My Child With Special Needs Believes Their Teacher Doesn’t Like Them

By Dr. Ronald I. Malcolm

Having your child tell you their teacher doesn’t like them can be tough. No parent wants to hear this comment from their child. Such a statement can cause panic in the heart of any parent. Rather than react hastily, it is important to remain calm and try to advocate for your child in a professional manner.

Here are 10 simple suggestions to consider when following up on your child’s comment:

As your child with a disability expresses themselves, it is essential you listen carefully to them. Take notes on what your child is telling you if possible. Your notes may be something you will need to refer to at another point in time. As your child shares their concern, you need to remain calm and composed, so they don’t shut down as they begin to explain themselves. Your child will watch you and likely copy or cater to your reactions. Children need to feel comfortable expressing themselves to their guardians without fear of being punished or judged.

As your child continues to express their feelings, it is crucial that you don’t overreact. Continue to listen. It may be challenging not to become reactive. However, your child needs to know you value and appreciate their ability to share feelings. They may be more likely to continue the conversation if you continue to listen and not react actively. Remember to thank your child for sharing this information with you. This is not the time to determine if the information is accurate. It is simply a time to listen to your child’s perspective.

Your child may be apprehensive about you talking to their teacher. They may fear the teacher will dislike them even more or worsen the situation. Despite this, it is important to speak to the classroom teacher to allow them to have a voice. Regardless of whether the situation is true, everyone needs to be aware of the child’s perception. Work together with your child’s teacher to develop a plan to deal with this situation sensibly and immediately.

The placement of children with disabilities into regular education classrooms has certainly come a long way in the past 40 years. Previously, most children with disabilities were placed in separate educational settings. If, after talking with your child’s teacher, you believe a problem exists between them and your child, you may need to have the school principal intervene. Making your child’s principal aware of this possible concern can assist with the situation being monitored during the school day.

The situation between your child and their classroom teacher can be resolved with some simple interventions. However, sometimes more profound interventions may be necessary. Your child’s perceptions may be correct, and the teacher may not feel comfortable with your child’s disability. The teacher may have had a negative interaction with someone with a similar disability in the past and is projecting their feelings on your child. Your child’s teacher may feel ill-prepared for how to interact or work effectively with your child’s circumstances. The local Director of Special Education can assist by directing both you and the classroom teacher towards some resources that can help the teacher with obtaining the necessary skills to work with your child effectively. The Director of Special Education can also begin to research in-service training that could improve the general education teacher’s relationship with your child.

Whether your child’s perceptions of how their classroom teacher thinks are correct or not, it is still how they feel. Most children with disabilities spend more time during their day with their classroom teacher than they do with their parents/caregivers. Therefore, their overall academic, social, behavioral, and emotional skills could be negatively impacted if they are involved in an educational environment where they feel disliked or overlooked. A school counselor could set up sessions with your child to teach them coping skills and how to enhance their self-advocacy skills regarding how to effectively deal with their perceptions or issues surrounding their own disability.

Your child may have an Individualized Education Program (IEP) at their school. This means they have access to a team of professionals that have a vested interest in their educational success during their school day. The team must be aware of your child’s feelings. Together, all these professionals can brainstorm how better to assist both your child and the classroom teacher. As a parent, if you feel uncomfortable addressing this issue alone at an IEP meeting, request an advocate accompany you to the meeting. Some organizations can provide an advocate at no cost to assist you at your child’s IEP meeting.

As an effective advocate for your child with a disability, your presence at the school can become vital. You could volunteer to be a room parent, assist on the playground, join the PTA, sponsor a club, sport, or after-school activity, or even observe in your child’s classroom. The point of observing in the classroom is not to cause a disruption or stress out the classroom teacher. Instead, this may give you a better idea of why your child may feel disliked by the classroom teacher. Most schools require a 24-hour notice that you plan to observe in your child’s classroom, so you need to prepare. Being actively engaged and visible at your child’s school could make a positive impact.

Your child may perceive the feelings of their teacher in error. If this is the case, your child may require counseling support and services outside the school environment. Work with your child’s pediatrician and a mental health professional to address their feelings and perceptions.

If it is determined that your child’s perception of their classroom teacher is indeed accurate, then you may have to work with the school principal to address this issue directly. No child should have to endure a classroom environment where the educator dislikes them. Your last effort to ensure your child’s mental health and preserve their self-esteem may lead you to request a change in the educator working with your child. The main person involved in assisting in making this change will be your child’s school principal. Involving them early in this process will help you and your child with a disability.

Dr. Ronald I. Malcolm, EdD, is an Assistant Director of Special Education for a public school district, an Associate Faculty Member with the University of Phoenix, and a Special Graduate Faculty member at the University of Kansas. He has bachelor’s level degrees in English and Special Education. He holds master’s level degrees in Counseling, Special Education, and School Administration. His doctorate degree is from Northern Arizona University in Educational Leadership. His post-graduate degrees are in Positive Behavior Supports and Autism Spectrum Disorders. He has worked for the past 37 years with students between the ages of three to 21 with various healthrelated concerns in both school and community-based settings.