Monarchy seeks Guild’s advice on rebrand

IN the latest signs of a growing crisis for the royal family, Exeposé can exclusively reveal that the monarchy has sought advice from Exeter University’s Students’ Guild on a rebrand.

Exeposé has seen leaked letters exchanged between Buckingham Palace and Devonshire House which stated the monarchy hoped to “take inspiration from the successful and ongoing Guild rebrand” to improve its poor reputation among the youth, with 61 per cent of 18-24-yearolds backing abolishing the monarchy in an opinion poll last week.

The Students’ Guild is the natural pick for advice on improving youth popularity, being renowned for its own popularity amongst the young people of Exeter — a huge 12 per cent of the student population turned out to vote in February’s Guild Elections. One of the breakout stars of that election was the runner-up, Captain ‘Trey’ Hook Tallon, who is to become King Charles III’s ‘Special Youth Engagement Adviser’.

Unfortunately, Tallon’s suggestion of replacing the traditional Crown Jewels with a pirate hat in last weekend’s Coronation was too late to be implemented, but a raft of modernising policies will be coming to the Windsor household in the next few weeks. Following up on one of Tallon’s trademark Guild Election policies, Charles is planning to send the disgraced Prince Andrew on a redemptive tour of the country to distribute limes to the King’s subjects — not the first time Andrew has left a sour taste.

The royal family can also take significant inspiration from the Guild’s longer-term rebranding plans, with both the monarchy and the Guild rebrand being regarded by young people as a fatuous waste of money. The Guild’s principles of clarity, transparency and accessibility are certainly shared by the monarchy, which is amongst the most accessible institutions in the country, unless you’re a non-white, non-aristocratic American woman, of course.

As both the Students’ Guild and the royal family mark the start of a new era with a brand revamp, it remains to be seen whether this unexpected collaboration will fend off growing republicanism among young people.

IN a shocking turn of events, the editors at Exeposé have resorted to desperate measures to meet their deadlines — turning to an advanced language model known as ChatGPT to write their leftover articles.

According to sources within the publication, the Exeposé team found themselves in a dire situation with deadlines approaching and a shortage of human writers available to complete the task. In a last-ditch effort to save the day, they turned to ChatGPT, a cutting-edge AI developed by OpenAI.

One anonymous Exeposé editor had this to say: “We are at the end of our rope, we have tried everything. We have tried to bribe our writers, we have tried to threaten them, we even tried to hypnotise them, but nothing worked. So, we turned to ChatGPT, it’s the only way.”

“It’s a lifesaver,” said another editor. “ChatGPT is able to understand and respond to our prompts, allowing us to focus on more important tasks like getting lunch and taking long coffee breaks.”

The editors fed ChatGPT a steady stream of prompts, and the model responded with a neverending stream of gibberish that the editors passed off as real articles.

The results were both astounding and concerning. Not only were the articles completed in record time, but they were also of such high quality that readers couldn’t tell the difference between the AI-generated content and that written by human journalists.

In response to this development, Exeposé’s Editor-in-Chief issued a statement saying, “We are proud to be at the forefront of technological advancements in the media industry. Our readers will no longer have to suffer through mediocre writing or delays in publishing. With ChatGPT, we can produce highquality content at lightning speed.”

But the real question is, will readers be able to tell the difference? Only time will tell if this bold move by the Exeposé team will pay off or if it will be the end of the publication as we know it. But one thing is for sure, the future of journalism looks bright and shiny, with a metallic finish. Let’s just hope the AI doesn’t turn on the editors and take over the publication.

This is a composite of seven responses to the question ‘Can you write a satire article on “Desperate Exeposé editors turn to ChatGPT to write lefotover articles”?’.

All words are written by ChatGPT.