Your Chi ld is Havi ng a Neuro-Crash , Wh at It Is How to Spot It, and Ways to Prevent It

By Raun K. Kaufman

IF YOUR CHILD OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM HAD AN ENTIRE ASPECT OF THEIR EXISTENCE PEOPLE WEREN’T SEEING, WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT? WHAT IF KNOWING ABOUT IT COULD UNLOCK—AND UNRAVEL—THE MOST CHALLENGING OF YOUR LOVED ONE’S BEHAVIORS, REACTIONS, AND CRISES? WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF NEURO-CRASHES.

What is a Neuro-Crash? It’s what happens when the imposed situation overwhelms your child or adult’s brain, so their coping mechanism shuts down. (We’ll get into why I use the term “imposed situation” in a bit.) You’ve probably had your own version of a Neuro-Crash at some point (many points?) in your life. Have you ever felt so completely overloaded and overwhelmed you just couldn’t take it anymore? Have you ever unexpectedly shut down, burst into tears, or lashed out at someone? These are signs of a brain that has reached its boiling point. A brain that has hit a wall. A brain that has simply had enough.

And guess what? Almost every instance of an extreme behavior or reaction on your child’s part is due to them having a Neuro-Crash. In fact, undiagnosed Neuro-Crashes lead to escalating, ongoing crises in the home and school. Understanding what causes Neuro-Crashes is the only way to prevent them. However, there is an elephant in the room blocking our ability to do this.

There is a pervasive misconception that your child or adult

(their autism, their behavior) is the problem. I know it can seem that way to someone looking in from the outside (hint: we’re all looking in from the outside), but that is not what’s actually occurring.

If your child were to start coughing, would you scold them or try to stop the coughing “behavior”? Of course not. Because you know the coughing is the symptom. The cause might be smoke in the air, or it could be an illness. Naturally, you’d then go about addressing that cause so you could help your child. If your child were in a very hot room, and they were shouting to be let out, you would never blame your child for shouting. You’d let them out. But, when it comes to extreme behaviors and reactions of children and adults on the autism spectrum, we’ve been taught to blame the person who is being burned instead of the fire, the person who is covering their ears instead of the siren, the person who is scratching their skin instead of the poison ivy surrounding them.

What do all of these analogies have in common? They are all situations in which the person’s reaction isn’t the problem; it’s the signal of the problem. We are often encouraged to stamp out the symptom, rather than understand and address the underlying issue. This leads us to focus on the effect instead of the cause.

Hitting, yelling, having a meltdown, swearing, inconsolable crying, expressing high anxiety, exhibiting extreme behaviors—these are what’s happening on the outside. On the inside…is a Neuro-Crash. Your loved one’s brain has reached critical overload, and the less extreme things they would normally do to cope and process (stimming, putting their hands over their ears, withdrawing, making certain sounds or movements, doing something that’s comforting/enjoyable) are no longer working, or are being actively thwarted by us.

So, rather than attacking our loved one’s cries for help, what if we could circumvent the very factors driving them over the edge in the first place? If we want to disarm the triggers setting our kids and adults off, we have to know what they are.

1. Being around an adult/parent/caregiver/educator who is agitated

2. Being pushed (particularly when a “No” is not respected or when they are being rushed)

3. Invasion of personal space (being too close, hugging them, picking them up, moving them, or taking their stuff without their permission)

4. Sensory overload

5. Unpredictability (we often act in unpredictable ways, don’t we?)

6. Unclear boundaries (we may change rules, make excep¬tions, etc.)

7. Bio-Storms (when something is introduced to a child or adult’s extra sensitive system—a food item, a chemical, etc.—that causes a temporary but powerful physiological reaction)

Remember the term “imposed situation” from earlier? That refers to the environments or conditions our children or adults are exposed to—usually beyond their choosing. These seven items constitute imposed situations that make it diffi¬cult or impossible for our loved ones to function. Your child is not the problem. The imposed situation is the problem. Only by correctly diagnosing the problem can we solve it. And if we solve the problem, the signal and symptoms disappear.

My colleague, Kate C. Wilde, and I developed five Crisis Turnaround Tools to precisely address these root causes of Neuro-Crashes. While they are comprised of many layers (Kate and I teach a course that spends two hours on each of them), there are steps and approaches you can begin taking right now:

• Step 1: Start practicing a skill we call “Socioception,” which is the ability to detect your loved one’s stress signals. Become a detective and hone your observational skills. Look for signs your child or adult’s stress levels are rising. Are they saying “No” a lot? Are their facial muscles tightening? Are they moving away from you? Are they pushing you away? If they are more verbal, is the pitch of their voice rising, or is the pace of their speech speeding up?

• Step 2: Look for any opportunities you can to end or avoid control battles by giving your child more autonomy. Is it that important they sit at the table with everyone when they eat? Is it crucial they wear the blue shirt you picked out and not the red one they love? If there is something problematic they keep getting into (eating all the ice cream in the freezer, for instance), can you avoid that battle by not buying it at all? Every control battle avoided is a Neuro-Crash averted.

• Step 3: Our loved ones on the spectrum are highly sensitive to our emotional state and level of agitation. Do whatever you have to do to show calmness. If you are agitated—whether it’s because you’re frustrated with what your child is doing or upset about something else—that will trigger an escalation in your child or adult’s emotional agitation, and that’s a fast-track to a Neuro-Crash.

• Step 4: There are myriad factors outside our direct relationship with our children and adults on the spectrum that can nevertheless trigger Neuro-Crashes. Today, let’s just take a baby step. Can you make your home environment less intrusive from a sensory standpoint? Is there background noise (lots of people talking, music not chosen by your child, someone talking loudly on the phone, a TV on in the living room, etc.) you can eliminate or tone down? What you might call making your home more “boring” might actually be, to your loved one, making your home more welcoming, comforting, and low stress.

• Step 5: What can get overlooked in our efforts to sidestep Neuro-Crashes are the positive moves we can make. Creating fun, enjoyable moments with our loved ones on the spectrum is key. Playing a game they love, giving them a deep pressure massage, showing interest in their interests, and showing appreciation and celebration can act as a kind of inoculation against Neuro-Crashes by building trust and acclimating their brain to a state other than fight-or-flight survival mode.

I’ve been where your loved one is, so I know what they are capable of if approached in a way that goes with their specialness, not against it. As a child, I was diagnosed with severe autism. I had no language and was completely enveloped in my own world. My parents were told I had an IQ below 30 and would need to be permanently institutionalized when I got older.

My parents turned their backs on those prognoses. To help me, they created The Son-Rise Program® and worked with me one-on-one for over three years. Their work enabled me to blossom into a very social, highly communicative boy and conquer my challenges.

Rather than trying to force me to conform to a world I did not yet understand, they joined me in my world first. Instead of stamping out my so-called symptoms, they sought to address what was going on underneath. So, my own life is a testament to the value of listening to the person’s signals, looking for root causes, seeking to understand, and creating a universe in which people on the spectrum are embraced. That’s a world where, no matter where they’re starting from, your loved one can thrive.

An international lecturer and graduate of the Ivy League’s Brown University with a degree in Biomedical Ethics, Raun K. Kaufman is the author of the book Autism Breakthrough and the co-creator of the ACT (Autism Crisis Turnaround) protocol, which pioneered the concept of the Neuro-Crash. The former CEO of an international autism training non-profit, Raun has spent more than 25 years developing innovative heart-led autism approaches built around a true understanding the autistic brain, nervous system, psyche, and experience and has worked with families and educators from over 100 different countries. As a child, he was diagnosed with so-called “severe” (non-speaking) autism and recommended for lifelong institutionalization. Instead, his parents worked with him in a totally new way they developed, enabling him to blossom, grow, and, ultimately, accomplish everything his parents were promised he would not. A best-selling book and award-winning television movie were made about his journey. He has been interviewed by media such as National Public Radio, BBC Television, Fox News Channel, The London Telegraph, and People Magazine.

Website: www.raunkkaufman.com

By Jessica Leichtweisz, MPS

ONE OF THE MOST CHALLENGING THINGS FOR ANY PARENT IS WHEN A CHILD CANNOT COMMUNICATE WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE SCHOOL DAY. THIS MEANS YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE WHATEVER INFORMATION IS GIVEN AT FACE VALUE, AND ALL TOO OFTEN, SIGNIFICANT DETAILS ARE LEFT OUT. IT’S BECOMING INCREASINGLY COMMON TO HEAR STORIES ON THE EVENING NEWS ABOUT ABUSED CHILDREN OR KIDS WANDERING OFF IN SITUATIONS WHERE THEY LACK COMMUNICATION SKILLS. THIS IS MANY PARENTS’ BIGGEST NIGHTMARE.

However, you can proactively do things to help your child communicate what happened when you are not there, especially if there is an autism diagnosis. By implementing the three strategies we discuss in this article, you can have more peace of mind knowing you are doing all you can to keep your child safe.

A social story is traditionally used to teach a child how to respond in a social situation. However, a modified “social story” can be used as a way for your child to tell you what happened in their day. It can help them identify events they need assistance with, and it can also give you insights as to how things went during the school day.

You can do this by creating a story template that prompts your child to “fill in the blank.” This makes their response easy and may encourage them to share information they might not have been able to otherwise.

An example could be, “Every day, I take the bus to school. Today on the bus, I felt _____” or “During recess today, I played with _____ “ or “During math time today, Mr./Mrs. Teacher’s Name said I did a _____ job. This made them feel _____.” Another useful prompt when using a social story is to include a section that asks a child what the best and worst part of their day was.

At first, this may be challenging for your child to complete and understand, but if you practice it daily, they will learn what is expected of them, and you will gain valuable insight into their day.

Sometimes, using visuals will help a child communicate more effectively. Some children, especially those with autism, may not be able to communicate verbally, and this can be very frustrating for you both. A communication device, such as a picture board or iPad, can help your child express themselves in ways that they cannot do otherwise. This will enable them to share their feelings and thoughts about the day even when they cannot verbally express themselves.

For example, you could say, “Tell me about your day at school,” and show pictures of them or generic visuals depicting feeling happy, sad, angry, etc.

Then they can point to how they felt in school today or respond using an iPad application. You can repeat this exercise by asking, “Who did you play with today?” and showing photos of their friends. Or you can ask, “What did you do today in school?” and show them pictures of activities.

One thing that can be a downside to using an iPad or choice board is the lack of responses. However, while your child will only respond with pre-set answers, it’s better than you asking them vocally and getting nothing in return!

Many children focus on one small thing during school, which can be very misleading. For example, your child might have had a great day in school, but right before dismissal, the teacher asked them to sit down, and they came home crying, saying that their teacher yelled at them. That is because due to poor executive functioning skills, many children with autism struggle with gradients of emotions.

The emotion thermometer is a simple way to help your child understand how they are feeling and that some things may make them very happy/angry or a little happy/angry. The best way to teach this is to get an abacus like the one pictured above. For example, if your child said they are angry or that their teacher was mean, you could use the beads to have your child demonstrate whether their teacher was a little bit angry or very angry. This can help you understand the context of what happened and help your child realize and process their emotions. Use this strategy by talking about it beforehand and then demonstrating it together when you are ready, so your child understands why they are using it. This will give you a much better understanding of what took place in school.

Not all special needs children are able to communicate what happened throughout their school day. However, there are things you can do proactively to help your child connect more effectively and help you understand their world better. By implementing the preceding three strategies, you will gain better insight into your child’s school day and will gain more peace of mind.

Development and Psychopathology 18 ~2006!, 591–617 Copyright © 2006 Cambridge University Press Printed in the United States of America DOI: 10.10170S0954579406060305

Gray, C. (2000). The new social story book: Illustrated edition. Arlington, TX: Future Horizons.

Marjorie Solomon, Executive Function (EF), Encyclopedia of Autism Spectrum Disorders, 10.1007/978-3-319-91280-6, (1877-1880), (2021).

Jessica Leichtweisz, MPS, is the founder of Hope Education Services and is passionate about helping parents understand their children with autism. She authored the Amazon number one bestselling book This is Autism and has been quoted in several major media outlets including The New York Times, Forbes, and MSN. Jessica completed a master’s degree in Special Education from Manhattanville College and did her post-graduate studies in Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) at Kaplan University. Jessica has been working with children with autism since 2008.

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