Re gu lating Wh en Meltdown s Occur

By Brandy Browne

YESTERDAY, I WATCHED IN FRUSTRATION AS MY DAUGHTER MELTED INTO A CRYING BALL OF WILD CURLS ROCKING BACK AND FORTH. WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM? SHE HAD HELPED SWEEP THE FLOOR, BUT WHAT IF SHE HAD GOT A CRUMB OF THE CHICKEN FEED WE KEEP IN A BIG TUB BY THE DOOR ON HER HAND? NOW, SHE DIDN’T FEEL WE COULD TAKE THE BABY BUNNIES OUT OF THE CAGE TO HOLD BECAUSE WHAT IF THEY LICKED HER HAND AND THEN DIED? SHE WAS STUCK IN HER UPSTAIRS BRAIN (A DANIEL SEGEL TERM...LOOK UP HIS RESEARCH ON THE BRAIN...IT’S FASCINATING), AND THERE WAS NO REASONING WITH HER. THIS IS NOT AN UNUSUAL OCCURRENCE. SHE IS ONE OF MANY AROUND THE WORLD WHO DEAL WITH CRIPPLING ANXIETY AND ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER (ADHD) TO BOOT. AS A PARENT AND EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATOR WITH A DEGREE IN PARENTING AND CHILDHOOD DEVELOPMENT, I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT HOW TO HANDLE THESE MELTDOWNS WHEN THEY OCCUR.

I’ll share my tips of the trade, but rest assured, no matter how knowledgeable you are, it can still be incredibly frustrating and heart-wrenching to watch.

First and foremost, de-escalate the situation. My daughter thrives on physical touch, so I wrapped her up in my arms and held her until I felt her body relax under my arms. Some children have an aversion to touch, and in this case, it would be best to simply sit nearby, offering a calm presence until the worst has passed.

Be intentional about thriving on routine. While spontaneity may have a place, children who have difficulty regulating and de-escalating need structure and routine. In a personal interview with writer Julia Cook (author of My Mouth is a Volcano, I Just Don’t Like the Sound of No, and Herman Jiggle, Say Hello!), she noted, “anxiety has to do with predictability” (J. Cook, personal communication, March 17, 2021). When children who suffer from anxiety or even ADHD, autism, etc., do not have a clear picture of what is expected, it can cause panic and disruptive behaviors that stem from worries about what is to come.

Children’s literature has a wealth of strategies that can give children a concrete way to help manage anxiety. For example, I employed a strategy from Suzanne Chiew’s The Worry Box in coaching sessions with clients this past winter. One particular child struggles with anxiety and sensory processing disorder, and is on the spectrum. We read the story together, and she made her own “worry box.” The purpose of the worry box is to list the things that are causing the child stress and “put them away.” Then, you can take them out with a trusted adult to talk to. This helps give worry a time and place, rather than taking over their day.

Julia Cook discussed a similar strategy in a recent interview. She stated, “I like to have kids write down everything that is stressing them out on a piece of paper. Then, draw a circle on another piece of paper. They look at their list...if they have control over the thing they are stressing out about, it goes inside the circle. If they can’t control it, it has to stay outside the circle. They focus their energy on the things that they have control over. Another thing that has worked for kids is anxiety recipe cards. So, they have a worry…What if Mom doesn’t pick me up on time? What happens? Well, you wait for a while.

Then, you call. They talk through that process and write it on the card. Then, the card goes inside their recipe box that they keep in their backpack. So, they don’t have to have that worry up here (motions towards head)” (J. Cook, personal communication, March 17th, 2021).

Additionally, so much excessive anxiety stems from sleep deprivation. Here, parents must be very intentional about making sure the sleeping environment is calm and relaxing for children. Leave electronics out of the sleeping area. Instead, opt for low lighting, cool temperatures, and possibly a white noise machine. The white noise machine is quiet enough not to disturb children but has enough sound that it blocks out general night time noises that may be distracting.

Battling anxiety with a child who has other exceptional needs can be extremely exhausting and isolating for parents. It is important to reach out to your support system to help you through. There are various online support groups that serve this purpose, as well as any local parent groups in your area, church groups, or friends and family. Additionally, maintaining your self-care routine (while difficult at times) is critical in helping you remain regulated enough to be able to help your child regulate.

An unregulated child will never learn to properly regulate from an adult who is not regulated themselves.

Cook, J. 2021, March 17th. Personal Interview

Brandy Browne is an early childhood educator in the United States, as well as a family coach and blogger for UnStuck, her family coaching service aimed at helping families develop positive habits and breaking the cycle of generational trauma and poverty. Her degree is in early and elementary education, and she also has a master’s degree in parenting and child/adolescent development. Brandy is the wife of her high school sweetheart of 15 years, and together they share three children, aged ten, seven, and five. In her free time, she enjoys reading, gardening, writing, and distance running.

By JC Ellinger

IN 2018-2019, ACCORDING TO THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR EDUCATION STATISTICS, THE NUMBER OF STUDENTS FROM AGES THREE TO 21 WHO RECEIVED SPECIAL EDUCATION SERVICES UNDER THE INDIVIDUALS WITH DISABILITY ACT (IDEA) WAS 7.1 MILLION. OR 14 PERCENT OF ALL PUBLIC SCHOOL STUDENTS. IF YOU TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE STUDENTS WHO ALSO RECEIVE SERVICES UNDER SPEECH OR LANGUAGE IMPAIRMENT, THAT PERCENTAGE EXPONENTIALLY INCREASES TO ACCOUNT FOR OVER 50 PERCENT OF STUDENTS WHO RECEIVE SUPPORT UNDER IDEA.

Support staff in the school setting present themselves in many forms, but all have the weight of responsibility heavy on their shoulders—a weight of over seven million students to be exact. The roles these special individuals play take the shape of speech therapists, occupational therapists, paraprofessionals such as autism aides, and physical therapists (PT). Many students and parents of neurotypical children may not even be aware support for these specific needs exists. Yet parents who have accessed these services have done so out of necessity, for the support these therapists and aids provide is the bridge that connects children with exceptional needs to their educational goals.

School physical therapists are dedicated to working with students in the school setting. Lucie Haisen, PT, MPT, referred to as “Ms. Lucie” by her students, has been working as a school physical therapist in the Los Angeles Unified School District for over 15 years. She shared some of the ins and outs of being a school PT that have helped the kiddos she works with every day achieve heartwarming triumphs such as this:

“He had cerebral palsy and autism and was mainly in a wheelchair throughout his day. Although he was non-verbal, made minimal eye-contact, and didn’t understand directions, he loved music. I saw his potential for walking because his core strength and leg muscles were strong enough to support his body weight when we [his mom and I] stood him up. It was months of crawling behind him while I moved his legs through a reciprocal walking motion. His mom held his hands over a walker to teach him to hold on while his favorite songs played on a small portable radio strapped to his walker. Finally, he started taking steps on his own while holding onto his walker!”

The peaks and valleys of this impactful job create challenges, but patience and heart work directly toward the development of deserving students. Whether a student is working on holding a pencil so they can create written text for the first time or is building up to standing from their wheelchair, it is the school PTs who play a pivotal role in reaching their goal.

Mrs. Haisen added, “The most challenging thing about being a school PT is building trust and a good working relationship with the parents [of the student].”

A school therapist will meet with the parent in the initial stages for testing and/or to develop a plan to address the goals agreed upon in conjunction with the IEP (Individualized Education Program) team, but once therapy sessions begin, the parent and therapist do not typically have the opportunity to meet regularly. As a parent, it’s easy to forget when your child has had therapy that day, and I know it is common (just by way of busy schedules) for the therapist to fall out of communication with the parents.

As in any profession, there are singular superheroes who go out of their way to make the extra effort. Mrs. Haisen is one of them. She makes the effort to call, text, or email parents throughout the school year to let them know what she is working with the student on. “I also give them suggestions for practice at home and to celebrate progress or new skills,” she continued.

With her medically-based PT background, Mrs. Haisen worked with parents more closely on a daily basis, so she understands the value of parents getting to know the therapist one-on-one. Our own experiences can filter into our everyday practices. PTs have the gift of gifting their training, experience, and commitment in the form of therapy to their students.

As a parent herself, Mrs. Haisen can relate to the natural worries of being one. And although the current times have changed, she, like many other therapists in the school setting, is still making her mark. Parents and therapists are having to seek op-portunities to get creative with their therapy sessions through virtual telehealth. It can be a delicate balance to create a virtual therapy session that still incorporates their goals while making the sessions “fun and engaging.” However, parents can rest assured there are still impactful individuals creating smiles one child at a time.

“Students with Disabilities.” National Center for Educational Statistics, May 2020, nces.ed.gov

Accessed February 2, 2021.

JC Ellinger brings life stories and experiences as an autism mom to publications such as Exceptional Needs Today and Autism Parenting Magazine. She is currently working on her first children’s book geared at bringing relatability and support to other ASD children just like her amazing son. JC carries an MBA from Regis University and a BA in Communications from CSU Long Beach. Now, she is returning to graduate school to add an MA in English to her resume and spread her love of writing to young minds.

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Email: Juliet.ellinger01@gmail.com