[ film + tv ]
ENTER THE DRAGON
SOUND Enzian screens Orlando-bred cult fave ‘Miami Connection’ BY B RIA N COSTELLO
“H
umor,” in the words of Mark Twain, “must not professedly teach, it must not professedly preach; but it must do both if it would live forever. By forever, I mean 30 years.” Now more than ever, these words are applicable to the 1987 Orlando-based (title of the film notwithstanding) action film Miami Connection. ‘Miami Connection’: the apex of Orlando cinema | Photo courtesy the American Genre Film Archive Whether or not the film’s humor was intentional is irrelWas Miami Connection’s phoenix-style rebirth accidental? evant — what does matter is that this film, more popular than sesh, or where exactly on Church Street that Dragon Sound ever, has entered the exclusive realm of Forever. Forever plus took on biker bullies fond of swinging chains and awkwardly Sure. But in art, the unintended is often where the magic happens. The Ramones wanted to write a bubblegum song five, in fact. And to celebrate this 35th anniversary milestone, pouring beer on their hated rivals. Those same intrepid YouTubers even managed to find the like “Saturday Night” by the Bay City Rollers, instead missing the cinephiles of Enzian Theater have set aside one of their “Freaky Fridays” for a midnight screening of this timeless tale house where Jim (played by the inimitable Maurice Smith) and transcending the mark with “Blitzkrieg Bop.” And we all of — among other things — ninjas, bikers, synth-pop bands stood by the mailbox and gave the world the immortal “My know which song gets more airplay at sporting events these with “a new dimension in rock & roll,” ninjas, UCF students, father!” scene. This is a scene that, arguably, is now as immor- days. Orlando martial-arts instructor and Connection star fourth-place computer-programmer teams, cocaine traffick- tal as Brando’s “Stel-lahhhh!” in A Streetcar Named Desire, or Y.K. Kim wanted to be part of the ’80s trend of ESOL iconic ers, ninjas, club owners who beat up disgruntled former Harry Dean Stanton’s “Boys! A-venge! Me. Ah-venge meee!” in kickass action heroes, with the added bonus of conveying a Red Dawn. And while those of us who live here should make message of world peace and nonviolence (and, hey, maybe house bands and — oh yes — ninjas. No one is going to say that Miami Connection put Orlando a point to find the Thornton Park-adjacent house to re-enact even promoting his Tae Kwon Do schools a little), and while cinema on the map during the quixotic years of what we the scene posthaste, it’s probably best to keep it a secret from it didn’t exactly work out that way, it’s literally impossible to hoped would be “Hollywood East” back in the pre-Jeb! era the larger public. Not so much out of consideration for the find any other pacifist messages communicated via scenes of of the City Beautiful in the 1980s and ’90s, but by this point, people who now live there, but more to ensure that Buddy ninja decapitations and gratuitous biker titties. As with Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick, there is much there is no question that Miami Connection has kept Orlando Dyer doesn’t get it torn down, citing the well-worn “God forcinema on the map. Nobody’s talking about other movies bid we have and keep anything cool here” clause in Orlando’s debate as to what Miami Connection is really about. And like Moby-Dick, we may never really know for sure what this film urban planning manual. from that time filmed in Orlando like Freaky Fridays’ Miami Connection is supposed to be about. This is a movie almost impossible D.A.R.R.Y.L. (about a teen robot? can’t screening will also feature an in-per- to summarize in a sentence or two, such are the whiplash recall) or Parenthood (filmed here but FREAKY FRIDAYS: son Q&A with cast members Hirsch plot twists. Is the focus of the film meant to be on the battle set in the bucolic St. Louis suburb of MIAMI CONNECTION (christened “Giant Michael Phelps” on of the bands, the aforementioned struggles with ninjas, the Kirkwood for some reason). But Miami 11:59 p.m., Friday, Aug. 5 the HDTGM podcast), Smith, Angelo drug-dealing gang war on the mean streets of Orlando, the Connection maintains a devoted fanbase Enzian Theater Janotti (the musician dubbed “Just Romeo and Juliet–style subplot between John and Jane, the and remains relevant as a treasured 1300 S. Orlando Ave., Maitland Oates”) and Kathee Collier, whose vocal importance of good Tae Kwon Do fundamentals? Or is it piece of Orlando history. enzian.org stylings on Dragon Sound’s “Against the the last-second introduction of the subplot of Jim’s lifelong In a recent live taping of the pod$10 Ninja” gave the band a necessary shot of search for his father? (Which lead’s to Mark’s/Kim’s blurting cast “How Did This Get Made?” in Los out that all the men of Dragon Sound are orphans.) Pat Benatar-esque swagger. Angeles, host Paul Scheer was effusive Everyone’s right and everyone’s wrong, but if there are There probably isn’t enough time in his praise of Miami Connection, and everyone in the room agreed, (mostly) devoid of irony, that — especially in the context of the Q&A format, with the two undeniable takeaways, they are: No. 1, Miami Connection Connection soundtrack centerpiece Dragon Sound was/is a insufferable yet inevitable “I have a comment and a question” is so much fun and kicks so much ass and has so clearly types in the audience eager to wax pompous — to truly get stood the test of time, and No. 2, we in Orlando have absokick-ass synth-pop group. On YouTube, users obsessed with both Miami Connection a sense of how utterly surreal it must be to still be talking lutely no use for Miami and its “stupid cocaine.” So if you’re and finding movie and television filming locations have about something you did back in the ’80s. Something that coming up here with your motorbikes laden with that stuff, meticulously tracked down where, say, on the UCF campus died an ignoble death and languished in obscurity … before don’t even bother to try, unless you want to be filleted with Y.K. Kim grabbed the nose of fellow Dragon Sound member a 21st-century rediscovery via eBay led to Alamo Drafthouse a ninja sword. Vincent Hirsch with his toes during a Tae Kwan Do practice screenings, cult infamy and a place in the oddball canon. feedback@orlandoweekly.com orlandoweekly.com
●
AUG. 3-9, 2022
●
ORLANDO WEEKLY
21
