Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Page 47
The Old Fogey
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Ah, those good old Cape May days... by Jackson D’Catur
id you know Cape May is the birthplace of ice cream? Perhaps you did: you are an erudite lot, known for your taste, elegance and certain peculiar sexual habits. But no more of that: did you also know that our city was where the most powerful, most flavorful ice cream ever made was created? Of course you didn’t, for only one man survived that day to tell the tale, and he paid such a terrible price that the details will horrify you further down this very page. I remember it like yesterday (when it was really more than half a century ago): the boardwalk was thick with people slurping on cones. I thought I saw on some faces a certain ennui, a boredom with the humble ice cream, and knew then that it was time to up the ante. So I locked myself away with the world’s top ice creamiers, who also counted among their number some of the world’s foremost German rocket scientists. I was never able to work out why, other than the speculation that sweating in searing hot bunkers below
a rocket’s exhaust cause a chap to lust for the very best frozen treats. And that is also why rockets are the same shape as ice cream cones – an homage to the refreshment. Anyways, we realized that the pinnacle of ice cream evolution would be to pack the flavor and creaminess of 100 regular ice creams into the one cone. Well, those rocket scientists devised a machine of fiendish complexity and frightening size, where helmeted and masked technicians shoveled fresh ice cream into a pressure chamber.
All was going well. The lights were dimming, the valves were crackling and static electricity was making the hairs on my head stand on end. The blame for what happened next was not mine, I stress, even if my hand was the one that turned the large, red dial marked “Intensität” (those Germans…) from “hoch” (high) to “lächerlich Hohe” (ridiculously high). I mean, who puts that on a dial if it’s not meant to be used? I recall a high-pitched scream, everything went very bright, then there was what can only be described as an explosion of glass, metal and taste. A shimmering glitter coated every surface of the room, smelling most wonderful. I had no choice but to touch a finger to my tongue, and could see everyone else doing so too. Doctors later said that only I stumbled out of that basement, raving about tasting God. The others had all suffered exploded heads, and army bulldozers had to fill in the site and concrete it over for fear of contamination. My tongue, sadly, was unsalvageable, and I now wear an ivory replica in its place.
Definitely not just your grandmother’s tearoom! Sure, you’ll find tasty tea sandwiches, freshly-baked scones and teabreads served with clotted cream, and that traditional, elegant service that you associate with fine dining. But there is so much more to The Carriage House. In addition to our traditional Tea Luncheon and Afternoon Tea, The Carriage House offers hearty fare from the café menu, plus homemade soups, and hearty wholesome entrée salads that fill you up while still letting you feel virtuous for eating a salad.
So try it today, and bring grandmom along, too…. She’ll love you for it!
Here’s more to like....
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NEW CAFE MENU... Quiche of the Day • Wraps Panini of the Day • Entrée Salads
The
For reservations ... 609-884-5111
Carriage House at the Physick Estate
1048 Washington St., Cape May, NJ • 609-884-5404 Operated by the Mid-Atlantic Center for the Arts & Humanities (MAC)
PLENTY OF FREE PARKING