INSIDE Nov./Dec. 2019
YOUR FAITH
4 from the bishop Catholic teaching possesses common sense intended for the common good of society
6 worship The Catholic funeral is a celebration of our faith
YOUR STORIES
9 my story ‘They’re angels’: Elsa is grateful for all involved with her hospice care
15 our story Living with loss: George and Olivia walk alongside those grieving through a bereavement support group in Spanish
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COVER STORY:
MINISTRY OF CONSOLATION DEACON MICHAEL AND BARBARA SHARE THE PRAYERFUL AND PASTORAL JOURNEY WITH THE GRIEVING AND THEIR FAMILIES
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24 our story
‘God put me here’: With faith and expertise, Kevin and Diane guide families through funeral and cemetery planning
27 our story Grateful for their friendship born of circumstance: Nicole and Eddie’s experiences convinced them of the benefits of advanced funeral planning
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FOLLOW CATHOLIC HERALD SHARE YOUR FAITH WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS
Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services: A place for prayer and consolation
PLUS
34 marriage matters
She says: ‘After my diagnosis with Alzheimer’s, we need to move.’ He says: ‘I want to care for Eileen at home.’ What do they do?
39 last word Meister Eckhart and the idea of an afterlife
VIEW DIGITAL EDITIONS OF CATHOLIC HERALD AT WWW.SCD.ORG/CATHOLICHERALD
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YOUR FAITH
Catholic teaching possesses common sense intended for the common good of society FROM THE BISHOP
DURING THE RECENT LEGISLATIVE SESSION IN SACRAMENTO, I was reviewing a draft statement against a bill to expand abortion services in the state. In the draft there was a line stating the obvious: “As Catholics we believe in the dignity of life.” This is a true statement. We firmly believe in the dignity of human life from the moment of conception through natural death. This is a God-given dignity, not one conferred by another person, persons, state or religion. This last point is an important one. Our religious belief does not confer a dignity on the human fetus in the womb. The dignity is inherent to the child’s existence. This is reasonably, factually true and that is why we believe it. Our belief does not make that true. We believe in the dignity of a human fetus because it is true. Going back to the text in the draft statement, what we believe as Catholics about the dignity of human life from the moment of conception is a reasonable and factual statement. One does not have to be Catholic to come to the same conclusion. This puts Catholics and Catholic institutions in an increasingly challenging predicament. We struggle to maintain the moral and intellectual integrity of our Catholic institutions, insisting on the religious liberty provided by the U.S. Constitution. At the same time, much
of what we hold is reasonable: the dignity of the human person is from the moment of conception until natural death; marriage is the unique expression of creative love between a man and woman; the human person is constituted by both a body and soul. These are not religious truths; these are reasonably and factually true statements about the dignity of the human person. They are self-evident. While rightly insisting on the religious liberty to practice our faith in the public square, we risk undermining the reasonableness of our argument, enabling others to claim that our Catholic teachings are not reasonable but only personal preferences better left to one’s private life, having no place in reasonable public discourse. The claim is made that our religious and moral beliefs should not be imposed on society. Yet our Catholic convictions are not some kind of sectarian imposition. They are reasonable proposals to contribute to the common good. What we teach in our schools and what we practice
BISHOP JAIME SOTO is the ninth bishop of the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento.
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in our institutions are good for the human person. They help us and others find true happiness. Catholic teaching possesses common sense intended for the common good of society. This is an essential Catholic principle: The Gospel of Jesus Christ is intended to save the world. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.” (Jn 3:16) God chose to have his Son, Jesus, born of Mary so that he could share in the fullness of our humanity, body and soul. This is the wonderful mystery of the Incarnation. More than a message, more than an ideology, more than a feeling, more than a natural phenomenon, Jesus came to save the world in a personal way. Through Jesus, the mercy of God has a human face. The humanity of Jesus is the amazing medium for the message of God’s merciful love. Through baptism, Jesus uses our humanity to continue his saving mission. Our humanity is capable of communicating God’s saving grace. Our human reason can bring others to God’s wisdom. Our humble, human acts of charity can reveal God’s merciful touch. When we practice our faith in a public way, we are walking in the footsteps of Jesus. Our public lives as disciples of Jesus give others a reason to follow Jesus. This is what gives the coming Christmas season its particular joy: the Divine Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us and we saw his glory. (Jn 1:14) This
year, we will be focusing more than likely, they had little or no on the infancy narrative from the knowledge of Hebrew Scriptures. Gospel according to Matthew. They were not Jews and probably Matthew’s account is did not share worth our attention their beliefs. Still, because of the something drew Our human reason particular challenges them to the star. we face. The Magi Allured by natural can bring others to are featured in his signs, they took the God’s wisdom. Our Christmas story path to Jerusalem humble, human acts (Mt 2:1-12). looking for the of charity can reveal The Wise Men new king whose from the East were heavenly messenger God’s merciful touch. led to the home of shone in the sky. When we practice our Joseph, Mary, and Though they were faith in a public way, the child Jesus by not looking for a we are walking in the a star. Among the promised Messiah, various Christmas footsteps of Jesus. Our as the Jewish tales, the story public lives as disciples people did, there of the Magi is was a profoundly of Jesus give others a curious. The Magi human restless reason to follow Jesus." desire that brought were considered to possess great them into the human knowledge presence of Mary and were skilled in the sciences holding the child in her arms. The and arts of their time. More Gospel narrative continues: “They
prostrated themselves and did Him homage. Then they opened their treasures and offered Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” (Mt 2:11) Jesus spoke to the human hearts of the Magi. Without knowing a word of Scripture, “They were overjoyed at seeing the star.” (Mt 2:10) Culture, knowledge, science and language were not obstacles to knowing the truth and beauty of the Lord Jesus. In the wonderful mystery of the Incarnation, all these expressions of humanity also become expressions of the divine mercy of Christ. Though we may rue the current times as bleak and dark, remember the Magi did their best traveling at night. Our task is to be the starry epiphany of reason, hope and joy that may lead others to faith in the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Merry Christmas.
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YOUR FAITH
IN DEATH LIFE IS CHANGED,
Not Ended
THE CATHOLIC FUNERAL IS A CELEBRATION OF OUR FAITH BY JAMES CAVANAGH
W
hile the reality of death inevitably causes sadness and grief, the Catholic funeral rites are meant, first and
foremost, to offer worship, praise and thanksgiving to God for the gift of life and to instill hope. For how we deal with death has a direct impact on how we deal with life.
The Order of Christian Funerals (OCF) describes the church’s ministry to the deceased and their family in these words: “At the death of a Christian, whose life of faith was begun in the waters of baptism and strengthened at the eucharistic table, the church intercedes on behalf of the deceased because of its confident belief that death is not the end nor does it break the bonds forged in life. The church also ministers to the sorrowing and consoles them in the funeral rites with the comforting word of God and the sacrament of the Eucharist.” (Order of Christian Funerals, No. 4). My purpose here is to help you think through the liturgical aspects of your funeral. The structure of the funeral rites is similar to the sacred triduum, which is one continuous liturgy that takes place 6
many Catholics it is customary to over three days, beginning with the recite the rosary on the night before Mass of the Lord’s Supper, followed the funeral Mass and to overlook by Good Friday and then finally the vigil. But the vigil is an essential the Easter Vigil. The dismissal part of the funeral rites and should doesn’t occur until the end of the not be omitted. The recitation of Easter Vigil. Likewise, the dismissal the rosary is a beautiful devotion, at Catholic funerals doesn’t happen but is not part of the vigil. If you until the end of the committal. wish to recite the rosary, it should Thus, each part of a Catholic be done before the vigil service funeral – the vigil for the deceased, begins. the funeral The funeral Mass and the is normally committal – are integral celebrated Each part of a Catholic funeral parts of the within Mass, whole funeral but there may – the vigil for the deceased, be occasions process. the funeral Mass and the when this may The vigil is committal – are integral parts not be possible: the first rite. of the whole funeral process." for example, It is a time on certain of solemn solemnities preparation of obligation when a funeral Mass in which the Christian community is not permitted, such as Holy keeps watch with the family. It Thursday and the Easter triduum normally occurs in the place and the Sundays of Advent, Lent where the body is prepared for and the Easter season. Also, if a burial, the funeral home/center, priest is not available, a deacon may although it may take place in your preside over the funeral rite, or if parish church. the family simply wishes to have a In this service, the word of God funeral liturgy without Mass. is the primary source of consolation The funeral Mass takes place in and hope in the face of death. For
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© Getty Images/Pawel_Czaja
the church because this is the place where the Christian community gathers for worship and where the deceased received the sacraments. The rite begins with the reception of the body at the entrance of the church, where the deceased first entered the church in baptism. This is signified by the sprinkling of the coffin with holy water and the placement of a white funeral pall. The American flag, if there is one, is to be removed from the coffin at the entrance and replaced with the pall. The flag is replaced after Mass when the coffin is taken from the church. A eulogy is not part of the funeral Mass. The proper place for a eulogy, if the family desires it, is at the vigil service, or in the church before the funeral Mass begins, or at the reception afterward. The reason for this is because the eulogy is about the deceased, while the funeral
rites focus on God and the hope we have been given through resurrection of Christ. The service concludes with the final commendation and the words: “In peace let us take our brother/sister to his/her place of rest.” Cremation is becoming more and more common among Catholics. While cremation is allowed, the church encourages full body burial. Catholic teaching stresses the importance of the burial of the body, because it was the body that was washed in baptism. It was the body that was anointed with sacred chrism in confirmation. It was the body that that was fed with the bread of life and it was through the body that the individual touched other lives. Insofar as the church permits cremation, it should take place after the funeral Mass. After the funeral Mass, the body is then taken to its place of burial where the third and final part, the
committal, takes place. The rite of committal concludes the funeral rites and is the final act of the Christian community in caring for the body of one of its members. In committing the body to its final resting place, the Christian community expresses its hope in the resurrection of the dead. The rite also expresses the communion between the living and the dead and our belief that in death life is changed, not ended. James Cavanagh is director of the Office of Worship for the Diocese of Sacramento.
LEARN MORE About “Policies and Guidelines Regarding the Celebration of Catholic Funeral Rites, Diocese of Sacramento” by reading the March 2012 document promulgated by Bishop Jaime Soto at www.scd.org/funeralguidelines.
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Elsa Ceccato in her home with her daughter, Ann Noel.
‘THEY’RE ANGELS’
ELSA, LONGTIME MEMBER OF HOLY ROSARY PARISH IN WOODLAND, IS GRATEFUL FOR ALL INVOLVED WITH HER HOSPICE CARE
BY LYNETTE MAGNINO PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEVE GERMAN
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N A TORRID mid-summer afternoon, after a dire emergency room experience, Elsa Ceccato sits comfortably in her living room, celebrating
her hospice care team as nothing less than “a breath of fresh air.” She cannot fathom spending the end of her life without them or anywhere other than in the comfort of her home in Woodland.
YOUR STORIES MY STORY
Days earlier, excruciating pain and extreme symptoms almost derailed that plan when she found herself within minutes
from hospital admission, even though she sought only to alleviate her escalated pain level with a simple procedure. The
spiraling scene soon caused the ER professionals to call for an IV to be started in her arm. As a hospice patient, Elsa knew that if she were admitted, she would forfeit her hospice care and reenter the health care system for total care management. As her daughter Ann Noel rushed down Interstate 5 from the northernmost reaches of California that day, over the phone she coordinated with her son, Jay, and daughter-in-law, Kristen, also of Woodland. She called Mercy Hospice and time blurred. “We were in a panic,” Ann admits, but now her easy smile signaled that relief soon followed that day. “The Lord just totally took control,” she recounts, detailing how one of Elsa’s palliative care nurses was onsite at Woodland Memorial for a meeting and gladly interceded to explain Elsa’s case. 9
Patty Zavala, hospice nurse, visits with Elsa Ceccato in her home in Woodland. Elsa’s daughter brought her Westie named Heidi to visit.
Ann also shares how “Kristen comforted mom and told her, ‘you’re going to be OK and we’re going to get you home; you’re not losing hospice.’” Kristen, who had become a regular and authorized voice in Elsa’s care whispered encouraging words to Elsa suggesting that a small dose of hospice-prescribed morphine would ease her pain. “They’re angels,” Ann says, and Elsa chimes in, “I have a lot of angels.” She refers to the small group of professionals assigned to her care who deliver personalized services and assistance via Dignity Health’s Mercy Hospice and Home Palliative Care Services program, which aids terminally ill individuals with a prognosis of six months or less to live. “If I’m going to go, it’s going to be in my bed, at home,” Elsa insists, depleted of energy and missing her independence, but confident and faith filled. “When He’s ready for me, I’ll be here,” she nods ever sure of God’s will unfolding in her life. 10
“She has always known she wanted to die at home,” Ann interjects, sharing how her mom “always told us, for many years and long before she was even sick” that she rejected the idea of a convalescent home or any care facility.
PATHWAY TO HOSPICE CARE Elsa’s journey to hospice care began about two years ago when her illness subtly made itself known. A cancer specialist ordered MRIs every three months, but results were always inconclusive. With an array of uncomfortable symptoms developing, her physician, Jean Kareofelas with Woodland Healthcare, determined Elsa had been living with liver disease for quite a long time possibly, since birth. By June of this year, Elsa, 82, learned the final stages of her disease had begun. Having received care at Woodland Memorial Hospital, Elsa and Ann were encouraged by “Dr. Jean” to consider palliative care, which
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was newly available in Woodland through Mercy Hospice and Home Palliative Care Services. Elsa required more care than her periodic doctor visits, and the palliative care program allowed nurses to come to her home, monitor her care, and keep her connected with her doctors. “Mom has such a rapport with her nurses,” Ann explains, indicating how important it was for Elsa to continue with her care team even while at home. Dr. Jean also cited the ease at which Elsa could transition to Mercy Hospice when necessary. “Hospice is appropriate if the patient is within six months of dying,” Ann says, distinguishing hospice from palliative care and how the level of care increases to almost daily visits. Elsa moved to hospice care by the end of July. “We knew things were evolving and changing,” Ann expresses with acceptance and gratitude. “Once you’re on hospice care, they prescribe everything that they think you may need
If I’m going to go, it’s going to be in my bed, at home. When He’s ready for me, I’ll be here.” Elsa Ceccato
and connect the patient and family with services,” she adds, visibly pleased to relinquish the worries and stress to hospice professionals in favor of enjoying time with her mother. The unfortunate mid-August ER visit confirmed Elsa’s wish for the comfort of hospice at home. Ann reflects on their frenzied three-month journey, not really knowing “how this happened” that they should be so blessed to have transitioned to hospice care, surrounded by a dear and valued care team, with peace of mind and unwavering faith. Once again, Elsa chimes in recognizing God’s handiwork and says, “I do.”
ABIDING FAITH Through it all, Elsa’s faith remains central to her everyday life. She quips that she’s been a parishioner of Holy Rosary Parish in Woodland “since forever,” recalling her move to the town in 1960. Ann was just starting kindergarten with younger brother Steven not too far behind. Elsa remembers many of the pastors that have served over nearly 60 years and laughs heartily as she shares fond memories and dear friendships. “It’s what I miss the most; not being able to go to church,” Elsa concedes. Elsa’s phone is nearby. She looks forward to her “pew buddies” calling to check in. Ann shares “they all sat together in church” and their friendship continues, bridging this life with the next, and confirming the promises of faith. Cards and mementos fill her bookshelves and family photos adorn her walls. Elsa looks forward to the visits from eucharistic ministers who bring her Communion. Parishioner Julianne Moren visits on Wednesdays and Saturdays before the vigil Mass. “She brings me Communion, my bulletin and messages from my priest,” Elsa says, thinking
fondly of her parish community and pastor, Father Jonathan Molina. “She would come every day if I asked her,” Elsa adds, visibly moved as she considers the importance of Julianne’s visits. She shares how she turns to the Lord’s Prayer for comfort upon receiving Communion and tells how “it’s my favorite.” Across the room, Ann, too, contemplates those special, faith-filled moments. “It’s huge,” she says, with uncontained appreciation for moments when
grandchildren visit and witness Elsa’s deep faith as she receives Communion and prays. “They see her strength and the importance of her faith,” Ann says, realizing perhaps for the first time how “it resonates with them; they see how she is a woman of faith.” Patricia Zavala, certified hospice and palliative nurse, journeys with Elsa during her hospice experience and also shares her Catholic faith. A Holy Rosary parishioner since 1990, Patty wonders if she may
A CLOSER LOOK: Mercy Hospice and Home Palliative Care Services Dignity Health offers an array of interdisciplinary services licensed under Mercy Hospice and aligned with Dignity Health’s mission “to furthering the healing ministry of Jesus,” according to Cherie Sianez, RN, manager of Mercy Hospice and Home Palliative Care Services. A patient’s “core team” consists of a hospice nurse, social worker, hospice home aide, and a chaplain, in addition to the medical expertise of an onstaff medical director. Ancillary team members may include a dietician or a physical therapist also. Mercy Hospice’s history dates to 1979 and is Medicare/ MediCal certified. Some private insurances also cover hospice and home health programs as do veterans’ benefits. Depending on a patient’s needs, Mercy Hospice determines and adjusts care levels as required, ensuring nursing care, 24/7/365 phone support, medications, equipment and supplies. Hospice care requires a doctor’s certification of terminal illness and a prognosis of six months or less. Comfort care or symptom care replaces aggressive care. Conversely, palliative care may continue for an unspecified time period and typically requires less services. Beyond patient care, Mercy Hospice also delivers additional programs that aid families: • Bereavement services: Counseling and support for family members up to 13 months after a loved one’s death. Telephone support is also available for those who live far away. • Annual celebration of life: A memorial event sponsored by the chaplaincy department to reconnect families with care teams as they honor the memory of their loved one. • SOUL program: The Source of Unconditional Love (SOUL) program is an animal-assisted therapy program that brings therapy animals into the home. The animals offer joy and relaxation to patients and families in oftenoverwhelming situations. • Volunteer services: Invites volunteers to “give comfort, peace and care to patients, caregivers and families during the end of life journey.” Volunteers apply, undergo review and screening, and participate in training. FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT MERCY HOSPICE AT 916-281-3900 OR VISIT WWW.DIGNITYHEALTH.ORG/SACRAMENTO/SERVICES/HOME-HEALTH-AND-HOSPICE.
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Patty Zavala leaves Elsa’s home after providing medical care and visiting.
Patty checks Elsa’s vital signs during her visit.
Unlike any other part of health care, when we’re facing the end of our lives we come right up against the Divine. It’s an honor for me to share that time of life with people of any faith and especially when it’s my own religion. Patricia Zavala
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have even seen Elsa at church before their worlds merged. Regardless, the bond of their faith strengthens and enriches Patty’s visits. “Unlike any other part of health care, when we’re facing the end of our lives we come right up against the Divine,” Patty contemplates, pleased to be a part of it. “It’s an honor for me to share that time of life with people of any faith and especially when it’s my own religion,” she adds. She reveals how her role as a hospice nurse supports the range of feelings and spiritual complexities that accompany death and how “these emotions and sensitivities are just as important as the physical things that we help with.” “There’s just a lot of spiritual angst around dying,” Patty notes, having experienced this truth over an entire career of frontline exposure to these powerful endof-life moments. “Faith may be way, way, way back, or maybe a person hasn’t been to church or isn’t particularly religious, and all of a sudden it’s very important,” she confirms, emphasizing how the entire hospice care program
walks with the patient and family responding to the spiritual and physical dimensions of care needs. “Hospice caters to a family’s faith practice,” Ann says, thankful for how the team “moves with you.” She explains how all their care professionals know “we are open about our Catholic faith and talk about it…when they step into your house, they’re in your world.”
PARTNERS IN CARE Elsa’s hospice team includes up to six professionals committed to a well-coordinated, sensitive and responsive approach to her care. “We’re doing everything we can to make Elsa comfortable, have her family help her, and give her time alone if she wants it,” Patty stresses. “It’s important for us to meet these kinds of stated preferences for people as best we can.” Patty and her colleagues
rotate visits and attend to Elsa’s medical needs. A social worker also visits to create the caregiving plan, define resources, and offer counseling services as needed. A home hospice aide assures Elsa’s personal care, and a non-denominational chaplain facilitates spiritual and practical needs, coordinating with a patient’s church and ensuring funeral planning. “I can’t give less than 100 percent,” Patty promises, because “these are people who are dying.” She thinks about one of her greatest challenges. “I never know when I leave the house…,” she pauses and continues, “I say goodbye in my mind every time because I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.” Elsa smiles with contentment. Her eyes are heavy as she considers a nap, but she repeats again, “angels… the Lord provides.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: Elsa Ceccato died in her home in Woodland on Sept. 27, surrounded by her family members.
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LIVING WITH LOSS George and Olivia walk alongside those grieving through a bereavement support group in Spanish STORY AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY JULIE SLY
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EORGE ALVARADO, one of the facilitators of the ministry of consolation in Spanish at St. Joseph Parish in Elk Grove, admits
freely, “I never thought I would be involved in a bereavement support group. It’s the last thing I thought I would be doing or meant to do. But now it’s the most important thing I do.”
YOUR STORIES OUR STORY
In the weeks following his older brother’s sudden death at age 58 five years ago, George did some soulsearching and reflection on his own life. He was 56 and had worked for more than 29 years for the state of California as an auditor, living since 1990 in Elk Grove with his wife and two sons. His neighbor, Tony Salamanca, a fellow parishioner who had lost his wife in 2009, invited George to come to the bereavement support group and observe a session. “I was reflecting on whether I wanted more wealth
or more health in retirement and whether I would continue working,” he recalls. “I opted to retire and have less stress, and my wife supported the idea. “Being Latino and ‘Mister Macho,’ I thought, I don’t need any help getting beyond my brother’s death. But Tony convinced me to come to the bereavement group in English to observe, because they wanted to start a similar group for Spanish-speaking parishioners. Tony said I could just show up and learn about the process.” Soon Tony asked George to become part of a team, working with Marilyn Petruska, coordinator of the ministry of consolation in English, to translate support group materials into Spanish. “I asked Tony and Marilyn how many other parish groups are in Spanish in the diocese, and they said none. So we would be pioneering this with the Spanish-speaking community,” George says. George and Tony also asked their neighbor and fellow parishioner, Olivia Sosa, who was grieving the loss of her father, to help them with translation. Olivia directed the bilingual education program for the San Joaquin County Department of Education. “Sometimes you think you are in charge of your life and everything about it, but then death happens and you think you are all right, but then the Holy Spirit interrupts. The Holy Spirit led me to this,” George says. “Tony, Olivia and I had all participated in Marilyn’s grief support group and we all learned to value what this ministry had to offer people going through grief and loss. So why not make that available to the Spanish-speaking community? “The bottom line is we all experienced a tragic event in our lives and were grieving. Had I not lost my brother, Tony not lost his wife, and Olivia not lost her father, we would not One of the things that have come together to amazes and surprises provide this ministry.” me the most is the tragic In April 2016, George and Tony took the stories we hear — a training offered by the mother losing a child, a Diocese of Sacramento wife losing a husband for parishes wanting with no other means to set up the ministry of consolation. The of support, and other following September, extreme cases which George, Tony and to me would bring Olivia hosted their first hopelessness — yet they support group of seven sessions. “We were a bit come to our ministry and in trembling and fear as share. They make you we started, not knowing have hope." what would happen,” George recalls. GEORGE ALVARADO Since that time, St. Joseph Parish has offered a bereavement support group (consisting of seven sessions) in Spanish each winter and summer, for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one, 15
Tony Salamanca, left, Olivia Sosa, center, and George Alvarado started the ministry of consolation in Spanish at St. Joseph Parish in Elk Grove. 16
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their health, a pet, or a job, or gone through a divorce. “Grieving is one of the ways that helps us accept any type of loss,” George notes. In the most recent sevenweek session, he says participants came from as far away as Stockton and Galt. Participants can attend regardless of how long ago their loss occurred and are asked to respect the confidentiality and privacy of others. Written information, videos and other materials are provided that can help participants cope with the stages of grief and the aftermath of their loss. The sessions also utilize CareNotes (www.carenotes.com), spirituallybased booklets with short articles that complement the materials used in the support group, George notes. Although the ministry is open to participants of any faith or no faith at all, some of the ground rules for the ministry include that church teaching and faith are the foundation of the group, George says, noting that it is a support group, not a therapy group. Each session includes prayer. One of the first sessions goes thoroughly into the stages of grief and many suggestions for “helping yourself through grief.” Other topics include the linkage between love and grief, symptoms and suggestions to prevent and overcome stress, surviving loneliness, elements of healing, men and grieving, and finding that life is worth living. George cites “a bit of an intimidation factor” in starting a ministry of consolation. “In our culture, speaking of death and dying is not something that people are used to doing or even want to do. It’s much easier when you accompany someone down that road of loss and grieving, rather than just telling them about it. What we have found is people are so thankful for the help they receive from this ministry that they turn around later and want to give back as volunteers. “We know we are effective if by session three or four people are more comfortable, laughing and telling stories about their loved ones, and we are laughing with them because it brings all of us joy,” he adds. “It’s not all about being sad and crying. People come into the sessions often with a lot of stress, tension and anxiety, and we hope that within a few meetings that some of this is relieved.” George wishes more men would participate. “Sometimes we are tough guys, we don’t cry and say we don’t need help,” he notes. “That is the stereotype. But men have different perceptions and how they process their grief. Men sometimes say they don’t want to share about this, but that hasn’t been my experience with men who come to this ministry.” George, Olivia and Tony also shared their experiences and knowledge with St. Peter and All Hallows Parish in Sacramento, assisting Sister Guillermina Mendoza of the Catechist Sisters of Jesus Crucified, to start a ministry of consolation in Spanish two years ago. They were present for most of the sessions. “We’ve found that the secret to planting more seeds in other parishes is to not just offer resources and
explanation, but to actually go there and help them with all seven sessions when they start,” George notes. Since Tony moved from Elk Grove to Oklahoma a year ago to be near his family, George and Olivia now facilitate the bereavement ministry. George is grateful for his experiences in the ministry of consolation at St. Joseph Parish for the past three years, during which time some 80 participants have been involved in the seven-week sessions. “It’s been beautiful, because the participants always think we have a lot to give and we are assisting them so much, but in actuality they are helping us through our own grief and recharging us,” he says. “One of the things that amazes and surprises me the most is the tragic stories we hear – a mother losing a child, a wife losing a husband with no other means of support, and other extreme cases which to me would bring hopelessness, yet they come to our ministry and share. They make you have hope. They seek the refuge of God, Christ and his church. We see their example of simple piety. “I look at their stories as ‘little miracles’ – miracles in the sense that in their own tragedy they can bring joy and happiness to other people in a way you least expect.”
LEARN MORE About the ministry of consolation in the Diocese of Sacramento, including online training, at www.scd.org/ bereavement. To contact George Alvarado about the ministry of consolation in Spanish, email to tekeemon@hotmail.com or call 916-747-1960.
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YOUR STORIES COVER STORY
MINISTRY OF
CONSOLATION Deacon Michael and Barbara share the prayerful and pastoral journey with the grieving and their families BY JULIE SLY PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOSE LUIS VILLEGAS
C
OPING WITH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE OR A LOSS of any kind can be one of the most challenging experiences people face.
In those difficult times, a parish ministry of consolation can be a source of comfort and support to those who have suffered a loss.
Offering spiritual, emotional, social and practical support to parishioners who – for whatever reason – are working their way through loss and the grieving process involves being a good listener, say Deacon Michael and Barbara Turner of St. Rose of Lima Parish in Roseville, grief ministry trainers for the Diocese of Sacramento. “We teach consolation ministers to listen,” Barbara says. “Grief can come with the loss of a loved one, the loss of a This ministry has opened our job, the loss of health or simply eyes as to the many different the loss of independence as one ways we see grief, how many gets older. When you listen, you times we see grief in one day, journey with people as they tell their stories. and how many people out “Listening is important because there are grieving,” she says. we live in a culture that doesn’t “We never realized the full want to talk about death, doesn’t extent of it before. It has also want to give us time to grieve, and doesn’t even want us to get taught us how we want to die old. So sometimes people shove and who we choose to have their grief aside or swallow it, not around us at the final stages seeking support when they need of life. It has taken the fear of it or dealing with their grief in unhealthy ways.” death away.” “Listening is key,” adds Deacon Michael, who was ordained BARBARA TURNER in 2014. “Those of us in this ministry don’t have the answers, but the answers are within the person who is grieving. We try to help them bring the answers out.” Deacon Michael and Barbara, who have been married for 46 years and have five adult children and seven grandchildren, have been leading free two-day workshops on the ministry of consolation. Their 20
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aim is to train parish ministers in the prayerful and pastoral journeying with the dying and their families, as well as preparation and planning for all prayer rituals of the Order of Christian Funerals. Their most recent workshop, provided by Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services, was held in June at St. Mary Cemetery and Funeral Center in Sacramento. “Ministry of consolation” is taken from the church’s Order of Christian Funerals. Deacon Michael and Barbara encourage parishes to develop a ministry of consolation (or grief ministry) program, taking its inspiration from the OCF. They note that outreach at the time of death brings comfort to those in mourning, can evangelize those who have been away from the church, and revitalizes parish life for those who are involved in the ministry. Encouraging lay parishioners to minister to families experiencing the loss of a loved one offers the sense that the whole parish is supporting the deceased’s family, they add. One of the exercises for participants in the ministry of consolation workshop is writing their own obituary, Deacon Michael notes. “This helps people reflect on their entire lives and the reality of death,” he says. “We also emphasize that the greatest gift you can give your children is to pre-plan your own Catholic funeral services and burial, to give you and them peace of mind and they will know your wishes.” In their home parish of St. Rose of Lima for the past 16 years, Barbara has coordinated a eucharistic ministry to the sick and homebound. The Journey in the Spirit ministry offers daily hospital visits to Sutter Roseville and Kaiser Roseville hospitals; weekly visits to retirement centers, board and care homes, and parishioners in their homes; daily visits and assessment of the spiritual needs of clients on hospice care and their families; and grief counseling for those suffering a loss. Barbara says some 35 parishioners are now involved in various aspects of the ministry, with some laypeople involved in more than one aspect of the ministry. Father Michael Cormack, pastor emeritus of St. Rose of Lima, and Deacon Peter Silott, who died in
Deacon Michael and Barbara Turner during a moment of prayer inside St. Rose of Lima Church in Roseville.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.� Matthew 5:4 21
2016, initiated the ministry in 1988. Deacon Peter was We leave the chaplain at Sutter Roseville door open and Hospital for 30 years. In the early days of the ministry, say give us a call. Catholic patients would I try to do less receive visits from lay talking and more ministers who would bring listening and the Eucharist, holy cards, rosaries and offer prayer. try to read their Over time, the ministry needs. There’s began to focus exclusively on no sense in the Eucharist. saying let’s meet Lay ministers involved in Journey in the Spirit again in two are “people who are called weeks if they by the Holy Spirit to be of don’t want it. It’s service to the lonely, sick, also helped me dying and those suffering from loss.” recognize again With the ministers’ the different dedication, compassion things we can and love for the grieve.” work they do in this sacramental DEACON MICHAEL ministry, “all things TURNER come together for the greater glory of God and his church on earth,” Barbara writes in an announcement she places periodically in the parish bulletin. “When we share in the presence, prayer and the sacrament of the Eucharist, we are bringing support, comfort and hope. Listening with compassion and letting Christ lead us, we strive to do nothing except let him speak, let him touch, and let him heal his people.” “In the past 16 years, we have had four lay ministers who did their ministry up until a week before they went on hospice care themselves,” she notes. “I didn’t even know they were sick – that’s how this ministry touches people and those who work in it. And then we became ministers to them. It’s just beautiful.” When Deacon Michael retired in 2006 after a 29-year career with the California Highway Patrol, “little by little” he was encouraged by Barbara to be involved in the eucharistic ministry. They also decided to expand their knowledge by attend training workshops and seminars in grief ministry, including one led by Sandy Heinisch, grief minister/ counselor in the Diocese of Oakland and longtime trainer with the National Catholic Ministry to the Bereaved. Their own training as grief ministers helped them realize that the ministry of 22
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consolation needed to be added at St. Rose of Lima. So three years ago, the long-standing eucharistic ministry expanded to include grief ministry. Journey in the Spirit is “more extensive and all encompassing,” Barbara notes. “We found that once lay ministers touched the family by bringing the Eucharist to someone, whether in the hospital or at home, or if the person who was visited went into hospice or some other care, they wanted support to continue. We observed a disconnect between our ministry to the sick and dying and what happens after death occurs, so we knew we needed to add in this element.” “There are different needs — grief comes in many shapes and forms,” she adds. “Some are dealing with the death of a loved one; many elderlies grieve their loss of independence. They might be grieving the loss of a person declining in health or seeing your spouse put on hospice care. Every person we meet is a new and exciting challenge. We do a lot of praying and we trust in the Holy Spirit to give us the words and energy to get the work done.” Some people require one or two individual grief counseling sessions, while others may want several or on a continuing basis, Deacon Michael says. “We leave the door open and say give us a call. I try to do less talking and more listening and try to read their needs. There’s no sense in saying let’s meet again in two weeks if they don’t want it. It’s also helped me recognize again the different things we can grieve.” Barbara reflects on the lasting impact serving in the ministry of consolation has had on their lives. “This ministry has opened our eyes as to the many different ways we see grief, how many times we see grief in one day, and how many people out there are grieving,” she says. “We never realized the full extent of it before. It has also taught us how we want to die and who we choose to have around us at the final stages of life. It has taken the fear of death away. You start asking yourself questions and changing the way you live. “The awesome gift of journeying with someone as they are dying, and being with people who open their grief-stricken hearts to me, has taught me to how to live better,” she concludes. “I live without regrets and all my affairs are in order ready to die. What freedom that gives me to live each moment as if it were my last! My eyes have been opened to the simple joys around me.”
LEARN MORE About upcoming workshops on the ministry at consolation by contacting Nicole Zamora at Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services at 916-840-2138 or nzamora@ cfcssacramento.org. About bereavement and consolation ministry in the Diocese of Sacramento at www.scd.org/bereavement.
HELEN IS THANKFUL FOR JOURNEY IN THE SPIRIT MINISTRY Barbara Turner brings Communion to Helen Daly in her home.
Helen Daly, a parishioner of St. Rose of Lima in Roseville, has benefited greatly from Journey in the Spirit ministry. She suffered the unexpected death of her son, Sean, in an accident a year ago. Residing in her home of 50 years, she has become dependent on family and caregivers. She mourns the loss of her son and her independence, among other things. On a recent afternoon visit with Barbara, she recalls her grandparents’ arrival to Ellis Island from Italy, some stories of her youth, and her adventures over the years. Barbara brings her Communion. Helen’s daughter, Katie Wlasiuk, is also visiting. Katie sought out the ministry of consolation for her mother. “My mom and I were having problems dealing with the loss of Sean,” Katie says. “I took her to Kaiser for counseling a few times. Then our friend, Sherry, told us about the Journey in the Spirit ministry, so I called. The added plus is that mom gets Communion every week as well. Both my parents have always been devout Catholics.” Barbara and Helen converse. Barbara: “Helen, I know that you will never stop missing Sean. You loved him. But have my visits helped you?” Helen: “I just try to get by day by day. I remember the good things Sean did. He went to the seminary for the Christian Brothers. He came out after a few years. I don’t know why. He went on to help people in Mexico. I remember one of the last times I saw him he was singing his heart out with a group, just smiling and loving it. I think it is best just to be thankful for all the wonderful times I had with him.” Barbara: “How does it make you feel to talk about him with me?” Helen: “A little sad, I guess, but I like doing it. It helps me remember. Now I’m deciding what to do with the rest of my life.” Barbara: “So you’re creating ‘the new you’ at the young age of 99?” Helen (smiling): “Yes. I’m growing up with all that life teaches me. I like to read a lot. 23
Kevin Danz and Diane Gordon are Family Service Advisors at St. Mary Cemetery and Funeral Center in Sacramento.
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YOUR STORIES OUR STORY
‘GOD PUT ME HERE’
WITH FAITH AND EXPERTISE, KEVIN AND DIANE GUIDE FAMILIES THROUGH FUNERAL AND CEMETERY PLANNING BY LYNETTE MAGNINO PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEVE GERMAN
A
N OCCUPATION IN FUNERAL SERVICES may not be a top-of-mind career choice among the larger population, but for employees Kevin Danz and Diane Gordon of St.
Mary Cemetery and Funeral Center in Sacramento? Well, they love their work.
As Family Service Advisors, they work for one of four funeral centers and 11 cemeteries operating under Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services (CFCS) of the Diocese of Sacramento. Both are sure God led them to their work. “Call it God’s direction,” says Kevin with conviction. He remembers how he needed a job as a student at Modesto Junior College. A 3 x 5 card pinned to a bulletin board in the placement center advertised a position with a funeral home. “They needed someone to run errands, wash cars, sweep sidewalks, and take flowers to the cemetery,” he explains, describing how the interview resulted in an on-the-spot hiring. Within months, he realized he liked it and commenced a lifelong career that included training and licensures for work as an embalmer, funeral director and funeral home manager. In 2001, he joined the staff at St. Mary Cemetery. Kevin admits “never in my wildest ideas” did he imagine this, but “I like the service component of it and I like helping people,” he says. He describes that he
feels comfortable and even gifted to work with people at deeply emotional and difficult times. Diane, too, describes how “I never would have picked this; God put me here.” She accepted the position at St. Mary Cemetery nearly seven years ago after layoffs in her workplace claimed her whole division. Out of work for nine months, she asked, “God, what do you want me to do?” She applied for the position and two weeks later she got the call, quite certain her devout mother had prayed that God would lead Diane back to her faith. Death and dying had surrounded Diane as a young adult, with too many friends lost to accidents on the snowy roads of Michigan. She moved to California and never looked back. “I put it out there and this is what happened,” Diane says of submitting her application and overwhelmed that “at 55, I have found my mission in life.” Having never experienced such focused purpose in prior work, she views her position as “the best job I’ve ever had.” Diane senses a special 25
and planning for death. “Talk about it now,” Kevin insists, recommending that families “embrace it, accept it and honor the passing, and don’t be afraid to talk about it now.” Diane echoes that advice and emphasizes the importance of letting your wishes be known through thoughtful planning. She adds that everything does not have to happen all at once and pre-planning alleviates the burden on grieving children and family members. “Anything that is pre-planned is a gift,” Kevin maintains, having witnessed the trials of those who simply had to “figure it out” during a time of pain and loss. “It’s a gift to your family because you love them and you care for them.”
At 55, I have found my mission in life. DIANE GORDON
connection with the families she serves and how often it feels meant to be that she should be helping people “who need to be with you.” “It’s all about making sure families have all the information they need about the options available to them,” Diane conveys, often viewing her role as more educational while also balancing sensitivities as people endure grief and loss. PRE-NEED AND AT-NEED SERVICES
Kevin and Diane work with families to pre-plan funeral services and cemetery needs, or in the event of a death with no prior arrangements, they assist families “at need” at times of unexpected death. “Ideally, people have preplanned,” Kevin says, noting that “it’s the highest option we strive for but it’s not always the way it works out.” He estimates that about two-thirds of families served have pre-planned funeral and cemetery needs, making all the choices in advance. “Sometimes we receive calls from families with an immediate loss and they haven’t pre-planned,” Diane notes, expounding on layers of difficulties for loved ones. Often families know little about what the deceased person may have wanted and, laden with grief, they 26
must navigate a sea of choices in addition to financial, cultural and religious factors. “It can be emotional and there can be disagreements,” Kevin confirms, indicating that such delicate situations require a lot of talking and a lot of listening. Kevin and Diane engage in regular outreach to parishes attending weekend Masses throughout the diocese to inform parishioners and encourage them to consider preplanning. They also point out that CFCS serves people of all faith traditions and they strive to be flexible in meeting family needs and honoring the wishes of the deceased. Family Service Advisors stress that pre-planning can be easy and accomplished in a few appointments, although some may opt to make choices over time. Catholic parishioners also can benefit from discounts and payment plans. Diane lists several important decisions, from full body casket burial or cremation to the types of preferred services. Will there be a visitation and vigil? A parish funeral Mass? A headstone? Has property been purchased? As a full-service end-of-life provider, CFCS offers funeral home services and six options for committal to a final resting place. Both Kevin and Diane emphasize the importance of talking about
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LEARN MORE About the ministry of Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services or speak with a Family Service Advisor by visiting www. cfcssacramento.org or by calling 916-452-4831. About employment opportunities with Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services at www.scd.org/employment.
Anything that is preplanned is a gift. It’s a gift to your family because you love them and you care for them. KEVIN DANZ
Nicole Zamora, right, of St. Clare Parish in Roseville, and Eddie Goff, talk about how they came to know each other when Nicole took care of her mother, Consuelo Roberts, in the years before her death.
Grateful for their friendship born of circumstance Nicole's and Eddie's experiences convinced them of the benefits of advanced funeral planning BY JULIE SLY PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEVE GERMAN
YOUR STORIES OUR STORY
F
riendships often happen between people when unexpected circumstances bring
their lives together.
Such a bond formed between Nicole Zamora, her mother, Consuelo Roberts, and Eddie Goff, all members of St. Clare Parish in Roseville, when Nicole took care of her mother in her home for a few years, until Consuelo’s death from cancer in December 2017. It’s a friendship that Consuelo and Eddie treasured, and one that Nicole and Eddie still treasure today. Eddie, a founding member of St. Clare Parish, met Consuelo when she moved from Stockton to Roseville in 2015 to live with Nicole, her husband, Art, and their two sons. Consuelo joined St. Clare and became involved in the Tuesday morning women’s faith sharing group, of which Eddie has been a member of since 2002. Eddie and Consuelo became close friends in the faith sharing group. “It was lovely that we met and we established a friendship while she was still well enough to come each week,” Eddie recalls, with tears
Eddie Goff of St. Clare Parish in Roseville visits Calvary Cemetery in Citrus Heights, where she will be laid to rest.
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welling up a bit in her eyes. “When she got so sick and couldn’t come, I would go to Nicole’s house and visit her. I loved visiting her – I could have just stayed there forever. She always made me happy – always. Even the day before she passed, Consuelo made me happy.” “It’s like my mom and Eddie should have always met,” Nicole adds. Consuelo “wanted to put her affairs in order for my brother Trevor and me,” Nicole recounts. Following Mass one Sunday in 2016 at St. Clare, Nicole and her family joined Consuelo in attending a presentation by Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services. “I knew we had to talk about it as a family, and my mom knew we had to talk about it, but it was one of those things you don’t want to do,” she says. In the summer of 2016, Consuelo asked Nicole to meet her for lunch and to visit Calvary Cemetery in Citrus Heights. Nicole also brought her youngest son, who was eight at the time. “My mom wanted to pre-plan her Catholic funeral services and burial arrangements, to make sure I didn’t have to do it all,” Nicole says. Consuelo chose a family heritage option on the lawn behind the chapel at Calvary Cemetery. Three generations of family members can be laid to rest there in the one location. Consuelo “wanted an area where her grandchildren would feel comfortable gathering after Saturday 10 a.m. Mass, and where my brother and I would bring our families,” Nicole says. “We would pray for her at Mass and then gather right outside. Our kids wouldn’t have to feel like it was daunting or scary. That’s how my mom decided on her location.” Nicole shares: “It was a hard thing for me to sit next to my mom when she was discussing her funeral plans. I went home that night and described it to my husband. You are on the cemetery grounds and talking about death. It’s a peaceful place, but still you somehow don’t want to be there. My mom knew she wanted her vigil, funeral liturgy and committal on consecrated ground, and she wasn’t going to compromise on those.” Consuelo didn’t know that Eddie had made her arrangements also at Calvary and had chosen a burial place on the back lawn, not far from where Consuelo’s final resting place is located. “I asked Consuelo if she had picked a place for burial and she said yes. I asked her where it was,” Eddie recalls. “She showed me her place on the back lawn and I said, that’s where mine is! It was just coincidental, as we had never planned it together. I had already started my plans and my payments before she made hers. We were just so excited to know we would be near each other.” Eddie, who grew up in Oakland and is a graduate of St. Lawrence O’Toole School, has two adult children and two grandchildren and has lived in the Sacramento area since 1974. Coincidentally, her two grandchildren, Nicole and Trevor, have the same names as Consuelo’s children. 28
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“I was blessed because I got to witness all of my mom’s wishes unfold with the experience of her death, funeral and burial. As I now talk about the importance of advanced planning, I’m not talking about what someone explained to me, but I’m speaking from my own experience in a personal way." NICOLE ZAMORA
Eddie’s parents are buried at Holy Sepulchre Catholic Cemetery in Hayward. She says advanced planning was important to her, because her younger brother died in his early 60s and there were no funeral plans in place. “I thought I am older and I don’t want this to happen to my family, so I should have my plans in place,” Eddie says. One factor in Eddie’s decision to choose a Catholic cemetery is that it is an extension of her parish and a place for prayer and reflection, hope and remembrance. “I want this to be an expression of my faith, and I also want to be buried on consecrated ground,” she notes. Nicole and Eddie are grateful they became friends during the last few years of Consuelo’s life. They didn’t know that their experiences would bring them on the same page regarding pre-planning one’s funeral and burial arrangements. They both cite the benefits of advanced funeral and cemetery planning as one of the most loving and responsible things you can do for your family. They add that celebrating the gift of faith with family and friends is an essential part of the grieving and healing process. “In planning for her funeral and cemetery needs, my mom ensured that her wishes were met and provided peace of mind for herself and her loved ones,” says Nicole, who, in the last few months of Consuelo’s life in 2017 began a career with Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services as director of community outreach. “I was blessed because I got to witness all of my mom’s wishes unfold with the experience of her death, funeral and burial. As I now talk about the importance of advanced planning, I’m not talking about what someone explained to me, but I’m speaking from my own experience in a personal way. I don’t wish this on anyone, but it was destined for me to learn about this ministry through my mom’s death.” Nicole Zamora brings flowers to the grave of her mother, Consuelo Roberts, at Calvary Cemetery in Citrus Heights.
LEARN MORE About the ministry of Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services or speak with a Family Service Advisor by visiting www. cfcssacramento.org or by calling 916-452-4831.
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more than 150 years throughout Northern California. Five years ago, Bishop Soto launched St. Mary Funeral Center so we can better serve the Catholic community within the diocese.
WHY CHOOSE A CATHOLIC FUNERAL CENTER? We are Catholics serving Catholics. This does not imply that other funeral homes cannot work with Catholic families. Many do and they do a fine job. The difference is that we are Catholics working with Catholics. From the time we pick up a decedent until we lay a loved one to rest, we are steeped in the Catholic rites. We connect families with their parish and pastor. In conjunction with your parish, we deliver the vigil, the funeral Mass and the committal with only one phone call from you.
WHAT FUNERAL OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE? Funeral options are many. Each is designed to fit your family’s needs and budget. The church prefers a two-day vigil, followed by a funeral Mass at your parish and then a committal service at
our cemetery. We have a crematory on site. It is recommended that planned cremations follow the funeral Mass whenever possible. The committal can occur within 48 hours of the cremation.
WHY CHOOSE A CATHOLIC CEMETERY? There are two types of places that are 100 percent consecrated ground — your local parish church and our cemeteries. Many cemeteries will say they have a Catholic section, but it is not. It’s an area where they place a saint’s name on a banner. The ground is not consecrated until a priest blesses the ground when laying someone to rest. What makes us different is that we are Catholic. Each Saturday at 10 a.m., we offer Mass at our chapels and pray for the souls of those entrusted to our care. Additionally, we have special events throughout the year focused on our local Catholic community. One of the events we celebrate is our “Remembrance Tree and Candlelight Vigil.” We also celebrate events such as All Souls Day, Mother’s Day and
Veteran’s Day, to mention a few.
HOW DO I SELECT THE BEST BURIAL OPTION FOR ME? On the surface, this question looks a lot easier to answer than it is. Today, there are many different options available for families — from in-ground to above ground and from full body to cremation. It can be confusing and overwhelming. We have many options available at different price points and with different finance options. All are designed to deliver the service you want at a price you can afford. Please stop by one of our cemeteries and “start the conversation.”
WHY SHOULD I PRE-ARRANGE END-OF-LIFE SERVICES? Pre-arranging your funeral and cemetery plans removes the financial and emotional burden often left behind when a loved one passes. It allows you to make your wishes known and provides your family with the directions you want during a very stressful time. Pre-arranging end-of-life services allows you to lock in today’s prices while choosing 31
LEARN MORE About Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services, funerals, cremations and cemeteries by calling 916-452-4831 or visit www.cfcssacramento.org.
UPCOMING EVENT
from many affordable options designed to fit any family’s budget. We offer no-interest financing and flexible payment term options.
one never leaves our care.
DO YOU OFFER DISCOUNTS FOR PRE-PLANNING FUNERAL AND BURIAL SERVICES?
No. Our cemeteries are consecrated ground. The church does not re-sell consecrated ground. Our cemeteries will not become parking lots, shopping centers or condos – ever.
We have discount programs available for families wanting to plan in advance. To learn more about qualifying, please speak to a Family Service Advisor at any of our locations.
I’M CATHOLIC. CAN I BE CREMATED? Cremation has been allowed within the Catholic Church since 1963, although the church encourages full body burial. In fact, Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services has a crematory on site, so your loved 32
IS THERE A CHANCE MY GRAVE WILL BE RESOLD AFTER A SPECIFIED NUMBER OF YEARS?
WHAT DO I DO IF A DEATH OCCURS? If death is imminent or has occurred, please call 916-4524831 for immediate assistance. We are available to help 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. Jerry Del Core is chief executive officer of Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services.
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The 18th annual Remembrance Tree and Candlelight Vigil will be held on Wednesday, Dec. 11, from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. at St. Mary Cemetery and Funeral Center in Sacramento, Calvary Cemetery and Funeral Center in Citrus Heights, All Souls Cemetery and Funeral Center in Vallejo and St. Joseph Cemetery in Woodland. A special blessing will be offered for all of the faithfully departed whose decorated memorial ornaments are hung on our Christmas trees. A table will be set up with limited art supplies starting at 4 p.m. Come early to decorate the free memorial ornaments. Decoration tables close at 6:30 p.m. and the vigil starts promptly at 7 p.m.
LOCATIONS St. Mary Cemetery and Funeral Center, 6509 Fruitridge Road, Sacramento. 916452-4831. Calvary Cemetery and Funeral Center, 7101 Verner Ave., Citrus Heights. 916726-1232. All Souls Cemetery and Funeral Center, 550 Glen Cove Road, Vallejo. 707-6445209. St. Joseph Cemetery, 860 West St., Woodland. 916-595-5758.
YOUR LIFE
MARRIAGE MATTERS
SHE SAYS:
After my diagnosis, we need to move I was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's – Ron won't be able to cope, so I want to find a place to live.
HE SAYS:
I love Eileen and want to take care of her at home. I think it’s important for us to stay here.
GETTY IMAGES/ISTOCKPHOTO
I want to care for Eileen at home
RON AND EILEEN are obviously concerned for one
WHAT DO THEY DO?
another, and indeed St. John Paul II would applaud them both. In his 1999 Letter to the Elderly, he affirmed Ron’s desire to care for Eileen at home:
“The ideal is for the elderly to remain within the family.”
STEVE AND BRIDGET PATTON
hold master’s degrees in theology and counseling and serve as family life ministers for the Diocese of Sacramento.
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But he also knew this ideal must sometimes give way to reality: “There are situations where circumstances suggest or demand that they be admitted to ‘homes for the elderly’ where they can enjoy the company of others and receive specialized care.” Ron and Eileen should begin by expressing appreciation for one another’s perspectives of love. From there, they can build a plan that reflects both of their desires and concerns for the other. Given the nature of Alzheimer’s, they should not delay. First, gather data. Talk together with health care professionals about what to expect as the disease progresses. How realistic is home care, and for how long? What family members or friends could help? And even if they were to start out with home care, what objective signs could they agree upon for Ron to know when “the time has come”?
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Speaking of, not only would there be no harm in checking out memory care facilities, indeed they should do so now – well before Eileen may need admission to one. Second, pray, and pray together. Thank God for the years you have had with one another, and the years you will yet have. Ask for the wisdom to know the most loving way to carry this new cross together. Finally, what matters most is not where Eileen eventually lives, but how consistently Ron will be present in her life. A bishop once told of an elderly man who every day would visit his wife of many decades even though she had lost virtually all cognitive awareness, including, apparently, any recognition of him. The bishop asked why he would still visit her. He replied, “She may not know who I am any more, but I will always know who she is. She is my bride and the love of my life.”
HERALD HAPPENINGS NOV. 9 — BLACK CATHOLIC HISTORY MONTH MASS. Saturday 5 p.m. St. Rose Church (Kavanagh Hall), 5961 Franklin Blvd., Sacramento. Gospel Mass hosted by the diocese’s Black Catholic Ministry. Fellowship will follow the Mass. For more information, contact Paulist Father Bart Landry at blandry@scd.org or 415-622-7466. Visit www.scd.org/bcm. NOV. 22-24 — RACHEL’S VINEYARD HEALING RETREAT (IN SPANISH). Friday to Sunday. Those who choose abortion are our daughters, sons, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, relatives, friends and members of our parish communities. The impact and pain of abortion hurts, even years after the experience. If you or a loved one have been hurt by abortion, this weekend is for you. Experience God’s healing love and forgiveness in a safe,
nonjudgmental environment. Open to men and women. Cost is $225 per person and financial assistance is available. Contact Paula Segno at 916733-0161 or projectrachel@scd.org. All inquiries are strictly confidential. DEC. 6-8 — ST. JOHN THE EVANGELIST SCHOOL’S 41ST ANNUAL CRAFT FAIR. Friday, 5 p.m. to 9 p.m.; Saturday, 9 a.m. to 7 p.m.; Sunday, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. St. John the Evangelist School, 5701 Locust Ave., Carmichael. More than 150 crafters will be selling holiday items. Please bring a new pair of socks for the needy and be entered into a special drawing. For more information call 916-481-8845. DEC. 7 — YOUTH AND YOUNG ADULT MINISTRY LEADERS’ ADVENT RETREAT. Saturday. 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Newman Catholic Center, 5900
Newman Court, Sacramento. The theme is patience. Featuring Sarah Hart and P.J. Anderson. Cost is $40 and includes lunch and dinner. Register by Nov. 27 at www.scd.org/patienceretreat. For more information contact Rochelle Gammad at 916-733-0123 or rgammad@scd.org. DEC. 10 — POSADA JUVENIL. Tuesday. 6:30 p.m. St. Rose Parish, 5961 Franklin Blvd., Sacramento. Be part of Joseph and Mary's journey to Bethlehem. Join us for food, pinatas, musica, pan dulce and fellowship. Rosary with Bishop Jaime Soto followed by Posadas and Pastorela. Bilingual event. Hosted by the Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry. For more information, contact Alex Barraza at 916-733-1134 or abarraza@scd.org. DEC. 14 — GOSPEL MASS. Saturday 5 p.m. St. Rose Church (Kavanagh
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Hall), 5961 Franklin Blvd., Sacramento. Gospel Mass hosted by the diocese’s Black Catholic Ministry. Fellowship will follow the Mass. For more information, contact Paulist Father Bart Landry at blandry@scd.org or 415-622-7466. Visit www.scd.org/bcm. FIND US ONLINE AT
SCD.ORG
The Magazine of the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2019 VOLUME 11: ISSUE 6
Digital editions available at www.scd.org/catholicherald Most Reverend Jaime Soto PUBLISHER
Julie Sly EDITOR
Cathy Joyce ADVERTISING MANAGER
CONNECTING PEOPLE WITH JESUS AND HIS CHURCH WWW.FAITHCATHOLIC.COM
Patrick M. O’Brien PRESIDENT/CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER
FEB. 1 AND FEB. 2 — FIRED UP CONFIRMATION CONFERENCES. Saturday or Sunday. Christian Brothers High School, 4315 Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Sacramento. The conference is for seventh to 12th graders who will be receiving the sacrament of confirmation in 2020. This is an excellent opportunity to connect your school/parish confirmation program with the larger diocesan community. Bishop Jaime Soto and Bishop Emeritus William K. Weigand will celebrate Mass. For information contact Rochelle Gammad at 916-733-0123 or
rgammad@scd.org. Register at www. confirmationconference.com. Prices increase on Nov. 18; last day to register is Dec. 2. FEB. 16 — FIRED UP CONFIRMATION CONFERENCE. Sunday. St. Patrick-St. Vincent High School, 1500 Benicia Road, Vallejo. The conference is for seventh to 12th graders who will be receiving the sacrament of confirmation in 2020. This is an excellent opportunity to connect your school/parish confirmation program with the larger diocesan community. Bishop Jaime Soto and Bishop Emeritus William K. Weigand will celebrate Mass. For information contact Rochelle Gammad at 916-733-0123 or rgammad@scd.org. Register at www.confirmationconference. com. Prices increase on Nov. 18; last day to register is Dec. 2.
OFFICIAL
Elizabeth Martin Solsburg VICE PRESIDENT AND EDITORIAL DIRECTOR
Jose Luis Mendez GRAPHIC DESIGN
Doug Culp | Rev. Joseph Krupp | Steve and Bridget Patton | Lynette Magnino CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Jose Luis Villegas / Steve German CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS TO ADVERTISE IN CATHOLIC HERALD,
contact Cathy Joyce at 916.733.0173 or cjoyce@faithcatholic.com TO SUBSCRIBE TO CATHOLIC HERALD,
call 916.733.0266
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Catholic Herald (ISSN 0746-4185) is published bimonthly, six times per year, by the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento, 2110 Broadway, Sacramento, CA 95818-2518. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Catholic Herald, Catholic Foundation, Diocese of Sacramento, 2110 Broadway, Sacramento, CA 95818-2518. Subscription rates are $15 per year. Individual issues are $2. Send all subscription information and address changes to : Catholic Herald, 2110 Broadway, Sacramento, CA 95818-2518; 916.733.0266 or e-mail to Mjimenez@scd.org. © Catholic Herald, Diocese of Sacramento. © FAITH Catholic.
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Bishop Jaime Soto has made the following canonical appointments: DEACONS Effective Aug. 1, 2019 • Deacon Paul L. DeVito, a deacon of the Diocese of Las Cruces, CA, has been appointed to serve at St. Joseph Parish, Lincoln. • Deacon Donald Galli, previously assigned to St. Lawrence Parish, North Highlands, has been appointed Deacon of Holy Family Parish, Citrus Heights. Effective Aug. 15, 2019 • Deacon Thomas E. O’Connell, previously assigned to St. Thomas the Apostle Parish, Oroville, has been granted permission to retire. Effective Sept. 3, 2019 • Deacon Anthony Pescetti, previously assigned to St. Mel Parish, Fair Oaks, has been appointed Deacon of St. Ignatius Loyola Parish, Sacramento. Effective Sept. 5, 2019 • Deacon Rudolph A. Fernandes, a deacon from the Diocese of St. Petersburg, currently assigned to St. Rose Parish, Sacramento, has been granted a leave from his parish duties, concluding on Dec. 31, 2019.
Catholic Herald | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2019 | WWW.SCD.ORG
PRIESTS Effective Sept. 1, 2019 • Rev. Bernardin Mugabo, Pastor of St. John the Evangelist Parish, Carmichael, has been elected to the Presbyteral Council as a representative of the American River constituency. He replaces Father Martin J. Ramat, who now belongs to the Sutter Buttes Deanery. • Rev. Carlo Paul G. Tejano, Parochial Administrator of St. Joseph Parish, Auburn, has been elected to the Presbyteral Council as a representative of the Mother Lode and Gold Country constituencies. He replaces Father Lawrence J. Beck, who resigned. Effective Sept. 3, 2019 • Rev. Mauricio Hurtado, previously Parochial Administrator of St. Theresa Parish, South Lake Tahoe, has been appointed Pastor of the same. In MEMORIAM • Rev. Benedict S. DeLeon died on Aug. 18, 2019. He was born on Jan. 21, 1954. Ordained to the priesthood on March 22, 1980. Father DeLeon served the Diocese of Sacramento for 39 years. —Kathy Conner, Chancellor
Sculpture of Meister Eckhart in Germany. Photo by Wikimedia Commons/Lothar Spurzem.
MEISTER ECKHART AND THE IDEA OF AN AFTERLIFE LAST WORD
W
HEN I CELEBRATE A FUNERAL THESE DAYS, I find myself asking questions about death that I didn’t
think about much when I was younger: How do we know there is an afterlife? What is it like to cross that divide between time and eternity? Is it scary?
MSGR. JAMES MURPHY
is former associate publisher of Catholic Herald and rector emeritus of the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament.
That has led me to read more of Meister Eckhart, a medieval theologian who is arguably one of the greatest mystics of our Christian tradition. Eckhart doesn’t talk much about death but he does talk a lot about the nature of the soul and why it is made for eternity. Yes, the soul is designed for eternity. It belongs there. We all belong there. Actually most of us get a hint of eternity at times, almost despite ourselves. Think of the feeling you get while listening to a favorite piece of music or looking at a sunset: that sudden intuitive awareness that there is more to life than the material world. It is not a conclusion you reach from discursive reasoning. It is a sudden insight, a flash of illumination that comes from what Eckhart calls the Ground of
Your Soul. (For an example, search Andre Rieu and Ghoerghe Zamfir playing “The Lonely Shepherd” on YouTube, and watch the reaction of the audience.) What Eckhart says is that there is a divine spark inside all of us, a side of us that transcends time and space, an immaterial element that reflects the transcendent eternity of God. The problem is that this spark is so buried beneath our feelings and fears, our busy plans and ambitions, that we are often unaware of it. We are so trapped by these distractions that we mistake them for our real identity. We think that is who we are. It is not. We are more than that. For example, if you can stand back and observe your feelings, that is an indication that you are not those feelings. If you can reflect on your profession, that is an indication that you are not that profession. It is simply something you do to earn a living. Your true identity is something much deeper, but you can only reach it by practicing what Eckhart calls an attitude of detachment. You have to strip away all those preoccupations and distractions that veil your true nature. When you do that, you enter the nameless depths of yourself which is similar to the nameless depths of God -- the Holy One who made you in his own image and likeness. We are a strange mixture, we humans, as Benedictine Father Cyprian Smith says. We are animals who are begotten in bed, subject to all kinds of primitive instincts, and yet we are eternal, destined to transcend the time and space in which we are born. Note that this assumes that we see God as someone on the “inside” rather than on the “outside.” Most of us begin by finding God on the outside and we project all kinds of human qualities onto him, as if he were some kind of bearded father looking down on creation. There is nothing wrong with that. The sacraments and the entire liturgy of the church assists us in viewing God as someone outside us. But Eckhart is pushing us to gradually grow past that stage and see God inside also, hidden in the Ground of Your Soul. That is where St Augustine found God many centuries ago and the fathers of the church before him. The struggle to get there can be long and arduous, but when we do “we are troubled neither by the thought of our past experiences nor of possible troubles and preoccupations still to come…and we stand upright on the borders of the world of time, gazing into eternity.” (“The Way of Paradox” by Father Cyprian Smith, OSB, who died in April 2019) And that is the answer to the questions I posed in the first paragraph. Eternity begins in this life, long before we die. 39
November/December 2019
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