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“Buddy, can you help me out of here?” f r o m
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guy was walking along one day, not paying attention, and fell down a hole in the sidewalk. The hole was deep and its sides were too steep for him to climb out on his own. Needing to get out of the hole, the man called out for help from those who were walking by. The first to hear his cry for help was a minister. “Hey reverend,” the man in the hole cried out, “could you help me get out of this hole?” The minister paused, wrote out a prayer, dropped it down the hole to the man, and kept on walking. Frustrated, the man called out again for help. A physician was the next to stop. Seeing the man’s predicament, the doctor wrote out a prescription, dropped it down the hole and walked on. Finally, a friend walks by, spots his friend down in the hole, and jumps in with him. In disbelief, the man who had fallen in the hole exclaimed, “Why in the world did you jump down in the hole? Now both of us have to get out!” The friend who had jumped in explained, “Buddy, I’ve been down in this hole before, and I know the way out.” There’s something incredibly comforting that comes from knowing people who have been through some of the worst that life has to offer. They can serve as guides to us, helping us to get out of the holes in which we sometimes find ourselves. They also serve as genuine sources of empathy, rather than sympathy. These “wisdom figures” can be invaluable sources of strength and insight, especially when we find ourselves in a situation that is emotionally, physically, or spiritually challenging. In 1971, Frank Bolak experienced death, only to be brought back to life. Over time, with God’s help, Frank’s life was changed. In time, Frank would use his experience to touch the lives of many people. The spouses of both Barbara Riordan and Frank Papp died within months of one another in 1994. Frank and Barbara formed a friendship with the help of their parish’s bereavement ministry. What began as a friendship meant to help one another deal with grief, and grow through it, in time became a romance. Their shared experience of the loss of a spouse would eventually lead Barbara and Frank to marry in 1996. Their unique path to marriage has helped both to discover untapped potential. After suffering many years from a genetic form of emphysema, Sue Ramseth was blessed to receive a double lung transplant. St. Paul, Cardinal Joseph Bernardin and St. John of the Cross, among others, would serve as Sue’s guides as she walked a path filled with many ups and downs. Although her health no longer permits her to be as active as she would like, she firmly believes that God sends people her way, helping them to understand how God’s hand is at work in their lives, just as it is in Sue’s. As we make our way more deeply into the solemnity of this Lenten season, it is important for us to keep the joys of Easter in mind. As we turn away from old ways of life and old habits of self, we are also turning toward new life with Christ Jesus. As we walk with him on the path that leads to Jerusalem and to the cross, Jesus shows us that there is new life beyond death. And so our journey in FAITH continues.
There’s something incredibly comforting that comes from knowing people who have been through some of the worst that life has to offer. They can serve as guides to us, helping us to get out of the holes in which we sometimes find ourselves.
– Fr. Dwight Ezop is editor of FAITH Magazine and pastor of the Catholic Community of St. Jude.
Tom Gennara
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f e a t u r e s
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p r o f i l e Both of their spouses died: how they found a new life with each other. Barbara and Frank met each other in a bereavement group in their parish. Find out how friendship and mutual support blossomed into love. – Bob Horning
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m y s t o r y After her lung transplant, God breathed new life into Sue’s soul. Sue struggled to take a breath for years. Genetic emphysema had diminished her lung capacity to 20% – find out how a double lung transplant breathed new life into Sue’s body and soul. – Marybeth Hicks
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c o v e r s t o r y I was dead for 20 minutes – what Frank’s brush with death taught him about life and God. Thirty-four years ago, as Frank Bolak was riding his motorcycle to his wedding shower, he was struck by a car and dragged 300 feet. Later, in the hospital, Frank says he died and had an experience that changed his life and shaped his faith. Find out what Frank learned about life from being dead.
what you’ll get out of this issue • Let go – and let God take care of it. The miracle of forgiveness. 10 From the Bishop – Bishop Carl F. Mengeling • Out of work? Three areas to focus your career transition. 17 Work life – Tim Ryan • 4 things to consider before going into debt • 4 questions to ask about your relationship and how to get it back on track. • What stage is your marriage? How to keep the romance alive. • Make time for prayer – starting with dinner. 20 Your Marriage Matters • A cry for help – what to do when someone is suicidal. The warning signs of suicidal behavior and how you should respond. 21 The Journey – Dr. Cathleen McGreal • Where are you, Lord? What to do when you can’t find God in prayer. 22 Spiritual Fitness – Fr. Bill Ashbaugh • The triduum comprises the three holiest days of the year – find out more about this celebration of the institution of the Eucharist. 26 The Year of the Eucharist – Fr. Charles Irvin
• How is a new pope chosen? Read about the conclave. 31 What happens when a pope dies
– Nancy Schertzing
c u l t u r e To live again – forcing bulbs and branches. Anticipate spring by coaxing bulbs and branches into bloom.
• Dear Fr. Joe: What’s the ‘resurrection of the body?’ 6 In the know with Fr. Joe – Fr. Joseph Krupp
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• A glimpse of the resurrection. Read about Fr. Charlie’s life in recovery. 31 The Last Word – Fr. Charles Irvin
Liturgical Calendar: St. Katherine Drexel, Virgin March 2 | St. Casimir March 4 | Sts. Perpetua and Felicity March 7 | St. John of God, Religious March 8
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TM
The Magazine of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing
Catholic Schools Week – faith in our students
Most Reverend Carl F. Mengeling PUBLISHER
Rev. Charles Irvin FOUNDING EDITOR
March 2005 • Volume 6 : Issue 2
Rev. Dwight Ezop EDITOR IN CHIEF
Patrick M. O’Brien MANAGING EDITOR/CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Elizabeth Martin Solsburg ASSISTANT EDITOR/STAFF WRITER
Patrick Dally ART DIRECTOR/WEB DESIGNER
Jillane Job SUBSCRIPTIONS/SECRETARY
Evelyn Weitzel SUBSCRIPTIONS
Keith Anderson Sara Teller EDITORIAL INTERN
Rev. William Ashbaugh Tom and JoAnne Fogle Heidi Hess-Saxton Bob Horning Marybeth Hicks Rev. Joseph Krupp Cathleen McGreal John Morris Pat Nischan Alton Pelowski Rick and Diane Peiffer Tim Ryan Nancy Schertzing Tony Sperendi CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Michelle Strasz
GRAPHIC DESIGN INTERN
Students at St. Casimir and IHM schools, Lansing, celebrate Catholic Schools Week
T
he week of Jan. 30 to Feb. 5 was set aside to celebrate and promote Catholic education across the country. The theme of Catholic Schools Week 2005 was Faith in Our Students. This theme reflects the core value
of Catholic education – developing students’ potential, training them to become tomorrow’s leaders and ensuring that their life decisions are informed by their faith. Catholic schools strive to provide for the needs of the
Margaret Perrone PROOFREADING
Tom Gennara Christine Jones James Luning (cover) Philip Shippert
in the beginning
by Chris Sushynski
CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS
Wayne Case Vicki Bedard Patricia Garcia Diane Nowak Margaret Perrone James Rhadigan Ricardo Rodriguez David Rosenberg Rev. James Swiat Peter Wagner Sharon Wimple ADVISORY BOARD
InnerWorkings PRINT MANAGEMENT
Give the gift of FAITH: subscriptions (517) 342-2595 Diocese of Lansing Main Line: (517) 342-2440
© Chris Sushynski
FAITHPublishingService.com FAITHTM (USPS 019993) is a membership publication of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing, 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933. Published monthly except February and August. Subscription rates are $15 per year. Individual issues are $2.50. Send all subscription information and address changes to 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933; (517) 3422595; fax (517) 342-2537 or e-mail j job@dioceseoflansing.org. Periodicals Postage Paid at Lansing, MI or additional offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: FAITHTM, 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933. ©Catholic Diocese of Lansing. FAITH is a trademark of the Catholic Diocese of Lansing.
Consequently, Jesus was banned from future triathlons.
whole child – educational, social, emotional and spiritual. Diocese of Lansing schools chose a variety of ways to participate, ranging from a Teacher Appreciation Day at St. Michael’s in Grand Ledge to Wacky Hair Days and other fun events throughout the diocese. Many schools organized community service projects, such as filling shoe boxes with items for soldiers overseas. Students at St. Thomas in Ann Arbor held a science fair in which projects were judged by University of Michigan scientists. A highlight of the week was the All Schools Mass at St. Mary Cathedral on Jan. 31. In addition to promoting Catholic education, Catholic Schools Week acknowledges the contribution of Catholic educators, families and faith communities. Without the dedication and support of these groups, Catholic schools would cease to exist. For information about Catholic school roundups and registration information, visit FAITHmag.com.
St. Frances of Rome, Religious March 9 | St. Patrick, Bishop March 17 | St. Cyril of Jerusalem, Bishop and Doctor March 18 | St. Jo
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what’s a ‘slider?’ this former Protestant ‘slid’ into Catholicism o n l i n e
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s I have swapped stories with other converts over the years, certain themes come up again and again. For many, going to their first Mass is a rather clandestine affair. Disguised in dark glasses, we clutch our super-sized Bibles under our trench coats, and lurk in the shadows to be sure no one we know sees us going in. When the coast is clear, we scuttle across and slip into the very last pew, sinking a little lower each time a priest or parishioner glances our way. This peculiar behavior might brand us as “backsliders,” or simply “sliders” (if not by our pewmates, for sure by friends and relatives when and if they find out where we spent that particular Sunday morning).
Greg Shemitz/Long Island Catholic
Even those who summon up the courage to walk in as though they are regulars soon give themselves away, if you know what to look for. Sure, there’s the “Our Father Express,” where all the Protestants keep on going when everyone else stops at “... deliver us from evil.” However, there are other, subtler signs as well. Here are fifteen of them. They might be “sliders” if... they cut a wide berth at the baptismal font, and trip over or run into whoever is genuflecting toward the tabernacle on their way into the pew. They might be “sliders” if... they sing hymns like Amazing Grace and Joyful, Joyful with gusto, in three-part harmony, but clam up for the Gloria. They might be “sliders” if... they carry Bibles larger than the lectionary, but can lip sync the readings without ever looking down. Read the rest of Heidi Hess Saxton’s signs, along with other exclusive essays, features and news briefs only on FAITHmag.com
St. Margaret Clitherow Catholic in a hostile land s a i n t
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St. Margaret Clitherow Born: 1556 Died: March, 25, 1586 in York, England Feast Day: March 25 Also one of the 40 martyrs of England and Wales Claim to Fame: Margaret, the “Pearl of York,” was the daughter of Thomas Middleton, the Sheriff of York. In 1571, she wed John Clitherow, a wealthy butcher. They were married in St. Martin’s Church in a Reformed ceremony, both of them having been raised in that denomination. In 1574, Margaret became Catholic and used her house for the shelter of priests. She was eventually accused of treason for her Catholicism and martyred. Although Margaret’s husband never became a Catholic, he paid her fines for failure to attend Protestant services and turned a blind eye to her activities for the faith, allowing her to hide priests, have Mass said in their home, and raise their children as Catholics. He described her as “the best wife in all England.” Life-changing moment: After a house raid turned up Mass vestments and vessels, Margaret was arrested and tried. She was sentenced to be pressed to death, even though she was probably pregnant. She walked barefoot to her execution; she had sent her hose and shoes to her daughter Ann as a message, “Follow in my footsteps.” How she died: At the Ousebridge tollbooth, Margaret’s executioners tied her, naked, to stakes in the ground, with her arms outstretched in the form of a cross. A sharp stone was placed beneath her back; a door was laid on top of her and weighted until she was crushed to death. She died after 15 minutes of agony, in which her last words were “Jesu, Jesu, have mercy on me.” What was her legacy?: Margaret was condemned to death for, among other things, refusing to keep the Sabbath in a way other than what she believed to be holy. She witnessed to the power of the Mass to her whole family – her two sons, Henry and William, became priests and her daughter, Ann, became a nun. Famous quote: Knowing the penalty for hiding priests was death, Margaret nevertheless said, “By God's grace all priests shall be more welcome to me than ever they were, and I will do what I can to set forward God's Catholic service.” – Elizabeth Solsburg
St. Joseph, Husband of the Virgin Mary March 19 | Palm Sunday March 20 | Holy Thursday March 24 | Good Friday March 25 | Holy Saturday March 26 | Easter Sunday March 27
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Dear Fr. Joe: What does resurrection of the body mean? We say it in the creed, but I don’t know what it means.
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reat question! I recently read a statistic that said more than 80% of Catholics don’t know we believe in the resurrection of our bodies. Now, as I explain what, how and why we believe our bodies are destined for glory, be sure and try and see what the implications of this belief would be for our morality, OK? Much of the moral teaching of the church flows from our belief that our bodies will rise from the dead. So, with all that in mind, let’s jump in! At the end of the Apostles’ Creed, we say, “I believe in the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.” The actual translation of that line from the Greek is “resurrection of the flesh.” Clearly, as Catholics, we believe that our souls and our bodies are going to heaven some day. We start off with Jesus – surprise! When Jesus rose from the dead, he went to great lengths to show that he was raised, not just in spirit, but March 2005
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in his body as well. For an example of this, check out Luke 24:39 – by both eating earthly food and allowing the disciples to touch him physically, Jesus showed that he was totally risen, body and soul. Before his resurrection, Jesus proclaimed that he wasn’t just going to rise from the dead (which is pretty impressive, you gotta admit), but that he himself was the resurrection itself. (cf. John 11:25) Now, we believe that in our baptism and lifelong response to it, we join with the person of Jesus. Remember when Jesus appeared to Saul before his conversion? He said to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” (cf. Acts 9:4) Think about it – Saul never saw or touched Jesus before this point and we know that Jesus wasn’t mistaken, so what do we know? That those who believe in Jesus and love him are united with him. Our connection to Jesus is not just in the heart, but pervades the whole person of the believer. Since Jesus rose from the dead body and soul, and we are joined with him, we know that our bodies and souls will be united with Jesus in heaven. The disciples proclaimed
Tom Gennara
Fr. Joe: what’s the ‘resurrection of the body?’
Have you heard about the priest who found the young man looking at the war memorial wall in the back of the Church? The young man turned to the priest and asked, “Father, why are these names up here on the wall?” The priest answered, “Well, these are people who died in the service.” Solemnly nodding, the young man said, “Which one? The nine or the eleven?” this belief in the resurrection of our bodies and taught it to their successors. Look at Romans 8:11– “The spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will give life to your mortal
bodies also through the spirit of him who dwells in you.” This is some of our earliest non-gospel teaching about our bodies rising. Since then, it has been the consistent Christian (not just Catholic) teaching that our bodies and souls rise from the dead.
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34%
what year did the K of C begin? h i s t o r y
q u i z
of Americans believe the Bible is the actual word of God and is to be taken literally. – Gallup 01/4/05
p o l l
how do you want God to change you during this Lent?
A lay fraternal society founded by Father Michael J. McGivney, the Knights of Columbus is chartered by the General Assembly of Connecticut on March 29, WHAT YEAR?
We asked members of St. Dominic Parish, Clinton, “How do you want God to change you during this Lent?”
Congress enacts legislation that officially designated The Star-Spangled Banner as the national anthem of the United States on March 3, WHAT YEAR? Even though The Star-Spangled Banner had been used at military events and baseball games for years, before this date the country had used several different songs as anthems, including Hail, Columbia; Yankee Doodle; and My Country, ‘Tis of Thee. Alexander Graham Bell sends the first message by telephone: “Mr. Watson, come here. I want you,” on March 10, WHAT YEAR? The first settlers arrive in Maryland and establishes the town of St. Mary’s on March 25, WHAT YEAR? The colony of Maryland was a haven for Catholic settlers who were often persecuted for their beliefs in other, Protestant-settled areas of America.
Renee Doster: “I want him to renew my relationship with my family – my spouse, my children and, of course, my parish family.”
Larry Schwab: “I hope to have more tolerance with people in general. It seems today nobody listens or follows directions.”
Mary Fisher: “I would like to see God continue to open my heart so that I may hear his voice speaking to me like never before; an increased sensitivity to his spirit.”
Answers: 1882, 1931, 1876, 1634
How does it all work out? Well, at the time of our earthly death, our souls will join God in heaven. It is at the second coming of Jesus that our bodies will rise and be restored with our souls in the new heavenly kingdom. Think of it this way – when we were created, we had what philosophers called a “preternatural body.” This was what we were created to be. These bodies were different from ours now; incapable of death or sickness and without flaw. When we sinned and fell from grace, sin and death were cut loose in the world. Our bodies changed and became what they are now, capable of accommodating sickness and death. When Jesus returns, the kingdom of heaven will be restored perfectly on Earth, and we will
return to that preternatural state, or what the Bible calls a “glorified body.” I hope that means we will have chiseled abs, but I can’t be sure. For a great discussion on this, make sure to check out sections 988-1019 in your catechisms. Enjoy another day in God’s presence!
Dear Fr. Joe: Was Lazarus really dead? How about Jairus’ daughter? Yep. Dead as doornails.
What does the Catechism say? 992 “God revealed the resurrection of the dead to his people progressively. Hope in the bodily resurrection of the dead established itself as a consequence intrinsic to faith in God as creator of the whole man, soul and body. The creator of heaven and earth is also the one who faithfully maintains his covenant with Abraham and his posterity. It was in this double perspective that faith in the resurrection came to be expressed. ... ” 993 “The Pharisees and many of the Lord’s contemporaries hoped for the resurrection. Jesus teaches it firmly. To the Sadducees who deny it he answers, ‘Is not this why you are wrong, that you know neither the scriptures nor the power of God?’ Faith in the resurrection rests on faith in God who ‘is not God of the dead, but of the living.’”
Online Discussion Forums: This month’s topics on FAITHmag.com
– Fr. Joseph Krupp
Send your questions to: “In the Know with Fr. Joe” FAITH Magazine 300 W. Ottawa Lansing, MI 48933 Or: JoeInBlack@priest.com
• Do you believe in near-death experiences? • Have you ever experienced spiritual darkness? What happened? Visit FAITHmag.com, then click FAITH forums to discuss these and other interesting topics with Fr. Jeffrey Njus.
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our vocation is our marriage how we met; how we live it Celebrating in 2005:
Call of the baptized Jan. 9
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Consecrated Life Feb. 6
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Ordained Priesthood April 17
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Permanent Diaconate A
what is your image of God?
Sue was always active in the church, teaching religious education at St. Therese Parish and participating wholeheartedly at St. John Student Parish. Rob had no formal expression of his faith, but we jointly agreed to raise our children as Catholics. After our son Anthony was born, Rob decided to take inquiry classes, just to find out more about what our children would be learning. By November, he had decided he wanted to be a Catholic and was baptized on Sue’s birthday in 1985. By then, we were expecting our sec-
ond child, our daughter Amanda. Eventually, our daughter Allison completed our family. During RCIA (the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults), we drew even closer to each other and we made lasting friendships with other couples. As time went on, though, we noticed our communication mostly seemed to be about the kids and how to schedule our lives around their many activities. So, in 1991, we decided to attend a Marriage Encounter weekend. It re-focused our understanding of our marriage as
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e both ran track at DeWitt High School, becoming friends and then sweethearts. Rob graduated and went to Michigan State University; two years later, Sue was a student at Lansing Community College. We married while we were still in college and lived in married housing for a while.
If I imagine God as a watchmaker, then no true discernment is possible. He made the world as the watchmaker produces a watch. But his involvement in his creation ends when he is finished making it. In this instance, God is just a real but unknowable cause of creation. To ask what such a God desires of us would be as useless as asking what does the watchmaker want me to do with his watch today? The puppeteer God is so involved in his creation that he holds all the strings and manipulates persons and events the way a puppeteer controls his puppets. If God is a puppeteer, then we are not free. We don’t need to discover his will, since he is going to bring it about whether we like it or not. It is evident Jesus reveals God our Father in the image of an adult child relating to his or her parents, adult to adult. St. Ignatius of Antioch describes this image with his well-known statement, “The glory of God is man/woman fully alive!” The father God is stressed by John Paul II. He writes about the God-given dignity of a person – each one unique and unrepeatable. We have our own DNA and fingerprints, for example. In many ways we are incommunicable. Love is the only way to relate to a person. The opposite of loving someone is using him. God will not use any person. Therefore, a call from God is always a dialogue. At the Annunciation, God calls Mary to be the mother of the Savior. She has questions. There is a dialogue. Ultimately, she makes a free gift of herself – “Be it done unto me according to your word.” – Fr. Matt Fedewa
Rob and Sue Strouse renew their marriage daily.
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CNS/Todd Plitt
One’s image of God will affect one’s approach to discernment. Let us consider just three possible images: the watchmaker God, the puppeteer God or the father God
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Marriage and Family Life May 22
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Dedicated Single Life July 10
bible quiz who said that? A. Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you. (Lk. 1: 28)
Peter
B. They have no more wine. (John 2:3)
Gabriel
C. Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters – one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah. (Matt. 17:4)
Martha
Mary
Mary Magdalen
D. They have taken my Lord away and I do not know where they have put him. (John 20: 13) E. Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me! (Luke 10: 40) Answers to Jan./Feb. Quiz: 1-d, 2-e, 3-b, 4-a, 5-c
a sacrament. We realized that our marriage had to be the number one priority in our lives if we were really going to live out the promises we made in front of God, our families and our church community many years ago. We now try to center our activities around things we can do as a couple. We don’t always succeed, but we’re continually aware. Together, we are active in our church and our children’s schools. Our son is a seminarian for the diocese, so we serve on the diocesan vocations committee. Every day, on the way to work, we each pray the rosary in our separate vehicles. Although we’re apart, it’s a way for us to be spiritually connected. Having a strong marital relationship is not only a gift we give to each other, it is also the greatest gift we can give our children. Marriage is a mirror of Christ’s love for us and, through it, we are Christ’s witnesses to the world. – Rob and Sue Strouse www.FAITHmag.com
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Win a copy of Triumph of Her Spirit, the CD honoring Cheryl Hrcka. Send your answers to esolsburg@dioceseoflansing.org or FAITH Magazine Bible Quiz, 300 W. Ottawa, Lansing, MI 48933
•
Ecclesial Lay Ministry Oct. 9
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Missionaries Oct. 23
a deeper look at marriage In a Catholic wedding, you’ll never hear the priest or deacon say, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Why is that? It’s because the priest does not marry the couple, they marry each other. They are married at that point in the wedding ceremony when each has spoken the words, “I take you to be my husband (or wife).” They are married then, before the priest speaks another word, before the rings are exchanged, before the nuptial blessing. Marriage is a gift of self, it is defined by the exchange of consent between a man and woman, freely given without fear or pressure. When such a consent is given, a marriage bond is created and sealed by God. The covenant between the spouses is integrated into God’s covenant with humanity – the married couple is caught up in divine love. (CCC 1639) The consent is received by a priest or deacon on behalf of the Church, and witnessed by members of the body of Christ. Witnesses are necessary because, although marriage is a covenant between two people and God, it is also an ecclesial order, creating rights and duties in the Church. (CCC 1631) Faithful married couples represent and witness to the fidelity of God to his covenant, of Christ to his Church. As part of this covenant, married couples express love in a unique, intimate union between two people. In that love, a husband and wife give themselves to each other in total generosity and joy. God has blessed this love and made it honorable and noble. From the union of married persons comes the supreme gift of marriage – children. (GS 49) In the act of becoming parents, married couples cooperate in the very act of God’s creation. In raising a family, they create a place where different generations come together and help one another to grow in wisdom – the family is the basis for society. (GS 52) It is critical that married people witness to the beauty of God’s love for all humanity by the beauty of their own relationships. By its very nature, marriage is “an indissoluble compact between two people and the good of the children demand that the mutual love of the partners be properly shown, that it should grow and mature. Even in cases where ... there are no children, marriage still retains its character of being a whole manner and communion of life. ...” (GS 50) – Elizabeth Solsburg
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let go – and let God take care of it. the miracle of forgiveness f r o m
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opens the way to freedom for happiness. Forgiveness depends on letting go. In the Genesis story of Joseph, God teaches about forgiveness and letting go. Joseph’s hateful and jealous brothers sell him to slavers. Years later, a famine causes them to seek food in Egypt and appear before Joseph. When Joseph, moved to tears, reveals himself, they fear the worst. His words are deeply moving, “Come closer, I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt.” Joseph flings himself on the neck of Benjamin and weeps. He kisses all his brothers, crying Ten issues of our 2005 FAITH are designed to shed light over each. Read more about this miracle in Genesis 37-45. on miracles, but cannot and will not exhaust this mystery. These are some examples of God letting go – in Isaiah, Let’s plumb the depths of a profound miracle that can transthe Lord says “ ... though your sins be like scarlet, they may form our lives. It is absolutely necessary for human happibecome white as snow. Though they be crimson red, they ness. It is the miracle of forgiveness. may become white as snow.” Micah, the prophet, says, “You It is both divine and human when God and we are linked. will cast into the depths of the sea all our sins.” In The miracle of forgiveness works manifold wonders in those Jeremiah, the Lord speaks, “I will forgive their evildoing and who forgive and those who are forgiven. The life-giving power remember their sin no more.” Hezekiah prayed, “You have of forgiveness is so utterly decisive for us that, without it, we preserved my life from destruction, when you cast behind commit spiritual suicide. Refusing to forgive your back all my sins.” denies happiness to oneself and others. Jesus brings the miracle of divine forgiveness to Letting go can be Shakespeare describes those who reject the its fullness and invites us in. Not surprisingly, this called a miracle. It miracle of forgiveness. In A Midsummer Night’s miracle is about letting go. The word Jesus uses breaks down the Dream, the sprite Puck says, “What fools these for “forgive” is remarkable. The word he speaks fences and opens mortals be.” Yes, we are fools when we spurn the way to freedom when he says, “Forgive us our trespasses as we and withhold the miracle of forgiveness. Its like for happiness. forgive...” and “If you do not the ‘40s hit – Don’t Fence Me In. Instead of being Forgiveness depends forgive others, neither will free to “ride the wide open country,” we fence your Father forgive you,” is on letting go. ourselves into prisons of our own choosing and the same word used when making. We fence ourselves in when we stubbornly cling to the Apostles ‘let go’ their boats and nets our hatred, anger and grudges; when we are driven by and followed Jesus. It is also the word revenge. We feed and even cherish this poison that sours and used to describe the moment stifles ourselves and others. We flaunt it openly to justify our- when Jesus ‘let go’ (gave up) his selves. We foolishly hang on to the venom. Like the lyrics Spirit and died. Yes, forgiveness “just turn me loose,” forgiveness is about letting go. is letting go. Jesus sums it up in Here’s a very sad and tragic true story. There’s no happy end- the parable of the merciless ing because two people would not let go. Bad family gossip debtor. His debt was astronomand backbiting from close friends clouded and spoiled the first ical and could never be paid, meeting of these women. There was instant dislike. Despite yet the master ‘let go’ the their attempts, they were not always able to avoid or ignore entire debt. (Matt18) each other. Over time, an icy unfriendliness grew into hatred, Peter asked, “How often bitterness and contempt. After years of spite and meanness, must I forgive my brother? this sad case took a tragic turn to a brutal climax. It was a poiSeven times?” Jesus replied, son pen letter – hot with anger, resentment and blame. The “No, not seven times; I say, last words were, “I will never forget and intend never to see seventy times seven times.” you again.” The recipient kept and treasured the letter and That is the miracle of often used it to justify herself. The reader can fill in the rest. forgiveness. Sadly, the rest of these two women’s lives were ruled by the poison pen letter. Both were foolishly fenced in. Letting – Most Rev. Carl F. Mengeling is the fourth go can be called a miracle. It breaks down the fences and bishop of Lansing www.FAITHmag.com
J. Luning
iracles of all kinds are as abundant and different as people. Yet most agree about the miracles that abound in our lives. We speak of the “miracle of life.” Indeed, each of our lives unfolds in a miraculous universe and by the power of divine miracles.
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“The difference between me and most people is that they have faith [in God]. I just know.” – Frank Bolak
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n October 16, 1971, Frank Bolak was riding his motorcycle to his wedding shower. Frank was the picture of invincible youth, cruising along on his Vespa Super Sport bike. As he approached an intersection, the car in the next lane swerved. At almost the same instant, a Rambler barreled through the stop sign from his left, hitting Frank’s motorcycle and trapping him and the bike under the car. The driver continued down the road,
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dragging Frank beneath the vehicle. After about 300 feet, she stopped, threw the vehicle into reverse, and backed up. Frank, still trapped, endured every inch. When she returned to the intersection, the woman put her car in park and climbed out. Frank’s broken body flopped out from underneath. She walked around to where he lay, nudged him with her foot to see if he was still alive, then climbed back into her car and drove away.
By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by James Luning
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Cover Story
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n shock, Frank felt no pain, although his mind raced. His dislodged helmet covered the right half of his face, so he tried to shift it back into position, but found he couldn’t move. For the first time since he was hit, Frank opened his left eye. He saw his foot lying against his cheek.
Frank’s shattered left leg, still attached to his dislocated knee and hip, was wrapped over his neck. His neck and back were broken and he was hemorrhaging internally. He came to as he felt his body being loaded into the back of a police car. On the way to the hospital, Frank’s heart stopped. He slipped into a coma that lasted three weeks. During this time, Frank’s doctors staunched his internal bleeding, repositioned his leg and administered numerous blood transfusions. The day before Thanksgiving, Frank endured one more surgery to rebuild his mangled left leg. His orthopedic surgeon operated successfully, then departed for the long weekend. Frank remained immobilized in the hospital, as pain from his injuries ravaged his body. As the weekend progressed, Frank’s pain grew more intense and seemed to be spreading up from his leg. When the doctor unrolled Frank’s bandages on Monday, he found massive gangrene. The doctor told Frank he would have to amputate his leg to try to save his life. Swearing, he left the room to prepare for an emergency amputation. As Frank lay in his bed in excruciating pain, he lost hope for the first time. He told his roommate that he was done. “It’s over, George.” Then, says Frank, he died. Immediately, he felt he was above the bed in his room. He watched as his roommate ran down the hall to the nurses’ station, pleading with someone to help. In the next instant, Frank was moving at what seemed the speed of sound. For about a minute, he felt himself soaring, though the surrounding darkness betrayed no movement. Frank describes this journey as “an enlightenment of thought,” moving him toward some point – intensely focused on a March 2005
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destination he no longer remembers. Then just as suddenly as he started, Frank stopped. “Like I was on a tether and the line had run out,” Frank recalls, “my forward motion just stopped. I tried to keep going, but something was blocking my way. I willed myself forward to push on when suddenly a loud, determined voice boomed all around me. All it said was, ‘NO.’ Then, as if at the speed of light, I was slammed back into my body.” “There was no more pain,” Frank
said. “I felt heavy and a little numb, but I knew immediately that my body was fine. Jenny, a candy-striper student at the hospital, was holding my hand and crying. I opened my eyes, looked at her and asked, ‘What are you crying for?’ She fainted.” Frank chuckles, “A minute later the doctor came in, looked at me and said, ‘He’s back. Good God, he’s back!’ I found out later I had been dead for about 20 minutes.” Frank’s doctor told him he would do the surgery immediately so Frank didn’t end up like that again. Frank told him there was no need. Though the doctor persisted, Frank calmly assured him he would keep his leg. The gangrene was gone, he said, and he lifted his blankets. Frank says the holes where the gangrene had eaten away his flesh were healthy pink and his leg showed no sign of infection. Four
“I believe that during my out-of-body experience I was given a second chance to do something different with my life.”
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weeks later, Frank walked out of the hospital to celebrate Christmas Eve. Frank went on with his life, rarely thinking about his ordeal or the various players in it. He enjoyed success as a mechanic and got married. He and his wife, Laurie, lived comfortable, though somewhat superficial, lives in their early marriage. When they welcomed their first child, Frank and Laurie decided they wanted a strong faith life for their new son. They attended a variety of churches before settling at St. Joseph Shrine in 1980. About the same time, Frank embarked on a career selling tools. As part of his professional development, his district sales manager encouraged him to attend a career-development seminar that included back-to-back weekends of intensive life-examination exercises and goal setting. Sitting in the front row at his second weekend session, Frank suddenly felt God’s presence within. In another “enlightenment of thought,” Frank realized God was guiding him, helping him understand his life experience clearly. From his turbulent childhood to the accident and its aftermath, God guided Frank to look honestly at each life experience – many for the first time. Sitting in the seminar, Frank sobbed uncontrollably. Oblivious to the training around him, Frank cried with God over the next two hours. In a later exercise, Frank listed 50 lifetime goals. To his surprise, many of his goals related to church and community service. He returned home to his family and set about achieving each item on his list. In the years since, Frank has used his guidance to touch countless lives around him. His personal trials haven’t stopped – he’s now fighting hepatitis C. Yet he has translated his experience and knowledge of God into an extraordinary life of service. For example, he has: • led hundreds of young men through www.FAITHmag.com
“It’s OK to make mistakes. But it’s not OK to leave those mistakes unfixed.”
the ranks of Scouting, of the Year and more. • provided myriad 10th-graders with a Looking back over his amazing story, solid religious education at St. Joseph Frank pauses for a moment, then says, Shrine, “I believe that during my out-of-body • inspired thousands of adults at speak- experience I was given a second chance ing engagements throughto do something different out the country, with my life. “I’m a lowly • served his community “I’m a lowly mechanic,” mechanic,” Frank through Kiwanis, Frank smiles. “I fix things smiles. “I fix things • trained many auto for a living. Now I help for a living. Now I mechanics in the trade he help others take others take the tools they’re so loves, and given and make concrete the tools they’re • raised a beautiful family achievements in life.” given and make with his beloved Laurie. Frank continues, “It’s OK concrete achieveHis lifetime achievement ments in life.” to make mistakes. We all awards testify to his tremendo. We’re human. But it’s dous success. They include the Silver not OK to leave those mistakes Beaver Award and St. George Award, unfixed, because clutter builds up in Scouting honors, The American Legion our lives when we avoid responsibility Award of Merit, Citizen of the Century for our mistakes.” for the Onsted community, Kiwanian He smiles again, “I know.” m i n i s t r y
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How can you comfort the sick? If you are interested in making hospital visits or taking Communion to patients, call your parish and ask about their ministry to the sick and homebound. If you would like a visit from a priest or parish minister when you are hospitalized, make sure to alert your parish that you will be in the hospital, or have a friend or relative call for you. Under current regulations, hospitals are limited in the information they can release – and your pastor may not be advised that you are in the hospital.
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both of their spouses died: how Frank and Barbara grieved – and then found a new life with each other him through. He didn’t expect to remarry; he assumed that his life would go on with his children and with the math department. Frank likens the grieving process to detoxification. “You can’t grieve all at once. It has to be worked out over a long period. There were times I would be driving in my car on a perfectly normal day, and suddenly something would trigger my emotions. I would have to pull over and cry my heart out.”
Frank and Barbara found joy after grief.
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hen Barbara’s husband, John Riordan, died in May 1994, she knew she would never marry again. “We had something extremely beautiful, and it was over.” The end John had developed a brain tumor fifteen years earlier. “Initially, it caused seizures,” Barbara says. “Then the last six or seven years it became increasingly serious. I cared for him at home most of that time, with the help of hospice in the last days.” Though Barbara knew her husband’s death was coming, she was still numb when he died. “I didn’t know what I would do with my life. I had no sense of the future, of goals, of planning for tomorrow. I figured I would be single and with my family.” “John died the night of our March 2005
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[youngest] son John’s high school honors convocation,” she says. All I could think about was getting him through his graduation and then through college. Apart from that I had no purpose. I couldn’t even get interested in finishing my master’s in pastoral ministry, although I had only a paper to complete.” For Frank, the scenario was similar. Doctors discovered in 1984 that his wife, Betty Anne, had a rare lung disease. “She was determined to beat it, but it was like being strangled to death over ten years. The last few years she needed an oxygen tank.”
Frank says he was so busy being a dad (the two youngest of his four children were still at home), teaching math at the University of Michigan Dearborn and caring for his wife, that he didn’t have time to think a lot about death. Besides, they both were holding out hope for a lung transplant. Betty Anne died in March 1994, two months before John. “It was a Monday,” Frank recalls. “The funeral was Thursday, the interment on Friday and I was back in class on Monday. I have no idea what I said in the lectures, but I had to get out of the house. Otherwise, I would have stood there staring at the walls all day.” Like Barbara’s focus on her son, Frank’s focus on teaching was a big factor in getting
The beginning After a while, Barbara’s pastor, Fr. Roger Prokop, asked her to help with the bereavement ministry at St. Thomas Parish in Ann Arbor, where Frank was also a member. They talked often. “The emphasis wasn’t on us,” Barbara says. “We never thought of our friendship as romantic. It was just more comfortable to talk with him than with anyone else I knew.” “It seemed, though, that the Lord had other plans,” Frank says. One night, Barbara was at Frank’s house for dinner. At some point, he put on a musical-parody CD. “We both laughed, for the first time in a long time,” Barbara says. “It felt good.” Fr. Roger encouraged Barbara to begin entertaining again, something she enjoyed, but hadn’t done in a long time. So she arranged a dinner party, inviting Fr. Roger, Frank and some other friends. The day before the party, Frank and Barbara were
By Bob Horming | Photography by Christine Jones
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out of work part 2: three areas to focus on m i n m i si tn r i ys t fr oy c uf o s c u s
Beginning Experience – A Weekend Away for a Lifetime of Change The loss of a loved one through separation, divorce, or death is one of life’s most traumatic experiences. It can result in nearly unbearable feelings of loneliness and grief. Beginning Experience is a weekend program to help grieving single-again persons move from the darkness of their grief into the light of a new beginning and to see the future with renewed hope. For more information, visit www.beginningexperience.org or call toll-free (866) 610-8877. talking when he tentatively took compared to the happiness and her hand. He recalls that “it felt help they brought to one anothodd at first to hold another er. Frank says, “It’s nice to have woman’s hand after 29 years of a companion to share life and marriage. ... After that evening, goals with. I know that if I hadwe finally realized that we were n’t married Barbara, for falling in love.” instance, I would never have Fr. Roger, who had presided become a deacon. I would have at the funerals of their spouses, been too caught up in teaching observed the development of and day-to-day living.” their relationship. “Although After having to do everything neither one was searching for a herself for so many years, new partner, they Barbara likes the naturally flowed from “A lot of us close fact they can help friendship to love. A to them saw the each other. “We direction they lot of us close to can even do minthem saw the direc- were headed, istry together. tion they were head- though they them- And it selves were ed, though they was unaware. ... It was Frank themselves were touching to see.” who unaware. ... It was touching to see.” encourAt the party, Frank ended up aged me to finish my staying longer than everyone master’s program else. After helping clean up, he when he found out I surprised Barbara by proposonly had a little left ing, and she surprised herself to do.” by immediately saying “yes.” When Frank is They married on April 27, asked how long he has 1996. been married to Then came the inevitable Barbara, he replies not adjustment. They both laugh in years, but in days. thinking about it. “Between us, The day I interviewed we brought together over a them, he told me, withcentury of life, so we had out stopping to count, things to work out,” Frank that they had been says. “It’s not like marrying married 3079 days. when you’re young and have “I keep track no established habits.” because every one has The adjustments were slight been precious,” he says. www.FAITHmag.com
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eing out of work, or as many like to call it, “in career transition,” is one of the more traumatic experiences in life. It's a roller coaster ride of hopes raised and dashed. Recently, I’ve spent time with people in career transition; following are some of their struggles and suggestions about how faith cannot only help us cope in times of traumatic transition, but even grow. First, there’s a financial impact; we all worry about the well-being of our families and the future. The solution to this is one of the toughest leaps of faith we can make as human beings. The Gospel of Matthew shows us the way – “if you seek first God’s kingdom, you will receive what you need; do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.” (cf. Matt 6:32-34) It’s easy in this situation to turn inward and focus your energy only on helping yourself. Trust in God means that you can let go of self-concern and seek first to serve others. Many reported that when they did this, they received what they needed when they needed it. Secondly, self-esteem takes a beating after a few rejections. The best way to deal with this is to heed the Prayer of St. Francis – “…grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console … for it is in giving that we receive …” In other words, help others who are in a similar situation. This helps you see that you are not alone; there are many good, smart people out there who haven't found the right fit yet either. Additionally, you lose yourself by helping others through the process. Finally, it feels like something is missing spiritually. The reason for this feeling is that work is a fundamental part of who we are. As the Second Vatican Council states, “… by their labor they [men and women] are unfolding the Creator’s work.“ (Gaudiem et Spes 34) When we treat our work as a means to serve others rather than simply a means to achieve material security, we feel rewarded. -Tim Ryan
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after her lung transplant God breathed new life into Sue’s soul how she learned to trust in God invigorating her faith and inspiring her to find purpose and meaning on an unexpected journey. “I was a person who put a lot of value on being productive. My work was my life. I never married, so I really immersed myself in my job,” Sue says. “My illness forced me to redefine who I thought I was. I had to find my self-worth in something else.” Her transplant experience put Sue on a journey to discover God’s true purpose for her. “I realize I have touched thousands of people through this experience,” she says. “It’s a journey that keeps growing and growing.” Sue’s lung disease was diagnosed in 1990, at 32, when she finally was referred “I was a control freak. I had heard it was a good thing to let God take to a pulmonary specialist. Earlier, doctors control of your life but I didn’t know how to do that.” had assumed she suffered from asthma and bronchitis, typical diagnoses for her ue Ramseth has spent condition. “On average, it takes seven years before an accurate diagnosis is many a dark night made,” Sue explains. Once identified, wondering about God’s plan there is little that can be done to treat One dark night, emphysema. The disease destroys elastins for her life. Alone in her in the lungs that enable the organs to conhome, she’s wept and wortract and expand. The effect is suffocating. fired with love's ried while questioning the By 1995, her health deteriorated so badly that she was put on the waiting list for a meaning of her suffering. urgent longings Yet even when God seemed lung transplant. And then she waited. A year later, in an effort to improve to want Sue to breathe easy, functioning in the healthier portions of - ah, the sheer grace! she was gasping for air. Sue her lungs, Sue underwent lung reduction surgery. The operation was successful, but Ramseth had emphysema. four months later, Sue contracted pneuI went out unseen, monia. She recovered, but the illness left Before receiving a double lung transher unable to work. plant in 1998, Sue’s lung capacity had my house being “This is when my spiritual journey diminished to less than 20 became really active,” Sue percent. Suffering from a says. “I began to question “Would you still now all stilled. genetic form of emphysema, feel you were ‘why am I going through this she couldn’t walk from her if just for a transplant?’ I God’s if you house to her car without remember standing in my never get your becoming breathless and transplant?” Sue kitchen in what felt like a batSt. John of the Cross, fatigued. Inside her body, tle for my life, sliding down said, “yes.” Stanzas of the Soul Sue’s lungs degenerated to to the floor, telling God ‘I dead tissue. don’t understand.’” But as her lungs wasted away, Sue says At the time, Sue was trying to learn to God breathed new life into her soul, let God take control of her life. “I was a
S
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By Marybeth Hicks | Photography by Tom Gennara
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“For nine weeks, I felt God had left me,” Sue says. “If there was a God but he didn’t want me, what was the point of living and dying?” It was this sense of total abandonment that caused her to beg God to return. “I said, ‘I can’t stand it any more. Please come back to me.’ But I realized he had been with me all along.”
control freak. I had heard it was a good thing to let God take control of your life but I didn’t know how to do that.” What came next was an experience she calls a “God thing.” As she sat on the floor, her refrigerator simply died. “I started saying, ‘Please Lord, I have no money, I can’t move this thing to clean it, I have no help.’” What followed was a full-scale temper tantrum. “I started yelling at God and then I sat on my couch with a phone book and decided I had no choice but to buy a new refrigerator.” Just then, with no explanation, it restarted. “The weird thing was, I had left the circuit breaker off,” Sue says. “I decided if God was going to run my refrigerator, I’d let him take charge of my life.” Sue related to St. Paul, a strong, forceful person who became physically weaker, even as his faith became stronger and more evident throughout his letters. “I began to contemplate why God would take a strong person like me and make me so weak I could hardly function.” Sue’s journey brought her to a Christian bookstore in December of 1997, where she found a book called What Does God Want? “I figured that was a good place to start,” she laughs. At the same time, she ordered Cardinal Bernardin’s book, The Gift of Faith. Sue read it in one sitting. “I had been struggling to make a total commitment to Jesus,” she says. “That book prompted me to say it out loud – ‘God, I still don’t know what you want of me, but whatever it is, I’m yours.’” “I remember getting ready for bed, and feeling myself in a conversation with the Holy Spirit. I felt he was asking me questions and I answered out loud.” “Would you still feel you were God’s if you never get your transplant?” Sue said, “yes.” “Would you still feel you were God’s if you have the transplant and it doesn’t go well?” Sue said, “yes.” “Will you still feel you are God’s if www.FAITHmag.com
the transplant is successful?” Sue said, “yes” again. At 4:27 that morning, the phone rang and a voice said, “This is Jenny from the University of Michigan Hospital and this is the call you’ve been waiting for.” What followed was one of U of M’s best transplant success stories. Home after only seven days, Sue set their record for a speedy post-operative recovery. She began a strict exercise program, building up to a 12-mile bike ride, an hour of calisthenics and a three-mile walk every day. But what looked like a medical miracle was not to be. “It was so discouraging,” Sue recalls. “In 1998, I lived like an athlete in training, but by 1999 I felt my disease was back.” o r g a n
ing and dying?” It was this sense of total abandonment that caused her to beg God to return. “I said, ‘I can’t stand it any more. Please come back to me.’ But I realized he had been with me all along. The devil can make you believe God has left you, but he never does. He is completely faithful.” Regaining her spiritual center, Sue devoted herself to getting well. She quit the few activities she had tried to maintain, such as volunteering at her parish, and instead gave herself permission to rest and regain her strength. “One day, I realized I was a bit stronger. I could begin to go out and tinker in the yard,” Sue says. This was a major accomplishment after days and weeks of bed rest.
d o n a t i o n
“Organ donation after death is a noble and meritorious act and is to be encouraged as an expression of generous solidarity.” (CCC 2296) There is no greater gift you can share than the gift of life. Becoming an organ and tissue donor costs you nothing, yet reaps dividends forever. Talk to your family about your decision, sign the back of your driver’s license, and visit www.tsm-giftoflife.org for more information. Trips to the hospital and nearly three years of diagnostic investigation brought no answers, only skepticism on the part of her trusted physician. Through Sue’s persistence, her doctor finally discovered the cause – side effects from the anti-rejection drugs. Her struggle to find the cause of her ongoing illness brought Sue to a new low point. “I had been so sure of God, so sure he was with me, but I came to feel he had abandoned me,” she says. Her spiritual struggle recalled St. John’s “dark night of the soul.” “For nine weeks, I felt God had left me,” Sue says. “If there was a God but he didn’t want me, what was the point of liv-
Her journey brought her to a new place, out of darkness and into the light of understanding that God’s will for her meant sharing her experience with others. “I realize while I may not be able to go out into the world much, God sends me people and I’m certain I am put on their path for a reason.” These days, she stays connected to the world and her parish through her computer, serving as the volunteer Web master for St. Joseph Shrine. She also finds reasons to tell her story to show others the hand of God at work. Sue takes a long, leisurely breath and asks, “What would be the point of going through all this if not to help others?”
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your marriage matters Digital Vision
a continuing series to help you strengthen your marriage
4 things to consider before going into debt m o n e y
t i p
What makes debt so powerful is that once there, it’s a beast that GROWS. Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world! Add up the cost of your home over the 30 years it takes you to own it outright. It’s an oppressive thought. Add to that repeating debts, like cars. By the time you make the last payment, it’s time to consider a new car. Then consider revolving debt – credit cards. Revolving because the credit line is always available to you. While you pay it down, you add to it by charging more, often never realizing a zero balance. 4 things to consider before going into debt: 1 Debt is a necessary evil. 2 Married couples must agree that each borrowing is within the family’s means and philosophy. 3 Will our family gain more by entering into that debt? 4 Further, any debt should fall within your Catholic value framework – the service of that debt must not compromise the priorities of your life – following Jesus’ teachings. – John Morris
making time for prayer start at the dinner table t i m e
m a t t e r s
Patrick Peyton, CSC, the “Rosary Priest” and Catholic media pioneer, had a famous motto – “The family that prays together stays together.” Prayer is communication at its finest. Praying openly together enriches not only your relationship with God, but also with your spouse. Start with a verbal prayer of thanksgiving when you sit down to eat. If you don’t know the formal prayers before meals – make one up. Those are the best kind anyway. When comfortable with meal prayers, add night prayers before retiring. Start by simply giving thanks to God for a loving spouse and for the gift of life.
are you too busy for your marriage? take this quiz c o n n e c t i n g
Do you know the number one reason for marriage break-ups? It’s not because the spouses fell out of love, or because they’re not compatible, or one of them is a “jerk,” or they’ve just “drifted apart.” No, it’s because the marriage relationship is not a priority and they don’t spend the time needed to make it grow. Marriage and family life need to be intentional – that’s the message in Dr. William Doherty’s best-selling books, Take Back Your Marriage and Take Back Your Kids: Confident Parenting in Turbulent Times. The Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University also conducted a lengthy study about why marriages fail in the first five years. You guessed it – time or the lack of it, especially as it related to balancing jobs and family life.
Time Tip: Stop! Do you really need to join that organization? Cutting down on memberships frees up your schedule, reduces your mail and eliminates many unnecessary conversations. Regularly evaluate your associations to see whether they’re worth the time.
Remember, your relationship is the heart of your marriage vocation. The house, the car, the career are just peripherals. Ask yourself these tough questions to get back on track: • Am I satisfied with the direction of our marriage? • Are we each putting enough quality time into our relationship and our family? • What weeds have grown up around our life together that are choking our relationship? • What two things can we agree to give up or modify to create more time for each other and our family?
Time tips from Time Tips for Catholics by Dave Durand
– Tony Sperendi
– Tom and JoAnne Fogle
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Rejuvenate your marriage! Attend a World-Wide Marriage Encounter weekend – Mar. 5 - Mar. 7, Hampton Inn, Lansing. Call (877) 743-3615 or visit www.wwme.org for more information p r a y e r
m o m e n t
She: There are so many decisions to make, so many different things we value at the same time. He: Help us to discern the greatest good in the midst of turmoil. Help us to do the next thing that needs to be done, regardless of how we feel. Together: Bring your peace, which surpasses understanding, to rest on our house and all who come and go here. Be our anchor and lifeline. Amen. – Pat Nischan
Family In Crisis Prayer She: Father, we come to you for help. We are beset by problems we can’t face alone. He: You know us each through and through. You know our thoughts before we think them. Help us discern, with the help of your Holy Spirit, what we should do in this situation.
the stages of romance r o m a n c e
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In marriage, as with all things, change is a constant. In our 12 years of being involved with marriage ministries, we have met some very special couples who have kept the romance alive in spite of life’s changes. Here are a few observations about the role romance plays at different stages and how those couples adapted: Newly married couples experience the energized romance of their dating years when they communicate well and continue to learn more about each other. Happy newlyweds settle into marriage with realistic expectations and understand each other’s role in the relationship. Their early adjustments to married life include large doses of patience and acceptance. They are careful about relying on physical closeness as their only expression of intimacy. They establish healthy habits and patterns of behavior, like praying together. Family-building couples know well the difficulty of finding time for marital bliss amidst the frenzy of child rearing. These creative couples learn to adapt early and approach romance with spontaneity and flexibility. They have a greater sensitivity to each other’s fluctuating sexual needs. Selfish attitudes are put away. Good communication, time management and an active faith life are crucial for their success. – Rick and Diane Peiffer
Next month: Empty-nest and older couples
a cry for help what to do when someone is suicidal t h e
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somber atmosphere was evident as soon as I entered my classroom. Several college students who were typically boisterous had serious expressions on their faces. They told me that an acquaintance from high school had died by suicide. They were trying to understand the tragedy of a life that ended prematurely, searching their memories to see how his anguish had become unendurable. Each year in the United States there are about 30,000 suicides. What are some of the warning signs of suicide? What are some ways that family and friends can respond? Warning signs • Verbal warning signs need to be taken seriously. Examples: “Life just can’t go on like this.” or “I’m going to end it all.” • Previous suicidal behavior. • National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) research reveals that more than 90% of those who die by suicide have depression or another diagnosable mental or substance abuse disorder. Common warning signs include depression, abuse of drugs or alcohol, or reckless behavior. • Preoccupation with death and suicide expressed through poetry or stories. • Giving away cherished possessions. • Lack of energy and disturbed sleep. • Extremes of behavior or changes in behavior. • Rejections and loneliness; feelings of helplessness and a loss of self-worth. Ways to respond. • Stay with the person if he or she is in crisis and it seems there is an immediate risk. Call the family doctor or 9-1-1. Go to the nearest hospital emergency room. NIMH lists the 24-hour National Hopeline Network at 1-800SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433). Call it to be connected to a trained counselor at a nearby crisis center. • Listen attentively. It might be tempting to provide the “Big Picture” and give advice that seems to put everything into perspective, but the timing isn’t right for this kind of help. • Don’t minimize the problems a person is facing. To hear, “You are 16, could things really be that bad? Cheer up,” will block communication. When the individual is already depressed or has been abusing substances, then additional risk factors, such as the loss of an important relationship or academic struggles, do seem like unendurable situations. What about the students mourning their friend? Our catechism says, “We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.” (CCC #2383) – Dr. Cathleen McGreal T. Gennara
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where are you, Lord? what to do when you can’t find God in prayer s p i r i t u a l
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difficulty, said “yes.” For the next year she experienced an intense union with Jesus. As St. Paul said, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” She was immersed in a river of joy. But then it all ended. As Mother Teresa began her work in Calcutta, she no longer heard Jesus speak to her. Her inner consolation was gone. There followed 50 years of darkness and spiritual dryness. She experienced doubt, and a feeling of deep abandonment by God. He seemed absent, heaven empty, and her own suffering seemed to count for nothing. It was “... just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me, of God not being God, of God not really existing.” Amazingly, only a few people knew of her struggle! She continued to do God’s will without any sense of Mother Teresa experienced 50 years of spiritual darkness and doubt consolation or help. She continued to make the world a Mother Teresa responded. She more beautiful place by her eeling nothing in prayer lately? Has was afraid and uncertain. faith, hope and deep love. the well run dry? Do you pray and Repeatedly he asked her, “Wilt Mother Teresa persevered feel like you’re just talking to yourself? thou refuse? You have become in her intense prayer life even though she felt nothHave you ever been tempted to think that my spouse for my love. You have come to ing. She lived God doesn’t even exist? India for me. The As tough as spiri- Jesus’ word. She thirst you had for tual darkness is, discovered Jesus Darjeeling when she heard Could you imagine it hapsouls brought you understanding and loved him in Jesus call her to serve the pening to Mother Teresa of that it has a pur- the distressing so far. Are you Calcutta? It did. It can happen poorest of the poor in afraid now to take pose can help us disguise of the Calcutta. She experienced a to anyone! one more step for get through it. poor. She knew locution and vision. A locuIn 1942, while on her your spouse, for him in the tion is when a person hears annual retreat, Mother Teresa me, for souls?” And again, “I Eucharist. She loved him in the voice of God, either interi- want Indian nuns, made a vow to give herself everyone she met. Mother completely to Christ – “To orly or physically. Mother Missionaries of Charity, who Teresa was not declared Teresa said she actually heard give God anything that he would be my fire of love blessed because she had the voice of Jesus and saw may ask ... not to refuse him amongst the poor, the sick, great experiences in prayer him. “Wouldst thou not help?” the dying, and the little chilanything.” Four years later, but because she practiced she was on a train to Jesus asked her. “How can I?” dren ...” Mother Teresa, with heroic virtue.
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The experience of Mother Teresa teaches us that darkness and spiritual dryness are a normal part of our spiritual journey to God. In her case, theologians may see her spiritual darkness as a deep sharing in Jesus’ redemptive suffering. Her darkness brought Christ’s light to millions. Her dryness brought Christ’s dew to countless thirsting souls. She often said, “[I want] to quench Christ’s thirst for love and for souls.” So for us, as tough as spiritual darkness is, understanding that it has a purpose can help us get through it. Why does God allow this? Why does it happen? Mostly because God loves us so much that he wills us perfect happiness. We can only be perfectly happy if we are in union with God. So, when we put other things before God in our lives, we shortchange ourselves. We miss out. It is actually possible for someone to become attached to spiritual highs. We can get attached to the emotional
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Spiritual Exercise – dealing with dryness
feelings of prayer. If that happens, prayer has lost its focus. We are praying for the comfort rather than for union with the source of all comfort – God. Spiritual dryness is God’s remedy for this. God brings us into the desert to “dry out” from the things that are not of God. Scripture says Jesus was anointed with the Spirit and the Spirit led Jesus into the desert. God also led the people of Israel into the desert but was very much with them. This may be one of the most difficult things for us to understand. We are in a society that says if you are not feeling well, take a pill. But for spiritual fit-
1 Spiritual dryness is meant to purify us. If one is going through a time of dryness, it is a good thing to examine one’s conscience. I have known situations where dryness was directly related to sin. A person sinned and got off the path to Jesus, and then they lost the feeling that God was with them. Sin separates us from God, so this is a very real experience. Dryness in this case leads to deeper repentance. Pray for contrition and sorrow for the sin. The sacrament of reconciliation can lift this kind of dryness quickly. 2 Spiritual dryness can be a symptom of mediocrity or lukewarmness in our spiritual life. Sometimes dryness occurs because one is not praying. Allow the dryness to tug you to a deeper, more fervent relationship with God. Renew your commitment to God in a formal way. Retreats can be very helpful. Sign up for the FAITH Retreat. Now, if one is not aware of any serious moral defect and one is still experiencing dryness in prayer, then God is purifying in a deeper way. Persevere in prayer! Remain firm in faith. Make time for prayer and keep it. You may have to change how you are praying. The goal is not to end the dryness, but to do God’s will – to love what God loves – and to serve as God calls us to serve. I would suggest getting some spiritual direction. St Francis Retreat Center in DeWitt may be able to help you find a spiritual director in your area. Read St. John of the Cross, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Francis de Sales or other saints who have experience with dryness. There are good books available from authors who have worked as spiritual directors for many years. When the Well Runs Dry, by Thomas Green, S. J., is a good book for this subject. Remember, dryness in prayer could be the very thing God wills for you in order to help you grow. Do not lose heart.
ness, we need to realize that God is at work in us especially during the dry times. If we accept these dry times and are true to the Gospel, Jesus promises that rivers of living water will flow from us.
“Whoever drinks the water that I give will never thirst; no, the water I give shall become a fountain within leaping up to provide eternal life.”(Jn 3:14) – Fr. Bill Ashbaugh
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n the dark days of winter, when the light is low and Lent is upon us, it’s easy to allow despair to overtake us and to forget that this season of self-reflection and repentance will lead us to a new life with the risen Lord. One way to underscore this lesson is to coax spring bulbs to bloom – a process called “forcing” – before the snow even leaves your lawn. All you need to gather are bulbs, soil enhancements and a pot with a drainage hole. There are many types of bulbs you can plant. Amaryllis bulbs are the easiest; they don’t require a dormant period. And narcissi do well with just two weeks in a cool, dark place. Other bulbs require a bit more time to rest; crocuses, grape hyacinths, and freesias will need four to six weeks, tulips and hyacinths eight to ten weeks, and daffodils about 12 to 14 weeks. 1. Pick a pot of any material that is at least twice as tall as the bulbs you’re using – that way you’ll be sure to have room for the roots to develop properly. Wash the pot and place a shard over the drainage hole to prevent the soil from washing out. 2. Using a porous potting mix – made of equal parts vermiculite, peat moss and packaged potting soil. Fill the pot halfway, then place the bulbs on top as close together as possible. Lightly add more soil to cover the bulbs, letting their “noses” stick out. 3. Place the potted bulbs in the vegetable crisper of your refrigerator. Don’t store fruit and vegetables in the crisper at the same time; they give off ethylene gas that can damage the bulbs. 4. Water the bulbs every two or three weeks, or whenever the soil dries out. When roots are visible through the drainage hole and stems are about two inches high, the bulbs are ready to remove from the refrigerator. 5. Place the pot in a cool, sunny room, ideally at a temperature of 55 to 65 degrees. Warmer temperatures may cause the plants to have weak stems. 6. Keep the soil moist and give the pot a quarter turn every day to keep the stems straight as the plants turn toward the light. Within days (for the shorter flowers), blossoms will open and beautifully illustrate the lasting lesson of the Resurrection.
to live again forcing bulbs and branches reminds us that a new life with the Lord is coming.
a prayer to plant by Dear Lord, like the bulbs we plant, we descend into the depths of darkness to await your return. In the solitude of our souls, we reflect on our sins and repent for them. We make sacrifices in your name and are strengthened by them. You breathe life into us and around us, and sustain us through this solemn season. We look for you, we long for you, our resurrected Savior, our reborn King. Amen. March 2005
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By Patricia Majher | Photography by Phillip Shippert
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things to do Join FAITH Magazine and Fr. Bill Ashbaugh for the first FAITH Retreat at Bethany House in DeWitt, April 1-3, 2005. The cost is $141 per person and includes all meals. Contact Elizabeth Solsburg at (517) 342-2594 or esolsburg@dioceseoflansing.org to make reservations or acquire additional information. Join the parishioners of Cristo Rey Parish for their annual Stations of the Cross procession from the Capitol building in Lansing to the Cristo Rey Community Center. This mov-
ing event takes place on Good Friday, March 25 and begins at the Cristo Rey Community Center at 10 a.m. Introduction to Natural Family Planning is a required component of marriage preparation in the diocese. The course will be offered Monday, March 7 from 7:30-9 p.m., St. Thomas Aquinas Parish in East Lansing; Saturday, March 12 and Saturday, April 23 at 10 a.m., St. Joseph Hospital Women’s Health Center in Ann Arbor; and Wednesday, April 13 from 7-9 p.m., St. Mary Parish, Charlotte. Registration is required; call (517) 342-2587. There is a $20 per couple fee. Christians Concerned About Mental Illness meets the fourth Tuesday of each month in the Diocesan Center, Lansing from 12-1 p.m. The next meeting takes place March 22. Call JoAnn Davis at (517) 342-2500 to register or for more information.
march café events A workshop on parent baptism programs will take place Wednesday, Feb. 23 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. at St. Mary Parish, Chelsea. The workshop will include discussion on the meaning of the sacrament, canon law and available resources. Lunch is provided. To register, call Cathy Guinan at (734) 475-8164. St. Mary on the Lake Church, Manitou Beach, is offering Using the Bible with Different Age Levels on Sunday, March 6 and Sacraments on Sunday, April 10, both of which fulfill catechist formation credits. Classes are open to all interested persons and are held from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Call (517) 5477496 for more information.
Support our injured troops. Send cards and get-well wishes to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Dept. of Pastoral Services, CMR 402, APO AE 09180. Is your marriage breaking your heart? Retrouvaille can help. Weekends are scheduled March 4-6 and April 29May1. Call (313) 237-6052 for more information. Overview of the Catholic Faith, for engaged couples, is offered in Jackson : March Sundays, St. Mary, (517) 784-7184; April Wednesdays, St. John, (517) 784-0553. Call to register. Protecting God’s Children Awareness Sessions are
march readings
Sunday, March 6 Fourth Sunday of Lent 1 Sam 16:1b,6-7,10-13a Ps 23:1-6 Eph 5:8-14 John 9:1-41 or John 9:1,6-9,13-17,34-38 Sunday, March 13 Fifth Sunday of Lent Ezek 37:12-14 Ps 130:1-8 Rom 8:8-11 John 11:1-45 or John 11:3-7,17,20-27,33b-45 Sunday, March 20 Palm Sunday Matt 21-1-11 (procession) Isa 50:4-7 Ps 22:8-9,17-18,19-20,23-24 Phil 2:6-11 Matt 26:14-17,66 or Matt 27:11-54 Thursday, March 24 Holy Thursday (Chrism Mass) Isa 61:1-3a,6a,8b-9 Ps 89:21-22,25,27 Rev 1:5-8 Luke 4:16-21 (Mass of the Lord’s Supper) Exod 12:1-8,11-14 Ps 116:12-13,15-16bc,17-18 1 Cor 11:23-26 John 13:1-15
scheduled for March 10, 6:30 p.m. at St. Elizabeth Parish, Tecumseh and Queens School, Jackson. A Caregiver Retreat for persons with disAbilities will take place Saturday, April 23 at St.
Friday, March 25 Good Friday Isa 52:13-53:12 Ps 31:2,6,12-13,15,17,25 Heb 4:14-16;5:7-9 John 18:1-9:42 Saturday, March 26 Vigil of Easter Gen1:1-2:2 or Gen 1:1,26-31a Ps 104:1-2,5-6,10,12-14,24,35 or Ps 33:4-7,12-13,20,22 Gen 22:1-18 or Gen 22:1-2,9a,1013,15-18 Ps 16:5,8-11 Exod 14:15-15:1 (Ps) Exod 15:1-6, 17-18 Isa 54:5-14 Ps 30:2,4-6,11-12,13b Isa 55:1-11 (Ps) Isa 12:2-3,4-6 Bar 3:9-15,32-4:4 Ps 19:8-11 Ezek 36:16-17a,18-28 Pss 42:3,5;43:3-4 or, when baptism is celebrated, (Ps) Isa 12:2-3,4bcd,56 or Ps 51:12-15,18-19 Rom 6:3-11 Ps 118:1-2,16-17,22-23 Matt 28:1-10 Sunday, March 27 Easter Sunday Acts 10:34a,37-43 Ps 118:1-2,16-17,22-23 Col 3:1-4 or 1 Cor 5:6b-8 John 20:1-9 or Matt 28:1-10 or at an afternoon or evening Mass, Luke 24:13-35
Thomas the Apostle Parish, Ann Arbor. Retreats for caregivers and persons with disAbilities will be held simultaneously at 1:30 p.m. Call Joann Davis at (517) 3422500 to register or for more information.
Congratulations! Diane Dover from St. Joseph Shrine, Brooklyn, won our DVD Paul, Contending for the Faith for submitting a story idea in December. Irma Cayao of St. Jude Parish, DeWitt is our January Bible Quiz winner. She will receive an audio copy of Pope John Paul II’s book, Rise, Let Us Be On our Way. YOUR CHANCE TO WIN: Do you know someone with a compelling faith story? Drop us a line with their name and telephone number, and a brief description of the story. You could win a copy of the book, Saint Gianna Molla, the story of a young wife, doctor and mother who died in 1962. Send your ideas to Elizabeth Solsburg at esolsburg@dioceseoflansing.org
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the holiest days of the year how our church celebrates the paschal mystery y e a r
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he Triduum, the three days – everything in the Old Testament flows toward them, everything in the New Testament flows from them. They are the core matrix of all that is Christian. The Christian Bible comes from them – the church, the sacraments, the Mass, the priesthood – all that is Christian comes from them. Words cannot overemphasize their importance. The Triduum is one event spanning three days – Good Friday, we believe he has fulfilled his promises. Christ joined us into himHoly Saturday and Easter Sunday. It begins at the evening Mass of self and brings us with him in his triumph over death into eternal the Lord’s Supper on Holy Thursday. One celebrates the three days life. Christ, the mystical lamb who was slain, has, in his sacrificed not just by attending Holy Thursday’s celebration of the Lord’s body and blood, given his life over to us. He now takes us back to Supper, or by attending Good our Father in heaven. Finally, Friday’s liturgy (which is not a having over these three days Mass), or by simply going to entered into Christ’s Passover, the Easter Vigil liturgy. No, we are sent forth to bring its one celebrates the Triduum by power into our world. attending all three of those Water (baptism) and blood services. It’s all one liturgy! (the Eucharist) flowed from 1 Holy Thursday: Did you Christ’s pierced side when he ever notice that Holy was sacrificed on the altar of “Do this in memory of me.” Good Friday service. Thursday’s celebration of the the cross. His life flows out Lord’s Supper does not really into us now in his church’s end? There’s no conclusion to sacraments. God “passes over” it. Without a blessing and disour sins because we are justimissal, we process the Blessed fied in Christ’s merciful and Sacrament to a place of reposacrificial “Passover.” Truly, we sition and stay there in prayer, are saved by the blood of the just as the apostles were asked Lamb of God. to do in the Garden of For our Jewish brothers Gethsemane. and sisters, the Passover is a 2 Good Friday: Good celebration of freedom. In the Friday’s liturgy simply starts Passover, God freed them up and then stops – without a from slavery, their bondage formal procession or a formal under Pharaoh, and brought dismissal. them out of the desert to 3 Easter Vigil: In the Easter Mount Sinai. Through Moses Vigil service on the night of he gave them, in the Ten In the Easter Vigil service on the night of Holy Saturday, we resume Holy Saturday, we resume Commandments, the freedom with the Service of Light. with the Service of Light – the to do good – no longer held in lighting of the Easter fire, a procession of the Paschal candle into the bondage of evil. He thereupon led them into the promised land. the darkened church, and the chanting of the Exultet, an ancient God is always faithful to his covenant. Christians believe he has hymn of praise to the light. We then hear a scriptural recounting of fulfilled his promises in Christ’s coming – joining us all into Christ, our salvation history, initiate new members into our faith commuovercoming death – and bringing us through him, with him and nity, renew our own baptismal commitments and confess Jesus in him into eternal life. Christ as our Lord and savior. In Communion, we receive him – The Triduum is the core of the matrix of everything that is glorious, resurrected. Light has triumphed over darkness, God has Christian. Every celebration of the Mass is a recapitulation of all brought life out of death, and we are enabled to overcome evil with that Christ accomplished in the paschal mystery, which is why good. God is victorious over all that would tear us away from him. we refer to it as the holy sacrifice of the Mass. These three great days are grounded in the paschal mystery. Our “Blessing and glory, wisdom and thanksgiving, honor, power word “paschal” comes from the Jewish word Pesach, the “passing and might be to our God forever and ever. Amen.” (Revelation 7:12) over”, or Passover. God is faithful to his covenant and, as Christians, – Fr. Charles Irvin March 2005
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Fr. Bennett Constantine, a native of Sri Lanka, had planned to visit his sister in Malaysia on January 10 to celebrate her birthday. Instead, he left for Malaysia and Sri Lanka with donations from his parishioners at St. Peter, Eaton Rapids to the victims of the tsunami that ripped through Asia on Dec. 26. The members of St. Peter Parish, and the members of other parishes throughout the diocese, have contributed generously to alleviate the devastation caused by the massive wave. The Diocese of Lansing has collected nearly $200,000 in contributions for direct aid relief to the victims. The diocese has forwarded all collected funds directly to Catholic Relief
Services (CRS) for use in their efforts in Indonesia, Sri Lanka and India. Catholic Relief Services continues to focus its efforts on the distribution of food and basic supplies, clean water and sanitation, shelter, health and hygiene, and trauma counseling. Bishop Carl F. Mengeling is deeply appreciative of the response of the Catholic community to this tragedy. “Our people have given generously in support of the victims of this calamity, not only through financial contributions to relief organizations, but also in prayerful support and solidarity. I am confident this will continue.” Catholic Relief Services is one of the most effective agencies involved in providing tsunami
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Diocese of Lansing aids tsunami victims – Fr. Bennett Constantine’s mission home
relief aid, with no less than 94 percent of donations designated for tsunami relief going directly to support CRS programs that benefit tsunami survivors. To contribute to the relief efforts, contact your local Catholic parish, donate online at www.catholicrelief.org, or send
contributions directly to: Tsunami Relief Diocese of Lansing 300 West Ottawa Street Lansing, MI 48933-1577 Look for a FAITH Magazine feature story about Fr. Bennett Constantine’s trip in an upcoming issue.
Veteran’s luncheon hosted at Most Holy Trinity School
Elizabeth Johnson, FAITH saint-of-themonth columnist, has written a book to encourage children in the seven corporal works of mercy. The Catholic Kid’s Guide to Stewardship is available from Twenty-third Publications, (800) 321-0411.
Students in the 4th-8th grades at Most Holy Trinity School in Fowler hosted a luncheon and program for veterans on Nov. 9. Approximately 250 veterans and their spouses attended. The lunch was prepared by the students, who also provided entertainment, to honor those who have served their country in the armed forces.
Resurrection Parish celebrates 70 years of broadcasting radio Mass
J. Epkey
The Catholic Kid’s Guide to Stewardship
Catholic Times
Resurrection Parish in Lansing celebrated the 70th anniversary of the longest-running religious radio broadcast in the United States. The Sunday Mass has been broadcast on WJIM radio weekly since 1934. Fr. William Koenigsknecht, pastor of Resurrection, was the principal celebrant at the Nov. 21 celebration. He says, “I used to listen to [the broadcasts] when I was in grade school in Fowler.”
Maronite Census The Maronite Synod of Bishops is calling for a census of Maronite Catholics in the United States. Maronite Catholics can go to www.maronitecensus.net or call (718) 237-9913 or (314) 231-1021.
When Benjamin Parker’s mother attended an outdoor school Mass at St. John, Fenton, she commented that there was no seating for parents. Benjamin decided to rectify that as his Eagle Scout project. He collected about $810 in monetary contributions and $600 worth of material donations from local organizations and businesses. He and a group of volunteers spent the summer cleaning the cemeteries at the parish, replacing wood chips in the landscaping, and installing six benches. They also replaced an existing bench that had been damaged. The project took 18 months and Benjamin says, “From the beginning, I really wanted to do a project that would benefit my church and school, so this project fit very well.”
Courtesy B. Parker
Benjamin Parker completes Eagle Scout project
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a time to heal spiritual care for those who have been abused by someone in the church
Fr. Larry Delaney and Patricia Martin facilitate A Time to Heal
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weekend may be the first step on the road to healing. Men and women who have experienced clergy sexual abuse are invited to a weekend retreat – a time to pray, a time to be heard, A Time to Heal.
A Time to Heal is facilitated have experienced something by Patricia Martin, MSW and atypical – it is not usual, it is by Fr. Larry Delaney, the direcnot “normal,” and they are not tor of the St. Francis Retreat responsible for what occurred. Center. It begins with the Abuse can be perpetrated on weekend retreat experience and children, adolescents and vulcontinues with nerable adults. alumni support Sometimes those in The focus is on groups. Alumni developing whole the latter two catealso volunteer to and conscious rela- gories may feel, “I’m be prayer partners tionships with God, responsible” or “I for subsequent self, other persons should have known weekends – hold- and all of creation. better.” They are reassured that neiing the retreatants ther is true. in prayer throughout the An important component weekend and writing them of the weekend is a visit by letters of encouragement. the bishop. He listens. He A typical weekend includes makes no judgments and he prayer, sharing of stories and tells them, “It’s wrong, it discussion. The facilitators shouldn’t have happened and emphasize that the participants March 2005
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the church is sorry.” Patricia Martin says the majority of participants are women, although more men experienced clergy sexual abuse than women. Men may be prompted to come forward when incidents from the past interfere with their adult relationships. Men and women who attend find immense personal value in the A Time to Heal experience – they often discover that the group support takes away some of the stigma they feel from their childhood abuse. Throughout the weekend and the subsequent group sessions, the focus is on developing whole and conscious relationships with God, self, other persons and all of creation. Retreatants gain an understanding of the stages of healing: • Victim • Survivor • Striver – one who is working hard on recovery. • Thriver – one who has gained insight and reaches out to assist others. Some participants are even
able to forgive to such an extent that they pray for their sick or deceased abusers. But there is always the knowledge that healing and forgiveness are “one day at a time” steps – each day may find the participants at a different stage than the day before. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops established a National Review Board to study clergy sexual abuse in this country. The board engaged the services of John Jay College to conduct the study and publish The John Jay Report. In that study, the Diocese of Lansing received two commendations – one of them was for this program. If you would like to attend a retreat, or need information, please call the St. Francis Retreat Center at (866) 6698321 and ask for Pat or Fr. Larry. Groups are limited to six participants of the same sex. There is a retreat planned soon – it takes a lot of courage, but if you are ready, you may find this experience can be A Time to Heal.
A time for reparation Bishop Mengeling has designated Ash Wednesday and the Fridays of Lent as days of reparation for sins against the great commandment to love God and neighbor, especially the sexual abuse of children by some of our clergy. On these days, we will listen to the seven last words of Jesus from the cross, inviting us to unite with him in reparation for sin.
Retreat for others who experienced sexual abuse Most sexual abusers are not members of the clergy – many children suffered abuse from other trusted adults in their lives. How can the church help them? Healing the Heart’s Cry is a retreat for survivors of sexual abuse, in which the perpetrator was not a clergy member. The next retreat is scheduled for July 2931, 2005. If you are ready to explore spiritual healing from abuse, please call the retreat center for more information. By Elizabeth Solsburg | Photography by Tom Gennara
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Mission to Mexico
Courtesy M. Krupp
Youth to Youth Catholic Evangelization presented The Story of Salvation Dec. 10-12 to raise money for their trip to World Youth Day 2005 in Germany. The sixteenth annual depiction of salvation history – from the beginning of time to the Pentecost – was well-attended. The group also held its 26th annual fast-a-thon at Mt. Zion Pastoral Center, Montrose, from Jan. 7 to Jan. 8. The retreat included reconciliation, adoration and Mass. Youth to Youth will be holding its annual spring conference on March 12. Call (810) 639-7175 or visit www.youthtoyouthcatholic.com for more information.
GM employees give Christmas gifts to St. Vincent Courtesy GM
Instead of buying gifts for coworkers and supervisors, employees at GM buildings 301 and 302 collected money to provide a happy holiday for youth in foster care. The St. Vincent Home for Children in Lansing received a check for $1,650. Cheval Briggins, Director of Marketing and Media Relations, said, “These funds will be well spent on the youth during this holiday season.”
The triumph of her spirit
Courtesy D. Hrca
Cheryl Hrcka was the director of religious education at St. Joseph Parish, Owosso, for many years. She had always wanted to see the guitar group at her parish produce a CD of their beautiful music, but she never saw that happen; she died on Aug. 4, 2004 after a long and courageous battle with cancer. In her memory, her husband Dennis and their friends from the parish have released a CD of Cheryl’s favorite hymns, The Triumph of Her Spirit. The CDs are available for a donation of $14; all proceeds fund the Cheryl Hrcka Memorial Scholarship, which will give at least $1000 per year to a graduating high school senior from the St. Joseph Youth Group. Call (989) 725-8037 to order.
New Catholic music publishing company in Ann Arbor Courtesy In His Presence
Musicians from Christ the King Parish in Ann Arbor recently launched Songs In His Presence, a new Christian music publisher. The first two albums recorded were Taken by Love and Psalms. Both CDs have companion songbooks. For more information, visit www.SongsInHisPresence.com www.FAITHmag.com
At the end of December 2004, fifteen Spanish students from Fr.Gabriel Richard High School in Ann Arbor traveled to Mexico City with their chaperones to serve the poor who live in the garbage dumps there. The trip was co-sponsored by the high school and Renewal Ministries, a Catholic organization in Ann Arbor that is dedicated to renewal and evangelization. This was Renewal Ministries’ first medical mission; its specific intention was to provide for the basic needs of the very poor as well as administer medical and dental care. This mission was a tremendous opportunity for young people to see how other people live and to examine their own lives in light of Gospel values as they begin to make significant choices for their futures. For more information about medical missions to Mexico, call Jessica at (734) 662-1730, ext. 32 or email jsherwood@ renewalministries.net. D. Herbeck
Youth to Youth Catholic Evangelization
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PIME Missionaries are re-energizing Holy Trinity Student Parish in Ypsilanti Fr. Francis Mossholder and Fr. Sergio Fossati, PIME Missionaries, are re-energizing Holy Trinity Fr, Francis Mossholder Student Parish in Ypsilanti. The two priests are serving the Eastern Michigan University community and have implemented several initiatives, including the formation of a Catholic alumni association and a monthly lecture series that featured Sr. Helen Prejean as the February speaker. Fr. Mossholder served in Japan from 1993 to 2000. Fr. Fossati, a native of Italy, served in the Philippines and at Fr. Sergio Fossati PIME’s seminary in Monza. Courtesy PIME
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Courtesy PIME
2/8/05
Things are happening at Christ the King in Flint Saturday afternoons at Christ the King Educational Center, Flint, are bustling with activity. Classes are offered in quilting, surfing the Internet, cooking and religion. Participants have learned how to look up a recipe online and then take it into the kitchen to whip up a delicious meal. For more information, contact the parish at (810) 233-0402. Courtesy P. Stokes
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CORRECTION: The photographs of Dave and Judy Scharf in our January issue were incorrectly credited to Tom Gennara. Christine Jones was the photographer. FAITH regrets the error.
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“Because of Winn-Dixie” the movie based on the award-winning book m o v i e s
Anna Sophia Robb plays Opal in the new movie, Because of Winn-Dixie
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or those who know Winn-Dixie only as a Southern supermarket chain, we’ll say first off that the subject of Because of Winn-Dixie (Fox) is, in fact, a dog, and director Wayne Wang’s film is an adaptation of Kate DiCamillo’s popular book. For those not familiar with the much-awarded (including a 2001 Newbury Honor), best-selling story, the plot is as follows: A Baptist preacher (Jeff Daniels) and his young daughter, Opal (AnnaSophia Robb), move to the (fictitious) town of Naomi, Fla., where he will preach in a converted convenience store. Opal is lonely, as her mother walked out on them when the girl was only 3 years old. When her father sends her to the Winn-Dixie supermarket for groceries, she observes a big dog creating a disturbance in the aisles. To save the canine from being sent to the pound after it jumps on the manager for some affectionate licking, she claims the mutt – a lovable stray with pointed ears – as her own. Preacher, as he is called, reluctantly agrees to allow the dog to stay with them in their home but only temporarily, especially as their grumpy landlord (B.J. Hopper) is adamant about no dogs on the property. Though the town’s other children – Amanda, Sweetie Pie and the Dewberry brothers, among them – give Opal the cold shoulder, the girl makes friends with some of the town’s adult misfits: Otis, a guitar-strumming pet store manager with a prison record (Dave Matthews); spinsterish librarian Miss Franny (Eva Marie Saint); and eccentric, nearly blind recluse Gloria Dump (Cicely Tyson), thought to be a witch by the children in the town. March 2005
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Opal yearns to know more of her mother, and eventually Preacher – still hurting from the abandonment of years before – opens up to her about his wife. A bit. Rather like Pollyanna, the girl and her dog end up forging connections with the others in the town, who are all, in one way or another, yearning for human contact, and have been wounded by disappointment and loss. The film has several wise messages, including “Love what you’ve got while you’ve got it” and “Embrace both sadness and joy.” The latter is exemplified by Miss Franny’s treasured stash of Litmus Lozenges, once manufactured by the now-defunct local candy factory. The characteristic of the lozenges is that, if you’ve had unhappiness in your life, you will be able to taste the sadness in the candy. The film has a sentimentality that comes out of basically good people acting decently, and a few corny – or awkwardly contrived – lines notwithstanding, avoids being mushy. In fact, the occasional contrivance (perhaps derived from the book) in Joan Singleton’s script stands out in a film where, basically, the emotions are so true. Though the film’s themes are weighty enough for an adult to appreciate, there’s nothing at all objectionable about the film for children. In fact, it’s the kind of movie where nothing terribly bad happens to anyone, nor is there a sense of impending doom for any of the characters. About the most intense incidents in the film take place during thunderstorms – WinnDixie the dog has a pathological fear of thunderstorms. Tyson and Saint have good, meaty roles. Tyson creates a really vivid portrayal of the former alcoholic who keeps whiskey bottles hanging from trees to ward off the ghosts of all the things she’s ever done wrong. (She ought to be remembered in next year’s Oscar nominations.) And Saint, who has aged gracefully since her halcyon Hollywood days, is just right as the fearful librarian who first mistakes WinnDixie for a bear. The underrated Daniels gives one of his best performances as the loving but damaged father. And musician Matthews is perfectly cast as the guitar-strumming ex-con whose music can magically calm all the creatures in the pet shop. Holding the film together is newcomer Robb, who is immensely likable without being overly sweet or cloying. Karl Walter Lindenlaub’s crystalline photography is quite lovely, and the rural settings (actually, Louisiana) ideal for this fablelike tale. Any adult avoiding the film because it would seem to be a kids’ movie about a girl and her dog will be missing a richly satisfying experience in its poignant story. And though Robb gets a lot of screen time, the adult actors are at the top of their game, and their characters have a depth that adult viewers will appreciate all the more. The movie’s a treat, and we’re not just whistling Dixie. – Harry Forbes, Catholic News Service
Because of Winn-Dixie is Rated PG. The USCCB classification is A-I – general patronage.
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what happens when a pope dies?
a glimpse of the resurrection – life in recovery
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t the time of writing, we are praying for the recovery and good health of Pope John Paul II. However, his current health crisis sparked the question: what does happen when the pope dies? Many of our readers have no memories of any pope but this one and have not experienced a church sede vacante (with a vacant seat). Immediately after the pope’s death, the cardinal camerlengo, a representative of the College of Cardinals, verifies the papal death. After the pope’s funeral, the College of Cardinals meets in conclave, a term meaning “with key,” signifying the fact that the cardinals are locked together in a room until a new pope is chosen. During this time, the authority of the church rests with the entire college, symbolically signified by the canopy over each cardinal’s chair. This authority is limited, extending only to the ordinary business of the church. When the new pope is elected, all the canopies but his will drop. At one time, there were a variety of forms by which a pope could be elected, including a unanimous verbal acclamation by all the cardinals present. This is portrayed in the movie, The Shoes of the Fisherman. However, in 1996, Pope John Paul II issued Universi Dominici Gregis, which changed a number of the papal election provisions. Currently, a pope may only be elected by secret ballot. At one time, an election by secret ballot required a two-thirds majority. Pope John Paul II revised the rules to stipulate that, if no pope is elected by a two-thirds majority after three days, election is by simple majority. After each vote, the ballots are burned. If there is no election, wet straw is added to the stove and black smoke pours out of the chimney. If there is a new pope, the ballots are burned alone and the smoke is white. Following election, the new pope is garbed in white and has the fisherman’s ring placed on his finger. He is then led outside to greet his flock, the universal church. t e e n
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The annual Fr. Charlie Irvin Scholarship The annual Fr. Charlie Irvin Scholarship honors our founding editor, Fr. Charles Irvin. This year, two $500 scholarships will be awarded – one to a student in a Catholic high school in the Diocese of Lansing and one to a student who is an active member of his or her parish religious education program or youth group. This year’s essay topic is What is the role of religion in contemporary society? All entries must be submitted by a DRE, CYM, Catholic high school teacher or pastor. Contact your school or parish for more information.
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was alive once again, seeing the beauty of every thing and every person, experiencing feelings I thought I would never feel again, seeing people as I had never seen them before. I turned and peered down into my former hole and looked into the empty coffin that had imprisoned me. Oh, how I love being alive, alive after the slow death of alcoholism! Lazarus must have felt that way. He and I now share something few others have (or could) share. Lazarus also came back into life from the dark prison of his tomb. To be granted a new life after being among the living dead is a miracle of God that my poor words can never adequately explain. But then, God’s miracles cannot be explained – they can only be accepted – and lived. Acceptance is a huge part of any recovery. It’s summed up in the great creed of all who have come back into life again, the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr: God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever in the next. Amen. Two other works are glimpses of the recovery experience. One is the great hymn, Amazing Grace, the other a poem, The Hound of Heaven. Both come to us from alcoholics who have suffered, but who found redemption by surrendering themselves to God’s care. Surrender is totally different from compliance. Compliance means you “go by the rules” and go along with others’ expectations. Compliance is like “going along with being a Catholic” and following the church’s rules without ever having a personal encounter with Jesus. Salvation and recovery are found in surrender, not in compliance. Addictive diseases have physical, psychological and spiritual components. However, the basis for recovery is spiritual. Recovery with the famous Twelve Steps has a triple movement – surrender to God, acceptance of self and concern for others. Life after the hell of alcoholism is beautiful and I can never thank God enough for his miracle. “Amazing grace! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see.” – Fr. Charles Irvin
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DIOCESE OF LANSING
For more information log on to www.DioceseofLansing.org or call (517)342-2483
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300 W. Ottawa Lansing, MI 48933 Online:
www.DioceseofLansing.org www.FAITHmag.com
The Outreach Mass: Sundays On TV:
Flint: Lansing:
FOX 66 10 a.m. WHTV, UPN 18 10 a.m. WLAJ, ABC 53 at 6 a.m.
On Radio: Mass, 11 a.m. on WJIM 1240 AM