Things to do when you're stoned

SPRING

n Level up at an arcade

MARVIN'S MARVELOUS

MECHANICAL MUSEUM, 31005

Orchard Lake Rd., Farmington Hills; 248-626-5020; marvin3m.com

PINBALL PETE'S, 1214 S. University

Ave., Ann Arbor; 734-213-2502; pinballpetes.org Few things go together as naturally as weed and video games. No, seriously. It’s like whoever invented the video game was probably high. OK — so we cannot confirm that physicist William Higinbotham developed a simple ping-pong-like game that wasn’t Pong (that came out 20-some years later) while under the influence of sweet, sweet cheeba, but we absolutely can attest to the fact that playing arcade games of any kind while high is one of the purest joys in life, especially at either of these metro Detroit arcade institutions.

n Hotbox your car at the

drive-in

FORD-WYOMING DRIVE-IN, 10400 Ford Rd., Dearborn; 313-846-6910; forddrivein.com Driving and consuming marijuana is not legal, folks. And yes, that goes for the discreet vapes and edibles, too. However, what happens in your car at the 70-plus-year-old Ford-Wyoming Drive-in stays in your car at the Ford-Wyoming Drive-in. (That is, until you exit your vehicle to snag some optional concession munchies.) All tickets include two movies, which means more time to get and tay high. Just don’t forget to turn your headlights o , stoner.

n Indulge in some disc golf

Listen, some clichés are clichés for a reason. Case in point, weed smokers and disc golf — and there’s nothing wrong with slipping on some Birks and hitting one or more of metro Detroit’s many disc golf courses. New to being a proper stoner? Disc golf is a combination of frisbee and golf, but it’s usually in the woods, where no one can hear you toke.

Fifteen things

to do in the Detroit area when you’re stoned

Since Michigan legalized recreational marijuana for adult use in 2018, every day is 4/20, and for that we feel #blessed. That’s right, folks. We’re stoners, we’re proud, and we’re ... bored? But not for long — take your high to new heights with some of these metro Detroit activities that will not only enhance your buzz but might put an end to those boredom blues.

n Go crate-digging

Metro Detroit is home to some essential record shops for people of all budgets, backgrounds, and musical persuasions. You can blaze up and go crate digging, or save your stash for when you have some new vinyl to sway to, you beautiful dang hippie you.

n Pretend you know what

art means

DETROIT INSTITUTE OF ARTS, 5200 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-833-7900; dia.org Did you know Pablo Picasso smoked weed? OK — so that really isn’t all that surprising. When you look at his work it actually makes sense, which is why you might want to consider getting high before snagging a ticket for the Detroit Institute of Arts. Of course, we are asking you to be respectful when doing so, meaning no licking creamy and tempting marble statues, no screaming at contemporary art you don’t understand, no laughing at weird nude bodies, and absolutely no pretentious commentary of any kind — stoned or not, that shit is annoying. Just surround yourself with beautiful things, timeless works of art, and mind-blowing artifacts.

n Put the green in Dequindre

Cut Greenway

1776 Woodbridge St., Detroit; detroitriverfront.org You won’t believe this, but weed and walking go really well together. No, like, so well that exercise — like walking or biking — releases endorphins, and cannabis tends to heighten what’s happening in the body. So, why not conduct an experiment by getting high and strolling the Dequindre Cut Greenway? You know, for science. Long a haven for gra ti writers and street artists, the two-mile greenway connecting the East Detroit Riverfront, Eastern Market, and some residential areas is a below-street level pedestrian paved path, primed for pot-smoking.

n Unleash your superhuman

munchies

If weed were a food it would probably be pizza, because pizza, unlike most foods, is fucking perfect and literally no one can tell us otherwise. Actually, Detroit-style pizza is perfect, and if we weren’t on a super chill indica at the moment we might actually fight the haters. Instead of hating anything (well, except for olives or pineapple as toppings

because, just, no) we suggest trying a new pizza place in town.

n Snag fresh produce to make

your CBD smoothies

2934 Russell St., Detroit; 313-833-9300; easternmarket.org It’s not spring if you’re not getting up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday to wake, bake, and ca einate before exploring the fresh food from the farmers and makers at Detroit’s Eastern Market. Nothing beats eating fresh berries, snagging some locally-grown veggies, and struggling to carry all the damn plants you insisted on buying (that you will absolutely struggle to keep alive), but man, spring has sprung, and nothing can stop you. Except for, you know, being too stoned to find your car.

n Get zen at the Cranbrook

Gardens

380 Long Pine Rd., Bloomfield Hills; 248-645-3149; housegardens.cranbrook.edu One of the best parts of smoking weed is the fact that, depending on the strain, set, and setting, cannabis can expand your mind, lower anxiety, and make the world a bit brighter. What better place to reflect, heal, and maybe spend some alone time than Cranbrook’s shady (not, like, suspicious, but actual shade) gardens?

n Take your high on a hike

Getting high at home? Awesome. Getting high in nature? The best. Good news, because Michigan can be one of the most beautiful places ever, which means there are plenty of places to take a nature stroll (aka a hike, aka that thing celebrities say they do in L.A., but they’re just, like, walking on the sidewalk in very expensive athletic gear). Pack a bowl and head explore some of metro Detroit’s prime hiking opportunities.

n Speak to the animals at the

Detroit Zoo

8450 W. 10 Mile Rd., Royal Oak; 248-541-5717; detroitzoo.org One of the best things we can recommend you do while participating in the marijuana arts is pay a visit to the Detroit Zoo, where talking to the animals isn’t even all that weird. It is weird, though, if you start telling the gorillas about your JFK theories, or, like, if you started recapping the Fast & Furious franchise to the red pandas. But honestly, you do you. No one will judge you. Well, maybe except for the red tigers… we hear they’re pretty catty.

n Find your next favorite

sandwich

Don’t sco . The humble sandwich is but a canvas for a stoner to express their truest, most hungry self. Mayo or Miracle Whip? Dill or bread and butter pickles? Tomato? Lettuce? Mustard? The options are endless, which is also true of metro Detroit’s sandwich shop landscape. From classic Italian sammys to unique to Detroit Boogaloos and döner kebabs, any self-respecting stoner should have no problem locating their next new favorite sandwich.

n Connect with mortality

ELMWOOD CEMETERY, 1200 Elmwood St., Detroit; 313-567-3453; elmwoodhistoriccemetary.org If you’re looking for a deep and self-a rming experience, look no further than Detroit’s historic Elmwood Cemetery. Erected in 1846, the cemetery is one of the most beautiful places to contemplate death, existence, the afterlife, and whether Harambe (remember him?) will be the one greeting us when we transcend our earthly meat suit. While it may seem morbid to choose the resting place of many notable Michiganders to spend your high time, it’s actually quite beautiful. (Cue a plastic bag floating in the wind, please.)

n Align your chakras and your

THC levels

ELEVATED YOGI, 2930 E. Jefferson

Ave., Detroit; 313-444-9264 elevatedyogi.com Detroit is cool, but did you know just how cool? So cool that we have something called Elevated Yogi, and not only is it a series of thoughtful and professional-led classes in movement and meditation, but it’s a donation-based 4/20 friendly experience. They have their own studio, but sometimes they take the class outdoors. They also o er 4/20 painting and other outings and retreats. Remember: BYOB (Bring Your Own Bud) and, as always, namaste.

n Buy more weed … duh

What better use of your time than getting high and then proceeding to buy more weed, because you’re an adult and you’re being responsible by thinking of the future you, who, tragically, could run out of weed? Thankfully, at this point Michigan smokers and tokers have a dizzying array of medical and recreational dispensaries to choose from, because Michigan fucking rules, dude. Dispensaries are cropping up on street corners like Starbucks in 2005, each with their own vibe, their own herb, and their own prices. Thanks to Michigan’s recreational laws, which allows adults over the age of 21 to purchase marijuana products and accessories at certified recreational retail shops, we may never have to “call our guy” ever again. Sorry, guy. Wanna smoke it out?