pets THE GUIDE
WORDS MARISA CUTILLAS
LOSING A PET:
The Freedom to Grieve
If you’ve lost a loving pet and you’re struggling to cope, it may be because you feel that friends and family are somehow ‘censoring’ your grief; not permitting you to express your sadness or find positive meaning from your loss. You may be surprised to learn that there is a whole body of literature and philosophy surrounding this topic. It is normally referred to as ‘disenfranchised grief’, and defined as “withholding permission, disallowing or prohibiting the process of grieving.” This is normally done in a number of ways; people will sometimes try to make you feel silly or childish for mourning a pet to such a great extent; they will tell you it is time to get over it; that you have many other things and people to live for. Eminent experts allege that denying someone the right to grieve is a political and ethical failure, since it denies the bereaved both of the right to mourn, and the right to find meaning from loss. In a wonderful essay entitled Meanings of Death Seen through the lens of Grieving, author, Thomas Attig, reveals how grief can lead to enlightenment: “Through the lens of grief we can discern many meanings of death, human If you’ve ever left a clingy dog at existence, suffering, the life of home then you know that boredom the deceased, the life of the can lead to major damage, including mourner, and love.” chewed sofas, tattered cushions and mangled slippers. Isareli cable television recently launched Dog TV, a channel aimed at pooches, featuring content that meets the criteria of canine vision and hearing – including enhanced colour, special sound effects and soothing music. All programmes last only six minutes and are specifically designed, say their makers, to stimulate and comfort dogs. Interestingly, the Humane Society of America recommends leaving the television on for dogs when we leave them at home, since the sounds and images can reduce separation anxiety. The next question for pet lovers is, when will they let us take our little ones to the cinema? Can you imagine the mayhem?
Yellow Dog Project Takes World by Storm
TV Channels for Dogs Launched in Israel
A growing movement around the world involves tying a yellow ribbon around your dog’s collar if they do not like to be approached or petted. The movement began in Sweden and is spreading like wildfire across the USA, so if you think it’s a good idea, why not bring it to the Costa del Sol, using your social networks to spread the word? People often associate biting with particular breeds but their preconceived ideas are usually wrong; even little tykes can bite like crazy; the Yellow Dog Project is an easy way that kids and adults alike can appreciate dogs who don’t want to be petted, from a distance.
Society often refuses to allow people to grieve in a number of cases, including where the loss is deemed insignificant because it involves a pet or even a person who is very elderly (and therefore ‘expected’ to die), or a person who is mentally disabled. Likewise, people are sometimes censored from grieving someone who has died in unusual circumstances (for instance, if the deceased has committed suicide or has died from AIDS). If you have a friend who has just lost a pet, allow them to grieve as they need to; give them the time they need and remind them that the very reasons they are feeling such pain are the reasons that will enable them to find meaning in life once again, when they are ready; allow them to recall special memories with their pet; pitch a few such memories of your own if you have them; encourage your friend to reconnect with people without rushing them to do so; listen to them, for as long as they need you. If you are the bereaved, remember that grieving is a necessary process to enable you to grow positively from your painful loss. Try to remember that life will have meaning again; do not feel guilty about hoping for a positive outcome. The most important thing our pets leave behind is their legacy… in so far as their love inspires us to be better people, to work to improve the lot of those who are suffering or to accept the often unapproachable subject of death, they will never be forgotten.
ESSENTIALMAGAZINE.COM MAY 2013 / 157
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