The Male Mind During No Contact by exbackexpertise

The Male Mind During No Contact 17 June, 2021 | created using PDF Newspaper from FiveFilters.org

The Male Mind During No Contact

So, What Is The Male Mind During No Contact? Most relationship experts would agree that one of the common reasons men break up with their partners is that they are emotionally unavailable. This means that the guy has decided that he is unfit to carry on being in the relationship. Perhaps the emotional attraction is lost, or even the sex feels like a chore or is nonexistent. The spark is not there anymore. Most of the time, guys miss their freedom and need their own time and space to explore more of their world. They see freedom as a currency to help them find and own a piece of success. This means that being in a relationship is blocking their way to achieve their new needs. RELATED: Does The No Contact Rule Work On Men If You Want Him Back?

When you’re going through the No Contact Rule, it’s normal for you to keep thinking about your ex. Most of the time, you find yourself uncontrollably thinking about the memories with tons of questions, wondering what went wrong. Now that your ex-boyfriend is out of the picture, it’s natural for you to think about how he is dealing with the breakup. The male mind during No Contact. What do guys think and do during the next 30 or so days of radio silence? Will your ex show a sign of weakness and regret breaking up, or will he charge forward with his newfound freedom to a new chapter of his life without you? Before we begin discussing the male mind during No Contact, keep in mind that all men are different and experience a wide range of emotions. Some guys could feel tense and become angry (even if they initiated the breakup), while others could be stubborn and clueless after the breakup. In this post, I’m going to assume that your ex-boyfriend initiated the breakup. He broke up with you, and now you’re wondering what he’s going through. Is he going through an unstable wave of negative emotions like you are? To be honest, I’m usually hesitant to explain what the ex-partner is going through during No Contact. It doesn’t matter if it’s the male mind or female mind, the only focus you should have during the No Contact Rule is you. Any thoughts of your ex and past relationship will only slow down your healing progress. RELATED: The No Contact Rule To Rule Your Next 30 Days Without Any Heartbreak

What your ex-boyfriend is thinking about during No Contact is mainly related to how he’s going to utilize his newfound freedom. Now that he’s freed himself from relational responsibilities, it’s time for him to embark on a new journey to conquer his world. “So is my ex-boyfriend not going through the same emotional pain as I’m suffering?” The answer is both yes and no. Your ex will go through a certain wave of regret, pain, and loss during the first few weeks. But keep in mind that he has already made up his mind to break up with you long before making it official. This means that your former flame has already experienced and dealt with the turbulence of emotions ahead of time and concluded that splitting up is the best move for him and his interests. During the No Contact period, your ex-boyfriend will most likely be adjusting to his lifestyle and trying to capitalize on his new freedom. You might see him going on a few rebound relationships. Your ex might be making a push for a new promotion. Or he might move to a new city to start over with a new job. Whatever your ex-boyfriend has planned for, it’s a personal decision that he’s made. Unfortunately, he’s not willing to invest in the relationship and pursue his dreams. But sometimes, it’s more of a rational decision for men to move forward with their lives and leave their previous relationships behind.

What Does No Contact Do To A Guy?

Your ex-boyfriend will miss you during No Contact to a certain degree. He’s used to having you around as intimate partners. Now that the relationship is over, your ex needs to adjust to his new lifestyle. He’s going to feel a sense of loss and regret for a period of time. While you’re gone, there are going to be moments where he can’t stop thinking of the time spent with you. These are normal reactions during the No Contact phase. For a guy who initiated the breakup, the feelings are usually temporary and fade away once he finds a way to cope with it. Most guys may reach out to you to see how you’re doing. If that’s the case, don’t pick up the phone! You’re only giving into our ex’s wishes and allowing him to deal with their struggles. Maybe it feels great to hear your ex’s voice for a moment, but that instance may bring back lots of thoughts, emotions, and questions that may hinder your recovery process.

If you’re going through the No Contact Rule, this period of silent treatment can make your ex miss you or even get him a little jealous. Even though your ex broke up with you, the No Contact period is the first time he’s experienced life without you. It doesn’t matter if your ex wrote a powerful breakup letter to end the relationship. Once he feels your absence, it’s going to hit him like a brick knowing that things are officially over.

Don’t let your ex break your No Contact phase. RELATED: Is My Ex Thinking About Me During No Contact? Will he miss me if I stop texting him? If you are texting your ex during the No Contact phase, stop immediately. I get it. You want to stay on his radar and let him know you still care and want to get back together. But texting your ex after a breakup is not going to change his mind.

Don’t get your hopes up, though. This doesn’t mean that your ex-boyfriend wants to get back together. He’s only going through some normal reactions of missing someone who’s been a big part of their daily routine.

In fact, it’s only going to make things worse.

RELATED: Why Is The No Contact Rule So Effective After A Breakup?

You sound desperate and come across as clingy with low self-esteem. The more attention you give to your ex after the breakup, the more power he has over you.

Will he miss me if I leave him alone?

If you want to make, your ex miss you, disappear from his radar and take the bold move to delete his contacts on your phone and social media. This is also the best way to restrain yourself from keeping tabs on your ex.

Does silence make a man miss you? The answer is yes. If you leave your ex-boyfriend alone, chances are he’s going to want to know what’s going on. He’s going to find it uncomfortable to realize that they are going to lose their ex-girlfriend forever. They are curious how you’re coping with the breakup and wonder how you will move on.

RELATED: Should I Block My Ex? How Do I Know If He Misses Me During No Contact?

The more radio silent you stay, the more agitated your ex might be if he keeps thinking that you’ll be calling and texting to get his attention. Will A Guy Miss You During No Contact?

It’s natural for us to think about our exes during the No Contact Rule. While we try to forget our previous relationship and move on, it’s hard to let go of someone who has been a big part of our lives. Trust me, your ex has that same feeling. And he is likely missing you during the No Contact phase. If you are doing an excellent job staying radio silent, chances are your ex is going to leak a few signs that he’s missing you. Here are a few possible signs to look for: 1. He’s active on your social media feeds. Your ex suddenly shows more support on your social media posts. He’s liking and sharing your photos, encouraging activity on your posts by commenting on them. Check if it’s normal behavior for your ex to be your top social media supporter. If it’s unusual, chances are your ex-boyfriend is trying to get your attention. 2. He’s in a fake relationship.

Yup, he’s desperate to get your attention. He misses you so bad he’s faking to be in a relationship. It’s bizarre, but I’ve seen it happen many times. Some ex-boyfriends don’t even want to be in a rebound relationship to make their ex-partners jealous. Instead, they think temporary faking one is a way to get attention without committing to another person.

OVERSHARING ATTACKS: WHY THEY HAPPEN & HOW TO STOP THEM Jun 15, 2021 05:27AM

It’s sad, but some guys will go the extra length. 3. He’s asking around about you. Your ex is a sweetheart, and he still is after breaking up. During the No Contact period, your ex-boyfriend hasn’t lost the habit of checking up on you. Only this time, he’s asking your friends and family about you. Even though your ex was the one who initiated the breakup, he wants to know how you’re healing from the emotional pain. In your exes mind, he still wants you in his life. 4. Your ex calls or texts you. This is an obvious sign that your ex misses you during the No Contact period. He flat out admits he’s missing you and asks how you’re doing. But guess what? Your ex doesn’t mention anything about getting back together. So what is the purpose of him reaching out? Girl, be prepared if your ex reaches out to you. Before you even pick up his phone call, decide whether or not it is a good idea to hear his voice again. Will giving him affect your healing process? If yes, go ahead and ignore your ex. Keep in mind that your ex only wants to relieve his temporary feeling of losing you. Once he feels like he can still get in touch with you, the pain will subside for him. But not for you. If hearing your ex is going to bring back a range of emotions, then it’s best to ignore your former flame until you are ready to make contact again.

The 21st century is the age of oversharing. it feels like we need to know everything about everyone. And we are pressured to present a perfect (yet highly falsified) reality. You aren’t considered “normal” if you don’t have several social media handles. It has now become an unannounced protocol to take a photo of our food before we eat it and create boomerang videos cheers-ing with friends. At times, I find myself wondering if portraying a lifestyle has taken precedence over actually living a life. So, when does sharing become oversharing? Was it last week when you spilled the details of a fight with your significant other?

How do you make him miss me during no contact? There is only one way I know and recommend to make your ex miss you during the No Contact period.

Is it that quote you just posted?

Live your life.

Was it the conversation you had with the cashier about your family’s lack of boundaries?

Now that you are free and single, be selfish with your time and freedom. Focus on your dreams and start ticking off your bucket list. By genuinely being happy and letting go of your ex and past relationship, you’re freeing yourself from the emotional burden and giving yourself a chance to reflect on what matters.

“But I don’t understand, isn’t this being vulnerable? Isn’t this what letting people in is all about? How can having the comfort to speak freely about our lives be oversharing? What’s the point of social media, if not to share – our experiences, our milestones, and our lives?” you ask.

Sometimes, breakups are a blessing in disguise. It stops us in our paths and forces us to reflect and think twice about what matters to us.

I get it, oversharing is confusing. Especially when social media bombards our lives and we carry out personal diatribes in our day-to-day.

When your ex-boyfriend sees you happy and genuinely moved on, he’ll feel a sense of regret for letting you go and not working things out. Your ex may also wonder if he was the one holding you back from greatness.

Before we move any further in this conversation, let’s define the differences between vulnerability and oversharing, so as to not confuse the two. Then, we can get into where our oversharing comes from and how we can stop the unintentional diarrhea of the mouth.

So go out and make things happen. It’s the effortless way to make someone jealous and miss you. It’ll be hard at first, but you will develop strength over time. RELATED: Definitive Guide: The No Contact Rule

The Definition of Oversharing vs. The Definition of Vulnerability

When You Have an “Oversharing Attack,” Is That Oversharing a Coping Mechanism?

Vulnerability is defined as the willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weakness to be seen or known; willingness to risk being hurt or attacked. (reworded; original source: Oxford Dictionary).

In my opinion, yes. As Natasha has said before about her own inability to stop oversharing in the past, “oversharing is an involuntary, rapidly-growing-in-real-time response to un dealt-with trauma.”

Oversharing is defined as the disclosure of an inappropriate amount of detail about one’s personal life. (reworded; original source: Oxford Dictionary).

Why Do People Overshare?

The link between being vulnerable and oversharing is willingness.

We overshare to feel relevant in this world.

This willingness stems from two different places.

We overshare because a part of us doesn’t feel safe and this is how we “ask” for help.

We overshare when a part of our lives/ourselves has been silenced.

We overshare because we long for connection.

The willingness tied to vulnerability is in the context of a situation or relationship where personal information has been shared safely – to help understand a person’s struggle and help others feel less alone. It is, as Natasha says, sharing that is “non-gratuitous.” It’s aimed at inclusivity, not exclusivity.

We overshare when we don’t how to attain validation from within. So, we seek it externally. I’m a firm believer in inner child work. The coping mechanisms we learn in our formative years cross over to how we handle life as adults. Oversharing can be your inner child calling for help. Maybe as a child, you couldn’t safely express your feelings because emotions would disrupt the “peace” at home.

Willingness in the name of vulnerability is not attached to self-serving behavior, and it is not meant to initiate action or manipulation for personal gain. Vulnerability requires a level of humility. This is a willingness that is akin to bravery, it’s showing our authentic self with the possibility of misunderstanding and judgment, but not abandoning the version of ourselves that we have revealed.

I can attest to this experience. I overshare as an adult now because as a child, I was told not to tell anyone about my problematic home life. Even after twelve years in therapy, I still have moments of oversharing – as if I’m making up for the time as a child when I should have asked for help. It’s my duty now to compassionately redirect; to pivot. To make the choice for my younger self as to how I am going to help and protect her.

The willingness that comes from oversharing is rooted in attention-seeking behavior. This willingness can be disguised as bravery, but it has different roots. When we overshare, it’s like we are screaming, “HEY! I AM HURTING AND I NEED YOU TO VALIDATE THAT MY STRUGGLES HAVE BEEN HARD!”

We want to know that we matter.

Oversharing isn’t always tied to our past. It’s amazing that as adults we can feel silenced and powerless, though we are regarded as being fully-formed and responsible in our emotional regulation. Whether it’s in your romantic life, work life, or in your friendships … problems happen. It’s possible that in these relationships, fair communication and empathy aren’t reciprocated.

These are feelings that are inherent to the human experience, they’re natural. However, when we overshare, we set ourselves up for fake sincerity and connection. Not to mention, oversharing breeds forced and often, unfair expectations.

Whatever your explanation for oversharing is, it’s most likely because you have a need or desire that isn’t being heard or met. It’s easier to garner sympathy and understanding from a stranger because they don’t see how you behave normally.

Think about it: when you’re in the company of someone you don’t know very well and they reveal too much, are your reactions to them sincere? At that moment, you’re most likely focusing on how you can segue the conversation to a different topic; yet, still, show the appropriate reaction for their sob story.

Once you receive encouragement from said stranger, you are relieved but also, mortified that you spilled your life on this unassuming person. A person, who, like you, has their own problems, fears, and insecurities.

We want to be seen. We want to be heard. We want to be cared for.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t share your struggle with others, but share with those you TRUST. Venting is critical to the healing process from weakness in oversharing to strength in vulnerability. To vent in a healthy way, ask permission to share your experience and listen to your instinct as far as the other person’s ability to mentally handle what you’d like to share.

Does that interaction sound pleasant for either person involved? Do the words of encouragement you’re hearing feel genuine? Probably not. For someone to give a genuine, heartfelt response, they need to be vulnerable. And people aren’t used to wearing their heart on their sleeve for strangers.

Two people that are deeply hurting do not always have the emotional capacity to be there for others. Thus, do not put the expectation of another person’s validation of your existence, to heal your pain. Constantly relying on emotional validation is a drain for everyone involved. On the flip side, oversharing isn’t

Guys after a breakup: What’s on their minds?

always a negative thing. It can be a gateway for heightened awareness, self-reflection, and everlasting change. The choice is yours. MINDFULLY be aware of who you are sharing yourself with. Remember: you are not for everyone and everyone is not for you. Your life is something to be shared, but only with those you have mindfully (not compulsively) decided to open up to.

Jun 14, 2021 09:20AM

In the words of William Shakespeare, “All the world’s a stage,”…but choose your audience wisely. Below Are My Tips on How to Stop the Diarrhea of the Mouth and Stay on Your White Horse: 1. Acknowledge to YOURSELF that you feel unheard. Write it down. Write down all of your anger, hurt, insecurities, and pain. Writing your feelings down provides tangibility, it gives a physical and malleable presence to emotions. Personally, I like to destroy whatever I write out that is upsetting me (safely, of course). ***If you are a reader of Natasha’s past posts, she mentions writing your ex’s name on a piece of toilet paper, dropping it in the toilet, doing your business over it, and FLUSHING. Try it. It’s cathartic. 2. Choose a TRUSTED FRIEND to vent your story to. When we choose someone that we have MUTUAL trust to speak our feelings to, the response will be more genuine because of a foundation that has already been established. Always be considerate of the place that the other person may be in. It can be extremely helpful to ask if they’re in a mental place to listen to you. They may be going through their own struggles that you know nothing about. 3. Ask yourself this question: “Does Royalty talk to paparazzi?” Royal Families do not divulge their private life to the paps. They keep quiet and handle issues with non-reactivity. You are royalty and need to start treating yourself as such. Don’t be snobby, but believe that it is a privilege to have intimate knowledge of your life because IT IS. Before opening your mouth, think: “What do I gain from telling this person this? Have they earned the right to know me in such a way?” Know your worth. Your time and experiences are precious.

As a love and relationship expert specialized in getting people back together, people often ask me about what goes on in the mind of a guy after a breakup. How do guys handle breakups, what do they feel, do they miss you, if they’re happy with their newfound freedom…? Because this is a question that people ask me so often, I wanted to write an article on guys after a breakup for you today. I will go over male psychology after a breakup and how to adapt your approach to maximize your odds of success in getting this man back. When your heart is broken and everything seems so up in the air, it can be very hard to get a clear picture of what’s going on. Fortunately, after having worked with thousands and thousands of men I can confidently tell you what’s going on after a break up and how to get this man back.

4. And of course, therapy. Granted, seeking a mental health professional isn’t an option that is accessible to everyone (my heart breaks). Speaking to a certified professional puts you in the perfect lane to overshare in a safe, healthy, and productive environment. This post was written by Natasha Adamo team member, Brieana.

Guys after a breakup: How does he feel?

Brieana will be answering your comments and questions below! At this point, you are probably wondering what are your ex-boyfriend is up to and how he’s feeling. Since the break up took place, you haven’t really been in touch with each other. You’ve been suffering quite a bit – especially because you miss him so much.

+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.

[embedded content] But does he miss you? Has he just been partying this whole time? Has he already met someone else? The thoughts are enough to keep you up all night. It is so hard to find peace after breakup, especially when you have no idea what your ex feels about all of

this. If only you could see into his mind and figure out what he’s thinking.

trying to stand by his decision to “do the right thing.” On the flipside, I see a lot of guys after breakups trying to be supportive and kind towards their ex-girlfriends in an effort to lessen the blow of the breakup. They feel guilty about hurting her, so they’re trying to make things better by doing this.

So let’s a look at how guys act after a breakup. Do guys think about their ex after a breakup happens? The first thing I want to bring your attention into after a breakup is that when a guy decides to pull the plug, it is the actual end of the break up in his mind. On top of that, men can be pretty stubborn sometimes (well, very often actually), but that doesn’t automatically mean that he is sure that he made the right decision…

This becomes dangerous because the attention they’re giving you can easily be misinterpreted. You might assume that he misses you, and this could lead to complications… Do guys hurt after a breakup with you: Switching your focus This section is the most important one in this entire article. If you realize that you are spending a huge amount of time thinking about what is on your ex’s mind since you’ve broken up, you’re actually allowing yourself to be distracted from what truly matters…

So as of now, if you are wondering what guys think after a breakup, the answer is that he feels that it’s all over, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t change things! It is important to understand what he’s feeling right now because it will help you to determine the right approach. Now is not the time to be waiting for lovey-dovey affirmations of his love for you and don’t expect him to be feeling the same way as you are feeling right now. I know that’s hard to read at this specific moment, but like I just said, it doesn’t mean that things won’t change.

Each person is going to experience a break up in their own way. They will go through the stages of grief along with the ups and downs that follow a break up, but it is up to you to pay attention to your own actions. These are the things that are actually going to matter if you want to bounce back and get back together with your ex.

The key right now is to accept this situation and determine your action plan.

How to get back with my ex after having been cheated on?

Do guys hurt after the breakup: Understanding how he’s feeling

The more you focus on what he’s feeling, what he’s thinking, and what he wants, the more you will lose yourself. You’ll act the way you think he wants to you to act, but the process of getting an ex back requires you to focus on personal development and getting back in touch with who you really are.

One of the things that a lot of women don’t realize is that it is very important for a man to feel like he is staying true to his word and standing his ground. That means that if he chose to break up with you, his pride is going to make him want to stick with that decision (at least for the time being.) Getting back with a first love is possible if you have a plan! This is not a question of pride or stubbornness, or even cruelty, this is just about him trying to honor his decision. In addition to this, a guy will also be careful about not giving you false hope. This is especially true if he is a genuinely good guy who doesn’t want to toy with your emotions. So when it comes to what guys do after break up, it is important to remember that he will stick to his guns for a variety of reasons. Guys behavior after a breakup: His feelings

smiling to my ex

Sometimes you’ll notice that a guy can be very cold and distant after break up. This can be because of tensions that still exist between you, but it could also be because he’s trying to and ensure that you don’t get the wrong idea.

You’ve attracted this man before, so you can do it again. What your ex is doing after the break up doesn’t matter as much as what YOU are doing after the break up. You need to build a foundation that will allow attraction to come back – and trust me, attraction is very important for men. The concept of being in a relationship or in a couple can actually scare a man, but they are attracted to the seduction process that naturally leads to a relationship.

He doesn’t want to make you think that he’s doubting himself. It is also not his intention to be harsh with you, but it is his way of protecting himself. In addition to this, it is important to guys to be able to show themselves that they’re able to do the right thing. This means that perhaps he realized that he was not in the right frame of mind to be in this relationship with you, or perhaps he recognize that you were not in the right frame of mind to be in this relationship. So he chose to end the relationship between you. At this point, he is

When do guys start to miss you after a breakup: The answer I know you want to know what guys go through after breakup, so as this article comes to an end I’d like to break it down for you. The first thing a guy fuels after breaking up with you is a sense of

1. Keep to yourself

freedom. He’s probably been thinking about this for a while and initially, it will feel like a weight being lifted off his shoulders. He is free to live his own life.

This is the best way to let your ex know that you don’t care after a breakup. No matter how well you follow the other rules on this list, if you’re constantly reaching out to your ex, it really doesn’t matter what you’re saying.

After some time passes and for a variety of different reasons, he will begin to realize that the grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side. This is when he becomes susceptible to nostalgia, and his positive memories of you will begin to outweigh the negative ones. This is when the seed of doubt regarding his decision to leave is planted, and if you play your cards right, this presents a window of opportunity to get him back. There are so many tools and techniques available to you when you want to get back together with your ex, and you are in the right place to find them all. As a team of dedicated love and relationship coaches, it is our goal to provide you with everything you need in order to help you reach your goal. With our articles, YouTube channel, Master classes, and one-on-one coaching, we are here to help you every step of the way. If you have any questions at all please don’t hesitate to get in touch with us, or leave your questions in the comments section below.

You could be listing all their faults and telling them how much better your life is without them, but as long as you’re still bugging them, it’s going to be COMPLETELY OBVIOUS how much you really do care. Instead, you should make every effort to keep your distance from your ex. You both need time to cool off and process the breakup in your own way. This means no text messages, no phone calls, and no dropping in to check on them for at least ONE MONTH following the breakup. This is one of the many reasons that I advocate the No Contact Method. If you want your ex back, then this period of separation is going to be a key part of your strategy. Simply put, No Contact means NO contact. You spend 30 days following your breakup without speaking to your ex. During this time you focus on getting your life back on track. This means spending time with friends and family, focusing on self improvement and trying new and exciting things.

Wishing you all the best in life and love Your coach when you want to know what goes on with guys after a break up

This time period will give your ex a chance to really start to miss you and worry that they may have missed their chance with you for good. Later on in this video I’m going to talk more about what to do AFTER No Contact so stick around for that.

Adrian

How To Show Your Ex You Don’t Care Jun 8, 2021 09:38PM I’m going to teach you how to show your ex that you simply don’t care. This advice will work after any breakup, regardless of how things went down. Just follow these ten steps and you can be sure that your ex will be shocked at how quickly you’ve moved on. Showing Your Ex You Don’t Care So let’s talk about your goal here. Whether you want your ex back, just want to move on, or you’re not sure, playing it cool and acting like you don’t care is a very effective strategy that your ex is sure to notice. This is because it’s the EXACT OPPOSITE of how many people act after a breakup. Most people either lash out in anger, wallow in sadness, or pester their ex, hoping for a second chance. The same goes for breakups that were a mutual decision. In fact, even if you were the dumper, you’ll usually fall into one of these categories and that’s not good. These behaviours ruin any good memories your ex has of your relationship and makes them lose respect for you. Avoid these pitfalls by following my ten rules, starting with number one…

3. Post on social media

And even if you’ve decided that you don’t want to get back with your ex, No Contact is still the best move for you.

If you can’t reach out to your ex, then how are you supposed to show them that you don’t care? The answer is social media.

Many people try to keep up a bit of communication with their ex just to be polite, or in hopes of achieving some sort of “closure,” but more likely it will just end up in more drama and hurt feelings when one of you decides to pull away and leave the other one wondering what happened.

Maintain a positive and happy outlook through your social media presence and your ex will wonder how you’re dealing with the breakup so well. There are a lot of different options here to get the message across.

Rip off the bandaid and commit to No Contact for 30 days following your breakup. You’ll be glad you did. What happens after that 30 days is up to you, but whatever your goal, you’re going to find that you’re better off than you were 30 days ago. Of course, there is going to be a bit of business to take care of, like dropping off any belongings they had at your place, or tying up other loose ends. This is especially true if the two of you live together or have children or anything like that. But keep these moments businesslike and don’t be drawn into more drama. 2. Keep up your routine If you can keep up your routine during this time, not only will you appear like you don’t care, but you’ll actually feel less sad and depressed and more in control of your life. In fact, most if not all of these rules will not only make it LOOK like you don’t care, they’ll make it so that you actually think less about your breakup. This is part of the “act as if” mentality. You start by pretending you feel a certain way, and, after some time passes, you realize that you’re no longer pretending. Obviously there’s a good reason that your routine has been interrupted. Not only are you feeling depressed because of the breakup, but there’s a good chance that your ex was a big part of your regular routine.

Trust me when I say that your ex WILL be watching you on social media. There have been studies proving it. You can post a shirtless progress pic, if you’re feeling bold. Otherwise, a selfie with friends is always a good option. Or, if you really want drive your ex crazy, post a photo with you and a mysterious new friend of the opposite sex. Remember that less is more when it comes to social media. Rather than detailing exactly who you’re with and what you’re doing at all times, keeping it a little mysterious sends a better message: that you’re busy living your best life. 4. Don’t complain to mutual friends. I know how tempting it can be to talk shit about your ex after a breakup. This is especially true if you’re worried that your friends may pick sides. But the best way to combat this isn’t to let them know all the dirty details of your breakup. The best way to show you don’t care is to be the bigger person. Let them know that you still care about your ex but that you know that this split is for the best. Show them that you don’t need them to pick a side and that they can still be friends with both of you. This maturity will make you look good, both to your ex and to your friends.

to fill in those gaps so that your routine can continue without interruption.

And if you still need to vent to someone, choose a family member or a friend who isn’t close to your ex so you can be sure that it won’t get back to him or her. Venting can be a great outlet for any negative feelings you’re holding on to.

So, say you typically went on a date every Wednesday. Now that that’s gone, you can make regular plans with your friends to go for a few drinks every Wednesday. You’ll be surprised how big of a difference this makes.

It can also help you to sort out any confusion. But don’t get too caught up in your need to vent and end up creating more drama with your ex. I’m sure it goes without saying but don’t vent directly TO your ex either. That never ends well.

QUIZ: Can I Get My Ex Back?

5. Treat them like you would an acquaintance

If you don’t have a solid routine in your life, now is a great time to start one. All it takes is a sheet of paper and a pencil. Plot out a typical day for you. What do you do when you get up in the morning? What about your night time routine?

This is something that always gets under an ex’s skin after a breakup, in the best way.

For instance, you probably texted each other before bed, or had a regular date night. In this case, you need to find new activities

If you do find yourself in a situation where you HAVE to talk to your ex, instead of treating them with kid gloves, or being extremely cold and rude to them, treat them the way you would

All it takes is two or three activities to create a routine and, though it may be difficult at first, once you have it in place you’ll realize how valuable that structure can be to maintaining your physical and mental health.

an acquaintance who you’re not that close to. This means being friendly and polite but without any of the intimacy that they’re used to. This sudden shift in tone can really hammer home the point that the two of you have broken up. And if you play it right, they can’t really be mad at you, since you’re just giving them exactly what they asked for.

You do need to allow yourself some time to grieve the relationship so don’t hesitate to take a few days to yourself to recharge. But as soon as you can, make an effort to get some normalcy back in your life.

6. Focus on yourself

Sorry, can’t talk right now.

This is something that many of us lose touch with while in a long term relationship. It’s also one of the biggest benefits of being single. Now that you don’t have someone else relying on you to act a certain way and fulfill certain wants and needs, you’ll truly be free to put yourself first in every situation.

Maybe answer 1 in 3 messages and even then, let a bit of time go by before you hit them back. This can feel petty, and it may be, but it really does help send the message that they’re no longer

This can feel selfish at first but it can also be empowering. You’ve been through a tough time recently and you deserve to make yourself feel good. By treating yourself right you’ll start to see the good that comes with a breakup and you will genuinely not care as much about the negatives.

your number one priority. If you do respond, keep it brief and end it with a period, to let them know that you don’t expect a response back. Talking to your ex can be a really hard habit to break but if you want to show them that you don’t care, you’ll need to be ruthless. 11. Don’t reach out to them on holidays or their birthday I understand that you probably still want to be on good terms with your ex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But you need to remember that you two are now broken up.

So treat yourself to a new haircut, cook your favourite dinner, and watch what YOU want to watch for a change. 7. Don’t be rude

This means that they can’t expect you to wish them a happy new year or even a happy birthday. If you’re serious about letting your ex know that you just don’t care anymore, then this step is CRUCIAL.

Being rude, hostile or otherwise nasty to your ex actually does the opposite of what you’re hoping to do. While it will make your ex feel bad in the moment, in the long run it’s only going to make them think that the breakup was for the best.

That said, if you’re really, truly over them and it’s been at least six months, then wishing your ex a happy birthday actually IS the right move because it shows them that you’ll treat them like you

After all, no one is going to feel bad about breaking up with someone who makes them feel like shit.

would any other friend in your life.

Instead, find another outlet for these bad feelings. This can mean venting to friends or family, exercise, or writing down your feelings in a journal.

Whatever you do, remember that this is a long game and if you want to make your ex regret their decision, then being rude to them isn’t the way to get there. 8. Sign up for my email coaching program If you still want your ex back, then you’re already on the right track but there’s still a long way to go. That’s why you NEED to sign up for my email coaching service. Not only will I give you more tips on how to keep your ex at arm’s length, I’ll help you craft the perfect plan to win their heart again.

Brad Browning Brad Browning is widely regarded as the world’s most trusted breakup experts, boasting over 12 years of experience working with clients from around the world. Brad’s #1 best-selling breakup reversal guide, The Ex Factor, has helped more than 130,000 people from 131 countries to re-unite with an ex. Brad is also the author of Mend The Marriage, a comprehensive self-help guide that teaches married couples how to save their dying marriage and prevent divorce. Brad’s YouTube channel has over 400,000 subscribers and 50 million views, and he has been featured in a number of well-known media outlets and industry journals.

And since my program is 100% confidential, they never even have to know we spoke. I can’t wait to hear from you. 9. Be spontaneous Relationships come with certain responsibilities. You can’t just drop everything and go to Vegas for the weekend with your friends. You can’t stay out all night. And you certainly can’t go home with that cute someone at the bar. But now that you’ve broken up, what’s stopping you?

Should I Get My Ex Back?

Now’s the time to say “yes” to adventure and try new things. If you can be free to embrace your spontaneous side, it’s going to show you all that you’ve been missing out on during your relationship. Hopefully this will make you realize that, while breakups suck, there is always a silver lining.

Jun 7, 2021 05:06PM Today is all about the biggest question in the breakup space – should you get your ex back? I love talking about this question because it’s so controversial.

10. Ignore their messages

Depending on who you ask, you will probably get a starkly different opinion. So I won’t take a gigantic stance on it either way; instead, I want to show you exactly how we approach a question like this.

This one will really get under your ex’s skin. If your ex sends you a text message, don’t reply right away. In fact, if their message isn’t a direct question that’s important, you shouldn’t reply to them AT ALL.

First off, let’s discuss the general stigma around getting back

together with an ex:

should stay away from them under any circumstances. Abusive exes are a no-no.

The False Negative Stigma Around Getting an Ex Back

Most avenues in society will tell you that trying to get an ex back is outrageous.

If there was any physical or emotional abuse, we do not ever condone getting someone like that back. It’s better to run off for the hills and never look back if you faced this obviously toxic scenario.

Think of your own friends and family – how would they react if you said you wanted to get back together with your ex?

Next, make sure your ex does not fall into any of these categories, or you’ll probably end up breaking up again:

[embedded content]

Your ex is a chronic cheater

Probably not too well. I can bet most, if not all, the people in your life will try to talk you out of getting an ex back, saying things like “why would you ever want that person back?” or “you’re better off without them.”

If your ex cheated on you (or someone else) multiple times before, they would probably cheat again. There’s no need to put yourself through that again and play the insecure guessing game of whether you will be cheated on again.

Why does society say this? It all stems from a single false belief – once you break up with an ex, reconciliation won’t ever work out. Where do I stand on this? Well, I’m split because I’ve seen it both ways – sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Overly narcissistic exes Narcissist exes are people who make everything about them at all times. Do yourself a favor and google the definition and traits of narcissism. If your ex fits into those, don’t try to get them back. Act on evil impulses exes

To be honest, around half of the people we have helped get back together have broken up with their exes again. So there’s literally a 50 chance of you getting your ex back and breaking up with them again.

This is the kind of petty ex we see all the time on our private Facebook support group. They hate you so much and want revenge, so they go out on dates and send you pictures of them making out with someone else. If your ex is acting on these immature evil impulses, you want nothing to do with them!

But on the other hand, I’ve also seen cases where people got back together and got engaged or even married – I’d definitely consider that a success! So there are signs that it can work out and that it may not work out too.

Overly controlling exes

As far as your sphere of influence – the people who you surround yourself with whose opinions you care about – are concerned, they are not in agreement with the idea of getting your ex back.

Overly controlling exes are incredibly insecure, so they take controlling your life to the next level.

They’ll think it’s toxic, it won’t work, or they have some sort of negative opinion. Usually, people who think it’s toxic or won’t work are drawing from their own personal experiences where they got an ex back, and it was a disaster. Then sometimes I’ve seen people who have never tried to get an ex back or even wanted to get an ex back, and they always have an opinion until they find themselves in your exact situation and want an ex back themselves. Here’s my ultimate stance on this:

For example, if you go to the bathroom at your ex’s house and take slightly longer than usual, they’ll start knocking and asking you what’s taking so long. Just the mere fact that you spend a few extra minutes in the restroom is enough to make them fear that you’re cheating on them. So if your ex wants to know and dictate every aspect of your life, such as what you wear, who you meet, how you spend your time… don’t try to get back together with them. Engaged exes

Do whatever you can do so that you feel confident with the choices you’ve made when you put your head down on the pillow at the end of the night. So if you know you’re going to regret at least not trying to get your ex back, then you should try to give it your best chance. But if you don’t really care about getting your ex back or just had a weak moment, you probably shouldn’t try to get your ex back. With that being said, we have identified certain types of exes you should not get back with for various reasons.

For moral reasons, it’s just not a good idea to get back an ex who’s been engaged. Now some people will argue with me on this; they will say it’s not really a done deal until you have married that person – I disagree. It’s a bad look, so don’t try to get this person back Now I’ve kind of danced around the truth here without addressing the big question… Should You Get Your Ex Back? Our approach – don’t decide on getting your ex back until you go through our self-development gauntlet.

Exes You Should Not Get Back Together With There are some exes who you should NEVER try to get back because of the situation, and there are others who you should avoid because you’ll probably break up again.

This gauntlet is a newer concept I’ve been playing around with but haven’t fully explained to clients yet. Luckily, last week I got an email from one of our clients who had essentially figured out the gauntlet.

Let’s first look at the exes who are absolute bad news, and you

So I’m going to share her exact message here, but before I do, I want to be clear that this is not a success story – it’s just a regular client trying to get their ex back through our program, and she noticed something interesting about it:

Now luckily, this gauntlet is designed for the best of both worlds. Think of it like a massive stress test where we try everything to help you get over your ex. If you don’t want your ex back anymore, you’ll be a happy person who moved on from them. On the other hand, if you still want them back, you’ve just proven to yourself that you care about your ex a LOT and are capable of achieving the mindset needed to get them back. Conclusion: To recap, you should only make a decision to get your ex back once you have gone through our self-discovery gauntlet that basically helps you try to get over your ex.

I think this email was a perfect summation of everything we’re trying to achieve here.

If you cannot get over your ex by the time you’ve gone through our gauntlet, then you should try to get them back, so you can live without regrets.

We want you to know that you can come into this ex recovery process with doubts. You can come into this not really knowing if you want to get your ex back, just knowing that you want to live without regrets.

This Mindset Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

See our program is designed to help you achieve a goal – getting your ex back, but what we’ve learned is getting an ex back is counterintuitive. You can’t get an ex back until you give your ex something significantly different to come back to.

May 30, 2021 05:56PM

You need to start taking care of yourself first.

The key to getting an ex back isn’t just knowing the perfect things to say or do;

You need to go on a self-development journey first to truly know yourself and your intentions. We basically run you through this gauntlet where we ask you questions or make you do things that actively help you try to get over your ex. If you still want your ex back after we have hit you with every question and conceivable idea of helping you outgrow them, it’s probably a good idea to get them back because you will live with tons of regrets if you don’t at least try.

It’s about achieving the right mindset. Today we’re going to talk about exactly what mindset you need to succeed at getting an ex back and how to get there. A lot of people see me as the guy who has the keys to getting their exes back, but the truth is when you actually talk to people who have succeeded in getting their ex back, it all boils down to two clear concepts:

But unfortunately, what we see happen is that many people either never finish the gauntlet or completely miss the point of the gauntlet. So let’s talk about those two types of people:

1. Enacting the correct tactics and strategies for getting your ex back

People who never finish the gauntlet: These people buy our program, read it a few times, and begin the gauntlet. However, then it becomes too hard, or they let their anxious behavior take over, so they give up on the process.

2. Having the correct mindset to successfully implement those tactics and strategies.

People who completely miss the point of the gauntlet: These people hyper-focus on the tactical approaches to winning an ex back and completely forget about needing the proper mindset. The interpretation of a no contact rule is a great way to explain these people. We’ve learned that the intent you go into a no contact rule with matters more than anything else. A lot of people incorrectly approach the no contact rule solely to make their ex miss them. Unfortunately, that is the wrong mindset. The intent of going to a no contact rule shouldn’t be trying to get an ex back; it should be putting all the focus on yourself and outgrowing your ex. People who only focus on playing hard to get, so their ex misses them usually fail at no contact because they did not properly work on themselves. This also bleeds into things like the value ladder. Everything you say to your ex over text or in-person comes across as tactical and inauthentic because you entirely missed the point of the self-development gauntlet.

The problem with the breakup niche is that no one cares about the mindset; they only focus on the specific tactics and strategies revolving around getting back together with an ex. However, when you actually interview success stories, each one of them used a unique set of tactics and strategies to get their exes back. No two situations are alike, and there’s no perfect one-size-fits-all strategy to get an ex back; however, one common thread across all success stories is they all have the same mindset. What Is the Correct Mindset for Getting an Ex Back? [embedded content] Almost all of the ex recovery success stories we interviewed had outgrown their ex at some point after the breakup. We like to take it a step further: Your mindset should be to outgrow your ex before you actually talk to them. Your ex needs to see a visible shift in your tone or personality when they reconnect with you, or else they’ll just think you’re the

same person they broke up with.

not focus your efforts and energy on your magnum opus instead of your ex?

This mindset isn’t something you can fake either. It’s much more complicated than telling yourself you’re over your ex and ready to talk to them.

This leads us to some pretty big philosophical questions: How do you know what is the right thing to focus on to outgrow your ex? How do you know what’s your magnum opus? For that, I think we need to look at an even bigger question…

One of the biggest errors I made early on in my career was telling people to fake it until they make it. The problem with this is that your ex probably knows you way too well, so they can tell if you’re genuinely over them or just faking it. So they won’t want to engage with you if they can tell you’re putting on an inauthentic show.

What is the meaning of life? I’m not going to sit here and say I’m 100% sure I know the meaning of life, but here’s what it means to me: The meaning of life is to give life meaning.

You can’t implement any ex recovery tactics and strategies if your ex sees through your façade.

Life doesn’t necessarily have a set meaning for everyone out there because we’re all so different. People assign values to different items in their life and invest in those to give their life more meaning.

How Do You Outgrow Someone You Can’t Stop Thinking About?

Here are the three core categories that people use to give meaning throughout their lives: Connections with others Connections with others include romance (like your connection with your ex), friendship such as making new friends, or familial connections as your love for your family. All these meaningful relationships help us forge connections that give meaning to our lives. But what happens if you only hyperfocus on one kind of connection – your relationship with your ex? You’re not only ignoring the other two categories that give life meaning, but you’re also ignoring all the other relationships in your life. That’s not healthy and gets you no closer to your magnum opus.

The only way to outgrow your ex is to no longer let them be your first priority. Now I know that’s easier said than done, so let’s talk about why it’s so hard to outgrow your ex (obsessive ex trap) and how you can actually achieve it (magnum opus).

Understanding

What Is The Obsessive Ex Trap?

This involves learning about the world and making sense of the complexity of our lives.

Pretty much everyone who goes through a breakup will have experienced what I like to call the obsessive ex trap – basically, they fall into this trap where they cannot stop thinking about their ex.

Sometimes we can find meaning through knowledge. No one really talks about knowledge, but I’m sure we can all relate to that ecstatic feeling when we learn something new or acquire a new skill.

Every street corner, song on the radio, and old shared activity reminds them of their ex, and they just can’t help it. This kind of obsessive thinking makes it extremely hard to get over the breakup. Science has even taught us that many people going through a breakup experience the same withdrawals as drug addicts coming off a hard drug.

Service Service kind of encompasses many different things that involve serving other people in some way by improving their lives. The most obvious example is probably medical professionals, but service as a life purpose also extends to art. Think about it, have you ever gone to the movies and experienced something bigger than yourself for a few hours? Ever been entranced by great music? Ever had a mouth-watering meal that you still remember?

No one can avoid this level of obsessive thinking, so the real key is not to stop thinking about your ex but to start thinking about them in a different way – outgrowing them. Your magnum opus can help you achieve just that.

Everyone, including actors, chefs, tattoo artists, teachers, etc., tries to improve our lives or teach us something new.

Magnum Opus Concept

Here’s my point: People who obsess over their ex only focus on one category that can help give their life meaning. I can guarantee you that you don’t want to look back on life and be remembered for your relationship with your ex.

[embedded content] Your magnum opus is the thing you want to be remembered for when you die. Do you want to be remembered for your failed relationship with your ex? Probably not. You are destined for greater things, so why

You want to leave a legacy behind, something that you’re remembered for.

Elon Musk has the space program and the Tesla cars.

focusing on your magnum opus – what you want to be remembered for.

Bill Gates has Microsoft.

Your magnum opus can revolve around personal connections, understanding and learning about the world, and service for other people.

Steve Jobs has Apple. What Is Your Magnum Opus?

Why Can’t I Get My Ex Back? May 27, 2021 07:01PM If you’re reading this article about why you can’t get your ex back, you’ve probably tried every popular trick in the book and failed. So now you’re miserable and confused, wondering why you fail to get your ex back. Well, today I’m going to talk you through five of the biggest reasons people fail to get their exes back and how you can avoid them.

Don’t worry; you don’t have to reinvent the wheel like these guys to have a magnum opus. You’re doing well as long as your magnum opus is larger than your relationship with your ex. Once you identify your magnum opus by looking at the areas of your life that give you meaning, it will give insight into what you should be spending your time on to help you outgrow your ex. You need to identify and focus on your magnum opus before you consider even speaking to your ex again. This is important because focusing on something other than your ex will inevitably make you much more attractive to everyone around you (including your ex), giving you an advantage when you talk to him again. As far as my magnum opus goes, I personally want to write a novel. To me, that’s art and service. It’s no mistake that I’d choose service for my magnum opus since I chose a service-oriented job where I help people go through breakups.

No one ever wants to be in a situation where they’re googling how to get their ex back if it’s just not working out for them. We have found that it is a little bit of a 50–50 proposition – sometimes people are in genuinely tricky situations where they have little to no chance of getting their exes back; other times, people fail to get their exes back because of self-inflicted reasons. The Five Main Reasons People Fail To Get Their Exes Back [embedded content] I want to address both these categories under my five reasons today so you can finally find out if your actions are why your ex isn’t coming back or if it’s just your circumstances. 1. Too Much Of A Focus On Tactics And Strategy 2. Missing The Point Of No Contact

But there’s also more to me than just this aspect of my life. I have my friends, my family, and my insatiable desire to learn about the world. All of those things help give my life meaning and helps so I don’t hyper-focus on one thing too much.

3. You Just Have A Harder Situation 4. You Time Things Wrong 5. Secure Attachment Failure Let’s dive in a bit deeper.

You need to get to that level before you talk to your ex because I can guarantee you that the types of conversations you have when you’ve outgrown your ex will be monumentally better than those when you’re hyper focused on getting them back.

Failure Reason #1: You Have Too Much Focus on Tactics and Strategy

Conclusion: The most critical mindset to get an ex back is outgrowing them before you talk to them again. All of our success stories can attest to the fact that their exes were automatically drawn to them after they stopped caring whether they got them back or not. Outgrowing your ex is no easy task, though, because everyone goes through the obsessive ex trap after a breakup where they can’t stop thinking about their ex no matter what!

What’s the first thing you look for on Google or YouTube when you think of getting your ex back?

The point isn’t to stop thinking about your ex (because that’s almost impossible) but to change the way you think about them.

Is it something like “five things to say to get your ex back” or “technique to get an ex back”?

A great way to divert your attention from your ex is by

If yes, you’re looking for specific advice, strategies, and tactics to

get the results you want.

experience emotional growth and get to a point where you’re okay with losing your ex before you can talk to them. Think about it: when you talk to your ex again with this strong mindset, you’re in a much better position to lead conversations and negotiate the future of the relationship.

On the surface, it doesn’t sound like there’s anything wrong with leaning on tactics and strategies. In fact, when I first started ex-boyfriend recovery and ex-girlfriend recovery, I pretty much only focused on targeted tactics and strategies. It wasn’t until I started interviewing real success stories of people who got their exes back that I realized those people didn’t go too overboard with the tactics and strategies; they focused on the mindset instead.

The no contact period is also when you have a chance to focus on your magnum opus – the thing that you want to be remembered by the end of your life. Something tells me you don’t want to be remembered for this failed relationship with your ex, you want to be remembered for more, and that is the entire point of no contact.

These success stories didn’t innovate and go hard on strategies, but they did go through a huge mindset shift to outgrow their ex before reaching back out. The people who were willing to outgrow and potentially lose their ex were much better positioned to succeed at using all our ex recovery tactics than those who were still desperate to get their ex back.

It isn’t a strategy to make your ex miss you, though that’s a welcome consequence; it’s a strategy to work on yourself. If you spend the entirety of no contact focused on manipulating your ex, you miss the whole point.

So if you’re wondering why you’re consistently failing in getting your ex back, it might boil down to the simple fact that your mindset isn’t right. Now you might ask if it’s okay to “fake it till you make it” since no one can actually see your mindset. Well, I had the same curiosity, so I asked every success story I interviewed on our podcast.

By the time you do start to talk to your ex, you tend not to have really good conversations because no significant change has happened within yourself,. Your ex basically feels like they’re talking to the same version of you that they decided to leave. You don’t want to reaffirm their decision to leave you by boring them or appearing desperate; you want them to regret their decision. That’s only possible when you’ve had personal growth during the no contact period, so you bring something new to the table when you start having conversations with your ex again.

I asked if they truly felt they didn’t care about getting their ex back or if they had to fake it till they felt it, and almost every single person said they truly felt it. After all, that mindset details how the rest of your ex recovery process goes, so your ex would probably catch you in a heartbeat if you tried to fake it.

Failure Reason #3: You Just Have A Harder Situation

So getting to an emotional place where you’re okay with failing and losing your ex gives you the kind of confidence and power you need to succeed when you finally talk to them again. Failure Reason #2: Missing the Entire Point of No Contact

I’m a big believer in focusing on the elements that you have some form of control over. Unfortunately, if you have a situation that is just naturally more difficult to see success in, there’s really nothing you can do, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over that. Let’s look at some of the most challenging situations to be in.

This is actually something that I was guilty of when I first started ex-boyfriend recovery and ex-girlfriend recovery.

Cheating, specifically if you cheated on your ex. If your ex is the kind of person that cannot forgive cheating, you have a bigger uphill battle to get them back. Not saying it’s impossible, but it’ll definitely be more difficult than breakups without an element of cheating. It can be incredibly hard to rebuild trust after you’ve been unfaithful to someone, but the first part of that is also experiencing the personal growth we try to teach all our other clients.

A lot of times, I would talk about the no contact rule as this be-all-end-all rule that will help make your ex miss you if you consistently ignore them. However, when I started interviewing success stories to understand what really works, I realized that coming into the no contact rule with that manipulative frame of mind where you just want to make your ex miss you is the worst approach. That mentality actually hurts your chances of success.

Another hard situation is when your ex is completely indifferent towards you. Your ex doesn’t block you in this case; they simply don’t respond to you or talk to you or do anything related to you.

This is intertwined with reason number 1 where people fail to outgrow their exes before they talk to them. The whole point of no contact is to ignore your ex and focus on yourself so you can eventually outgrow your ex.

They’ve essentially ghosted you on such a level that you are dead to them. It can be tough to get their attention again after being ghosted like this.

I know it sounds cliché, but this is the opportune time to

We have also had slightly more difficulty with long-distance relationships just because of the distance, but we don’t find that as difficult as some of the ones I just mentioned. Most people would naturally assume that an ex moving on to someone else is a more complex situation, but we have found that it’s actually not as bad. In fact, there are specific strategies like the being their method that we can do to help raise your chances of success if your ex appears to have moved on. So don’t beat yourself up if you’re in a more difficult situation. Sure, the playing field is different, but the strategies and mindset you need are still the same. You have to put in the internal work required to come out the other end of no contact, having outgrown your relationship before you try to talk to your ex. Failure Reason #4: You Time Things Wrong

secure ones. Someone with a secure attachment style looks at a breakup in a way that they allow themselves to grieve, but they don’t let the breakup bring their life to a halt. They know they need to grieve, but they also know that they will be okay without their ex because they have a life outside that failed relationship. On the other hand, someone with an anxious attachment style will see the breakup as the end of their life. They have a tunnel vision regarding their ex because their whole life and identity were centered around their relationship. They’re the ones who are likely to GNAT their exes – Going Nuts At Texting. They’re also the ones who are likely to beg for their exes because they don’t know who they are without their ex. We try to teach our clients to shift their mindset to approach the breakup in a more secure way instead of the anxious way. But a lot of people fail to do this, so they can’t get their ex back. Why is that? Well, a no contact rule is basically an anxious person’s nightmare. It’s extremely hard for them to sit through 30 to 45 days of ignoring their ex and not knowing where their chances of getting back together stand.

We most commonly see this in people who break the no contact rule too early and end up failing to strike a conversation with their ex. You might think a 21 day no-contact rule is enough for you, but if your ex is an avoidant, then 21 days probably isn’t enough for them to actually miss you. So you basically end up contacting your ex again while they’re still feeling the exact same way about you as they did when they broke up with you. Now a little bit of a primer here on avoidant exes: avoidants avoid close emotional connections, so it takes a lot longer for them to allow themselves to miss you. Timing is crucial in this case because the worst time to contact an avoidant ex is too soon after a breakup. They simply haven’t had nostalgic reverie yet where they reminisce about all the good times you had together.

But if they follow our advice and focus on becoming secure throughout that no contact period, it becomes easier and easier to stop obsessing over their ex. They no longer check their phone to see if their ex reached out or stalk their ex’s social media because they’re too busy living their best life. Their ex is no longer their first priority; they are their own first priority! That’s really the secret to getting your ex back – prioritize yourself and become more secure. Conclusion: Here are our top 5 reasons for failure at getting your ex back: 1. Too Much of a Focus on Tactics and Strategy – you can try all the ex recovery strategies in the world, but none of it will work till you have the correct secure mindset.

So all you end up doing by contacting them early is reminding them that you are the same version of yourself that they broke up with, causing them to retreat more. On the other hand, if you worked on yourself and took the time to let them experience nostalgic reverie, they’d be much more open to talking to you.

2. Missing the Point of No Contact – no contact is not meant to make your ex miss you; it’s meant to focus on yourself and outgrow your ex. 3. You Just Have A Harder Situation – some things are out of our control, and you will have a harder time getting an ex back if you cheated on them or they ghosted you, etc.

Failure Sign #5: A Secure Attachment Failure

4. You Time Things Wrong – timing is key when dealing with avoidant exes: if you break no contact too soon, you will just push your ex further away. 5. Secure Attachment Failure – you probably have an anxious attachment style that’s hard to convert to a secure one. However, having a secure attachment style is the key to getting an ex back, so you need to keep working on that.

When I talk about outgrowing an ex or feeling like you’ll be okay without them, I’m referring to adopting a secure attachment style. Usually, this means switching your current anxious tendencies to

The 5 biggest signs he thinks he’s losing you!

The problem is that this develops an imbalance between the two partners and in many cases, the person who chooses to end the relationship no longer recognizes the person they fell in love with in the first place.

May 17, 2021 12:04PM

In order to maximize your odds of success, you have to incorporate new elements of fun, excitement and mystery. If your ex broke up with you it means that he doubted your overall ability to make him happy in the long-term. So start thinking about what activities you stopped doing, what hobbies you lost track of, whether you stopped being physically active, what friends you stop spending time with, and what family members you may have neglected. Start filling up your schedule with these people and activities. As I said, when it comes to how to make a guy realize he’s losing you, you also need to focus on making some improvements. So start challenging yourself to try out new activities on your own and with your friends, check out new places in your city like galleries and new bars, and really work on stepping outside of your comfort zone. Think about what you can do to reach your goals.

my ex has regrets When you’ve been working on making your ex want you back, you’re going to want to know how to recognize the signs he thinks he’s losing you. The whole goal of this process is to make your ex fear losing you so much that he starts to seriously think about getting back together with you. So how can you pinpoint the signs that your actions are getting through to him, and what can you do if you aren’t seeing any of these signs?

I got dumped how do I move forward?! I always encourage my clients to set short-term and long-term goals that benefit them. Think about one thing that you would like to accomplish in your life, whether it is personally or professionally speaking. Where would you like to be two years from now? So where would you need to be one year from now? What about six months from now? So what can you start doing today to get to where you would need to be one month from now?

In today’s article I want to go over the things that need to happen in order for your ex begin to miss you and genuinely fear losing you for good. This is a topic that comes up in my one-on-one coaching sessions on a regular basis because it is a crucial element of the process of getting an ex back. When you get a better idea of how things stand at the current moment, you will know exactly how to proceed in order to get closer to your goal!

Making changes and improvements in your life can you really grab your ex’s attention, especially when you pair these actions with a very powerful technique… Using the NC Rule to make a man regret breaking up and fear losing you

How to make your ex worry about losing you If you are familiar with our philosophy, then you have undoubtedly heard of this technique that can serve as one of the best answers in regards to how to make him worry about losing you.

Some of you reading this may not have a clear cut action plan yet, so I wanted to provide you with some pointers on how to create the proper foundation for making someone fear losing you

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this tool, the no contact rule basically consists of cutting off all forms of communication with your ex. It can sounds scary at first because you are afraid of “letting him go,” but it is actually one of the most powerful things that you can do. With this technique, you cut contact with your ex for a predetermined period of time that will depends on the intricacies of your relationship and breakup. It usually ranges from three three weeks to three months.

forever. One of the most important concepts that we work on with our clients has to do with personal development. At first glance, it might seem like this has absolutely nothing to do with the process of making your ex worry about losing you, but the truth is that it is a crucial part of it. [embedded content] When you want someone to miss you and fear losing you, you have to inspire them. You want them to look at you and feel that you would be a valuable addition to their lives and that you could make them genuinely happy. So how do you do this? You have to become the new and improved version of the person that your ex fell in love with. The easiest way to do this is to think about what elements of your personal life got put on the back burner while you were in this relationship. Many people lose themselves when the relationship takes center stage in their lives.

The goal is to give your ex boyfriend an electroshock that wakes him up and makes himrealize that he is losing you. By no longer being at his beck and call, you can show him that he is no longer on a pedestal, and by becoming the 2.0 version of yourself, you will make him want to get close to you even more. You see, as human beings we have a terrible tendency of taking things for granted that we believe already belong to us. When something is readily available, it is no longer an exciting challenge and can easily be placed on the shelf somewhere. We want your ex to view you as an exciting challenge and a prize, and the moment

he does, he will realize “I don’t want to lose you.” So how can we identify the signs he thinks he’s losing you for good? The top signs he thinks he’s losing you and is panicking When you start to experience the fear of losing someone, you’re going to start fixating on the person. You will start to try to get closer to them, and depending on your personality, it will be in the more subtle or more obvious way. So let’s take a look at the biggest indicators that he is afraid of losing you! He doesn’t want to lose you if he’s trying to contact you Perhaps you have been using the no contact rule, or perhaps you have put some distance between you and your ex. Either way, he has picked up on it and is than trying to get in touch with you. He’s been sending you texts, he might have even called, and when he doesn’t get a response from you, he keeps trying.

Post pictures that show that you were a living a fun and exciting life and that you have transformed yourself into the new and improved version. This will catch your ex’s eye, and if he is interacting with your posts, it means that he wants you to see.

Getting over your first love when your heart is broken

If he is promising to change he is afraid of losing you

If you have noticed that your ex has been going out of his way to try to speak to you, chances are he’s afraid of losing you.

This one comes as a no-brainer, but if your ex is desperately trying to tell you that things will change and that he has learned from his mistakes, then he doesn’t want to lose you.

He is afraid of losing you if he keeps asking about you Another telltale sign that he thinks he is losing you is when you find out that he has been asking around for information about you. He wants to know how you’ve been, what you’ve been up to, if you’re seeing anyone new, and maybe even if you’re mad at him…

The person who is panicking about losing someone will always try to promise changes.

He isn’t getting answers from you, so he’s trying to get answers from the people that know you.

A person that recognizes that a relationship warrants a second chance will try to do everything in his power to prove that he is deserving of a second chance. When you seesigns of guilt in a man and can see that he is trying to change and make sure you know about it, then he is afraid of losing you and is trying to undo the damage.

He doesn’t want to lose you if he is making changes

A man thinks he is losing you when he stalks your social media profiles If your ex keeps liking everything that you post even though you aren’t talking to him right now, he could be trying to get your attention. Social media is a powerful tool in many ways and you can actually be using it to your advantage and your breakup recovery process.

These are the biggest signs he thinks he’s losing you and it is worried about it. If you haven’t recognized any of the signs in your current situation, don’t panic! There are plenty of things that you can do to get your ex back and we are here to help.Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for one-on-one guidance and we can give you a tailor-made action plan that fits your specific situation. You can also leave any questions you may have in the comment section below. Wishing you all the best in life and love Your coach when you were wondering about the signs he thinks he’s losing you Adrian

HOW TO BECOME MORE THICK SKINNED & EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDENT

aimed to make the least amount of “splash” as a way to avoid criticism that my emotional body could no longer take. I was the antithesis of thick skinned. I am not into what I call “emotional drill Sergentry.” I am always kind in my honesty, not brutal. And I don’t think love ever needs to be “tough.” I think love gets interpreted as “tough” when honesty is given over validating someone’s choice to continue to endanger their mental health.

May 12, 2021 08:28AM

What is thick skin? Being thick skinned isn’t about being mean, emotionally unavailable, depleted, or “cut off” in any way. It’s about strengthening the parts of you that when weak, cause emotional depletion. To me, being thick skinned is about mental strength and fortitude. It’s the grit that comes with feeling what hurts, processing, and acknowledging your experiences, fears, insecurities, and triggers, and continuing to move forward in your life as a result of realizing that nothing others do is personal.

Growing up, I was criticized at home. A lot. I don’t say this in a pity-mongering way, I say this because it was the reality of my childhood, and very normal in the cultures that I come from. I was an extension and reflection of my (well-intended) parents, who were more interested in raising an obedient child that ticked every box than they were in developing my emotional core strength and preparing me for the real world. This calloused me in ways that others weren’t, which in a way, proved to very beneficial. It also weakened me in ways that I could not afford to be weak. Ultimately, it prevented me from being able to develop a thick skin to ensure emotional survival. Everyone used to tell me that I was “too sensitive.” I fantasized about being more thick skinned but no matter what, I was always so affected by every little thing.

When you are thick skinned, you are more prone to emotional independence because you are mentally tough. Your worth isn’t diminished by every blow of the breeze. It’s DICTATED by what you choose to ALLOW to propel you, where others simply run out of gas. I ended up acquiring a thicker skin because my life circumstances and body gave me no choice. Ten times out of ten, your physical health will pay the price for a lack of attention to your mental health (and vise versa). I don’t want this to be your reality (or if you’ve already experienced this, I don’t want history to repeat itself). Here’s what I wish I could tell my younger self… How to develop a thick skin and become emotionally independent: 1. Nothing is about me except ME. Those who are thick skinned do not go around swooping up the copyright to other people’s hurtful, nonsensical, disrespectful, deceitful, and thoughtless behavior. They do not internalize or try to own ANYONE’S words and actions – bad OR good. They’re too busy living their own lives and taking ownership of their own behavior to go around claiming ownership of what simply isn’t theirs to own. It took me a long time to understand that what others choose to say and do is about THEM. What I choose to say and do is about ME. I still get triggered, hurt, upset, insecure, and confused; I am a fallible human being. But these emotions and experiences stopped leveling me and the amount of bullsh*t in my life drastically decreased when I no longer took it personally. This was never for me to “take.” It was for me to observe, adjust accordingly, learn from mistakes where I need to and continue moving forward unapologetically and dignifiedly.

There are many times in my life where I thought how much better it would be for everyone if I was just gone. It would keep me up at night if I thought someone didn’t like me. I actually remember writing LISTS of people that I thought may not like me in elementary school. I would write down (the silliest and stupidest) reasons why, and then (this breaks my heart to even type out), I wrote SEPERATE LISTS for how I could get these people to like me. All I wanted was to be good enough and included. This was before I got to middle school, where I was so desperate for inclusion and love, I signed my own yearbook in different handwritings from “friends” I had at “other schools.” I avoided confrontation and embarrassment at all costs. In eighth grade, before a parent-teacher conference, I threw up in a plant because I was scared of the teacher telling my parents that I had a B in math. I tried to act and dress like everyone else. I never raised my hand unless I was absolutely sure that the answer was correct. I grew up to be a follower of followers; a people pleasing adult who

2. I no longer compromise my values and moral code for “special” circumstances, people, and situations. Part of my personal value system is that I will not steal from others what is rightfully theirs. This includes their own un-dealt with trauma, anxiety, unhappiness, and dysfunction.

What Makes Your Ex Want You Back?

3. Build resilience. Part of being thick skinned is realizing the more independent and successful (emotionally, spiritually, fiscally, professionally, and relationally) you become, the more it will trigger those around you, plain and simple. And you can either partake in the drama or be a light of compassion, empathy, and always, self-protection. You can either allow the insecurities of others to feed your own, or you can see it for what it is: people whose lack of actualization and evolution has given them no choice but to try to derail you from your own. The choice is yours.

May 11, 2021 11:00PM Today I’m going to explain 7 things that will make your ex want you back. If you’re hoping for a second chance with your ex, then you’ll want to use ALL SEVEN to your advantage.

4. Draw a hard line at your emotional intelligence being insulted. When you internalize the behavior of others, you are unable to realize just how much stupidity and fluff you’re allowing into YOUR home. And when clutter dominates, you won’t want to be in your own emotional home. Unhealthy escapism follows and your life is no longer your own.

This information is based on psychological principles as well as over ten years as a breakup coach. Things That Make Your Ex Want You Back On some level, your ex definitely already wants you back. If they didn’t, they’d never have been with you in the first place. Let’s talk about how you can use this to your advantage to push them over the edge and make them come running back to you.

5. Be able to separate the truth from your triggers. There are facts based on reality and then there are “facts” based on what triggered us. Your triggers are not your truth – they are gifts – of what you need to acknowledge, heal, and stop turning a blind eye to.

#1 – Forgetting About Negative Memories & Logical Reasons For The Breakup

6. Be more fearful of halted creativity than you are interested in halting criticism. This is really shameful and embarrassing to admit, but when I first started writing years ago, I was terrified of criticism. I found myself trying to emulate other people’s voices as a way to “keep me in line” with what “worked.” This not only halted my own creativity but it prevented me from being MYSELF. And the funny thing is, when I finally had to courage to just BE ME, I didn’t care about any negativity or hate as much because I knew I was coming from a place of authenticity.

When your ex forgets about many of the negative aspects of your relationship — as well as whatever ‘reasons’ they used to justify the decision to break up — they’re obviously going to be far, far more likely to consider getting back together. Now, this is going to happen on its own with time. All humans are hard-wired to forget negative memories and emotions more quickly than positive ones. It’s a natural coping mechanism that allows us to get back to life after a traumatic life event like a breakup or the death of a loved one.

7. Find a mentor. Even if you don’t personally know them, allow the way they carry themselves to encourage and inspire you to do the same. What helped the most was identifying public figures (living and deceased) who were good people with character and integrity, but simply ran out of sh*ts to give when it came to the opinions of others. These people did not take ownership of the words and actions of others, nor did they make everything about them. And because of that, they didn’t get derailed by bs that most everyone does. Because of this, they were able to operate on a level of productivity that most people will never get to experience because they were not reliant on outside permission and validation. They were solely reliant on internal validation because they gave themselves the permission to exist, just as they are.

In the case of your breakup, this is going to be true for your ex as well — as time passes since the breakup, he or she is going to slowly start to forget about some of the negative aspects of you and your time together. Now, don’t get me wrong, your ex isn’t suddenly going to forget that you cheated on them a week after breaking up, but, with time–and assuming you don’t make mistakes that will bring those memories and feelings back to the top of your ex’s mind–they’re naturally going to think about those things less and less frequently, and they’ll slowly start to care less and less about them. RELATED: Ten Things You Must Do After No Contact

To this day, I still catch myself making other people’s behavior about me. When I find that I can’t shake the feeling, communication has never failed me. IT IS OKAY to kindly ask for clarification from those that can give it to you (people who are empathetically and emotionally available).

Similarly, most people will justify ending a relationship by coming up with logical reasons that you should no longer be together or that they’ll be better off on their own. But again, over time, they’ll start to question those ‘reasons’ in their own head. As time passes, the bad parts start to seem less important, the negative memories fade, and they will no longer be as confident that those “reasons” really did justify breaking up.

If you want to live life on your terms, a thick skin is, in my opinion, a prerequisite. You are just as capable of internalizing the behavior of others as you are letting go of what was never yours, to begin with, and canceling out the noise. You’ve got this. And as always, we’ve got each other. + If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.

#2 – Missing You This one is pretty obvious, I think… if your ex is missing you — if they feel lonely and empty with you suddenly gone from their daily life — they’ll be hurting and wishing you were there to numb their pain. After registering for my 1-on-1 coaching, many clients ask me how they can make their ex miss them. And it’s a good question, because as I said, an ex that misses you is much more likely to cave in to their own heartache and ask to get back together. The answer to that question is simple: you need to employ No Contact as soon as possible, and for 30 days or so in most situations. This is the ONLY way to make someone miss you… nothing else is going to magically make your ex wish you were still around. You need to be GONE from their life, as much as possible and as quickly as possible after breaking up, to maximize the chance that they’ll miss you like crazy. Think of the breakup from your ex’s perspective… it’s a lot like drug withdrawal for an addict. By cutting your ex out of your life entirely, rather than continuing to talk to them or see them regularly after breaking up, you’re making the post-breakup emotions as painful and as real as possible for your ex. It’s a lot harder to let go of something or someone you love if they’re suddenly snatched away from you out of the blue, and No Contact is designed specifically to give your ex a “cold turkey” breakup experience. Often times, this by itself can be enough to make your ex beg to have you back.

Just by living a fun, interesting life… by being social, spending time with friends and bettering yourself… you’ll be showing your ex what a fun, exciting life they’re missing out on by letting you go.

This is also one of the reasons why I advocate for a 30-day No Contact period — studies seem to suggest that a month or so after breaking up is when those feelings of “missing you like mad” will peak for your ex. #3 – FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) I’m sure you’ve heard of FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out. We all know the feeling… you see photos on Instagram of your friends out having fun without you, and you wish you were there. You wish you weren’t missing out on the fun times they’re having without you. You can use FOMO to help win back your ex. In fact, it can be an extremely effective tool to help change their mind about breaking up and shift their mental perception of you as a romantic partner. If your ex feels that they’re missing out on fun times or a great connection by no longer having you in their life, they’ll want to fill that void by taking you back.

Your ex is going to find out about this type of thing one way or another eventually, but you can also help showcase how awesome your post-breakup life has been by posting some subtle photos on social media or in group chats with your ex and other mutual friends… just casually post some photos from a fun weekend trip with friends, do a bit of humble bragging about your recent accomplishments, talk up a friend publicly, etc. Don’t do anything that will appear out of character that will potentially make your ex think you’re doing this specifically so they’ll see it… be subtle, but don’t be afraid to share how awesome your life is after the breakup and how quickly you’re moving on. Your ex will almost certainly feel some FOMO when they find out, and they’ll second-guess whether it was the right choice to let someone so fun and interesting walk out of their life.

There are several ways to do this, but the single best way is simply to make sure you live your life to the fullest in the first month or two after breaking up. Resist the urge to lie around on the couch moping about the breakup, and instead seize the opportunity to turbo-charge your social life, get ahead in work or school, pick up new hobbies, travel or go on adventures with friends, and so on.

#4 – Jealousy One of the things I advocate in my best-selling program, The Ex Factor, is called “Covert Jealousy”. This is a tactic where you use a bit of subtle jealousy to make your ex want you back, and when applied correctly, it’s an incredibly effective technique. Inciting jealousy is simple: meet new people of the opposite sex, go on a few casual dates (even if you don’t feel ilke it right now), and crank up your social life in general. Like I mentioned earlier with FOMO, you can use social media

to your advantage here. Don’t be too blatant or obvious about it, but you can post a photo on Instagram of you with your arm around a ‘new friend’ having fun. You can also just mention in passing when talking to your ex that you’ve been hanging out with a new friend of the opposite sex, but don’t say that you’re dating or that this is your new girlfriend or boyfriend. Just leave out any details to create some mystery and intrigue that will make your ex wonder who this new person is and whether or not you’re dating. #5 – Sexual Tension Look, unless you’ve suddenly gained 50 pounds and turned into a troll since the breakup, your ex is still going to be physically attracted to you even though you’re no longer officially together. Assuming your sex life was healthy when you were still a couple, they’ll also be missing that intimate connection.

By looking your best whenever you see your ex in person after the breakup, and by using some basic flirting skills and playful touching with them, you can help stimulate those feelings of attraction and sexual desire in your ex. Don’t be afraid to touch them (without being creepy or overly forceful about it), drop a sexual innuendo or inside reference to a steamy time you shared together in the past… just remind them, subtly and flirtatiously, what they’re missing out on now that you’ve broken up. Sexual tension usually isn’t enough by itself to make your ex want to get back together, but it sure can help. The more they want you and feel sexually attracted to you, the more they’ll be willing to forget or ignore in order to satisfy those cravings. Generally speaking, you don’t want to give them what they’re after — sleeping with your ex is only appropriate in certain situations. But you do want to make them WISH they could have you back in their bed, as that’s going to give them one more reason to consider giving your relationship a second chance. If you don’t know when it’s OK to think about sleeping with your ex again, or whether doing so will help your chances of getting them back, visit my coaching site and register for a month of my personal coaching. You’ll be able to share all the details of your situation with me and we’ll work out a plan together to ensure you avoid making any mistakes and maximize your chances.

#6 – Changing Their Mind About Your Potential Long-Term Future Together

If your ex has decided they want to break up, they clearly don’t see you in their long-term plans. For whatever reason — either because of a loss of attraction generally or for specific, concrete reasons — they don’t see you as the right person for them in the long run. By changing that perception — by showing your ex that the ‘concerns’ they had about your potential future together aren’t as significant or insurmountable as they had previously thought — they’ll be a lot more willing to consider a future where you’re together as a couple.

This can mean apologizing for things you did to hurt them in the past, and making it clear you understand how your actions were unacceptable and that you’ve learned your lesson. Your ex will need to understand that things could be different in the future if you were to get back together, and that whatever reasons they had for the breakup — whatever problems they focused on that led to them deciding you’re not the right person for them in the long-term — aren’t nearly as bad as they had previously thought.

TOXIC PARENTS: 25 SIGNS OF PARENTAL TOXICITY + THE ONE WAY YOU CAN HEAL

Ex Back Quiz: I’ve created a quiz that will give you real time results on your chances of winning back your ex. Pretty cool, right? Click here to take the quiz and begin the process of winning your ex back… or moving on. If you had issues with being overly jealous during your time together… or if you were too clingy or needy and pushed them away with that type of insecure and unnattractive behaviour… then you will absolutely need to apply No Contact and show to your ex that you’re not like that any more, and that things can be different if they gave your relationship another try.

Mar 15, 2021 06:59AM

At the end of the day, if your ex is sufficiently attracted to you — if they think of you as a great catch that they won’t be able to easily replace with someone new — they’ll be willing to overlook any other minor issues that led them to break up in the first place. #7 – Regret This one doesn’t need much explaining, but if your ex feels a sense of regret about losing you… if they regret not giving things another chance before calling it quits for good… they’re obviously going to be much more likely to consider taking you back. By applying everything I’ve talked about here, as well as all of the key techniques and practices that I describe in detail in my Ex Factor program, you should be able to incite those feelings of regret in the back of your ex’s mind.

I’ve always defined a toxic person as anyone who gets validation by exploiting your hunger for theirs. And I stand by that in regard to toxic parents. But I feel like it’s much more difficult to acknowledge (and in some cases, even begin to recognize) the toxicity of our own parents than it is a toxic romantic relationship, a toxic ex, or a toxic friend.

Even if they simply regret hurting you by breaking up, that alone can help you change their mind and take you back.

Whenever I’ve wondered if one (or both) of my parents is toxic, I immediately feel guilty and ashamed; almost like I just committed a crime. We enter this world literally looking up to our parents and unconditionally loving them – no matter what they do or don’t do. When we are children, our parents are all we have to trust and count on for survival.

What does it mean to have toxic parents? How do you deal with toxic parents? First and foremost, I’m not into parent-bashing or parent-blaming. No one had the perfect parents, no one will be the perfect parents, and our parents did the absolute best they could given their circumstances (that we may never know the full story of). What I am into, is advocating for compassionate curiosity when it comes to our programming. Having a toxic parent means many things. The common denominator of parental toxicity is, in my opinion, being on the receiving end of behavior from a parent (or both parents) that consistently makes you:

happy and things are going great for you, they take away from it by having some unforeseen emergency or ruining your joy with their criticisms and negativity. Toxic parents are very good at being almost antagonistically positive when you’re going through tough times and being negative when you are genuinely positive. 18. They humiliate you in front of others. 19. With toxic parents, reactivity is at an all-time high. They never get on their white horse. Everything elicits an almost theatrical reaction from them. They do this to get attention, make their position known, and their voice heard. They are also, very passive-aggressive. 20. They suck the energy out of every event, holiday, milestone, announcement, and situation. Everything always winds up being all about them.

Question your worth. Feel obligated to ignore your feelings (and in some cases, mental health) because you “owe it to” your parent(s).

21. They have an inability to introspect; they aren’t self-aware at all.

Feel guilty.

22. You have a codependent relationship with them.

Feel scared of losing them/their love.

23. They’ve betrayed your trust but expect that you unconditionally trust them.

Dealing with toxic parents requires that you first, determine (and eventually, accept) that your parent(s) are toxic. And second, that you start healing yourself instead of expecting your parents (and romantic partners or friends that remind you of them) to heal you.

24. They’ve made you keep their secrets. 25. They triangulated you. You always felt like to had to “work” for their love, and attention. They also made you believe that their validation was your emotional oxygen. They treat your friends (or even people who have hurt and betrayed you) better than they treat you.

Here are 25 signs of parental toxicity 1. They put conditions around love that should have been given to you unconditionally as a child.

4. Toxic parents did not teach nor empower and encourage you to have healthy boundaries.

Wow. When I re-read this list I wrote, I’m ashamed to admit that I have been a lot of those numbers in my past. Throughout the years of writing this blog, I have been very open about how much of a liar I was and how selfish and toxic I used to be. I’m not ashamed of it and am still a work in progress, as we all are. I would be much more ashamed if I pissed away the chances I had to evolve. I would be very ashamed if I continued to stay in the avoidance, delusion, and denial required to devolve.

5. They are competitive with you and very self-absorbed.

The one way you can heal from toxic parents

2. They are hyper-critical of you and have unreasonable expectations. 3. They enmeshed you. You were their parent at times, their makeshift emotional spouse and confidant at other times, and every time, there is a total disregard for your boundaries.

6. They are always starting arguments and “debates” with you.

Forgive them. Forgiveness is adjusting your boundaries in light of accepting who someone has proven themselves to be. Once you forgive, you can start to implement healthy boundaries.

7. Nothing is ever good enough. 8. They are emotionally, verbally, and/or physically abusive. 9. Toxic parents confuse love for you with control over you.

Hone in on exactly what you needed from them and didn’t have. Accept that they will never be able to give you these things and strive to become everything that they are not.

10. They are self-absorbed. If they ever seem proud of you or encourage you, it’s generally to elevate their own image. 11. They put their egoic needs over your emotional ones. 12. They are emotionally unavailable and empathetically bankrupt at best, narcissistic (and some cases, sociopathic) at worst. 13. They made you feel like you were a mistake when all you did was make a mistake. 14. They put you in charge of their emotional weather. It was your responsibility to “make them proud” and “make them happy.”

Toxic parents have emotional quadriplegism. And just because you may see them emotionally walk with someone else, that doesn’t mean that they’re walking. It means that they need to (heavily) rely and lean on that person to do so. (**I mean absolutely no disrespect to persons with physical disabilities; I trust that you know where my heart is with this example but never want to unintentionally hurt or offend anyone). When you do this, you’ll stop worrying about repeating the cycle; about being a toxic friend to your friends, a toxic partner in your romantic relationship, and even a toxic parent if you already have or want kids.

15. One way they controlled you was by making you feel guilty. 16. You were more concerned with impressing them than doing what makes you happy.

You’ll stop worrying because you’ll realize the fact that you’re even worried about it means you have more self-awareness and

17. They are better when you’re down and out. When you’re

integrity than the toxic types ever will. Be grateful for that. It will set you free. + If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.