MY
Authentic Life
magazine
SENSITIVES TANTRUM OR MELTDOWN
WHINE OR SHINE
MANIFESTING YOUR JOURNEY
Dr. Partha & Kali Nandi
A TRUE LOVE STORY
MARCH 2018
Enjoy the Journey
Changing Lives with a Life Changing Magazine CALLING ALL • Entrepreneurs • Foundations, Organizations, Non-Profits • Existing Publishers Our Mission is to create awareness by designing a customized magazine for local communities, organizations, or foundations through our publishing efforts. By highlighting true-to-life stories and articles that touch the hearts and minds of so many, we educate, empower and inspire readers. Making your publication a must have in any community, organization, foundation or non-profits.
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Maria Rea As the founder of MY Authentic Life Magazine, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read our extraordinary publication. We aspire to empower and inspire you with articles written by our amazing writers. I believe we are all here for a reason greater than ourselves and to serve a divine purpose. It’s how we choose to react to what is placed before us that allows us to succeed.
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MY
Authentic Life
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MY Authentic Life magazine is a monthly publication that encourages others to live their best life. MY Media and Publishing Group makes every effort to provide accurate information in advertising, editorial content and placement: however, we do not make any claims as to the accuracy of information provided by advertisers or editorial contributors and will accept no responsibility or liability for inaccurate information or placement. No content can be duplicated without the permission of MY Media and Publishing Group. For inquiries e-mail maria.mymediagroup@gmail.com. 6 | MY Magazine
contributing writers
Kathryn Andries Patrick Andries The Dream Experts
Liz Bull
Sharon Carne
Tamara Green
David Larson
Kate Sholonski
Carol Benson
Annabell Cohen
Dr. Nekeshia Hammond
Judy Lipson
Janette Stuart
Wini Curley
Kerri Hummingbird
Corey Poirier
Ellen Rogin
Gary Stuart myauthenticlifemagazine.com 7
from the publisher The Law of Attraction Says; What You Think About You Bring About. The Law of Attraction is the idea that we can attract anything we want into our life by visualizing our desired results, using affirmations, expecting good things to happen, being appreciative and taking inspired action. I realize that this may seem simplistic, I mean who doesn’t want to just feel good and visualize a great future, right? But I can assure you that it is not. The most critical first step in understanding the law of attraction is to understand that our thoughts matter and that our thoughts create our entire lives. They create our feelings, which then create our actions, which then create our lives. Think about it for a minute, the words, I can’t, I shouldn’t, I don’t, I am not, are all words we say when we are confused about the direction we are heading. They make us feel that we are unable to do what we desire to do, and has a result we create non-action in our lives. On the other hand, the words I can, I will, I do and I am, are words that give us power and make us feel that we can do anything, leading us to take action.
“Your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your life.”
It’s as simple as, if we say we can, then we can and we do. If we say, we can’t, then we can’t, and we don’t. Our mind always agrees. Believing that we can and taking inspired action, will always lead us in the direction of success. Many people over the years have called me “a master at manifesting.” I have to admit that I am. I proudly proclaim; if I can think it, I can make it happen, and you can too. Here are a few steps that have helped me to increase my ability to manifest. Clarity – You have to know what you want before you can declare that you want it. Start by clearing your mind. Think about what is missing in your life, and then begin the process of writing down ways that you could bring these missing things into your life. This will start an inner dialogue, causing you to come up with some creative ideas on how to get what you want. The more specific you can be, the better. Create An Attitude – An attitude of gratitude. Always be conscious and thankful for what is being shown to you. Whether it’s, creative ideas, finding a clear direction, putting up with crabby kids, standing in long lines at the grocery store, or stuck in traffic, every situation relays a message. It could be a little as finding patience in that moment. No matter what the circumstance, gratitude allows us to look at things from a different perspective and gives us a new way to look at our lives and the world around us. Self-Talk – Don’t worry; no one is listening but you. Focus on how you talk to yourself and others. Is it positive or negative? For example, I am so tired of being tired; I wish I could get more sleep. Instead, try, I didn’t get much sleep last night, I’m going to make sure I get to bed early tonight. Another example, I feel fat and ugly, I can’t even get into my jeans. Instead, try, I’m going eat healthy today, I can’t wait to fit into my jeans again. It’s all about how it makes you feel when you say it. Positive self-talk will keep you in a place of receiving. Visualize Your Dreams – I use this process all of the time. I am a huge believer in creating a vision board. Once you become clear in the direction you want to take, whether it’s too loose weight, have a healthier relationship, create an abundant business or maybe it’s all of those, find images, pictures, or drawings to create your board. Images enable us to visually see what it is we want, bringing it foremost in our minds. Hang it where it can be seen every day as a reminder of what’s to come. Vision boards will evolve as visions expand, add to it often. Manifesting what you want can be fun, so play with it, but to make it work you have to be willing to take action. Nothing happens if you don’t take the steps forward to create the life you desire. Start by incorporating the few steps I have mentioned and see where it takes you.
Maria Rea – Publisher maria.mymediagroup.com myauthenticlifemagazine.com 8 | MY Magazine
RELEASE THE BELIEFS THAT HOLD YOU BACK FROM LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE Have Maria speak at your next event!
Maria speaks with 100% transparency and accepts that her suffering tells a story and that her truth heals. No matter how spiritual, kind, or compassionate a person many be, we all are a result of our past fears and judgments.
Love For Self, Love For others, Love for life!
To learn more and to download Maria Rea’s full speaker bio visit my-mediagroup.com
PUTTING IMPACT INTO ACTION Breakthrough your barriers & claim the missing pieces to uplevel the influence of your business as a transformational thought leader.
GLOBAL INFLUENCE SUMMIT March 14–16, 2018 in San Diego, California Grab your ticket now to join other authors, speakers, coaches and purpose-driven entrepreneurs at this 3-day deep dive retreat on increasing your reach and impact on the planet. If you have a movement to take to the world, you’ll want to join the other powerhouses in the room to amplify your impact and grow your business in a deeply, meaningful way. Speakers include Charmaine Hammond, Teresa de Grosbois, Joseph Ranseth and Brian Smith
GET YOUR TICKETS HERE GLOBALINFLUENCESUMMIT.COM
IN THIS ISSUE march 2018
feature
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Dr. Partha and Kali Nandi A True Love Story
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22
Your Business Genius Zones How Connected or Engaged are You?
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Disappointment or Opportunity Five Steps to Adjust to Setbacks
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34
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42 44
Spring Cleaning is Good for Your Mind What I Learned from an Olympic Medalist Talk to Tamara The Relationship Whisperer Rough Edges Sensitives: Tantrum or Meltdown?
48 50 56
58 62
66 68 74 78
Whine or Shine Manifesting Your Journey The Dream Experts What Does Your Dream Mean Spring Cleaning for the Spirit What I Learned About Abundance in a Village in Ghana Joy as a Journey Mothers and Daughters Ending the Junk Food Habit A Star-Studded Appetizer Party myauthenticlifemagazine.com 13
A True Love Story
Dr. Partha and Kali Nandi by Maria Rea
H
ave you ever noticed an undeniable connection between two people? That is what Dr. Partha and Kali Nandi have as their light
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illuminates the world. You can’t meet this dynamic duo without seeing how much they respect and value each other while changing the world with the work they are doing.
Dr. Partha Nandi is the creator and host of the nationally and internationally syndicated medical lifestyle television show, The Dr. Nandi Show, reaching 95 million homes
Health in Jamaica and India and collaborated with The World Health Organization. Dr. Nandi travels to international conferences and symposia, meeting with global health leaders on his quest to improve health care quality, access, and advocacy; to empower the world in his mission, “To Be Your Own Health Hero.” He is also a husband, father and neighbor. Kali Nandi is an RN as well as the Chief Operating Officer at the Dr. Nandi show. She is a mom, a wife, producer, spiritual seeker, yoga doer and always a work in progress. Married 7years, Kali is the Ying to Partha’s yang, as Ginger Rogers is to Fred Astaire, a true Hollywood-like couple. These two seems to have it all but make no mistake, they work incredibly hard every day to educate, empower and inspire others.
IN PARTHA’S EARLY YEARS Born in Calcutta India, Partha Nandi was raised by two amazing parents who taught he and his sister, Mohua, about family values, compassion, and love. Living a happy existence, Partha’s earliest years were fueled by curiosity and fortitude; he led the active lifestyle of a happy little boy. daily. Dr. Nandi is the Chief Health Editor at WXYZ ABC Detroit, a practicing physician, and a renowned international speaker. Dr. Nandi has partnered with the Ministry of
At the tender age of 6, Partha suddenly developed devastating joint pains that left him lethargic and withdrawn. Concerned, his parents quickly
sought medical advice for there once flourishing young son. From traditional to alternative doctors, Partha’s parents were hard-pressed to find the answers needed to help their son. Partha’s mother, being very persistent after there was no diagnosis was found for her son, took on the role as Partha’s health advocate. Listening to her intuition, she insisted on taking him to a specialist. It was then that Dr. Chandrasekhar, a specialist in Bangalore, India would play a huge role in Partha’s life and become his first official Health Hero. Dr. Chandrasekhar, who was charismatic and warm, instantly took the 6-year-old Partha under his wing as he delivered the very serious diagnosis to his parents that Partha had rheumatic fever, a potentially life-threatening disease of the joints and heart. After being hospitalized for 10 days with his father by his bedside, Partha was released from the hospital where he remained on bed rest for the remainder of the year before making a full recovery. Nothing brings a family together more than the illness of a child. Truly united they stand. There are times in one’s life when the memories experienced are etched in the brain and as young as Partha was, the experiences of this illness made a lasting impact introducing him to what would later lead him on the path to his health care journey.
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“I have always understood the presence of God in my life, I grew up watching my mom and dad pray every day, but my spiritually became a way of life. I have learned from a very young age that I was a small part of the universe, and because I was a part of this universe, I really felt I could make it better.”
“My father’s loving strength and the empathy and knowledge from Dr. Chandrasekhar was the true inspiration for my lifelong mission, they showed me the real meaning of a hero.” After immigrating to the United States at the age of 9, Partha and his family moved to Columbus, OH and later to Michigan. “When I saw the spirituality, mindfulness, and yoga practices in the western culture, I loved it! It just fit with who I was,” Partha shared. 16 | MY Magazine
Anything Partha did, his father was always there for him. He taught him that charity begins at home, that family is always first, and that being a part of a family unit is the best thing ever. His mom has always had a large influence on his life as well and it taught Partha things that he still lives today, her love is endless. Partha shares that together their compassionate love for their family is what has taught him to be the husband and father that he is today.
GROWING UP KALI Kali grew up in an all American household. Her parents worked out every
day, nutrition and fitness was a big part of their lives, so Kali knew the importance of health, long before meeting the love of her life. “My mom was always very conscious of what we put in our mouth. My parents have a great presence about them, every day after school my mom and I would spend time together. We would watch Oprah and have these great conversations or watch TV and cook together, Kali shares with a smile. “ I have always been very close to my parents and without your family unit, you can really be lost.” Kali goes on to explain that family is very important to both her and Partha and being blessed to have such incredible parents have grounded them both. “I equate it to when a wave comes along, it was easy to ride it out because you have people who can help you. It can be a tough life when your boat has a hole it in and you feel like you are sinking, that is why we take our parental role so seriously, and I feel is very blessed and fortunate to have grown up with such an amazing family and now with Partha’s family who has my back as well.”
KALI AND PARTHA NANDI A TRUE LOVE STORY Together, Partha and Kali are raising three amazing children, share a medical practice, produce and host a popular TV show that is expanding around the globe.
Starting with the usual romantic and physical attraction, it was their spiritual connection that propelled them to new heights early in their relationship. This true love story encompasses both their personal and professional lives where they take on a shared purpose, vision and mission for a better life and a better world. While others might struggle in the constant presence of their partner, Partha and Kali’s connection to each other is one of boundless spiritual energy. Always speaking their truth and living a heart-centered life, Partha and Kali continue to build on their relationship of mutual love and respect. Just as their marriage is the platform of love, passion, connection, and family, everything they do together is a pillar of that platform teaching that love is the best medicine of all. You
rarely experience a couple so bonded in both matrimony and in their mission.
FAMILY VALUES Partha and Kali take their commitment to raising a happy healthy family very seriously. In the world today, often times there can be a disconnect within the family unit, the Nandi’s use one guiding post to keep everyone on track and that is, they tell the truth always. Moving through life in a mindful, organic, honest and natural way allows for a happy existence. “What I love about raising a family is that although there are many lessons to be taught, we are very mindful of our silliness as well. Often times we will dance around the house, sing into a pretend microphone and laugh until our stomachs hurt,“ shares Partha.
THE DR. NANDI SHOW - A GLOBAL PHENOMENA “When we thought about how we could make a difference in the world, we thought a nice extension would be taking what I do in my medical practice and expand it to help others,” explains Partha. “What if we could reach hundreds, or thousands, or even millions of people to help them to live better lives? That was the thought around the start of our show, The Dr. Nandi show.” The Dr. Nandi Show is an hourlong show that is devoted to topics such as health, well-being, mindfulness, and spirituality. The Dr. Nandi Show is a TV show that brings not only likeminded people together but it allows and teaches you how to be the Hero of your own life. Dr.
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disease around the world. Health hero is a mindset, understanding who you are and how you can help your own mind and body is a way of life that Dr. Nandi is dedicated to teaching others.
Partha Nandi educates others in such an inspirational way that you feel empowered to be all that you can be by causing you to live the very best life you can. What makes ‘The Dr. Nandi Show’ different from all the rest? Besides the obvious, that it is empowering, inspirational, occasionally funny, but always mindful, it is unlike most TV shows who have a studio that backs the production and distribution of that show, and they own that content. The Nandi’s have their own production company with their own distributors and they own their own content. The show is an authentic offering of valuable health, mindfulness and lifestyle information that empowers people to take control of their own health and well-being making them their own Health Hero. This has been Dr. Nandi’s mission is to encourage others to be their own “Health Hero,” and to diminish preventable 18 | MY Magazine
“The best part of our show is that I get to work with my beautiful wife, Kali, and together we are clearly better than the sum of our parts because we have synergy, and the key to that is respect,” Partha shares. “ Everyone knows that 1 +1 equals 2 in elementary school, however, 1+1 in a marriage equals 4 meaning our strengths complement each other, our weaknesses are shared so that we can learn from each other. I’m not saying that we don’t disagree, however, we have something that is so incredible and that is mutual respect. When you have respect, you can get through anything. I’m not talking about always agreeing I’m talking about respecting the others option.” “I have never had anyone believe in me as much as Partha does, he has always seen things in me that I was capable of even when I didn’t know I was capable of them, I love working side by side with my husband and I am so grateful to have him as my partner in this journey,” shares Kali. The show currently airs in 95 million homes in the U.S. as
well as being syndicated in 90 countries around the world. Feeling blessed for the Nandi’s is an understatement.
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE In 2017, tragedy came to the Nandi family as they experienced the devastating loss of his father, Dr. Uma Nandi. For the last years ofUma’slife after suffering a debilitating stroke, the Nandi’s band together to take care of the man that so compassionately raised them. With Partha and kali living just two doors down and Partha’s sister (sister name) now living with their parents, they all took turns to make sure (fathers name) and (mothers name) knew they were loved. “My sister-in-law Mohua has been a huge inspiration to me,” Kali shares. “She has given so much of her life caring for her parents and as much as I admire and love my parents who have been a huge inspiration to me in my life, Partha’s family will move heaven and earth for each other in a way I have never seen before, it is incredible to watch and I am so honored to be apart of such an amazing family.” Being taught at a very young age the importance of family, it comes as no surprise that all of the Nandi’s would come together to take care of their husband, father, and grandfather as they comfort him in the last days of his life here on earth. Their love is ever boundless and the man who once taught them, how to love, that anything is possible, and that family is your rock, would now be watching over them from afar.
“This is definitely the circle of life. My father had such a huge positive presence in my life, it is an honor to model that to my children. As in the circle of life, the father takes care and raises the son and when the father becomes older, the son shifts to taking care of the father. I was honored to do so and miss him deeply. I love you Dad.” Partha shares. “Parenting is a ripple effect, values are taught, handed down and enforced for the greater good. “ There is a respect that we teach our children, and there is no room for one-word answers in our home, we communicate. Our children all get involved, there is dancing and goofiness and togetherness, it’s what makes us a family.” Partha shares. “We all pitch in and we all have fun.”
AWARD WINNING AUTHOR Ask Dr. Nandi: 5 Steps to Becoming Your Own #HealthHero for Longevity, Well-Being, and a Joyful Life
The star of the award-winning TV show, Ask Dr. Nandi, which reaches over eighty-five million US households, empowers readers to become their own health hero. Dr. Partha Nandi delivers passionate, empathetic, and trusted health advice daily to over eighty-five million US households, is seen in ninety countries worldwide, and his Facebook videos have been watched by more than 1.5 million viewers. In a soundbite culture, Ask Dr. Nandi disrupts the status quo by engaging viewers with in-depth discussions on the health and wellness topics that matter to their lives. A health hero means being an advocate for yourself and your family, in sickness and in health. It’s about building the confidence to gain knowledge and use that knowledge to make tough decisions. In Ask Dr. Nandi, Dr. Nandi gives readers the necessary tools to become empowered and take ownership of his or her health
choices. Whether addressing bullying or prostate cancer, community and purpose or fitness and nutrition, Dr. Nandi tackles the tough questions, stimulates conversations, creates a new awareness of options and resources, and guides readers to confidently make the choices that are best for them. To read Dr Nandi’s book and to become your own Health Hero visit askdrnandi.com/book What is your best advice for living your most authentic life? Find your passion and go out and live it. Do what it takes to change the world. We tell our kids, if you can change the life of one person in your lifetime, it makes your life worthwhile. Possessions are just that possessions, the real impact is when you can change the world in a life-changing way… really make a difference.
To learn more about the Nandi’s, and all the amazing work they are doing, visit www.askdrnandi.com
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Loving MY Authentic Life
YOUR BUSINESS GENIUS ZONES How Connected or Engaged Are You? by Carol Benson
I
n doing business in today’s global market and to do it well, HOW YOU CONNECT will make a huge difference for you in all areas. To give you a glimpse into WHY this is so important, see if any of the questions below ring true for you:
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• Are you a leader or business owner who is constantly scrambling for more business? • Do you ever feel like you’re on automatic pilot in your work? • Have you recently experienced sluggish
• Day by day, are you less engaged than you once were in your business? • Is it a challenge to recruit, train and keep a great team on the same page as you? • Once you train a new employee, do they stay longer than 2-years? • Are you anxious or disenchanted with networking opportunities, sales, and negotiation? Now, pause for a bit and connect to how you might feel about any of the above insights. Ask yourself: • How long you’ve been experiencing these things. • Do you feel a physical stress response somewhere in your body, i.e. neck pain, lower back issues, gut tightness?) • Is this something you think you can handle on your own? • Is it a priority for you to have something different show up for you in your business life? And then, just for fun, see if you can enjoy the challenge of just being where you’re at and not making whatever “it” is as wrong. Yes, in the “it doesn’t feel like work” universe it can be just like that! What would you need in order to take action? May I suggest that the main ingredient you may want to consider if you’ve had enough of one of the “red flag” areas above? Are you really DONE with things being more of struggle with unfulfilling results than what you really want? What do you believe it would take for you to shift the results you’ve been getting? growth and reduced revenue streams? • Do you at times feel overwhelmed with what you need to attend to? • Are you successful but feel as if you’ve hit a plateau in your business growth?
DID YOU KNOW that… DISENGAGEMENT COSTS U.S. BUSINESSES $500 BILLION EACH YEAR? This is an enormous sum and a rampant problem! And it’s not just in corporations but in both midsize and small businesses. Have you noticed myauthenticlifemagazine.com 23
C-Corps. The “genius zone” is achieved when you can broaden your perspectives, skill sets and become masterful in engagement. We’ve identified four critical areas that include subset skills such as learning styles, intelligence types, connection and executive functions based on neuroscience and transformational research.
lately that there are a lot of “help wanted” signs posted on neighborhood businesses? And in larger businesses, recruiters are busier than ever before. They have a continuous flow of repeat business coming their way from clients who are finding that once they invest a year or two into training a new employee, just when they become fully operational to their team or division, they resign. What’s up with that? Well from being in the loop of learning the real story from clients, there’s a couple of trends rising to the surface that are not infusing long-term commitment, loyalty or skill growth. One is that so many workplaces are toxic culture soups where the personalities, errant communication, and solo agendas get in the way of having a successful, rewarding and cooperative environment. That’s a huge issue to dive into 24 | MY Magazine
since when you have that going on, the first person tossed with blame is the leader and their style of leadership. A potent life example is what’s going on in the U.S. capital right now. There’s something amiss and that seems to involve errant communication and perspectives; mixed with an array of other “stuff” that I won’t get into right now. Instead, let’s get back to the focus of doing business in today’s often challenging market. What if business leaders began to operate from their own Zone of Genius as masters of connection and engagers? The most forward-thinking business owners and leaders are now understanding that doing business the same old way isn’t working as well any longer. There’s a global wave of including conscious business principles from startups to small businesses, NGOs, and
One last area to touch on briefly is that most businesses do not have the foresight to help each person at all levels to grow their own skillsets or to recognize performance in meaningful ways. The most standard way of looking at this “engagement” issue is for Human Resources (HR) to provide surveys and a wide array of tiered incentive programs specific to the area of engagement. Well, most HR people are overwhelmed with their already full plate. It’s unrealistic to think they can solve the engagement problem alone without support from top executives, middle management, and others on the team or in the division. This is a bottom-up approach and not a top-down one. In other words, the sum of everyone working in a business is integral to the whole of the business success. The results are often spotty with follow-up incentive packages or bonuses. That’s proving to not be enough for someone to stay with a business. Oh sure, everyone dreams of landing with a startup or other business that mirrors the success of Facebook
or LinkedIn or Amazon in the early success days. When that doesn’t happen, what’s the payoff to stay engaged with the business? It needn’t be a splashy outcome. It just needs to be…drum roll, please…FULFILLING! Some forward-thinking C-Corps are taking a different direction with mindfulness trainings, a happiness focus and appreciation contexts to spur on employee-driven engagement and commitment. Just so you know, the latest research reports significant jumps in engagement when appreciation and connection comes into daily play in a business. It also lends to the complete package of an individual being valued not just as a productivity machine but as an integral part of the business. Business owners and leaders are missing out if they fail to understand the critical importance that anyone working in the business must be getting some inner nourishment. If that’s not happening, they will naturally begin to question if their role in the business is the most right-aligned match for at the very least, a part of their overall purpose and intentions for their own life growth. And the end-goal is to be solution-driven so that everyone on the business ship shores up. As a business leader or if you’re an entrepreneur business owner, you cannot do
everything on your own. There’s just way too much to do! You need a supportive team so you can leverage whatever it is you do best. That’s where the Zones of Genius comes in. When you’re operating in and from the Genius Zones, you’ll have a composite of overlapping skills that seem to almost effortlessly boost your engagement across all areas, including, sales, revenue, and business growth. You’ll also note increasing trends with your business in productivity, efficiency, innovation, and more. Even satisfaction and enthusiasm will jump along with fulfillment and happiness. Here’s a brief overview of some Genius Zones; specific to the area of Disengagement: ZONE 1: Self-Awareness to become so astute and perceptive that you rarely miss signs of disengagement. ZONE 2: Accelerate Learning simply put, if you’re not really accomplished at communication and social/emotional/financial intelligence connecting with others in your business, it’s skill ramp-up time to boost your capacity. ZONE 3: Improve Analytical Thinking systems to track your own productivity and others in your business based on engagement to a specific project or business need.
ZONE 4: Upgrade Interaction with Others across six-tiered skillsets that as a composite encourage thriving in many levels of your business. The bonus is that the rest of your life will follow along too! Congratulations! You’ve taken a first step in becoming more aware of all the components of ENGAGEMENT! What’s the next step? Take ONE ACTION STEP TODAY! Of course, I’d love to hear about what the TOP THREE PROBLEMS are that you’re having based on ENGAGEMENT! Please let me know by scheduling a Discovery Session here: https://app. acuityscheduling.com/schedule. php?owner=14903936&appoint mentType=5512573 Carol and Paul Benson are both accomplished mentors, authors, speakers and trainers. Carol, a licensed Speech Language Pathologist, specializes in emotional and relational intelligence strategies and leadership training for business teams. Paul Benson, a multimillion dollar business owner, is well-versed in cooperative team development, sales, negotiation and helping businesses improve their performance using unique best business practices. As authors of the highly-acclaimed book, “5 Steps to Thrive: Reveal Any Crisis as Opportunity,” (2013, Highpoint Life) Carol and Paul know firsthand what it takes to use a wider scope of mindsets as the competitive edge in a fast-past, ever changing global marketplace. myauthenticlifemagazine.com 25
DISAPPOINTMENT OR OPPORTUNITY? FIVE STEPS TO ADJUST TO SETBACKS by Wini Curley, Ph.D.
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H
ow well do you work with others as part of a team, especially when there is a setback to your plans? Recently, I was reminded how easily and quickly a disappointment can become an opportunity when you work together. It had been a great retreat weekend at the coast! Donna, Mary and I shared two days of writing, feedback on our business projects, walks on the beach, and lots of laughter. After dinner, Donna and I began our 3 Hour road trip home. Driving the deserted, foggy, rural back roads was a bit spooky. We relaxed when we reached the interstate. Suddenly, we heard and felt Thump-Thump-Thump. It was 9 o’clock at night, very dark, and the back right tire was flatter than a pancake. How would you react? What mental thought processes and emotions come up for you when something pops into your life that is shocking or surprising, and highly disruptive to your current plan? Looking back on the flat tire episode, I realized that Donna and I acted as a team and got home safely that night using the five-step process below. This process is part of what I teach teams on how to deal with disruptions effectively. These five steps can be applied to address setbacks for any team - at work, or at home.
1
Listen To Your Teammates (You May Not Know Everything) The car didn’t swerve, and there wasn’t any sound of a blowout. I didn’t understand, but Donna knew immediately. She had experienced a flat tire before, and I had not. It was important that I trusted Donna’s knowledge and pulled over when she told me to. After stopping, we noticed the tire was very hot and smoking. Driving farther could have caused serious damage.
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As a manager or team member, it is important to respectfully share your knowledge and experience with your teammates and listen to theirs. Disruptions are not always as obvious as a flat tire. Don’t be an alarmist, but when you notice even subtle things not going right, speak up. Staying alert to difficulties in your area of responsibility and sharing them can potentially prevent a major problem – especially if everyone else on the team does the same thing.
2
Release The Old Plan (Things Change. Stop Whining.) When you avoid accepting that change is needed to address a problem, it only delays finding the solution. Setbacks and disruptions happen, and it is normal to have an emotional response. It is important to allow yourself
a few moments to recognize your anger, fear, or confusion - or any other resistance to change you may feel. However, don’t get stuck whining and complaining in an unproductive pattern that keeps you from moving forward. Releasing attachment to the old conditions allows the heart and mind to open to more possibilities for next steps. Effective teams don’t focus on shame and blame, they work together to find solutions. Donna and I acknowledged our disappointment at getting home much later than expected. Both of us were unsure about changing a tire. However, we thought we could figure it out from the owner’s manual if we had to. We took responsibility and worked together to find a solution.
3
Research Options (From the Best To Worst Case) Before you pick your next move, consider the range of options available. Some may be obvious, while others may require some research to access information needed for a decision. Reach out to your teammates or other resources for support. As stated above, you may not know everything. I looked up the spare tire limitations in the owner’s manual and called roadside assistance. Donna checked our location on her cell phone GPS and identified the nearest mile marker. Our worst case scenario was changing the tire ourselves. The best case was that roadside assistance would do it for us. Although we could only go 50 mph and it would take us much longer to get home, the spare could safely go well beyond the 135 miles we still had to travel. We could keep going.
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Revise The Plan (The Solution May Have A Benefit) When choosing a course of action, you may not have to start over. Keep parts of the old plan that still work, and only adjust what is necessary. Look for the new opportunities that appear with the revised parts of the plan.
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Using this process to handle setbacks can help a team build trust rather than fall apart. The flat tire was a bonding experience for me and Donna. We have been friends for several years, and yet this challenge deepened our mutual respect. In the end, we knew we could rely on each other during challenges, and the extra time together became a valuable opportunity.
Once roadside assistance changed the tire, Donna and I had 2 bonus hours together. We helped each other explore aspects of specific business projects we would not have covered otherwise. We were both grateful for the valuable and productive opportunity caused by the flat tire.
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Communicate Openly (Bad News Doesn’t Get Better With Age) Bad news about setbacks is not like wine. It does not become more palatable the longer you keep a cork in it. People other than yourself will likely be impacted by a disruption. Impacts may even go beyond your immediate team as far as upper management, or even clients. If you are a manager informing your team about changes in schedules or resources, or a team member letting your managers know
about workload challenges or equipment failures, communicate what you know sooner rather than later. When you do share the problem, it is preferable to have a suggested solution to go along with it. Donna and I needed to share our predicament with our families so they wouldn’t worry when we did not arrive on time. Since it was my car, I called my husband immediately to confirm our roadside assistance policies and information needed to access assistance. He had information to help solve the problem. Donna waited until after the spare had been installed and we were on our way. There was nothing her family could do to help, so she let them know about the delay after the problem had been handled and our new plan was in place. We choose our communication timing according to the situation.
Remember, you too can choose to create the conditions where a disappointing setback becomes an opportunity. Wini Curley, Ph.D. is a Resilience Expert, Speaker, and Executive Coach. She shows leaders and their organizations how to energize their next win - whether they are on a roll or in a hole. In 2002, Wini became an entrepreneur and left a 20-year corporate career cleaning up environmental hazardous waste sites. Now, she helps clients clean up toxic habits, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that contaminate their path to success. Clients say Wini’s keen intuition, judgement-free approach, and energy techniques all help free them to release frustrations and blocks and accelerate toward what they really want. Wini has coached successful leaders and entrepreneurs across 3 continents. Clean up the toxicities big or small at the leadership level, and watch the business and its people grow and flourish. Learn more about Wini and her programs at www.WiniCurley.com and www.GiftsFromWini.com
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Spring Cleaning IS GOOD FOR YOUR MIND by Nekeshia Hammond, Psy.D.
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ut with the old, in with the new. For many people, the idea of spring cleaning brings them excitement and joy. They aren’t necessarily thrilled about the hard work that comes with decluttering and organizing. However, what inspires them to do the work is knowing that once they have let go of the things over-filling their space, they will feel better. It’s about more than just seeing a tidy space. It’s about the thoughts and feelings related to that tidy space. Spring cleaning is good for your mind.
CLUTTERED SPACE, CLUTTERED MIND Did you know that neuroscientists at Princeton University found that the presence of physical clutter in your home negatively affects your mental output? This clutter competes for your attention and leads to a decrease in performance levels, and an increase in procrastination, laziness, depression, and stress. Merriam-Webster defines clutter as “a crowded or confused mass or collection.” When you live with physical clutter in your space, you are literally overloading, crowding, and confusing your senses. It’s no wonder then why people living in disorganized homes are often overwhelmed. myauthenticlifemagazine.com 31
A study published in the Journal of Neuroscience reported that “Multiple stimuli present in the visual field at the same time compete for neural representation by mutually suppressing their evoked activity throughout visual cortex, providing a neural correlate for the limited processing capacity of the visual system.” In other words, when you see too much stuff in your space, you’ll have a harder time giving your attention to any one thing for a significant period of time. Disorganization impairs your ability to think creatively or objectively, and can leave you feeling frustrated and annoyed without even knowing why. These feelings only amplify when you start observing the clutter rather than it just being in the background. Think about it - what happens
when you can’t find something? You are immediately made acutely aware of just how disorganized your space is. It makes the situation that much worse doesn’t it? If you’ve misplaced something that you need right away like your keys so you won’t be late to work or an ingredient for the dish you’re currently cooking, things can escalate rapidly. Before you know it everything and everyone is making you enraged. Sound familiar?
SPRING CLEANING CAN BE EMOTIONALLY FREEING Spring cleaning typically involves parting with things you don’t need anymore. What often holds people back, however, is guilt. For example, if you spent your hard earned money on an item, you may feel guilty about getting rid of it. In fact, people
have been known to keep items for years, never using them again, just because of how guilty they feel for having purchased it in the first place. You may be thinking, but how can getting rid of an item you purchased in error, free you emotionally? Getting rid of it forces you to think about the purchase, analyze the reason you made it, forgive yourself for owning it, let it go, and then move on.
WHAT ABOUT SENTIMENTAL ITEMS? Letting go of sentimental items can be emotionally and mentally freeing as well. Just because your dear aunt Suzie gave you that antique plate doesn’t mean you have to keep it. If you will actually use it, that’s one thing, but keeping it hidden away isn’t doing you any favors. You’d be better off taking a picture of it so you won’t forget what it looks like and passing it on to someone who can get some use out of it. I’ll bet you didn’t realize this, but hoarding items you don’t want anymore is a metaphor for other things you’re not dealing with in a way. Too often, we hide things in the proverbial cupboard to avoid them, but at the end of the day, they are still there. The best way to deal
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emotional state overall. They enjoy being at home, are calmer, less likely to misbehave, and even do better in school. In homes that are more organized, there is less arguing, and more time is spent together. When we can spend more time together, we can form better bonds with our families.
BOTTOM LINE - CLUTTER IS TOXIC
with things, physical or mental, is to actually deal with them, not hide from them. To truly be mentally and emotionally free, we can’t hide from our clutter or our feelings. We must address them, and when necessary forgive ourselves, or the person responsible. Only then can we move on, or move past what’s been the real underlying cause of those bad feelings.
realize it’s the clutter in a space making them uncomfortable. When you clean your living space, it feels better to spend time there.
GETTING RID OF CLUTTER CAN IMPROVE YOUR HOME LIFE
The University of California, Los Angeles Center on Everyday Lives of Families studied clutter and its effect on home life. What they found is that cluttered spaces are often stressful places, and the inhabitants were generally unhappy. Marital discord is more common and families that dwell in these spaces are less likely to spend time together.
It probably won’t surprise you to learn that many people don’t want to be at home because of their clutter. Every person’s level of discomfort with clutter is different, and some don’t even
Studies have also shown that when children live in an organized environment they have an increased sense of selfesteem, and have an improved
It may be hard to believe that clutter is so toxic, but it is. With all of the negative consequences it brings, isn’t it better to get rid of as much of it as possible? When you’re cleaning out your living space this spring, remember - You aren’t just letting go of junk, you’re inviting calm and order into your life.
Nekeshia Hammond, Psy.D. is a psychologist, speaker, an author, and the owner of Hammond Psychology & Associates. Dr. Hammond has been featured on WFLA News Channel 8, Tampa Bay Times, Essence, Tampa Bay Parenting, CBS Boston, Ebony and other media outlets sharing her expertise on children and parenting. She is the TV show host of “Parenting Explained with Dr. Hammond” which is set to air on stations throughout the US in early 2018. To learn more about Dr. Hammond, visit: DrNekeshiaHammond.com. Twitter: @Dr_Hammond FB: Dr. Nekeshia Hammond Instagram: @practicalparenting
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WHAT I LEARNED FROM AN OLYMPIC MEDALIST
by Corey Poirier
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lympic Medalists are sometimes seen as inhuman, fearless.
This is perhaps why it surprised me while interviewing Olympic Medalist Silken Laumann when she shared that she had such a major fear of speaking in public. She went on to say the only reason it ended up happening at all, her taking stages, is because her desire to share the message she felt she had to share, was simply a little bigger than her fear of speaking in public in the first place. 34 | MY Magazine
As someone who speaks regularly about fear, and the importance of stepping outside our natural comfort zones, it occurred to me that there was a major lesson here. I began to study my own experiences with fear, and comfort zones, and then began to sift through the experiences of others I had interviewed. Fear can be debilitating, and in the case of speaking in public, it can sabotage many a promising leadership career. This is perhaps why I
dedicated so much of my time to conquering the fear I had in the public speaking arena earlier in my life so that I could then aim to help others in this same arena.
If you can uncover your why, you can use it to conquer your how.
What I discovered during my study of fear, and comfort zones, was essentially this: Laumann wasn’t alone.
With my fear of drowning, my desire to experience the water with my partner, Shelley, rather than sitting on the beach watching, was greater than my fear of water.
Many of the leaders we have had on our show, or spent time with, also only stepped outside of their natural comfort zone to conquer, or at least face, a specific fear, because their desire to achieve something was greater than their fear of facing it; even when that fear was almost to the point of crippling. I realized that I could also say the same for myself, although I hadn’t realized it – especially as it relates to my decision to eventually jump onto a stand-up comedy stage, to speak in public as a career, and even to face my fear of drowning. What’s the lesson?
Specifically, if you can figure out the desire you have in relation to a certain fear, your motivation to face that fear may just be enough to inspire your action.
The result saw me in the water on our recent trip to Florida more than at any other point in my life, including a short stint snorkeling in the Florida Keys. I also realized from my study of my own experiences in facing fears that just like Laumann, my desire to impact others with a message that I knew could positively change lives was greater than my major fear of speaking in public. That is perhaps the very reason that I too eventually got onto that stage and began to live my own purpose in that area. That one literally changed my life and resulted in my living more ‘on purpose’ every day since. So the remaining question becomes, what do you desire so much that you would willing to face your fear in that area? If you can find that answer, you might just find yourself well on your way to launching that next business, running for office, speaking on a stage, asking someone out for dinner, or even ditching the water-wings to snorkel in the Florida Keys.
Corey Poirier is an award-winning Keynote speaker, multiple-time TEDx, PMx and MoMonday’s Speaker. He is also the host of the top rated ‘Conversations with PASSION’ Radio Show and a newer top rated speaking related podcast, founder of The Speaking Program, he has been featured in one-hour television specials on Eastlink TV and TeleTelevision and he is a columnist with Entrepreneur Magazine, Progress Magazine. He has also appeared / or been featured in Global TV, CBS, CTV, NBC, ABC, CBC TV, Second City, and is one of the few leaders featured twice on the popular Entrepreneur on Fire show. Corey has interviewed over 4,000 of the world’s top leaders in search of success traits. One of his most recent talks took him to New York City where he had the extreme pleasure of speaking to At-Risk Youth at the Brooklyn Navy Yard Boys & Girls Club.
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Self-Growth
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Talk to Tamara Tamara, the relationship whisperer, is like a walking instruction manual for all of your love, dating. and relationship questions. Ask her your burning questions and she’ll guide you in the direction that is right for you. by Tamara Green
Hi Tamara, I’m a working mother of two elementary school-aged children. Plus, I’m caregiving my aging father, who seems to require more of my time and energy each month. On top of all that, my husband is feeling neglected, so I’m trying to keep him happy, as well. Needless to say, I’m having a difficult time juggling all of this. Do you have any advice on how to keep my sanity? Signed: Stretched Thin
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Dearest Stretched Thin,
I
congratulate you for being a hero to your loved ones! Like so many women in this world, you are a member of the Sandwich Generation, a growing number of people who are trying to balance everyone’s needs. Even though this is a huge challenge in your life, I wonder if you can also view it as an opportunity for self-care? In 2014, I was caregiving my husband, who had stage IV cancer. Every day, I accompanied him to the infusion center where he received his radiation and chemotherapy. I was also caring for our 13-year-old son who had Lyme disease. Every morning, I drove him to school and often had to turn right around to pick him up early because he wasn’t feeling well. During all of this, I continued to work full time in my psychotherapy and coaching practices while regularly checking in with my aging parents and in-laws. Needless
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to say, I, like you, was juggling quite a bit. At first, I felt very overwhelmed and stressed. Then, I had an internal shift. I asked myself, What would I recommend to my clients if they were in the same situation? That’s when I decided to turn caregiving into an opportunity for self-love and care. Even though I didn’t have a lot of time to myself, I choose to do little things throughout each day that made a huge difference for me and my loved ones. Below are the strategies I used that kept me sane. SELF CARE WHILE CAREGIVING • Daily Gratitude - Each morning in my journal, I listed three bullet points of what I was grateful for. For example, I wrote: I’m grateful for… my sister’s caring voice mail message; my ability to be helpful; my body for all it
does. It only took 30 seconds to start my day off on the right foot. • Body Movement - Between dropping my son off at school and before meeting my husband at the infusion center, I either took a yoga class, power-walked, or even shoveled the driveway of snow. I did anything to keep my body moving, which helped to release stress. • Positive Multitasking - During walks, drives, and chores, I was on my iPhone either connecting with a caring friend or listening to positive messaging, such as webinars and walking meditations. This kept any stinking thinking to a minimum. • Self-praise and acknowledgement – Because I was stepping up in a real way for other people, I realized that caregiving
“It is not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.” —Lena Horne, singer
feel calm in minutes by downloading the free Loving Meditations App. For more information, go to calmcancerstress.com. Want dating and relationship advice right away? Take advantage of Tamara’s guidance and finally get clarity and relief from your dating or relationship struggles.
was a job that deserved accolades and applause. My self-talk included upbeat statements like, “Yay me, I’m so wonderful! Today I earned 10,000 kudos points!!!” Of course, these moments of self-praise always made me smile or even laugh. • Presence – One day, I was on a phone session with my patient and it dawned on me that I was feeling guilty for not being with my husband or our son during that hour. My poor client didn’t have my full attention! I immediately created an intention to be present with whomever I was with and what ever I was doing. This internal shift changed everything. Because I’m human, I wasn’t present every single second, but certainly more than
ever before. The mantra I repeated often was, “I am present and all is well.” • Accepting Help - “Can I call you in a pinch?” I’d ask my neighbors, friends, and family. Of course, they all said “Yes!” And, I did call them. Every once in awhile, I needed their assistance and they were happy to step in by picking my son up from school, grabbing a food or pantry item at the supermarket, or by simply lending a listening ear. I hope you try these simple yet very effective self-loving and caring techniques during this challenging time. You deserve it!!
For those who are going through a challenging experience, like cancer and other medical illnesses,
Copyright 2017, Tamara Green, LCSW. All Rights Reserved
Elle Magazine dubs Tamara Green, LCSW “The Soulcentered Love Expert.” She is an author, speaker and trainer, helping thousands of people to navigate the waters of love, dating and relationships – all while falling madly in love with themselves in the process. Trained as a Love Mentor® by Dr. Diana Kirschner, Individual and Couples Psychotherapist, Meditation Practitioner and Hypnotherapist, Tamara’s coaching is highly effective as she combines her many years of professional training with her gifts as an energy healer, intuitive and seer. As a result, Tamara creates an exciting catalyst for deep emotional healing, giving her clients greater success in life and love. She has devoted her life to helping women rise out of pain and fear so they can finally experience the long lasting and loving relationship of their dreams. As well as working 1-on-1, Tamara offers free weekly meditation audios that take you on a journey of love with ease and joy. Please follow Tamara Green, LCSW at twitter.com/tamaragreen4u Join Tamara’s community at tamaragreen.me; facebook.com/TGreenLoveExpert; and youtube at: youtube.com/channel/ UC9MqTnZEJYNEpKnwrjsZ40A myauthenticlifemagazine.com 41
ROUGH EDGES by David Larson
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hen I was a boy, a friend of mine had a rock-polishing machine. I always wanted one of those. I thought it was so cool how he would put dull rocks with rough edges into the container, let them tumble together for a period of time and out would come smooth, shiny, pretty rocks! By rubbing the rocks together again and again and again, the rough edges of each rock smoothed out the rough edges of the others. I later learned that this is what relationships are for! Many people think that when there’s conflict in a relationship, the relationship is bad. If you’re like me, you may forget that the beauty in each one of us comes out with radiance when we wear away each other’s exteriors to expose the magnificent ones we are inside. We need to bump up against each other’s hang-ups, prejudices, and worn-out opinions to reveal our strengths. My rough edges smooth out yours, and yours smooth out mine! I used to get irritated waiting for people. Over time, I came to see the time of waiting was an opportunity to take a break, relax, breathe, and appreciate nature or the activities going on around me. Now there are times when I actually hope people will be a little late, and accept such as a gift of grace that allows me to slow down and enjoy the reduced pace of life for a few minutes. When I can let go of my compulsivity around time, I end up being easier to live with as well! I get reacquainted a bit with compassion, understanding, and forgiveness.
My ability to accept others in their imperfections helps me accept my own. Sometimes, I may choose to speak my feelings to the person with whom I am frustrated. This may help me practice being assertive, or gain a new perspective, or help him or her break a plaguing habit. Everyone comes out better. Talk about win-win...that’s rock polishing for you! So when there is tension in a relationship important to you, whether it is in your family, your workplace, or in your community, look for how this conflict may be tugging to pull out the best in you. There is always something to learn in each interaction, no matter how it feels, and when it feels the worst is when there is the most to learn. Our egos would have us believe that we are always right and others should conform to us. However, if we don’t let others smooth out our rough edges (help us change), our most magnificent beauty, and the peace that comes with it, will remain obscured. Time to surrender, and let the beauty come forth! David is a licensed psychologist in private practice who has been leading people into life fulfillment for more than thirty years. His work with Kate Sholonski at Triumph Leadership Group involves creating and sustaining healthy and productive relationships in the workplace. David is a contributing author to four books, has been a TV talk show host, and resides in rural Minnesota with his wife, Carol.
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SENSITIVES: TANTRUM OR MELTDOWN? by Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC
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ast month’s article, Neuro-Sensitives and Sensory Overload, focused on how parents and professionals can reduce the sensory burden that neurosensitive children and adults experience every day of every week during various activities in their lives: medical, social, entertainment, school, shopping, etc. As a continuation of that information, this month’s article will focus on the resulting behaviors that occur when the Sensitive, or their parent/professional, cannot adequately reduce the overwhelming level of sensory input. Certainly, different individuals have different tolerances, but sensitives and empaths who understand this phenomenon, and can communicate it, have all described their meltdowns, or of recognizing its approach. For non-Sensitives, even those who conceptually understand empathy, it may be hard to understand that someone can experience this extent of sensory sensitivity. As a result, since many parents and professionals can’t see it coming, they don’t know how to recognize these sensory meltdowns. In fact, frequently it is assumed that the individual is having a temper tantrum. However, tantrums and meltdowns are triggered by different things and require different responses. myauthenticlifemagazine.com 45
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TANTRUMS AND MELTDOWNS STEP ONE: Understand Sensory Overload Sensitive children are hyperaware of their surroundings. To better understand their experience, think about the input that they receive from all five senses, and realize that they have minimal ability to decrease or minimize it. Additionally, they are often intuitive, and as empaths, they are highly aware of others’ emotions to the point that they feel these emotions in their own bodies. Unfortunately, most empaths don’t realize this is occurring. They either assume they are feeling an intensification of their own emotions, or they just react. Empaths who understand what’s occurring describe their experiences as more than empathy. (Empathy is described as, “I can imagine
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how it must be for you.”) Here are some statements that empaths have told me to describe being an empath:
because my child cannot verbalize what s/he needs, but I somehow know, and now I can explain it to others.
I’m in a room with others and I feel their feelings.
STEP TWO: Meltdown – the Physical Effect
My anxiety (or worry, sadness, anger) becomes so intense that I need to leave the room.
When sensitives or empaths don’t understand what is happening and haven’t yet learned sufficient skills for modulating their experiences it is quite overwhelming. Remember that their sensory bombardment is continual and for the most part unrelenting.
When I look in their eyes I feel like I see their soul. I’m exhausted whenever I am with others, especially in groups. When I look in their eyes, I know everything there is to know about them, and I feel it in my own body. I feel like it’s my job to take away their problems or ‘hurts’. Being an empath helps me do my work because I know things that my client, student or patient has not verbalized. Being an empath helps me
Meltdowns are a sensory response occurring at a physiologic (physical body) level and occur when the body is overwhelmed by multiple stimuli and cannot cope with one more entry.
STEP THREE: Why it Looks Like a Tantrum What makes it especially confusing is when there are verbal overlays that sound like what our society has taught us are tantrums. For instance, the Sensitive child who is screaming for one more candy, or 5 minutes more time, is doing so because that issue became the one experience that they can identify or recognize (as opposed to a myriad of unrecognized sensory experiences), and
unconscious and unplanned way of responding to a physiologic need to reduce their physical tension.
STEP FIVE: The Aftermath Apologies are heartfelt and real. Since this is a physiologic response, there’s no need for punishment. Be careful if you try processing what has occurred. Many Sensitives are unable to recognize the buildup in their systems and can re-trigger easily and quickly.
they are hoping to control this one thing because they know subconsciously that they just can’t handle one ... more ... thing. This is such an important part of understanding meltdowns because meltdowns are NOT tantrums. Tantrums are willful and potentially tactical. To recognize meltdowns, and not assume tantrum, it is important to learn about your individual’s sensory experiences. Think about how they usually respond in various environments: sounds, lights, activity, smells, tolerance of clothing and other tactile experiences, and even human touch. And remember that to the amygdala, that part of the brain that evaluates every type of sensory input to keep us safe, one’s emotions – our own and those of others – are also evaluated to assess potential threats.
STEP FOUR: What to do with a Meltdown The best advice is prevention. As you become more adept at being the detective of your individual’s sensory experiences, you will become better able to reduce their overload experience and thus the subsequent meltdowns. When that is not sufficient or possible, realize that the meltdown is the body releasing energy and tension and has to run its course. Provide a safe and supportive environment for your individual. For generations, our society has taught that children should listen and follow directions and that any counterresponse should be met with consequences or discipline. Looking at things differently allows us to realize that meltdowns are a Sensitive’s
Professionals, families, and neuro-sensitives are striving to find ways to reduce sensory receptiveness and increase sensory tolerance. Diets, education, cognitive behavioral therapy, energy work, craniosacral therapy, prismatic lenses and noisereducing headphones are just a few of the things that are being tried. I hope to bring more information about options and successes in the future. Judy Lipson is a licensed, professional counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit SpiralWisdom.net for more information.
This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.
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WHINE OR SHINE
by Kate Sholonski
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y this time of year, many of us that live in the colder climates are tired of frigid weather and are ready for relief. Many are also tired of being inside more of the time than usual and are bored with life in general. When boredom hits it seems like prime to time to whine. Unfortunately, once we get into the habit of whining and 48 | MY Magazine
complaining, our lives begin to seem as dull as the late winter weather, even if all is actually well. The reason for that is it is difficult to be happy and complain at the same time. We humans will exhibit symptoms of whatever perspective we hold, whether it is joy with optimism or grouchy with negativism. Although I am sometimes referred to as a Pollyanna (which
is typically not intended to be a compliment), I mindfully practice focusing on feeling good no matter what is happening around me, which includes being at peace and nonresistant to that which I cannot change. It makes sense to me to not give my joy away to the ice storm in late February even
Occasionally, after prolonged exposure, I can get hooked into the land of misery and notice along with the absence of my positive mood I also lost my creativity, humor, and energy. It is almost as if I dozed off at the wheel of life for a moment and began to believe that weather, politics or the varied rumors of others bad behaviors have the power to control me. It is in those moments I ask myself what I fear most. Once I identify what specifically disturbs my peace then I can ask myself how likely my fear will actually come true and even if it did, is it worth feeling bad about it beforehand. Once I remember that I am in charge of my mood and I am not willing to give it away to any outside source, including Mother Nature, I feel empowered to ride out whatever inconvenience happens to be present or whatever scary story someone else is telling as they predict the future. So how do we ride out the tail end of winter and not lose connection with our naturally happy dispositions? My suggestion is to find something about winter (or whatever your complaint is about) that you enjoy and can be grateful for. though I am tired of wearing a heavy coat, scarf, and mittens wherever I go and navigating my grocery cart over ice chunks in the store’s parking lot. I choose not to give my peace away to the aggressive driver on the highway or to participate in a group conversation online that is a public share of all the things that are wrong with the world.
I love looking at the snow hanging on the boughs of the pine trees in my backyard and experimenting with new recipes for soups and bread for cold night suppers. Snuggling under my favorite soft blanket and watching movies, or reading a great book also help me enjoy my indoor time.
Enjoying a glass a wine by the fireplace or playing games with friends and family also keep me in a positive and enjoyable state of mind. Focusing on being grateful that I live in a warm house and have plenty of food to eat and things to keep me entertained feels much better than looking out the window wishing it was spring. Since we have a few more months of potential winter weather and since there will always be some factor present that we may not enjoy at any time of year, I suggest you take this time to practice accepting what you can’t change and focus on finding something you are grateful to have present in your life. I guarantee the sun will shine again sooner than you think. Kate Sholonski transitioned from a 28 year nursing career to life coaching and as a personal fulfillment workshop leader in 2001. After many years of coaching people from all walks of life, she and her business partner repeatedly heard requests from their clients to combine joy and fulfillment with leadership principles. It was that concept that led them to create their business, Triumph Leadership Group, where they focus on training teams from all sized businesses to build positive and productive cultures. Kate and her business partner, David Larson have co-authored two books, Wide Awake: Three Minutes a Day to an Inspired Life and Heartfelt Leadership: Creating a Culture of Connection. They believe when relationships don’t work, the business doesn’t work and that workers who share heartfelt connections will help business thrive on every level. myauthenticlifemagazine.com 49
MANIFESTING YOUR JOURNEY by Gary Stuart
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SAILING THE SEAS OF UNCERTAINTY TOWARDS YOUR DESTINATION It can be quite a challenge to weather change and stay the course as you March forward!
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any of us on a life mission are guided to steer the ship of destiny and fate on an unpredictable ocean of change. Many times, the sea change we seek can be calm, orderly almost mundane and comfortable even routine. Yes, repetition can be comfortable, as the ancient Chinese spoke of “chop wood carry water” which was transformed by Disney into “whistle while you work.” It’s admirable and stable especially when you’re raising children. As you know consistency is very important as is stability. On the other hand, many on an unpredictable journey have trouble maintaining equilibrium on top of the choppy waters of life. The sea of life may challenge you or even demand that you become competent and flexible which are its own reward.
As 2018 progresses into the first quarter are you staying the course? What were the goals that you wish to achieve this year? A refreshed career? An increase in economic status? Having more fun and enjoyment? The devil may care welldeserved summer vacation? A greatly improved living situation? Very few of us have the fortitude to stay afloat in weather change at the same time. It’s often a challenge to steer the ship of your life as it guides you to the vision of your destiny.
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to become flexible. Ultimately life itself is in charge and as you know life thrives on change growth and transformation as it moves through space and time.
The rough seas can force you to change course or another direction that you do not wish to traverse. Always remember it’s your mission, your journey, your goals and desires that propel you to move you forward towards what you believe is your destination. In many ways where we are not alone on our path to fulfillment. Ironically, we are alone as it’s our heart and soul’s desire that guides us. The challenge heightens our excitement plus the added weight of personal responsibility and duty of arriving at the future destination that we so diligently planned. Of course, life itself will throw many unpredictable twists and turns or monkey wrenches in our way to test our resolve. In a strange
way these are gifts that help us stay the course and keep us committed to our original vision. Anything we choose to do in life whether it’s planning a destination encourages us to weather change and be quick on our feet. We tend to stubbornly embrace what comes at us under pressure. It takes courage and fortitude to take the journey of a lifetime which allows us to complete our destiny even if the fates have a way of altering our course. Human ego be damned! Always remember that life itself is a GIFT! The price for manifesting the vision of our destination maybe acquiescing to the demands of life itself. Life it seems has a way of forcing us
Our job is to steer the ship of our destiny while looking forward. We also need to be willing to change course to avoid treacherous waters as we march forward or sail forward to what we believe is our true destination. It may be our fate and destiny that guides us on this journey we started in with our vision of 2018. At the very least we will become adept at staying the course as we adapt to the changing waters that can toss us to and fro. It’s up to us to find our direction or a way to complete our journey. Ironically, this is just for 2018! We chose to set the course on these turbulent waters towards our destination. We are alone and, yet we’re also supported while being kept afloat by the changing tides underneath our vessel. Our job is to hold our vision and stay the course to arrive at our destination, which really is the journey that determines our fate. Land Ho! You made it!
Gary Stuart Speaker, Author, Constellation Facilitator, Teacher has been documenting his healing experiences over the past several decades. As a young student of Primal Therapy and Shamanism, his insightful writings provide a unique perspective on the correlation between the micro and macro-cosmos, between our inner and outer worlds. His first book on Constellations Many Hearts, One Soul set the stage for his latest book Master Your Universe: How to Direct & Star in Your Own Life on Kindle or paperback at www.Amazon.com He Speaks and leads healing workshops and training nationally and internationally and resides in Southern California. His Distance, Family or Organizational Constellations are his healing specialty! His FREE Consultation: www.testyourhappiness.com and www.GaryStuartPRessKit.com Contact Info: Gary@Chifield.com Office (888) 369-9980 Cell (310) 758-2052
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THE DREAM EXPERTS What Does Your Dream Mean? by Kathryn and Patrick Andries
Dear Dream Expert,
Dear Wedding Helper,
I dreamed that I was helping at a wedding. I was in a room and my job was to take care of the flowers. There were all kinds of beautiful flowers. I had to make various displays. I was enjoying myself. There was some question as to whether or not I was invited to the actual wedding – I was.
A wedding is recognition of a commitment to yourself. Keep in mind that the people in the wedding represent parts of yourself. Flowers represent beauty and thoughts about being receptive in your life.
Then I was at my mother’s house. My father was in the den watching television. I was in the kitchen helping my mother get dinner ready. I brought a plate of dinner out for my father and put it on a television tray for him. Another part of the dream I am with my mother and she needs to get back home because she is having a dinner party. When we get home the people had already arrived and there were tables full of people eating. At some point, I wanted to get ready and put on some make-up, so I looked in the mirror and saw some black hairs. I remembered that in my waking life I had already been to electrolysis recently and I was bummed that she didn’t get those hairs. Sincerely, Wedding Helper
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Your mother and father are aspects of your inner authority. Television indicates that you are using your inner communication. This could be using your intuition or telepathy with another person. The meal represents that you are learning (taking in knowledge). The dinner party indicates that the part of you that has authority is sharing the knowledge with other parts of yourself. This can be likened to taking something that you have learned, like discipline, and applying it to many parts of your life. However, you are not fully satisfied with how you are expressing your identity, as shown by the black hairs that had been missed..
Dear Dream Expert,
Dear Dream Expert,
I dreamed that I walked into this very posh store, like a clothing store. This pretty lady was there. She had an accent, so I asked her if she was French and she said: “no, Berlin.”
I had a dream that my mom was lying in bed. She was either ill or not feeling well. My dad was there too. My cousin called to be picked up from somewhere, so they tell me to go and get him.
There was this huge book that I was looking through about islands and Polynesia. They had beautiful pictures of the water and islands. There were headings and descriptions about them. There was a picture of a man in the water with a huge black snake coiled next to him. The article said, “Even the large snakes in those areas don’t scare people away from these areas.”
I had a procedure done at a hospital. Now I have this small hard silver ball lodged in my belly button. This one person tells me that I need to get the ball out because it is toxic. It is the toxins produced by something.
Sincerely, Big Shopper
There are lots of people around and I am taking pictures of my husband. He is holding up a box of cookies that everyone says are good. I take the picture and then he holds up a little kitten. I take another picture. Sincerely, Toxic
Dear Big Shopper, A store is a place where you invest your value. A clothing store has many different options for how you might want to express yourself. You are making choices about how you want to express yourself. The lady is a part of yourself that is foreign to you. The book represents using your memory. The islands are a place within yourself where you are involved in your emotional experiences. You considered these experiences to be very positive. The snake is some habitual way that you think or act. Even with this fairly large habit you are not scared by these emotions.
Dear Toxic, Your mother and father represent authoritative parts of yourself. The receptive part of you has some issues. Another part of you, symbolized by the cousin, wants your attention, which you deliver. A hospital is a place in your mind where healing occurs. You are focusing on healing and are aware of toxins in your body. There is a need for cleansing. Pictures are using the memory. Your husband is a commitment to using the whole mind. Cookies are knowledge that does not have very much productive value but is enjoyable in the shortterm. The kitten is a habit that does not seem very harmful of significant.
Kathryn and Patrick Andries are the dream experts. They are the authors of the recently released book from Ozark Mountain Publishing, Naked in Public: Dream Symbols Revealed, and The Dream Doctor. If you would like a dream interpreted, please send it in the body of an e-mail to: intuitiveschool@sbcglobal.net. Learn more about their books at www.ozarkmt.com.
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SPRING CLEANING FOR THE SPIRIT by Sharon Carne
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ou are not just your body. You are a complex being of swirling energy fields trying to hold everything together. Chakras are like buttons that hold these lively energy fields and physical body together. They are wheels of life supporting your overall health and wellbeing. These swirling fields and buttons are built to naturally dance harmoniously with each other. One of the most ignored aspects of overall wellbeing is spiritual self-care. Yet this is absolutely essential to health and wellbeing. The consequences of ignoring this crucial aspect of your health can show up in dramatic ways! Last year, I offered one on one Sound Wellness sessions online focusing on emotional healing. Over the weeks following this, I worked with people, at all ages, from as far away as England, Spain, Mexico and all over North America. I am a physical empath and I use this gift when I am working with people. What I sensed and saw in a large percentage of these people shocked me. Their energetic bodies, these swirling fields, and chakras were split away from their physical body and hanging limply on one side of their physical body. Hanging on only by the root or sacral chakras. You wouldn’t believe how much this concerned me!! It takes ‘out of alignment’ to a whole
new level! Every one of these people described feeling very disconnected from themselves and others. For good reason! They were physically disconnected from the main source of their life force energy! The chakra system is intimately connected to your endocrine system or glands. Your endocrine system responds with a flood of hormones with every emotion you have or even think of having. Spiritual well-being is where you access peace, bliss, love, compassion, joy and all of the highest qualities of what it means to be human. Spiritual wellness is that place of peace and purpose within that gives you the grace to handle whatever challenges and joys life brings your way. You can never lose these qualities. They are a permanent part of your being! But you can lose touch with these crucial parts of yourself – especially if you get too caught up in the busyness of life. One of the consequences of this busyness is that emotional energy that doesn’t get dealt with or is allowed to flow gets stuck in the swirling fields within or around the physical body. It clutters up your body like dust bunnies under the couch. And peace seems to become a distant memory. Emotional energy is the power
of life itself. When it gets stuck, so does life. And how does this show up? 1. Frustrations about not feeling like you are moving forward in your life can show up as pain in the hips, legs, knees or feet. Whenever I get frustrated about feeling that I am not moving forward, I know that there is an emotional energy stuck in my hips and legs. Sometimes this manifests as hip and leg pain. As I support any medical issues that may have shown up here, I also dig into the emotional energy that may be stuck. As I do that, more energy starts moving, the dust bunnies clear out, the natural healing ability of the body is stimulated and the pain goes away as I begin to move forward. 2. The difficulty with digesting your life can show up as digestive problems. Do you find yourself often looking to others for approval? There can be some pretty big dust bunnies here. The most important recognition comes from you for yourself. 3. Heartache affects the heart and lungs. A few years ago, I ended up in Emergency at our local hospital with a skyhigh fever and a developing case of pneumonia. I never thought an IV would feel so good. After the tests and diagnosis, I was sent home with an antibiotic.
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and reconnect with the present moment. Your spiritual self-thrives when you are living your life in the moment. Here you access presence, authenticity, and compassion and so much more. Mindfulness is a practice that helps you to stay in the present moment.
As the medicine worked, I worked on emotional, mental and spiritual issues that I felt were contributing. The lungs are governed by the heart chakra. Using my bowls, toning, and a few other tools, all symptoms were gone in 4 days. And I had some new clarity on some issues within me that had been festering for a while, contributing nicely to creating the pneumonia in the first place. I ended up being grateful for the whole experience. 4. Have you described anyone lately as a ‘pain in the neck?’ This can really cause a physical pain in the neck. Or do you have a fear of singing or speaking in front of others? This fear stifles the voice of your spirit and disconnects you from passion and purpose. This can show up as colds or laryngitis. I encourage you to look at the aches and pains bothering you and to consider asking if there is an emotional source underneath them. You may be surprised at the number of ‘yes’ answers you receive. So what to do? Here are a few tips on how to reconnect. 60 | MY Magazine
1. Sound is one of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your spiritual self, especially the sound of your own voice. Your spirit or soul thrives on harmony and always motivates you in one way or another, through illness or angst, to return to this state of harmony. Try this out: •
Bring your awareness to your heart or your heart chakra.
•
Think of something you are grateful for. Really feel this gratitude.
•
Feel your gratitude expanding to fill your whole body and even beyond.
•
When you feel this expanded gratitude, give it a voice. Sing ahhhh…right from your heart and this feeling of gratitude.
•
Sing the ahhhh… for at least two minutes or longer.
•
Sit in silence for a couple of minutes and notice how you feel.
2. Take a few deep breaths
3. Meditation is a wonderful way to reconnect and strengthen your spiritual self. As is Prayer. 4. Movement practices like yoga, chi gong, tai chi, and others feed your body and spiritual connection. 5. Reflection on your values, beliefs, and purpose is spiritual self-care that also strengthens and brings clarity. I encourage you to search out ways to connect with your spiritual self that has meaning for you. This is essential to your overall health and wellbeing. Sharon Carne is an author, speaker, musician, recording artist, sound healer, Reiki master and consultant. Sharon is the founder of Sound Wellness and the Sound Wellness Institute. Through the Sound Wellness Institute, holistic health practitioners receive the highest level of competency training in using sound and music to support their practice. Sound Wellness programs are at the forefront of education in how sound and music can be easily applied to your everyday life - to reduce stress, help you concentrate, energize you, inspire you and support your health. www.soundwellness.com
Lynn Darmon PSYCHIC MEDIUM REIKI PRACTITIONER
Make 2018 Your Year! Most recently featured on
Lynn has been featured on ABC’s 20/20, The Huffington Post, AOL, Yahoo News, The Oakland Press, The Detroit Jewish News, Eydis Magazine, MY Magazine, Body, Mind, Spirit Radio, the Lisa Bousson Show, and has been featured in the recently published book, “Everyday Oracles,” by Ann Bolinger-McQuade.
31224 Mulfordton • Ste. D • Farmington Hills • 248.860.1121 www.heavenswhisper.net • lynn@heavenswhisper.net Facebook: Medium Lynn Darmon SERVICES PROVIDED: In home In person • By phone • E-mail • Skype • myauthenticlifemagazine.com
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WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT
ABUNDANCE IN A VILLAGE IN GHANA by Ellen Rogin, CPA, CFP®
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n my first day back in Ghana, as I walked into breakfast at our hotel in Ghana’s capital city, Accra, I was greeted by Mustapha, an amazing young man I met on my last trip there. Remember Tigger from Winnie the Pooh? Well, Mustapha’s personality is kind of like that, but he’s also brilliant! Boundless energy, an infectious smile, and makes people feel amazing just being in his presence. He was there to meet our group involved in The Ghana Scholarship Fund and accompany us to Senchi-Ferry, a rural community a couple hours north of Accra. My husband Steven and our two college-age kids, Benjy and Amy, joined me on this trip. It had been many years since they had been back to the community. Driving on the partial paved and pothole-filled roads into the village of Senchi-Ferry for the fifth time, I felt so much more at ease than I did my first trip here eight years ago. It was more familiar, more comfortable and filled with anticipation to see friends I had made over the years. I was so excited for our kids to meet the university scholarship students I had met on my last trip. They were the same ages, facing similar issues, even though on the surface their lives seem so different. Each and every time I’m in Senchi and in Ghana, I grow and learn. Given that the people in
this community are very limited financial resources, you wouldn’t expect that I’d receive money lessons from them – but I did indeed learn a lot about abundance. What I learned about abundance:
1
Being grateful and appreciative keeps the cycle of abundance going. The chiefs in the community wanted to express their gratitude for the Scholarship Fund and honored us with a series of very special cultural events. There was a large event where all of the chiefs from the surrounding communities came, along with all of our high school and university scholarship beneficiaries and their families, for a program of local music, speeches, and presentations by the students. We also had a special evening with a smaller group of chiefs where they served us refreshments and shared their ritual of pouring “libations.” They gave us an opportunity to ask any questions we had about their customs, tribes, and rituals. They adorned us with special beads as a
thank you for the benefits of the education so many in their community have received (140 kids were sponsored by high school and 33 are currently in university). Although it’s the goal to be generous without an expectation of anything in return, it feels amazing when sincere gratitude and appreciation is given. Don’t you feel like you want to continually do more for people who are so gracious in their expression of appreciation? Similarly, when there isn’t gratitude, even though you might not have been expecting a thank you, are you typically super-excited to keep giving? Lesson: Be effusive in expressions of gratitude and appreciation.
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It’s easy to get caught up in the desire for more or worry about losing what we have. One of the easiest cures for this is to check in on what is truly great in your life. When you focus on what you do have as opposed to what’s lacking, you’ll not only feel happier and more prosperous, but also have new energy to create more financial abundance.
2
We have so much more than most people realize. Yes, money is important. We live in a material world. You need money to buy food and shelter. Many people in the community we visited do not have electricity or running water. They work hard each day to feed their families and often there isn’t enough. They strive to be able to pay school fees for their children, buy a TV, a refrigerator, or a car, and they dream of someday being able build a home. Clearly there are way too many disadvantaged people in the developed world; too many kids that go to sleep hungry. But for most people in the US they have their basic needs met.
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Although many of the people I met on this trip have little in terms of material wealth, they are rich in terms of community, joy, and connection to something greater than themselves. They are accepting of other’s religious beliefs, tribal heritage, and backgrounds. Lesson: Focus on what you have not on what you don’t have.
3
The dirty little secret about generosity… it feels great. This is why people who value generosity continue to give. Why do I keep going back to Senchi-Ferry? Why do I spend my resources to prepare for the trip and take time away from my business? Because what I receive is so much greater than what I expend in time, energy, and resources. This is what I’ve seen over and over: what you give without expectation of receiving anything in return comes back
to you many times over. Mustapha spends his Sunday afternoon with kids in the Zongo helping them to color and do art. The kids run to his step-father’s home to sit on the ground to color and learn from Mustapha. This kind act not only makes him feel good and earns the respect of people in his community, but has also circled back to him, leading to his job offer (even before he graduates from university) to be the CEO in Ghana for World Possible, an organization that helps provide offline learning to children throughout the country. Lesson: Good flows back to people who do good – but that’s not why they do good. Of course, it’s a good idea to learn about money from books, courses, advisors, and online. This is smart and practical. However, if this is the only way to focus on your money you’ll be missing the greater meaning and lessons that help you grow and flourish. Getting to know people with different backgrounds and experiences will help you really learn about life – at least it has for me. Ellen Rogin, CPA and CFP®, is an Abundance Activist® and author of the New York Times best seller, “Picture Your Prosperity: Smart Money Moves to Turn Your Vision into Reality.” Learn more about Ellen and her programs at. www.ellenrogin.com
“Faith Is Taking the First Step Even When You Don’t See the Whole Staircase.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
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JOY AS AJourney by Janette Stuart
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ow many of us have said or thought, “I’ll be happy when I get this, do that, attain that certification, complete this, lose weight, marry, graduate, retire…?” I know I have said or thought similar things plenty of times in my life. Today’s invitation is to treat joy as a journey and not just as a destination; to look for ways to find joy each and every day, not just as a reward for completing a task or milestone in life. I remember being on vacation in Hawaii with my family in Honolulu in 2003 and wishing ahead for our upcoming visit to Maui as I’d never been there. Thankfully, I was able to check my thoughts then and there and remember to enjoy the gift of the present moment and to delight in our time together each moment during the rest of our journey. Perhaps you’ve had a similar experience as well, dear one. In 2016, joy was my focus word for the year. I focused on finding joy each and every day and guess what? I was able to find joy daily because I was on the lookout for it. Setting an intention for the day
is key to conscious co-creation of whatever it is you are looking to create more of in your life. If you want more joy in your life, set that intention. If you want more financial security, love, ease…in your life, set those intentions. Using this key principle from The Law of Attraction will help manifest your desire. You can simply state “Today I choose to be on the lookout for joy.” It is like using an internal GPS to set your destination or focal point for the day. Whenever I don’t set an intention for the day, I feel a sense of loss like I’m bobbing around in the stream of life without direction. Think about joy as a journey along your daily path. Mindfully seeking joy will call more joy to you. Pay attention to the details or signs along the way. I’m sure that, like me, you have often rushed past something in your haste because you were too busy and not paying attention and missed it the first time around. I have walked past something beautiful and not noticed it until my return. When this happens, it’s like an automatic restart to sharpen my focus and be here in the present
moment and, again, mindfully look for joy in my journey. Being on a journey is not always filled with butterflies, rainbows or unicorns, as you know. A journey can be difficult. You may encounter weather delays, twist an ankle, lose your way, face an obstacle or get a blister or bug bite to name a few hinderances. The important thing is to focus on where you want to end up even if that means taking a side journey or two. It’s all a part of the process. This month I am co-hosting a women’s retreat called “Your Path of Joy” in the San Francisco Bay Area on Saturday, March 10. It is a respite, a retreat, an afternoon away to delight your body, mind, and soul. You’ll walk away with a deeper sense of joy and divine connection as well as tips, techniques, and tools to enhance your daily joy journey. For more details visit https:// www.angel-angles.com/events. We’d love to have you join us. Joy will definitely be on the agenda and a huge part of our journey. Blessings of love, joy, and peace each and every day, dear one.
I’m Janette Stuart, Founder of Angel Angles which is my labor of love. I have wanted to express my soul’s work in a more visible way and am now devoting more time to Angel Angles since my retirement in 2015. Angel Angles exists to spread more love, joy and peace into the world. I have always loved to write, I write every day. I write longhand in several different journals as well as type electronically. I have always loved handwriting, the sending of cards and notes, the keeping of a journal or diary. My first book, “On a Path of Joy” will be available in September. I am thrilled. My hope is that the book will help the reader develop or enhance their relationship with their Creator. I am a grateful member of and core blogger for The Wellness Universe. The Wellness Universe is an evolutionary community of members who are positively impacting the world in one or more of the 7 areas of wellness. As a lifelong empath, I have experienced people’s feelings deeply. I have a deep compassion for my fellow man and love deeply. I choose to live a joy filled life each day and hope to help others do the same. Joy is my focus word for 2016. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area with my husband of 33 years, Mark, and our rescue boxer dog, Spike. We have a grown son, Max, who is happily serving in the Coast Guard. I am a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor as well as an angelic practitioner. Besides writing, I am a lifelong learner, who reads daily, I also enjoy walking in nature, sky watching, cooking, RVing along the California Coast and visiting with friends and family. Some of my most requested recipes are Asian Chicken Salad and Sticky Toffee Pudding. myauthenticlifemagazine.com 67
MOTHERS & DAUGHTERS by Kerri Hummingbird
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ne of the most complicated relationships to navigate is the one between mothers and daughters. I believe the reason for this is because of a long history on the Earth of women being domesticated to think and behave in a variety of ways that serve to diminish self-worth, systematize the illusion of powerlessness, and create dependency upon others 68 | MY Magazine
(primarily men) to survive. Women have been trained to deny their own feelings, even to fear their intuitive powers, and to silence themselves out of fear of losing the security provided by the systems of control in which they operate. My mother belongs to the baby boomer generation that saw an unprecedented number of
women in the workforce begin to claim their own livelihood. In many ways, her generation was between worlds: a world where the source of your security was entirely invested in a man, and a world where a woman can create a life of her own choosing. I remember my grandmother telling me at fifteen that she would not vote for me if I ran for President because the Bible
her first and second husbands, refusing to accept emotional and physical abuse and marry her third husband who treated her with respect and love. I witnessed for over 40 years the undying devotion of my Dad for my mother. He provided for her every need, he made her laugh when she was stressed, and he did his best to always let her speak her mind. They had an incredible relationship that most people wish for. My relationship with my mother, however, has been fraught with landmines. My Dad would encourage me to speak my mind; my mom would misinterpret my words, look for innuendo and sass, and twist me up like a pretzel trying to not offend her. Needless to say, if I had an issue that needed to be addressed, I went to my Dad because at least with him, I could expect fair even-handed treatment.
says “women serve men” not the other way around. I was quite offended at the time that she would not support her own granddaughter. Now I wonder whether she realized that the office of President is completely ‘in service’ to others (when held with integrity). The freedom that my mother gave herself was to divorce
As I’ve been on my healing journey, I’ve cleared many domesticated patterns within myself that were passed down through my lineage and culture. I’ve let go of being a ‘pleaser’ to manipulate people into doing what I want because I’m super nice. I’ve let go of the ‘silent game’ to coerce cooperation from another person with whom I am arguing. I’ve stopped using female sexual appeal to get men to do what I want. I’ve coughed up decades of choked-back truth and spat it out onto the Earth. All of that just so I could know myself in truth as a woman
with two feet on the ground. I’ve even let go of needing my mother to like me. It’s hard to like someone who reflects to you the painful choices you made as a young mother. It’s hard to watch your daughter struggle through decades of psychotherapy and broken relationships. And it’s just as hard to witness the good things. It’s hard to see your daughter claim the things you wanted for yourself. It’s hard to cheer on your daughter as she gets the college education you desperately desired, or when she finds her voice and speaks it in books that disclose things people of your generation kept private. It doesn’t matter that your daughter made it through the maze to the other side, loves herself, and is shining her light courageously in the world. When you are caught between two worlds, seeing what’s possible but not being able to make it happen for yourself, it’s a nearly impossible request that you celebrate your daughter’s freedom to express herself. If what I am saying to you resonates, let me share some powerful truths. •
Underneath all the painful interactions, your mom wants to do better; her soul knows what love is, but her personality doesn’t know how to get there through the inherited patterns.
•
Resentment, anger, and jealousy block the flow of love in any relationship. If myauthenticlifemagazine.com 69
I pray that our mothers and daughters learn to love, honor and respect each other as sovereign divine beings on the Earth who coexist in harmony as the fabric of our society to birth a new conscious humanity, side by side. I pray our mothers forgive themselves, and release all conditioned behaviors designed to separate women through competition, jealousy, and scarcity. I pray our mothers release shame, self-judgment, blame, guilt, manipulation, control through fear, and all other low vibration interactions that shut down their knowing of themselves as worthy of love, and have only served to armor their hearts against their daughters...the perfect mirrors of themselves and their imperfections. I pray our daughters forgive themselves, forgive their mothers, and release all conditioned behaviors learned from their mothers who were operating under a system of control from which they did not know who to break free. I pray our daughters discover their own self-worth beyond external validation. I pray our daughters courageously follow the wisdom in their own hearts to chart a new course for us all. I pray that all women learn to love themselves in full self-acceptance. Only from this place can we love and celebrate one another, knowing each of us is holding a key that unlocks a beautiful gift for humanity to enjoy. 70 | MY Magazine
you’re holding onto it, it’s a constant trigger for your mother (who is probably already judging herself). • Projections are a source of suffering between mothers and daughters. She can’t see YOU because she just sees all the things she doesn’t like about herself. • Energetic entanglements between mothers and daughters (toxic cords, taking on her pain, etc) are unhealthy for both women. • It is unwise to make the source of your self-worth dependent upon your mother’s validation of you. • Talking about all of your awareness with your mother is like poking a tiger with a hot iron. So if we can’t talk about it with our mothers, and they don’t have the tools to do the self-discovery that our generation knows how to do, what CAN we do? Pray.
Receive the free ebook, Reinvent Yourself: Indulge Your Deepest Desires By Becoming Who You Are Starving To Be at kerrihummingbird.com/gift Kerri Hummingbird Sami is a soul guide, shamanic healer, awardwinning author and inspirational speaker. Kerri has over 20 years of experience in leading by inspiration and a special passion for empowering women to be the artists of their lives. She mentors women to rewrite the story of their lives through inner transformation, connection to essence, remembrance of purpose, and realignment to authenticity and truth. www.kerrihummingbird.com
Life is an adventure, it’s not a package tour. Eckhart Tolle
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Healthy Living
ENDING THE JUNK FOOD HABIT by Liz Bull
D
o you find yourself craving foods that you know are not healthy? I’m often asked how to quit eating junk food. Read on for my powerful tips to unchain you from those cravings that have been holding you (and your body) hostage. Believe me, I get it! For many years I was addicted to sugar. If it was sweet, I HAD to have it! As a child, I loved Hawaiian Punch. In high school, I graduated to Cherry Coke and Tom Collins Mix. As a stressedout college student in Germany, I lived on chocolates, Italian ices and pastries.... and the breads!!! Later, I loved “adult beverages”... like Pina Coladas, Harvey Wallbangers, Long Island Iced Tea...and those wonderful after dinner liqueurs like Amaretto, Galliano and Bailey’s Irish Cream. I was also a huge fan of pasta, French bread and croissants... and deserts. My poor pancreas!!! You could rightly say that I know a thing or two about overcoming cravings and sugar addictions. Today, sugar is something I mostly avoid. Why? The after74 | MY Magazine
effects! It kills my energy and makes me sleepy. Worse, I end up with excess ear wax the following day. YUK! I have found that sugar is at the root of most cravings. It is in just about everything these days, not only junk food. It is in Campbell’s soup as well as flavored potato chips! Remember that simple carbs convert into sugar. In fact, there is some indication that people are addicted to the sugar in alcoholic beverages rather than the alcohol itself. I have noticed that many recovering alcoholics scarf down a lot of candy, cookies and ice cream. Chocolate is a special case. The craving may be for sugar; however, chocolate also supplies magnesium. Over half of our population is magnesium deficient. I find that when my magnesium levels are correct, I could not care less about chocolate. FACT: To get lasting results, cravings must be addressed on three levels: body, mind and spirit.
BODY
1. Eat small healthy meals/
snacks when you are actually hungry. This helps to keep your insulin levels more balanced so you are far less likely to crave sugar. The best healthy snacks are fresh fruits and vegetables, along with nuts and seeds. Chew each bite slowly- 30 times- and enjoy it! 2. AVOID eating foods with artificial sweeteners! Studies show that they may be one of the leading causes of obesity because you continue to eat in an attempt to satisfy the desire for sugar. Your body DOES know the difference! 3. Drink more water. Often we mistake hunger for thirst.
4. Avoid raisins and other dried fruits as they spike insulin levels. Avoid so-called energy bars. They are candy bars in disguise! 5. Drink Tension Tamer Tea.
MIND
Food ( including sugar) can never satisfy a hunger that is not physical. Sugar cravings are often an attempt to satisfy a hunger for the sweetness of life. If you are not happy, you are likely missing the sweetness that life has to offer you. When you live a balanced life on your own terms, you will find sweetness in your life without sugar. It is true that man does not live by bread alone! How are you feeding your soul? Are you nourishing it by doing what you love? Or are you starving it by doing everything but what you love? If so, your cravings are an attempt to help you satisfy that emotional hunger. Here are Six Steps to Feed Your Soul and Kill Your Cravings: 1. Find/notice the sweetness in your life! How? Start a gratitude practice. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel when you focus on what you are grateful for each day. Be grateful for the hot water in your shower, a flush toilet, sunny days and grocery stores. Say “Thank you” for everything. Even the yukky stuff has a lesson.
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the more opportunities will show up in your life to support you in having a happier, healthier life. How cool is that?!
WEIGHT LOSS MADE SIMPLE
2. Avoid the media and Negative Nellies! The media, for the most part, has us focused on the bad things happening in the world. We get so caught up in those things we forget about all of the good things. No wonder we are blind to the sweetness in our lives. 3. Nourish your soul! How? Do something you enjoy doing, every single day. Get help instead of doing everything yourself. Take regular “laugh breaks”. Get some fresh air and sunshine. 4. Move! To move a mood, move a muscle. Take a walk. Dance!!! 5. Use EFT- just tap on your collarbone to calm down. 6. See if there is a connection between the particular food 76 | MY Magazine
you crave and a situation or person who comforted you. When I realized that Hershey’s chocolate brought back good memories of my grandmother, it lost its power. I found ways to keep the memory and the feeling without having to eat the chocolate.
SPIRIT
Visualization and affirmations are powerful ways to kill cravings. Visualize yourself happy, healthy and actively doing what you love every day. Studies have shown that the brain does not know the difference. So, even if you aren’t yet doing what you love all of the time, the power of visualization will put you in the same state of mind as if you actually were already doing those things. These techniques feed and nourish your spirit! The more you do this visualization,
If you are ready to shed those pounds permanently, you’ll want to use a body, mind and spirit approach. In my Diet FREE program, you’ll get tools that will help you to overcome your cravings and to lose weight permanently without the struggle. Find out more at www.lizbull.com. With her innovative signature program she works with her clients to release their limiting beliefs, doubts, and fears, and helps them tap into their natural abilities and their bodies’ wisdom, making weight loss easy and safe. A Medical Intuitive, Master Theta Healer and Certified Virtual Gastric Band Practitioner , Liz has long been fascinated by the important role mind, body, and beliefs play in our lives. Her other studies and certifications include EFT, Psych-K, Matrix Energetics, Access Consciousness, QiGong, NLP and Transcendental Meditation. She has transferred her successful healing/mind-set work with businesswomen to the arena of weight loss because she has experienced firsthand the havoc and misery that obesity creates not only for the sufferer but for their families. www.lizbull.com
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A Star-Studded
Appetizer Party by Annabel Cohen
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F
ood-wise, appetizers make up the majority of many Oscar parties. They’re easy to eat while balancing a plate on the lap and are the perfect accompaniment for the trendy drinks and champagne as many serve this type of party. The recipes below will take less time than a feature-length flick to prepare and offer just the right amount of movie magic to each get-together. They’re quick to prepare and utilize simple, everyday ingredients.
treats. Fill a bowl with ridiculously priced fresh berries – you’re not spending on Harry Winston after all – and throw an Oscars party of which Vanity Fair would be jealous.
Supplement with stylish raw or grilled vegetables, perhaps an imported cheese display, store-bought sushi and your own favorite nibbles. Top off the evening with some fabulous desserts – order or make something star-shaped, or try your hand at sculpting a life-sized Oscar made completely out of rice-cereal marshmallow
Arrange bowls (or tubs or boxes if you can find them) of movie popcorn and theatre candy – Milk Duds and Snow Caps, anyone? – around the TV room and dim the lights for even more effect.
For extra fun, spread a red carpet on the floor (remnants are good) and provide inexpensive feather boas for the ladies and snazzy yet cheap bow ties for the gents (they’ll look great even with t-shirts).
And the winner is…you, for your magnificent performance as a party host.
Mini Caprese Tomatoes Makes 12 appetizer servings. 2 pints grape tomatoes 24 small sized fresh mozzarella balls (about the size of cherry tomatoes) 1/4 cup chopped red or Bermuda onions (optional) 1/4 cup prepared pesto 3 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar Salt to taste Fresh basil leaves, garnish (optional) Just before servings (up to 4 hours ahead). Combine all ingredients except basil and toss well. Arrange in a serving dish and serve at room temperature. Serve with toothpicks or small plates and forks. myauthenticlifemagazine.com 79
Sweet Onion and Parmesan Phyllo Cups Makes 30 appetizers. 1 Tbsp. olive oil 1 cup chopped sweet onions (such as Vidalia) 1/4 cup minced red bell pepper 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1/4 cup sliced almonds Fresh ground black pepper 1/2 cup fresh grated Parmesan Cheese 2 packages Phyllo cups (about 15 per package) Preheat oven to 350ÂşF. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onions and bell pepper and sautĂŠ for 5 minutes until the vegetables are soft. Set aside and cool for 5 minutes. Add the mayonnaise and almonds and stir well. Divide the mixture among the phyllo cups and sprinkle with the black pepper and Parmesan cheese. Arrange the cups on a rimmed baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes or until the filling is very hot.
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Salmon Pate Makes 36-40 appetizers. 2 cans (about 6 to 7 ounces each) salmon fillet (looks like a tuna can) 3 Tbsp. low-fat sour cream 3 Tbsp. fresh minced dill Juice of 1/2 lemon 2 Tbsp. drained capers Salt and pepper to taste 16-20 party pumpernickel bread, cut in half diagonally Dill sprigs, garnish Drain salmon if necessary and mash with a fork in a medium bowl. Add sour cream, dill, lemon juice, capers, salt and pepper and stir well. Arrange the salmon on the pumpernickel triangles (mound it rather than spread it) and garnish with a small sprig of dill. If you prefer, you may also serve this as a spread.
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Onion, Mushroom and Sundried Tomato Crostini Makes about 36 crostini. 1 French baguette, cut into 1/4-inch rounds Olive oil to brush on bread 2 Tbsp. olive oil 1 chopped onions, any variety 12 ounces mushrooms, sliced thin 1/2 cup oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes, chopped 1/4 cup fresh chopped parsley Kosher salt and pepper to taste 1 cup crumbled goat cheese 1/2 cup fresh grated Parmesan cheese Preheat oven to 350ยบF. Brush the bread slices with pesto or olive oil, place on a cookie sheet and toast until very lightly toasted, about 6-8 minutes. Meanwhile, Heat olive oil in a large skillet over high heat. Add onions, reduce heat and cook, stirring frequently for 5 minutes until the onions are translucent. Add the mushrooms and continue cooking, stirring occasionally for 10 minutes more until the onions are golden and most of the liquid from the mushrooms is evaporated. Stir in the sundried tomatoes and parsley. Let cool slightly and place a small amount of this mixture on each of the toasts. Sprinkle with salt and pepper, crumbled goat cheese and Parmesan cheese. Just before serving, bake the crostini until very hot, about 15 minutes. 82 | MY Magazine
Quick Mustard Pecan and Crumb Coated Baby Lamb Chops The trick to this recipe is to cook the lamb a bit first and then finish the cooking just before serving. 2 8-rib racks of lamb (about 3 pounds), bones and meat trimmed of most of the fat 1/4 cup Dijon mustard 1 cup plain breadcrumbs 1/2 cup finely chopped pecans 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
Preheat oven to 400ยบF. Arrange the racks, bone side up, on a baking sheet and roast for 10 minutes. Remove from heat and cool until ready to serve (this may be done up to a day ahead). Before cooking to serve, spread the meaty portions of the rack of lamb with mustard. Combine the breadcrumb and nuts and press the mixture over the mustard. Arrange the lamb as before and roast for 20 minutes, or until a meat thermometer registers 130ยบF to 140ยบF. Let the rack stand for a few minutes before slicing into individual chops and serving, drizzled with the balsamic vinegar. Makes 16 appetizer chops. myauthenticlifemagazine.com 83
Appetizer Turkey Kebabs With Cherry Dipping Sauce Makes about 24 kebabs.
Sauce:
2 cups frozen pitted sour cherries, thawed 1 cup chopped onions 1 tsp. chopped garlic 2 Tbsp. sugar
2 tablespoons vegetable oil 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
Kebabs:
2 pounds boneless skinless turkey breast, cut diagonally into 1/2-inch strips (or 1/2-inch chunks)
24-36 6 to 8-inch bamboo skewers, soaked in water for 1 hour Salt and pepper to taste Paprika to taste
Fresh chopped parsley, garnish Combine all sauce ingredients in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat and cook for 15-minutes. Remove from heat and cool. Transfer the mixture to a blender or bowl of a food processor and process until smooth. Chill until ready to use. Meanwhile, prepare the kebabs: Preheat oven to 375°F. Thread the turkey strips onto skewers using a sewing method. Spray a baking sheet with nonstick cooking spray and place the kebabs as they’re made onto the sheet. Sprinkle the kebabs with salt, pepper, and paprika. Bake until the turkey is just cooked through about 10 minutes. Arrange on a platter or stick them into a small cabbage head that’s been cut flat to sit squarely on the platter. Sprinkle parsley over all and serve with the cherry sauce in a bowl on the side. Annabel is a foodie. She’s a writer. A cooking instructor. An explorer. She’s a aesthete. She knows how to cook. Until fairly recently, Annabel only cooked for people she knows. Her catering, articles, blogs and ANNABEL COHEN COOKS DETROIT Facebook page have earned not just kudos, but awards as well. She was chosen as a Crain’s Detroit Business Magazine “Most Passionate Cooks” and has been profiled in: The Paper, HOUR Detroit, The Detroit News, The Detroit Free Press, The Big Idea, Oakland Press, Royal Oak Tribune, The Detroit Jewish News, Style Magazine, “LIVE in the D,” among others. She won “Best Caterer” in 2015 in The Detroit Jewish News, and in 2014 in HOUR Detroit magazine. She was voted 84 | MY Magazine
“Best Brazilian Food” by Detroit Monthly magazine. Among countless television and radio appearances, Annabel was the deciding judge on the Travel Channel’s “Food Wars” for a Detroit episode pitting rivals Lafayette Coney Island against American Coney Island. Annabel is an author. She co-authored “Eating for Acid Reflux” in 2003 and in 2013 created all the recipes for 2014’s “Fast Diets for Dummies.” As a stylist, Annabel has assisted in countless photo shoots and tested and styled recipes for ads, articles and even a few books she didn’t write. She’s also a cooking instructor and writer/columnist with articles that focus on her favorite things — food, travel and lifestyle.
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