality of the Church’s vision of marriage is not merely a human institution, but allows us to share in the life of God. Furthermore, the movie would be dramatically improved if certain problematic elements were removed. For example, Audrey and Daniel are intoxicated during their exchange of wedding vows. Both this and the movie’s accepting attitude toward non-marital sex seem to undermine the characters’ apparent belief that love demands a free and total act of the will. Pope John Paul II puts it this way: “Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter ... it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving.” (Familiaris Consortio 13) Despite these shortcomings, Laws of Attraction raises important issues and ultimately has a positive message. Marriage is worth fighting for.
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priests on the move
Bishop Carl F. Mengeling, upon recommendation of the Priests’ Assignment Commission, announces the following assignments and transfers, effective June 30, 2004. Rev. Roy Horning From: parochial vicar of St. Robert, Flushing To: pastor of St. Robert, Flushing Rev. Robert H. McGraw From: pastor of St. Michael, Grand Ledge To: pastor of Queen of the Miraculous Medal, Jackson Rev. Thomas Nenneau From: pastor of Queen of the Miraculous Medal, Jackson To: pastor of St. Mary, Mt. Morris Rev. Raymond Urbanek From: pastor of St. Mary, Mt. Morris To: pastor of Holy Family, Ovid
– Alton Pelowski is assistant editor/webmaster for FAITH Magazine. Photos from New Line Productions, Inc.
Laws of Attraction is rated PG-13 for sexual content and language. Parents strongly cautioned.
Rev. Eric Weber From: parochial vicar of St. Thomas the Apostle, Ann Arbor To: pastor of St. Catherine Labouré, Concord May 2004
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Italian mother among those to be canonized in May
Pope calls Madrid bombings ‘horrendous crime,’ prays for victims Pope John Paul II called the Madrid bombings a “horrendous crime” that had shaken the world by its barbarism. The pope, who sent a condolence telegram immediately after the March 11 attack, said he wanted to publicly express his condemnation of the “unjustifiable” terrorist act. The 10 bombs on the Madrid train system exploded during the morning rush hour, killing 200 people and wounding some 1,500. On March 15, the pope celebrated Mass in memory of the victims of the attack and joined in a Europewide moment of silence and prayer at noon. – John Thavis (CNS)
U.S. Senate passes Unborn Victims of Violence Act The Senate approved the Unborn Victims of Violence Act by a vote of 61-38 March 25. It had passed in the House Feb. 26 by a vote of 254-163. The Unborn Victims of Violence Act is also known as “Laci and Conner’s Law” after Laci Peterson and her unborn son, Conner, whose disappearance and deaths drew national attention. The California woman was nearly eight months pregnant when she disappeared in December 2002; Laci and Conner’s bodies were found the following April. Under the law, anyone who harms a woman’s unborn child while committing a federal crime, such as assaulting the woman on federal property, commits a distinct federal crime against the child in addition to the crime against the woman. – Jerry Filteau (CNS)
– Carol Glatz (CNS)
Storm rages in courts, legislatures over same-sex marriage A long-bubbling controversy over same-sex marriages quickly boiled over into a rash of court and legislative battles around the country in March. Among the battlegrounds were California, Michigan, Massachusetts, Maryland, Wisconsin, Kansas, New York, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington and West Virginia. Cardinal Adam J. Maida of Detroit expressed disappointment March 10 after the Michigan House of Representatives the previous day fell eight votes short of the two-thirds majority needed to place a proposal on the ballot that would enshrine male-female marriage in the state constitution. Michigan has had a statutory ban on same-sex marriage since 1996, but the state Catholic conference and other supporters of traditional marriage argued that a constitutional amendment is needed now in light of the growing court challenges to the traditional definition. CNS/Reuters
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In May, Pope John Paul II will canonize four men and two women, the majority of whom are founders of religious congregations from the 19th century. The six will be elevated to sainthood during a Mass May 16 in St. Peter’s Square, the Vatican announced Feb. 19. Their elevation to sainthood just two days before the pope’s 84th birthday will bring the total number canonized by Pope John Paul to 483. Blessed Gianna Beretta Molla, the only nonreligious of the group, was an Italian pediatrician who, in national circles, became known as the “pro-life saint.” She discovered she had a uterine tumor during the end of the second month of her fourth pregnancy. In order to spare the life of the fetus she decided to refuse an operation that might have saved her life. Molla carried the girl to term in 1962, but died a week after giving birth.
– Jerry Filteau (CNS)
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how I honor my parents
Pope says patients must get nutrition, hydration as long as possible “The administration of water and food, even when delivered using artificial means, always represents a natural method of preserving life and not a medical act,” the pope told an international group of physicians and ethicists on March 20. Pope John Paul told the group that, while “vegetative state” has been accepted as a medical description of the clinical condition of patients who give no sign of consciousness or awareness of their environment, too many people think “vegetative” also describes the patients themselves, as if they were no longer human. “I feel an obligation to reaffirm vigorously that the intrinsic value and the personal dignity of every human being does not change no matter what the concrete situation of his life,” the pope said. A human being “never becomes a ‘vegetable’ or an ‘animal,’” he said. – Cindy Wooden (CNS)
In new book, pope describes confrontations with communist authorities
CNS
In a soon-to-be-published book about his 20 years as a bishop in Poland, Pope John Paul II tells of almost daily confrontations with communist authorities and describes his efforts to adopt a new and more open style of pastoral ministry. The book, a 200-page personal reflection written last year, will be published in Italian May 18, the pope's 84th birthday. Its probable English title will be, “Get Up, Let Us Go,” a phrase taken from the Gospel account of Christ's last encounter with His Apostles. The pope was prompted to write the book by two anniversaries in 2003 – the 45th anniversary of his ordination as a bishop and the 25th anniversary of his election as pope. The book is divided into six sections and at least 40 chapters. In a sense, Vatican officials said, it is a sequel to the pope’s 1996 biographical work, “Gift and Mystery,” on his years as a priest. – John Thavis (CNS)
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Students gather near the U.S. flag outside the Supreme Court in Washington March 24 as justices were hearing a case involving the Pledge of Allegiance. California atheist Dr. Michael Newdow was challenging the inclusion of the phrase “under God” in the pledge.
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wish I had honored my father more when he was alive. Now, I can only honor him with my prayers for him. He passed over into the next life 48 years ago. He was 57 years old and I was 23, a freshman in law school. My relationship with him was “strained,” as is the relationship many boys have with their fathers. He was less-than-perfect and did not meet my youthful perfectionistic standards. Now, I can love him only through my prayers for him – prayers asking God to fill him with infinite happiness, along with prayers of thanksgiving to God for having given me the manly father that he was. Burying my mother was an entirely different matter. She died on my 59th birthday, when she was 88 years old, after having suffered from Alzheimer’s disease since she was 80. At that time, I had been a priest for 24 years and had dealt with death and dying many, many times. I was with her when she passed away, while she was peacefully sleeping. She simply stopped breathing and was gone, quietly and unassuming. Her whole life was quiet and unassuming. My first feelings were that I was now an orphan and that I no longer had a home. I never had any brothers or sisters, so “home” for me was wherever my mother was, even though she was in a nursing home. If I was with her, I was home. Her passing stripped me of having any family, save visiting some cousins every once in a great while. The next thought that came to mind was that the woman who had given me life was now dead. The woman in whose womb God had fashioned me was now gone, born into eternal life. Needless to say, it was a sobering thought. Suddenly, I was next in line for death in our little family! The truth is that we all have but a tenuous hold on life. Our belief in the communion of saints is so very comforting. I stay in touch with mom and dad via my prayers, continually asking God to fill them to overflowing with His love, asking Him to give them happiness that knows no bounds and asking them to pray for me. The death of one’s father brings with it one set of sorrows, along with, of course, another set of happy memories and the gratitude that goes with them. But the death of one’s mother is quite something else. Priests will tell you that their mothers’ deaths have a special meaning and significance to them, a significance that the few words in this little column could not possibly convey. It should come as no surprise that many priests have a special devotion to our Blessed Mother. We are “part of the family,” a family whose bonds death cannot even touch. She is our Mother. One final thought. For me, to “honor my father and my mother” means that I must live an honorable life. My honoring of them is to try – however much I fall short – to live my life in such a way that it wouldn’t make sense at all apart from the existence of God. It’s the only way I can thank God, my mom and my dad for the gift of life they gave me.
– Fr. Charles Irvin is the founding editor of FAITH Magazine and is now living an active retirement in DeWitt. May 2004
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7 Goals of the Diocese As a result of our ongoing VOICES process, we, the Church of the Diocese of Lansing, will: 1 Create parish communities of faith that are inclusive and welcoming, and which encourage spiritual and social growth. 2 Evangelize, sharing the joy and promise of the Gospel with inactive and alienated Catholics and the unchurched. 3 Provide vibrant, lifelong faith formation opportunities which enable us to live the Gospel. 4 Nurture Spirit-filled ministers and leaders who are commissioned through the sacraments of initiation to use their gifts and talents to serve the needs and vision of the Church. 5 Respond to the Gospel’s call to social justice and outreach through education and by a coordinated assessment and response to the needs of the people in our communities. 6 Foster and enhance spirituality and worship that will deepen people’s relationship with God and the Church. 7 Strengthen the ongoing relationship of youth and young adults with the Church.
The Magazine of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing
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